A Plain-English Guide To The AA 12 Steps

We break the Alcoholics Anonymous 12 Steps down into plain English so they feel like a path instead of a threat. We trade perfection for honesty and explain how step work supports long-term sobriety by treating the thinking and pain under the drinking. 
• why the 12 steps sound scary at first and how we soften the fear 
• the steps as a framework for healing relationships and changing thinking 
• why words like inventory, defects, amends, and higher power trigger people 
• a simple translation of Steps 1 through 12 
• why Step Four is about patterns not self-hatred 
• why Step Five reduces shame by ending secrecy 
• amends as accountability without causing more harm 
• daily maintenance and staying connected through reflection or spirituality 
• service as a tool for staying sober 
• why you do the steps slowly and revisit them over time 
You can also find everything, episodes, updates, and more on my website, Marcybacchusmedia.com. 
On my website, marcybackhusmedia.com is a link to Alcoholics Anonymous. There's also a link to Al Anon if you have a person in your life that has a drinking problem. 

Transcript

Welcome and Fear of Step Work

SPEAKER_00 0:08

Hey friends, welcome back to Unbottled, where we are living life sober, clear-headed, and just a little bit louder than we used to. I am Marcy and I am an alcoholic. And around here we talk about sobriety in a way that is real, not perfect and not preachy. At least I try not to be preachy, and definitely not one size fits all. Because the truth is getting sober is one thing. Staying sober, well, that's where the real work and the real growth begins. So if you're new here or you've been walking this road with me for a while, I'm really glad you're here. All right, friends. Yep. Today's the day. Today we are tackling something that scares a lot of people in recovery. The 12 steps. Woo! And before you panic and think, oh no, homework, relax. We're not going to do a deep dive into every step today. So my goal today is to understand what the steps actually are, why people work them, why they overwhelm people, and how to stop looking at them like a giant impossible mountain. I don't want it because honestly, I just don't want it to be a barrier for you. The first time most people hear you should work the steps, their brain immediately goes, absolutely not. You're not going to tell me what to do. You're not going to make me do anything, blah, blah, blah. You know the drill. So today we're going to make it make sense. Okay. So today my goal is to kind of give you an overview of what Alcoholics Anonymous 12 steps are. And then we will future episodes we'll dive into each step more in depth, more comprehensively, I guess I should say. So let's I really want to be honest. I'm always trying to be honest with you. Those of you that know know I've been sober for 38 years. It didn't happen by accident. It's happened by work. And really just work and wanting to stay sober. So the 12 steps can sound intense, confusing, religious, emotionally exhausting, and maybe even a little culty if you don't understand them. And then somebody hands you a book written in the 1930s and start saying things like, Have you done your inventory? Sir, I can barely answer my emails. I'm lucky I got out of bed, and you're lucky I have pants on today, is what you really want to say. So if you've ever felt overwhelmed by the steps, you were completely normal. Today we're simplifying all of it. Okay. So get your pants on. Grab yourself a cup of coffee, a diet. I've got my diet, my trusty emotional support diet coke right here. And let's talk about the 12 steps from Alcoholics Anonymous. Here

What The 12 Steps Really Are

SPEAKER_00 3:20

is what they are not. They are not a magical spell. They are certainly not a punishment. They are not a test, a perfection test, a test in any way, nor are they a list of ways to become a saint. I want you to start thinking about the steps as a framework. It's a process. It's a way to understand your addiction, change your thinking, heal your relationships, and build your life where you don't constantly need to escape yourself. Let me say that last one again. Build a life where you don't constantly need to escape yourself. Have you ever thought about it that way? That drinking was escaping yourself? The problem is we always have ourselves. It goes everywhere we go. Yeah. So that's it. That's really what the steps are: understanding your addiction, changing your thinking, healing relationships, and helping you build the life where you are not constantly need to escape yourself. That's it. And honestly, a lot of the fear comes from hearing all 12 steps at once. And at meetings, we read them. We hear them in the book. We see them. We talk about them, people, talk about them, people. When you're new, and if you're new and you're sitting in a meeting, people talk about them all the time. Sorry about that. Had a cough. Anyways, yeah, you hear about them all the time. And

Why The Steps Feel So Big

SPEAKER_00 5:17

why do we get overwhelmed? I want to talk about why we freeze up around this. Usually it's because we hear words like defects, inventory, amends, and higher power. And none of those are bad words, but they can be scary, they can be triggering. And suddenly you're like, nope, too much. I'm out. Don't let the steps drive you away from your sobriety. Don't allow them to become an excuse either, because I'm going to take all of that away for you. So if you want to keep drinking, stop listening. If you want to quit drinking, keep listening. Because especially in early sobriety, when your emotions are raw, your brain is exhausted. You are exhausted. And you're just trying not to drink today, this minute, the next five minutes, any of that, all of that. The idea of let's now deeply examine your entire life can feel horrifying. And it is horrifying. So allow yourself to feel that, but don't allow that to stop you. Because here's the take the thing that people with long-term sobriety will tell you the steps are not meant to crush you, they're meant to free you. And they will in time. So

The Steps Translated Into Human Language

SPEAKER_00 7:02

first thing I want to do is put the steps into simple language. Let's simplify this in normal human language because honestly, sometimes recovery language needs a translation. I don't know if that's by design. I don't know why, but it does. So step one basically is I can't keep doing this. This is the honesty step. This is where you stop arguing with reality. It's admitting alcohol isn't working anymore. Did it ever work? Your life has become unmanageable. And your old solutions are failing. Not very glamorous, but powerful. All right, step two. Maybe help exists. Not certainty, not perfect faith, just openness. This is a step where people begin believing maybe I'm not doomed. And that matters more than people realize. You're not doomed. Help may exist. Okay. Step three, in simple language, maybe I stopped trying to control absolutely everything. And honestly, this step annoys a lot of us because many of us love control. I would say that is a common thread through alcoholics control. But this is about surrendering the exhausting belief that we can think, manipulate, or force our way into peace. So step number three in simple language is maybe I stop trying to control absolutely everything. Step four, now this is the time to get honest. That's what this step is about. Time to get honest. This is the inventory step. And yes, this is where people panic and don't. But it's really about patterns, not self-hatred. You look honestly at resentments, fears, behaviors, pain, and coping mechanisms. Not to shame yourself for heaven's sakes, but to understand yourself. Can't get sober if you don't know who's getting sober. Hear what I said? Can't get sober if you don't know the person getting sober. And do you understand yourself? An inventory is going to help you do that. Step five, tell the truth out loud. This is where you share your inventory with another person. And honestly, this step terrifies people. But I'm going to tell you something. It's one of the most freeing steps because shame grows in secrecy. So let me tell you something. When you tell your sponsor, when you share your fourth step with your sponsor, and we talked about sponsors a few episodes back. So go back and listen to my sponsor episode if you're not sure about what a sponsor is. But when you do that and you're worried about the things you're going to tell them, trust me, either they've done it themselves or they've heard it before. Very little is going to shock your sponsor. Steps six and seven, I am willing to change. Not perfect overnight transformation, but willingness is there's a huge difference. We are not expecting you to change immediately. We're just asking, are you willing? Steps eight and nine, how do I clean up the damage? These are the amends steps. And no, this does not mean walking around dramatically apologizing to everyone you ever met in your life. It means being accountable. And we also remind you if that accountability is going to hurt someone, don't do it. If you had an affair and your partner doesn't know this isn't the time to fess it up, kind of thing. If you're gonna hurt somebody, but you're gonna feel better, that's not how this step works. But it means accountability, growth, and repair where possible without causing more harm. Step 10, and again, remember, this is not verbatim. This is I'm giving you a glossary, an overview, just an over a good overview. Step 10, stay aware. This becomes daily maintenance because recovery isn't congrats, you're fixed forever. Wouldn't that be nice? Nope. It's this is ongoing, honestly. And you know, I've been sober for 38 years. I'm not telling you it's hard every day, and oh my God, it's just the way you feel in the beginning. It's not. My desire to drink was lifted very early in my sobriety. Most people, that desire is lifted within the first year, if not the second year. And once that's gone, you're you are so blessed to be in a program where you get to be honest, you get to look at yourself honestly, you get to remember when you're pointing a finger, there's three pointing back at you. But yes, it's it's a lifetime. It's a lifetime decision that you have to do day by day. That's it. And before you know it, those days add up. Step 11 is stay connected, whether through prayer, meditation, reflection, quiet time, spirituality, nature. This is about staying grounded. You don't, and I have talked about that in episodes ahead of this. Go back and look about your spiritual higher power and how to how to fix that if that's a sticking point for you. Go back to that episode and listen. Because I don't ever want a higher power, traumatic spiritual experience you've had to ever keep you from getting sober. So that's what step 11 is about, staying connected. And the 12th is give it away. This is service, helping others, sharing your experience. Why do you think I do this podcast? Do you think it's for me? Well, guess what? It is partly for me, and it's for you. But service is one of the best ways to stay sober because one of the most healing things in recovery is realizing your pain can help someone else survive theirs. Dr. Bob and Bill W. built this program around one alcoholic talking to another. That is the stripped-down, simple version of Alcoholics Anonymous. One alcoholic talking to another. And again, we've talked about this. If you are not using AA to get sober, but you are using other ways, other means, other programs, these 12 steps could help you there as well. And guess

Doing Step Work Over A Lifetime

SPEAKER_00 14:24

what, people? You don't do this all at once. This is important. And you will do them multiple times through your sobriety. Yes, multiple times through your sobriety. You're gonna need to make amends 38 years in, and I still have to make amends. 38 years in, and I still will do a fourth step every once in a while and a fifth step. Are they as dramatic and as tense as they were in the beginning? Absolutely not. But there is some perks to being sober for 38 years. Nobody's saying expect someone to get sober on Tuesday, do all 12 steps by Friday, and emerge as a glowing spiritual butterfly. No. Your steps should happen slowly. They will be imperfect, they will be emotional, and you will do them over time. Some people move more quickly than others, some move slowly. This is your program, nobody else's. And then some revisit steps for years, as I said. That's all normal. As I said, my obsession to drink was really quite early on in my sobriety. I would say in the first six months, my obsession for drinking. I was immersed fully in Alcoholics Anonymous. My social life, everything was built around it. I met my husband, excuse me, who is a normie. I met him in the second year of my sobriety. I think we got married after I was two years sober. Everything around me was sobriety, and and and I believe in that wholeheartedly. I I don't think you can dip your toe in. I think if you really want things to work, just like anything, you have to give it everything. And there's nothing wrong with that. You'll get so much more back in return. My early sobriety, I have such fond memories, such good memories. The people, my program. I still have friends that I got sober with. Hello, 38 years in. Still got the friends. It's amazing. It is absolutely amazing.

More Podcasts and Where To Find Me

SPEAKER_00 17:01

So let me do a quick little pause here because I want to make sure you know where else to find me. If you're loving these conversations, I have two other podcasts you need to check out. Inside Marcy's Mind. This one's all about life hacks, perspective shifts, and the stuff we all deal with, but we don't always talk about. This week's episode is going to be dressing intentionally. So if you want, if you're getting sober and you need to just let your mind wander and still have me around, check out Inside Marcy's Mind. I got a lot of fun stuff on that. But dressing intentionally, if you wonder what that is, check it out. Aging A for Sissies is my podcast all about aging, where we keep it real, sassy, and we talk about what actually aging intentionally and not quietly looks like. You can also find everything, episodes, updates, and more on my website, Marcybacchusmedia.com. And you know if you're listening to this podcast, you can find my other podcast right alongside it. All right, let's get back to it.

Honesty Beats Perfection in Recovery

SPEAKER_00 18:04

What is the biggest misunderstanding about the steps? I think the biggest misunderstanding about the steps is people think they're about becoming perfect. We are so trained to get an A in class, to learn the material, to spit it out correctly. These are not like that. They're about becoming honest. There is a huge difference. Recovery is not, look how amazing I am now. It's I finally stopped running. So seriously, this is not school, people. This is your life. This is your program. Work it your way. All right. Now, here's a fun fact I'm going to drop on you. Why people who work the steps stay sober longer? Boy, I've had a few coughing breaks today. My apologies. All right. Why people who work the steps stay sober longer? Now, obviously, there are many paths to recovery, and I've talked about that. But there is a reason the steps have lasted for decades. Because they address more than drinking. If you're in a program that is only addressing your drinking and not the psychological part, not the thinking, the resentments, the fear, the ego, the shame, or the isolation, then it's going to be hard to stay sober for a long time. I'm just going to tell you. And honestly, a lot of drinking was connected to those things in the first place. We drank because of our stinking thinking. We drank because of our resentments, our fear, our ego, our shame. We were isolated, whatever it may be. That is what our drinking was connected with. The steps will help you understand that and remove that. So here's what we're going to do on Unbottled. We are eventually going through all 12 steps individually. My goal is to never be preachy, and if I ever am, I apologize now. I make an amends. We're not going to do it in a preachy way, not in a here is your recovery homework packet way, but in a let's make this understandable and human way, kind of like I did today by using common language. I did not read the steps as they were read. They are written in the big book. We will do that when we dive into them. I put them in plain language for you. We're going to talk about what each step really means, why people may resist it, how it applies to real life, and what growth actually looks like. Because I think a lot of people are scared of things they've never had explained properly. Just like I talked to you about what your first meeting is going to be like. Again, go back through my carousel of episodes. It's in there. So if you're listening today and thinking this still feels overwhelming, hey, it's okay. You do not have to understand every step today. You don't have to understand any of them today. You don't have to commit forever. I've told you that. You don't have to become spiritually enlightened by bedtime. You have to stay open enough to keep learning. That's all I ask. That's all AA asks. Stay open enough to keep learning. That's it. All right, everybody. I'm so glad you're here. And if this episode helped make the steps feel a little less intimidating than we did our job today, recovery is not about perfection. It's not, it's only, oh not only, but it is about honesty, willingness, and growth. One step at a time, literally. And if you're struggling or wondering if you might have a problem, just know you don't have to figure it out alone.

Links for Help and Goodbye

SPEAKER_00 22:08

There is support, there are people who get it, and there is a way forward. On my website, marcybacchusmedia.com is a link to Alcoholics Anonymous. There's also a link to Al Anon if you have a person in your life that has a drinking problem. I want to thank you for being here and thanks for listening. And I'll see you next time on Unbottled.