Welcome to "Pure Kaos," a raw and unfiltered journey into the life and struggles of living with alcoholism. Each episode dives into the real stories, the highs and the heartbreaks, and the kaos that comes with addiction. We explore the complexities of life and death through the lens of those who've faced alcoholism head-on, offering a space of honesty, understanding, and sometimes a little bit of hope amid the KAOS.
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We talk honestly about how drinking and addiction hit our parents in ways we didn’t want to see while we were still using. We share our own story of starting young, hiding binge drinking for years, and finding sobriety after a painful moment of regret. • starting to drink at 14 and sliding into binge patterns • getting better at hiding alcohol use as an adult • not thinking about the emotional toll on parents and family • seeing the quiet worry and deep pain, especially from a dad who doesn’t speak up much • hearing “please stop drinking” on a deathbed and carrying the regret • reaching 16 months sober and rebuilding pride and trust with a mom who can finally see change • watching for the signs when people claim they are fine
We can choose to give in to the KAOS, or we can forge a new path forward!
Hello everyone. Happy Friday and thanks for tuning in for another episode of Pure Chaos. Today we're going to be touching base on the toll that drinking and addiction takes. And, you know, I'm not necessarily talking about the toll it takes, you know, on your body, you know, obvious ones that, you know, your body, your bank account, you know, but the toll on loved ones, specifically your parents.
Now, for me, you know, I started drinking at a very young age, you know. Um, first time I ever really first time I ever drank was you know 14 years old, and it just kind of went downhill from that. But throughout my life, my teens and stuff, you know, I wasn't drinking every day, but I think for majority of my life, I was definitely a binge drinker, right? So I could go, you know, three, four days during the week, whatever, not drinking. But then, you know, Friday hits, and then you know, Friday carries into Saturday, Sunday, Monday. So definitely a binge
drinker. And then as I, you know, got into my adult years, um, I just became better at hiding my drinking. Um, but you know, during this time, whether you're, you know, a teenager or an adult, the one thing I don't think that you know us alcoholics and us addicts um realize is the toll that this takes on our parents. Uh and you know, maybe for for me, I guess, uh maybe subconsciously I didn't want to know. So I just didn't care, right? I just wanted to drink and you know, I didn't think about what my addiction and my drinking was doing to the people in my life, like my parents, you know, my family, my sisters, brothers. I didn't, I honestly don't think I cared while I was in addiction. Um, but I do know that you know the toll that it takes on your parents, whether we, you know, like to admit it or not, it's a big one. And you know, I was able to hide my drinking, you know, nobody really knew it was a problem until you know much later in my life, probably, you know, going into my you know 40s, uh mid-40s is kind of when for whatever reason I just really uh kind of got off the rails. And you know, maybe it's just because as we age and as we get older, our bodies can't deal with the addiction and deal with the drinking as much, right? So the hangovers, you know, versus a one-day hangover and you're back up and going to work, you know, it's two, three, four days where you're just you know rotting and feeling like complete shit. Um, so it just gets harder to hide that, you know, and then there's the excuses, you know. I I have a cold, I have a flu, right? I don't know how many times I had the flu.
But uh going back to you know, parents, I I could I could see what the the toll and the the pain it was causing my parents, you know, specifically my dad. So in my family, my mom and my dad were never drinkers, right? My dad would have like maybe one or two drinks a year, and it's usually around Christmas. My mom, same thing, she has you know one or two drinks. So, you know, it wasn't like I grew up watching them drink their faces off, but you know, they my dad was you know just a quiet person, you know, he never really voiced concerns, I guess. He would just kind of quietly see what's going on. But because I was a fucking professional at hiding it, they never realized how bad it was, like I said, until later in my life.
Um, and you know, unfortunately, you know, my dad passed a few years ago, and my one regret is that I uh on his, you know, literally his deathbed, he he basically told me, you know, I just wish that you would stop drinking. You know, your mom worries about you, I worry about you. And you know, I just got back from Mexico, you know. Of course, I'm hungover at this time. My dad's pretty much bedridden by this point, you know, on dialysis. And he never, you know, I I I don't want to say I didn't care, but my addiction was more important at that point. And so I just, yeah, yeah, you know, you know, I'm good, I'm good. Don't worry, I got it under control. Which I did fucking not have it under control. And
then, you know, sadly my dad passed, and uh it wasn't until after he passed that I, you know, was able to finally get sober and you know, going on 16 months now, but I just wish I would give anything to be able to, you know, be able to just kind of have my dad see me, you know. Um, and you know, my mom is still alive and well, you know, and it really took a toll on her as well. And so, you know, she's so proud now because she's been able to see, you know, me being sober, right? And not just for, you know, a stretch of like, you know, a month or two, but for 16 months. Longest stretch of my life I've ever been sober. Um, but yeah, I just wanted to take a moment just to talk about that because whether we want to see it or admit it or not, our addiction, whether it's drugs, alcohol, does have a major role on our parents, even if they don't, you know, sit us down and literally, you know, have an intervention and tell us it, you know. So just kind of be more cautious. Look for the signs, right? Just kind of look, and you'll you'll see, right? It's a pain that hurts deep down, and not everyone says it. So that's it for me today. Hope you guys all have a great weekend. Thanks for tuning in. Pure chaos, raw truth, unfiltered, and I forget to rest. Have a good one, everyone.
