2. Perimenopause & Identity: From "Losing It" to Leading It

Dr. Mary Pines gets candid about the messy, emotional, and physical chaos of perimenopause and menopause — and how this season of life can become your midlife metamorphosis instead of a meltdown. Through honest storytelling and science-backed insight, she reframes midlife as a time of transformation, helping women move from exhaustion and overwhelm to clarity, confidence, and calm.

In This Episode:

• Why perimenopause and menopause feel like losing yourself — and why that experience is biological, not personal

• How to reframe the hormonal chaos of midlife as a transformation instead of a breakdown

•  Practical mindset shifts to move from exhaustion and overwhelm toward clarity, confidence, and calm

Links & Resources

Learn more about Dr. Mary’s work at DrMaryPines.com and her signature Better Beyond 40 Formula program.

Join my FREE Skool Community

Follow her on Instagram at @drmarypines for day-to-day inspiration, wellness insights, and a behind-the-scenes look at her life and practice.

You can watch each episode on YouTube. 

Transcripts of all episodes can be found here. 

Watch my FREE MasterClass designed to help women 35-65 understand how to rebalance their bodies, overcome hormonal symptoms & lose weight using natural, science-based approaches they won't hear about in most doctor's offices or online.

Connect with Me:

Website: https://drmarypines.com

Newsletter: https://www.drmarypines.com/newsletter

FB: https://www.facebook.com/drmarypines

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drmarypines/

Linkedin: linkedin.com/in/dr-mary-pines-phd

Podcast feed: https://drmarypines.com/podcast

Shop: https://drmarypines.com/shop

Blog: https://drmarypines.com/blog

_______

Disclaimer: The content shared on this channel is for educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Nothing here is intended to replace the guidance of your physician, licensed healthcare provider, or any information accompanying a product you've been prescribed or recommended. Do not rely on this content to diagnose or treat a health condition, or to make decisions about medication or other therapies.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Welcome to the Better Beyond 40 podcast, where smart, driven women over 40 and those who support them ditch the confusion and cut through the midlife wellness nonsense. I'm Dr. Mary Pines, award-winning published PhD, biomedical scientist of 25 years with a decade in women's health and longevity consulting. I've helped hundreds of midlife women from their late 30s to early 60s transform their lives and their health by delivering clarity and practical real life solutions with honesty, compassion, and a little humor along the way. In this podcast, I'm going to share my top tips and tricks from within my one-on-one coaching program to help you redefine what's possible for yourself and for your loved ones and feel unmistakably better beyond 40. Now, before we begin, quick moment of honesty. I don't run ads. So if you're getting value here, please, please, please hit the follow button. Share the show. This not only helps you never miss an episode, but it can change the life of someone you care about too. Alright, let's roll. Welcome, Friday. It's a glorious Friday here. My hair's still a little wet. If you're seeing me on YouTube, I had a great gym session this morning. Ugh, thank you very much. Nice way to lead into the weekend. Now, today's episode is gonna be a little bit more of a ranty situation. I think you will like it. Bring it on. Stories, yeah. So let's start here. You know that feeling if you were a midlife woman and you walk into a room, completely forget why you're there, you're suddenly maybe sweating through your shirt, and at the same time you're mentally running through 47 open tabs in your brain. Ah, that's you. First of all, you're not losing it. I get it. You're not broken, and you're definitely not alone. So today's episode is all about the messy emotional, physical, mental chaos that many women experience in perimenopause and menopause, and how the season, on the other hand, can actually become your midlife metamorphosis instead of your midlife meltdown. There's hope, there's strategies, and there's a lot of joy in it all if you're open to it. And that's where today's episode will be a little different from most. Yes, we'll dive into a ton of practical, science-based things you can actually do, but first, it's important that we land in a mindset of compassion, patience, self-respect, rather than pushing from a place of frustration, shame, or feeling broken. It is totally balanced to feel lost, confused, deeply frustrated, and frankly fucking mad about how inadequate the support for women's health has been. You're allowed to feel all of that, but here's the thing: when you go into your healing process with a whip in your hand, forcing, hustling, berating yourself for not bouncing back, as it were, you're sending your nervous system the message that you're not safe. You're not enough, you're not good enough. And that actually makes the change harder, not easier. Real healing in midlife, especially through these phases, perimenopause, early menopause, especially happens when your brain and your body feel safe enough to shift. That means talking to yourself like someone you respect, not someone you're disappointed in. It means making changes from a place of I deserve to feel better and I'm worth the time and effort, rather than I'm a failure until I fix this. So before we get into the strategies, consider this your invitation to soften your inner voice, your tone. You can be angry at the system and still be kind to yourself. You can be determined and still patient. This episode is not about punishing yourself into progress, it's about walking yourself through a midlife metamorphosis with the same care you would give to someone you love. So, my goal with this by the end of the episode is that you feel a little less overwhelmed and a lot more like, oh, cool, there's actually a path forward for me. It's not that crazy complicated. This makes sense now. I have steps, and that you see the load that you're carrying in a new light so that it becomes lighter. And perhaps you can even put some of that load down if you don't need it in favor of supporting yourself. Because you're probably some flavor of exhausted and or overwhelmed if you're like the many smart-driven, incredibly busy women I speak with every single day. And if you're already there, you're on top of it, you're loving yourself, your voice is like, yeah, girl, we got this, and you're cruising. I applaud you, and I do hope you'll stick around for some relatable stories and extra fire to add to your heart, sister. Yo yo, keep burning bright. So let's dive in. Let's start with something almost every woman in midlife feels but rarely names. The invisible load. Mm-hmm. It's that constant hum of responsibility. Remembering the kids' appointments. On top of your appointments, the work deadlines, the dog's vet visit, what's in the fridge, your friend's birthday, that weird mole you should really get checked. Whoa. Most women are carrying in midlife the emotional load of relationships, the cognitive load of managing everyone else's lives, the physical load of a changing body that no longer responds to quote, what used to work. And then on top of that, your hormones decide to come in and have a rage or I'm being pinata party all up in there. And you're like, what the actual F. So now you're tired and wired, more emotional, less resilient, and yet you're still expected to function like the default project manager of your household and workplace. This is where the identity crisis can creep in. You might catch yourself thinking, I used to be so sharp. What happened to me? Or why do these tiny things set me off now? I don't want to yell at my kids. Or I don't recognize my body or my brain anymore. And it's not that you're suddenly not capable. It's that you're trying to be the woman you were at 25, running a 48-year-old nervous system with a way more going on in the background, responsibilities-wise, with a different hormone program. It doesn't math. Uh-huh. So let's bring life to this story. Start with an example. You should meet Sarah. Not her real name, but very much a real client of mine. Sarah's 46. She works in a full-time leadership role, incredibly brilliant. Two teenagers, a partner who travels a lot for work, and parents starting to need support. On paper, she's doing great career, family, home, social life. She's the envy of many of her friends. Inside, though, she feels like she's constantly just one email away from a total fucking meltdown in the office bathroom. She wakes up at 3 a.m. for no reason, sometimes drenched in sweat. Her jeans don't fit, even though she's changed how she eats. She still exercises a ton, probably too much. Her brain fog is so intense, she's struggling to remember the words she needs during presentations. And even though she finds her loving husband very attractive, she's frankly doesn't want him anywhere near her. And she's frightened and dismayed by her frank disinterest in sex in the last few years. So she goes to her doctor. Classic story. Gets told, that's just perimenopause, or your labs are fine. Maybe try to relax more. Oh my god.

unknown 7:48

This made me crazy.

SPEAKER_00 7:51

I hear it all the time. Um, it's so sad and wrong. And if this is you who's heard that, and maybe you've started to internalize the idea that you're failing. Many people get this idea. So sad. Failing as a mother, a partner, a friend, a leader, not only that, but as someone who's supposed to hold it all together. Here's the crazy part. Many of us never even open up about this situation. I mean, what? Women aren't known to, or maybe aren't even allowed to have midlife prices, the male equivalent of this time in our lives. Even though by all measures we would be more than entitled to have them. I was actually talking about this with my friend Lindsay over a beer the other night. Um, and we were just puzzling about that kind of gross thing, yeah, right? It's a little bit like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Why? We were like, oh, okay, well, maybe, maybe it's because we hold it all in. We pretend everything is fine. We've got it all handled. No support needed here, it's all good. But why do we do that? Is it because we don't want to be seen as weak? We want to be strong and capable, and and we're feminists, right? So that means we never need any help. Is it perfectionism? That's a trap a lot of us get stuck in, myself included, and we will definitely do that in an episode on its own soon. Or could it be part of the I'm not a good mom, wife, employee, boss, etc., if I have needs to. Whoa. Whoa, whoa. Let that one think in a sec. I'm not a good blank if I have needs to.

unknown 9:35

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 9:36

Uh definitely relate to that one. Or is it part of a gross, archaic societal program we grew up with that tells us that nice girls just keep quiet and do as they're told. Ooh, god, that's an annoying one. Anyway, you know what? It doesn't matter the cause. It's fucked up. And it's time to ditch that shit. And yes, I know some of you aren't like that. You're out there, you're singing your needs loud, and great for you. You lead the charge, girl. Be some great examples for all the rest of us. But I will say that based on my experience working closely with hundreds of women over the years, the vast majority of you are not force-rate with your needs, your struggles, your wishes. And it shocks me how many women I speak with who spill all of the beans to me in private, but won't share them with their partners or their closest friends. The shame, the embarrassment, the need to keep it all together, or the guilt at burdening others. And I'm air quoting here if you can't see me. This seeming okay on the surface while falling apart inside is pervasive and it's incredibly sad. And it's frankly the kind of dis-ease, internal dis-ease that recedes real disease. Woof. Uh, and my friends, if this is you, this is to the detriment of your physical, mental, and spiritual health. And yes, while you might be thinking, but the tide is turning on discussion of men's health, perimenopause, menopause, hormone issues, sex, dry vaginas, UTIs, periods, poop, all that awesome stuff in the media, on Instagram, all that stuff. Yes, we are living an incredible time for that. Thank fucking God. None of us actually grew up with that if we're over like 35, 40. None of us grew up with that narrative, that level of openness and shame-free broadcasting of our needs. Our own old school programs are still very much running in the background, and they're deep and they're strong for I would say 80% of us. So, the next time you're hiding your needs or your tears or your anger from your partner, your friends, or even yourself, just witness that. Ask questions. Get under it. Why? Look at the why. Why are you feeling shame? Does that need to be there? Is the shame, the hiding, helping you? I'm pretty sure the answer will be fuck no. Because the more we go at these things alone, the more we isolate ourselves, the harder and more overwhelming the problems feel, and the more we get in our own way. I know because I've been there for years. And yes, it can be hard to open up. At first, it can feel icky and awkward, and like you just want to sit there saying it. You're staring to that person's eyes, and it's like right there on your tongue, and your mouth is not moving. It just won't come out. You've been there? Ugh, oh my god, the worst. But you can do it. It feels weird at first, but you got it. Because here's the thing about honesty and vulnerability, which I know you've heard before, but it honestly stocks the shit out of me to hear how many women aren't being honest about themselves, about this stuff with those closest to them and even themselves, and they don't even realize it. So I'm gonna shine a big old spotlight here on awareness. And I'm doing this because this is one of the first steps to coming out of your hidey hole, being honest with yourself and others, and starting to meet your own needs. The first step is to recognize when you're in it and catch yourself in the hiding, in the shame and the embarrassment, in the guilt loop, whatever it is, and then recognize it's there for you to work on. You don't have to change it overnight, but just look at it, see it, chat with a counselor, chat with whoever. Just chat. Or not, but at least you know when you're doing it, and you can speak with a therapist or someone who can help to support you to move through the stuck emotions around bottling things up. I will say as an aside, I have a mom who never spoke up, who never aired her grievances, and she died really young of cancer, and you know, pancreatic cancer took her life really fast at 69, and she had a lot of this internal stuff brewing. And there's a part of me that thinks, like, oh, she was so shut down. I can't help but wonder. There's that dis-ease showing up as disease. So, on a lighter note, yeah, let me give you a poignant example of my own kind of clunky learnings around doing this in my own life, speaking my own truth and knowing my own needs, which took me a long time. Let me first, on that note, tell you that I'm not one who grew up in a household where we talked about feelings. Oh, absolutely OMG not. Let alone needs or periods or mental health or any of that. It took me a long time to even realize that I was closed off around my own needs. To even recognize my own needs was a challenge. And I will be honest, today, even still, it's sometimes a challenge. If I'm really distracted and in my go-go-go body, which I'm trying to move out of, as I spoke to you on the last podcast, I can completely bulldoze my needs. That's it for another day. Let's talk about learning to voice needs. So when I am about, you know, deep luteal phase, about three to five days before my period, I can get real testy, moody, bloated, just meh. And this was actually, I was very lucky. This was never something I really dealt with very much at all until I turned about 38. This is when the perimenopause started to creep in. My progesterone started her slow exit stage left. Which by the way, starts for most women in the late 30s and early 40s. Most people mistakenly think it doesn't start till way later. And this is part of the reason why so many women think they're broken or crazy or whatever in their early 40s because they're like, I can't be in perimetacause. Not true. Anyway, I would normally take during this time in my cycle the good old yummy amazing biodential progesterone to manage this lovely set of symptoms. But sometimes I forget. And I know I forget because I can get bitchy, which feels super weird to me. It's like I'm actually in a different body or brain. Because I normally I swear I'm actually a very mellow, nice person. I'm nice to those around me. I have a potty mouth, but I'm nice. Now, if I miss my projects around, I'm sometimes not nice. It depends how stressed I am, and I can see it coming when it sets itself up and I'm about to just knock it out of the park with some testy comment. I'm like, fuck, I should have known. As much as I don't want to, and I feel off about it after, I just might have a little hissy fit about you know, whatever dumb shit doesn't matter in that moment. The potentially like two insignificant dishes my beloved dear husband left in the sink, or how disgusting I find our dog is sometimes, or that fucking troll that left a dumb comment on my Facebook post. Whatever it is. It doesn't matter, and the normal me would be like, whatever. Sadly, while I can shield myself from most of the wonderful humans in my life, my husband lives with me, so he's forced to see me on all of my bloated, grumpy, uh chocolate-fiending glory on those days. And even more unfortunately, he's most likely to receive the brunt of my rage about aforementioned very insignificant dumb shit, which I feel very shitty about after, but seem to have absolutely no control of in the moment. Friends, I know a lot of you can relate to this. So I'm telling you this story because, because, because this is about truths and honesty. So the old me would have just unleashed some snappy remark that would have hurt him and then walked away angrily stewing in my own hot mess, carrying on with my day without really acknowledging openly, for both of our sakes, what's up, and how I've hurt him, and how that wasn't cool, and why it's happened. But he actually has great emotional boundaries, and through a bunch of therapy and our own work together and some pretty terrible fights, I realized that all I need to do is actually just voice what's happening for me before I cross any kind of threshold. This comes back to kind of our last episode about using my voice and learning that it's all it's all a thing. So now anytime I feel like I might be less resourced emotionally, maybe I forget my progesterone or it's just a particularly off day, I muster the courage. Even when it's the last fucking thing I want to admit or do, I sit Brian down and I let him know I'll say something like, sweet love. Five days before my period, things feel really hard right now. And if I am a grumpy pants, I just want you to know it's not you, it's not me. And that there, it's so simple, it takes 10 seconds and it changes everything. And I wouldn't have done that before. And I have women who do this with their kids, their teenage kids, their younger kids were a little like mommy's feeling a little tender today. Just so you know it's not you, I love you very much, etc. And like honestly, wow, talk about building bridges, talk about giving the other person also agency to say to her or whoever that they're in and to when it comes up for them. So good. And this is where the support we often desperately want has to start. It has to be aware, awareness of what you're feeling and being honest and open about it with yourself and your loved ones. If you don't share it, it fasters, and nothing good can come of that. I even have to have a talk with Brian about like, hey, my hormones are shifting, my libido is in the tank. I'm working on it. And actually, it's a lot better now. But there was a moment where I wasn't talking to him about it. I was kind of like in my own head, struggling, and he was like in his head, struggling, going, Oh, it's is it me? Like, is she not attracted to me, etc.? Like, all this damaging stuff. All I needed to say was just fucking say it. It felt embarrassing, but then after it felt really good, and it's brought us closer together. Um, so yeah. Anyway, let's talk about why you might be feeling chaotic and messy inside for a minute. Let's go into the why. I want to give you ammo for the next time your brain comes in and goes, you're fine, your life's amazing. Just shut up and get on with it. You're so privileged, etc. blah blah blah blah. If you feel chaotic, obviously, it's not because you're weak. It's because you're trying to operate in extreme conditions with no rule book, no language for what's happening, and often no real support. All of the pressures of life on top of all of those wild changes happening inside you. And so naturally, of course, it feels like you can't handle stress as well. Your bucket's full. You're swimming in it, despite how great things may look from the outside looking in. You may be less emotionally resilient, like you're constantly on the verge of a meltdown. What more headline about Donald fucking Trump or your partner even innocently asking, what's for dinner? And you will send it full metal jacket. And it's okay, but like understand why. And the word so many women use to describe themselves crazy. I feel crazy. I hate hearing this. If you said or thought that recently, please hear this clearly. You're not crazy. You are under resourced in a hormonally intense season. And there are two big reasons why women feel quote unquote crazy and parallel. menopause slash menopause. Firstly, it's your physiology, your hormones are changing, estrogen, progesterone, often cortisol, insulin, and all the other things are all shifting in ways that affect your mood, sleep, weight, focus, emotional regulation, and so on. And number two is context, just as we discussed. So when you have a meltdown at your kids, you feel bone-deep fatigue, you still can't sleep, you forget wordsman sentence, it's very easy to decide. I'm the problem. But physiologically, your brain and your body are in very different hormonal operating system than they were in your 20s and 30s. Emotionally, you're also carrying unresolved stress and the invisible load of years, sometimes decades, of putting yourself last. So no, you're not crazy. You're under-resourced, maybe underinformed, and often dismissed or unheard. And part of that is enabling yourself to be heard and choosing the right people to talk to. One of the most painful patterns midlife women describe is feeling dismissed. They go to a doctor, a therapist, a partner, a boss, and here's some version of it's just stress. That's just life. Or this is what happens as you age. Ugh just the word just is such a minimizing word. It really shrinks the very real experience into something you're supposed to tolerate. Quietly just sit down. Be a nice lady. When women are dismissed enough times though, they either stop asking for help altogether or they start doubting their own inner experience. Neither of these options leads to better health or happiness. They just lead to more self-silencing. And when you silence the signals from your own body long enough they usually just get louder. And this is often through worsening symptoms. Could be burnout. It could be a full-on health crisis. It could be hives that come out of nowhere. Like stress manifests in crazy ways in the body besides the ones we usually talk about. Like higher blood sugar weight gain all of that it's deeper than that. So if you felt dismissed nothing has gone wrong with you. Something has gone wrong with the level of support you've received here's the reframe that changes everything. Perimenopause and menopause are not evidence that you're feeling they're evidence that you're transforming. It's a metamorphosis. Your hormones are not betraying you they're shifting you into a new phase of life with new needs and new boundaries are key. Your body's not misbehaving it's just communicating it's asking for different things. And this is why the same old diet culture advice and generic eat less, exercise more manage your stress usually backfires in midlife because your physiology has changed so your strategies need to change too instead of seeing the season as I'm falling apart try my body is asking for a new level of support and alignment. And that's actually super empowering because it means there is a lot you can do. Locks absolutely it's just probably not what you've been told to do for the last 20 years and it's probably not even all that stuff you're reading about menopause and perimenopause on the internet some of it for sure but what is your unique body need everybody is so different. Every woman's hormones are different and they change differently and this is where the idea what I like to think of them as the metamorphosis the midlife metamorphosis comes in think of that beautiful butterfly there's that whole messy in-between stage where it's not the caterpillar it used to be it's not yet the butterfly either it's this like gobbly gook it's a little bit messy. I used to study these things when I did Drosophila fruit fly biology as a scientist um perimopause and menopause are that in-between corsulosphase not who you were not yet who you're becoming and that in between everything can feel confusing confusing unstable emotional wrong but metamorphosis is not chaos for the sake of chaos there's structure and possibility underneath it. If you have the right information tools and support that's key. The midlife metamorphosis is about honoring what your body is going through updating your lifestyle habits and expectations to match your current physiology so you can let parts of your old identity those ones that aren't serving you maybe your unrealistic expectations let them go so to live into a more aligned version of you allow it to emerge it's less midlife crisis and more midlife recalibration so let's come back to Sarah for a sec. When she came into my world she genuinely thought she was just quote not coping as well as other women this goes back to sharing our needs what we're going through in part. So we started by doing what almost no one had done with her I actually sat her down and she told her full story. I listened deeply we went through her symptoms her medical and health history her labs her responsibilities her lived experience as a woman we mapped out her hormone patterns her body type based on her hormone patterns her sleep disruptions her blood sugar imbalances stress load and her visible and invisible responsibilities from there instead of handing her a random supplement pack and telling her to try yoga we built a personalized plan that aligned her eating patterns with her energy and her hormone systems adjusted her movements so she wasn't overtraining an exhausted body we protracted her sleep with realistic science-based strategies that also allowed her to live her busy life and we added small doable habits to calm and regulate her nervous system. And because she had ongoing support she didn't have to figure it out all by herself along the journey as she shifted and changed and you know metamorphosed through a little bit of awkwardness to become more of the beautiful butterfly she now is fast forward a few months no more 3am wakeups the braid fog lifted her mood was much more stable her clothes fit comfortably again and she described the feeling like she got herself back but actually even better which is awesome to hear. Now that is a midlife metamorphosis in action it's not magical and it's not instant it's some work but it's absolutely attainable. So here's something you already know if you spent any time on Dr. Google or social media information is everywhere. Implementation is where most women get stuck you might know the strength training is good in midlife that blood sugar balance matters that stress affects hormonalness sleep is crucial. But knowing and doing and doing the right thing for your body those are different things especially when you're exhausted overwhelmed and not sure where to start and in conflicting advice fear-based marketing with uninformed doctors and one size fits all protocols designed largely around studies done in men it's no wonder when women in midlife feel paralyzed overwhelmed and that's why personalized guidance and ongoing support are such a game changer in this season. Not because you're not capable you're very fucking capable but it's a lot to manage on top of the rest of what you're already managing. Perimenopause and menopause would never be meant to be navigated alone in a silo anyway historically women had intergenerational support. We all live together shared wisdom and community now many women are going through this quietly behind a laptop between Zoom calls or late at night when they can't sleep honestly the number of uh hormone clarity calls I book in the middle of the night makes me deeply sad because I know these women are doom scrolling trying desperately to find the signal and the noise because they've quote unquote tried everything and they don't know what to do next. So what does support look like for us in this season? This is something a lot of women are also unclear about what did they need to bring to the table and what should they expect in return? Support in this season looks like as we talked about it starts with you being real about your needs. It also looks like being believed in when you describe your symptoms and having language to explain what's happening to your body being aware open and honest as we talked about earlier it's also having a roadmap for what to do next and having someone to course correct with you as your body changes. Because it will continue to change over this six to ten year window that we call perimenopause. And it can be complex talking about it with your friends also important. I hope you have friends you can talk about this stuff with if you don't girl it's mission number one talking about it with an expert who can hold your hands you step into new awarenesses up level game and step onto the stage of your new life your new self is incredibly helpful too that's what I do. You are not meant to white muffle your way through it. You're allowed to say this is a lot and I deserve help and then set aside resources for yourself. That one statement or idea can be revolutionary. This is a lot I deserve help. This is the rest of your life we're talking about so let's shift gears a second and talk about a few practical shifts you can start making to move from overwhelm towards a renewed sense of possibility. These are not about perfection they're about alignment. First name the season simply saying I'm in perimenopause or menopause and this is a profound physiological transition can reduce the shame and the self-blame in my course Better Beyond 40 formula I really dive into physiologically on a simple level what is happening in your body right now and it is pretty freaking awesome. It's a lot second audit the visible and invisible load grab a notebook list out everything you're responsible for emotionally and practically and ask what could be delegated delayed or deleted I promise you there's stuff on there that doesn't serve you that you do not need to be doing. Outsource it baby it's my new motto um third protect your sleep like it's medicine because it is not with extreme routines but with small changes like morning light exposure smart caffeine timing window rituals that actually work for you I know many mums out there who feel like their only me time is at night when the kids go to bed and so they end up doing what they know they shouldn't do doom schooling in bed knowing this isn't good for them or for their sleep it's time to prioritize something that is though like a soothing magnesium salt bath and a book for example every night after dinner like 10 minutes after dinner 20 minutes I go for a little glucose walk. It's my self-care that helps me sleep so much better. The darkness at night the moving my body I come back in I want dim lights I'm in a different space than my go go go self was through the day do something that makes your nervous system unwind like that makes it go and that is not actually most TV or social media. So if you're unsure about your sleep and how to improve it this is where we can also leverage the power of a wearable device like a watch or a ring I have the aura you might not mind wearing a watch to bed I do not like to so there's other rings out there as well now which don't have a subscription fee ultra human ring con no affiliation I just like these products otherwise you can wear an Apple Watch a whoop a garment whatever you have these things can help support you or you and I if you want to work with me on it to understand your sleep patterns to help you ensure you get adequate deep and REM sleep your sleep architecture is really important to know that you're oxygenated through the night how many times you're waking up all of that stuff that can really help us lay the foundations for improving your hormones your metabolism your vitality sleep is pivotal number four you want to move with your hormones with your cycles if you still cycle not against them. So many women do a lot better for example with less frantic cardio more strength and recovery tailored to their energy and their cycle you're hormonally a very different woman through the four phases of your menstrual cycle and I place a big emphasis on this in the course. Number five, eat for blood sugar stability eating the bulk of your calories earlier in the day and having balanced meals with at least your half of your plate being vegetables every time maybe not quite at breakfast but do try salads are great you can do it. So having balanced meals lots of vegin as you've all been hearing eat tons of protein fiber that's what the veg are about and healthy fats they can radically change your mood cravings energy in this season of life so these are the kinds of strategies that stop you feeling your body is doing random crazy stuff and start making it feel understandable and therefore changeable. Beyond the labs, the science the protocols, the lifestyle based medicine the hormones there's a bigger question underneath all of this who are you becoming in this season so many women in midlife tell me I I'm so in it I've been so in it for so long I've been in survival mode and service for so long I don't even really know what I want anymore. I don't know what's important to me outside of my family and my job perimenopause and menopause often bring these kinds of questions to the surface sometimes very loudly who am I independent of my role as a mom outside of work or my role as a wife what is it that actually fills me and gives me joy in fact when was the last time I felt joy huge questions hugely important awarenesses definitely something to meditate on journal on what have you because it's this stage in life where we get carried away with the to-do lists and the joy falls off of it. Put that back on there please whatever that means for you and on that note you might notice that you have a lot less tolerance for the things that drain you yay and more desire for truth and alignment that you give less fucks about certain things and have a growing sense that you know something has to change. I want to do better for myself this isn't you becoming difficult it's you becoming honest and that honesty is part of your midlife metamorphosis. So instead of asking how do I get back to I used to be you can start asking how do I support who I'm becoming the midlife metamorphosis is learning what is important to you building a life routines and boundaries and under your current season and your updated needs and desires your desires and yes that might look like saying no more stay in rest lift heavier things eat differently and ask for help without apology have a bath instead of going out you're upgrading your operating system and do know that upgrades are often a bit glitchy before they stabilize and that's okay so let's also leave some space for shumer here and not try to take ourselves too seriously because really you gotta laugh at finding your keys in the fridge sometimes and you gotta realize actually fuck it that's fine whenever I'm in it self-compassion is required. It's not a luxury it's a requirement in this season um we can absolutely work on the brain phone by the way that's not something you need to accept but just when it happens it's okay just talk to yourself the way you would talk to a close friend going through the hormonal chaos of course you're tired. Look what you're holding it makes sense that you're emotional. Your body's doing a lot you're not behind you're just you know you're transitioning you're transitioning because here's the thing you've worked really fucking hard to get here to this moment in your life. You've done so much you've shown up for others in their times of need and now you've got to show up for yourself because the best days of our lives are actually ahead of us right and taking a different approach can get you there. Let the golden years start let's not wait till our 60s screw that but when we get to our 60s oh it's gonna be golden I can't wait um so if you're listening to this and thinking okay okay I get it this is a transition towards something that can be better. It's not the beginning of the end and you're saying uh also I have no idea where to start or how to put this all together for my body that's why I'm here that's why I built the Better Beyond 40 formula and since we're getting to the end here of this episode I gotta give you a little wee plug for it because it's a super fucking awesome program. So the Better Beyond 40 formula is a 12 week personalized program and it's catered specifically for you midlife women navigating perimenopause and early menopause postmenopause like 40s through 60 I've had a couple older ladies too and you are tired of guessing or Googling of going out alone. So you want science-based outside the box functional lifestyle medicine with real life practicality so you can finally understand your unique hormones your metabolic signature know exactly what to do to optimize it in ways that fit the lifestyle you want to live. So inside the program you will get a custom plan that fits your body your history your goals your lifestyle based on extensive personal blood work and symptom reviews with myself who give regular meetings uh step-by-step guidance in the course on what to do each week and we also provide regular support and accountability so you're never trying to figure it out alone and we also have skilled mindset coaches to help you through the psychological roadblocks that try to sabotage us along the way especially as women so women who go through this process don't just get symptom relief they describe feeling clearer more energized more themselves sometimes for the first time in years it's not about chasing your 25-year-old body it's about becoming the healthiest most powerful and empowered version of you in this season and beyond what do you want who do you want to become so if you're ready to move from I feel overwhelmed and a bit broken to I understand my body and I have an awesome plan you can learn more and see if the Better Beyond 40 formula is a fit for you over at drmarypines.com we'll put a link in the show notes there's a free masterclass on there that describes more about what you learned there who I can help in the program and who I cannot help so please watch that first and thank you. If you take one thing from this episode let it be this you're not crazy you're not feeling and you're not alone this midlife transition is intense but it's also an invitation an invitation into your midlife metamorphosis into a life where your health your needs and desires are allowed to matter and they really fucking matter and let us live into them. You deserve support clarity and a body that feels like home again you deserve to feel better beyond 40 thank you for spending this time today with me friends if this episode resonated with you please give it a five star review and share it with a friend, a partner anyone else who supports midlife women because understanding this season is a gift not just to you but to everyone around you thank you