The Higher Power Problem

The fastest way to lose someone who needs sobriety support is to say one word: God. I get it. For a lot of us, that word comes with baggage, judgment, rules, or old wounds, and it can make Step Two and Step Three feel like a deal-breaker before recovery even has a chance. So I’m going to talk about the God thing plainly, gently, and without turning it into a sermon. 

I share why I’m comfortable with God, why many people are not, and the line I once said to a friend that helped her stay open: “I can lend you my God until you have one that works for you.” Then we reframe what AA actually asks for a “power greater than yourself” not a specific religion, not a specific name, and not something you have to perform or explain. Your higher power can be nature, the beach, the universe, the rooms full of sober people, peace, love, or simply the idea of something bigger than your current struggle. 

We also get practical about why a higher power matters for relapse prevention and daily sobriety: it takes pressure off your nervous system, gives you somewhere to put the hard stuff, and helps most when willpower is gone at the end of a brutal day. If you’re still resisting, I offer three simple questions to help you find a starting point without forcing a label. If this hits home, share this with someone who’s stuck on the God piece, subscribe for more real-talk recovery, and leave a review so more people can find us.

Transcript

Why The God Word Stops People

Redefining Higher Power In AA

Options For A Higher Power

Where Else You Can Find Me

Why A Higher Power Helps Daily

Three Questions To Start With

Stay Open And Reach Out

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Hello. Welcome to Unbottled. My name is Marcy Batkin, and I am your host. I want to welcome you back to Unbottled, where we are living life sober, clean-headed, and just a little bit louder than we used to. I'm Marcy, and around here we talk about sobriety in a way that's real, not perfect, not preachy, and definitely not one size fits all. Because the truth is getting sober is one thing, staying sober is another. That's where the real work and the real growth begins. So if you're new here or you've been walking this road with me for a while, I'm really glad you're here. I really am. I'm doing this to help others. I've been sober for 38 years. And hopefully I know a thing or two. I don't know everything, but I know a little bit. I obviously do know how to stay sober for a long period of time. Have I done it perfectly all the time? Nope. Am I going to do it perfectly going forward? Nope. But I'm doing my best. And I'm here to help you do your best. Okay, this week we need to talk about the thing that makes people real uncomfortable in sobriety circles. And that word is God. I mean, even saying it loud out loud, half of you just leaned in and the other half went, eh, I'm not going to listen to this podcast. And I get it. I really get it. But stay with me because today we are talking about the God thing without making it weird, heavy, or feeling like you just walked into a church basement you didn't sign up for. All right, let's just say it. The God piece. It stops people cold. Not the quitting drinking part, not the admitting there's a problem. It's step two, step three, the whole higher power conversation where people go, yeah, I'm out. And you know what? I get it. Because depending on your background, that word God can come with a lot. I really do get that. It can come with a lot, it can come with baggage, it can come with rules, judgment, childhood stuff, or just a big fat no thank you. And here's the problem if you think sobriety requires you to suddenly become religious, you might never even start. Right? Like I I know so many people, and I have a quick story. My bestie, when I got sobered, she was having a really hard time with the God thing. She was a recovering Catholic, so to speak. And she was really having trouble with that God piece. And you know what? I did not, but I understand it. I have always had a loving and a forgiving God. I was raised no other way than God loves me no matter what, no matter what I do, no matter how I behave. I've always had a good and loving God. And I can remember standing in the kitchen, we lived in a house together, and her saying that. And I said to her, I can lend you my God until you have one that works for you. Because I have a loving God. Now, in that moment, I was I was doing what I thought was right. And come to find out here, 38 years later, we just had lunch a couple weeks ago, and she brought up that and said that that was a really big thing for her, and it really did help her. So I'm here to tell you that if you're struggling with this piece, you can share my God too, or we can figure out something else that works great for you. I don't want you to say, Yeah, I'm out. I really don't. I know that it comes with a lot. So I I want to reframe this. So I want to give you the simple, most freeing version of this. You do not have to believe in God the way anyone else does. Full stop. I'm gonna say that again because I really want you to hear me. You do not have to believe in God the way anyone else does, full stop. So in programs like AA, they say a power greater than yourself. That's it. Nowhere in AA does it say God, it says a power greater than yourself. Now let's think about that. Let's think about that. It's not a specific religion, it's not a specific belief system, not even a specific name, just something for God's sakes that isn't you. We got ourselves into this mess. We need something other than ourselves to get us out. So nowhere does it say God, it says a power greater than yourself. For me, it was God. For you, it may be a chair, it may be your cat, it may be, I don't know, it may be nature, it may be the ocean, it may be the lake, it may be a multitude of things, it just can't be you, and why not you? Because let's be honest for a second, if we could have figured this out on our own, we would have. Right? Right? We we you wouldn't be listening to my podcast, and I wouldn't be going to AA meetings for 38 years if we could figure it out on our own. And I'm gonna tell you something about myself. I find leaning towards God freeing for me. It relieves me of the pressure of handling it all. And if a walk in nature, if if if a sitting by a lake, if whatever it is allows you to turn it over to something or someone else, that's what you should do. Because we've tried controlling it, moderating it, promising ourselves, swearing this time is different, and yet here we are. You're listening to my podcast and I'm doing it. So the idea isn't believe in something magical. That's not what I'm asking. Excuse me, I've got a hiccup. That's not what I'm asking you to do. The idea is maybe I am not the best person to run the show right now. You think that one hits a little, doesn't it? Like you're not qualified to run your own life? Yeah, well, you're probably not. So I've talked about what's not, what is, what a higher power can actually look like. Here's where we make this real and not weird. At least I hope I don't make it weird. My intention here is always to help and never to make it weird, but one never knows these things. Your higher power, like I spoke before, could be nature. You know I love the beach, and that counts, by the way. Your higher power could be the universe. Your higher power could be the group itself, seriously. Rooms full of sober people. Now that's power. Peace, love, even just the idea of something bigger than your current struggle. It does not have to be religious, formal, defined, or explained to anyone else. All right, I'm gonna repeat this and I'm gonna go slower this time. It does not have to be religious, it does not have to be formal. And guess what? If you're not ready to, you don't even have to define it. And the best part is you don't have to explain it to anyone else, including your sponsor. Your sponsor will want to know that you have a higher power because, again, we can't rely on ourselves in this. And you can let them know, yes, you do. It's a personal thing. My my religion, my belief in God and how I feel and the things I feel are personal. I don't have to share it with anybody else, do I? Yes. Because I I'm an overshare. I share everything. So I have three podcasts. All right. Here's here's just, I'm gonna. I'm gonna give you, I've I've told you a little. My first reaction to the God thing was okay, because I have a loving and caring God. I was divorced before I got sober. I made questionable choices multitudes of times before I got sober. I put myself in bad situation after bad situation. But I never felt like God didn't love me. I never felt like I would get to the pearly gates and he'd say, nope, Marcy, you didn't make it. Never. Never. I don't know why that is. I grew up as a Lutheran. It's a pretty easy-going religion. ELCA scented, not the Missouri. If you're a Missouri-cented person, you may disagree with me. I grew up feeling God's love. So for me, this wasn't hard. But like I told you, my my friend had some resistance to this, and I understand that. I understand there's recovering Catholics. I understand there's recovering all kinds of things. You may have had just a horrible experience in religion. So you don't have to make this religious. It's a higher power, something greater than yourselves. I want you to find something that works for you because I don't want this to be the piece that keeps you from getting sober. And now, if you were using it as an excuse, guess what? I just knocked that excuse out of the park. You don't have to explain it to anyone. You can pick anything to be stronger than yourself. So now what are you gonna do? Hmm? What you gonna do? Remember, messy is always better than polished here. So if it's messy, it's messy. But you gotta pick something. All right, I want to take a quick pause here because I want to make sure you know where else you can find me. If you're getting sober and maybe my voice now is has become some sort of a comfort to you, or if you are of a certain age, or if you just like nonsensical information, I do have two other podcasts. Inside Marcy's mind, this one's about life hacks, perspective shifts, and the stuff that we deal with, but don't always talk about. So it's a multitude of things. It's whatever's on my mind, which can be scary at times. And aging aim for sissies, where we keep it real, a little sassy, and we talk about what it actually looks like to age intentionally and not quietly. And for that one, 40 and over probably can listen. If you're younger, you may not enjoy it. 40 may even be too young, but join us if you can. You can also find everything, episodes, updates, and more on my website, which is marcybacchusmedia.com. You can also find me where you're listening now. All three of my podcasts are always findable in all of the podcast space. All right, I've taken enough time to do that. Let's get back to it. Here's why a higher power matters. Having something bigger than you takes the pressure off. It gives you somewhere to put that hard stuff. Are you not sick and tired of dragging it around with you? Are you not exhausted? Having a higher power gives you someplace to set that as you work through it. It helps in the moments where willpower is gone. Because let's be real, willpower at 9 a.m. is strong, and willpower after 9 p.m. after a rough day from hell is questionable. That's when you need something else. So if you make the group your higher power, go to a meeting. What could be easier than that, huh? All right. Okay, I've given you a lot. And if it still feels uncomfortable, I want I'm gonna give you something to try because I don't want you to feel uncomfortable. I don't want this to be the thing that's standing between you and sobriety. So instead of God, ask yourself, what helps me pause instead of react? What helps me not pick up a drink today? And what reminds me I am not alone? Make that your starting point. That's enough. Let me go through those three questions again. So instead of God, ask yourself, what helps me pause instead of react? What helps me not pick up a drink today? And what reminds me I'm not alone? That's your starting point. That's enough. All right, I know there's some of you out there going, oh, this lady is nuts. So for the people still resisting, and if you're sitting there thinking, yeah, I still don't like it, that's okay. You don't have to solve this today. You don't even have to define it right now. You just have to stay open enough to not slam the door shut. You don't have to know what your higher power is the day you walk into AA or whatever other way you decide to get sober. But please don't slam the door shut. Keep it cracked open. Because the truth is, sobriety isn't about becoming someone else. It's about becoming someone you can finally trust. It's about becoming someone you can finely trust. So, all right, my friends, if this episode stirred something in you, questions, resistance, curiosity, all of it is welcome here. You can email me at Marcybacchusmedia at gmail.com. That's Marcy Bacchus with an H B A C K H U S Media at gmail.com. You don't have to have all the answers. You don't have to believe what anyone else believes. You just have to keep going. And then again, if you're struggling and you're listening today and you're wondering if you might have a problem, just know you don't have to figure it out alone. There is support. There are people who get it, and there is a way forward. I want to thank you for being here. Thanks for listening, and I'll see you next time on Unbottled.