Do You Really Need AA?

I get honest about the question “Do I really need AA?” and why the real issue is what keeps us sober when motivation drops. I share what worked for me in Alcoholics Anonymous, why going it alone can get risky fast, and how you can build support that fits your life.
• the appeal of quitting drinking on your own and why it sometimes works
• why relying on the same brain that got you here can lead back to relapse
• what AA actually offers beyond myths about cults or forced belief
• accountability and community as protection when motivation disappears
• my early sobriety story and what 38 years sober has taught me
• the danger of “I’ve got this” and the quiet drift away from support
• practical support options including AA, therapy, online community and trusted friends
• questions to ask yourself if you keep going back to drinking
You can find everything, episodes, updates, and more on my website, which is marcybacchusmedia.com. You can also email me at marcybacchusmedia at gmail.com.

Transcript

The Appeal Of Going Solo

Why Quitting Alone Gets Risky

What AA Really Offers

What You Need To Stay Sober

Marcy’s Early AA Experience

Where To Find Marcy Online

The Danger Of “I’ve Got This”

Support Options And Final Takeaway

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Hello. Welcome to Unbottled. My name is Marcy Backus and I am your host. Well friends, welcome back to Unbottled, where we are living life sober, clear-headed, and just a little bit louder than we used to. I'm Marcy, and around here we talk about sobriety in a way that is real, not perfect, not preachy, and definitely not one size fits all. Because the truth is, getting sober is one thing. Staying sober, that's where the real work and the real growth begins. So if you're new here or you've been walking this road with me for a while, I'm glad you're here. All right, let's get into it. Just I always like to say this if you haven't listened to any of my other podcasts. I have been sober 38 years, and my oldest child encouraged me to do this podcast. And I have been enjoying it. I hope you've been listening to it, and I hope that you find it helpful on whatever journey that you are on. Okay, let's just say the quiet part out loud. Do I really need AA? Or can I just do this my own way? Because I know that's what some of you are thinking. I don't want meetings, I don't want labels, I don't want to sit in a circle and say things I'm not ready to say. And honestly, fair. So today we're picking sides. Well, I'm sorry, today we're not picking sides. We're getting honest about what actually works and why. It's funny, when I started this podcast, I thought it would be more AA centered. And I'm getting, I will get there in this podcast for sure. But the main thing I really wanted was a place for everybody who's trying to get sober. And I know that I got sober through Alcoholics Anonymous. It doesn't mean it's right for everyone. Now, the problem with that is my expertise, so to speak. I have no expertise. I am just somebody who's been sober for 38 years. My sobriety came from Alcoholics Anonymous. It's what I know, it's what I'm comfortable with. But that's not to say that I'm not willing to look at other ways to keep sober. But I will talk about AA a lot. So as you know, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna stop because that's what I know. That would be silly of me to do. I'm willing to look at other things, but I'm always gonna bring it back to Alcoholics Anonymous. So I do understand there's a lot of people that don't want meetings, or you think you don't. See, that's where my my sight's gonna come in, excuse me. Do it in on doing it on your own does sound amazing. So let's start there. No schedules, no meetings, no explaining yourself, no awkward coffee chats with strangers. Just you deciding I'm done. And for some people, it works. So I don't want any of you haters out there going, I did it, it worked for me. I get it. I and God bless you. I honestly, if I could have done it on my own, I would have done it on my own. But for me, there was no way. I don't know how many times I woke up and said, I'm not gonna drink today. And by whatever time o'clock, I was already having a cocktail. So there you go. And it does work for some people. There are people who quit drinking and never look back. No program, no structure, no group. But, and you knew there was a butt coming. That's not the majority. Because if it was, we wouldn't have the problems with alcohol that we have these days. So let's be real. Although that works for some people. I know my dad back in the day quit smoking and just said, I'm not gonna smoke anymore, and he didn't. I think I have heard from most people that drink and drank or drink and smoke that quitting smoking was harder than quitting drinking. And I am not gonna deny that because I have never smoked, so I can't. Oh, if you're trying, I I always want this podcast to be helpful. So as I talk, I am always trying to present things in a helpful manner, never to rile people up or upset them. So here's the thing that no one loves to hear. If you're trying to do this completely alone, you are relying on the same brain that got you into this mess in the first place. I want you to think about that for a minute. If you're trying to do it alone, you're relying on the same brain that has got you here in the first place. And yeah, I know that brain is very convincing. It'll tell you things like, you're fine now. You can handle just one. How's that worked out for you? It wasn't that bad. Oh, other people are so much worse. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. Does that all sound familiar, first of all? And let me tell you something. My favorite thing to do would be to ask the person at the bar next to me, who's either as drunk or more drunk than me, if they thought I had a drinking problem. Of course they always said no. Because if I did, they did. Alcoholics are not stupid people. We are very smart. We're very crafty too. And so is our brain. So if you're counting on that brain to keep you sober, that's where going solo gets tricky because there's no one there to call you out or catch you before you slide. So, see, the thing is, as I've told you before, AA was founded, and most programs were founded on the fact of one alcoholic talking to another. So if you're doing it on your own, who's the other alcoholic you're talking to? What does AA actually offer? So let's talk about Alcoholics Anonymous without the myths. AA, and we've talked about several of these things before, but repetition is important. So AA is not a cult, it's not a place where people are forced to believe things. If you listen to last week's episode about God, nobody is forced. And first of all, nobody tells you you have to believe in God. They just ask you to find a higher power. And if you're not sure about that, go back to last week's episode because I go in depth into the whole God thing. So AA is not a cult, it is not a place where forced beliefs are forced on you, a one-size-fits-all solution. It is none of those things. What it is is a room full of people who get it. They've been where you are, they've been in a worse place than you. And who the heck knows? You know, we've all got something to look at each other and and hear and relate to. Because when you start weaning your brain off alcohol, chaos ensues. It's a fact. I don't care what program you're in. Accountability when motivation appears. I'm sorry, when motivation disappears. Sometimes my words, remember everybody, I had cancer last year and chemo. So sometimes my brain messes up. Accountability when motivation disappears. Sometimes we need to be held, well, a lot of times we we always let me say it this way, we always need to be held accountable. And sometimes we're not capable of holding ourselves accountable. And one of the best things that AA gives you is support on the days you don't trust yourself. And I'm gonna say the most important thing AA shows you, and I am that proof. Proof that long-term sobriety is actually possible. 38 frickin' years, people. And I do say that proudly. I'm not saying that to get a pat on the back. Damn it, I walked in a room just like you. I walked in defeated, an alcoholic, woke up drinking, went to sleep drinking, didn't know how to sleep, only could pass out, was a blackout drinker, a blackout driver. Oh, goody for me. That's a great thing to be proud of, right? I was all those things. And I have not had a drink of alcohol in 38 years. And I am a one and done. First meeting, never drank again. So the room of AA is full of what is possible. And here's another thing I'm gonna say about Alcoholics Anonymous. 90% of the other programs you go to, sobriety houses, sober living, all those things, they base their sobriety, their long-term sobriety on AA. So I don't think you're gonna be able to escape it, but you can try. And if it works for you, please email me at Marcybackusmedia.com. Honest to goodness, I want stories. Please share your stories with me. And if you want to come on the air and share your stories, I am happy to put you on. You only have one requirement to be on this podcast. You need to be sober, and that's my rules. So, okay, the real question. So the question isn't really, do I need AA? A better question is, what do I need to stay sober? Because here's the truth. Here is the truth. Some people need daily meetings, a sponsor, and structure. Others need therapy, community in a different way, and lifestyle changes. And some people need a mix. Some people need a mix. I know that through TikTok, and I haven't really I've advertised this podcast on TikTok. I really haven't used TikTok the way I should to probably get more listeners. And I will do that. I've been spending my time trying to give you a quality podcast, not get as many listeners as possible. But if you want to share it with a friend, please do. Nobody in my AA meetings even know I do this because I don't want anybody to feel they need to listen. I want people to find this and share it. So some people need a mix of all these things. For me, I tried so many times on my own. I like I said earlier, I don't know how many times, how many times I said I wanted to stop drinking and I couldn't. I remember my first husband and I went on a camping trip and we didn't take any alcohol. Oh my God. Like after the first night, I'm like, we need to go to the store and get some wine. I need at least some wine. Like, that's not alcohol. Anyways, I could never do it on my own. My experience with the AA has been nothing but positive. And I think if you go in looking for negative, that's what you'll find. If you go in with an open heart and open mind and look for the positive, that's what you're gonna find. I don't know what I thought going in. I just knew I couldn't do it on my own. At that time was 1988. I knew some people that had gotten sober there, some young people, friends of mine in the industry. And I went. I don't know what surprised me, if anything surprised me. Because I really didn't know what I was getting into. What helped was I had somewhere to go. First of all, I was in sales. So after work, I'd always just go to a bar and my workday could end anywhere from three o'clock on. So I needed somewhere to go. There's AA meetings all day long everywhere. And I found a meeting house. And like I said, I think in one of my earlier podcasts, I got sober with uh bikers in a AA clubhouse because I would go to midday meetings, and they were there. I think what surprised me the most is the people that were there helped me. They cared about me from the minute I walked in the door. I may not have seen it right away, but they did. And I care about every newcomer that raises their hands at my meetings. I try to approach them and just say hi, hey, and tell them we're glad we're there. The truth is, it's up to you to get there. And what you find when you're there is positive if you look for the positive. What does my version of support look like now? My version of support is my friends, my family, and my AA meetings. That's it. That is what my support looks like now. And in the beginning, the reason I went to meetings is completely changed in some ways and completely not changed in others. Part of it was social when I got sober. I don't look at it as a social thing for me anymore, and that's okay. But what I do look at it is support. I do love to hear the stories. I do somebody gave a lead the other day at a meeting. They'd only had a year of sobriety, and I could relate to many things they said. The main thing is we are all the same. We are all just one drink away from being an alcoholic again, a practicing alcoholic. I'll always be an alcoholic. All right. With with that a little bit of my story being said, I want to take a moment because I want to make sure you know where else to find me. If you're loving these conversations, I have two other podcasts you need to check out. One is inside Marcy's mind, and that's all about life hacks. This week I'm going to talk about the difference between the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution, because I think we need to know. I think we learn it when we're young and we forget. It will be fun. I nothing is boring and dry with me ever. I think this is my most serious podcast I do, and for reasons, because it needs to be. But my other podcasts are fun and light. And inside Marcy's mind, we deal with the stuff that I don't know, whatever's on my mind. And that's what's been on my mind. Aging A for Sissies, where we keep it real, a little sassy, and we talk about what it actually looks like to age intentionally and not quietly. You can find everything, episodes, updates, and more on my website, which is marcybacchusmedia.com. You can also email me at marcybacchus at gmail, marcybacchusmedia at gmail.com. And I'd love to hear from you. I'd love to hear your stories. You can find my podcasts everywhere. Let your friends know. All right, let's get back to what we are really here for. There's some real danger in the I've got this. I'm gonna tell you this now. 38 years of sobriety. I don't got this. The day I think I've got this is the day I'm in trouble. So let's talk about that phrase and and what it gets you. You've got some time under your belt, you're feeling good, clear-headed, and strong. And then comes this thought I think I've got this. That, my friends, is a moment where a lot of people quietly drift away from support wherever you're getting your support. And sometimes that works, but most of the times that's where the slide starts. Not dramatic, not overnight, just slow. Just slow. You may not drink right away, but you will. But you will. I can nothing's a hundred percent, but I'm gonna tell you 99%. You back away from whatever support system you have, you're gonna drink again. It's not am I, it's when am I? People can argue that fact with me all they want. I've seen it one too many times. There was a woman at one of my meetings, and she was older than I. And she came in money, not you know, not nothing negative, but she struggled with so many things. And she had been sober 28 years, and her and I would talk. She had some issues with a daughter, etc., etc. etc. And one night I realized I hadn't seen her for a while. And I asked one of my acquaintances at that meeting, one of my friends at that meeting, I said, you know, and I explained the woman, and he said, Oh, she jumped out of her condo building and killed herself. Nothing's a guarantee, people. Nothing. And I think about her often. I had many after the, you know, part what we call parking lot conversations. Although in the city where I go, we don't have a parking lot, but I had many parking lot conversations with her. And there's always that feeling of I should have said one more thing, or I should have taken one more moment, or I should have checked in on her. But the truth is we have to do this ourselves, but we don't have to do it alone. So here's the freedom in all of this. You don't have to do AA forever. You don't have to do it at all. But you do need support. I think you don't have to do AA forever. I did just say that. But I think you should. It gives me a lot, it gives me more than I've given it. You don't have to do it at all. But you do need support. And that might look like AA meetings. It may be a sober community online, it may be a sober community that mur goes for walks, it may be just a therapist, it may be my podcast, and if it is, welcome. And if this is what you're using to stay sober, I will do my best to give you what you need. If you need someone to listen, email me. Send a voice note through email if you don't want to type it all out, if you want to just talk to me. Or just friends who know your truth. But white knuckling it alone, that's the hardest version there is. If you're unsure, I want you to try this. I want you to ask yourself honestly. Have I tried to quit before and gone back to drinking? Do I isolate when things get hard? Do I talk myself into things I later regret? If the answer is yes, it might be time to try something different. Not forever, just for now. Here's the balance I want you to hear. There is no one right way to get sober, but there is the wrong way. Thinking you don't need anything or anyone, because this isn't just about stopping drinking, it's about changing how you live. It's about changing how you live. You don't have to follow someone else's exact path, but you do have to find a path that supports you. And if you're struggling or wondering if you might have a problem, just know you don't have to figure it out alone. There's support out there. There are people who get it, and there is a way forward. I want to thank you as always for being here. I want to thank you for listening and giving me an opportunity to be a support on your sober journey. I'll see you next time on Unbottled.