The Love You’ve Been Looking For Might Start With You

What if the love you’ve been waiting for isn’t something you have to keep searching for?

In this final episode of the Healing Your Inner Child series, we’re exploring how to stop waiting for validation, closure, and approval from others and start giving yourself the love, safety, and compassion you’ve always deserved.

If you’re ready to stop abandoning yourself and start choosing yourself, this episode is for you. 

Transcript

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Welcome to Rude Thoughts Podcast. I'm your host, Tierra, and welcome to episode four of our Inner Child Healing series. I am actually recording this episode one day post uh Father's Day. So if you are a father or a father figure, happy late Father's Day to you. And I hope that you really did enjoy yourself. I'm hoping that you guys don't hear too much of the rumbling going on in the background because it actually is thundering right now. I'm assuming that it's getting ready to storm, which means I'm gonna sleep extra good. But let's go ahead and hop into this last episode of our series, which I'm actually very excited for. And not because the series is ending, it's just because I really did enjoy this whole series. And I'm excited to jump into this final episode because it is very important for so many reasons. And one of those reasons because it's actually covering giving yourself the love you've been waiting for. So have you ever caught yourself thinking, maybe when I find a right relationship, or maybe when so-and-so apologize, or maybe when someone finally chooses me, then I'll finally feel at peace. But just what if you've been waiting your whole entire life for someone to give you permission to feel worthy? I know that when you think about it like that, it does seem very sad. And it sort of kind of is. Today I want to talk to you about one of the hardest, but at the same time, most freeing realizations that I've ever had. And that realization is that sometimes healing begins when we start waiting. And that's because your healing can't stay dependent on someone else's ability or willingness to give you what you need. Many of us live in a sort of emotional waiting room. You're waiting for an apology, you're waiting for approval, you're waiting for validation, you're waiting for closure, you're waiting for recognition, you're waiting for love, you're waiting for acknowledgement, you're waiting for justice, just always waiting. And sometimes we don't even realize that we're waiting. But my first question that I want you to ponder on today is what are you waiting for? What are you still hoping someone else will finally give to you? There are some people waiting for a parent to say that they are proud of them. There are some people waiting for someone to choose them. There are some waiting for an ex to apologize or to give them closure. Or there are some waiting for someone to notice how much they sacrifice. But what if I told you that sometimes we stay emotionally attached to people because we're still hoping that they will become who we need them to be? So let's talk about why do we keep looking outside of ourselves? Children naturally look to caregivers for safety, comfort, identity, and reassurance. But when they don't receive that, their adult life becomes an endless search for those same unmet needs. This can show up as chasing emotionally unavailable people, tolerating unhealthy relationships, having a difficult time being alone, overachieving, people pleasing, perfectionism, or just fear rejection. Sometimes it's not that we are chasing people, but instead are actually chasing a feeling we hope that those people would give to us. But love isn't just a feeling, it's the way that you actually treat yourself. Let me ask you this. If someone watched the way you treated yourself every single day, who you allow into your life, what you accept from others, would they say that you love yourself? And if you're unsure about that answer or you don't actually know what it looks like to love yourself, I'm gonna explain that to you. Some ways that you can love yourself is speaking kindly to yourself, keep promises to yourself, rest when needed, protect your peace, saying no, leaving places that require you to constantly shrink yourself, believing your needs matter, celebrating yourself without waiting for applause, letting yourself experience joy and asking for help. So now that you know what it looks like to love yourself, again, I will ask if someone watched you every single day, would they say that you love yourself? Because self-love is refusing to participate in your own abandonment and it's saying that I love myself and I choose myself each and every day. My next question to you is when you're hurting, who do you become to yourself? Do you become patient? Do you become compassionate? Do you become dismissive? Do you become critical? Or do you become demanding? Just like we want other people to be emotionally available to us, healing means becoming emotionally available to yourself first. Since we are talking about healing, I also want you to know that healing doesn't mean you stop needing people. When going through your healing phases, it's important to remember that healing does not necessarily require isolation. It doesn't mean that you don't need anyone. But instead, it says that I no longer expect other people to rescue the parts of me that aren't responsible for nurturing. And just in case no one has ever told you this, let me be the first person to say that healing feels amazing. There are so many positive benefits from healing. And not only do you benefit, but so do the other people who are around you. Some of those positive things that you may experience is actually being able to receive love. You may experience being able to connect with the community better or being able to have healthier friendships and just gaining overall support. Healing isn't all about independence, it's also about gaining healthy connections. Remember that everyone does have an inner child, and the child within you has waited a long time to feel seen. So as we close out, I want to give you like a small assignment to do. I want you to write a letter to your inner child and begin it with, dear younger me. And when you do write this letter to your inner child, I want you to be sure that this letter is rooted in love, reassurance, and comfort. This isn't a time to talk crazy to your inner self or your inner child. This is a time to really give yourself that love and comfort and reassurance that you desperately need and wanted when you were a child. I'm your host, Tierra, and this is Rooted Thoughts Podcast.