Who You Surround Yourself With Shapes Your Life

The people around you influence your mindset, habits, healing, and growth more than you may realize. 

In this episode, I talk about why your circle matters, what real accountability actually looks like, and how the right people can push you toward becoming your highest self instead of keeping you stuck in old patterns.

Transcript

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This is Real Thoughts Podcast, and I'm your host, Tierra. I want to take the time to basically say thank you to everybody who chooses to come and sit with me each and every week to hear me just sit here and talk to you guys and kind of just drop a little wisdom on you. I do want to just start off by saying I am sorry for my absence on last week. The girl was feeling a little sick. Well, a lot sick. I was super stuffy, so I had to make the decision to actually not record last week, but I am back with an all-new episode. And so I'm just going to go ahead and jump straight into it. This week we're pretty much just talking about why your circle matters. And yes, we're talking about your friend circle and accountability. Have you ever noticed how your mindset, your habits, or even your confidence can change depending on who you're around? And even if this doesn't apply to you right now, this may have applied to you at some time in your life, whether that was when you were younger, college, or whatever it was. And the reason for this is because your circle can either normalize excuses or either normalize growth. So before we even dive deep into this, this is a topic that I was trying to wait to do this topic. And the reason why I was trying to wait because I want to have a situation or actually a setup to where I can have like for my actual friend group to come and we just all chat about, you know, our circle and friendship and accountability and what that looks like for us. But um, me and my best friends, we all live in different cities, hours apart. And so it's not often that we do get together because we're all pretty much as busy with, you know, life and family, kids, and things like that. And I didn't want to just keep on bypassing this topic because I really didn't want to talk about it. So I decided to go ahead and do it. Maybe one in the future we can all sit down together and we can also have this like a part two or something like that where we can just chat and you guys can get a feel for our dynamic and see how we kind of move with each other and everything like that, because that is a very important circle to me. I love you guys. So let's get right into it. I'm gonna let you in on a secret, okay? Here it goes. Your circle influenced your standards. Okay, maybe that's not a secret, but what this means is that the company that you keep, it directly affects your confidence, your discipline, your mindset, your ambition, and even your emotional health. Now, to be clear, that doesn't mean that anyone can make you do anything or anyone else is responsible for your actions, but other people can influence you. Hello, that's the whole reason why we have influencers. But if everyone around you normalizes this function, then when that growth starts to happen, it will feel very weird to people. You may get accused of acting funny, you may get accused of thinking that you're better than anyone, and that's just because of you are growing. And if that's not normal to some or some aren't open to that, it's sort of scary for them, honestly. But on the opposite end, healthy circles not only challenge but also encourage you to actually evolve instead of just staying comfortable in what you're used to. And I always just say that, you know, the first step of solving a problem is admitting that there is a problem. Well, I don't always say that. Well, I kind of do always say that, but everyone says that, you know, the whole AAA step one is admitted you have a problem. But in all honesty, admitting that there is a problem can be difficult for some people. Because it's like once you admit it, now you know about it. And so now you have to do something about it. You are listening to Real Thoughts Podcast with your host, Tiara. Follow and leave me a review. Here is secret number two: accountability is not an attack, accountability is love. And before we jump into accountability, let's first talk about what is accountability. Because I am well aware that this is one of those buzzwords that's going around. And it could be for good, for good, and for bad. Because of course you're gonna have those people who use it for everything, but also you have people who are using it correctly for meaningful conversations. So, what is accountability? And this is according to Google. Accountability is the obligation or willingness to accept responsibility for your actions, decisions, and their outcomes. I'm gonna say that one more time. Accountability is the obligation or willingness to accept responsibility for your actions, decisions, and their outcomes. My own personal theory when it comes to accountability is that it doesn't benefit you to hold yourself halfway accountable while directing more energy to the other party. And what I mean by that is that mentality of, yeah, I did this, but you did this, that doesn't get you anywhere, honestly. It's gonna start a back and forth thing, whereas the other party's gonna say, well, I did this, but you did this, and it's gonna just keep repeating itself and going back and forth and back and forth. Here is what I recommend you doing. And it's three simple steps when it comes to accountability. I would say one, take ownership for whatever the situation is or whatever role you play in that, take ownership. Two, state clearly what you are going to do going forward. And three is just action. Do what you said that you are going to do. Don't just talk a good game. Actually follow through with whatever it is you said that you're going to do going forward. Follow it up with action. And once you do all of that, just follow the let them theory by Mel Robbins, which teaches you to stop trying to manage or control other people's actions, words, or choices and focus on your own life. I'm not saying that nobody walks all over you. Absolutely not. But I'm saying that accountability does not mean sitting and waiting for someone else to change something or do something differently. You control what you can't control, which is yourself and your own actions. And remember, accountability is not judgment, but it does require honesty and emotional maturity. The right people, the right circle will not enable self-destruction just to keep you comfortable. Real friends love you and want the best for you. You are listening to Real Thoughts Podcast with your host, Tiara. Follow and leave me a review. After moving through the accountability phase, the next thing that you would benefit from evaluating is is your circle keeping you stuck or is it pushing you forward? There are actually friend groups that bond through complaining. Those are the ones who there's always something going on. Always something wrong. I'll say that. Every single time they come around, it's never any good news. It's always, oh, this is what's happened. This is what I'm going through today. This is what I'm going through tomorrow. There are some that bond through gossip. Those are the ones that know everybody's business, except their own. There are some groups that bond through victim mentality. That's that poor me mindset, that save me mindset. Why everything happens to me all the time mindset. And there are some that bond through avoidance. Those are the ones who say, Oh, we're not talking about that. As soon as you get ready to say something to them or bring up a task or bring up an subject, we're not talking about that. But then on the flip side, there are those friend groups that bond through vision. Those are things like goals and things they're trying to achieve. They bond through healing. That's the ones who talk about health-related things all the time. How can they improve mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually? They bond through creativity. Those are the ones who don't mind expressing themselves. They like to paint and dance and things of that nature. They bond through discipline, help keep me accountable. And I'll help keep you accountable. And they bond through purpose. What do I hope to achieve why I'm here on this earth? How can I be better? How do I want to leave my mark on the world? No friendship is perfect. There is not a single perfect person in this world. However, you do need emotionally aware people who are not just willing or are actually choosing to take action to grow and be a better person and do better each and every day. But just as important as it is to hold others accountable and allow others to hold yourself accountable, it's just as important to be accountable to yourself. Be a good friend to yourself. Keep promises to yourself. Be self-aware on your mistakes and break cycles. I don't want to just have this whole entire conversation with you guys and not tell you how to build a better circle. Find people who, one, communicate honestly and not just communicate honestly, they know how to listen, they know how to speak with you or to you with respect. Find people who respect boundaries, who encourage purpose, who will also celebrate your wins, no matter how big or how small, and how, and who knows how to correct you with love. But remember, sometimes building a healthier circle also requires you to first go into solitude. Choose people who challenge you to become your highest and best self. But don't you dare require your request something of someone else that you aren't willing to do yourself. And as we close out this episode, I do want to give you two questions that I want you to journal about whenever you get time. And it shouldn't take no more than probably about five minutes to do so. If you don't have a journal, just get yourself a pen and some paper that will work just fine. And write down these two questions and then answer them. And just, you know, kind of read your answer back to yourself and assess and see what's going on and see if there's any cleaning that you need to do when it comes to your friend circle? Or do you need to clean up things within your own behaviors or your mindset? So, question number one is going to be what qualities do I value most in my circle right now? And number two, can my friends gently hold me accountable without me reversing what they need to fix? I'm your host, Tierra, and this is Real Thoughts Podcast.