Unbottled
After 38 years of sobriety and 5 years of podcasting, I finally had the good sense to put the two together. Unbottled is where we crack open all things sobriety—without the shame, the whispering, or the “I’m fine” face we all perfected in the 90s.
This is a space for honest conversations, practical tools, laugh-so-you-don’t-cry stories, and the kind of truth that only comes after decades of doing the work and living to tell about it. Whether you’re sober-curious, long-time sober, or somewhere in the messy middle, we’re going to talk about the habits, people, boundaries, victories, and ridiculous moments that shape a sober life.
Think of Unbolted as the place where we unhook the armor, loosen the bolts, and talk real sobriety—candid, witty, a little sassy, and full of hope because life gets a whole lot lighter when you stop tightening everything down and start opening up.
Unbottled
First AA Meeting, Demystified
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Fear loves the unknown, which is why a first AA meeting can feel like a leap into the dark. We open the door and let you look around before you walk in: the simple format, the rhythms of a typical room, and the many ways you can participate without pressure. I share why open and closed meetings exist, what happens at speaker and discussion formats, and how online meetings can be a low-friction starting point if walking into a physical room feels like too much right now.
Together we unpack the most common worries—being made to talk, crying in front of strangers, seeing someone you know—and replace them with clear options and boundaries. You’ll hear how anonymity protects your privacy, why “I’m just here to listen today” is always enough, and how to decide if a meeting is your fit by trying it three times. Instead of chasing rock-bottom stories, we focus on the quiet signals that matter more: familiar thoughts, shared feelings, and the small “me too” moments that spark honest change.
This is sobriety as a human practice, not a performance—real people, real choices, real support. Whether you’re sober curious, newly sober, returning after a break, or simply trying to understand your relationship with alcohol, this guide offers calm, practical reassurance and concrete steps. If today isn’t the day, that’s okay. When you’re ready, the door will still be there, and you’ll know what to expect. If this helped, follow the show, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a quick review so others can find their way to the room.
Welcome to Unfuddle. I am Marcy, and this podcast is about sobriety. What it looks like, how people get started, how they move forward one honest step at a time. We're here to talk about real-life sobriety. Not perfection, not labels, not doing it right. Just real people, real choices, and real support. Sorry, I have a little froggy voice this morning. If you're sober curious, newly sober, returning after a break, or simply trying to understand your relationship with alcohol, you're welcome here. Take what helps, leave the rest. And most importantly, you don't have to do this alone. Well, that was a lovely little sound, wasn't it? I am on a road trip, so I am doing this on my laptop, which is not my favorite. So bear with me for the next several weeks. I've been on a road trip. I drove out from Chicago to the West Coast and doing a lot of things here and celebrated my 65th birthday and also celebrated my 38th year of sobriety on January 11th. So moving right along in my life. Today we're talking about something that stops a lot of people before they ever really get started. Your first AA meeting. Last week we talked about the myths and debunk the myths and the realities of what alcohol anonymous is. For those of you that don't know, I got sober through AA. I don't think it's the only way. I think there's a multiple ways of healing your relationship with alcohol. This is just the one that worked for me. So I want to talk on something that I know. As we move forward through these podcasts, my goal is to get people to come be on our podcast that may have other thoughts and other ways. There's, as they say, I'm not going to even say the old saying because it makes me crazy. So your first AA meeting. For many people, the idea of walking into a meeting or logging into one feels absolutely terrifying. Awkward, exposing, overwhelming. And because fear loves silence, a lot of people never go. Not because they don't want sobriety, because they don't know what to expect. So today I'm going to walk you through it, not in theory, not dramatically, honestly and calmly. This episode is about replacing fear with information. And as we all know, information is power. So if you honestly know what to expect, I'm hoping it'll give you a level of confidence. So sit back, relax, and I will be right back and we will get started with this today's episode, your first AA meeting. All right, I'm back. No, I did not. I am working with my laptop, so I have a little bit of adjusting to do. So let's start with the fear before the door. Let's start with the part no one talks about enough. The fear before the meeting. What are some of the things people worry about? Well, we worry about what if they make me talk? What if I don't belong? What if I cry? What if I see someone I know? Oh, horrors. Yeah, that could be the worst. Like so scary, right? To see someone you know and let's see. What else? What if they judge me? Here's the truth. Almost everyone walking into their first meeting has these same thoughts. Fear doesn't mean you're weak. It means you're stepping into something unfamiliar. You've done it many times in your life. And unfamiliar doesn't mean unsafe. It just means new. AA meetings are full of people who once sat exactly where you're sitting now, wondering if they should turn around and leave. Trust me, we've all been there. I can still remember my first meeting 38 years ago. I know that feeling. We all do. We're not sitting there in judgment of you. Trust me, trust me, we're alcoholics. We're worried about ourselves, first of all. So, you know, uh we'll we'll talk about these, but I want you to know you're in a room of other people that have had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. And whether you know that or not yet, and you're just stepping in to find out, that's fine too. You're there for a reason, and everybody there knows that. What actually happens at a meeting? Let's talk about what really happens when you go into a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. First, first, first, first and foremost, nothing dramatic. Nobody turns around and points, nobody's like, ooh, nobody, honestly, there's nothing dramatic. People arrive, we all come in, we sit down, we'll chit-chat, we'll see somebody we haven't seen for a while, or we'll see our usual group. At my Friday night meeting, I have a group of guys that I always sit with. They were the first to welcome me when I moved from Chicago and started going to that meeting. I always grab a cup of coffee. There's usually coffee and snacks at a meeting. I'm not gonna say always, but alcoholics need sugar and we love coffee. So, and if you don't like coffee, you might find if you get sober, you do. So there is usually those things there. Some meetings are very quiet and everybody just sits. It depends on the type of meetings. Most of the meetings follow a simple format. Someone opens the meeting. There's a few readings that are shared, usually from the big books of Alcoholics Anonymous. People talk about sobriety or their experience, the meeting ends. Now, there are several different types of meetings. There are open meetings and closed meetings. If you're trying to figure out if you're an alcohol and you don't want to identify as one, make sure you're going to an open meeting. Closed meetings are where everybody is identifying as an alcoholic. It's a safe space. This is all a safe place. Anonymous for a reason. Anonymous for a reason. Alcoholics anonymous. My Friday night meeting is a speaker meeting followed by sharing. People raise their hands, they'll either talk about what's going on with themselves, or they will comment on what resonated with them from the speaker. So, really, that's it. And it depends on the type of meetings. And closed meetings are going to be a little bit more intricate. It may be a big book study, it may be a step study, it may be those types of things. But an open meeting is usually very open for that reason. That's it. No spotlight, no forced confessions, no pressure. At my meeting, we ask new people to stand up and identify themselves. If you're not ready to identify as an alcoholic, just don't stand up. No one cares. No one's going to throw you out. No one's going to say a word. No one cares about that in the best way. They care in a good way and they don't care in the best way. You are absolutely never required to speak. Listening is participation. If you're invited to share, you can simply say, I'm just here to listen today. That's that is always enough. So if you are getting more into intricate meetings and they are going around sharing, that's all you have to say. I'm just here to listen today. Nobody will say anything. No one's going to show you the door. Nothing dramatic is going to ever happen. I've mentioned a few different types of meetings. So let's kind of go through those meetings. Not all meetings are the same, and that's actually a good thing. You might hear a term like open meeting. Anyone can attend. Closed meeting for people who identify as having a drinking problem, a speaker meeting. One person shares their story. They tend to be open meetings, discussion meetings, multiple people share, and there are online meetings available most 24-7. If one meeting doesn't feel right, that doesn't mean AA isn't for you. And I always was told by an old timer when I came in, try a meeting three times. The what do you want to say? There's different people, different dynamics, the dynamic shift. So you may go to a meeting one time and you're like, I don't know, go three times. If after three times it's not for you, find something else. Find the right fit. It's part of the prophets. There's thousands of meetings. And if you live in a city like I do, there's hundreds of meetings a day. Like it's everywhere. There's all types of meetings. If you're just going to get it sober online, like I said, that didn't exist when I got sober. But if it works for you, it works for you. I think it's fabulous. I think it's fabulous that it's an option. The more options we have for people, the more people will get sober. The things people worry about most, at least what I think. So there may be some things I missed, and you can always email those for me to address at Marcy Bacchusmedia at gmail.com. And for just a moment, I'll do a little advertisement. I have three podcasts. My oldest, longest living podcast is Aging Eight for Sissies, probably for 40 years and 40-year-olds and up on that one. Inside Marcy's mind is life lessons, life thoughts, life, what's in my mind. It's a place for me to share the lessons I've learned. And if there's something that's bothering me, I get it out there. And then we have Unbottled. You can get all three of my podcasts on my website, Marcybacchusmedia.com, or you can find them all where you found this one, because they are all housed in the same place. They are online, they are Apple Podcasts, they are Spotify. So please, please, please look into my other podcasts as well. So let's clear up a few big concerns. Do I have to say I'm an alcoholic? No, you don't have to say anything. You're not ready to say ever. Will people judge me? Unlikely. Judgment usually disappears when people recognize themselves in your story. So, I mean, I think everybody judges all the time, but nobody's really judging you. And again, everybody's more worried about themselves. What if I cry? Then you cry. No one will rush you. No one will be uncomfortable. Tears are normal here. What if I decide AA isn't for me? Then that's what you decide. Nothing bad happens. The goal isn't to decide everything, the goal is to take one step. One step. What is it that is confusing you about your relationship with alcohol? You could come and you could figure out that you are able to have a healthy relationship with alcohol. But if you're not, we're here for you. Just remember that. What are you listening for in a meeting? Why are you even there? Why go? Well, first of all, as I've said in a few past episodes, is that Dr. Bob and Bill W started Alcoholics Anonymous, and they learned they were both alcoholics and learned that one alcoholic talking to another can help you stay sober. So what am I listening to when I'm there? Familiar thoughts. You are looking for familiarity when somebody is talking, when somebody is sharing, and you can go, oh, I under, I know that, or I've done that, or that sounds kind of like me, or I've I've I've done that before. I've gotten home and not known how I got there, or somebody had to take me. Whatever it is in somebody's share, you're looking for familiar thoughts. You're not just looking for familiar thoughts, you're looking for shared feelings. Sometimes it's not an action, but a feeling, how somebody was feeling, how they woke up in the morning and thought, I'm never gonna do this again. Last night they wake up with that hangover. That may be a feeling that you share. So you're looking for familiar thoughts and shared feelings. Moments where you think, oh, me too. Me too. You're gonna have those. You're not there to compare stories. You're there to notice a connection. I wanna, I wanna clear that up. You're not comparing anything. This isn't a one-upper. This isn't a, well, I'm not that bad. I didn't go to jail. I never went to jail. I never got a DUI. Didn't mean I wasn't an alcoholic. When I looked at my relationship with alcohol, it was definitely twisted. And so you're there to notice a connection and not to compare. You'll you'll hear a little something, it may be the most minute thing that grabs you. And that's where the healing starts. That's really what meetings are. They're nothing scary, they're nothing off-putting. They are a group of people who have a twisted relationship with alcohol supporting each other. There's nothing wrong with that. And like I say, we are gifted an Alcoholics Anonymous with tools to help us with life. There's a lot of people out there that may not have a twisted relationship with alcohol, but could use tools for life. And this program gives us that. That's your first meeting. That's not what the program is in total. I just wanted you to know what your first meeting would be like. Don't be scared. Pick a meeting, walk on in. The world isn't gonna end. No one's gonna force you to do anything you don't want to do. No one's gonna make you pay. No one's going to make you do anything. It is a fully volunteer program. And just remember the anonymous part. Remember, we talked about what if I see somebody I know? You don't have to walk up to them. They may walk up to you. But what happens in a meeting stays in a meeting. That is the anonymous part. We keep our meetings and our shares to ourselves and keep it at the meeting. We don't go out in the world and blast it. In my early sobriety, I got sober in Los Angeles. I would see famous people all the time. I still won't tell you who they are. And it's not my job to go, oh, guess who I saw at the Malibu meeting? You keep alcoholics anonymous, anonymous. So that's all I want you. The main thing to remember is if you're not ready to commit that you're an alcoholic, keep it to an open meeting. And what happens in a meeting stays in a meeting. Keep people safe, keep things confidential. You don't know what sharing information could do to someone, it could put them in danger. So those are that's it. Walking into your first meeting is an act of courage, even if no one sees it. You don't have to walk in confident, you don't have to walk in certain. All you have to do is walk in. And if today isn't the day, that's okay. But at least the unknown is a little less scary. Thank you for spending this time with me. If something in this episode resonated, sit with it. If something didn't, let go. Let it go. This podcast is about progress, not perfection, about honesty, not pressure. And remember, stay curious, stay connected, stay unbottled. In the next episode, we'll talk about one day at a time, what it really means, and why it works. Until then, be gentle with yourself. You're doing something brave. Go out and do something positive. This is Unbottled.