You Don’t Need Rock Bottom To Change

We explore the quiet turning point when discomfort becomes enough to change, and how honesty can start sobriety long before catastrophe. Marcy shares her Monday-morning decision, the reality of mental gymnastics, the role of fear, and why one private step can open a wider future.

• sobriety as a choice before bottom
• the quiet moment that signals change
• personal story of the first meeting and early days
• mental negotiations and the courtroom in your head
• the myth that you must suffer to qualify
• fear of identity, friends, and 5 p.m. routines
• permission to keep early sobriety private
• one honest day at a time as a method
• awareness as strength, not weakness
• practical next steps and resources

If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it
You don’t have to hit bottom to choose better
You don’t have to implode to evolve
And you don’t have to do this alone.com
On my website, you can listen to my other podcasts, but I also want you to know the link to AA is there
Reach out
If you need help, reach out today
If you’re not ready, keep listening
Take what I’ve said, work with it, live with it
And around here we tell the truth so we can live free

Transcript

Welcome And Core Message

SPEAKER_01 0:06

Hello. Welcome to Unbottled. My name is Marcy Backis, and I am your host. I've been sober for 38 years, and what I've learned is this sobriety isn't just about putting down the drink, it's about picking up your life. And if you're here today, maybe just maybe, something inside you has been nudging you. So let's talk about it. Today's episode, When You Know Something Has to Change. Ever had that feeling? Ever had that thought? Not the intervention, not the hospital, not the explosion when your life blows up. I'm talking about that quieter moment. That one, you know it, when you're sitting alone. Maybe it's late at night. Could be early in the morning. Maybe it's after yet another promise to yourself. Have you ever made a few promises to yourself? Oh Lord, I remember the promises I would make. So maybe this comes then, and you're thinking, you know what? This just doesn't feel good anymore. I did have that moment. My gotcha moment or my figuring it out moment came on a Monday morning after a Sunday of afternoon drinking and evening drinking at the Sagebrush Cantina in Calabasas, California. One of my haunts, one of the places where I drank. I woke up that Monday morning and I thought I can't do this anymore. And I made that phone call. And I remember I was in sales, so I would finish all my sales calls and then stop at TJ Fridays, the Cantina. I had a few different haunts back in the day. And that Monday, I called AA, found out where a meeting was, and I had to keep myself busy after work. I can remember that. I went to a mall called the Fallbrook Square. It had been closed in. It was an outdoor mall when I was growing up. But it was a closed-in mall. I got myself some dinner and I wandered the mall till it was time to go to the meeting. So yeah, it can be a quieter moment.

SPEAKER_00 2:44

It could be when you're sitting alone. When you realize it just doesn't feel good anymore. That's right.

Mental Gymnastics And Self Negotiation

SPEAKER_01 2:55

That right there. That's the beginning. Sobriety doesn't start with catastrophe. Does it for some? Yes. Does it have to? No. Some people would call me a high bottom drunk. I don't care. What? The word drunk is still in that sentence. Yeah, I think maybe I was a high bottom drunk. It's just part of my personality. I wasn't willing to go all the way down to the dregs before I started crawling out. And that again is my personality. I had a job.

SPEAKER_00 3:32

I had a place to live. I had a car.

You Don’t Need A Dramatic Bottom

SPEAKER_01 3:37

But I knew what was coming next, and I wasn't willing to go there. So sobriety doesn't start with catastrophe all the time. It often starts with discomfort. Think about that word discomfort. What it feels like. What does your discomfort feel like? Are you feeling discomfortable now? Does this podcast make you uncomfortable? Good. And that's okay. I just I can you know 38 years later, I can still feel that feeling. And I can feel that exhale that I just did. Nobody ever wakes up excited to quit drinking. That's a fact. Nobody goes, woo-hoo, today's the day. It starts subtly. You notice things like you're thinking about drinking more than you used to. You're planning around it. Oh my gosh, the planning. It's exhausting. You're recovering from it longer. You're negotiating with yourself. Oh, good lord, the negotiations that would take place on my morning shower were exhausting. I'll only drink on weekends. You know what? I'm just gonna switch to wine. I'm gonna stay away from hard alcohol. Hard alcohol is the problem. Well, for me, wine was the problem. I'll just have two. I deserve this. Are those some of the negotiations you've made? Have you heard those in your own head? And maybe you do do you do deserve something. But maybe what you deserve isn't another drink.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

Maybe what you deserve is some peace. Doing this podcast has me doing a lot of remembering and a lot of thinking back, obviously, right?

Fear Of Change And Identity

One Honest Decision At A Time

Privacy, Pace, And Telling Others

SPEAKER_01 5:35

It's kind of what happens. And all of that stuff that I just talked about is is exhausting. It's tiring. It's tiring for those around you, too, by the way. But maybe what you deserve, like I said, isn't another drink. Maybe what you deserve is peace, that whisper that says something isn't working. That's not weakness, that's awareness. If you're hearing something isn't working, you're not weak. And even if you are, whatever. But it is awareness. And awareness is very powerful. The mental gymnastics that we do, oi-oy, oi. I think alcoholics are gold medalists in mental gymnastics. Let's talk about that exhausting part. That internal debate and eternal. You're overreacting, you're in denial. You're dramatic, you're justified. It's like living with a courtroom in your head. Think about that again. You're fine, you're not fine, you're overreacting, you're in denial, you're dramatic, you're justified. Judge Judy, get me out of here. One side says you're losing control, the other side says, calm down, everyone drinks. Here's something too that I used to I did, I know other people did too. Is you'd be sitting at the bar with a person that drinks just as much as you and ask them if they think you have a problem. Of course they're gonna say no, because if you've got a problem, they've got a problem. Perfect person to answer ask, because the answer is gonna be what you want to hear. You don't go asking the people you know you're hurting, you'll ask your barmate. Calm down, everyone drinks. And you sit in the middle, exhausted of all of this. What makes this phase so draining isn't even the alcohol, it's the constant mental arguing. If it were truly simple, you wouldn't be thinking about it this much. That's the part that nobody tells you. You don't need that dramatic story. This is important. You do not need a DUI, a public meltdown, a destroyed relationship, a medical crisis to justify change. So if you've been listening to my podcast, Unbottled for well, I think this is my 11th episode now. If you've been listening and you're wrestling, going back and forth, and you're thinking, I've never had a DOI, my relationships are fine. I still have a job, I've got a car. Yeah, so what? You can still be an alcoholic. You don't need those things to justify change. Sometimes the reason is really simple. I do not like how this feels anymore. And guess what? That's enough. You are allowed to change direction before the crash. You don't have to earn sobriety by suffering publicly. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is say, This isn't aligned with who I want to be. Right? Okay. Now I'm going to share a few things with you. You may still have a job, but guess what? You may not have gotten the promotion because they know you drink. There's things in your life that could be going better, even though you think things are great because you drink. So don't allow yourself to be fooled that your life is going really well.

SPEAKER_00 9:45

Guess what? I bet it could be going better. Now there's a whole lot of fear involved with quitting drinking.

SPEAKER_01 9:59

This is the part that keeps most people stuck. It's fear. Because once you admit something has to change, now what? Who will I be? Will I be boring? Well, guess what? I never have been boring. But you could worry about that. What will I do at 5 p.m.? Oh my gosh. And you know what I did every 5 p.m.? I went to a meeting. Will my friends disappear? Will my partner understand? That fear can feel enormous. And I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna sit here and tell you I know what a partner's gonna feel. Because I was single, I was alone, I lived alone, and I was single when I got sober. Was I in a relationship just before that? Absolutely, with another freaking alcoholic. And guess what? He ended up shooting himself in the head. We weren't together at that time. I feel like I really dodged a bullet there. But these fears can feel enormous. And here's the truth: you don't have to solve your entire future today. You don't. Sobriety doesn't begin with certainty, it begins with honesty, just honesty. I can't sit here, my 38 years are my 38 years. I can't tell you what's going to happen in your journey. But I can tell you by not drinking, things will become very clear. It may take some time. For me, there came a point when I realized I was spending more energy managing my drinking than enjoying it. That was the moment when it took more effort to justify it than to live without it. It wasn't dramatic, mine wasn't cinematic. It was clarity mixed with fear. And I didn't map out the next 38 years, people. I even didn't promise forever. I made one decision. Something has to change. Just that one decision, one day, that's how it starts. And for me, as you all know, that decision came with a call to AA. Yours may look very different. So if this is you, if you're listening and that whisper feels familiar, you don't have to label yourself today. You don't have to announce anything to anyone. I didn't tell anybody my first 30 days of sobriety. I went to meetings, I lived my life, I went to work, I came home, I went to meetings, I lived my life, I went to work. I didn't tell a soul until I had 30 days. And I think when I finally told my parents I was 90 days sober, I had gone up to my sisters. My parents were visiting, and I went up to my sisters in Santa Maria. And when they were all there, I let them know. So again, I didn't tell anyone until I was ready. You don't have to commit publicly. You can simply sit with the question, is this still working for me? And answer honestly. That's the beginning of being unbottled. Not perfection, not preaching, just awareness. I hope anything in this episode, if it helped you take it, if there's things you don't need, let them go. Take what you need as always and let things go. Next time we're going to talk about the fear of giving it up. Because that fear, it's real, it's layered, and it deserves compassion from you, not shame. So tune in next week while we talk about that fear. We get more in depth with it. If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it. And remember this: you don't have to hit bottom to choose better. You don't have to implode to evolve. And you don't have to do this alone.com. On my website, you can listen to my other podcasts, but I also want you to know the link to AA is there. Reach out. If you need help, reach out today. If you're not ready, keep listening. Take what I've said, work with it, live with it. And around here we tell the truth so we can live free. I'll see you next time.