How The AA Promises Build Real Freedom In Sobriety

I break down the AA promises in plain English and talk about why they can sound impossible when you are new and hurting. I share how they unfold over time through honesty, support, and real life, not perfection. 

• the AA promises coming from the Big Book after Step Nine 
• why early sobriety makes the promises feel unrealistic 
• freedom from obsession, hiding, and morning panic 
• shame and regret shifting into perspective and growth 
• serenity as calm that does not come from escaping 
• fear of people and money worries easing with honest living 
• learning to pause and respond instead of react 
• why the promises are gradual and not automatic 
• the deeper message that you do not have to stay stuck forever 

You can also find everything, episodes, updates, and more on my website, marcybackhusmedia.com You can write to me there, and I would love to hear from you.

Transcript

Welcome And What We Cover

SPEAKER_01 0:06

Hey friends, welcome back to Unbottled, where we are living life sober, clear-headed, and just a little bit louder than we used to. I don't know if that was possible for me. Anyways, I'm Marcy and I am an alcoholic, and around here we talk about sobriety in a way that is real. It's not perfect, it's not preachy, and it's definitely not one size fits all. Because the truth is, getting sober is one thing. Staying sober, well, that's where the real work, the real growth begins. So if you are new here or if you've been walking this road with me for a while, I thank you for that. I'm really glad that you're here. If you're new and you're jumping into this episode, feel free to listen and go back and start at episode one. You'll get a lot of information all the way through. My episodes are not super long. I try to keep them that way because as an alcoholic, our attention span is not always the best. So it is intentionally kept to probably 20-minute episodes so that you can digest the information and move on to the next one when you're ready.

When Promises Feel Impossible

SPEAKER_01 1:11

But again, friends, today we're going to be talking about something people and Alcoholics Anonymous quote constantly, and those are the promises. If you're newer to recovery, you may have heard people reading these in meetings and thought, okay, what exactly are we promising here? Or maybe you heard them and thought, that sounds lovely, but there's no way that's going to happen for me. And honestly, that's normal too. So today we're going to break down what the AA promises are, where they come from, why they matter, and whether they actually happen in real life. So let's get to it. So one of the strangest things about early sobriety, and again, my name is Marcy. I'm an alcoholic, been sober 38 years. If you're wondering what my credentials are, that's it. That's all I got for you. And the fact that I do podcasts. So at first, you can barely imagine in the beginning of sobriety getting through a weekend sober. Ugh, I can think about my first weekend. I can't remember my childhood, but I remember my sobriety, my early sobriety very well. Going to dinner sober, dealing with stress sober, family get together sober, just existing sober. And then someone in a meeting started reading things like, We will not regret the past. We will know peace. Fear will leave us. And I guarantee you're sitting there thinking, uh, sir, I cried in a grocery store parking lot yesterday. I don't know how I'm gonna have any of those things happen to me. The promises that you hear in AA can sound impossible early on, but over time, a lot of people realize something surprising. They slowly start coming true, and that is a fact. I am here as a testament to tell you that. I've sat in enough meetings to know that it's true for many people.

Big Book Roots And Realism

SPEAKER_01 3:25

So, first things first, the AA promises come from the Alcoholics Anonymous big book. We've talked about the big book. Specifically, they appear after step nine, the amends step. We did a gloss over over steps last week. I'm gonna get deeper into the steps coming up here, but I thought the promises were something I wanted to talk about. So they they show up, they appear after step nine, and they describe emotional and spiritual changes that often happen as people continue in recovery. Now, this part is important. The promises are not guarantees of a perfect life. Oh, trust me, people. Getting sober doesn't guarantee you a perfect life. I've had illness, I've had cancer, I've had my kids go through ups and downs, my marriage has sucked, it's gotten better, it's sucked. I mean, nothing is perfect. But but it it the promises are important. And I repeat, sobriety does not turn you into a glowing zen monk, a millionaire, or someone who suddenly enjoys folding a fitted sheet. It just doesn't happen. Life still happens, but the way you experience that life is going to change immensely from the drunk you to the sober you. That's the point. The promises are about the changes that take place from a person navigating the life through life drunk versus the person navigating through life sober. I think people connect to the promises because addiction steals hope. It really does. When you're struggling, life gets smaller. You stop trusting yourself, you feel ashamed, you feel stuck, and you feel exhausted. Managing drinking is exhausting. Managing people's expectations of you while you're drunk is exhausting. All of it is exhausting. And the promises offer something many people haven't felt in years, which is possibility, people. Think about that. If you are new in your sobriety, I want you to think about how exhausted you were managing your out your drinking and your alcoholism. And that sobriety gives you possibility, not perfection, but possibility.

The Promises In Plain English

SPEAKER_01 6:01

All right, let's break down some of the most powerful ones in plain English. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. That doesn't mean constant happiness 24-7. And honestly, for me, that would be terrifying. It means freedom from obsession, freedom from hiding, and freedom from waking up panicked about what you said or did, or is your car crashed? Is your car got a dent in it? All those things. And waking up, making those promises that you're going to break to yourself. And honestly, people who haven't dealt with addiction don't always understand how huge that freedom feels. Waking up in the morning and not having to make a promise to yourself that you know you're going to break. I'm not going to drink today because that ain't happening. We know that. So let me tell you something. The newfound freedom of waking up in the morning, and you know what you did the night before, and you know what your day's looking like ahead, and you can be honest with yourself is exhilarating. Will we not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it? Now, this one takes some time. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. Again, this one takes time because most people coming into recovery carrying shame. Are you feeling shame? How about some guilt? Got a little embarrassment going there. And how about good old regrets? And at first, you absolutely wish to shut the door on all of that. Bolt it shut, light it on fire, and pretend it never happened. However, healing changes perspective. Eventually, many people realize the past shaped them. It taught them, it humbled them, and sometimes allows them to help others. That doesn't erase pain, but it changes your relationship to it. So you may not like your past, but uh you cannot deny that it shaped you, good and bad.

SPEAKER_00 8:36

It taught you things.

SPEAKER_01 8:42

Another one, we will comprehend the word serenity. Can we just admit something? Most of us had no idea what serenity was before sobriety. We thought chaos was normal, anxiety was normal, emotional whiplash was normal, and then recovery introduces this weird concept called peace. Not perfect peace, but moments of calm that come. Sorry, moments of calm that don't come from escaping. That's huge. So we're not talking about the calm that comes from being passed out. We're talking about life is calm. Serenity is huge. Fear of people and the economic insecurity will leave us. This one is fascinating because addiction creates so much fear. What are some of those fears? Let's talk about it. Fear of being found out. If you're a hiding drunk, that's a big one. Fear of failing, fear of losing people. We may fear it, but it doesn't stop us from drinking. Money problems, consequences, facing reality sober. Recovery slowly builds confidence. Not fake confidence, but real confidence. The kind that comes from finally handling your life honestly. Not a lie, not hiding, not all those things. I promise that will come true for you.

Learning To Respond Not React

SPEAKER_01 10:28

We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. Have you heard that in a meeting? Intuitively know? Sounds like a big one to me, but it might be one of my favorites because active addiction creates chaos, which we know. That makes everything feel dramatic, reactive, impulsive, overwhelming. And over time, recovery helps people pause before reacting. Which honestly feels like a superpower. It does.

SPEAKER_00 11:07

Can you imagine not reacting to every little thing inappropriately, poorly, badly? Taking a beat? Reacting honestly? That's a superpower, people.

SPEAKER_01 11:25

And this is why all those promises that we just talked about can feel annoying early on. Let's be honest. Sometimes early sobriety people hear the promises and think, cool story, I still feel like shit. And that's understandable because early sobriety is still emotional, exhausting, uncomfortable, awkward, and messy, different than drinking, but similar feelings. The promises usually unfold slowly.

Why Change Takes Time

SPEAKER_01 12:03

That's why they're read at meetings, a lot of meetings, because we need to hear them over and over again. And by hearing them, we see them come to light in our lives. The promises start, they're not overnight. This isn't congratulations, you attended three meetings, it unlocks serenity. It's gradual transformation. I want you to understand this that what I have at 38 years didn't happen overnight. It also didn't take 38 years. I had a good grasp on my sobriety in the first two years. The promises started coming true, obsession was lifted.

SPEAKER_00 12:56

I continued to change. The promises are important. I would you know. I think my thinking changed within the first three months. I handled a lot of things differently, sober.

Sobriety As A Way Out

SPEAKER_01 13:28

Relationships. I handled differently sober. I came into AA with a in a really dysfunctional, obviously, a another alcoholic. I came in in a really broken relationship. And thanks to AA, I was able to get out of that relationship. And and just so you know, that person shot themselves in the head. And it could have been me that was shot in the head, if I think about that relationship honestly. Sobriety gave me my way out, it gave me a clear head to get out of that relationship in a healthy way for me. Obviously, not for them, but for me.

SPEAKER_00 14:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 14:17

Thanks for listening to my little story

More Shows And How To Reach Me

SPEAKER_01 14:19

there. I want to take a quick pause because I want to make sure you know where else to find me. If you're loving these conversations, I have two other podcasts you need to check out. Inside Marcy's Mind. It's full of life hacks, perspective shifts, and the stuff that we deal with and we don't always talk about. We have a lot of fun on that one. That one is just freewheel and podcast, and I enjoy that. I have another podcast called Aging Aim for Sissies, because it's not aging is hard. This is where we keep it real, a little sassy, and we talk about what it actually looks like to age intentionally. If you're over 40, that's a podcast for you. If you're under, maybe, maybe not. You can also find everything, episodes, updates, and more on my website, Marcy Bacchus. That's B-A-C-K-H-U-Smedia.com. You can write to me there, and I would love to hear from you. If you are having issues, if you're struggling, if you need anything, please reach out. I do my best to get back to you quickly. If you have questions about sobriety, if you want to come on and share your story, if you have a sobriety story that you think is worth sharing, I would love to have you on as a guest. All right, back to it.

The Real Promise Is Hope

SPEAKER_01 15:36

All right, this is really important. The promises are not magic, they're not instant, they're not automatic. They happen through honesty, they happen through growth, support, accountability, consistency, and time. And honestly, some days you'll feel them really strong, and some days you will see them slipping away.

SPEAKER_00 15:59

That's recovery, too. At the their core, the promises are saying something.

SPEAKER_01 16:07

They're saying your life can change, not just your drinking. I want you to be very clear on that. Drinking is what changes, yes, we stop, but your life is gonna change. It's and we, if you go back to some of my earlier podcasts in this in this series, some people aren't gonna like the change. And I talk about that. So if that's a problem for you, go back and grab those episodes. Because some of the change people aren't gonna be able to handle.

SPEAKER_00 16:37

Some of the change is gonna be hard for you to handle.

SPEAKER_01 16:45

But your thinking, relationships, reactions, peace, confidence, and purpose are all gonna change. And that's why people get emotional hearing the promises in the meetings because they remember when they thought change was impossible. I honestly think the biggest promise isn't even written directly. For me, it's this you do not have to stay stuck forever. Wow, right? For me, that's a wow. I don't know about you. You do not have to stay stuck forever. That's the hope recovery gives people. And hope changes everything. Hope changes everything. If you're listening and thinking, well, I'm not there yet, you know what? That's okay. That's why I'm here. Because you may not be ready for what I'm talking about. But I'm gonna always be here every week. I'm gonna give you something new to think about every week. Whether you're attending meetings online, in person, or you're not attending at all, or you're doing some other program, I'm gonna be here to talk about sobriety. So if you need to hear it, check in every Friday. Nobody arrives in recovery full-headed and emotionally balanced. The promises are not a race, they are experiences people grow into over time and will continue to. One day you suddenly realize, wow, I handled that differently. Guess what? That's recovery happening to you. When you say, wow, I handled that differently, or I feel different about such and such. That's recovery happening to you.

Recovery Is Freedom

SPEAKER_01 18:33

Okay, my friends, if this episode gave you even a little hope today that it's worth having these conversations. Recovery is not about becoming perfect, it's about becoming free. And oh my gosh, you guys, I want you to feel that freedom. That freedom shows up quietly, slowly, in ways you've never expected. And if you're struggling or wondering if you might have a problem, just know you don't have to figure it out alone. There is support. There are people who get it, and there is a way forward. Thanks for being here. Thanks for listening. And guess what? I'm gonna see you next time on Imbottle.