It’s the Simple Things: Though creating a stable financial environment is important, quality time is just as important

Inspired by Usher’s “Simple Things,” this episode is a real conversation about parenthood, priorities, and presence. We talk about how hustle culture can pull parents—especially men—away from what truly matters: building a genuine bond with their children.

Yes, providing financially is important, but you can’t buy love, connection, or memories. Time, attention, and presence are what children remember most.

If you’ve ever been caught up chasing success while unintentionally creating distance at home, this episode will bring you back to what really matters—the simple things.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:15

Welcome to Real Thoughts Podcast. Of course, I'm your host, Tierra, and I do want to start by just saying how grateful I am that you did decide to join me here today. Before we jump into today's episode, I did want to share something that is totally random, but I'm so proud of myself. And don't judge me, okay? So today actually made one week, or yesterday made me one week, I don't know which one, that I have not had any gummy bears. And I know that sounds so small to y'all, but y'all do not understand how much in a chokehold that gummy bears have me, even though I know they're not good for me. To be fair, I do not drink sodas, I don't drink juice, I don't put sugar inside of my tea or my coffee or anything like that. But those gummy bears, those gummy bears are so freaking good. And it makes absolutely no sense why they are so good, but so bad for you at the same time. They just taste amazing. And no, this is not an ad for gummy bears. I'm not there yet, you guys. But I just really want to take a time or a second to, I guess just to congratulate myself or pat myself on the back for going a week strong because that's big. Like, seriously. And it's actually so bad because this is kind of embarrassing, but I had a dream last night that I ate candy. I guess that's probably how much I miss it. But at the same time, gummy bears have been doing me so wrong lately. For example, I actually had surgery last year. I don't know if I already shared it or not. I had surgery last year because I had a tumor on my adrenal gland. And so, of course, your adrenal gland, that gland is over your hormones and things like that. But since having that surgery and having that gland removed, my hormones have kind of been all over the place at times. And one way I've been able to notice this is because usually not eat gummy bears, it does absolutely nothing to me. And I don't go crazy with the gummy bears or anything like that. But lately, I've noticed that when I'm eating gummy bears, I'm having more breakouts on my face. I have a pimple pop up here and a pimple pop up there, and I do not like that. So I'm trying to pull back on the gummy bears. I don't know. I don't know how long I'm gonna go because now I've probably been talking about this for too long right now because now I'm craving it again. But I do hope to one day soon have my social media networks connected to my podcast. And when I do, I want you guys to send me a message or something or drop me a comment. Give me some better alternatives to my gummy bears. Give me some healthy gummy bears if that is a thing. And not the sugar-free ones, because I tried those, they were great, but they did something weird to my stomach. I don't know. So now that my gummy bear rant is over, let's go ahead and hop into today's episode. Um, this episode is probably directed more so to the men, but it's also and a very important message for my ladies as well, especially if you are trying to reach personal goals, especially around finances and things like that, but you haven't found that balance of balance and, you know, trying to achieve your goals while also parenting and things of that nature. So this episode is partially inspired by Usher's song titled Simple Things. As I was trying to figure out what this week's episode was actually going to be about, that song kept playing in my head for some reason. And I could not figure out why that song was playing in my head today. I have not heard that song today or anything like that. That does happen to me a lot, um, but I'm not sure. So sometimes when I hear a song that keeps playing in my head, I will just go listen to the song because sometimes I feel like if I go listen to the whole thing, then maybe it'll stop rewinding itself in my head, especially like one part of that song. And I honestly don't even know when was the last time that I have listened to this song. So I decided to do so today. And the lyrics that stuck out for me in the very beginning of the song, Usher stated, and I'm not gonna sing it because my man and everybody, they swear I can't sing, but I can, but I'm not gonna sing it today, okay? But, anyways, it just states that just cop your girl a brand new roulette, but you can never find the time to spend at home. Thinking that's gonna keep her happy when time is all she wanted all along. And then the chorus pretty much it says that it's the simple things in life we forget, you hear her talking, but don't hear what she said. Though this song seems to be pretty much talking about a romantic relationship with a partner, this or these lyrics also apply to relationships, especially with your children. So as I was listening to these lyrics, I also recall a few different social media posts that I saw online probably a few months ago. I don't think I've seen any recently, but you know how those suggested posts come up on your timeline or whatever it is. I don't know why they suggest all these things to me. But anyway, I've seen quite a few times where fathers have talked about their children only calling them when they want something. And when I speak of fathers, I'm not talking about fathers who have their children with them 24-7. This message is more so for the fathers who get their children a few times a month or whatever that looks like for them. I have also witnessed the same dynamic in my personal life as well. And when I see these posts online where these fathers are saying that, oh, well, they only call me when they want something. My mind always goes to is it possible that that is the relationship that you created with that child? And the reason that I do wonder that is because though finances are important, very important, time is also just as important as finances. It's about finding that balance, that balance of being able to provide for yourself and your children, spouse or whatever it is, as well as allocating quality time to build that bond with those children. Because what I've noticed is true is that relationships require work, commitment, time, and that doesn't matter who the relationship is with. A child isn't just born and automatically just has this automatic bond without that bond being nurtured and watered and everything else. What that looks like for me is that I'm someone who I absolutely love alone time, like love it. But what I usually do is that I would carve out some time for my kids, then time for myself. This may look like we may do a fun activity or something like that. Or I may just take them somewhere. I can take them to get IC, something that costs$5, and they will be overjoyed. But when I am spending that time with them, I'll make sure that they have my complete undivided attention. But then once I spend that time for that day, however that looks, once I go outside with myself, that means do not bother me. Especially if I done made sure you ate, you know what I mean? You're you're full, you're clean, whatever it is, your needs are met, basically. Don't come out here asking me questions or trying to tell me no stories about school because I just talked to you for like three hours. And my kids actually already know this about me. They know that I do like my alone time. So usually they do try to come out here and try to tell me one more story, and I'll be like, uh-uh, look now. They'll usually just go in and they'll save it for later or something like that. And I'm not saying I don't enjoy my kids because I probably enjoy my kids way more than I enjoy adults, honestly. And it's really not difficult to build that bond with your children. I would say when you are having that time or spend that time with them, push aside all distractions, hint, hint, your cell phones. And, you know, you can do anything. You can watch a movie together. Ask them about their day. Ask them about their interests, their hobbies, you know, what's going on in their life. What their friend Jessica did at school yesterday. You know what I mean? Just it's simple things where they see that you're engaging with them, and it also makes them want to come and tell you more. Because we all know that once our children get to that teenage stage, or sometimes a little bit before then, it can be harder to get things out of them and they may not want to spend as much time with you. So that's why it's super, super important to begin building that bond immediately, of course. And just because you are a full-time parent doesn't mean that these things don't apply to you. Because it definitely applies to you just because you're in a home with your kids 24 or 7 don't mean that, oh, we're spending time. No, you can be on one end of the home, a child can be on the other end all day long. So it's definitely still important to have that allocated time to bond with them. But when you're in situations where you don't see your children as much as you would like to, or you don't see them on a daily or weekly basis, it's super important that you carve that time for them when you do see them, because that's like the only time you have for that moment, and there's already so much for you to catch up on. The reason that I say that this episode was more so for men is because that's often who I see, or who I've noticed, who sometimes think that spending money equates to building a bond. And that's not true whatsoever. What I've noticed is that oftentimes men get stuck in this hustle mentality where everything is about making money. If it don't make dollars, it don't make sense and all these things like that, right? But I also want to say to you that you could be missing out on what's really, really, really important in your life that's right in front of your face, all because of this hustle mentality. And when that happens, that parent often wonders, well, why doesn't this child want to spend time with me just because? Why don't they want to call me just because? Or why don't they call and check up on me? Why do they only call me when they want something from me? But that's because, like I stated, that foundation, if you have begun you guys bond by only saying, okay, I'll buy this, I buy that, I'll spend and spend that, but you don't just do those fun things with them. So they're used to just coming to you when they need money. That's not on the kid, unfortunately. That's on the parent. As the parents, we are the adults. And when you feel like your bond or relationship with your child isn't where you would like it to be, that's on that adult to begin that process of changing things around. You can't wait for the kid to change this around because they're a kid. You know what I mean? So as I end this episode, I just want you to remember this. Remember what Usher said. Anytime you have these thoughts, just remember what Usher said. It's the simple things in life we forget. And attempting to buy love would never work out for the greater good. I don't care if that's relationships with your spouse or relationships with your kids or friends or whoever it is. Throwing money at a situation does not fix that situation. You know what I mean? And we are in a time whereas it's very important that we're changing the family dynamics from what it used to be. We are correcting things that were done wrongly with us. And so, with that, we're consciously choosing to make better decisions about our life and our relationships because relationships are important. Every single relationship you have with your coworkers, your bosses, your community, your friends, your family, whoever it is, they're all important. I'm your host, Tierra, and this is Rud Thoughts Podcast.