What Happens After The First 30 Days Sober

Day 31 can feel calmer on the outside while your mind quietly starts negotiating in the background. I talk about why the space after the first 30 days can be uncomfortable, and how support and structure help you stop surviving and start building. 
• why the first 30 days feel intense and why that matters 
• what changes after day 30 and why “space” can feel scary 
• how the brain turns relapse into “reasonable” logic 
• why doing sobriety alone can be harder than it needs to be 
• what AA is at its core: one alcoholic talking to another 
• what an AA meeting feels like and how you can just listen 
• my first meeting story and how connection keeps me coming back 
• bringing it back to today with one small sober action 

If you're enjoying this kind of real, honest conversation, you might want to check out my other podcasts, too. I have Inside Marcy's Mind, where I talk about life hacks, things nobody teaches you, and how to make everyday life just run smoother. If I've become your friend through this podcast and you want to hear me a little bit more, here's another one: Aging Aim for Sissies. You can find both wherever you're listening right now. I also have a website, Marcybackusmedia.com. 

You can email me at Marcybackhusmedia@gmail.com. I'd love to hear from you. I'd love to hear your stories. If you're struggling, reach out. I'm happy to help.

Email- marcybackhusmedia@gmail.com

Website- marcybackhusmedia.com

Transcript

elcome And A Place To Breathe

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Hello, my name is Marcy. I am an alcoholic, and welcome to Unbottled. Well, I want to welcome you back to Unbottled. If this is your first time, welcome. If you've been listening for the last several episodes, I'm glad you're still here. No matter what, I'm glad you're here today. Wherever you are in this journey, whether you're on day one, day 30, day 300, or maybe you're just sitting there thinking something has to change. You are exactly in the right spot. Take a breath. How about take a breath with me? Because this space, this is where we get honest. Not perfect, not polished, just real. And I truly am glad you're here. Last week we talked about the first 30 days. And let's not sugarcoat that. Those first 30 days, they are intense. That's the phase where everything feels unfamiliar. That's where your routines are shaken up, your emotions are all over the place, and your brain is trying to figure out what just happened. It's kind of the what did I just do phase? The I don't know what to do with myself, phase. And the why is time moving so slow, phase. It's also a very incredibly brave phase because showing up for 30 days, that takes something. That takes willingness, courage, that takes doing it, even if you don't feel like it. So if you're there or you've been there, I just want to say that matters. Don't brush it off. All right. But today we're stepping into something different. We're stepping into day 31. And this is where things shift. Because the chaos starts to settle down a little bit. And now it's not just about stopping something, it's about figuring out well, how do I actually live like this? How do I do this? What what so I'm thinking at this point you're not sure. You haven't chosen a program, or maybe you've stepped in or out of a couple AA meetings like we've talked about. Maybe you've done a program and and they've sent you out on your own. I'm not quite sure where you're at when you're when you're at this point. If you've been going to meetings, great, keep going. If you haven't, well, let's talk about that. So you hit that 30-day mark and things feel a little calmer. You might be sleeping better, thinking clearer, feeling a little bit more like yourself. And for a minute, it feels like, okay, I maybe I got this. And listen, that's not wrong. You have done something absolutely incredible. But here's where it gets tricky. Because with that calm comes a different kind of challenge. Maybe your urgency is gone, the intensity has faded, and suddenly you're left with space. And I'll tell you something, although we all want space, space can feel uncomfortable. Because now you're sitting with yourself. Oh, your thoughts, your habits, your patterns. And there's no distraction to cover it up. Oh my gosh, I remember this point. I really do. 38 years sober, and I still remember that point. When you're with just you and you can't mask it with anything, it's fabulous but scary. So if you've been doing this alone, this is where it gets hard. And this is where my podcast is gonna shift to AA for a while. Now, I've said over and over again in this podcast, I don't care how you get sober. I don't care if it's just listening to my podcast or other podcasts or joining a group on TikTok or going to AA or any numerous ways there are to get sober, but you have to have something. And what I did was Alcoholics Anonymous. So I'm gonna start talking about that a little bit more. We're gonna start focusing on it a little bit, and I'm going to assume that that's a direction that you're taking. Because doing this alone is really hard. And it's not impossible. There's a lot of people out there that stay sober on their own. It's not a path I would choose for me, and maybe it's not a path you would choose for you, but harder than it needs to be. And I do believe that. I do believe quitting on your own is harder than it needs to be. Because when you're by yourself, your brain becomes the loudest voice in the room. And your brain, she has options. Oh, she's got thoughts. And they sound very convincing. Things like, you're fine now. It wasn't that bad. You've proved your point, you can do it. You can handle it this time. She's out there just yapping her little lights out, telling you all kinds of things that you really want to hear. And here's the tricky part. It doesn't sound like sabotage, it sounds like logic, but guess what? It's not. It is your brain trying to take you back to what's familiar. Because there is nothing more uncomfortable for our brain than unfamiliarity. And that's why some of go back and look at my podcast. I've talked about your first meeting. I've talked about some things to help you prepare for this. Just because the voice sounds reasonable doesn't mean it's telling you the truth. Nope. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. Uh take a beat and listen. And this is this is where something like AA comes in. Now, I want to say this gently because I know people have all kinds of feelings about it. And again, go back to some of my earlier um podcasts in The Sobriety. I started, I I I hopefully have given you enough that right now, by bringing it up again, it shouldn't freak you out. And I'm not here to say it's the only way, and I will never tell you that. But I am here to say there is something incredibly powerful about not doing this alone. Alcoholics Anonymous is simply a place where people who understand the struggle come together. We talk about it honestly, no pretending, no fixing, no let me give you the answers, just real people sharing real experiences. And I'm going to talk about Dr. Bob and Bill W again, the two founders of Alcoholics Anonymous. When they were trying to get sober, what they learned is one alcoholic talking to another made all the difference in the world. Now, yeah, there's all kinds of parts to AA. There's steps, there's promises, there's all kinds of things. But the bottom line is one alcoholic talking to another. So since we're going to slip back into my AA talks, I want to give you a little what a meeting feels like again. And if you've never been, let me paint a picture for you. You walk in, and yeah, it may feel awkward at first. Totally. People may turn around and look at you, people may all those things. Anytime you go into somewhere at first, just because we're sober and we're an AA doesn't make us perfect. More than likely, someone will say hey, someone will say hi. But if they don't, don't freak out. You might wonder, where do I sit? Do I have to talk? Are people going to ask me questions? Well, here's the truth. You can just sit down anywhere. That's it. Just sit down. You don't ever have to speak, you don't have to introduce yourself, and you don't have to explain a darn thing. You can just listen. And what you'll probably hear is somebody telling a story that sounds a little too familiar. And you'll think, wait, that's exactly how I feel. And in the moment, something shifts. Because when you can relate to another human being, something shifts. I want you to hear this, and I want you to hear it loud and clear. You realize you are not the only one. And that, my friends, changes everything. So you heard me right. You can go to a meeting, you don't have to say a word. You can just go in, just sit down. If they ask if there's anybody here new, you can stand up, you cannot stand up. You can identify, you cannot identify. Do whatever makes you happy, do whatever makes you feel right. And here is why this kind of space works for so many people. There are millions of people around the world, sober through Alcoholics Anonymous. All over the world, I've been to meetings. Everywhere. And these days with online meetings, good Lord, it's endless. But even without online meetings, there are millions of AA meetings every day. And there are millions of people getting sober through the power of Alcoholics Anonymous. So here's why this kind of space works for so many people, because it interrupts that cycle of being stuck in your own head. Instead of just hearing your thoughts. And let me tell you, what did I just explain to you? Your thoughts are going to try to sabotage you because they want to go back to the familiar. That's how they're set up to work. But that doesn't mean they can't be reprogrammed. In AA, you hear other perspectives, other experiences, and other ways of handling things. And slowly, you will start to build something new. You will start to see, oh, there's another way to do this. Because day 31 is not the finish line. It's actually the beginning of something deeper. The first 30 days, that's survival. After that, we start asking, how do I live differently? And that's where structure comes in. I've talked about this before, how important structure is to staying sober. That's where support comes in. That's where things like AA starts to make sense. Not as a rule, not as an obligation, but as a tool. Oh my gosh. I I've shared this story and I'm going to share it again. My first meeting was a big book study. And a big book study is in Alcoholics Anonymous, there is the big book. It's kind of like the, I don't want to use the word Bible, but it is kind of the Bible of AA. And I went to a small, big book study. I didn't go to a meeting where you could get yourself lost, a speaker meeting or a large meeting. This was a very small, intimate meeting. And I had to identify right off the bat. But again, I feel that that was important for my story. I identified right away. Back in those days, they gave you a little booklet with where the meetings are and the times, and people circled their favorite meetings for me. And I tried out those meetings and it began my journey. Was I scared, you bet. Did I want to back out 150 times? But the people were friendly and they were glad I was there. Because the reason I'm 38 years sober and keep going to meetings is because I need to be there for the newcomer. I need to be there for you when you walk in the door. Somebody was there for me. Yeah. My first meeting was a doozy. It was good. I read out of the big book. I hugged people when I left. I walked away with a booklet with meetings. You now have a phone with all kinds of meetings. I walked out with things people circled. I walked out with phone numbers. If you do identify in a meeting, I guarantee it won't be any different for you. If you choose to sit there quietly, that's fine too. But if you show up one or two times, somebody's going to recognize that you've been there before and they're going to reach out to you. And I hope you reach back. All right, I'm going to take a really short pause here. If you're enjoying this kind of real, honest conversation, you might want to check out my other podcasts too. I have Inside Marcy's Mind where I talk about life hacks, things nobody teaches you, and how to make everyday life just run smoother. So if I've become your friend through this podcast and you want to hear me a little bit more, here's another one: Aging Aim for Sissies. Yes, it is for people getting older, but I give all kinds of great information, whether you're old or not, which is exactly what it sounds like. Real talk about getting older, staying strong, and laughing through it all. You can find both wherever you're listening right now. And I also have a website, Marcybackusmedia.com. And you can email me from that website. So, and you can also email me at inside. I'm sorry, I will say that again. You can email me at Marcybackismedia at gmail.com. I'd love to hear from you. I'd love to hear your stories. If you're struggling, reach out. I'm happy to help. Thanks for listening to that part. Now we'll get on to our how how we're surviving this. I want to tell you that this is where things shift. The first 30 days, you're holding on. After that, you start building. And building looks like creating routines, finding support, being honest with yourself, showing up, even when you don't feel like it. And yeah, sometimes it means doing things that feel uncomfortable, like walking into a room full of strangers. But I don't want to overcomplicate this because we love to do that. We start thinking, what's my long-term plan? How do I do this forever? What if I mess up? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Too big. Bring it back. Or bring that baby back right to today. Just today. What's one thing you can do today that supports the life you're trying to build? It could be going to a meeting. It could be calling someone. It could be going for a walk instead of isolating. Or just not picking up the drink. That counts. Oh my. If you're in this space right now, after those first 30 days, I want you to hear this loud and clear. You are not behind. You are not doing it wrong. You are definitely not alone. This part, this is where things start to become real. This is where you stop surviving, you start building something better. And you don't have to do it perfectly. You just need to keep showing up. Whether it's showing up to listen to my podcasts, whether it's showing up to somebody you follow on Instagram, another podcaster, or if it's an AA meeting, just keep showing up. Around here, we don't do this alone. We don't pretend we've got it all figured out, and we don't go backward. We keep going one day at a time.