Ep. 8: Spring cleaning

In this world of endless expectations and to-do lists, we are due for some spring cleaning! In addition to decluttering our homes, what would it look like if we mentally decluttered, too? Today, we're talking about what we're letting go of or letting drop as we head further into 2026.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:04

Welcome to Mom Group, the podcast for anxious moms, busy moms, and all the moms trying to hold it all together.

SPEAKER_00 0:10

We're your friends, Kate and Emily, two months who know what it feels like to juggle kids, schedules, and that never-ending mental load, all while trying not to lose ourselves in the process.

SPEAKER_02 0:20

We'll talk about the messy moments, the funny ones, and the things that keep us up at night. Because we all know motherhood isn't always extra perfect.

SPEAKER_00 0:28

Whether you're listening in the carbo line, hiding in the pantry for a little peace and quiet, or just needing to hear from someone who gets it, you're in the right place.

SPEAKER_02 0:36

So grab your coffee or reheat it for the third time. And let's dive in to Mom Group.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

Alright, welcome back to Mom Group. I am Kate here with Emily, as usual. Um hopefully you know that by now. But um hope everybody's having a good week so far. Let's um let's catch up a little before we get started on this um eighth episode of our first season, Emily.

SPEAKER_02 1:01

How exciting are you? I'm good. Tired tonight. I was just telling you a little bit before we started recording. I stayed up a little late last night to catch up on Love is Blind. I know most people have already watched it, but I wanted to finish it and like see the reunions, who stayed together, you know, all the juicy stuff.

SPEAKER_00 1:21

What time did you go to bed?

SPEAKER_02 1:23

I mean, it wasn't that late. It was like 11 30, but I mean for me. That's really late. Because I like to be in bed at like nine. The same.

SPEAKER_00 1:32

Um get up early. So yeah, that that's late.

SPEAKER_02 1:34

Yeah, it felt late, and you know, but it is spring break this week for us. Oh. So I know. We lost two days because of snow.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

I don't think I knew that.

SPEAKER_02 1:46

Yeah, but so we were we had to go in Monday, Tuesday. Um, but we are off starting tomorrow, so I can sleep in a little bit tomorrow, have some fun activities planned for the kids and nice.

SPEAKER_00 1:59

Yeah, it'll be good. Ours is next week. Um, but they um well actually my younger son's preschool does what they call like a non-academic week. So they are welcome to go and like be cared for, but they're not doing like any I don't know, no frills, I guess I would say. Right. No curriculum, no yeah. Yeah. So I mean I'm grateful for that. So we'll send him. Um and then the elementary school is they they same thing added back two days at the end of the week from all the snow. So they're just all Friday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.

SPEAKER_02 2:31

Yeah. Okay. That's not bad. It's not we just get Wednesday, Thursday, Friday this week.

SPEAKER_00 2:36

Very nice. Yeah. So it's fine, but I saw um I saw a funny video. You're fine. Somebody from uh our actual our old group posted that was like, when we were little, spring break was like me on the couch watching a hot or watching Price is right and eating a hot pocket. Like now we're like going on vacations and like we all need to do less, which you know, yeah. We've talked about that before, but I know.

SPEAKER_02 3:05

I feel like we could do a whole episode on doing less. Less. Um, which actually I think would be a really fun one, maybe one day in the future, of you know, this whole idea of going back to a 90s childhood.

SPEAKER_00 3:18

Like, that's kind of like trending now for sure.

SPEAKER_02 3:20

Yeah. Um, yeah, but of course, like uh it it's easier for me to take my kids out than it is to stay home with them a lot. So tomorrow we're gonna go see the movie Hoppers, which I've heard is very adorable. Yes, I've heard good things. Yes. Um, and then we have an aquarium membership, so we're gonna do that on Thursday. That's always a hope. Yeah, it's Passover, so we're doing our Seder tomorrow night. Cool. Um, I don't have anything planned for Friday, but you know, we'll figure that out when it gets here, and then egg hunt on Saturday. Because you guys do we do both Easter and Passover, yeah. And then Sunday Easter stuff.

SPEAKER_00 3:59

Hopefully the bunny comes. Hopefully. Hopefully. That actually reminds me. So I speaking of the bunny, I posted to the our Instagram, which is at momgroup. If you're not following, go follow. But like, and on the topic of doing less, like everybody, you know, I see on Instagram's like, what are you doing for the kids' Easter baskets? And again, I feel like when we were kids, it was like, you know, it was like good, it was good candy, but it was candy.

SPEAKER_02 4:24

It was just candy. Candy. We always got like one big like chocolate bunny. Yeah. And then like it wasn't even like packaged candy, like I don't know how how yours was, but like, yeah, my mom, I think, just like ripped a bag of jelly beans and just poured them over the Easter grass.

SPEAKER_00 4:40

I feel like that's like what it yeah, and it was Eastergrass. I think we might have gotten like one gift. Like, I remember getting the Mariah Carey CD for Easter in my basket with like the candy, the Lucies.

SPEAKER_02 4:52

I remember when I was older, I used to say, I used to ask my mom, like, instead of getting an Easter basket, will you buy me this? Can I like I could like bargain with her for like certain things, but yeah, it was just like loose jelly beans that got like hard in a day, and like we were definitely got very hard in a day. So, um, and I think my parents like let us eat as much candy as we wanted, and that was just like the function.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

That's the fun of it. Yeah. Yeah. I just feel like now it's you know, we're doing like bathing suits and which is like useful, but like toys and all these things, and it's just hard to know.

SPEAKER_02 5:32

Like it's hard to know because like I don't want my kids to have so much candy. I feel like they already eat so much. So, right, I did get them bathing suits, I got them bubble wands, we got new chalk.

SPEAKER_00 5:43

That's cool. But yeah, we just need to find that balance of like don't go overboard because it's not Christmas, like this is not like a main holiday.

SPEAKER_02 5:52

I feel like every time I turn around, I'm buying them things. I know. Like, seriously, I don't know how what you guys do for St. Patrick's Day. I'm not even Irish.

SPEAKER_00 6:03

We don't do the leprechaun trap, if that's where what you're getting at.

SPEAKER_02 6:06

I don't want to do the leprechaun trap, but when my kids set a leprechaun trap, like what am I supposed to do? I literally kicked it over. I kicked it, I just kicked it over, and luckily I had like I think I had little boxes of jelly beans in my work bag that they hadn't seen, and I just like threw them on the floor. That was it.

SPEAKER_00 6:30

I don't even know what it is because I was like, what do you mean they said it? I thought it was like something you do. They said it to trap the leprechaun. My kids set up a whole leprechaun trap to trap the leprechaun. I was gonna say, just don't do it, Emily. Don't do it. No leprechaun trap.

SPEAKER_02 6:42

Noah built like a whole thing. He had like he made like a like a scarecrow of himself. Oh and he had all these magnetiles and a cage for it. It was like a it was a di it was a it was a deal.

SPEAKER_00 6:56

That's elaborate. Well, okay. I mean it's cute. That's where I that's where I struggle because it's like I like that stuff. I want to be like the magic maker and all these things, but sheesh, it's all a lot. And this actually will lead into our topic of like certain things that we're letting go of. Um so yeah, I was thinking about our, you know, planning ahead for next episodes, and I I kind of was on the topic of spring cleaning, right? It's it feels like spring cleaning when this time of year rolls around can feel like a reset. It's a good opportunity to, you know, clean your house or minimalize, or um, you know, I always think of like as I'm switching out the clothing for the seasons, like donating things this time of year, um, all that kind of stuff. But so yeah, there's all this talk at this time of year about cleaning, organizing, decluttering. And um it just got me thinking about like what if we did that um mentally as well.

SPEAKER_02 7:46

Yeah, I love that. Because let's be honest, like, especially as anxious moms, we carry a lot. Um, you know, we have to-do lists and pressure and guilt and all of the stuff and like how do we know if we're even doing anything right? So like I like the idea of maybe letting some of this go with a little bit of spring cleaning. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:08

I like the like concept of minimalism for you know, items and things and around the house to like applying that to like our brains and our lives and our schedules. Like, what can we you know, all of it's not up for up for removal, of course. There's things that have to be done, but like what could we simplify or let go or let drop for this particular particular season? So yeah, today we're talking about spring cleaning, not the kind with bins and labels, but what we're leaving behind this season, um, things that might not be serving us. So let's get into it.

SPEAKER_02 8:41

Yeah. Uh I think a big one for me um is this idea of like Pinterest parenting. Right.

SPEAKER_00 8:48

Yeah, this is a nice uh segue from what we were just talking about.

SPEAKER_02 8:51

What we were just talking about, right? And like I feel like right, everyone sees all these crazy ideas that are out there, like especially like you know, we're just talking about like the leprechaun or the elf or whatever, and like so many millions of ideas of like the elf doing this, and like now I could recreate that, or these teacher appreciation gifts that you see online that like you could then recreate. And I'm like, what happened to just like a card? Yeah, and like a thank you, and here's a gift card, have a great day. Yeah, instead I have to go out and buy like a snackle box and fill it, you know what I mean? Like fill it with all of these different things, or uh, you know, for Christmas, I have to make all these handmade gifts with my kids' footprints on them.

SPEAKER_00 9:39

Like when you know they don't it's just a lot.

SPEAKER_02 9:43

I know. Yeah, it's just a lot. And I think that I'm ready to let a lot of this go and like just be okay with like, hey, here's a card and a gift card. Or like a a bag of candy and like here's a chocolate bar and a gift card.

SPEAKER_00 10:03

When you work in a school, like you have a pulse, I'm sure, on like what they would like. They want a gift card. They want something like functional like that.

SPEAKER_02 10:10

Or like no one wants another mug. Yeah. I can just t I'm sorry if you are out there and you love mugs, but like or if you love to gift mugs.

unknown 10:22

Teachers.

SPEAKER_00 10:22

You're yucking somebody's yum, right?

SPEAKER_02 10:24

I'm sorry, but like teachers don't want mugs, and like I just don't think like we have to craft every single teacher um something like a picture frame that looks like a pencil. Like you just don't have to do it. And I feel like you know, social media like that just like gets in our heads and yeah, like all this like Pinterest crafty stuff. Like you can also just give them a gift card.

SPEAKER_00 10:47

I was gonna say, like a gift card or even just a card that the child wrote that thank you. Like it's just nice to be thought of. I don't think they're out there, you know, scorekeeping of like no so-and-so only gave me this like there it's just nice to be thought of. And like you obviously took a minute to be grateful or like, you know, have your child write a s like a nice note or whatever. Like it's just about the thought. And I was actually gonna ask you, like, how much do you think this is related to social media comparison? Just like you see what like whether it's an influencer or who like, of course, that's like their job to whatever. Like I used my cricket machine to like make pictures of my child's face and blah blah blah. Like yeah, or just somebody that you know who might have the time to do that, and then you feel like you have to. Like, I think that's a big part of how we all get swept up in this.

SPEAKER_02 11:35

I feel like we've always said that, right? Like the keeping up with the Joneses, it's like just keeping like trying to write, like I I don't want so-and-so's mom to outdo me, yeah, and then the teacher, you know, be mad that we didn't get, you know, we mean no, they're not, but also like that's also not equated in any way to like you being a good mom or a good person or like not being grateful enough.

SPEAKER_00 11:59

It's not at all about that. Everybody knows that, but it's hard to you know what teachers probably want?

SPEAKER_02 12:05

Like the good tissues. I was gonna say like time away from my teaching. Well, time away from teaching, yeah. But I mean, you know what they want? An Amazon gift card and like a box of puffs with lotion. Yeah. And maybe some puffs with lotion, puffs with lotion. And because I can tell you right now that those school tissues, you might as well wipe your nose with a piece of paper. They are sandpaper. God awful matchy.

SPEAKER_00 12:31

Yeah. So I think that's definitely something I want to let go of. Um, the pressure of like doing too much and just like doing it to the degree that it feels good to me, teaching my kids to be grateful if it's like a thank you or something like that, and like they should be involved in the recognition process. And then just for holidays, like, don't go buck wild. Like, like, I still want to keep that magic, right?

SPEAKER_02 12:56

Keep the joy. Things that bring me joy be are things that bring my kids joy, you know. But like I've also just realized like my kids don't need all of this stuff. They were happy with the box of jelly beans that I found in my work bag that I threw on the floor for the leprechaun, you know what I mean? So, like, I I think I have to stop taking that pressure too of like trying to create all of these crazy, like in quotes like magical moments. Yeah, because that's when in reality my kids are happy with any little thing. Like they they really are. I'm thankful in that way.

SPEAKER_00 13:32

Um another one is just like I mean, this is a big loaded topic, but overcommitting. Um I think for me, I often will see, you know, the emails from the school of like, you know, can you help with this? Can you be on the PTO and all these things? That's just one example. But then like activities for the children, we've talked about that, like really having to like set the limits on like number of activities we can sign up for because it it easily can just like spiral and we can't be in all these places and we can't do all these things. But I think in terms of well, I think that's hard for you too because Kevin's not right always available or whatever, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:11

Right.

SPEAKER_00 14:12

I really can't be in places if it's just me.

SPEAKER_02 14:14

Right. And I know Brendan's not as keen on activities, but like when you have when you have two, you can't be in two places at one time.

SPEAKER_00 14:24

You really can't. Um but just like the example of whatever, like school volunteering at school or wanting to be involved in their lives. Um I think about maybe the solution could just be pick one thing that we feel good about volunteering with. Um, for me, that's um they the school does a club called Recess Runners, where like, I mean, they just run laps around the school like two days a week during recess. And like I like to run. Clayton likes to run. It's like something cute that like if I'm gonna pick something, like let it be recess runners. It's 20 minutes twice a week. I can walk over if I don't have meetings. They send up a send out a sign up genius a couple weeks ahead of time, so you can like plan. Yeah. Um, and I do it if I can. And then I feel like I did something, I was seen, whatever. Not that it's about recognition, but like I can say, you know, that was the thing I had the capac capacity for, and like let that be it. And then don't feel bad. So I think that's just like one tangible solution to that.

SPEAKER_02 15:21

Um I agree with the overcommitting for sure. Mine isn't so much with the kids' activities because my kids don't seem to want to do much. I mean, it's the kids' activities, but in a different way. It's more like the school activities or like the birthday parties. Like that's where I feel like I'm stretching. Right. And it um I mean, like one example I can think of is like recently we, you know, uh Noah School has already done a color run, they've done a math and literacy night, they've they have multicultural night coming up, they had the school dance that I took part of, and like there was a parents' night out thing, and then like then they wanted to do this like trivia night. And um like while that sounded like a really fun event, like I had a mom reach out to me and she was like, Are you gonna like hey, I don't know if we have enough people, like are you planning on signing up? And not to like guilt me into it or anything, but I but I know she knows that I do a lot of people. And I was honestly just like, I don't think I can do it. Like I just have so much going on, yeah, that like I cannot add one more school activity. Like it's just it it's starting to get a little out of con like and I love that these kids get all these experiences, but like I don't remember all of that either from my childhood, right? Of like all these things. And that I guess also ties into like the Pinterest mom thing, right? Like, since when did every single school have to have um like a parent, like guardian child dance, like special person dance. And I don't want to take that away from my kids because they should have it and like we have the means to do it. It just ends up being a lot for us, you know. I'm also like helping out take care of my dad b when he's like not doing well, um, you know, and that kind of fluctuates, you know. And then there's activities for Hazel School, and then there's birthday parties. Like, I mean, we've had a birthday party almost every weekend at this point. You know, and and again, I want my kids to be able to go to these things, but then you're spending money on birthday gifts all the time. It'd be like your whole party and it's your whole weekend is dedicated. So I think that the overcommitting on like those activities, like I mean, it might get to a point where I'm just like, hey guys, we're not going to every birthday party. So you're gonna need to pick.

SPEAKER_00 17:53

Yeah. Or like you know, it's it's the friend that like you know you know the friend and you know the parents. Like, maybe if it's like if I've never heard you talk about Susie's friend, we're not gonna go. And that's okay. It's gonna be okay.

SPEAKER_02 18:07

Yeah. Um, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:10

Because I think that cutting back on these sorts of things would make room, right? In your schedule, in your life, in your mind for the stuff that you want to be doing. Because you don't want to feel burnt out and like all of this adds up, right? Like work, family commitments, like all these things just add up, and then you're adding on stuff that's like this would be great to do, but I'm not right, like I'm not finding immense joy in doing all this. A lot of it's out of obligation, and then you're just burnt out and you don't feel good about any of it. You're tired of it.

SPEAKER_02 18:42

Well, then you're just trying to like fill in the spaces with the other stuff that you want to do, right?

SPEAKER_00 18:47

And then right, no one is yeah, having fun. It's tough. It's tough. I think that that's something that I'm definitely working on, but like having a and having an easier time than I once did of like saying no to things and yeah, prioritizing and you know, not feeling yeah, like I have to sign up for everything or feeling bad.

SPEAKER_02 19:09

Have realized, and I don't know if it's this way with like your child's school, but like um like all of the events that have been going on at Noah's school have been awesome. It's always the same parents though. Yeah. Like where are all the other parents?

SPEAKER_00 19:27

But that makes me think too, like So like I I can't be at It is always the same parents, but that's also like a testament to like a lot of parents probably are better that than us at saying no. Like a lot of people Right, so I need to take the page out of their book. We're not gonna do that. We're too busy and like good for them.

SPEAKER_02 19:46

Right. And that's gonna be us this year. I'm spring cleaning, don't excite me at every event.

SPEAKER_00 19:53

I can't handle it. No, my brain is we have to say no to some things, and that's okay. It doesn't make us bad people or like not committed to the school, like, or whatever it is. It's right just there's too much. You have to drop some of the bullets.

SPEAKER_02 20:08

Um another big thing for me, and I feel like I as I've been going through my 30s, this has been like something that I clean up a little bit like more and more each year, right? But like relationships that do not bring me joy. Um whether they're toxic or I just feel like we don't have anything in common anymore. I mean, people change and that's okay, and people can grow apart, and you don't have to feel like you need to like foster that, and that can even tie into the overcommitment, right? Like, why am I gonna waste these precious moments?

SPEAKER_00 20:51

We don't have an abundance of time.

SPEAKER_02 20:53

Right, with people who are not doing anything for me, and I I definitely that has been a big thing for me, like going into like definitely into like my 30s, I've I've noticed um like a shift with that, with just like if I I don't wanna give more than I receive, and I know that a lot of relationships are give and take, and there might be times where I'm giving more than the other person in that moment. I was gonna say, like, it would hope, but then it would flip. But like if it gets to a point where we're like far down the road and like I'm asking you and calling you or planning this or planning that, and like I'm not receiving anything back like what are we doing ever, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:38

What are we doing?

SPEAKER_02 21:38

Then like you don't value our friendship.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

And that's not something you need to pour your energy into, your limited energy.

SPEAKER_02 21:45

So that's been something that is big with me, and also like I don't need to be friends with people at work, you know? So like I've definitely been like working on that. Like, not everybody at work has to like me. I am gonna be kind and respectful and professional but we don't all have to be friends and that's okay.

SPEAKER_00 22:06

But that's really interesting. Right? I do feel like I have a friend group at work. You know, like we're friends, but that is interesting. Like I think there's something in us that's usually like you have to like have a group everywhere you go. And like sometimes it can just be like that's my work. That's work. That's that. There doesn't have to be right whole thing attached to it.

SPEAKER_02 22:26

And I am I mean I've only been in this position for not even a full school year. Um and I am building relationships now. I've been spending time with some coworkers outside of work and stuff. So which is great. Yeah. But I just also have realized, especially when I started in this job, about how like Right. In the beginning I was kind of like I don't need I don't need friends. Like I don't have to do you know and if it happens naturally that's great. But like I don't I can also just do my work and go home.

SPEAKER_00 23:02

Because there should be some sort of right like line there of like it's time to go home and like turn off that yeah yeah yeah boundaries are a big one. Um yeah I think that's again it just to me like this is a big all of this is kind of just coming back to like we don't have a lot of time. And so like if I'm scheduling yen you gotta be given something bring me joy. We have to really click or you know things can evolve like friendships can evolve where like you know we might have been besties before and now maybe we are in different seasons of life or we've have less in common and like you don't have to be you know have a breakup or something like that. It's just like it's different right now and we can check in. Yeah. Um and that's fine. I think you can kind of like take take and leave it.

SPEAKER_02 23:54

Yeah. But I think that that is something that like right I just like as these seasons change I clean that up and like there are people that I'm just start to kind of pull away or fade from or just not give as much energy to I guess is the biggest thing. So maybe it's not a full spring cleaning but it's definitely a dusting. It's like a dusting it's a dusting a light dusting it's a light dusting. Um I also another one that kind of ties into that and I think that this is more me specific um is just like cleaning up this mental idea that like I and I'm sorry if you're in my family and you're listening to this um but the idea that I have to maintain relationships with family members. Um and a lot of times I think about it right I I don't have a super close relationship with my brother and there's nothing wrong with that. Um there's nothing wrong with him there's nothing wrong with me. You know we just well he's nine years older than me. So you know we've never been in the same place at the same time like ever in our life. Um and I feel like I do get a lot of grief from my mom sometimes about like you know because my brother's also not married. He doesn't have kids he's much older like we are in two completely different worlds. Um and my mom always is like saying stuff like well you know he feels like you didn't invite him or he hasn't seen the kids or blah blah blah. But yet he's not putting any effort in. And like and then I always feel like well he's my family I should be doing You know what I I can't always maintain these relationships. Like Right but there's no rule that says I think I get in my head that like like life is short, hug a loved one but like at the same time like I I can't always maintain every relationship when I'm feeling I'm the only one putting it in the And I'm not saying that specifically against my brother like I still talk to him. It's just like an example like it's just hard like I can't always be the one doing that kind of stuff.

SPEAKER_00 26:06

And it's with a lot of family members but I've heard a lot on you know the internet or whatever lately of just like the term family of origin versus chosen family. Yeah. And that maybe you know your family of origin is your family, your blood relatives and then your chosen family is friends and your village and yeah people in your life that you're close to and you might sometimes feel that that is your real family if that makes sense. Like your family of origin is right like a part of your story and a part of you but like we don't have to have that be like you know the be all end all or right I'm gonna put more energy into the people who show up for me every day.

SPEAKER_02 26:47

You know that. And a lot of them are not blood related you know like um I know we had Kate on the show or other other Kate and like her and I have been close for a really long time and Alex, her husband and my husband Zach. They went to high school together and they knew each other through college and they lived together and like they are family at this point. You know like I see them more all the time. Yeah yeah our kids get along like and Noah even brought that up recently about um we had a very strange conversation about family. You and Noah. Yeah he how do I even explain you don't have to if you don't know it was just no it was just weird he I think he equated like kids because he is only seven and we haven't really had like the birds and the bees talk. Yeah and he equated like children being just from the mom. Oh interesting he knows that like he has a mom and a dad obviously your the dad wasn't but responsible for him. So he was asking me why when my mom and dad got divorced.

SPEAKER_00 28:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 28:07

Yeah. Why did we not kick my dad out of the family? Like how you're gonna Yeah like like you're not married into the family anymore like you can go kind of thing.

SPEAKER_00 28:18

And I was like only connected into the picture by the marriage not correct. Right.

SPEAKER_02 28:23

So like like Zach is only in this because he's married to me but you produced no animal I think that that's like how his brain was working which like makes sense logically makes sense if you don't know how the baby got there to begin with. Right. You know that's so interesting. It does make sense. Yeah so like and I kept explaining to him like well if ma I was like if mommy and daddy got divorced which is never gonna happen I was like you know because I don't want to scare him or anything but and I also don't see that in our future but like if that happened like daddy's still your daddy. Right, like that doesn't change. Right and like the wheels were turning and it was like a whole thing. But then it started talking about how like families look different and that that whole thing because then of course he was like well how do babies get in there and then I was just like well it takes like a mommy parts and daddy parts and oh man you're ready you're right up against that line Emily And I was not ready we were all in the car it was always caught off guard it's just not good. Literally always went into a thing. Noah is so smart that you know we have neighbors down the street that have two moms and he said well how are they they don't have a mommy and a daddy and I was like mixed yeah exceptions Noah right and of course Zach I think like didn't shut it down but he was just kind of like that's when it started getting into like the um families can look different and he was like some things you're just not gonna understand until you're older which is okay and then he was like you know some people are raised by their grandparents or by some you know we didn't go into like the whole foster care but like some people are raised by people who are not in their family and like that whole thing. And then we just kind of tied that into like Alex and Kate are our family. Like and Zach even said like I consider them family even though they're not blood related like we we see them for everything like you know so that's my long winded version of the perfect and important and um and has nothing to do with spring cleaning but it you know it was definitely something not to wrap this up in a way that's like you're gonna spring clean your brother right on out of there but like No He's not going anywhere but you are allowed to to prioritize relationships differently and not according to blood versus like friends.

SPEAKER_00 30:48

Correct. Yes I think that's important.

SPEAKER_02 30:50

I think that is exactly where I was trying to get with that so thank you.

SPEAKER_00 30:54

I liked that story. Thank you for sharing it. Of course anytime I can I love I love a conversation a story about a conversation with a child because it's well here I have another like tiny funny story please tell of a conversation we had the other day.

SPEAKER_02 31:11

Do tell we were at and this has literally nothing to do with our topic for tonight um but I'm sure people will enjoy my tangent. It was just funny the other day we're all kind of laying in bed one weekend morning and we were asking Noah you know he's had Spanish class like kindergarten first second grade but they they rotate they only get it for like six weeks and then they go into technology and then they go back to Spanish whatever. So we were just talking about that and I was like Noah do you know like say hello in Spanish like what words do you know? Like what have you learned put your work to the test. Right and I was just like say hello and Hazel goes I know mommy and I was like go ahead and she went shalom Wow so close. I was like we're really confusing these kids the Jewish day care and the Spanish pubs I was like oh goodness.

SPEAKER_00 32:06

Oh she got so close. She was so close shalom wow that's adorable I love that I know it's my one of my favorite little stories. You gotta write that down. I know these are the things that I'm like write this down. Yeah um okay so I love this next one and you know this theme of like the 90s childhood that is circling on the internet right now this is like so interesting to me. The idea that I have to play with my kids all the time to be a good parent and constantly entertaining them. We talk about this a lot um Kevin and I and just with friends I have just I really think and I never mean for it to sound like my parents were not like active in our lives. They were not like go outside and like I'll see you like whenever like it wasn't like that but there was less structure of like every moment is accounted for and scheduled and there was definitely like you know you're allowed to be bored mommy I'm bored well like go find something to do like that's not my responsibility. Somebody I was talking to today was like I'm not a cruise director like that is not my it is not my job to entertain you 247. Do I want to make sure you have you know a wonderful enriching full life absolutely but I'm not here to entertain you.

SPEAKER_02 33:25

Well that comes with overcommitting like all of these things tying into each other right for sure. But yeah I I one wholeheartedly agree to that of just like right and my parents were not bad parents either like but it was like a I I I feel like we've talked about this before right like I was a basement kid. Like I my toys were in the basement they stayed in the basement we played in the basement like and I mean I have fond memories of sure playing I have fond of what life was like right I have fond memories of being outside until the street lights came on like I know that's dinner. Yeah right like that's something that people talk about all the time with this 90s childhood. I have you know we had a trampoline growing up and like every neighborhood kid came in our backyard. Your house is the place to be yeah and and like that idea of just like knocking on someone's door and like can they come out and play. Yes. You know and kids don't do that. They don't do that and I think part of it is like the world right like things feel more dangerous. Um which I think is just in my opinion things have always been just as dangerous.

SPEAKER_00 34:32

It's just that over like we see every bit of bad news where we didn't necessarily before.

SPEAKER_02 34:38

Yeah so like now everyone is worried yeah about everything. But like that's this stuff has al kids have always been being kidnapped and like you know and I'm not trying to make light of that but like I I I think that we do like stress about like all of this stuff. Like we our brains cannot process the amount of information that we take it.

SPEAKER_00 34:56

Yeah we're not meant to hear everybody's bad news.

SPEAKER_02 34:59

Correct and that has made us as a society completely shut down on those ideas of like just go outside and play. Yeah. You know like even now like I mean today we came home from school and they wanted to play out front and just like play chalk and stuff and like I sat outside with them because like God forbid I let my four year old play in the front yard yeah without adult supervision. Like someone would probably call DCF on me.

SPEAKER_00 35:25

It's so tricky. Yeah like I should be able to right like in theory she's wanting to go play by herself which is like the dream because we're like go entertain yourself and it's like she would have but we feel like we can't so this is a very like right naughty situation. Um but yeah also like uh but right my parents didn't entertain me.

SPEAKER_02 35:47

Every minute wasn't no and they did so they did stuff with us, you know they took us places. Right, you went on adventures I rem I have fond memories of playing Nintendo when I was younger with my mom, you know like and that was fun. And we had a great childhood but there was a lot of times where I was bored and I had to figure that out.

SPEAKER_00 36:07

And we didn't have technology to to rely on you know my kids will like if we're you know okay well go get your shoes on we're gonna go go potty we're gonna go in the car in five minutes they'll do that and then they're like what do we do now? Like they're good they have to like fill the three minutes that are left and I'm like oh my god stand there like sit and stare at the wall like I it it's like they just feel now that like they can't have something they can't like not have something to do for even like the smallest amount of time. And then I'm like did I do this?

SPEAKER_02 36:39

Like did I We did but I I don't think it's you personally as like a society have done this to our kids.

SPEAKER_00 36:46

I want to let this one go and I want to figure out how to like let this go and undo it in a way that's like safe and well I think that we have to like yeah stop overcommitting. Yeah. Stop trying to plan every activity we have to do spend more time at home spend more time in the backyard spend more time just at the park you know like I need to remind them that they have a full like art cart over there with every art supply you could want and I would be like come down here by yourselves pick something out of there and do some art like you have things in this house to entertain you. Right. But like A you don't do and B you don't need me for yeah and I'm worried that they're just like losing some of that creativity by like not using the right spontaneity. Like creativity and just like the ability to like oh well like I'm gonna do this because here it is and then you so and my kids have really big imaginations like they do.

SPEAKER_02 37:43

And when they do start to get creative or imaginative like I I love seeing it come out and I try not to like stop that you know that's really good. That's really good. But I do think right like I you know I'm already talking about like this week with spring break like oh we're gonna go to the movies and then we're gonna go here and that's more of a me thing I don't want to be home with them because that makes it harder right yeah but like they do need to just spend time at home and go figure something out.

SPEAKER_00 38:09

Go Yeah because that sounds like a catch 22. Like you don't want to stay home because you know that when you're home they expect you to entertain them 247. Right. And if I take them out there's something for you guys then we're entertained without with minimal effort from you. So you gotta break the cycle somewhere like we're gonna stay home but like I'm not gonna entertain you. You're gonna figure this out and how do we do that? Yeah I don't know. But that's something we need to spring clean.

SPEAKER_02 38:36

We need to clean that cleaned right on out of here. Right. We need a little bit more of here. Y'all do it yourself.

SPEAKER_00 38:43

Yeah they're getting old enough like it's not like we're having like 18 month old babies like go over there and like figure it out. Like we're our kids are getting big enough to to be in the world.

SPEAKER_02 38:52

And I think that we also can like like think about it in a way we're like you can do this for an hour. Yeah. This might not be all day like I'm not saying you need to go for eight hours a day and figure your life out. Like I'm saying go take a half hour to go play by yourself without me having to facilitate or be your customer or you know what I mean? Like Yes. Ugh so yeah that is a huge one that needs to get cleaned on up.

SPEAKER_00 39:26

Um the last couple for me are just kind of work related I would say um one thing is just trying to separate work and home um figuring out how to leave work at work and leave home at home and I think we've talked about this before but like I work remotely and technology being what it is it's like hard because I have Slack and email and all these things on my phone. So like sometimes if it's eight PM and I see something come through like yeah it's just easier to deal with that now than like think about it, think about it, wait till the morning whatever and I do that. But then I'm like well why did I like I'm supposed to be you know here with my kids or my husband or like doing something around the house like not that. I was at my desk all day. Um but by the same token like I do have to sometimes tend to like personal things during the workday just for like necessity.

SPEAKER_02 40:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:19

Um I think technology's a big driver of that in both directions and I don't necessarily have the answer on how to do this. I just want to figure out a way to like have a clearer delineation of work and home. And I think like I said with technology and working at home it's really hard. Um I've thought of people I know people talk about like and I do have a home office like it's a room I'm not just sitting at the dining room table in like that sort of like a blurry lined situation. I have an office that I can close the door but even still I will like have my phone. Or like it's not even that I have to like have my laptop like I can do most things on my phone.

SPEAKER_02 40:54

Can you take your work email off of your phone?

SPEAKER_00 40:56

I could I could and it's like uncomfortable to think about doing that. I'm like that might be like that gave me like an icky feeling but it's but that might be something take a step like that.

SPEAKER_02 41:07

Right. You take your work email off your phone and that makes that forces you to go check your computer if you have to it is more like an active step. That's a great I would also possibly try to like leave your computer like I don't know how often you're using your computer like throughout the day or whatever. Or like you know when you're not working. Right. But like if you leave your computer in your office.

SPEAKER_00 41:28

Yeah it's like I'd have to actually go in there like purposefully.

SPEAKER_02 41:31

So then it feels like this room is for work and I'm not working in my kitchen. Yeah everything else I'm just for not work. Everything else is for not work. And I think that would be probably be the biggest way but I also know how scary it is to not have your work email on your phone. I have it on mine.

SPEAKER_00 41:47

I am I'm pretty good about not checking it but it's hard like I don't I don't want to like wake up and like you know start the day at nine with like a bunch of emails. Like I kind of like having like a handle on what's happening.

SPEAKER_02 41:59

You could also maybe just allot yourself like okay after the kids go to bed I'm gonna give myself 15 minutes to just run through so that I know that I'm mentally prepared for what's sitting in there. And then that's that. But not checking it every time you get a notification like seeing it pop up.

SPEAKER_00 42:17

Yeah that's true. Even like turning off notifications would probably be helpful. Probably would be super helpful. When I click on the icon I could see what came in and not like every like blip and bloop.

SPEAKER_02 42:28

Also because I for me personally I don't like notifications on my phone so if I get one I have to clear it.

SPEAKER_00 42:34

Like I can't I don't know when people are like look at this I have like 8,000 unread Gmails and like that gives me like the most anxiety I can imagine. Like get out of here with that. No. I know I would throw my phone in the ocean. Um oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 42:48

So yeah turn those notifications off leave your computer in your office. I love that I love that I love that give yourself like a 10 to 15 minute window before bed to check your email.

SPEAKER_00 42:58

Because I do think like you know my kids are aware that I'm on my phone when I am and like if something comes in and I'm like oh my gosh that's so annoying like why did she say that or whatever it is. Yeah. And like I'm like annoyed and I'm so like no one's even like making me check it. Like that's the other thing is like my work culture is not like no one's expecting me on after five but I like do it for my like I want to in a way but then I'm like oh I just got myself riled up like the few hours that I get with my kids for for what? Right so yeah I have the motivation it's just like the the practice I need to put it into practice spring clean that right thank you for those action steps Emily. Yes. Um I don't know if you have anything that you'd add here. I'll just start but this is probably my like biggest one honestly is just like I really want to figure out how to not need external validation to like feel good about myself. And I would say like my love language is um words of affirmation. Like that's it's just like at my core. It's like I need it sounds like icky to say like I need praise but like I need somebody to like say that I'm doing a good job because I just don't have I'm not a confident person by nature. I've never have been. Like I've struggled in like sports and everything growing up. Like what do people think? Did I mess up? Like are they mad at me? Like that's just like part of who I am and I think like the closer I'm getting to 40 and like just like going through life, I'm getting so much better at it. But I still like at my core like need validation. And I'm finding with work in particular, like I've been in the marketing communications like social media world for like 20 years. Like I'm good at this stuff and like objectively I get it but I still will have days where I'm like do they think like I'm in like imposter syndrome is so real for me and like um am I like a fraud? Like do I not did I just like accidentally end up in this job. But like I know that's not true but I'll like feel it. And so I I need to figure this out because it just like eats away at me.

SPEAKER_02 44:52

Yeah. I mean I think that that's like two sided right like I'm sure that there's some work that could be done to like help you through that. But also I think it's okay to want to be praised.

SPEAKER_00 45:04

Yeah you know like it feels weird to say it out loud. It's like I don't want to be like fishing for compliments. I don't know. I kind of do but like I don't know it's tricky.

SPEAKER_02 45:13

But like that feels good to anyone. Yeah that's okay. To get that validation that like you're doing a good job or that like you're wanted in your company or that like you know just everyone wants that. So I think that that feeling is valid and like yeah the idea of the imposter syndrome that's where it gets tricky right because like that's something I think you have to work on on your own.

SPEAKER_00 45:43

It's like why can't I just believe it internally by seeing like my results and like I'm a good writer. I know I am like I'm doing like the work I'm doing is like in the field I wanted to like I'm doing exactly what I've always worked for. Yeah and what I enjoy. Like the I definitely didn't just like stumble into this position or like anything like that. So I don't even know where it comes from. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 46:04

That's tricky and I don't really have any suggestions for that.

SPEAKER_00 46:09

Back to therapy I mean back to therapy it always helps. It does always help. Um but I would love to spring clean that I just think that's something that I spend a lot of like mental energy on and just and maybe we have listeners that have ideas for that.

SPEAKER_02 46:25

So if you do I mean it's a little help Kate out and uh get her on the right path. But I think it's valid. I mean everyone wants to feel good about what they're doing or like you know get a shout out or you know I I mean I love that stuff too at work and um yeah um luckily I I do work in a place where people love to tell you how you're doing um for better or worse. For better or worse. Yeah um but I I do get a good amount of compliments so I've have been feeling pretty confident.

SPEAKER_00 47:00

Can I come work with you? Just kidding No I actually did have a a supervisor like a couple jobs back who asked us and like this is so smart and so interesting. He was a great boss. I was only there a few months because Kevin ended up I mean it doesn't matter. We didn't live in Baltimore for very long. Yeah. But he was a really good boss and he asked us like what not like what is your love language but like how do you like to receive feedback or like whatever however he said it and I was like I'm like to be told I'm doing a good job. And he like really listened and would like you know like give that um and not ever I forget what other people you know I don't remember what the options were. But like he like cared enough to ask and would like do that. Like that that was really good.

SPEAKER_02 47:40

So that is very smart on his end. And I wish more managers and bosses would do the same thing because I feel like a lot of people could use for sure.

SPEAKER_00 47:51

It's like the you know praise or you know whatever like feedback in the way that helps you. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 47:58

Well maybe spring cleaning isn't about doing more and maybe it's more just about carrying less. A lot less pressure, a lot less worry, a lot less brain space on things that we don't want or need or things that we feel obligated to yeah. Just clean up our lives and make it ex you know, we're in control. Yeah. So we can make it how we want to make it I love that. Do we end with like maybe something that you want to keep?

SPEAKER_00 48:36

Oh uh I want to keep time for myself and time for my family where my brain isn't spread across a million other things whether that's work emails that I shouldn't have checked or um just clutter. I want to have you know if I feel like if I put this into practice and spring clean a little bit I'll have a clearer head for those things that matter.

SPEAKER_02 49:03

Yeah I definitely want to keep the you know time for myself definitely the self-care um that's a big one for me. Obviously time with my family I feel like that's just a given um but then spend time on people who fill my cup yes so to hell with the rest of them just kidding okay well until next time I hope you enjoyed it thanks for tuning in give us your feedback what do you want to clean up and how can you help my imposter syndrome bye