Finding Hope In Step Two Without Religion

Step Two stops being a scary sentence when we treat it like a doorway to hope instead of a test of religion. I break down what “higher power” and “restore us to sanity” really mean, and why willingness is enough to start. 
• why Step Two makes people freeze and how “came to believe” gives you time 
• how a higher power can be God, the group, nature, honesty, or community 
• what “sanity” means in sobriety as irrational thinking around alcohol 
• why alcoholism pushes isolation and how recovery pushes connection 
• the difference between belief and willingness and why willingness wins 
• what restoration can look like in real life, one honest choice at a time 
Every morning, say one simple sentence: Help me stay sober today. At night, say: Thank you for keeping me sober today.

Transcript

Step One Recap And Surrender

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Hello and welcome to Unbottle of War Sobriety is Uncored, Unfiltered, and Uapologetically Real. My name is Marcy. I am an alcoholic. And this week we are continuing our summer series on the 12 steps. One step at a time, nice and slow, because honestly, some of us need things explained without someone acting like we've already lived in a monastery and journal by candlelight. And that is so true. I'm taking this slow because I think it's important. And last week we talked about step one, which is we admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable. And if you didn't listen to that episode, go back and listen to it because it's a big sentence. We unpacked it all, we talked about it. And again, it is a charming little sentence that basically walks into your life, flips on all the lights, opens every junk drawer, and says, okay, we need to talk. Step one is the moment we stop pretending. We stop managing the drink. We stop bargaining with it. We stop saying, I'll only drink on weekends, I'll only drink wine, or I'll only drink if mercury is in retrograde or some other dang thing that we set up for ourselves. We jump through so many hoops. Step one is surrender, not defeat. I want to repeat that. It is a surrender. So now that we've surrendered, we're going to move on to step two. Step two can be scary for a lot of people. We're going to break it down.

Why Step Two Scares People

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Don't run. Don't turn off your podcast. Don't move on to something else. I came, it doesn't say I. I added that in my head. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Now let's take a breath. This is a big one. So because for a lot of people, step two is where the brakes come on. Step one, fine. My drinking's a problem. I'm a problem. We may not love admitting it, but deep down we know. But step two, a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity. Am I really insane? So it begs a lot of questions. And we think, oh good, now we've got God, sanity and a belief all in one sentence. No pressure. So step two can be tricky because people hear it and immediately think, oh no, are we doing religion now? And I did a podcast on a higher power on this unbottled. Go back and find it, listen to that, and then listen to this. So if you've skipped ahead and you might want to go back. So we're honestly thinking, oh no, now we're doing religion. For some people, that's not a big deal. For some people, it's a really big deal. So let me say this clearly. Step two does not require you to suddenly become religious. It does not at all. It does not require you to understand God. It does not require you to have a perfect faith. It does not require you to walk into AA with a halo, a hymnal, and a sensible cardigan. No, no, no. Step two starts with three little words. Came to believe. It doesn't say already believed. Does not say fully understood. Doesn't say had a perfect spiritual awakening by Tuesday. No, it doesn't. So relax. Relax. It says came to believe. That means it can happen slowly. It means you can be unsure. It means you can be doggone skeptical. People, don't let this step stop you. If you are an alcoholic as I am, have been my whole life, have been sober for 38 years. Don't let your brain is going to find any reason to not do this program. And the first place it starts is I don't need a God. I don't want a God. God isn't real. God didn't help me get, you know, all that. I hear it. I hear you. I've heard it. I've said it. I've thought it. So came to believe means you can be skeptical. It means you can sit in a meeting thinking, I don't know what these people are talking about, but they seem less chaotic than I am. So maybe I'll keep listening. That counts. That is the beginning.

Defining A Higher Power Your Way

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Let's talk about the phrase a power greater than ourselves. Okay. A power greater than ourselves. For some people, that is God. For me, it was. I never had a bad God. I never had a punishing God. I never thought that God abandoned me. I pretty much thought I abandoned God. I've always had a good and healthy relationship with God. And I'm lucky. But if you don't, keep listening. Because for some people, it's the AA group that becomes a power greater than ourselves. For some people, it is the wisdom in the rooms. For some people, it is nature, love, truth, honesty, community, or the universe. I'm not telling you it has to be God. Just find something that has more power than you. For some people, it starts as simple than this, as this. Okay. That's all you gotta think. You don't need to know who is. You just need to realize you're not it. And frankly, for me, thank God for that. I don't want to be the highest authority in any room ever. Because when I was drinking, my own thinking was not exactly a five-star establishment. My brain would say things like, You've had a hard day, you deserve a drink. You can control it this time. This is my genius thinking here. No one will know. Oh my God. You're not that bad. You can start over on Monday. And then Monday would come around looking like a crime scene. I'm telling you. I remember waking up thinking I'm not going to drink today, and by who knows what o'clock I was already drinking. So when step two talks about a power greater than ourselves, maybe it simply means something outside of my own addicted thinking. Something wiser than my impulses. Something stronger than my excuses. Something steadier than my mood. Something that doesn't change its mind every time I'm hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Or near a bottle of Pinot Grigio or a box of Pinot Grigio. I was a box girl. You've heard halt, right? Hungry, angry, lonely, tired. When you're any of those things, you should halt. Because you will not do your best thinking. You will not make your best decisions, sober or unsober. If I'm sober and I'm hung, and I am, been for 38 years, if I'm ever hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, it's not my best mind. So the next part of it is restore us to sanity. Hmm.

What “Restore Us To Sanity” Means

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Let's talk about that word sanity because it can feel harsh. Like, am I really insane? Well, you may not be insane, but your behaviors when you're drinking. The thing I thought was, excuse me, I pay bills, I use coupons, I know how to work a dishwasher. I'm sane. I know my name. I know how to get home. But in recovery, sanity doesn't mean you were crazy. It means your relationship with alcohol became irrational. Did you know that? I want you to think about that. Sanity in sobriety means that your relationship with alcohol had become irrational. It means you kept doing something that hurt you and still believed you could manage it. Think about that. Let's say that sentence again. You kept doing something that hurt you and still believed you could manage it. That's insanity. Saying never again at 8 a.m. and drinking again at 5 p.m. What did I just tell you? I did that. I was insane. Promising yourself one glass and having five. Who's sane there? Knowing alcohol makes your anxiety worse than drinking anyway. Knowing it's damaging your relationships, you're losing your wife, your husband, your children, your home, your job. And you keep doing it. And you still protect it like it's your best friend. You try to hide it. You do it. If you don't think that's insane, hmm. That is insanity. Step two is talking about. And step two offers hope. Maybe I can be restored. Think about that. Maybe I can think clearly again. And I'm telling you, you can. Maybe I can trust myself again. Maybe I can live without alcohol running the meeting. You can. I've done it for 38 years. I've given birth. I've had cancer. I've found out I have a rare genetic disorder that should have killed me by 50. And here I am at 65, still kicking. I've had a lot of crap happen. I've had a lot of good. I've had a lot of bad. But I don't have to drink. So step two is the hope step. It is the hope step. Step one says, I can't do this my way anymore. And step two is saying, maybe there is another way. Nutcase. That's why step two is such a beautiful step. It really is. It's the step where I where a tiny little crack of light comes in. You don't have to believe in a God. You are insane. I want you to look and read that step again. You don't have to have everything figured out. You don't have to believe perfectly. You don't have to know what your higher power is. You just have to be willing, willing to consider that your best thinking got you here and maybe help exists outside of that thinking. And honestly, that is huge. Because alcoholism loves isolation. It tells us don't tell anyone. You're different. No one will understand. You can fix this alone. Oh my God, alcoholism is so sneaky and trick-filled. It is the trickery of trickery. But recovery says you don't have to do this alone. And that may be the very first miracle. What if you don't believe? Now let's be real. Some people hear power greater than ourselves and think, nope, not for me. Don't go. Maybe you grew up with religion that hurt you. Maybe you don't believe in God. Maybe you believe in something, but you don't know what. Maybe you're angry at God. Maybe you are spiritually exhausted. That's all okay. Guess what? Stay. You are not disqualified. You are not kicked out of the recovery because your faith is messy. Step two is not asking you to fake belief. It is asking you to become open. That's it. Open. You can start with I believe this group is stronger than my addiction. I believe these sober people know something that I don't. I believe honesty is stronger than denial. Just that will keep you in the club. I believe asking for help is better than hiding. I believe I don't want to live the old way anymore. That should be easy for you to do. I believe I don't want to live the old way anymore. If you did, you wouldn't be here. Step two beginning to work. One of the most practical things I ever heard is if you don't know what your higher power is, let the group be it for now. Because a group of sober people is definitely a power greater than one alcoholic brain trying to negotiate with itself. And listen, my alcoholic brain could negotiate anything. It could turn a glass of wine into a wellness plan. It's grapes, it's antioxidants, it's practically fruit. No, ma'am, that is not fruit. That is a relapse in a stemmed glass. The group helps interrupt that thinking. You hear other people tell the truth. You hear your own story coming out of someone else's mouth, and you hear people who are once just as lost as you who are now living free. And slowly you think, maybe this can work for me too. That is step two. What do you think the difference between belief and willingness is?

Willingness Over Perfect Belief

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Here's the good news. You don't have to have a belief completely. You just have to be willing. Willingness is the doorway, not certainty, not perfection, not spiritual confidence, just willingness. A willingness might sound like I'll go to another meeting. I'll call someone before I'll call someone before I drink. I'll try praying, even if it's ridiculous. I'll sit quietly for two minutes. Oh, this is a good one. I'll ask for help. I'll stop pretending I know everything. That last one's painful. It's still painful occasionally because some of us are very attached to being right. We would rather be right than peaceful. We would rather be in control than free. Step two gently tells us and asks us a few questions, I should say. Step two asks us a few questions. How's that working for you? And honestly, that's rude but fair. What restoration looks like. Hmm. So it says you'll be restored to sanity. What does that actually look like? It may look like with waking up without panic. And if you tell me you never woke up with panic, wow, I did. I'd have to go out and look at my car, make sure it didn't have any dents in it. Or God forbid blood. That's sick. I may look like remembering, it may look like, excuse me, remembering what you said the night before. It may look like not checking your phone with one eye open, terrified of what text you sent or what text you've received. What it may look like is sleeping better, telling the truth, having feelings, and not immediately trying to drown them. It may look like choosing peace over chaos. It may look like saying, I need help, I don't know, I'm struggling, I'm grateful, I'm sober today. That is sanity returning. It doesn't return all at once. It doesn't come back with fireworks. Usually it slips in quietly through the back door. One honest choice at a time. Step two is not just a sentence in a book. It's something we practice. When I want to isolate, step two says, reach out. When I think I know better than everyone else, step two says, loosen your grip, Marcy. When I feel hopeless, step two says, maybe there is help you haven't seen yet. When I feel ashamed, step two says, you're not beyond restoration. That word matters. Restore, not replace, not punish, not shame, but restore. There is something in you worth saving. I promise you that. There is something in you worth healing. I guarantee that. There is something in you that alcohol tried to bury but did not destroy. You can come back to yourself. If you are new and step two feels like too much, hear me. If you are new, if you are new and this feels like too much, hear me out. Might hear a little thunder in the background. Got some active weather here in Chicago today. You don't have to solve spirituality today. You do not have to define your higher power today. You do not have to understand the whole program today. Today, maybe your step two is simply, I believe I need help. That's enough for today. I believe these people seem better than they used to be. And maybe I can get better too. That's enough. Or even, I don't believe yet, but I'm willing to believe. That's enough. Recovery is not built on dramatic declarations. It's built on small, sometimes extremely small but honest steps. And let's be honest, some of us came into recovery thinking we were more powerful. We were the CEO of fixing everyone else. We had opinion, solutions, spreadsheets, emotional support snacks, and a backup plan for the backup plan. We had all that. We were all that in a bag of snacks, but we couldn't stop drinking. Apparently not. And that is humbling. It is like realizing you can organize an entire family vacation, remember everybody's medication, find the cheapest flight, pack snacks, and still be taken down by a bottle of Chardonnay. Step two says maybe stop trying to be the entire universe. Maybe resign from being God. The pay is terrible anyway. Here are a few

Daily Practice And Reflection Questions

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questions that I'd like you to sit with this week. What does a power greater than myself mean to me right now? Write down the answers. Where has my own thinking gotten me into trouble? Am I willing to believe that help exists? Have I seen recovery work in other people? What would sanity look like in my life? Where am I still trying to control everything? You do not have to answer these perfectly. Just sit with them. And I really do suggest writing down the answers because I think in a few months, when you look back, it'll be interesting. A bit of your history. This week, try this. Every morning, say one simple sentence. Help me stay sober today. That's it. You do not have to know who you're saying it to. You don't even have to make it fancy. Just help me stay sober today. You do not have to light a candle unless you want to. And even then, please don't make it weird. Just say, help me stay sober today. And at night, I want you to say thank you for keeping me sober today. That tiny practice can begin to shift something because step two is about opening the door, not kicking it down. Step two is hope, everyone. It is the moment we realize maybe I am not beyond help. Maybe I am not broken forever. Maybe I don't have to rely on the same thinking that kept me trapped. Maybe there's a way out. And maybe I don't have to walk it alone. Next week we will move into step three, which is where things get even more interesting. If you've jumped in on the series in this episode, go back and listen to my others. Pick and choose what you need. Last week we started the summer series of the steps. We're on step two. Last week we did step one. Obviously, if you're following along, step three will follow this. Next week we will

Step Three Preview And Closing

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make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him. Oh dear. Sounds like some more religion. We'll pack we'll unpack it so you're comfortable with it. I'm never going to make you feel uncomfortable. My goal is to always make you comfortable. Thank you for being here with me on Unbottled. I want to remind you, I have two other podcasts. I have Inside Marcy's Mind and I have Aging Eight vs Ease. Listen to either one of them. Pick and choose episodes of what you like and what you don't, don't listen to. And as always, in this episode, please take what works for you and leave the rest. I am Marcy. I am an alcoholic. I want you to stay honest. I want you to stay open. I want you to stay sober. And remember, you don't have to believe perfectly. You just have to be willing. That's enough for today.