I Asked About Teeth Whitening. She Suggested I Change My Personality.

I went to the dentist for one simple thing: teeth whitening.  Instead, I left with a lifestyle critique.  In this episode, I talk about the moment my dentist suggested drinking less coffee, why that felt personally offensive, and the universal frustration of being told the solution to our problems is… changing our habits.

Cai Society is a weekly podcast about navigating your 30s with humor, honesty, and zero pressure to have it all figured out.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

So I went to the dentist to ask about teeth whitening. That was it. That was the intention, just whitening. And this woman literally, calmly and confidently looked at me and said, Well, you could stop drinking coffee. Oh, I'm sorry? I'm sorry? That wasn't the question. I asked about a product you prescribed a lifestyle change. And I just feel like that's, I don't know, aggressive. I didn't come in here for a character development arc. I came in here for peroxide. Like, why are we like this though? Why do professionals always suggest the one solution that requires us to become a different person? Drink less coffee. That's not whitening, that's betrayal. Okay? Coffee is not just a beverage. Coffee is a coping mechanism. Coffee is a personality trait. Coffee is the only reason I have ever made it to 8 30 a.m. with a good attitude. And now you want me to give it up for enamel? Oh goodness. You know what the thing is though? The thing is that she's right. Which is the worst part. I hate when someone is correct in a way that requires effort from me. Because I didn't want a correct answer. I wanted a convenient answer. I wanted her to say, oh yes, here's a magical laser situation that will allow you to keep all your habits and still look radiant. Like that's what I wanted so bad. But instead, I got, hmm, have you considered becoming more disciplined? No, no, I have not. I have not considered that, not for a minute. And it's like this pattern in my life. Doctor says, reduce stress. Question for you is, how? Trainer, sleep more. Question for you is when? Therapist, set boundaries. With whom the entire population, it's always a lifestyle. It's never continue exactly as you are and simply add this cream. And I think that that's, or I think what offends me isn't even the advice, it's that it implies something. It implies that if I want to change, or if I want change, then I might have to change. And that feels rude because I love myself and and I also love convenience. And I think a lot of us want transformation without friction. You know, we want those glow-up results with no personality edits. We want whiter teeth and unlimited lattes. We want toned arms and garlic bread. We want peace and constant stimulation. We want growth without discomfort. And unfortunately, life is not structured that way, which is so disappointing. Now, listen, am I going to reduce my coffee intake? Probably not. But I do respect the boldness. And maybe, maybe that's the takeaway, you know, that the answer isn't always glamorous. Sometimes it's boring and obvious and deeply inconvenient. And we can either be offended or we can slowly, you know, very slowly, consider it with coffee in hand. I will not be switching dentists, but I will be emotionally processing the audacity of said dentist. So beyond my coffee habits, this idea of like wanting change without having to change translates into a few things for me. I mean, for one, fitness, also like skincare, um, and just I'm I guess that it kind of is just like an umbrella of overall health. But so I grew up in a family of tea drinkers. We were never really coffee drinkers. Um, but yeah, as I've gotten older, it has gotten harder to wake up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. So I've started to incorporate coffee into my everyday life. Um, it used to be like just something that I was like, ooh, today I really need it. Like, I'm gonna go get a cappuccino or a cold brew or whatever it was that I was in the mood for that day. But yeah, it's become an everyday thing. And a couple months ago, it was like two or more cups a day. Um, or I would do like a cup of coffee and then a Celsius midday to kind of like get me through that afternoon hump. Um, but right now I do my one cup of coffee like at 8 a.m. every day, and then like that's it. Because I was noticing that when I was drinking caffeine um in the afternoon, even like before 1 p.m., I would still struggle to like get good sleep that night. So I'm sleeping well. Like I feel like the coffee intake isn't hindering. Like, I feel like it's doing what it needs to do, but obviously I have noticed um, you know, a decline in my teeth. Like, generally speaking, I have nice teeth. It's I don't want um people to be like, ah, your teeth are fine, you dumb bitch. You know what I mean? But like, I feel like I've always been aware of my teeth and that they were never like super pearly white. Like, do you guys have that friend who just has freaking pearly whites and like for no reason it's just good genetics? I was never that person, but I feel like I was okay with my teeth because they were generally straight. You know, I had like braces for like a year or something. Um, and so I was like, oh, you know, my teeth are okay. So I won't like let the lack of whiteness bother me or whatever. But um, I have noticed a decline, like because I'm drinking coffee every single day. And so this dentist is so right, like she's only speaking truth, but I'm still offended. Like my coffee habits are no longer only about, you know, getting me to 8 30 a.m. It's like I look forward to having that cup of coffee. Like when it touches my tongue every morning, I like feel like it's the first breath I've taken all day. It's become such an emotional support system for me. And I don't know, I really do need to consider maybe testing, um testing out less coffee. But I'm also kind of like, is it worth it? Because it's not gonna like reverse the damage that's already done, but it'll stop it where it is, right? So it's like, damn it, am I really gonna have to give up, give up my coffee and like let my body produce its own energy as I was created to do? Like, that's not real. Oh my gosh. Like sharing a cup of coffee with someone is such an experience. I couldn't imagine saying no to a cup of coffee. And I feel like that's in my future. So I really, you know, I have like a I have another um bottle of cold brew in my fridge, and I'm just gonna have to like see where I'm at when I finish that one. Maybe we'll reassess and maybe I will actually try to not drink as much coffee, but what? The thought of it makes me ill. So also in terms of fitness, right? It's like I've been on this fitness journey. I'm waking up every morning to go to the gym. I have a workout plan now. I trying to like have 130 grams of protein every day. It's so annoying. It's so annoying. And this is one that I don't love that has become a personality trait. Like, I was never really a fan of like gym rats and stuff like that. I do obviously see the benefits, like, I've noticed my body changing and just like the feeling of being stronger, which is amazing. But it's like, oh my gosh, I'm dedicating, you know, two hours a day to being in a gym. And it's like, I don't know, I'm just such an outdoorsy person. I'd so much rather be outside. But um, and I mean, I know that there are like different workout programs that happen outside, but you know, it's winter, okay? Give me a break. Anyway, I so wish that I had the discipline and lack of cravings. Well, maybe they do have cravings. I'm I'm in my sorry, I'm let me tell you who I'm thinking about or I'm talking about. I'm talking about all of the gorgeous, incredibly strong fitness models and fitness influencers or trainers that are out there that I see all over my Instagram who I steal workouts from. Yes, I do want to look like you. Do I want to stop eating garlic bread, brownies, and chocolate chip cookies? I'm not sure. I'm not sure. And I don't know. I just feel like it's so I'm getting annoyed. Like, there's just so much commotion and advice in in terms of fitness and like eating, where people are like, you know, cut that out. Like, only eat grilled chicken and broccoli and and white rice, or and some people are like, ooh, you can do it vegan, or don't cut out what you love, you know, eat those jelly beans. And it's just like, okay, can someone just give me a frickin' direct answer? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? It's like, this is so hard. It's so hard. And I'm tired. It's like, how bad do I want it? You know, how badly do I want white teeth? How badly do I want to be ripped for the gods? You know, I don't know. Because I I could see myself being real comfy on the couch with some popcorn, you know. But also that brings me into like my skin. So I've struggled with my skin since COVID. I don't know if it was stress or whatever, or maybe the shot. Um, but my skin was I I my skin was really good before COVID. And then all of a sudden I was getting these massive, like um cystic acne breakouts. And I'm so bad, I love to pick my skin, and then there would be hyperpigmentation and scarring, and so I I just like still am trying to figure that out. And it's like, you know, people are like, oh, cut something out for X amount of days and note the difference that you feel. And it's like, I can't, I don't have time, energy, patience. Like, I just need to know. I don't know, is there like a way that I could give a blood sample to someone and they could be like, hey girl, that's what's causing that. Stop eating that. Because that's what I want at this point.

unknown 12:18

I don't know what I want.

SPEAKER_00 12:20

I want a quick fix. Uh it's funny because I I know that there's never really a quick fix, but how great would that be? You know what I mean? I thought that I figured out my skin recently. Um, I was eating these like chocolate chip cookies. Are they Tate's? I think they're Tate's the green bag. You know, you know what I'm talking about. They're so good. Um, and I had gotten like a whole box of 28 snack packs. And so I would like every night, I was like, this is my dessert. And surprise, surprise, my skin started acting up, right? And it's like I thought that it was the chocolate. Um, and so I mean, it very well could be, but then it also could just be that it was like a processed treat. And so I stopped eating them. And then I was like, you know what? I need to be serious about my health, I need to be serious about what I'm eating. I'm gonna focus on blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I made this like meal plan, and I'm starting to have like protein shakes and protein bars. Literally, just today before I sat down to like record this, I was in my head complaining about my skin, like, uh, it looks so bad. And I realized that my protein bars, obviously processed, but also chocolate, brownie batter, cookies and cream, chocolate chip cookie dough chunk. Like, what am I doing? But you know I've got two freaking boxes in my cupboard right now, and I'm gonna eat them because I paid for them. I'm gonna eat those, and my skin won't know if it's if it's okay until I eat through those, just like my coffee. It's like I'm gonna finish what I've paid for, and then the tests will start. Maybe. I'm still considering it all. Anyway, I just think it's all really funny. It's like one week I'm like, you can do anything, you just need to be disciplined. Like, you know, how bad do you want it? And like the other day at the gym, I was listening to this beast mode motivational, like I thought it was gonna be music, but it was literally just this man like yelling. And it got me through the workout, like it was actually really good. I was like, oh damn, there was just like this powerful, kind of aggressive music behind him, and he was like, be better than your opponent, wake up earlier. If they do 10 push-ups, you're doing 11. And I was like, Yeah! I was really feeling it. But then it's like when I come home and stop listening to this track in my ear, you know, it's like, wow, I see, I see that candy over there. What am I gonna do? I think I need to find the balance of like craving. My cravings are really bad.

unknown 15:26

Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_00 15:27

This can be a whole other episode talking about eating habits because I've struggled with my eating habits. Um, and I do think some of it was learned from my mom. Um, but yeah, we'll get into that another day. Okay. I feel like all of this just makes me think about why I resist change so much. It's like these habits that I've created have now also become comforts, right? It's like drinking coffee every morning is comforting to me. You know, um eating sweet treats is comforting to me. Like there's there's nothing more comforting than hopping into a comfy couch or a comfy bed with a nice, cozy comforter, and you're all toasty warm, and you're just like eating sweet treats, being entertained by uh people on television. Like that's super, super comforting. And um we gotta work on being okay in discomfort and knowing that the discomfort will probably lead us to um a healthier, more successful life. Isn't that crazy? Ugh, that's sad. It's like I was about to say something so crazy. I mean, yeah, I I um I don't want to be so like depressing, but life is really freaking annoying. I feel like there's constantly stress and pressure and comparison and like I don't know, I just feel like I'm fighting so many demons always, and like the solution is to like step into discomfort. Like I'm already, oh, okay, talking this through, this is okay. I'm making a realization. It's like I'm already uncomfortable. Pretend I don't take care of myself, right? And I'm comfortable, but also I know that it's bad for me, so I'm uncomfortable, right? And the fear is having to work hard to make positive changes, and that fear is uncomfortable, right? Or that hard work is uncomfortable. It's like you're most likely uncomfortable in both scenarios, so you might as well do the one that's gonna make you mentally, physically, emotionally healthier. Whoa, dude, I'm gonna have to fucking drink stop drinking coffee. Oh my goodness. No, I'm about to Google. I feel like coffee, I'm gonna Google is coffee healthy for you? Because moderate coffee consumption, three to four cups daily is generally considered good for you. That doesn't seem accurate. Hold on. Huh? Three to four cups a day is generally considered good for you? Oh. Okay, so there are no health benefits of me cutting off coffee except for potentially whiter teeth, right? Okay. Let's say, are garlic knots healthy for you? They're gonna be like everything in moderation. Garlic knots are generally considered an occasional indulgence rather than a health food. But that's my thing. It's like, now how do we measure occasional? You know what I mean? How do you measure an occasional indulgence? Because my thing is like, I'll order a large pizza and then I'll eat it for the next four days. Four indulgent meals per week is okay. Okay. That's pretty good, I'd say. The majority of your intake, about 17 out of 21 meals per week, should consist of whole foods. Okay, guys, honestly, this kind of makes it seem more doable because I feel like something that I've often face in my fitness journey specifically is like I get so upset with myself if I quote unquote cheat when I'm with like eating something. I'm like, oh well, there goes that ab that I wanted so badly. Like the cupcake one. But maybe if you just like calm the heck down, Kyra. You know what I mean? This is funny. I'm just thinking so much, like while I'm talking, and so hopefully you can follow this pod, but I don't know, guys. I mean, figure out what really matters to you, figure out how hard you want to work for it. Um, be proud of how far you've come if you are working hard at something already and have been for a while. I'm proud of you. And um, listen, if you have a really good dentist that you'd recommend for me, let me know.