Nyla Whelan on Confidence, Self-Worth & Reinventing Yourself in Midlife

Healthy by Nyla founder on mindset, women’s health, confidence, self-worth, habit change, motherhood, and authentic transformation

What happens when you stop chasing perfection… and start becoming more fully yourself?

In this episode of Unlocking Human Potential, Andy sits down with Nyla Whelan, founder of Healthy by Nyla, to explore mindset, confidence, women’s health, self-worth, motherhood, stress, and sustainable transformation. Through her coaching, Nyla helps women build stronger bodies, healthier habits, and more confidence — but behind that work is a deeply human story of self-doubt, people-pleasing, burnout, and growth. 

Nyla speaks openly about growing up with insecurity, navigating her parents’ divorce, becoming a mother, raising children with autism, overtraining, stress-related health issues, and the pressure of trying to look like she had everything together while internally feeling very different. 

In this conversation, we explore:

• how mindset shapes choices, behaviour, and outcomes 
• why perfectionism and external validation can quietly drive burnout 
• how stress, sleep, and recovery affect health more than most people realise 
• why authenticity is one of the most powerful tools in personal growth
• and how women can rebuild confidence at any age

Nyla also shares practical tools that listeners can use straight away, including walking in nature, positive affirmations, gratitude, and getting honest about what they really want from life. 

This episode is for women, parents, coaches, leaders, and anyone interested in mindset, confidence, women’s health, self-development, recovery, and human potential.

About Nyla

Nyla Whelan  founder of Healthy by Nyla, online coach, and a passionate advocate for helping women build stronger bodies, healthier habits, and more confidence in themselves. Through her coaching, Nyla supports women in learning how to train with purpose, fuel properly, build lean muscle, and break free from the cycle of extreme dieting. 

But behind the coaching is a real story of growth. Nyla’s journey through motherhood, challenge, and self-development has shaped the way she shows up today  with honesty, warmth, and a level of authenticity that makes her deeply relatable to the women she supports. This episode explores the lessons she’s learned, the strength she’s built, and how becoming more fully yourself can unlock real transformation”

@Healthy_by-nyla

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Welcome to Unlocking Human Potential. With me, Andy Hosgood, a show dedicated to exploring what it really takes psychologically, behaviourally, and practically to help humans thrive through conversations with leaders, founders, coaches, behavioural experts, and people shaping how humans perform and grow. Is this for you? But if you're a leader, a founder, a business owner, or an ambitious professional who wants to do more than just perform, they want to grow, inspire, and bring the best out in themselves and their people, then keep listening. Because the mission is simple to explore how individuals and teams unlock potential in themselves, in others, and the organizations they shape. Every episode is a deep but relaxed conversation built around three core questions. How do you optimize yourself? How do you unlock potential in others? And the best advice for you, the listener. Now, over to the episode. Really hope you find it helpful and insightful. Just before we introduce our next guest, please make sure you press the follow button to keep updated with the latest episodes. Additionally, special thanks to 246 Photography and PixelMade Brands for making this podcast a reality. Now over to the episode. Nayla. Hello. Welcome. Thank you. Lovely to have you here. And yeah, I think really looking forward to where this conversation takes us. You've got a great story and you're doing some great things. So I'm really looking to explore this with you. Thank you. So today's guest, Naila Whelan, the founder of Healthy by Naila, an online coach, a passionate advocate for helping women build stronger bodies, healthier habits, and more confidence in themselves. Through her coaching, Nyla supports women in learning how to train with purpose, fuel properly, build lean muscle, and break free from the cycle of extreme dieting. But beyond the coaching is a real story of growth. Nyla's journey through motherhood, challenge, and self-development has shaped the way she shows up today. With honesty, warmth, and a level of authenticity that makes her deeply relatable to women she supports. This episode explores the lessons she's learnt, the strengths she's built, and how becoming more fully yourself can unlock real transformation.

SPEAKER_01 2:34

Perfect. I love that. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 2:36

Oh, thank you. And you know, I I think it's I think it's a really conversation we need to have more of. So I'm really looking forward to what we explore. So what we always do on the pod is we always start with curiosity seems to sit with a lot of the guests and a lot of the listeners. So I'm curious, what is something that you're curious about right now?

SPEAKER_01 3:03

Oh, brilliant question. Um, I'm always curious about mindset. Okay, because I feel like everything in life begins and ends with your mindset in terms of personal development, you know, personal growth. Um, it impacts the way we behave, the choices that we make, the way we feel, the way we think, the outcomes in life, our perception, everything all rolled into one. So I'm always curious to learn more about the human mind, really, and behaviour. Um, you know, people assume that the brain is the mind and it's two separate things. And the more I learn, the more I realize I don't know, and the more I want to learn. And um, I'm obsessed with listening to podcasts. Occasionally I'll read books when I make the time. I'm bad at that. I've always got a book at the side of my bed, and I read a page and then I'm asleep. Um, you know, talking to people on a daily basis, my clients, you know, you meet like-minded people when you're obsessed with the mindset. And so um I've actually got an event coming up um next week that I'm going to in Texas, which is the biggest thing that I've done. Right. Um, going with Clint, my partner, and uh, we're going to see David Bayer. Don't know if you're aware of him. So we've got his book. Okay. Again, I've not completed the book, but Clint has. Um, and it's called A Changed Mind.

SPEAKER_00 4:37

Right.

SPEAKER_01 4:37

And then he's got a three-day event in Texas, and so yeah, I've never been to the USA before, and I've never been to a mindset event on this scale either. So yeah, I'm ready for the impact, and I'm hoping that it's going to be an amazing experience. So amazing. Well, we look forward to uh our feedback to you after the time. Yeah, that'd be really good.

SPEAKER_00 4:59

Yeah, yeah. But I think it is, um there's so many relatable things you just said. I mean, the book beside the bed bit made me smile. You know, I'm I'm an I've had to force myself to avidly read because for the reason I'm just like that. I mean, I can't do it in the evening, I've got to get up early and do it just on the basis that I wouldn't fall asleep. Um, but finishing books has always been my challenge. Uh so I've probably got about five. I know, the beside the bed going. Yeah. So I get it, I understand. I think a lot of people are relatable to that, aren't they? I think it's not. Um, but yeah, I'd be really curious about what that event, and you know, and the uh so it would be great to see what you learned from that, what you took away from that, and then what that obviously can bring towards your clients as well. Because I think that is it's a real good thing, and I think a lot of the listeners, that's certainly one of the things that most people are listening are aware that the power of the mind, and certainly, and that seems to be a running theme, so yeah, that's so I'm really looking forward to kind of exploring that a bit more. Yeah, so just to let you know that the pod and first-time listeners, so it's in three kind of stages. So, we're gonna talk about how to how do we get the best out of ourselves. So, you know, how do we lock our own best potential out of ourselves? And I know you've got a bit of a story, and it'd be great to explore that with you. Yeah, um, and then how to get the best out of others. So it would be great to lean into the coach part of you to kind of explore what you're doing and you know, some of the challenges that some of your clients are facing and what we do to overcome them. And then it's kind of my belief that if people are going to give up an hour of their time to listen to us have a good conversation, it's the so what piece. It's the piece of going, okay, so you know, what can a listener do? So at the end, what we'll try and do is wrap it up with just some advice or some take-home messages, or just try and tie some of the key insights that we've talked around, and then maybe set a challenge or two for some of the listeners to hopefully uh take some action. How does that sound?

SPEAKER_01 7:00

Sounds cool.

SPEAKER_00 7:01

So let's start with yourself, you know. So obviously, you've been on a journey, and it and what's quite nice sitting across from you now is that I I I get the impression that you've this strong mindset you're creating or you're developing and stuff. Has that always been the case, or has that been on a journey to develop?

SPEAKER_01 7:20

No, not at all. That's quite the opposite. When I was younger, I was very shy, very insecure, and I had a very closed mindset in terms of I used to avoid trying anything that's new, anything that was out of my comfort zone for the fear of failure, okay, fear of embarrassment. Yeah. Um, so I shrank myself and uh I didn't like to draw any attention to myself at all. And I think that started around about the age of seven when my parents got divorced, and that was the first time I ever sort of felt like, am I good enough, and started to question. Um, prior to that, I was just an average happy, go-lucky, you know, daft kid. Um but I feel like my parents' divorce did impact me quite a lot. Um, I had a brilliant upbringing, don't get me wrong. My mum was suddenly my mum and dad, you know, took on two roles and she's very strong individual. Um, but I feel like it was a sense of abandonment because I didn't have um contact with my dad. And so I started to feel like I wasn't enough. And my home whole home life had changed beyond all recognition. I'd gone from quite a privileged upbringing, private school, big house, holidays, and all those kind of trappings of life, to then being essentially what was like a council house with my mum, um, quite a rough area, big change, no friends, starting from scratch. And you know, I remember walking into school and uh not fitting in in my new school. Um, I spoke like the Queen's English, you know, to me. And um, I remember then changing my accent over time in order to fit in. Um mixed race as well, um, Asian on my dad's side, and um at that time when I was growing up, I was one of the only brown kids in the school. Okay, so again, I felt like I didn't quite fit in, and this isn't probably true, but I also felt like I was the only kid that came from a broken home. Okay, so I had a lot of insecurities and no one really to talk to about it, you know what I mean. Um I didn't get bullied at school. Um, I kind of developed this skill of going under the radar, so like I didn't draw attention to myself and I was everyone's friend, but it meant that I was a people pleaser, also. And so that carried on all the way through my teens and my twenties, and uh even to the point where my best friend, who I met at 16, she's like a sister to me, and when she got married, she asked me to do a reading, and I have I avoided it. I said, I'm really sorry I can't do it, because I was so self-conscious about standing up in a public space, um public space and talking to you know, reading in front of people that I didn't know, or even people that I knew. I just felt like I'd be so overwhelmed that I'd feel physically sick. And so she said, No, respect that. I wouldn't want you to not enjoy the day. And then there were other situations like um when I graduated, um, I wanted to be a designer. Um, I've always been very artistic. Um that one's in my mum's side of the family, and I was the first one to go to uni, and I really wanted to make everyone proud and get my dream job as an interior designer, and you know, drive my Mercedes by the age of 23. And when that didn't happen for me, that compounded this self-belief that I had that I wasn't good enough and there was something wrong with me. Do you know what to mean? So people that knew me outwardly thought I was quite confident, yeah. But I always put on quite a good front, you know, quite a good actress because I managed to get away with it by not putting myself in situations where I felt silly. Um, so I always had a bit of a wall, you know, and then um it wasn't until really that I probably in my early 30s that I started to question my personality and my behaviours, and that's when I started my journey of personal growth. But really, it was through meeting somebody else, a chance meeting of somebody else, otherwise, I'm pretty sure that you know the outcome would have been quite different. So um, I mean to go back to sort of right at the beginning. I um I'd started actually training at the age of 36, and to go back before that, um I started a family when I was 30, and uh my first child Andre was born, and um then I had Reuben and Lola uh three children within four years, and when I was pregnant with Lola, um my son Andre um received a diagnosis of autism, and that for me was a huge shock because I didn't really know any disabled people, children. I'd never come across autism before, only what I'd heard on the news and you know that fear-mongering around the MMR job and stuff like that at the time, and um it was a huge, huge shock, and I fell into a little bit of I wouldn't say I was depressed, but I was I was borderline, I was feeling very, very low. And um I pulled myself together because I was pregnant with my daughter Lola, realised that this wasn't a time to feel sorry for myself, you know, and have victim mentality. I had to be strong for my children and for my husband and just crack on with life, which is what I always had learned to do. And I put up a front, this wall of everything's good. And then um, when my daughter was two, I just I decided to start exercising just because I was unhappy with my physique. Um up until that point, I'd got away with good genetics, never been overweight, um, had a pretty good shape, but I felt very untoned. You can imagine popping three kids out in four years. So um I went and did an aerobics class with my friend and quickly got the bug. Um, I liked the endorphins that were released. I felt, oh, this makes me feel good, and it's a bit of escapism from the seriousness of life that I was going through at the time. And so I joined um a gym which had a crash, and let me tell you, the rest is history. Those children, you know, were in the crash socializing while I got to have a bit of me time and work on myself and just put my earphones in and escape from everything else that was going on around me, all the stress of life and work and you know, juggling family life. And so um, it was in that environment that I met someone called Ben Fannin, uh who's a great man. Um, sadly, he's not with us anymore. But um, he was a PT and he terrified me the first time I saw him. I remember walking into his class, his aerobics class, and opened the door, and he said, Are you coming in? And he was like proper mank, you know, northern, dead direct. He had this like aggressive energy about him, but deep down he had a kind heart. So, and I said, Oh, I don't know. He said, Right, come in, and absolutely beasted us all in the class, and then afterwards he said, uh, we got chatting, and that was it. I ended up going to his class every week. It gave me the push, you know, he made me train really hard. So, long story short, he became my PT. Right, and sometimes he would say, Right, we're not training today, we're gonna do a mindset session, and I'd be like, Oh, for God's sake. You know, I've built myself up to train, yeah, and you're asking me now to sit down and talk. But there was a um a method in his madness, he understood from our conversations that I was perhaps struggling a little bit, and that he felt that I had a potential that I didn't see in myself, and that was a really nice, refreshing thing to come across. And so he'd say things to me like, um who's the most important person in your life? And I really struggled. I remember thinking, one person, I took it so literally, I've got three kids, and then there's my husband, and then there's my mum, and oh, and he could see I was struggling, he went, It's you, don't you understand? It's you and I remember thinking, How? How is it me? That's so selfish. And then it was conversations like that that he really opened my eyes and made me look within for the first time. I used to have quite um a reactive sort of personality, so if someone pissed me off, they knew about it, you know to me. I was like, some I used to get called the Rottweiler. Uh not anything to be proud of, obviously. But um I told him a story about a delivery guy that had dropped something off and he didn't put it in my hole, and I went mad because of his attitude. And he was like, But you don't know what kind of day he had had up until that point.

SPEAKER_02 17:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:19

And I was like, Oh, you're right. And he said, You feel like you could have reacted differently if you'd maybe thought about that first. And I was like, How am I gonna change my personality? I've always been this way, it's impossible. He said, No, no, no, no, and anything is possible, it's your perception, it's the way that you're uh reacting without really thinking about your actions first. So then I know he um touched a lot of people. He had this amazing way of communicating, he was really articulate, he wasn't especially educated, and he'd been in prison and he had come out and reformed himself. And I think I was attracted to that, I liked that about him, his realness. And um, he had a real way of like pulling you in, drawing you in to a conversation. So he was on this mission of self-development as well, and so every time he learnt something, he'd be like, Tyler in the gym, you know what I mean? And then he'd have a crowd of people around him, and he'd want to share and bounce ideas with them, and he really inspired me on this whole process of um personal growth, yeah. Wow, so I've never really been able to share that about Ben. Um it's it's quite sad actually because um last year I found out that he took his own life, and it got me thinking about him a lot, and I wish that I had the opportunity to say to Ben, because like we'd lost touch several years ago. Um, and I wish I could have reached out and just, you know, told him how much he'd actually impacted my life and how I credit him. And you know, he's left a beautiful wife behind and two children, and it literally breaks my heart. But I don't know the circumstances around it.

SPEAKER_00 19:21

I think there's a few the thread that I'm picking up through that is that we never really know what's going on. You know, you said that you know, you were talking around you as a child and how you were turning up, and then how that you know, as an an and an adolescent, and then into a a young adult, and then you know, into your even into your 30s, you were still carrying this, you know, what felt like a perception of from the external world you were, you know, smashing life, looked happy. And actually internally there was a different narrative that's inside of the head. And I and I'm assuming with Ben there's obviously something similar, you know, that we ne we never really know, do we, what's going on in someone's world.

SPEAKER_02 20:04

No.

SPEAKER_00 20:04

And it sounds like when even when he pulled you up about the delivery driver and you said, you know, you even smiled because it was there was almost like a light bulb moment in you going, yeah, I never thought of it in that way. Um and there are moments like that, isn't it, that go through life that there's sometimes we just need someone to just give us an opportunity to show perspective, and it certainly sounds like it's just like a one-chance meeting or one conversation that can completely change your life. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:34

And I love getting into these mindset chats that especially when like they're really unplanned, yeah, and you just bump into someone in your day and you end up having like a really incredible chat, and you're like, it's like we were meant to meet here today and have this chat.

SPEAKER_00 20:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:51

You know?

SPEAKER_00 20:52

And I think there are, I think, especially through through life. I mean, certainly for me, you know, those kind of conversations, you know, do stand out where you have those moments where, you know, if I can share one with, you know, it's not as deep as what you were talking about, but a conversation where you you never know. I met one of my first guests on the podcast, a guy called JP, and I was happening at a conference in Dublin and it just literally fly and landed. And it was an energy match that someone just introduced me. And the first thing he did was take the mick because well, like him also, we have we are let's call the follically challenged. And and because of his Dutchness, where he's Dutch, and they're just very direct, and he just said it straight to me, he went, Oh yes, I recognise you every time I look in the mirror, or something like that. And it was just this, and I felt that and I responded with some other Sarky comment, and from that moment there was an energy that we just Yeah, and for that moment we just shared so many stories. Stories, and I think there are people that we just cross that you know, we do whatever that's an energy, is a resonance, is it meant to be? I guess that's how we view life. Is it just these things that can have such an impact on us? You know, and it definitely that sounds like it was a big shift in your life.

SPEAKER_01 22:17

It needed to happen, like meeting somebody like Ben at that time because I was running myself into the ground, had this personality of perfection I was always striving for, which was impossible. Yeah, you know, wanting to have the perfect family to fit in, you know, dressing my children immaculately. I was um OCD with my cleaning, you know. Every time we had a child, let's say there were happy accidents after Andre because it came so quickly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We'd be like, the house isn't big enough. So we sold and moved and bought a house and renovated. Right, okay. And then I was also um I was a makeup artist at the time with a very successful um um bridal business. Right, okay, and also working in fashion as well. So there was I you know, like so many women, I was spinning so many plates and really um just burning myself out. And then when when I got into training and got into the gym and I fell in love with that and how it made me feel, that became a bit of an obsession as well. Okay, so you know, not really understanding about energy balance and rest and recovery. I was getting poorly all the time, and um I actually developed IBS symptoms, which was quite a huge shock because I'd always been super like healthy, never really got poorly. Um, but I was getting tonsillitis maybe five, six times a year, running to the doctors, to the GP, and I'd be like, I've got all this stress and I've got all these responsibilities. You just need to give me some antibiotics, literally begging because I couldn't have a day off, you know. So I would take the antibiotics and then I'd be back in the gym day two with the antibiotics when they start to work the magic, you know what I mean. And I'd be training hard again, okay, not wanting to lose that level of fitness because I was so inexperienced, yeah, just thought I was gonna lose all my gains overnight, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But also just wanting to be this, keep maintain this level of like striving for perfection all the time, you know. Um I guess the overtraining, it's something I see quite a lot, and it's you know, it's an avoidance technique, isn't it? If you're busying yourself all of the time with either cleaning your house and running round after people and you know, people pleasing and the or training or whatever it is, if you're just constantly making yourself busy, you're avoiding sitting down and spending time looking at yourself and self-reflecting on where am I in life, yeah, am I truly happy? And people don't like to do that, they'd rather keep themselves busy because it's uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_00 25:15

It it it I I hear that, and I guess one of the things that what's interesting is we've had two guests already on the podcast, Sarah Davis and Paul Robinson, and both what I would like to share with you, and and just wonder where it lands, is both of them talk about you know the behaviours that we see in adults like that, actually how they are a lot of them are forms in our informative childhood years, and there seems to be that you know, there's these this kind of things of the behaviours that we've got that actually we start to see, and it sounds like you're kind of picking up a little bit and recognising that that you've got these behaviours and these habits that have created as an adult. You're probably recognising their in reflection or in hindsight that they weren't they weren't helpful, were they? Because you're like every time you were pushing harder, you were just getting more ill.

SPEAKER_01 26:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:06

And actually going, well, actually, I I can't stop them or giving myself permission to stop, I've got to keep going. And I think and I think lots of people listening will resonate with that, won't they? Because I think there's a lot of people going, well, when do I get a day off?

SPEAKER_01 26:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:21

Who's gonna do who's gonna who's gonna look after the kids if I take a day off? And I think I think there's an awful lot with that. So what then so I think it's it and I think that is really important. What you just said was you know, stopping to reflect and giving you the self-permission. And I know Ben even said to you, You're the most important.

SPEAKER_01 26:41

Yeah, there was lots of things going on at the time because, like, when I told him that I had IBS symptoms, he was like, What? Let me see what you eat. And so I kept a food diary for him that he suggested, and he looked at all of my meals. He went, I've never met anyone that eats as clean as you do, and you look so healthy. Do you know what I mean? So he said, There's gotta be more to it than this. So he said, I want you to keep a score of your inflammation after each meal, okay, and also like a little bit of information at the end of the day on your stress levels, your sleep, quality of sleep, and stuff like that. And what he figured out for me over the course of about a month was that I could eat the same meals, clean, eating meals that I'd all prepped at home. Yeah. And some days I'd have a bad reaction where I'd literally be doubled up in, excruciating pain in my abdomen, um, swelling, real uncomfortable bloating. With that comes fatigue, low mood, you know, brain gut axes, what you think you feel. Um, and then other days we could eat the same meals and be perfectly fine. But the correlation was that it all depended on my quality of sleep the night before and my stress levels. Yeah. So if I'd been in that fight or flight all day, going, oh Andre's screaming, my eldest one with autism, I'm anxious, my other two are playing up, you know, maybe some money issue. I was driving to school, got stuck in traffic, I'm like, eh, on the school run, all these things that parents, working parents deal with. And maybe I'd done a double class training in the gym, you know. That led to the overwhelm, which then caused the reaction in my gut. And so, what I find is very few people actually do have just the food intolerance, it's normally related to stress and anxiety that creates that. So, for me, um, you know, I was getting, as I mentioned earlier, I was getting a tonsillitis, all the antibiotics, and no awareness of how that blasts out your good gut bacteria as well as the bad bacteria. And I wish at that time I had a GP that had said to me, Let's look at your lifestyle, what's going on, you know. But it got to a point where it was too late. I ended up going to Cyprus to see my parents, and on the flight I had a bit of a sore throat, and then by the time I got there, I was ushed into hospital because it had blown up like I could barely breathe, and I spent um several days in hospital, and um it was actually in that private hospital that the doctor sat with me and he said, you know, your white blood cell count is through the roof, and you know what's going on, you know. I've been told you've got a history of getting seriously ill and you've had viral meningitis recently in hospital for that. I said, I don't know, but from that it made me think, right, something's got to change, you know, because like I'm a very unhealthy individual. And then I started to look within, and then also talking with Ben as well. Everything like the pieces of the puzzle were coming together, and um oh, I forgot what I was going to say now. Um but yeah, I think it was that point that I thought my behaviour needs to change.

SPEAKER_00 30:14

So I think you make some really strong points, and I think there's lots of people listening who, you know, and I and from my experience over 25 years, one as a healthcare professional now is in this coaching world, I think is I think there's a lot of relatable things that I was kind of saying, like the fact of you know, I think for most people, people don't probably eat as clean as that. So I think that was one thing, you know, when people feel like they're doing everything well, but can't then understand why why do I feel? Why am I getting ratty? Why am I getting tired? And don't people don't realise that actually stress on the body, it doesn't have to be, it can be from so many different factors. You know, if you're saying like you've got a you know a child with autism, which I'm assuming was quite a challenging because you know, from what I understand, and I by far and you know, know a lot about it, but I know that that it comes with challenges, and so you're learning along the time, and because there's a scale, and so you have to learn the child's learning, you're learning about that. So there's that level of uh you I think you use the word anxiousness that comes along with that.

SPEAKER_01 31:20

Yes, very much so.

SPEAKER_00 31:21

Young children generally come with, you know, and as a parent, remembering that times of and I only had one, yeah. So, you know, there's the challenge, you know, if you've got then three, yeah, that comes, that you've got all the other things, yeah. What we don't realise is the impact that those does have physiologically, and I think you, you know, really lovely kind of use the words flight or flight, and it is that, isn't it? We're in that kind of constant state of overload, and so is with an assumption that actually part of the symptoms you were going through were actually just living in this kind of this state, so even though you were doing that, but then there's a fuel we're going, or I've got this extra energy, I've got to then go and exercise more, yeah, which actually is reducing more and more the body's immune system.

SPEAKER_01 32:09

Yeah, and there was a there was a real lack of understanding around that at the time that um training, exercising is stress on the body, and you need to recover from that. And I feel like because I was getting some positive comments from people around me, you're looking great, you know, and I thought it was healthy, so you know, not doing anything wrong, yeah, yeah, yeah. But or everything that was going on in my life um was because I was so needy of external validation. Okay, you know, to be told that I looked good, to be told that I had a nice house, yeah, to be told that I was, you know, independent, to be told I was strong. Nile, you're show you're so strong, you know, you're such a brilliant parent with Andre, you and my ex, you know. You look after those children so well, they dress so beautifully, you know. Look at this, look at that. I needed to hear that for me to feel good about myself, and that's why I needed to keep that level of perfection, right, which is unattainable, you know, and that's why I never gave myself a break.

SPEAKER_00 33:20

Yeah. And I think this is why, you know, I really appreciate you sharing this story because I think it's it's something which a lot of people aren't honest about, you know, the fact that you uh you're honest saying, though, I I had this in me and now I know what was driving me to this, but actually what there was the perception of this is healthy actually is quite unhealthy, isn't it? And the fact of you know, we we actually only get stronger in recovery, yeah, isn't it? And actually there's an element of going, you know, if we're constantly always breaking our body down through mental or physical stress, well then how can the body recover? Yeah, and and actually then how do we come stronger mindset or physically, you know, anatomically, physiologically, whichever one you go in those moments, yeah. So if we could, it seems an appropriate kind of tangent, not tangent, but to kind of to move then into so certainly for your your journey, and um you know, I wish this was a two-hour podcast, not a one-hour kind of this moment of being gone. I'd really like to explore them more. I think then so you then kind of go in this transition, and then ultimately where you are now as a coach, and if you want to kind of talk around how you came into that, that would be cool as well for listeners. But you know, how do you then, when you're working with others, you know, help them kind of make that realisation? Because you've had that obviously that honest conversation with Ben those that's feel quite a pivotal moment for your realization, and then obviously going out to Cyprus and someone saying, Have you seen our you know, I've seen your blood work and what this is saying? So there's there seems to be pivotal, and and I'm sure there's others. How do you help, you know? And I know one of the things that you spend a lot of time working with is females predominantly. How do you then help, or what is the advice for people who are listening to this that are going, gosh, that's me? Yeah, I'm that person.

SPEAKER_01 35:21

Well that's a good question. I think you just need to understand that in life there's push and pull. Yeah, you can't push, push, push all the time. And when you're um like an A-type personality, for example, and you want to achieve could it makes you feel good, and it's great to have goals, and you know, and it's something that I've always got ongoing, you know, I'm always goal setting, I'm always manifesting. But you've got to realise that if you're pushing all the time, you're not in a state of creativity, and that's not where the energy is flowing and you feel at your best. So it's recognising when to pull back and give yourself a break. And I still struggle a little bit with that, I'm not gonna lie. I feel like it's a work in progress and it's something that I always but I've got the awareness now, and I've got I've got the history, so I can recognise it and snap myself out of it, you know, and go, I need to rest. What I'm very good at now is actually spending time on my own and very comfortable at spent with in my own company, and that's when I really feel like I get to recharge. And so when I speak to clients, it's sharing my journey, a very brief journey with them, you know, so that they can relate to me. Because I remember when I start first started coaching and I was still working in the modelling industry, and I was chatting to a model, and I said, these are my plans, and you know, I've transitioned into coaching now, and I want to make it my full-time role because I was still, you know, sort of juggling both as a makeup artist, and she's like, Let's have a look at your social media. And um, I said, you know, I'm sharing quite a lot about me. I still I'm not fully open, but I'm sharing about my my journey because I feel like I'm relatable, yeah, especially at my age. She went, Naila, you're not, and I said, What do you mean? And she meant it in the nicest way. She said, 50-year-old women don't look like you. Okay, they don't look like you and relate to you, so you're gonna have to work a bit harder to be relatable. And I remember thinking, Oh, Christ, because I was still quite um anxious about opening up fully, you know. I shared a little bit about having an autistic child. My other two actually are on the spectrum as well, we found out in later life, and I'd um touched on sort of having gone through divorce, but you know, my age and stuff like that, I'd kind of held back because everyone's always assumed that that I'm a lot younger than what I am, and it's not like a dirty secret, but women kind of don't really talk about their age too much, you know what I mean? And that's because society actually has this impression that it puts out there that after 40, really, you're kind of a bit washed up, you know what I mean. Things are changing, yeah. I'm pleased to say, but certainly when I was younger, that wasn't the case, and um there weren't really many role models to look up to that were like fit and strong and aspirational, or even you know, in like the medium and stuff, um in sort of midlife. So when I celebrated my 50th birthday last year, I decided to be really open about it, and uh, we did this whole launch with the coaching, like I did big competition and stuff, and let me tell you, when I declared my age, I felt like this massive like um tension had been lifted, and I felt so authentic. And I did this photo shoot, and I was like, you know what I mean? And I was really loving it, and I thought I'm gonna do more of this, be authentic, totally like pull back all the layers, let people see all my imperfections. Um, and I feel like that is what helps me connect with my female clients because um they're one of the first people normally they speak to Clint first um because we're in business together, and then um they will have seen some of my story probably on social media because I put a lot of energy into my Instagram, and then I think when we get to chat one-on-one on the onboarding call, that is when they realise how relatable I am, that I've been through divorce, that I've got children, you know, teenagers now, that you know, the special needs autism element. Um, you know, I've had issues with my health that I've overcome. Um, you know, I've come from a background of having very low confidence and low self-esteem, and how I've turned that around now. And you know, this at the age of 50, I'm the strongest, healthiest, happiest version of me that I've ever been. And I feel like if that doesn't inspire a female, then I don't know what will, you know what I mean? Because I'm not saying, hey, look at me, I'm amazing. I'm not saying that. I'm saying I've worked really hard to get to this place where I am now, and I'm proud of who I am. And I feel like a lot of females that I speak to and that I coach, they're from all different walks of life. Some have got experience, you know, in the gym, and maybe have just lost the mojo when they've sort of devoted themselves to the family and the career. Some have come from a place where no experience whatsoever, and they may have been overweight their whole lives. But I feel like the common thread is um self-limiting beliefs.

SPEAKER_02 41:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 41:18

And so it's my job, I feel, to help them realise the potential that they've got.

SPEAKER_02 41:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:24

And so when we start, they might just have a really simple fat loss goal, you know?

SPEAKER_02 41:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:31

But I love when I keep somebody on for six months or more, how it's led them on a completely different path, and they're doing things that they never in a million years thought they would do. Absolutely. And that is what gives me the best reward. And because um I feel like that's now my purpose. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 41:54

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:55

After having several careers, um, that's my purpose. That that fuels me to want to be better for me to grow and develop my mindset, because it's not just me being, oh, I'm really self-indulgent and it's all about me. It's because like the better I am, the better I can be as a coach, as a mother, as a partner, and and so on.

SPEAKER_00 42:19

And I resonate with that so much because that is, you know, there's a few things I'll share, but just because I feel it's uh well, it was what's going on for me, because it resonated with me. It was interesting when you were saying how this need for looking at other people, and I I I certainly think I was with that itself, and I always say that one of the things that and I'm still working out when, so I usually so I can't tell you when, but this thing of just becoming comfortable with self, which I know I know you said a lot of women, I think an awful lot of men as well. I think it is a human thing, and and and you know, and certainly the more and more we look into and the more and more I have conversations, and I'm very privileged to have these conversations with people where I think a lot of us are holding on to some of these self-limited beliefs, and I think that if we can spend some time to explore ourselves and come to the point where we're not perfect, and I think you you know you've said a few times that perfection doesn't exist, and you're kind of learning to accept that that we are all a working progress, yeah, but we accept that, and that the fact that actually that if we become you know, your your response when you said when I went, Oh my gosh, I said I was 50, I did a photo shoot, I looked dead happy, and I felt the this weight of lifted. Your energy levels and your smile was probably was huge then, so you still relive in that moment, yeah. But it felt even just from here, and the first time me hearing that story, you felt freer.

SPEAKER_01 43:52

Oh, so free. You've hit the nail on the head. That's exactly how I felt. I was like, how could I Imagine, you know, someone who's gay that comes out the closet that can finally be themselves. That's how I felt.

SPEAKER_00 44:06

It's incredible. And and but that's the and I think it's a lovely place to be from to help others because you know I think when you're when you become comfortable self, and it's like, you know, I what the relatable bit for me was I'm really cool with not everybody might be, but with my own flaws, and I'm very comfortable holding my hand up and saying, Yeah, I'm not very good at that, I'm not very good at that, but I'm aware of it and I'm a work in progress. Yeah, but because I'm content, like you've said, that you know, I feel like I'm a better coach because actually I'm coming from a place of comfort, yeah. Whereas I think if sometimes, and again, this is a personal opinion and it so it's and um is that I think there are people that are still working through themselves, so there's a level of judgment that we put then on others. Whereas I think if you become comfortable with yourself, I feel like you're less judgmental, and I think then as a coach, you've actually more you're a better understanding of others, which then makes you more valuable, doesn't it? 100%.

SPEAKER_01 45:08

Um, but what just going back to what you said about feeling free, it was that moment when I realised that I didn't need the external validation. I was gonna ask you that, yeah. And I didn't care about judgment. Yeah, I love that. I did not care anymore. And the amount of support I got, you know, it was very nice people saying, Oh, we didn't know that you were 50, we thought you were younger. Who doesn't love to hear that? You know, it's me, not gonna lie, but I didn't care anymore. Okay. Because I'm just comfortable in my own skin now. Lovely, you know. Um, and sorry, what else did you say?

SPEAKER_00 45:46

You know, I think it was just I think for me, I was actually gonna that question was ringing in my head of going, where are you now with that? And it, you know, has that has that kind of that let's call it that chapter or that part of you that was that obviously you held on to a long period of time. Yeah, has that I don't think we ever lose it, do we? But again, is it is it quieter, is it a lot less?

SPEAKER_01 46:10

Well, I'm gonna just gonna briefly talk about my mum. Okay, because uh my mum was uh the example of that that kind of a female that never liked to reveal her age. Okay, she's very glamorous and beautiful, but she always put herself down a whole life and nitpicked at herself. And I remember thinking, oh, this is tedious, I have to listen to this again. No, mum, you look amazing. No, mum, you do that suits you that colour, you know, to me. And I thought I cannot be like that, you know. So if anything, she did me a favour because as I got into my twenties and so on, I started talking to myself positively. Yeah, you know, I remembered what my mum was like when I was growing up, and she used to drive me mad. And so, you know, the way you speak about yourself is so important. Um because everything's on a frequency, and if we're putting out negative talk and never negative emotions about ourselves, we're attracting more of the same. Yeah, and so that was a conscious decision I made, but then also my mum bless her, she's she had so many amazing like um personality traits, and she was, you know, a fantastic woman and my best friend. And about a month before my 50th birthday, she passed away suddenly out of the blue, no warning. So it's coming up to her anniversary of her death on the 1st of April this year, and I was shocked to the core, but as sad as it was at the time, I managed to process the grief quite quickly within a couple of weeks, which is something I've never been able to do before. And one of the reasons I was able to cope with her death was because I remember her saying, Naila, I never want to be a burden on anyone. And she was such a proud woman of the way she looked, and she always, you know, her role in life was to look after everybody, and she always ran round and she was always feeding people and pouring brandy down the neck and entertaining the people in Cyprus at the villa. And you know, you'd go and stay there and it'd be like a hotel, and that was her pleasure in life, looking after other people. So I remember thinking this is the way you wanted to go out, mum, you know what I mean? While you were still fit, outwardly looking, we don't know still the cause of death, um, still beautiful, still enjoying life, you know. You just wanted to exit like that, and that brings me a lot of comfort. And um when she passed away, the weather was beautiful like it is now for the whole of April. I remember doing these canal walks near where I live every day as a way of like just processing the grief, and I'd have these incredible moments where the sunlight would be so intense, and it was a beautiful part of the world where I live, and the sunlight would be so intense, and it'd be shining down on me. And I literally felt like this beam of light penetrated into me, and like my heart burst open, and I felt like I took on all of her love and all of her energy, and that happened several times over the course of the month. So by the time I went to Cyprus for a funeral, yeah, it was a very sad day, but I was extremely surprised at how positive and how strong I've been, and it was a different mindset, it wasn't the mindset that I had before where I was putting up a front and being an actress, yeah, it was just a sense of feeling whole, feeling secure instead of insecure, feeling complete and needy, just feeling like I know that I can get through anything. Do you know what I mean? And I felt my mum was with me the whole time, and so um I've gone off on a tangent again. Um, so yeah, my mum never told anyone about her age. She used to say, if you get me a card with 60 on, I'm putting it in the bin, you know to me. But she was like my biggest supporter, she was like my biggest cheerleader, and she's just proud of everything that I did. So when I came back from Cyprus from her um funeral, the day after I had that photo shoot, that's it, that's why it was on my mind. Had that photo shoot already planned, and I didn't know whether to pull out because you know, my feet my physique was out. Um, I'd obviously not trained as regularly. I'd still kept my bottom standards, you know, eating clean and drinking water and stuff. But I remember thinking I'm not as lean as I would have liked to have been for the shoot. Should I pull out? And then do people think that I might be celebrating too early when my mum's just passed away? And then I thought, no, Nyla, you know yourself and you know what your mum would have wanted, so don't worry about anybody else's judgment. Go and do the shooting. I'm so pleased that I did because for me, like turning 50, I'd already made a decision that I was going to embrace it, I was gonna have the best year of my life, I'd set all these goals, and I know my mum would not want for me to compromise on any of that, and I felt like she was with me the whole journey, so well, firstly, sorry to about your mum and secondly, I think what a lovely way to remember.

SPEAKER_00 51:59

No, you know that I love that story, and it really resonated. You know, there was a part of you when I when listening to you when you were saying the you know that almost the sunlight was coming into you, and you know it's quite a vivid memory that you were reliving there, wasn't it? And I think it's you know it's it's really quite a powerful thing to hold on to. But I actually felt you almost becoming strong as you were telling the story as well, which was which was a nice energy shift, which I just I picked up on. So I appreciate you sharing that. So with where you are now, because uh you know it's an incredible journey, isn't it? You know, and I think it's an incredible story, and you know, and and I get the you know, it's nice that it's interesting that someone said to you no one would make no one would be relatable, but actually what you've kind of I think shown over the last 50 minutes or so is how relatable you really are. And I think there's lots of people going to be listening to this. I think a lot of female will will be relatable. I think there's a lot of men that still have those beliefs and have gone through some you know, some times of their lives of difficulty, and especially that internal voice and that self-critic and all the stuff that goes with that negative well, not a negative mindset, but maybe a fixed mindset of going, Oh, I am who I am, I'm never gonna be able to change. Yeah, and I get the impression that part of that you've moved into this kind of growth mindset, and I like the fact that you used the word choice. You said, you know, I had a choice, I don't want to be like that, so I can choose to be. Whereas I think there are people out there that sometimes said, Oh, well, my parents were like this, so I have to be like this because I've learned that. Yeah, whereas actually, what you've you know, what I loved about what you were saying was going, well, my mum never wanted to celebrate her age, even though she was dead glamorous and was lovely and brilliant and really strong. So I'm gonna go, well, I want to do this because I think it's you know, I I I could be that person. And your mum sounds wonderful. The fact that she put Brandy down people's neck, and not the fact that was the only thing that I picked up on, but I just thought she found she sounded wonderful, and you know, and the fact that you've then taken that part of her or you feel they've taken that part of her internally, although that you've gone, well, I'm not actually my mum, and I can actually choose to celebrate my age, and the fact that you did go and do that photo shoot. Yeah. So, how then you know, moving into kind of some of the advice if you if you feel comfortable, kind of like you know, thinking about you know, that the coach part of you, and you know, people listening to this who are maybe, like you said, kind of maybe still having those internal conversations and having so limited beliefs and maybe not maybe feeling a bit less good about themselves. What would you know what kind of challenges do people come to you with that you help them overcome?

SPEAKER_01 54:51

Oh gosh, all sorts of challenges. Um, everyone's so unique. Um, some people come from a background where they've had addiction and they're just getting over addiction. So addictions can be all sorts, you know, drink, um, alcohol being the main one, drugs, um gambling, you know, anything like that, um porn addiction, all sorts, all sorts. Um, some people food addiction, yeah, you know. Um and they probably tried everything. They feel like they've tried everything, and they're at the point where they've kind of given up. And I feel like the difference with our coaching brand is that we work so closely with our clients one-to-one, and we put so much energy into the mindset training. Yeah, because like at the start of this podcast, when I said everything starts and begins, everything starts and ends with your mindset.

SPEAKER_02 55:53

Agree.

SPEAKER_01 55:54

And so we hold these um live events. Um we've done three now.

SPEAKER_02 56:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:01

Uh the first one, 25 people. I've never been so terrified in my life. Standing up and sharing my um pearls of wisdom, my story. Um, then the second one was 50 people, and then the most recent one in February was 100 over 100, I think it's about 110, 20, something like that. And uh, we put so much energy into it because we're so passionate about it. Um, you know, we could just give someone a diet plan, you know, tell them this is your nutrition plan, give someone a training plan. There you go, 12 weeks off your pot, come back and transform for us. It's not gonna happen. People need a lot more support and guidance than that. And, you know, the health and fitness space, it's really confusing. So they will have already done Weight Watchers and all these different, you know, diets. Maybe they've tried keto and you know, paleo and all sorts, but they've not stuck with it, or they've done a certain amount of time and then they're back to square one. So it's really about making them understand that in order to build healthy habits, we need to change some of the um, we need to put in new strategies. So it's quite easy for some people, you know, they'll be like open to it and um they're very receptive, you know. You can give them the the advice and they'll take it on board, but there's a there's a good portion of people that will really struggle with it also, and so we need to dive a bit deeper into where is the where's a problem coming from. Yeah so say for example it's comfort eating, there's there's a reason why the comfort eating, so it's going deep into their history and unpicking that and finding out where that's coming from, or the same with you know, like if it's with alcohol, because you know, you don't just stop drinking, yeah, there's gonna be days when you relapse, and with comfort eating, there's gonna be days when you relapse. So it's about providing the techniques to help them cope with situations that normally make them fall back into negative old habits, and then you know, building on that um belief system that you know your circumstances don't define you, you know, we're all open to change, and so I find it really, really rewarding and really exciting. I get that vibe, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 58:40

I definitely get that vibe. So just kind of trying to tie it all up for the listeners. What three practical things could people try today?

SPEAKER_01 58:48

Well, they could definitely um work on their morning routine because I feel like that sets you up for a successful day. So, you know, setting your alarm a bit earlier, um, going out in nature, having a walk. Yeah, that primes you for the day. I feel like you can sort of process everything, you know, what what you've got planned. Um, it sets you up for um some positivity, you know. Um, I really connect with nature personally, so it's something that I always ask my clients to do. Um, you know, it doesn't quite cut it if you go into the gym and just walking on the treadmill. So get out in nature, get that vitamin D in your eyes, you know, absorb all of that. Even on a cloudy day, you'll still get the benefits. Positive affirmations are a big one, right? So, you know, I mentioned the way you speak about yourself is really important. Yeah, so many of our subconscious thoughts are negative thoughts. Yeah, so if you'll consciously start, you know, with maybe like three or four positive affirmations, I am always I am, because you're retraining your brain, and there's a lot of people that struggle with that, yeah, you know. So build that up. It's like flexing your muscle in the gym for your mind instead. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. Practicing gratitude, massive. This for me was a game changer. I feel like that was one of the first things that I did that sort of like it was um an identity builder for me, you know. Just being grateful for your coffee in the morning, having fuel for your car to drive to work, be grateful for your family, for waking up and being able to breathe, you know, for having the luxury of going to a supermarket and putting food on the table for your family. All those simple things, you know, in the winter, I can put the heating on. There's always something to be grateful for. When you start being grateful for the little things, then life becomes so much just more beautiful, really. You see it for what it is, it sounds corny, but you think life is really beautiful. Otherwise, you're always striving for things that are maybe materialistic, you know, putting your energy into the wrong areas. So walking in nature, gratitude, and um positive affirmations would be my main three, but there's loads of other tools also.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:24

One principle you wish every leader understood. So I know you work with some quite CEOs and some active people. Is there anything or any we could substitute that for substitute that for any anyone understood? So what's the one thing like clients that you work with that everyone understood?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:49

There's no end line, there's no finish line that we're always evolving and learning and growing, and to stop focusing too much on the future and to really just try and be in the present moment. Because you know, the past is the past, we don't know what's gonna happen in the future. Yeah, if you're worrying about the past, you're depressed, if you're always thinking about the future, you're in anxiety. So just try and stop and appreciate the moment and what's going on in life right now, yeah. And just be grateful for what you have.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:31

Yeah, I love that. Um Richmond Stanton, who was one of the pain coaches, was one of the guys on our podcast. That's almost word for word, he was it was like, yeah, literally just just be a there is only the present. Yeah, the future doesn't exist yet, and the past you can't nothing about, so there is only the present. So I think that's I love that. Really good. So we've had some real there's been loads of insights in this, and this is one I'm gonna have to listen back to again and just kind of pick pick through them. But from what you've said, what actions or what insights have people got that what actions can people start today? Or what you know, what would be what actions would you? I mean, there's walking in nature, we might have already covered a lot of them.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:16

Is there anything else that you think that well if it's about feeling good, yeah, then I feel like something that people can do, all the things that are good for you free in my mind.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:27

Yeah, yeah, that's a lovely way to put it, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:30

So um I think people get so busy in life that they forget to sit down and just maybe not only appreciate what they've got, but also to get real with themselves and ask themselves what do they want out of life? Because as we get older and become really responsible, we forget to dream. Okay, you know what I mean? We become too practical. Okay, so it's probably been a long time for the majority of people, they they can go for years and years about actually having that honest conversation, conversation with themselves. What do I want out of life? What's my dream? What will make me happy? Because they're so bothered about paying the mortgage, you know, and things like that. And I think if I ask most people, they would struggle to answer that. Okay, that's a nice little so get honest with yourself. What do you want out of life, and then just start planning for it, taking little daily steps, building habits to move you in the right direction to where you want to be.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:42

Love that for people listening. Where can they follow you?

SPEAKER_01 1:04:47

Because so um I've got Instagram, I'm not really active on TikTok. So at HealthyBy Nyla on Instagram and also um ActivePhysiques as well. I'll put the links at the bottom of this.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:02

Is there anything you're working on next? Any more events or anything that you're doing?

SPEAKER_01 1:05:06

Yeah, we've got some really exciting things coming up actually. Um, when we get back from Texas, um we're going to be planning for our first Active Physiques retreat.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:17

Awesome, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:18

So that's going to be in Marbella. Um, and we're going to be blending a lot of what we've been talking about today. So it's going to be some mindset training, there's going to be like healthy nutrition stuff, there's going to be some training, there's going to be sunset hikes, there's going to be um yoga, you know, it's just mind, body, soul blending it all together and really just giving an opportunity for people to relax, um, self reflect and do some goal setting.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:53

Sounds awesome. So that the so if they follow you and if they're interested in that, they'll be able to find that. Yes. Great. So just to wrap it up, it's been an amazing conversation. So thank you very, very much. Is there any anything else you want to share with the audience, or any final challenge you want to set people just as the last thought to go away with?

SPEAKER_01 1:06:15

I just want to speak to females and say your age does not define you and your circumstances that do not define you. You can literally achieve anything you want. You just need to get clear on what it is that you want out of life and forget anybody else's judgment, make yourself happy, follow, I'd say follow your gut always. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:43

Thank you very much. That's been lovely. Thank you very much. And so, listeners, thank you ever so much for listening. Um, and please do make sure that you follow us on Apple, Spotify, and YouTube just to make sure that you always get the latest updates. So, thank you very much for your time. It's been a pleasure. Thank you.