My Life Update & The Tuskegee Dress Code Debate: Is Appearance Really an Attack on Black Culture?

In this episode I’m catching you up on what’s been happening in my life before diving into one of the biggest conversations happening online right now—the debate over Tuskegee University’s dress code policy on bonnets and durags.

While many people see the policy as an attack on Black culture, I see it differently. I believe how we present ourselves matters—not because we should abandon our identity, but because appearance communicates respect, intention, and awareness of the environment we’re in.

This conversation isn’t about policing Blackness or denying cultural expression. It’s about understanding the difference between cultural identity and professional presentation, why context matters, and how we can take pride in ourselves without seeing every expectation as an attack on our culture.

Transcript

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I'm your host, Tierra, and this is Rude Thoughts Podcast. I like to start just every so often, just start the episode off by expressing my gratitude to you guys who always continue to listen. Even when we don't have a new episode that comes out on that particular week, I do see that y'all are still checking in, y'all are still listening, even to the old episodes. So I'm so grateful for that. Even when I leave you guys hanging, y'all still are checking in. And I want to say it's not that I intentionally leave you guys hanging, like last week, for example, I did intend to actually record. But what actually took place was my family and I, we went on vacation, and I had this good idea that I was gonna actually record, maybe on the beach, I don't know, but I was gonna record while I was on vacation. But after driving, or I won't say driving because I did not drive, after being in the car and on the road for about seven hours, I was exhausted and I did not have it in me to record. And so I'm here now. And on this week's episode, where I'm gonna actually be giving you a few just updates that's going on in my personal life. I like to do that every so often. Um, just kind of letting you guys know what's going on with me. Um, and then also we're gonna be getting into a trending topic, and I'm actually doing this live update because sometimes I know that I do mention things, um, especially at the beginning of the podcast. So I don't want to just mention something or bring it up, but then kind of just leave you guys hanging and don't tell you like what happened or what was the outcome with it. So that's why I decided to kind of just fill you guys in a little bit, not going into too much detail, but I know one of those things were that I did mention some episodes back about how I was going through the whole process of selling my home and getting ready for the market. All that's done, y'all. Like, I am excited. It's been done for a while. Actually, I actually forgot to update y'all. No lie, I'm sorry. But I did sell my home. Um, that part went smoothly after we got over all of those humps. And what did I learn? I learned that when I bought my home, I wasn't picky enough because dealing with the buyer and everything like that, it was a process. That's all I'm gonna say. It was a process in which, you know, I do understand, especially when you're buying your or purchasing your first home. I'm not sure if it was a buyer's first home or not. So um, I understand being picky. I just realized that I was not picky enough. Like I didn't do enough, like I didn't create enough chaos when I went through the process when I actually bought the home. But that's neither here nor there. So I'm glad that process is over and out the way. Um oh, I actually got married. Yes, I did. Thank you, thank you, thank you for the congratulations. Because I know y'all probably are like, congratulations, congratulations, thank you, thank you, thank you. So, yeah, I got married, and then of course, like I said, me and my family went on vacation last week. Um, a nice beach trip because I haven't been to the beach in a while, and I love, love, love the beach. So I did get the opportunity to go there, and that was very fun, very exciting, and everything like that. Um, I'm just not ready for these kids to go back to school next week. I'm not gonna lie, I'm ready for my grocery bill to get back to normal. So, yeah, it's it's about time for them to get out of this house. So that's what I'm looking forward forward to next week. So let's go ahead and hop into this trending topic, you guys. So a few days ago, I happened to be doom scrolling. Yes, that's bad. And yes, I'm trying not to do that. I don't do it that much. You don't do it either, okay? So yeah, I was doom scrolling on social media, and I ran across this topic that I saw. Um, and I'm pretty sure some of you guys have probably also saw this topic. It started with Tuskegee University, um, implementing a new dress code. And with them implementing this new dress code, basically they banned bonnets, do rats, slippers, you know, things like that. Um, basically on campus, like any official campus settings and things like that. Basically, anywhere outside of your room, you cannot wear those things. So I saw that. I saw they banned that. So I I you know I read it and I was kind of like, oh, good, okay. And I kept scrolling, you know, no big deal. I feel like it was a good thing. I guess there are other people who did not feel like it was a good thing. So the debate that's being had online is that of course there are some people who, you know, they also feel like, okay, yeah, that's good. I didn't think they had to tell people that. But then there are also some people who feel like, oh, they're attacking our culture, this is a part of black culture and things like that. So when I said that, when I saw that, I was like, huh? Now, this is only my opinion, and we know what they say about opinions. They're like buttholes. Everyone has one. But I disagree that bonnets and do rats are a part of black culture. I believe that presentation is everything. And yes, we can say that we shouldn't be judged by how we look and things like that, but in reality, we are. I won't even say that we're judged, or I won't say that I necessarily judge people, but when I'm out in public and I see someone who has on sleepwear or do rest or bonnets or whatever it is, no, I don't judge them and look at look down or frown down at them, or it's like, oh, I can't talk to you, or you're disgusting, or anything like that. But do it cross my mind that, hmm, this person may not necessarily care about their appearance or how they show up? Yes, I do think that. And I'm just being 100% honest. And this wasn't something that was necessarily instilled in me. It's just something that, you know, some stuff you just you just learn. Like, you know, I just knew that sleep attire was meant to be slept in at home and not meant for you to go out in public wearing. I actually remember, I think I was probably, I think it was like my last year of high school, um, because I was actually living with my mom at that time. And I remember one day, it was like early in the morning, she woke me up. It was on the weekend or something like that, and she told me to go around the corner to the corner store to get like a newspaper or something for her. And so I remember telling her, okay, wait a minute, I gotta get dressed, I gotta get ready. And I guess my mom wanted her newspaper right then and there. So she was kind of fussing at me, like, you need to hurry up. It's only two minutes down the road, you don't have to get dressed up. And I told her, yes, I do. Because at the time, Obama was actually the president. And I was like, what if I happened to see Obama at this gas station? I don't want him to send me with no do-rag on my head, looking a mess. And it didn't have nothing to do with Obama or the president or anything like that. It was just more so of how do I want to present? How do I want to show up in the world? And that's something that everyone should care about. You should care about how you show up in the world, and how you show up in the world also means how you dress in the world or in public. But what I have noticed is that either everyone wasn't taught or everyone didn't automatically understand or learn that everything is not meant for everywhere, there is a time and a place for everything. I know y'all's grandparents and y'all parents have heard them told y'all that before. There is a time and a place for everything. That includes pajamas and bonnets. And also to my people, just because other people in our culture do not agree with certain things or they try to hold you accountable for certain things, it doesn't mean that they want to be something else other than what they are. Sometimes people try to turn things around when they feel like they're being called out. And I can understand that in a way, you know what I mean? When you sometimes you feel like you're being attacked and you want to attack back. But we have to really sit and think about does this make sense? Is this necessary? How does one equal to the other? You know what I mean? And I'm not gonna lie, I'm one of those type of people who are like those see something, say something type people. So if I see somebody doing something incorrectly or doing something wrong, just in case they don't know, I do like to gently bring it to their attention if I feel like they are able or willing to receive that. So with that being said, there has been times when I'm like in a dollar store or something like that, and I've seen, like, you know, somebody come in the store and they're kind of dressed like they literally just rolled out the bed and came straight to the store. I'm talking about blue cheats out and all. And sometimes I do want to say, like, you know, just gently pull them to the side because some people really have not been taught. There were things that I wasn't taught that I should have been taught when I was growing up. So I understand that. So sometimes I do just want to kind of put them to the side just in case they don't know. But then the other part of me, I'll be thinking, like, oh, they may try to beat my ass. And so, you know, usually I decide not to. So getting back to what it is that people are arguing about online, what I'm saying is that some people are saying, well, people wear these things because some people have early classes or they didn't have time to do their hair and et cetera. And that's fine. But here's the solution. Because you know, I don't ever like to bring a problem without actually bringing a solution as well. Invest in you some little, you know, little baseball caps, throw that hand in a ponytail, get you some of those little cute going-out scarves that you can do like little cute little wraps with, get you some lounge wear, those little sets and things like that. You know, those like running errand clothes, you know, stuff that's like easy to put on, pick out your outfit the night before. Those are all things that you could try rather than just saying that, okay, I'm just gonna step out the door the same way I went to bed last night. Because my question is, what happens once you get out of college or whatever it is, and you get your job where you have to get up early or you have clients for your business, you have to get up early for. Are you gonna still say, well, I didn't get up on time, so I'm gonna show up to my job or show up to go meet my clients with a bonnet on or with pajamas on? No. Because if I'm being completely honest, if I was your client and you showed up to meet me in your pajamas or wearing a bonnet or something like that, I'm gonna think that you don't take yourself serious, you don't take your business serious, and more than likely, I'm probably not gonna want to do business with you again. And I'm just being completely honest. And this message isn't just for black culture, it's for any culture. It doesn't matter who you are, what color you are, you should care about how you're showing up in the world. And this doesn't just apply to college campuses, this is everywhere. This is the grocery store, this is your kids' schools. Don't show up looking a mess. So I say this with love, and I mean that. There are bigger things to fight for in our culture rather than fighting to wear sleepwear in public. I myself will always fight for the best for my people, even when they can't see it for themselves. And that's one of the main reasons why I decide to do this podcast. And that's because I want the best for not just my people, but for all people. And that's because when people show up as the best version of themselves and they make better decisions and things like that, it does create a better world for us all to live in. And we all play a part in making a difference in this world. So I hope you enjoy my little take on this popular topic that's going on. I'm your host, Tierra, and this is Really Thoughts Podcast. Until next time.