Inside the Teen Mind
Inside the Teen Mind is designed for parents, educators, and anyone who cares about teens. Together, we’ll explore the emotional and social world of adolescents—what drives their behavior, how they think, and how we can better support them through the ups and downs of growing up.
Inside the Teen Mind
Episode 8: The Double-Edged Scroll-Social Media and Mental Health
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Parents hear a lot about limiting screen time, but what if the more important question is how social media makes your teen feel?
In our upcoming episode of Inside the Teen Mind, Dr. Lisa Konick and Amanda McMillen move beyond the headlines to explore the emotional experiences happening behind the screen. Rather than labeling social media as simply "good" or "bad," they examine the different ways teens engage online—and how those patterns can shape confidence, relationships, identity, and mental health. Research suggests that the emotional impact of social media depends not just on how much teens use it, but how they use it.
Social media isn't inherently good or bad—but the way teens experience it can have a powerful impact on their emotional well-being.
Read the Blog! In our companion blog, Scrolling Through Adolescence: Understanding the Emotional Impact of Social Media on Teen Mental Health, we explore why the conversation needs to move beyond screen time and focus on what teens are actually experiencing online. You'll learn how different patterns of social media use can influence self-esteem, anxiety, relationships, identity development, and emotional regulation—and what parents can do to support healthier digital habits.
Whether you're wondering if your teen's scrolling is helping them connect or quietly affecting their mental health, this blog offers practical, research-informed guidance to help you recognize the signs and start meaningful conversations.
➡️ Read the blog here: Scrolling Through Adolescence: Understanding the Emotional Impact of Social Media on Teen Mental Health
About Us: Inside the Teen Mind is hosted by Dr. Lisa Konick, Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Founder of Konick and Associates, and Amanda McMillen, LCSW, Executive Director of the Alive Center.
Together, they bring a compassionate, real-world perspective to understanding adolescent development, mental health, and the systems that shape teen lives. Through clinical expertise, social work insight, and a shared commitment to supporting teens and the adults who care for them, Lisa and Amanda aim to equip listeners with clarity, empathy, and practical tools to help teens thrive.
Welcome back to Inside the Teen Mind, the podcast where we explore the emotional, social, and psychological experiences shaping today's adolescence and help parents, caregivers, educators, and professionals better understand the teen perspective. I'm Amanda McMillan, Executive Director of the Alive Center, a teen-led, teen-driven nonprofit focused on creating connection, belonging, mentorship, and emotional support for young people in our community.
SPEAKER_00And I'm Dr. Lisa Conick, clinical psychologist and founder of Conick and Associates. Our practice provides therapy and psychological assessment services for children, teens, and families, and a large part of our work involves helping families navigate the emotional and behavioral impact technology and social media are having on adolescents today. In this episode, we are exploring the impact of social media on teen mental health.
SPEAKER_03And honestly, this topic comes up constantly now. It's all over the news and schools and uh policy and lawmaking and families and therapy sessions, even at the Alive Center programming. Parents are overwhelmed trying to figure out how concerned they should be. Teens feel misunderstood, and many adults feel like they're trying to parent a world that changes faster than they can keep up with. I have no idea what my kids are saying most of the time.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely, Amanda.
SPEAKER_03TikTok language.
SPEAKER_00Right, right. I think many parents are feeling stuck between two extremes here. On one side, they're hearing messages that social media is completely dangerous and harmful. On the other side, they hear that this is just how kids socialize now. And we get this question a lot. Most families are trying to figure out what healthy balance actually looks like in real life.
SPEAKER_03And that's why we wanted this episode to be a little different from the typical screen time is bad conversation.
SPEAKER_00Exactly. Most discussions focus almost entirely on how much time teens are spending online. But clinically, what we are paying attention to is what's happening emotionally when they're online and how do they feel afterwards.
SPEAKER_03Now that is the key, really, is how are they using it and how is it affecting them? Because for teens, social media isn't just entertainment anymore. It's a matter of connection.
SPEAKER_00It's it's actually a major developmental environment, right? It's where friendships are maintained, where social status is measured, like actually measured, where identity can be explored, where exclusion can happen, and where validation is sought. And then a lot of emotional experiences are unfolding in real time.
SPEAKER_03And the statistics really reflect how deeply integrated social media has become in adolescent life. Recent Pew research found that nearly half of teens say they are online almost constantly.
SPEAKER_00And parents might agree with that too.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um and what's really important is that the teens themselves are increasingly recognizing the emotional impact. About 48% of teens report that social media has a mostly negative effect on people their age, even while they're continuing to use it pretty heavily.
SPEAKER_03Which really highlights how complicated this is. Social media can feel both connecting and emotionally exhausting at the same time. To me, if they're on it most of the time, it just means that they're unable to disconnect. Yes.
SPEAKER_00And what are they missing? Right. Right? And and this isn't simply good or bad in terms of our conversation today. Social media is often meeting very real developmental and emotional needs, but it's also creating significant emotional strain. And I think we could say this, you know, as adults as well. So if we reflect on our own ways of using it, we can really relate to our kids are doing it even more. Right.
SPEAKER_03And I think it's important to reframe for adults uh listening that parents often look at a phone and see content or a game.
SPEAKER_00But teens experience relationships through these platforms. Right. Adults might think, why don't they just turn this off? Right? But for many teens, disconnecting can be very socially risky. There's anxiety about missing something, about being excluded, about losing their streaks, which is meaningful to them, even though we don't get it. Um, missing out on group conversations and not knowing what everyone else is talking about the next day in school.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. I'm gonna be honest, I know about a streak. These games are super addictive, and I do not want to lose my streaks on Duolingo and other things like that, you know? Um and because this generation has grown up digitally connected, online interaction often feels just as emotionally real as in-person interaction and very normal.
SPEAKER_00For the for our for our youth, absolutely. Yes, and sometimes maybe even more intense, honestly, especially with group chats and social visibility happening 24-7. If you think about back in the day, um previous generations had separation between home and school. Right. Um, and now social dynamics follow teens everywhere. They they cannot disconnect, it's following them into their homes where normally you would feel safe and able to disconnect from any stress that happened in the school day.
SPEAKER_03Right, absolutely. And the platforms themselves, right, the the tech uh companies are designing these apps to keep this from uh keep this happening. You know, um at the core, we all want to feel connected. And that's what social media promises is that you will be connected. We all want friends. What do you call a person that you're connected to on these social media platforms? A friend. Absolutely. Right? Yes, even if you've never met them. Right, you know, and so getting value of like so many people seeing your content, liking your content, um, making comments on your content really is a way for teens to kind of um I call them key performance indicators, you know, KPIs of like how am I um being popular? Or do people like me? Do they like what I'm putting out there? You know, so it it kind of like is really emotionally manipulative in a way.
SPEAKER_00It absolutely is, because if you think about we're quantifying popularity, right? And you know, I think this is a very important part of the conversation, Amanda, because social media companies are not neutral. No, they get money. Yes, these platforms, and I'm not I I guess we we are kind of coming across somewhat negatively here, but these platforms are intentionally engineered to capture and hold attention because attention generates profit. So we we really do need to keep this in mind.
SPEAKER_03I just want to say, okay, what is one of the most popular sayings about time as an adult, right? Time is money, right? Where and it's limited, right? We all have a same amount of time, 24 hours in a day. We have a little pie of our day. And so the social media, the more they can draw you in, the more they can get you to look at their content, to keep doom scrolling, to um, you know, s uh check in on a regular basis, that is money because they are getting your attention and your time, right?
SPEAKER_00So think about that. And I also think from an emotional standpoint, we think about emotion uh notification streaks, badges, algorithmic feeds as features designed to create a dopamine-driven engagement loop. So it there's a neurochemical component, and these social media feeds are rewarding for repeated checking behaviors, and they're creating creating urgency around staying connected. So, I mean, this is kind of our educational social media 101 for you today. Right.
SPEAKER_03And teens are especially vulnerable to that because adolescent brains are still developing, and these algorithms are designed to have commercials set to what you are interested in, what you click on. And so there's often a lot of uh, you know, every other uh thing on TikTok or YouTube is a commercial catered to things that you actually want because they know your algorithm of what you like.
SPEAKER_00Yes, and I think adolescents are are typically neurologically more sensitive to peer approval. So that that um they're they're more sensitive to novelty, reward, and social feedback. So when you combine a developing brain with platforms specifically designed to maximize engagement, it's going to create a very powerful pull for our team. Absolutely, yeah. I mean, even as adults, we struggle with this um too. Yeah, this is not just a teen issue. So most adults listening have probably experienced picking up their phone for one thing and then suddenly realizing that 45 minutes disappeared. Mm-hmm. Or feeling mentally exhausted after scrolling without even realizing why. Exactly. And the research shows that some teens receive over 200 notifications a day, and after interruptions, it can take nearly 20 minutes to fully regain focus. Absolutely. So just as my my my uh my plug here is we work on that executive functioning with study time because that's a big factor for distraction.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, which means uh, you know, many teens and adults living in a near constant state of distraction and uh partial attention is really what's happening.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Um I know that when I when when my kids are studying and they need to finish something, I'll take their phone away and often just put it right next to me. And I will not believe how many ding, ding, ding, ding, ding from all kinds of notifications that they're getting. I can't, I'm like, how can they possibly get through something without looking at their phone every five seconds? Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And it's a it's a there is, like we said, that urgency factor that has been kind of programmed into that. So um and and also when we think about staying in that state all day long, how that might affect emotion regulation, sleep, attention, relationships, productivity, and our ability to be fully present with other people. I mean, Amanda, how many times have you been in a let's let's take a visual here of maybe a restaurant? Sure. And you're with your family. And when you look around, we see so many people that are sitting with another person, focusing both of them on their phones most of the time.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. I mean, and and so to me, the technology companies are really winning here. You know what I mean? Even when you're sitting face to face with your family or with someone else, you'd rather be on your phone. You know? It it's it's quite a phenomenon, I think.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it it kind of is a good wake up to like let's kind of take a pause here and see how we want to manage this. So I think today we really want to move beyond fear-based conversations. We've given you a little education here, but we want to help parents understand why teens are so drawn to social media and what emotional needs it may be meeting, and then how adults can respond in ways that create more connection with less conflict.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely. Yeah, because the goal isn't simply just to take the phones away. The goal is to help teens build awareness, balance, resilience, and healthier relationships with technology over time. I agree. So should we take a break here? Yeah, let's take a break and we'll come back and I have a little exercise for us. Some fun.
SPEAKER_00All right. Coming up next.
SPEAKER_03All right. Welcome back from the break. Okay, Lisa, here's my exercise for you. I'd like you to take out your phone, please. Okay, I've got mine too. Okay. And I want you to open up your settings. Can we invite others to do this please? I I hope that you're doing this with us, okay? So go to your settings. As long as you're not driving. Correct. Right? Maybe when you go.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And I want you to open up your screen time. Okay. Okay. If you don't know where it is, you can just search it up. And I want you to click on the screen time and go to the week. It says day or week, okay? Now, what is your daily average for screen time?
SPEAKER_00My daily average is four hours and thirty eight minutes, which is down 28% from last week. Oh wow, good for you. But it is only Tuesday.
SPEAKER_03Yes. Well, mine is two hours and eighteen minutes. Um and then if you look down at uh in the total screen time I have is six hours and fifty-five minutes. Now, here then in right below it says, okay, so games, I spent two hours and thirty minutes. For social media, one hour and nine minutes, and for entertainment, 36 minutes. How about you?
SPEAKER_00Mine is my highest categories are social. Okay. Social media. I I'm guilty of the algorithms. Yeah. I've got Facebook and LinkedIn to be in the top, and then messages. I must text a lot.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Well, you must, I bet you use that for um your work though, right?
SPEAKER_00I do use it for work. But you know what? Here's the interesting thing. I do use my social media to advertise things for work. We do would do a lot of educational blogs and things. However, what happens when you're in there, right? Is you get sucked in.
SPEAKER_03Right, right, absolutely.
SPEAKER_00And then you start to scroll.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_00And then I find myself scrolling, which is something that I'm really working on.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, every time I update our uh agency um social media, I get into that too, you know, and it's hard. I'm like, okay, I have to stop. Um my number one is Monopoly Go. It is a very stupid game that is very much kind of like a slot machine game where it just even plays itself, but I just get addicted to getting those points and those, you know, every week, every day you get extra um things. So, you know, I'm just as uh it just really depends on kind of what you are using your your phone for.
SPEAKER_00And this is kind of something I want to say. Please don't judge yourselves when you're doing this because we're not trying to shame anybody. We want you to have awareness, and it might be very interesting to do this with your teen if you can be more educational about it. Because I'm looking at my average for the week, um, and I am a little ashamed. It's 13 hours and 54 minutes, almost 14 hours for the week. And Amanda's was six, so she's about 50%, so she's doing a lot better.
SPEAKER_03But that's because I literally gave up social media. Like I don't check social media anymore because it wasn't good for my mental health. Um, and I haven't checked, I I haven't been on social media for about six months now, just very uh, you know, check in here and there mostly for work. Um so I just use it for winding down uh usually for the day. But um one of the things that you could do, right? And we talked about some tips uh for the teens is thinking about hey, take that time, okay, and uh so how much uh how many hours so there's um so let's say we're averaging two hours a day times seven days. That's 14 hours a week, right? Then you take that um times 52, and that would be how many um hours a m year that you're spending on the phone. So let me see. I'm just gonna do that. So 52 times um two times seven. Uh that's 728 hours in a year that I'm spending on my phone, and that's only two hours a day.
SPEAKER_00That's that's intense. So I think this might be very eye-opening because I think what's interesting is uh many adults are struggling with the exact same pool that their devi with their devices that their kids are are using it for too, right? So I think this is a really good starting point for having conversation around this from an educational perspective with your team.
SPEAKER_03Right. And realizing that we're all human, and then we can challenge each other, right? You know, maybe you can have a weekly challenge of, hey, you know what, um, like you just said, I went down uh 28% from the previous from last week, right? Right.
SPEAKER_00So let's make that a goal. It's how much time do we want to cut down?
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Or as a family, how uh let's have our average be, you know, like three hours a day versus six or whatever.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think that's great. Um and I think also when we think about your exercise, um Amanda, you kind of almost did like a time pie. Yeah. How many hours are in a day, how many hours in a year, how many hours are we spending? And then what do we want to do if we were uh do we have time, enough time for the things that matter? Right. Right? And that's a kind of reflective. If you have 700 hours uh a year that you're you're spending on social media, are you doing the things you want? Because you get can you give some of that up?
SPEAKER_03Right. Well, if you think about um, you know, 24 hours in a day, right? Uh if you're lucky, you spend eight hours a day sleeping, and I usually spend about eight hours a day at work. So that's literally 16 hours of my 24 hours are doing things that you know I have to do. So what am I uh and I'm not usually on my phone during those times. Correct. Right? So then if I were to replace that 700 plus hours in that year, um, what else could I be doing?
SPEAKER_02Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_03You know, that's part of it. It's like, do I feel like am I giving time to my hobbies? Am I um taking am I working out and taking good care of my health? Am I, you know, doing meditation or journaling and taking time for spiritual? Those are all things that help foster positive mental health. And my phone can sometimes make it replace, so I'm not doing those things that keep me emotionally healthy. And that's could be the same thing for your teen.
SPEAKER_00Well, and you know, as you mentioned this, I want to break it down a little bit more, Amanda, for you with numbers. Because I think, you know, as you mentioned, 16 hours is spent at work or school or sleep, uh-huh. Which kind of gives us about eight hours left. Yeah. If your teen is spending six or eight hours on their phone, they don't have any time left. What's they're sacrificing school or sleep?
SPEAKER_01Sleep.
SPEAKER_00Right? Which is now developing an unhealthy uh pattern of how are you gonna function effectively if you're spending that much time on a screen. And can we adjust that downward so that we have more time for other things?
SPEAKER_03So the intention of this exercise, if you're able to do with yourself or with your teen, is to just kind of like raise awareness about what where you're spending your time. Your precious time is money, right? And um, are you using it for things that uh fill you up or are you giving it to the technology companies?
SPEAKER_00Right, right. So hopefully that was helpful for all all of you, and that um we can do this with our kids. I'm gonna do it with my kiddo when we get home.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, great.
SPEAKER_00All right, so let's talk a little bit more about um how else we can reframe Amanda.
SPEAKER_03One of the biggest reframes we uh want parents to walk away with us today is understanding social media as an emotional ecosystem, not just a behavior.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and I think that changes the conversation significantly. If parents are only focusing on limiting time, they're gonna miss the emotional function that social media is having for their teen.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, for some teens it really is connection. Um, you know, oftentimes I'll see my kids uh playing on devices parallel to their other friends, but they're all playing the same game, right? Yes. And they're laughing and they're talking and they're interacting through their devices. And to me, that's still a connection. Yes, it is. Right. Um but for others it can be a real distraction. Um and you know, so you just have to really kind of understand how are they using it. And as parents, we need to listen to understand.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and I think they're also using it for like for validation for belonging um or escape. Right. Um they may be exploring their identity or they're avoiding uncomfortable emotions. So these are all things I think we want to think about as we think about the function of social media, and it could be different times of the day, it doesn't have to be one or the other for any particular person.
SPEAKER_03Right. And I think parents are sometimes surprised to hear that social media can genuinely function as an emotion regulation tool for teens.
SPEAKER_00That's a good point. Um teens can scroll to numb stress. They may be doing it to reduce loneliness, avoid anxiety. I know people I'll do it myself to distract from boredom, um, or feeling temporarily connected if they're struggling socially.
SPEAKER_03Right. Especially, you know, if they're struggling offline and they're having a hard time finding a community that they connect with. Um, it's so easy to find that on social media so that they're able to feel like they're part of something bigger. They're not alone.
SPEAKER_00Actually, refer research kind of reflects that, Amanda. About 74% of teens report that social media helps them feel more connected to friends, and over half say that it helps them feel supported during difficult times. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Which helps explain why it's not realistic to simply say, just get rid of it. Right. For many teens, these platforms genuinely feel tied to belonging and connection.
SPEAKER_00I think at the same time, nearly 40% of teens say that social media leaves them feeling overwhelmed by drama, and about one-third report feeling excluded online. And more than one in four say that it makes them feel worse about their own lives. These are concerning statistics.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and those emotional highs and lows can happen within minutes of each other. Yes.
SPEAKER_00And I think people parents are gonna see the phone itself as the issue. But I think when many times the deeper question is what emotional need again is this meeting for my teen right now?
SPEAKER_03Right. And I think the real trick is to make sure that you're having open dialogue with your teen about what is going on, you know, like what did you see? You know, what are people saying? What are you concerned about? And helping them realize that you're safe and that you're here to help them. And um because I think their biggest fear is like if I tell my parents and if I show you, you're just gonna take the phone away from me.
SPEAKER_00Right. They're afraid of losing it. And they do rely on it for many things. And I think that's where Amanda and I have a uh I think a spin on this when we think about social media profiles. So we're gonna break down what we've kind of come up with as four teen social media profiles that we'd like to share with you and kind of go through these different like archetypes, if you will.
SPEAKER_03Right, yeah. So the first archetype is the social compare comparator.
SPEAKER_00Yes, comparator. This is the teen who spends a lot of time comparing themselves to peers, influencers, lifestyles, appearance, friendships, popularity, really everything. A lot of comparative culture.
SPEAKER_03And they oft uh and often they don't even realize how much it's affecting them emotionally until afterwards.
SPEAKER_00I think so, yeah. And and they may get off social media feeling inadequate, unattractive, unsuccessful, or like everyone else is happier than they are. They're seeing all these happy people online and they're feeling inadequate. Exactly.
SPEAKER_03They're comparing their real life to curated highlight reels online.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and I think girls are particularly vulnerable to this comparison-based stress online. Um, research suggests that teen girls are significantly more likely than boys to report that social media negatively affects their confidence, sleep, and mental health.
SPEAKER_03Which makes sense developmentally because adolescence is already such a sensitive period for identity and self-esteem and formation, right? Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I think parents might notice increased sensitivity around appearance, friendships, achievements, or social status with this first archetype.
SPEAKER_03So let's talk about two. All right. The second archetype is the avoidant scroller.
SPEAKER_00This team uses scrolling as a way to escape stress, boredom, loneliness, anxiety, or difficult emotions.
SPEAKER_03And because scrolling is passive and instantly available, it can become a very easy coping strategy. And I and not just social media, but I think also this could fall into a lot of gamers.
SPEAKER_00Right? You know? Yeah, I think especially for teens who feel overwhelmed over time, it can crowd out healthier coping mechanisms and offline engagement. Right.
SPEAKER_03Parents may notice withdrawal from activities, reduced motivation, emotional disengagement, or excessive nighttime scrolling. Yeah, and now we're seeing sleep disruption being a major issue here. Right, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Nearly half of teens report that social media negatively affects the amount of sleep they get.
SPEAKER_03Right. Um, I know that just a personal note here, I I I just know that my one son really loves to game play Roblox, which is also a kind of form of social media. And he will just like hyper focus on it and go all day, and then in around, you know, dinner time he'll come around and be like, I haven't eaten all day, what's for dinner? You know, because he's just been so focused on the game.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And they're missing out then too much. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03So and you know, we know that sleep is foundational for emotional regulation, attention, learning, and mental health. It is so important.
SPEAKER_00Yes. And longitudinal research is also showing concerning associations between increased social media use and later depressive symptoms in adolescence over time.
SPEAKER_03Which is important because many people assume kids who are already struggling simply use social media more. Right. And then the relationship appears to go in both directions. All right, let's d uh dive into the third archetype, which is the identity explorer.
SPEAKER_00Yes. These teens are experimenting with identity, interests, creativity, values, self-expression, or community online. And there can absolutely be positives to this. Yes, about 63% of teens report that social media gives them a place to express creativity.
SPEAKER_03And for some teens, especially those who feel isolated offline, social media can help them find supportive communities and feel less alone.
SPEAKER_00Yes. But it can also create pressure to perform identity rather than authentically explore it.
SPEAKER_03Mmm, perform versus actually authentically explore. I just wanted to say that again because that was that's kind of profound there, Lisa, I think. So um, you know, taking things like likes and engagements can start to become tied to self-worth, right?
SPEAKER_00Yes, and then they're also vulnerable to trolling and bullying and manipulation or catfishing.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. And another thing we see is teens becoming observers instead of participants, watching other people create, travel, dance, socialize, or succeed, but not fully engaging in their own real world world experiences.
SPEAKER_00Right. And there are certainly risks to that too. Absolutely. All right, last one here, Amanda. All right, the last archetype is the socially dependent connector. This teen relies heavily on group chats and constant digital interaction to feel connected and secure socially. And often experience intense FOMO or fear of missing out uh when disconnected. This can create significant anxiety around exclusion or social visibility. And one thing we hear from teens a lot is that they feel pressure to always be available. Exactly. And then there's the expectation of constant responsiveness. If someone leaves a message on read, doesn't respond quickly enough, or isn't included somewhere, teens may interpret that very personally. And I am seeing this, and it kind of makes me a little crazy when you know teens are jumping out of the shower so that they can answer a text. And like, what is that important? Please finish your shower.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Ironically, some teens feel deeply lonely despite being digitally connected all day.
SPEAKER_00Yes, because digital interaction does not always replace meaningful in-person connection.
SPEAKER_03Right. We had talked about this in a previous episode about the the dopamine hit versus like the oxytocin of like really having real personal connection. So we're going to have a short break again, and we'll come back and talk a little bit more about what parents can do to help their teens around social media use. Warning signs to watch out for and how to set boundaries without constant power struggles.
SPEAKER_00And we'll also share some practical ways to help teens build better, healthier relationships with technology without relying entirely on punishment or surveillance.
SPEAKER_03Welcome back from the break. So now what we're going to do is dive into some warning signs that social media may be coming problematic.
SPEAKER_00We really want to encourage parents at this point to look for patterns over time rather than isolated incidents of social use.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely. Some behavioral signs include mood shifts after scrolling, withdrawal from offline activities, secrecy around devices, or significant sleep deprivation.
SPEAKER_00And also emotional signs. So parents might notice some increased irritability, increased anxiety, sadness, self-consciousness, or rumination after online interactions.
SPEAKER_03And sometimes the issue isn't the amount of time online, it's the emotional impact afterward.
SPEAKER_00Exactly, Amanda. I think two teens can spend the same amount of time online and have very different emotional outcomes. Right. So let's talk about what actually helps. Yeah, let's talk about setting some boundaries without power struggles, first of all. And I think one of the biggest mindset shifts for parents is moving from the controller of your child's social media use to their coach.
SPEAKER_03Trevor Burrus Because surveillance and punishment alone usually increases conflict and decreases trust with between your child to you to let it and makes it so that they actually don't want to come to you if they're having issues. So where curiosity and collaboration create more openness and insight.
SPEAKER_00I agree, Amanda. I think the more we try to use, you know, over too much oversight and surveillance, it does kind of get your kid to lock down and they're not going to want to be honest. Um and I think parents also need to model the behaviors they want to see. We talked about this a little earlier. Teens are noticing what we're doing. They're looking and they're watching us all the time. And when our when adults are not emotionally available to their kids because they're constantly on their phones, that is sending a really powerful message.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely. Um practical boundaries we often recommend include device-free meals, for example. We do the phone stack at my house where everybody turns in their phones and we stack it on a corner or off the table, and nobody's allowed to look at their phone until after the meal. And literally the meal lasts, you know, 15-30 minutes, but it that's our family time with no distractions.
SPEAKER_00We do that at home, and I encourage that with a lot of families that we work with at the practice. Um, it really does increase your engagement and increases your social skills. You're talking about your day. Um, there's so much that can be gleaned around this is if it becomes a pattern. Absolutely. Really, really good a practice there.
SPEAKER_03Um, additionally, highly recommend phones out of bedrooms at night. I would recommend having your the phone charging station in your bedroom and uh making requiring the kids to uh plug in their phones every night at least uh an hour to 30 minutes before they go to bed so that they can naturally unwind because that blue light from the phone literally impedes the melatonin that naturally helps you wind down and go to sleep. And so you need to have no screens to help your body naturally get into a routine of going to bed.
SPEAKER_00And I think we also miss um underestimate the amount of time our kids might be going on their phones at night if they can't sleep or connecting with their friends. We talked about those notification pangs. You get a text from a friend, you're gonna see your kid answer it. So I do agree with turning off the phones. And the kids are gonna say, but I need my phone to set my alarms. So we could either get them good old-fashioned alarm clocks. Yes. Or another tip is to set those screen time limits so that they do not have access. You can lock the phones at a certain time and block certain apps or contacts from contacting them so they can only contact family members.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely. You can do that right from your device, um, which is what I do for my teenagers. Um, you know, I don't usually take the phones away, but they their downtime starts and then they can't really do anything on their phone. So um and then you also have scheduled tech breaks, right? You know, so that's another tip that you can have for them. So maybe um designate certain times. Um, you know, maybe you're allowed to have it right after school, but we don't have it between um, you know, 5 to 7 p.m. at night, and that's um tech-free time. Yeah. Yeah. And the whole family participates, right?
SPEAKER_00They're not gonna do it if only they have to, right? I agree. I think that get really is helping them set some limits and they get that emotional break from the constant interaction. Um, and I think that's similar to those screen-free window routines that you were bringing up, too. So we kind of have that process of let's do uh our wind down routine without the phone. So they don't need their phones when they're getting ready for bed, for example. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03And then, you know, you can also create family technology agreements, right? This is something I uh suggested to you earlier during the screen time activity, is that maybe we challenge ourselves as a family and we do not um we're not on our phones uh for we're we're only on our phones for a certain amount of time. Yes. Yes. Right. And you can create those uh blockages on your phones um or iPads to help with that.
SPEAKER_00And you um can also keep each other accountable. I agree. And I think the ideal situation is if your kids start to have more self-awareness about their phone use and they actually set their own time limits and say, you know what, I I do not like the way I feel when I'm on social media all day. I'm gonna cl shut this app down after so much time or a certain time of the day. So after so many hours or so many minutes or so many, you know, at at some point in the evening, they're gonna wind it down.
SPEAKER_03Right. And especially with those um social media tools that, you know, lead to doom scrolling or m that you maybe don't feel really good about after you're, you know, going through it, like the that comparison component, those are things that you really want to create very limited, um uh limited time on. Words are hard. Bigger restrictions. Right, yeah. And then like, you know, uh you don't have to be like me, but I I did delete my social media for a while, and when I came back, I'm just I only have it for necessary work stuff, and I really don't have any desire to be on it anymore.
SPEAKER_00Another challenge you can put in your family is deleting an app for a while. I I know of teens that have specifically said, I'm gonna delete tick uh TikTok or um Snapchat for a month. Yeah. And they just kind of do it as a self-check to see how am I gonna feel if I take a break from it. Um and then they kind of come back and they can report on what was that like and what did you use that time for?
SPEAKER_03Mm-hmm. Right.
SPEAKER_00And generally it's a positive response.
SPEAKER_03Right, absolutely. And for younger teens, especially, parents should know uh pass cur uh passcodes and periodically review the usage and online activity from a safety perspective. Um, remember that a lot of times teens create um fake profiles, right? Um so there's one that they'll show their parents and one that only the friends have access to. So uh be be savvy. Know that those are out there and try to be friends with them too, um, if you can, so that you uh can kind of see um what's happening in real time. Not in a shaming way, but in a connected, coaching-oriented way of just being like, I'm just trying to make sure that you're not being catfished or scammed or bullied.
SPEAKER_00Yes, and I think the other thing to keep in mind that I hear a lot in our practice is teens will say, Well, you can't take my phone because it's mine. And we see this a lot in in parents that are the separated parents. Like, dad bought me the phone, you can't do anything with it, mom. It's not your phone. Yes, you can. I'll just put that out there. I think what's what's helpful is to set the limits as soon as they get access to the phone. What are the rules? You setting the rules after a problem exists is a lot harder to get your kid to accept and understand. But if the rules are always there, that I get the opportunity to check your phone for safety if you want to have a phone. And and having those passwords and having that availability that your kid knows that it's fair game. Um setting that up in the beginning makes it a lot easier to manage.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. And you've probably heard of a couple books um that uh talk a lot about social media and give uh more specific recommendations. Uh they tend to be a little bit more on the extreme side, but I think there's some really helpful information in there. Uh, for adults, uh the anxious generation. And then for teens, um a spin-off of that is called The Amazing Generation. It's actually a graphic novel that really helps them kind of see how the technology wizards are using uh their little jewels or gems to hook people and keep them from experiencing real life. It's you know, kind of fun in that way. But it's a really good read.
SPEAKER_00It sounds like an engaging option. It is, yeah. It's fun. Right.
SPEAKER_03It's wonderful. So ultimately, our goal isn't simply to eliminate social media, it's to help teens build self-awareness and healthier internal regulation around technology use.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so let's talk about some other things that to kind of build resilience around this idea. Um, one thing I appreciate about the research is that it's not entirely gloom and doom. Social media can provide creative outlets, peer support, access to information, and opportunities for connection when used intentionally and with balance.
SPEAKER_03One tool we love is the post-scroll check-in. Yes. Tell us about that a bit. Yes. Simply just use reflective questions like how do you feel now compared to when you went online? Or what content affected your mood today?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and I think these conversations are, you know, like as you said, reflective. They help teens pause and reflect instead of operating on autopilot because that seems to be. I find myself even pulled into this where I'm kind of bored standing in line, waiting for somebody, uh, and you go on your phone right away. Um, so how are you feeling? And and I I think it's important to do this without shame or defensiveness. It's really kind of that. Let's check in.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely, because honestly, we're all on this together, right? Parents and kids. So this week's um parent practice or homework, if you will, is simple. Just notice.
SPEAKER_00Yes, we're assigning homework today for you. We want you to notice your own and also your teens uh patterns of use on technology. Um and how what is your relationship with technology as a parent? This is important to reflect. Right.
SPEAKER_03And ask yourself are my actions aligned with my values and also my expectations of my teen.
SPEAKER_00And also, in addition, do I have enough time for the things that matter most? Think about that pie that we talked about a little earlier. Um, am I expecting my teen to do something I'm unwilling to do myself? That's an important one that we really want to keep in mind as parents.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely, because kids learn far more from what we model than what we lecture. And we all know that our lovely teenagers are going to totally call us out on it too.
SPEAKER_00They're gonna call us hypocrites. Hypocritical parents, right? We do want to model good behaviors. Right, absolutely. So as we come to a close today, we we we shifted the conversation um from screen time alone to the emotional impact social media has on teens. And we explored how social media functions as a developmental and emotional environment, not just entertainment.
SPEAKER_03We discussed the 14 social media archetypes, why teens are neurologically vulnerable to these platforms, warning signs to watch out for, and how parents can approach boundaries through coaching rather than control.
SPEAKER_00And I think one of the biggest takeaways from today's conversation is that teens themselves are telling us that this experience is complicated. Many report feeling connected and supported online while also experiencing stress, comparison, emotional overwhelm, and sleep disruption.
SPEAKER_03Which means parents don't have to choose between panic and permissiveness.
SPEAKER_00Exactly. We can approach social media with awareness, boundaries, curiosity, and ongoing conversations that help teens build healthier long-term habits.
SPEAKER_03Because teens don't just need restrictions, they need connection, guidance, emotional awareness, and adults who are willing to understand the world that they're growing up in.
SPEAKER_00If social media is significantly impacting your child's mood, anxiety, behavior, sleep, or family functioning, professional support can help. At Conic and Associates, we provide therapy and psychological assessment services for children, teens, and families, including support for anxiety, ADHD, emotion regulation, and social media related stress.
SPEAKER_03And for teens looking for meaningful peer connection and supportive community involvement outside of their phones, we encourage families to explore the Alive Center, which is designed for teens to have a really good time. IRL.
SPEAKER_00And they really do, I have to say. It is a very joyful place. Thank you for joining us for this episode of Inside the Teen Mind. Please give us feedback by rating us on your favorite platform.
SPEAKER_03Leave us a comment and check out our blogs related to the topic of teens and social media on our respective websites.
SPEAKER_00We'll see you next time on Inside the Teen Mind.
