The AA Big Book

We kick off our AA series by taking the fear out of the Big Book and talking about why it still helps people get sober and stay sober nearly 90 years after it was first published. We share how to approach the language, the stories, and the process without trying to be perfect, so you can focus on growth and real support. 

• why we start the AA series with the Big Book 
• what the Big Book is and why it got that nickname 
• why lived experience beats theory in alcohol recovery 
• how stories create connection and reduce shame 
• how to handle outdated language without losing the message 
• what happened at my first Big Book meeting and why small meetings can help 
• the main parts of the book: the Doctor’s Opinion, stories, and the 12 steps 
• how to read it in chunks, use it with a sponsor, and treat it like a tool 

If you're loving these conversations, I have two other podcasts you need to check out. You can find everything, every episode, updates, and more on my website, marcybackusmedia.com. 

Transcript

What The Big Book Is

SPEAKER_01 0:05

Hello, and welcome back to Unbottled, where we are living life sober, clear-headed, and just a little bit louder than we used to. I'm Marcy and I'm an alcoholic. And around here we talk about sobriety in a way that is real, not perfect, not preachy, and definitely not one size fits all. Because the truth is getting sober is one thing. Staying sober, well, that's where the real work and the real growth begins. So if you're new here or you've been walking this road with me for a while, I'm really glad you're here. Okay, friends, this week we're officially starting our AA series. Now, not American Airlines, but Alcoholics Anonymous. If you were looking for American Airlines, you're on the wrong pod. And honestly, there's only one place to start. Now, I've touched on a few things. If you've just jumped in at this episode, go back and look at this is episode 21. I have many episodes already. But here's where the series is going to take a detour into what's kept me sober for 38 years, and that's Alcoholics Anonymous. And there's a lot to talk about that. And the first thing I thought, what we've delved into little bits and pieces, but what's the mainstay of Alcoholics Anonymous? And that's the big book. If you don't know what that is, go to your first meeting. You'll hear about it. But I'm going to kind of break it down. What is it? Why people swear by it, why some people roll their eyes at it, and why almost 90 years later it still matters. Yeah, you heard me right. AA has been existence for over 90 years, is in every country, is free, and keeps millions of people sober, including me for 38 years. So with that being said, let's get into it. Okay, confession time. The first time most people see the big book, they think one of two things, damn, it looks old. And am I actually supposed to read all of this? I didn't know there was homework in AA. And honestly, both of those are fair because it is old. The language can feel outdated. Some parts are clunky. And yet, the book has helped millions of people get sober. Not only help people get sober, but stay sober. So today we're talking about what the big book actually is, why it became such a huge part of Alcoholics Anonymous, and how to approach it without feeling overwhelmed. Because the last thing I want you to feel in sobriety, and nobody wants you to feel this in sobriety, is to feel overwhelmed. And quitting drinking is hard enough. Going to meetings and hearing millions of different things at all the different meetings is helpful, but it can also be hard in the beginning. So my job is to try to clear the path for you, so to speak, and to give you information that might help you navigate your way through this thing called sobriety. So you may be saying, Marcy, what the hell is the big book? So first things first. The big book is the nickname for the book Alcoholics Anonymous. It was first published in 1939. And yes, people still call it the big book because the original editionally edition. Sorry, my mind is, my voice is crazy today. We still call it the big book because the original edition literally had thick pages and was physically bigger than most books at the time. Now there's basic pocket, so to speak, a pocket edition. Sorry, my screen just went nuts.

SPEAKER_00 4:11

All right, here we are, back to where I need to be.

Why Alcoholics Wrote It

SPEAKER_01 4:34

They knew things, but they didn't know what Dr. Bob and Bill W. figured out. So the big book was to explain alcoholism, to share stories from alcoholics, and to lay out the original 12-step recovery process. Now, almost everybody in the world has heard that, you know, we're the 12-step program. Are you in a 12-step program? What's a 12? So next week we'll talk about the 12-steps. Not in depth. We'll talk about them in general, and then we're going to break them down one by one. But this week, the book is to lay out the original 12-step recovery process. Yes, it's a 12-step recovery process. At the time, there really wasn't anything like it. There were sanitariums, there were where people went and took a rest, or you know, nobody really knew what to do with an alcoholic, let alone the alcoholic didn't know what the hell to do. So thank God for Bill W. and Dr. Bob, because they figured it out. So let's talk about why the book became so important. Because it wasn't just theory, it was written by people who actually lived it. That's why Alcoholic Anonymous is so successful, people, because it's one alcoholic talking to another alcoholic. It's not somebody who's trying to theorize why people are alcoholics telling us what to do. We're all in the rooms, and everybody in there has the problem. So it was written by people who had actually lived it, who couldn't stop drinking, who lost relationships, who lost jobs, who were miserable, who weren't happy, who made promises they couldn't keep, and finally found something that helped them stay sober. That mattered. And it must matter to you, or you wouldn't be here. And honestly, it still matters for heaven's sakes, because when you're struggling, hearing, oh my God, someone else thinks like me. Oh my God, I did that too. Oh my gosh, I'm the same. Oh my goodness. It can change everything. I'm going to be honest with you. My Friday night meeting is a speaker meeting here in Chicago, the Chicago Open Group of Alcoholics Anonymous Friday nights, the basement of St. James Cathedral here in Chicago. Let me tell you something. We've had speakers, it's a speaker share meeting. We've had speakers that have had one year of sobriety, and we've had speakers that have had more sobriety than me. And I have learned something or I have related to something that all of them have said. Somebody that's been sober for one year can say something that I can relate to. Somebody with 40 years of sobriety can say something that I relate to. This is important.

SPEAKER_00 7:45

Relating is important. And in that book are stories.

SPEAKER_01 7:57

Not just steps, but stories that you will be able to relate to. The part that people get wrong is here's where I think people get tripped up. They think the big book is meant to be perfect, modern, scientifically flawless, and easy to read cover to cover, like a beach novel. It's not, it's not Hot Girl Summer Meets Recovery Literature. It's a tool, people. It's like a book for school. It's a tool. And like any tool, some parts may resonate more than others. And I'm going to tell you, that's Alcoholics Anonymous in a nutshell. Some things are going to resonate more than others. Everything isn't going to resonate. But I promise you enough is that you will get sober. Not going to promise you you're going to stay sober forever. But if you stay in the rooms and you practice what I'm telling you and what they're telling you, it's going to be a whole lot easier to stay sober for a long period of time.

SPEAKER_00 9:10

Let's just say this out loud. Some of the language feels dated because it is.

My First Big Book Meeting

Where Else To Find Me

How To Use The Book

Stay Open And What Is Next

SPEAKER_01 9:16

It was written in the 1930s by men. So some of the things I want to keep you in keep in your head is I was 27 when I got sober. There were very few young people in the program at that time. That is now something that's changed. Not only that, I was a woman. There weren't a lot of women either. Now that has changed. So yes, this book was written in the 1930s by men. Some word wording feels a little old-fashioned. Some examples feel disconnected from modern life. And some people struggle with that immediately. Don't concentrate on that. Listen to what you need to hear. Don't look for the problems. And that's normal. People look for problems in everything. But here's the key don't throw away the message because of the packaging. The message is still correct because underneath the older language are still some very real truths about denial, ego, fear, shame, connection, and recovery. And human beings honestly have not changed that much. We really haven't. At the core, we're the same. So look for the similarities, not the differences. Where you can tweak language in your head, tweak language in your head. Now the funny thing for me is my very first meeting, all I did was back in the day, you had to either call AA or you had to have one of the little pamphlets that had all the meetings in your area. I got sober in the San Fernando Valley in California. And I believe I had woken up on a Monday after Sunday blackout out at the cantina. And that would be the Sagebrush Cantina. And I said, I need a meeting tonight, and I need one close by. So they gave me one at seven o'clock, I believe, over at the retirement home for people in Hollywood. And I went there and it was a big book meeting. So we read from the big book, we discussed it. You know, everybody went around and read some. I did that. I just acted like I knew what I was doing, you know, fake it till you make it, they say. And that's exactly what I did. So my very first meeting was a big book study. And I suggest in your beginning of sobriety to look for different types of meetings. And there are big book meetings. There's 12 and 12s, there's all kinds of meetings. Try them all. But make sure you get yourself in the beginning into a big book study because I hate reading, to be honest. And I listen to books now back in the day. You could probably listen to the big book now. I don't even know. Maybe you couldn't. And it helped me go through the big book being in a big book study. So, you know, I hear you. I'm not a reader, I'm a listener. I do love to listen to books. They may have a big book that you can listen to now. I'll look it up and find out, probably. Oh, I just got a lightning proximity alert. There's some storms coming through Chicago. Anyways, that's kind of my first introduction into the big book was my first meeting. And at the end of the meeting, everybody talks and asks me, you know, are you new? Blah, blah. And I, you know, I said it was my first meeting, and everybody's like, oh my goodness, you know, and then they were all helpful. They got me the pamphlet that had all the meetings. They circled meetings they went to. Of course, everybody was just lovely. It was a small meeting, and that's a lot of times, like we've talked about your first meeting. I did an episode on that. A lot of people do go to big speaker meetings so they can blend in. Well, I went right in hardcore. And you know what? I'm sober 38 years later. So maybe that's the trick. Maybe don't hide in the rooms. Maybe go to the small meetings. Make sure people know that you're trying and they're there to help you. All right. I'm going to take a quick pause here, like I always do, because I want to make sure you know where else to find me. If you're loving these conversations, I have two other podcasts you need to check out. Inside Marcy's Mind is that one is all about life hacks, perspective shifts, and the stuff we deal with that we don't always talk about. Whatever is on my mind, that's why it's called Inside Marcy's Mind. I've done things as gone over the difference between the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. I've talked about the things I hate in the world. I've talked about how to pack. I've talked about all kinds of things on that podcast. Aging A for Sissies, where we keep it real and sassy and we talk about aging intentionally, not quietly. Again, I would say 40-year-old and up listening to Aging Ape for Sissies, I keep it on Aging, but there's a lot of things for everybody on that. You can find everything, every episode, updates, and more on my website, marcybackusmedia.com. You can also find it on Spotify and Apple and Google and everywhere else. All right, enough about my podcast. Let's get back to the big book. The big book is really made up of a few parts. The doctor's opinion. This explains alcoholism as more than just a bad behavior. It is really important in your beginning sobriety to understand the doctor's opinion. That you have a real problem. Personal stories. These are huge for people because you start to recognize yourself and other people. There is the 12 steps. This is the framework AA uses for recovery. And honestly, a lot of people don't even read it straight through. They read sections slowly, and that's fine. They'll discuss it at meetings or they'll hear it being discussed and you'll pop your book open. Any meeting should give you, if you have financial troubles, any meeting should give you a big book for free. If you have the financial means, of course, pay for it. AA is funded by us, the alcoholic. When you throw your dollar or$2 or five, I throw$5 in every meeting now because I threw a dollar in when I first got here 38 years ago. I think inflation. So for me, I chuck in a little bit more, but I've gotten a lot more from the program. Work through it with sponsors, the big book. Underline things, use it, turn back pages, circle things, skip things, come back later. It's more of a guide than a school assignment. Take it in small chunks, do what you can. But again, see if you can find a big book meeting to attend. Here's the fascinating part about this book. People with 30 days, five years, 25 years, 38 years, still read this thing. Why? Because different parts hit differently depending on where you are in life in your sobriety journey. A sentence that meant nothing early on suddenly hits you right in the chest later. So this is really important, okay? You are allowed to question things, interpret things differently. Take your time with it. You do not have to be instantly become a big book scholar of the year. I'm still not in 38 years. I told you, reading isn't my thing. I grab what I need. I'm kind of a bits and pieces kind of gal. Am I still sober? You're damn right I am. So the goal isn't perfection, the goal is growth. So as we start this AA Alcoholics Anonymous series, here's what I want this to be. Not lectures and not pressure, just a real conversation about recovery, support, the tools we have and need, and things that actually help people stay sober. And whether AA becomes a huge part of your life or is just a part of your story, understanding the big book helps you understand recovery culture in a whole new way. Okay. All right, my friends. If this episode helped make the big book feel a little less intimidating than we did our job today, you don't have to understand everything all at once, for heaven's sakes. You don't have to agree with every word, of course not. You just have to stay open enough to keep learning. And it is a learning, and there are learning curves. And if you're struggling or wondering if you might have a problem, just know you don't have to figure it out alone. There is support. There are people who get it, and there is a way forward. Did you hear me say that again? I mean, I'm gonna say it again. There is support, all kinds of support out there. There are all kinds of people who get it out there. They're on TikTok, they're on Instagram, there are famous people, non-famous people. There are a lot of people out there who get it in many ways to get your sobriety. And there is a way forward. I want to thank you for being here. Always thank you for listening. And I will see you next time on Unbottled, where I think instead of going into the 12 steps, we're gonna start with the doctor's opinion. So check in next time. Remember, that was a part of the book, the big book, the doctor's opinion. That's what we're gonna talk about next time. All right, again, thank you for being with me here in the world of unbottled.