You Don’t Need Forever To Stay Sober Today

We slow down the phrase “one day at a time” and turn it from a cliché into a practical tool for real-life sobriety. Fear of “forever” gives way to daily choices, flexible plans, and honest connection.

• why forever thinking fuels anxiety and stalls progress
• how one day at a time lowers pressure and restores control
• what the phrase does not mean and what it actually means
• practical containment tactics for hard moments
• using hours, meetings, and calls when a day is too long
• building social support and replacing old routines
• humility, honesty and staying present as long-term strategy
• teaser for next topic on sponsorship

You can reach me at marcybackhusmedia@gamil.com if you have questions or want to share your story

Transcript

Welcome To Unbottled

SPEAKER_01 0:06

Well, welcome to Unbottled. I am Marcy, and this podcast is about sobriety, what it looks like, how people get started, and how they move forward one honest step at a time. Here we talk about real-life sobriety, not perfection, not labels, not doing it right, just the people, real choices, and real support. If you're sober curious, newly sober, coming back after a break, or simply trying to understand your relationship with alcohol, you are welcome here. Take what helps, leave the rest, and most importantly, you don't have to do it alone. Again, welcome to Unbottled. My name is Marcy Backis, and I have currently 38 years of sobriety. And today we're going to talk about one of the most well-known phrases in sobriety: one day at a time. You've probably heard it. You may even feel annoyed by it. Because when someone is overwhelmed, scared, or anxious, one day at a time can sound very dismissive. Like it's minimizing how big this feels. But here's the truth: one day at a time isn't meant to be cute. It isn't meant to be an inspirational wallpaper. It's a tool. And for many people, it's the reason sobriety feels possible at all. So today we're slowing the phrase down and really looking at it. What it means, why it works, and how to use it in real life. This is Marcy Bacchus Media. You can reach me at Marcybacchusmedia.com. I do have two other podcasts. You can also email me at Marcybacchusmedia at gmail.com if you have questions. If you have suggestions, if you yourself has a story you think you'd love to share on here, it's a new podcast. I believe this is episode seven. So if you're just coming in here, you may want to go back. I got sober through AA. And right now I'm going to kind of share what I know and then we're going to move on because I do believe there are multiple ways to have sobriety in your life. And this is just work for me, and I want to be able to share that. But if you have something else, I'd love for you to contact me and we can share that information. All righty then. Why forever is too big? Oh my gosh, if you had told me when I walked into AA that 38 years later I would be doing a podcast. Well, first of all, who even knew what a podcast was back then? We didn't even have cell phones, home computers. We just started getting answering machines and pagers. So if you had told me that I would be 38 years sober one day, I would want to believe it, but I don't think I would have believed it. I think some of the old timers in my group were 20 years sober. That seemed forever to me. But forever is very big. One of the biggest reasons people don't start or don't continue sobriety is because they get stuck in thinking about forever. Thoughts like, I can never drink again. What about weddings? What about vacations? What about bad days? What about when I have pizza? You can what about forever about trying to figure out how to live without alcohol. Forever is very heavy, forever is abstract, and forever invites fear. It absolutely does. The fear that comes in when you think of forever and all those things and birthdays and holidays, and honestly, the list goes on and on. Our brains are not wired to make lifetime decisions calmly when we're already stressed. When people say one day at a time, what they're really saying is stop asking yourself questions you don't need answered yet. Think about that. When people say one day at a time, what they're really saying is stop asking yourself questions you don't need to answer yet. You are not required, again, we talked last week about the myths of AA, etc., etc. You are not required to decide how you feel about sobriety next year. You are not required to imagine even every future scenario. All that sobriety asks of you is today. And today is manageable. So where does that saying one day at a time come from? Well, the phrase one day at a time is deeply woven into Alcoholics Anonymous, but isn't exclusive to AA. This phrase existed, and it exists because people noticed something important. When they stopped drinking for today, the pressure eased. And when they focused on now, anxiety softened. So think about that. If you're just focusing on today, you've woken up and you want to stay sober today. All you're focusing on is today. Tomorrow hasn't happened yet. And as we all know, we're never guaranteed tomorrow. So don't worry the heck about it. Focus on today. One day at a time lowers the that feeling of overwhelmedness, it reduces panic. It keeps your sobriety grounded in reality. Because the reality is, I may have 30 years sober, but all I have is today.

SPEAKER_00 6:33

And if I drink tomorrow, none of that 38 years matters.

SPEAKER_01 6:41

So I know for even myself, somebody with some time, I focus on today. I'm not worried about tomorrow. Tomorrow will take care of itself. I believe strongly in one day at a time for everyone. So it does. It shifts sobriety from a lifetime sentence to a daily practice. And daily practices are doable. How many of us start a diet? How many of us, I think, I and we I've talked about this in the podcast. I think addiction comes in many forms: food, shopping, scrolling, working out, you can be addicted to that. You can be addicted to healthy things as much as you can be unhealthy things. And anything that you want to get control over in your life, whether it's alcohol, shopping, scrolling, food, if you took it a day at a time instead of thinking, I'm never gonna eat pizza again, kind of a thing. You do that in other places in your life. So let's think about it for this. What does one day at a time actually means? Mean, excuse me. I don't know why I pluraled that. Well, I guess it sounds right plural, but I don't know. Sometimes when I'm talking. So it does not mean. Let's go over the things that one day at a time does not mean. It does not mean ignoring the future, it does not mean avoiding responsibility, it does not mean pretending cravings won't happen, and it does not mean being passive.

SPEAKER_00 8:26

It does not mean any of those things.

Practicing It On Hard Days

SPEAKER_01 8:30

So if it doesn't mean those things, what do you think it means? What it does mean is you're making a decision you can keep. You're staying in the present, you're staying in the now, you're staying grounded, you're staying focused. You're responding instead of reacting. Now think about that one. I think as alcoholics, we respond way more than I mean, I'm sorry, we react way more than we respond. We are reacting all over the place. And in this instance, by saying a day at a time, we are responding instead of reacting. Giving yourself permission to breathe, for heaven's sakes. I just don't want you to be overwhelmed, you guys. I really don't. A day at a time allows you that ability to breathe. I want success for you. I want for what that looks like for you. One day at a time means I'm not drinking today, and that's it. And I will tell you in the beginning of sobriety, and people will tell you this: if if a day at a time is too much, take it an hour at a time. If an hour at a time is too much, take it a minute at a time. Do what you can and do your best. And some days you'll have to take it an hour at a time and a minute at a time. Others days, a day at a time will work just fine. But what one day at a time means is I'm not drinking today. That's it. Not tomorrow, not next month, not at your niece's wedding, just today, in the present, in the now. And tomorrow you'll make the same decision again if you need to. And I promise you, there will come a time you don't need to make that decision anymore.

SPEAKER_00 10:24

You are in the flow.

SPEAKER_01 10:28

So great, Marcy. This is all a lot of talk, a lot of information, and it all sounds good, right? How to practice it in real life. Here's where this becomes practical. On hard days, sobriety doesn't require motivation. It retires can it requires containment. All right, let me say that again. On hard days, sobriety doesn't require motivation, it requires containment. So you're gonna want to try things like breaking the day into smaller chunks, saying, not right now, instead of never. I'm not gonna drink right now instead of I'm never gonna drink again. How many times have we said that one? Redirecting your attention for 10 minutes, reaching out instead of spiraling. I am a big proponent of reaching out. Reach out to someone you trust. Let them know your true feelings. Listen to what they have to say, refocus yourself. One day at a time is especially powerful when. Now these are super important to listen to. This comes into play when you're tired. Oh my gosh, you do not realize how many bad decisions are made when we're tired.

When A Day Feels Too Long

SPEAKER_00 12:00

You're emotional. You're traveling.

SPEAKER_01 12:04

When I first got sober, I believe in my first weeks of sobriety, I worked in sales for hair care products. And there was a huge convention. And those conventions, after hours, a lot of drinking. And I made sure I had my diet coke. I did my job. Everybody said they were going here, there, everywhere. And I went in my room. I had my diet coke. I watched some TV. Back in those days, there was no online meetings, but I would suggest that now. But I was traveling and I was out of my element, but I made sure that I could be successful. When you're alone, again, that was traveling and alone, and when you're triggered. Those are times for when you take this. You don't need a perfect day, you just need a sober one. You're gonna have all those things. But I want you to focus on that day at a time. When one day feels too long, we talked about this a little earlier. Some days, even one day feels like too much. Think one hour at a time. How about one meeting at a time? Or one phone call. There were days when I would go to multiple meetings. There's no law. You can go to as many meetings as you want in a day. And again, with online meetings, you have no excuse. You can tap into a meeting at any time. Or make that phone call to that trusted person. Walk around the block.

SPEAKER_00 13:44

Redirect your focus away from drinking. This is not a failure. This is wisdom.

Building Connection And Support

SPEAKER_01 13:53

You know, the hardest part for me was the day at a time part was my social life had become my afternoon, you know, my afternoon stop at the bar after I finished my sales calls. And so when I decided to stop drinking, I didn't have that social group, that social. I had to find ways to get social back into my life. And I did find it eventually through AA, through the groups I was with. We had bingo nights, bowling league. We, we, I, I was okay. But in those very beginning days, I did go to a lot of meetings so that I could connect. And through that connection, I created a friend group. I created what I needed to keep me sober. And it worked. And it worked. And it worked at a day at a time, and I've racked up 38 years. One day at a time, we are all just one drink away from losing our sobriety. I'm no different than a person that's coming and has 24 hours.

SPEAKER_00 15:01

We all are the same, no matter what.

Final Reassurance And Next Topic

SPEAKER_01 15:09

So again, when you're going through this, this is just wisdom that I'm trying to share. Sobriety flexes with you, it doesn't demand rigidity. Again, sobriety flexes with you, it doesn't demand rigidity. So that's what I have to say today about one day at a time. What I want to tell you is if sobriety feels overwhelming right now, I want you to hear this clearly. You are not failing because forever feels scary. Forever is scary. One day at a time is how people stay sober long enough to build a life they actually want. You don't need certainty, you don't need confidence, and you don't need clarity. You just need today. If something didn't, let it go. This podcast is about progress, not perfection, about honesty, not pressure. And remember, I want you to stay curious, stay connected, and I certainly want you to stay unbottled. In the next episode, we'll talk about sponsorship, what it is, what it isn't, and why connection matters. Until then, be gentle with yourself. You're doing something so brave and so good for you. This is Unbottled.