Pay Attention or Pay with Pain

Where your attention goes, your energy follows.

Why do we keep getting the same results while wanting something different? In this walk, I explore attention as the hidden force behind memory, relationships, healing, achievement, and personal change. Through stories from practice and my own life, I examine how distraction, old conditioning, and unconscious habits pull us away from what matters most—and how simply learning to attend differently can transform our experience.

Walk with me.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello. Welcome to Embodied Wisdom. I'll welcome a talk with Dr. Brook. Already seemed to this morning. So if I got interrupted already. So I don't know. My the topic that's coming to mind for me today is about it's a bit of a mixed thing, but I think I'm gonna start first by talking about attention. Like where are we putting our attention? So a lot of times when people get older, they get really worried and they get really upset because they think their memory, and perhaps it is. I mean, or maybe for all of us, I guess I get like that too. It's like, you know, your memory is not what it used to be. But memory has a lot to do. Remembering something, remembering, re-putting something together, um, is really you know, you can't remember something if it doesn't go in. This is like a piece about attention, right? So if you don't attend to something, you don't pay attention, um then it's you're not it the information that you need or that you want is not gonna go in. And yesterday I was talking to one of these patients, he has some problems with uh with his memory and and with being distracted. In fact, he's kind of all you know, always been distracted. So if you think about also things like that we're calling attention deficit, right? It's it's that we have difficulty paying attention, you know. And the more distractions we have, the less it's hard for us to pay attention. So he always had this type of you know, distractability. Um and and yesterday during the session, I was I was pretty acutely aware that we were talking because what happened is his wife brought up the fact that she wanted him to address with me, which is funny. That I only say it's funny because he's like, go, she's like, go talk to Dr. Sorger about this, you know, like why do you do this? And I'm like thinking, like, do you want to know why you do this, or is it just her? Um, like, how do I get her to be happy? You know, that type of thing. So so anyway, he but he he uh she says like he does you know, you don't listen. But and he does it, and I'm actually like realizing during the session, I'm like, I don't think he's listening to me. And I don't mean he's not respectful and attentive in the session. I mean, is he really taking in what I'm saying? Digesting what I'm saying. How far is it really going? You know, where how is it being digested? And I realize that maybe he's not taking in what I'm saying. Like maybe that's why he can't make some of the changes his wife is asking him to do because the root cause of this distractability is connected to so many things, it's connected to constitution, it's connected to history, it's connected to emotional process. I mean, it's interwoven into anything. So let's just say, like, if I use that as the example, and and someone's like, well, I'm not, you know, I'm not getting better. And I'm like, well, are you doing the things I suggest? Well, well, did you really suggest I do anything? Oh, I was like, well, I suggested you attend to this, but if we don't actively make efforts to attend to it, and maybe you just sit with your therapist and attend to it, like things we don't want to attend to, like, for example, why can't this guy listen? You know, it's uh like it's hard to know, right? And what I mean is it could trigger something in him a thought about a negative thought about himself, like uh a negative feeling, a negative memory. Big thing I sometimes reference feeling flashbacks. So, in other words, someone says something to you, it makes you feel something in your body, then you start talking to yourself about it and giving it wisdom. That's it. The per you have missed half the conversation, and I'm sure that happens too if you're listening to things, if you're listening to podcasts, if you're listening, and like you missed like half the conversation. It happens in my right, when I'm like, oh, look at that doggy, and then I have like forgot what we I was talking about. You know, our minds have ways of doing these things, or of operating in this way. So I'm you know, I'm giving this example. I mean, it maybe it's a little obtuse, but I could say that that that's very simple, very simple in terms of if you say you want to change something in your life, but then you don't attend to it. Because you're attending to your phone and you're attending to your kids and you're attending to your spouse and you're attending to the man, the man in the moon, what someone told you you should be doing, but you're distracted then. You're not attending to that space, to that space inside, to that activity, to that challenge. You're not now, and this is the irony of this. We're all about accomplishment, right? Our c our, especially this area of our country, it's a lot about striving, a lot about material gain, a lot about I didn't get this yet. I put that time in and I didn't get this yet. But I'm not really I'm talking about people like are like I'm so tired. And I am like guilty of all this, so I'm saying it outright, me too. Okay, so why aren't you attending to resting then? You're so tired. Well, I gotta do this and I gotta do that. I'm like, well, you can't do any of those things if you don't rest. So I'm even talking about if you want a relationship. Like, well, they say to me, oh, that's not just gonna happen. Um why not? Are you attending to your needs? Are you attending to what you need in a relationship? Have you defined those needs? Are you then when you're going on that dating app, attending to those things you want? Or are you distracted because of how someone looks? And I'm not saying that's not a thing, but I'm saying people are like, well, I want this quality in a person. Okay, but you just described the the qualities of this person, and they and and you have they're none of those qualities. That person has none of those qualities that you said. I'm okay, I want to get to know fine, but already they have qualities that are showing you that they're not who they're not what it is you're looking for. What if I'm wrong about what I'm seeing you see what I'm saying? Look at the distractions, and I'll have sat with people a long time and I'll be like, well, you know, this has stood out our whole all our work together. This has stood out as a focus point for you, which means I would say pretty much it is what you want, right? Because you keep coming back to it. So I'm not saying I mean I believe in the laws of attraction. Um I'm saying like you put your intention in a certain place and you're more likely to get a result, but I'm also you know interested in like what happens on this plane, not the energetic field, you know. So like the laws of attraction, if I was to summarize my my understanding of it, is sort of like you put you know your energetic attention on something that you want, you concentrate on it every day, um, and you bring it into this this reality. I have a story about that. That's a good one, so I'm gonna tell it. But I just want to make this uh this I don't know, I want to juxtapose this for a second first. So there's that like that's the law of attraction. I'll tell a story about that because I think it's interesting because it is about attention um and energy. But I'm just talking about like self-fulfilling prophecy. Like, if you think this isn't gonna happen, your attention is on it not happening. So you're not going to attend to the things that will make it happen. Okay, so it's it's sort of that simple, but the problem is if you're distracted from the thing you want because of past issues, because of all these complications in our neurology, because of feeling flashbacks, because of I don't know, complicated lives, just complicated lives in general, then um, then you know, then you're not focused. It's where you put your attention. Where you put your attention is where the energy is gonna flow from. It's what it is. So I'm gonna tell you the story about this watch. It's in third grade, and there's gonna be a raffle, and I wanted this watch. I remember it was like red Seiko. I think it was a remember those little watches that had if anyone that is remembers this, and then a little face with the digital this I feel like these are like maybe the first digital watches. Now I think he've had an Apple watch, it's so so crazy. It's so crazy, and it just had like the three little numbers across it, nothing else. I think there might have been an alarm on it, but I remember what it looked like. This is so interesting. I don't remember so many things, but it's like a it was burgundy, it had a little leather thin, had a little leather strap, and for some reason I just wanted this. I wanted to win it. Okay, but let me explain to you. There was like 700 kids in my elementary school, probably closer to a thousand. So, you understand. This is that like you know, this is someone's gonna put all the names in, they're gonna pick the mat. Actually, it was kind of like that. It was like a bingo thing, you know, the bingo thing, roller around, like this is what that was, and I every single day, and listen, there was no training about this, no one told me to do this. I didn't learn this anywhere, and but every single day, and people who know me know I am this way. Somehow it's like my determination will kick in, and I'm just every single day like I'm gonna win that watch, I'm gonna win that watch, I am gonna win that watch, and I imagine my name being called, I imagine my name being picked out, and I run it over and over and over again for weeks. I imagine hearing my name called, I imagine what how I'm gonna react. And the day comes for the raffle, and I sit, I wait for my name to be called, and it is. And I have this moment, I'm like nine, where my whole body is in response. Like, how did I know I could do that? Wait, I don't understand how I got that. Like, that's crazy. Like, this worked, you know, and I went home. It is the 80s, just by the way, the 80s. We've got to contextualize our time and space, and context is very important for attention too, but um, I don't need to get into that right this second, but so and I what I what I'm saying is this this is what parents said in the 80s when you brought things like this to them. Oh, honey, and like not listening, nope. That's I don't know, great, and I'm thinking, I just created a miracle because you guys are so worried about so many things. Money and family and money. That's a big thing in my head. So why can't you guys just do this and then you'll have money? What this is how you do it. I'm like, I have discovered the key to the kingdom. Can everybody plug in? Oh, this is really awesome right here. I'm taking a pick. It is a beautiful day. So it's a yeah, it's a beautiful day. So I think I'm like mighty, you know, like I, and this is a response I get. Because that's the response of the time. Now maybe there'd be a different response, different time. We're all into this new age stuff now, we're all into uh the mysteries of the universe, more popular. Before, if you were Shirley McLean, you were pretty much a wack-adoo, you know, that type of thing. But like now, no, people have a lot more respect for mystics now. It's it's an easier time to be a mystic. It's an easier time to be into these occult studies. People are realizing the beauty in their ways and the intelligence behind it, and it's not just woo-woo. And I hope that that's something. Wow, there's like some major bird activity happening in the distance. So distracted, see, see, now that's why you lose your attention because you're so and then by the way, what I can do is I could be like, oh, that bird, like this is what'll happen with our attention, right? I'll be like, that bird screaming means this. This is the beautiful thing about being a mystic. You think everything has meaning, it does, but you can also make up the meanings, and sometimes you're just wrong because your mind made them. Well, anyway, there's how we get distracted. My mind says this. I'm listening. What if that's a bad sign? Or it can be a good sign. Plenty of people tell me they misread the good signs too, and they miss sometimes, they'll misread the good signs as the bad signs, and this the bad signs is the good signs. So it's like, be attentive to what you're seeing, and be attentive to your mind. Pay attention. Oh, there's a saying one of my teachers say all the time, pay attention or your pay with pain. Pay attention or your pay with pain. This is exactly that lesson. Well, anyway, go back and I'm going back to my Midas touch story. Um, and and I didn't understand. Like we're kidding, I was a kid. So, yes, it is that simple on a level. But wow, things get in the way. I don't know. It's complicated because it is that simple, but it also is also not because we have ideas, things block the energy, it's not maybe not proper timing. Um, you know, I don't know. Like we find it, we have ambivalence within ourselves. This is a lot of what happens in relationships. So we take our eye off the ball, so you know, and then the ball hits us in the face. I mean, it's this kind of thing. So what'll happen is people will be like, I don't understand um why I got sick because I've been exercising and I have been doing everything the doctor said. So why did I get sick? I go, but doesn't your don't you have a family history of this? Yes, I do. I do. I have a family history of this. I said, okay, so that's probably why. I mean, like, you know, we get sick, but see how there's no attention to that. See how many different ways we can look at this. There's no attention to that. So it's like, oh, it's my fault. And it's like, no, it's not. Because we like to be in control. So if we think that if we do these two things, we're gonna overrun that because you're being good, and you then don't pay attention to that, you're gonna kind of miss you, you're gonna miss the fuller picture. Okay. So we see that these things are possible, we understand them. Did was it also that I, you know, that sometimes there are just times and places in our life where I could argue the universe or reality may be easier to influence in these ways than other times, right? That's why also because children have tend to be clearer, they don't when I when I mean like getting all conflicted, it's like we we have all these ways and all these understandings of worth and who we are and what we need, and you know, we'll be like, Oh, I want to attract that, but then like we'll get so distracted by all the other ideas we have about whatever that is, right? And then the energy's not pure. So, like, that's why the best thing is to do is the idea of following your heart, in my opinion. So it's like, do you put your attention? Where do you put your attention? Are you is your attention on your thoughts, is your attention on your heart, and is your attention on what is actually going on outside of you? Because, you know, another another example I have of meeting with um, you know, another person is that what I'm seeing is that one side of the a couple in particular is very depressed and downtrodden about a recent um betrayal of the other part of the partner. And because she's really hasn't been talking about it, them coasting along, you know, coasting along, and and they haven't been, you know, and and he hasn't been attending to like, you know, things are not okay between them. I'm going, I don't think this is okay. That's what I'm watching. But she's not talking with that, she hints every so often, but she's not really speaking to that, but it's all over her face, but he's not attending to her face, he's not looking, and that is not because he doesn't love her or care about her, but he's not looking there, so he's then shocked that she she's still in a different place in the relations than he is, but if he was attending to how she looked, to what she said, this goes back to the earlier example, what she was saying, and we have this tendency. I don't, I don't know. I mean, I have this tendency, I should say, but I see it a lot in practice. That we're not using the way we feel about whatever is going on right in front of us to make our decisions. That's the comments I was making about context. We're not using that, we're using some idea we have in our head from a completely another time and place. It's like, oh, well, someone told me that in 1985. Like, how irrelevant can that possibly be? Or I or I hear, I hear this, this is between the parents and the older teenagers. How is what happened to you relevant to what happened to me? Right? Because it's really not, it's not, except that as parents. Or as people, or I don't know. It's like we get these things in our head. We don't go, let me look at this is June of 2026. These are the circumstances in June of 2026. This is who my kid is. Like we attend to who they are in the context that they're in. And we should look at the context we're in right now. How do I feel about that right now? So this is like that. If I don't focus on resting, I'm not gonna rest. Even if my body tells me I'm tired, because I'm not focused on my body. This is where people be like, I'm gonna do that diet. So they're focused on what they're gonna eat, but they're not being like, does that make my body feel better? Because if you start to pay attention to that, you might do more of what you, I don't know, is in line with you or what you want to do, because you're paying attention to the results you're actually getting from it, opposed to, oh, I'm not, I'm not getting, I'm looking at the scale every day and I'm not seeing a result, but wow, I feel so much better. Right? And then if you like, oh, I feel so much better, oh, okay, this is a major benefit. Okay, what do I now need to do next if the scale's not changing? But I'm on the right path because I'm feeling into how I feel. I'm feeling into how you see, like, but the focus is there, and we're kind of not, we are not taught to taught to focus, or life happens to us and we get distracted. Um and you know, that's it. Um funny. Exactly the point I'm trying to make. So if if you focus and attend to what someone is saying, to what they want, to their face, to their body language. And I feel like these days people are like, well, that's a lot of work. It's so so weird. Well, we didn't have anything else we were looking at. Right? We like oh like long ago and far away. But it's we didn't have anything we were looking at, so we could attend to these things maybe more easily, or we could be more practiced at attending to these things. Uh but I I I still think there's this underlying premise of like paying attention to more like what we think should be versus what is. Because I I again I don't know anyone who has a life that they should have. Hi um I just see that people have the lives that they actually have. They don't, you know, there's no way any mother is supposed to be. There's no way anyone's life is supposed to be. You know, maybe we want for peace, but that really doesn't mean we always have it. Because there are things that we have shied away from that we have been inattentive to. Because the other thing that I think I wanted to say is that sometimes we don't attend to things because we have blind spots, because our trauma, our the interruptions in our life, our pain, has like gotten in our way. Right? It is distracted our minds, our brains neurochemically. Um, the unconscious mind has a job to have us forget the things that are too painful so we could survive them. And this all has but you know, biochemical implications. It has implications on where we put our attention and where we don't, which is sometimes why we we get blindsided. So I think the take home for today is attend, attend to the things and practice attending, right? Because sometimes I'll say to people, like their head is all turned in one direction, and I got I'm like, I'm like, I'm trying to manually move their head to look in a different direction. So if you're always focused on everything you're not accomplishing, or attending to the things you're not accomplishing, and you're not attending to the things you are accomplishing, you're gonna feel really bad about yourself for no reason because you're not looking in that direction. Or if you grow up in a space, and I'm using the rest example, because it's very prominent for me right now, where there was a lot of resting and not a lot of sleeping and not a lot of doing. Well, I don't want to rest, it's too painful for me. I don't want to feel those feelings of that emptiness. So I learned how to focus. And at the time, what I had to focus on was what I had to focus on. My school work again, no phones, no computers, no. I focused on little house in the prairie. I was focused where I was focused. I had to attend what I had to attend, and I didn't have what I didn't have. Right? So now so I kind of learned don't don't go there. That's painful over there. But I don't, I wasn't like, oh, like I'm not resting. I'm not resting. Instead, I just kept talking about how exhausted I am. So so finally I'm like, well, okay, well, it wasn't me. Someone put me put me, showed my attention, like maybe that's this is what's good. But what was underneath there is very interesting. There's a freedom in attending to what we don't attend to. Fellow traveler just heard the hunk. Um so again, distracted. So if you so if they then attend to something I have not attended to, and what has not been attended to is difficult to break through to, but once you find it, it feels freeing because you now can, I don't know, unpack it, right? You it's like kind of like if you don't look at that thing in the corner, you don't even realize it's there, you keep brushing by it, and then one day you're like, oh my god, what's in there? And you unpack it, like, oh. And we always think these things are gonna be bad, but they're just avoided, they're not, they don't turn out to be bad because we uh the reason why we're avoiding them is something that happened a long time ago, at least in our context, as this adults listening to. So if you want something to change in your life, pay attention to either what it is you want that you don't have, or start to attend to what you're actually attending to. Start looking, and then you'll sort of see why you end up with the results you have or the algorithms on your phone, or right, because otherwise you'll pay in pain because your pain will then become the attention. So, one final comment before finish. This is what happens when people get sick. I find all of a sudden people get sick, they have a chutzpah to say to people, you know, I can't handle I find this is especially true with women. And all of a sudden they're telling everybody to F off because they don't feel good, they don't have any energy, and they're finally saying the thing. It's like this is also like a popular idea and a menopausal idea, but like they're finally saying the things they always want to say, it's not new, but they're finally saying it. Same thing, maybe when you get sick. And I mean, like, you know, not a cold, but you know, like really something you have like a medical event. So, because all of a sudden now you're you're it has shifted your attention. So, yeah, sometimes you have to get sick for that to happen, but I'm sort of saying voluntarily, you could also do it. You don't have to wait for something to shift your attention outside of you, you could do it yourself. It's just kind of more like a manual override of the rest of the auto, the autopilot circumstances. So, thanks for walking with me. Have a wonderful week. Or whatever type of week you have, because I'll be here again with you next week. And come walk with me again soon.

unknown 31:22

Thanks.