90 Meetings In 90 Days;

We start a new AA-focused chapter of Unbottled and get real about why “90 meetings in 90 days” keeps showing up in early sobriety. I share how daily meetings helped me survive the trigger-heavy first months, build a routine, and stay sober one day at a time for 38 years. 
• why I’m shifting into AA-focused episodes and what AA offers 
• what “90 meetings in 90 days” actually is and why it’s a suggestion 
• how early sobriety triggers work and why the first 90 days feel shaky 
• using meetings to replace bar time and home-drinking time 
• repetition as a way to build habits, routine, and stability 
• familiar faces and real accountability that keeps you connected 
• giving a meeting three tries before you decide it’s not for you 
• permission to be imperfect, leave early, stay quiet, and still count it 
• common resistance thoughts and how they keep people stuck 
• trying different meetings and deciding based on experience 
If you ever want to get a hold of me, marcybackhusmedia@gmail.com

Transcript

What 90 Meetings In 90 Days Means

Triggers And The Early Sobriety Window

Routine And Accountability Through Meetings

Finding Your People And A New Life

Doubts People Have And Real Answers

Try Meetings And Keep It Simple

Support, Next Steps, And Closing

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Hey friends, welcome back to Unbottled, where we are living life sober, clear-headed, and just a little bit louder than we used to. I'm Marcy, and I'm an alcoholic. And around here we talk about sobriety in a way that is real, not perfect, not preachy, and definitely not one size fits all. Because the truth is, getting sober is one thing. Staying sober, as we talk about, that's where the real work and the real growth begins. So if you are new here, or you've been walking this road for with me for a while, I'm really glad you're here. And I really mean that. This podcast is growing. On one hand, it makes me sad that there's a lot of people out there that need to get sober. On the other hand, I'm glad you found me. All right. So this week we're starting something new. This is my 20th episode. So if you are just finding me, please go back. I've touched on many subjects, many different things that are important to beginning sobriety. All kinds of things, your first AA meeting, all there's a lot of episodes that I've covered. But I've decided that today's the day where we're diving into some AA-focused episodes. And the reason we're doing that is because for those of you that know, I got sober 38 years ago and I got sober through AA. So that's what I really know. Now, is it the only way to get sober? Absolutely not. Is it free? Yes. Is it available 24-7? Yes. Do you have to be checked in? No. Can you just walk into a room? Yes. So for me, Alcoholics Anonymous is a place that you can go anonymously. Hello. And it's free. You don't have to pay for it. But you do have to put in the effort. And that's what we're going to be talking about today. So we're we're definitely diving into some AA-focused episodes. From episode 20 on, I am going to be focusing on sobriety through alcoholics anonymous. Now, if you ever want to get a hold of me, Marcy Backis, M-A-R-C-Y, B-A-C-K-H-U-S Media at gmail.com. That's Marcy Backusmedia at gmail.com. You can email me anytime. Also, if you are on Apple Podcasts, there's a link that you can click right by my name, all of that. But you can get a hold of me. And if you have a story you want to share about your sobriety, I'm happy to have you on the air. It's really easy, you guys. It's not hard. The other thing is, if you've gotten sober another way and have been very successful at it, then AA, and you think it needs to be shared, I'm happy to share it for you or with you. So let me know. But today we are going to tackle any of you that have brushed with sobriety or in early sobriety or have gone to AA meetings, might have heard 90 meetings in 90 days. And we're going to talk about why. And yes, I did 90 days 90 daities, 90 meetings in 90 days. And I did well beyond that after that. 38 years, I'm still going to meetings. So there is a reason for it. And I definitely want to share that with you. When people first hear this, the reaction is usually the same. And not always, but usually, wait, what? You want me to go to a meeting every day for three months? Yeah, it sounds like a lot. Too much, even. And if you're already overwhelmed, it can feel like, nope, not happening. But I'm going to tell you the reason this gets suggested so often. Now, I also want to remind you that when I got sober, there were no online meetings. You couldn't, you could get to a meeting almost 24 hours a day through clubhouses. Traverse had to know what those were and where they were. You could have somebody talk to you, that's for sure. There were phones, just like there are now. You can if you on my website, Marcybackusmedia.com, you can go there and click and it'll send you right to AA and you can talk to a person 24-7. But you do have it a lot easier now. And now I'm going to sell like an old person to my dare we didn't. But this is something I think is great. You can go to a meeting 24/7, online meetings all day long. So it's not about control, it's about survival. 90 and 90 is not a rule. No one is coming after you with a clipboard. There's no alcoholic with a clipboard out there chasing you down. It is a suggestion. Commonly heard in Alcoholics Anonymous, especially early in your sobriety. And the idea is simple. In your first 90 days, you immerse yourself in recovery because those first 90 days can be shaky, as we've talked about in other episodes. Let me tell you, what else do you have to do? You're not going out drinking. You shouldn't be hanging out at a bar. All those things you used to do in the evening or afternoons, you probably shouldn't be doing them. So you might as well be at a meeting. So I want to be real about this window. This is when your habits are still fresh. Your triggers are everywhere. What is a trigger, people? A trigger could be you're driving home from work, like me. I used to go to the same two or three bars. Well, now I'm driving home from work, where am I going to go? I went to a meeting. Now I happened to be luck out, in so to speak. When I got sober, I did not realize at the end of my block, like if you went down like two or three blocks from my apartment, there was a main road called Sherman Way. And on Sherman Way was a clubhouse. Whoops, right there. So after work, that's where I'd go. And I think I've shared with you, I got sober with bikers in the afternoon that hung out at that clubhouse. Getting sober, by the way. So your triggers are everywhere. Your brain is negotiating constantly. Oh, you don't need a meeting today. You could just go home. Well, if you're a home drinker, ooh, trigger. Your brain is playing those games. Your emotions are all over the place. One minute you feel strong. Next minute you're like, maybe I overreacted. Maybe I can handle this. That's the danger zone. Oh, I didn't have a problem with alcohol. Look at me, I've gone two weeks without drinking. It certainly isn't a problem for me. These are the things and the triggers and the voices you're going to hear. 90 meetings in 90 days is going to keep you from that. Not only that, it's going to create a good habit. We know that three weeks of continual doing something creates a habit, whether it's running or cutting back on carbs, if you can get through three weeks, it will become a habit. So 90 meetings in 90 days is going to create your habit. And it's a good habit. It's a habit I still have. All right. So why every day? Because the repetition builds routine, accountability, familiar faces, and a place to go when things feel off. Now you've heard this. Oh, uh somebody will be doing a share or whatever your area calls it, a speaker. And they'll say, well, John over there in that seat. Man, he grabbed me when I came through that door. And every day when I would come to a meeting, he'd be there. Whatever it may be, that is what 90 and 90 creates. Familiar faces is so important in Alex Alcoholics Anonymous. The people that miss you when you're not there. I have not been to my Friday night meeting in three weeks. One, two of them, we had theater tickets, and last week I was out of town. And I'll tell you, when I show up tomorrow night at my meeting, they will be happy to see me. They'll ask me what's going on. Nobody needs to check on me, and they know that. But they'll want to know what's been up. And I love that accountability. So instead of asking, should I drink today, you're asking, which meeting am I going to? That's a shift, everyone. That shift is everything. What should I drink today? And instead of asking that, you're saying to yourself, which meeting am I going to? And there's so many and so many types. Let me say this clearly. You, and we've I've talked about this. I sorry, I keep saying that, but I have. You don't have to do this perfectly. There is no such thing as perfect sobriety. You might miss a day. You might hate a meeting you were at and leave. You might feel awkward, and you may sit there and not say a word. All of that still counts. In those 90 days, if you have a day you just can't do it, that's fine. If it turns into two, three, or four, not so good. You may go to a meeting. I have always said give a meeting three times before you make a judgment, because different people every time create a different feeling. And you may have hit a meeting on a night where the regulars aren't there. May have been an awkward speaker. There may have been something weird going on. Give it three times. And if you still don't like a meeting after three times, move on. But just showing up counts. That's the win. All right. That is the win. 90 Meetings in 90 days was suggested to me, and it was the greatest thing I ever did because it immersed me into the AA way of life and got me out of the bars. I was a bar drinker and a home drinker. So I got it everywhere. So I didn't want to be home and I didn't want to be in a bar. Where else am I going to be? I might as well be in a meeting. So I found a set of meetings that I loved. I had Wednesday night candlelight meeting over in a church in Woodland Hills, had the fun bunch meeting. That's where I became a part of the fun bunch. We were a first group of people that were young and got sober. We had bingo. We did bowling. We had parties, we had dances. But by going to those 90 meetings in 90 days, I figured that out. And what you'll figure out is you'll you'll find a group of people that you kind of relate to and you'll ask them what meetings they go to and they'll share to you. And your meeting list will grow on its own. We started with a little paper book. People would sign their meetings. Nowadays everything's online. But I, instead of asking where am I going to drink tonight, I, in my head, when I finished work, I was in sales. So I would finish here, there, and everywhere. And it'd be like, okay, I can make it to this meeting, or I finished late, I could make it to that meeting, or I finished early and I could make it to this meeting. I looked forward to my meetings. I had my meetings create my social circle. My social circle became the people at those meetings. Did I still have friends outside of AA? Absolutely, I did. My bestie, my bestie, bestie, bestie's been my bestie since sixth grade. Been there through the good, the bad, and the ugly. And funny thing is, her husband was a part of the fun bunch. So that immediately created a connection for me. You never know. You just never know. I think it surprised me greatly. I loved my life in a bar. I loved sitting and being with people. So now I found my people, but I found them in AA meetings. And the things that helped me keep going is obviously one more day of sobriety. Every day I got a day of sobriety. I okay, everybody, it boggles my mind. I say 38 years like a throwaway line. It's not lost on me that on January 11th, 1988, I walked into a meeting and I haven't had a drink since. Does that sound insane to you? Because it does to me, and I'm the person. But that's because when I went in, I never looked at 38 years. I looked at today. And if I can get through today and not drink, I can get through tomorrow. And I moved my days on and on. I also would go into Malibu. I lived in Woodland Hills, California. And on Saturday nights, I would go into Malibu and go to the Malibu speaker meeting. It was kind of like my night out, you know, and I became friends with people there. Actually, did some drinking in Malibu back in the day, lived there for a short period of time, and ran into some of the people I drank with. They also got sober. You just never know what's going to happen. You never know who you're going to run into. And remember, it's always anonymous. So when you leave the room, you leave it there. So I hope 90 meetings in 90 days is starting to sound doable. I want to take a quick pause because I want to make sure you know where else to find me. If you're loving these conversations, I have two other podcasts you need to check out. Inside Marcy's Mind. That one is all about life hacks, perspective shifts, and the stuff we deal with, but don't always talk about. And I have another one called Aging Aim for Sissies. That was my first podcast. I'm now over 10,000 downloads. I'm very proud of myself, where we keep it real, a little sassy, and we talk about what it actually looks like to age intentionally and not quietly. I don't do anything quietly. You can also find everything, every episode, wherever you've got this podcast, wherever you find your podcast, but everything lives on my website, Marcybacchusmedia.com. All right, let's get back into 90 and 90. Here's what people don't expect. It's not just about staying sober, it's about not feeling alone. And if you heard it, my story, that's in there. Hearing your story in someone else. So all of a sudden you're making a connection. Whoa, I'm not the only one that drove home and didn't remember driving home, whatever it may be. Learning how people actually stay sober. So, how does this work for 38 years? Having somewhere to go instead of spiraling. And some days it's just about getting through the next 24 hours. Let's name the thoughts. I don't have time. Oh, yes, you do. You're not drinking anymore. I'm not like those people. Oh, damn straight yar. You're just like them. We all are the same underneath. We come in different packages. I don't want to talk. You don't have to. You can sit there in silence as long as you want. I don't need that much help. Oh, yes, you do. If you're listening to this podcast and you're wondering if you drink too much, you are. Those are all normal. And also the exact thoughts that keep people stuck. I don't want you to be stuck, people. Don't be stuck. You have time, you are like those people, you don't have to talk, and you do need that much help. Okay, let's talk about the freedom piece. You can try different meetings. I'm not telling you you have to go to the same seven meetings for seven days. You can try different things out. Try seven meetings, try seven different ones. Leave early if you need to. I told you there's no such thing as perfect sobriety here. Just listen. You don't have to talk. Take what works and leaves the rest. And that's exactly what I tell you to do with this podcast. Take what works and leave the rest. Don't listen for the differences, listen for the similarities. This is not about becoming someone else. It's about building something that works for you. Try it before you decide. If you're on the fence, here's my challenge for you. Don't decide based on how it sounds. Don't decide on this because of this podcast. Decide based on experience. Try a few meetings, try a week. Then you decide. And I'm gonna remind you because your brain loves to talk you out of things, that actually might help. Okay, my friends. If this episode made you curious, hesitant, or even a little resistant, that's okay. You don't have to commit to everything. You just have to be willing to try something different. And if you struggle and are struggling or wondering if you might have a problem, just know. You don't have to figure it out alone. And you don't have to figure it out immediately. There's support. There are people who get it. There is a way forward. For me, that was Alcoholics Anonymous. Thanks for being here. Thanks for listening. Our next few episodes are going to continue on this journey, and I'm going to see you next time on Unbottled.