Ep. 9: Who were we before kids?

In this episode, we talk about the people we were before we had kids. The parts we miss, the parts we don't miss, and the parts that brought us to where we are today. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Welcome to Mond Group, the podcast for anxious moms, busy moms, and all the moms trying to hold it all together.

SPEAKER_00 0:10

We're your friends, Kate and Emily, two months who know what it feels like to juggle kids, schedules, and that never-ending mental load, all while trying not to lose ourselves in the process.

SPEAKER_01 0:20

We'll talk about the messy moments, the funny ones, and the things that keep us up at night. Because we all know motherhood isn't always a perfect.

SPEAKER_00 0:28

Whether you're listening in the cargo line, hiding in the pantry for a little peace and quiet, or just needing to hear from someone who gets it, you're in the right place.

SPEAKER_01 0:36

So grab your coffee or reheat it for the third time. And let's dive in to pop group. Hey everybody, welcome back. We're here. This is Emily and Kate, as you know, episode nine. Um that's crazy, actually. Episode nine.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

Oh, we're gonna have ten episodes. We're doing it. I know. We're doing it, Emily.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

We have only talked about this for like a million years before we started, and I'm really proud of us. Me too. And I know it's only nine episodes, but like nine.

SPEAKER_00 1:09

That's a big deal. I know.

SPEAKER_01 1:10

It feels cool. Maybe we'll do a little party for episode 10. Yes. Um, how's your week going? What's what's up?

SPEAKER_00 1:18

Pretty good. Um, we were just laughing because I had to check the Phillies score on my phone before we pressed a record. I love the Phillies. That's a fun fact about me. Um baseball seasons, baby. So uh yeah, I'm just feeling like excited about that, excited about spring weather. It was 80 today here in New Jersey. Um just like, I don't know, we uh we registered my younger son for kindergarten today. I we signed up for the swim club last week. Like just like all of these fun things, and like feeling very just like rejuvenated heading into like I don't know, some late spring and summer.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

We um Hazel's also registered for kindergarten. It's like wild that our babies are our COVID babies. Our COVID babies are going to school. Um but I am looking forward to it. I know um it's like a weird end of a chapter, right? Of like not having a child in daycare anymore. Yes. Um, but I'm looking forward to one drop off, yes, one schedule, one that'll be so nice. One lack of payment. I was like, how do I say that right? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:34

Um exciting more dollar in my bank account.

SPEAKER_01 2:39

Um yeah, I'm I'm excited about that too.

SPEAKER_00 2:42

So what's going on with you? Anything anything new lately or no? Just kind of the same.

SPEAKER_01 2:47

Yeah, same old, same old, you know?

SPEAKER_00 2:50

Yeah. Juggling all the things, doing that great. As we do, as we do.

SPEAKER_01 2:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:55

Good.

SPEAKER_01 2:56

Um, I feel like as we go into this episode, uh, I was just been thinking about like the person who that existed before I became a mom, right? Like, who is that person? Um, not that like I wish I could go back or that I severely miss this person or anything. Although there are some days where I definitely miss sure um who she was, but more just like trying to remember like the dreams I had or the thoughts I had of what life would look like and just like you know, um yeah, like how I could make plans without factoring in everyone's needs and you know, stuff like that. So I just thought maybe it would be fun to talk about more of like uh get to know us at a little bit of a deeper level or maybe a more fun level of like who were we before we had kids and how did we deal with things maybe prior to our postpartum anxieties and depressions and life crushing um economies.

SPEAKER_00 4:08

I don't know. Oh, yes, all of the challenges and fun adulting things. Right.

SPEAKER_01 4:14

So, like what was it like to leave the house without packing for an hour, like we're going on vacation and making sure the diaper bag has eighty-five thousand snacks, you know, snacks and changes of clothes and all of that.

SPEAKER_00 4:29

So it's honestly like so funny. I love this topic and that we're doing it, but I'm having a hard time like remembering. It's so weird. So I'm gonna try to like bring her out. Right?

SPEAKER_01 4:40

Like reach deep within and think of like, yeah. I mean, who were you, Kate, before before kids? Like tell me about you more in high school, college.

SPEAKER_00 4:54

Like who was I feel like Kate before I just children. And I mean, like, it's gonna sound bad, but like I just feel like I was selfish, like I just worried about myself and then I don't know, my like early twenties were filled with some like questionable choices and too much drinking and but yeah, just like the theme is just worrying about me only. Um after college I went to college here in state and I like you know was able to still come home on weekends or whatever. I lived away, but I, you know, remained close closest to home. Then I moved away to North Carolina for a year, then I moved to Georgia for a year for not more than a year, for several years. So I was just kind of like zigging and zagging like where the wind blew. Like I was I really wanted to work in college athletics, which I did for a while, um, until I wanted to have kids and like met Kevin and that just didn't work for our schedules for both of us to remain doing that kind of like crazy schedule um situation that it was. But like, yeah, I just made every choice based on like exactly what I wanted to do. Um I worked out a lot, I ran a lot, I did a lot of races, and you're sitting underneath my rack of medals and Emily often hits her head on my metals that are hanging.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

It's okay. It's just part of the experience.

SPEAKER_00 6:22

Yeah, I mean, you know, I would wake up hungover a lot and just like and it was okay because I could sleep till I whenever I wanted to and go get a like a late breakfast and just like whatever I wanted to do, I did. I think I was fun. I mean, I would say so. I hope other people thought so, and it was pretty fun. Um like yeah, just high energy, like schedule still like packed to the brim, I guess, as it remains now, but like different act different things. But yeah, just like I would say like not a care. Not a care in the world. I was still like an anxious person, but like they were like, I don't know, just like manageable worries and like you know.

SPEAKER_01 7:04

I think that's what's so crazy about me is that I did not have these anxieties. Really? Yeah, I was never an anxious person. I'm I and for the most part I'm still like pretty go with the flow. Like I can do that with like within reason. Yeah. Um, but never like had the panic attacks that I d do now, which I I haven't actually knocked on wood, like had one in a while because I'm you know have done so much work on that. But yeah, like that stuff did not come until later. So interesting. I mean, high school, college, I was a big music person. Like concerts every weekend, um, definitely like financially irresponsible. Yeah. Um should have said that too. Yes. Uh dating life was all over the place, you know. Um, definitely cared more about what I looked like, and not that I don't care about what I look like now, but like in a different way, you know, just like having, you know, like dressing up to go to parties and stuff like that. And I think a lot of people can relate, right? Like college is always gonna be different than how it is now. But like yeah, I definitely just spent more time on different things. Like music played such a big role in my life. Like, I the amount of concerts, the amount of um you were like emo girl too, right? We talked about Jack's manager. Yeah, as emo girl to my core, like the amount of dashboard confessional concerts I've been to or taking back Sunday. Like I used to like s hang around at the venues like after like waiting to meet the bands and like Did you meet anyone? Yeah, I mean I've met Taking Back Sunday, I've met Dashboard, I've met Um Andrew McMahon. Yeah, like I've met a lot of people. And the wilderness? Yes, definitely the wilderness. Also the wilderness. Um I love that. Yeah, so like, and that was just huge. Like, I I it's so funny because people ask me about it all the time, but like I have a tattoo of Philadelphia on my foot. You do, I know, and like nowadays I don't go into Philly even a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 9:18

It's like a big deal to cross the bridge. Correct.

SPEAKER_01 9:21

Um, and I love the city, I do, but I will say that back in late high school, early college, I spent all of my time in the city. Like just it was a home away from home, and like just going to all the places and different concert venues, and I had a lot of friends that went to Drexel and spent time at their houses, like at their apartments, and um yeah, so life has just changed a lot. Yes, a lot more drinking back then, a lot more late nights. Um and and I don't miss that.

SPEAKER_00 10:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:04

I do miss that carefree aspect of life.

SPEAKER_00 10:10

I think I miss like the ability to do that, if that makes sense. Like I would like to have the choice to do that. I don't want to do that, but I want to be like if I wanted to go party in Philadelphia, like I would like to have the option, and I will say no, but like it's just crazy that like there's just like a world that you can no longer like really access.

SPEAKER_01 10:35

Yes, it's so wild. Um but yeah, I think I miss the spontaneity of it too, because like there is no spontaneous.

SPEAKER_00 10:46

28 business days notice to do something like that. Correct.

SPEAKER_01 10:51

Like when you're giving to like plan a coffee date, I'm like, No, it's so hard. And you get together.

SPEAKER_00 10:56

Sometimes when we are trying to get together with our mom's group, it'll be like, all right, like what's everyone's July looking like? Because it's so hard to get everybody together, and like we know we like when like the plan actually comes, you're like, Are we gonna cancel? Like, is somebody gonna cancel? Like, especially. Usually somebody does. It'd be fine if somebody canceled. Like, does anyone have the sniffles? Like, it's my I know.

SPEAKER_01 11:18

I think the last time we all went out was like the first time that all of us were able to be happy, yeah. Um, what parts of your identity do you think felt the strongest before motherhood? Like career, friendships, hobbies, freedom, like what was the strongest for you?

SPEAKER_00 11:37

Career, like I said before, I really wanted to work in college sports, and like those were just to do that is like crazy hours, and um, like I worked nights and weekends and traveled a lot and like um you know, didn't get paid a lot, and it was just like I wanted to do that so badly that I like did all those things and I moved around and um it was really fun. Like I'm glad I did that. Um that's how I met my husband, and he still works in that industry, so like he still does travel um and work nights and weekends, and that's why I had to transition out. Um, but I like really like worked hard for my career um in a way that I was proud of, and um, you know, moving away to gave me a lot of great lessons and opportunities and friendships and things like that. Like I'm so happy that I had those adventures. Um now I live back in my hometown, so like it's just very interesting. But um, I would say career and then um like I was saying, like my focus on running, I ran a marathon in 2013, which I worked really hard for. Um, I still do like to run. It's just harder to find, you know, the time to train, and I have to be more okay with like I'm real slow, and that's okay. Like I'm gonna finish and I'm not doing any marathons. I think those days are behind me, but that was a great goal, and I did it. Um, so I would say like career and just like fitness and um I don't want to say it was like health, because I was drinking a lot and like you know, not great choices, but like I could commit to like sticking to a training plan for a race, and I guess just like the freedom to do what I wanted when I wanted. Um that would be it for me. What about you?

SPEAKER_01 13:18

I think the part of my identity that was the strongest before motherhood was probably my friendships.

SPEAKER_00 13:25

It's interesting, that's like the one I didn't say. I really do think I was selfish, and that's okay.

SPEAKER_01 13:30

Yeah. Well, but like I think it ties into like what I've talked about in previous episodes where like, you know, now I don't feel as much like I have that solid core group of friends that like I do everything with or they choose me, and you know, like I I do have that and like I know it sounds so stupid when I like bring this up and like that I feel that way sometimes. But I guess it's because like I'm always searching for like I had a best friend in high school and through college and even like right up until like Noah was born, or like I mean she had met him, she was at his first birthday party. Um and if she's listening, I you know, I think about her all the time. Um but like I had this person that was like almost soulmate-ish, you know, without being a soul, you know what I mean, like as a friendship. And I feel like that was just so solid, and we had, you know, a crew of people that like we saw all the time and like people that we spent majority of our time with, and you know, you always knew where you were going or what you were doing or who you were hanging out with. It was just like set and I would have done anything for these people, you know.

SPEAKER_00 14:47

Was this your music concert crew or was that a different group?

SPEAKER_01 14:51

Um, no, I mean I did a lot of concerts with my sister when I was younger, um, before she like moved away and stuff that she she's really one of my mo like biggest music people that I did a lot of stuff with. But yes, this friend was also at most of the concerts and stuff with me. Um yeah, and I mean I met her in sixth grade and we had been close uh again, like I said, she was at Noah's first birthday. I don't know when things started dying off. Um, but that was probably one of my strongest things before motherhood was just like knowing that I had these people. Like I I mean, me and her got voted always together girls in the um in the yearbook. Yeah, like people knew she had keys to my house. Like I had an extra bed for her at my dad's house. Like it was just I I there was one time in the summer where she spent so much time at my house that her mom called my mom to say, Can you send her home because I miss her and we haven't seen her. Oh and obviously I'm having an independence. Yes. They were like, She needs to also come home, but like just so much time. Um so that was definitely strong. And sometimes I do feel like I lack some of those like solid friendships, you know. But also that just it I it's not that I lack those friendships, I know that they're there, but that's like it's different.

SPEAKER_00 16:18

Just because life is different, it looks different.

SPEAKER_01 16:21

Yeah, we're all being pulled 9,000 different ways. So how could you spend all of your time with someone?

SPEAKER_00 16:27

Yeah. How could you nurture that in the same way that you were able to? Right. It's not possible. Yeah. It's it's not possible. Um we could do a whole episode on friendships, I think, and like adult friendships and how hard it is to find your people, keep your people.

SPEAKER_01 16:42

I feel like we talk about this in every episode. This is like definitely an underlying theme. Um of stuff that we yeah. But I mean, like the freedom too was definitely strong. I went to whatever activity I wanted, I went to whatever concert I wanted, I went to whatever party I wanted. Like yeah, I worked, but I was not career focused when I was younger. Um you know, I'm an economics major. I don't know if you even knew that. I don't think I knew that. Yeah. Um, I have not worked in that industry ever.

SPEAKER_00 17:19

Um were you a realtor? Or you were gonna do that?

SPEAKER_01 17:22

Well, I had my realtor's license for a little while because for like a short period of mm, I mean a few years out of college, I worked in property management. Oh, okay. Yeah. I guess if we weren't really want to like talk about like who we were, um, right? Like I can go through all my jobs. I worked at out of high school, I worked at Bath and Body Works until I got fired for coupon fraud. What? Yeah, did you actually do it? Or was it wrongful accusation? I mean, I feel wrongful accusation, but they would I'm sure Bath and Body would disagree. Would disagree. I know, craziness, right? After that, um, you know, because I worked my whole way through college. Um, I was, you know, not fortunate enough to not be able to work.

SPEAKER_00 18:15

To work while you were going there.

SPEAKER_01 18:18

Yeah, which is fine, and I think it built character. Um, but a a lot of like more dead endy jobs, you know. I worked at the Camden Aquarium, um Adventure Aquarium. Yeah. I started off in the gift shop. Wow. And then I worked my way up to photography manager.

SPEAKER_00 18:36

Oh. I know. You're just a Pandora's box. Yeah. Um I didn't know this.

SPEAKER_01 18:44

So then I graduated college and I was like, what am I gonna do with this economics degree? And then I decided that I didn't want to do anything with it. So I went back to school for um what is it? Medical assisting.

SPEAKER_00 19:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 19:03

So total 180. Um, so I went to school for like phlebotomy and medical assisting. And then I realized that pays literally nothing. I mean, maybe it does now more, but like But you're gonna say you realize you don't like to draw people's blood. It's like well, I also don't love that. I mean, I did it, it was fine. Um yeah, like that was fine. So right, I don't have that license anymore either because I've let that last lapsed. Oh yeah, and I wasn't gonna keep up with that. But while I was in school for that, my mom had worked in property management for a really long time and she was like they're looking for, you know, people to go into like they're starting up a new, I don't know, management company or whatever. And so she had got me a job within her company and that was being like taken over and stuff. So I started as just like a what do they even call that? Like uh I wasn't a manager or anything yet, but I started as just like I would show apartments and like make commission and stuff. Um kind of like a realtor in a way, a little bit, yeah. I did end up getting my real estate license through this job because New Jersey, I guess, passed a law that like you had to have your real estate license in order to be a property manager.

SPEAKER_02 20:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 20:23

Um, so they sent us all to real estate school. So I did that. That also has lapsed at this point um in my life. I know. This is crazy.

SPEAKER_00 20:31

No, I'm thinking this all through, and not that you're trying to make a career pivot now, but I almost wonder like if you wanted to. I feel like you could like pick some of these other things back up. No, you wanted to. No, okay.

SPEAKER_01 20:41

I mean I could, but yeah. But then I did go in like while I was in property management as a a leasing consultant, that's what it was. You know, leasing apartments. Um, I did that for like a while and then like worked my way up through there too and became like assistant property manager. I had two different properties and it was like, you know, it was a lot of work and a lot of it was there was a lot of to that job. Um and but it paid well. I made commission on top of it, like so that was really good. Um, and then some stuff happened within that company and I, you know, did you commit coupon fraud again? No more no more coupon fraud. Um but I did end up quitting um because I felt as though it was becoming a toxic work environment and they were kind of like giving me no other choice. Um That's fair. Yeah, and I mean the company didn't fight it, I got unemployment. So and then I started working in a school district and I took a huge pay cut. Um but honestly, it's been like ten years now that I've been working for a school district and I do like I like it what I do a lot. Yes. That's so valuable.

SPEAKER_00 21:55

I mean we need money, and I wanna I don't want to say like it's worth it to be. Happy because I know there's like practicalities with needing money for things.

SPEAKER_01 22:03

But like I do think if you're happier, like the pay cut is yeah, and and like I've gone through a couple districts now and my pay has gotten better um as I move around and find better financial options. But um but also like Zach and I take into account a lot that like working for a school district, I get a lot of these holidays off, and then we don't have to find childcare for them, or you know, I get done at 315, 330, and I can get the kids home, you know. Like so there are other benefits to it. Yes, there's a lot. Also, my health insurance is amazing.

SPEAKER_00 22:42

Like we pay very almost like extra salary.

SPEAKER_01 22:49

I mean it is yes, if it's so like if you factor that into that, you know, like that, it it it we pay like almost nothing. And you know, I know I've talked about it before that but Zach and I had to do IVF for both kids, and like I paid almost nothing. That's amazing to do IVF, which is amazing, and I know how fortunate I am, but that also is due to like having the state insurance and you know being in a nice good state that supports it. Mm-hmm. Yeah, New Jersey. So anyway, that's like my that's where I'm like, I I don't feel like career was ever strongest when I was younger. It wasn't like your identity. It was kind of like and it still hasn't been my identity ever. Yeah. You know? So yeah, not my strongest.

SPEAKER_00 23:36

Um friendships, freedom.

SPEAKER_01 23:39

Yeah, freedom for sure.

SPEAKER_00 23:40

Freedom.

SPEAKER_01 23:42

Oh my god, why did I um let's see what else is on our little list here of things we wanted to bring up tonight? How did you handle stress before you had kids?

SPEAKER_00 23:55

Um I don't want to make it sound like I just drink too much. I mean they probably did, but I would say drinking, just like disassociating from stress with no responsibilities. Um I mean, I still was anxious and like had my OCD tendencies that I have. Um I guess I just think it's easier to deal with things because like there was just less stress in general, if that makes sense. Like if something was stressing me, it's like after work I could come home and like there wasn't any other responsibilities. So I could more like get myself out of it or like go for a run and do yeah, like whatever, like to take care of myself and help myself come out of it. Where like now where I struggle is like if I come home from a stressful day or like something's bothering me and I can't stop thinking about it, like I still have to parent. Like nobody's like, Oh, like let me come and like take the kids because like you had a sad day. Like, no, like I still have to do so. That's where I think it's harder.

SPEAKER_01 24:56

Yeah. Well, there was a lot more self-care.

SPEAKER_00 24:58

More self-care, more time, more like time to think. Like now it's just like, oh gosh, sometimes I can't like even think about what might be bothering me. Yeah. Um I definitely don't think I I mean I definitely have more coping tools now with just like medication and like therapy that I've done and supports that I have and things, but like it's just like sometimes harder to implement the things, even though I know of them, just because of like it's just relentless here at home sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 25:27

Um it just never nothing shuts off ever. No, yeah, no, it sure does.

SPEAKER_00 25:35

How about you? Um honestly with stress, you like weren't super stressed.

SPEAKER_01 25:45

I didn't get super stressed. Yeah, like I just did my own thing. I probably just like suppressed most of it. Yeah. Um yeah, I can't really think of a time where I was like stressed.

SPEAKER_00 25:59

I love that for you. I've always been stressed about things.

SPEAKER_01 26:02

I I mean, I wish No, I mean that's No, I I I guess I don't wish stress upon myself, but like maybe that would be helpful to like cope with it a little bit more as an adult with the children. Um, but yeah, I mean I can't really think of like super stressful times.

SPEAKER_00 26:24

Um are there parts of yourself that you feel like you have lost or had to pause during motherhood?

SPEAKER_01 26:33

Well, yeah, I mean I definitely have lost that huge music, like big influence. And like, yes, Zach and I still go to concerts where I go to concerts with my sister and stuff like that, but just like I mean, that was my identity. Um, and I don't think that I could name like new songs anymore. You know, like that was definitely like something that like I took pride in of just like making my playlists and doing this and like having this whole identity of just like being on top of like all new artists and um stuff like that, and it sounds so crazy. And that's kind of really what I wanted to do in life was to own my own music venue and like it's not too late, Emily. But like, but that was part of like my identity, and like that's just like it was so tied into everything. So tied into like how much I enjoyed music, you know. Um yeah, so I think that I mean I feel like I've lost a little bit of a lot of people. That's like a big part of your life, a big interest, and it sort of just has to be in the background. Yeah, and I still listen to you know a lot of music and stuff like on my own. I definitely want to like introduce more of it to my kids. I just am sometimes worried that maybe it's not appropriate yet. Eventually it will be. Yeah, we'll get there. No big deal. I did buy Hazel a Spice Girl shirt. Oh which like so not like my emo self, but like when I was a kid Spice Girls were spice girls. I mean, come on.

SPEAKER_00 28:13

And I got omnipresent, they had a place everywhere.

SPEAKER_01 28:17

Um but I'm very excited that they had one at Old Navy and I scooped that bad boy up.

SPEAKER_00 28:23

Love it.

SPEAKER_01 28:26

Yeah. Um is there anything you feel you you lost?

SPEAKER_00 28:31

I would say just like the time to commit to things, like whether it's career or fitness or a hobby, like just the time to like A think about what I wanted to do and B like execute it. I feel like it's just like again with just like juggling all the balls in the air and like keeping one up and then another's about to drop, keeping that one up, like I don't I guess I've just lost like the time and focus to like be really committed to something where now it's like you know, everything it's just like my abilities or time are like spread across everything. Um so I don't know what I'll what if I you know I get extra time. Like I don't know what I would give that to right now, but just like think yeah, feeling just like I'm surviving with giving a little bit of what I have to everything that needs that needs me. And um, yeah, I don't know. When I get more time back and the kids are bigger, I don't we'll see where where that goes. Like I still work out and exercise when I have time. It's not like you know, the amount of time that it used to be or like really focused on any one thing, but we'll see.

SPEAKER_01 29:38

So do you think that when you were this younger, more free version of yourself, did you have um like one, did you have like that, like did you always know you wanted to be a mom? And did you have expectations for motherhood that maybe didn't pan out?

SPEAKER_00 29:58

I think I I wanted to be a mom. I don't want this to like sound bad. I I did, but I don't think I ever thought hard about it. Like if I really wanted it. I just was like, that's what you do.

SPEAKER_01 30:10

Like you I think I kind of feel the same way. Like I don't remember having this like innate calling.

SPEAKER_00 30:15

I was not like a mom like um a child playing with dolls being like, I'm gonna be a mommy. Like my sister was always like meant to be a mom and was like the neighborhood babysitter, and um I was not like that. I don't have like the maternal instincts of like someone who's like dreamed about being a mom. I wanted to because I think I thought like that's what you do. You like meet the boy, you buy the house, you have the babies, you like find a job, like whatever, in whatever order. Yeah, I should have said that in right, but like just that it's like what you do. Yeah. And I come from like a traditional, you know, upbringing, like my mom and dad. Like, it's just all like traditional, and so that's what I saw. Um, and so I guess like similarly, I didn't think too hard about like what motherhood would be. Almost like I thought it would be easy in a way. It's like that's what you do, you like have babies and they like fit into your life. And yeah, that was not the case, Emily.

SPEAKER_01 31:10

No, I think that was a huge one for me too, right? Like, I think you hit the nail on the head when you say like that you assume that they would just fit into your life.

SPEAKER_00 31:18

Like, have them, and the fact that people have them means it must be like pretty easy. Like they just we just have babies, and then like we keep on keeping on.

SPEAKER_01 31:27

And that is so not the case.

SPEAKER_00 31:30

You have to learn to like fit everything else in versus fitting them in to the everything else. Right, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 31:35

It's you need to fit into their life. Yeah, yeah. And that's a lesson I feel like fitting into yours.

SPEAKER_00 31:42

I'm like still learning that almost in a way. Like, I don't know, there's times where I'm like, oh dude, like I just want to like scroll my phone. Why are you talking to me? And I'm like, wait, like, I'm your mom, like everything else needs to wait because like you're the also you're the main thing.

SPEAKER_01 31:58

Yeah, I think sometimes too, like it's hard to remember that like they're people. Yes, you know, yes, like sometimes you're just like, oh, they're my kids. Oh my kids, my kids, but like they're also just like a little person that is trying to like learn how to do life, and they like need us for that.

SPEAKER_00 32:17

Like that is what scares me. And like I always think, like, when is the grown up gonna come and help? And I'm like, I'm the grown-up. Like, why am I in charge? Like that like hits me like every so often of like, no, like they didn't ask to be here, like we brought them here and they're our responsibility. Like, of course I understand that and know that, but like it does hit me every now and then. Yeah, oh man. So I guess to answer your your question, like I I wanted kids, but from like a very like bird's eye view, yeah. I don't think I ever thought very much about the nitty-gritty of it. Um I never like changed a diaper growing up. Like, I didn't spend a lot of time with kids, it was just like you have kids. That's what like we do. Um and I just thought, like, how hard could it be? Like, everyone has kids. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:06

So I think it's I'm in a very similar life space with that too. Yeah, like I don't remember ever like picturing my life and like, yeah, like what it would be like. It was just like, oh, I got married and now we have kids. Yeah, that's just the path.

SPEAKER_00 33:23

Like, that's like I knew I wanted kids, but right, like I think it's sometimes it's like, you know, I don't live in a world of like I'm not a big like regrets person. I'm like a look forward person. Yeah. But like it is sometimes like, oh, what would I do if I like knew what it would be? Like, I don't know. Just like if I had known more, would I have been like too scared to have kids? Like, I don't know. I'm kinda like, it's probably best I didn't know how hard it would be. Just interesting. 100%. Just interesting. 100%. Um yeah, that's what I would say for like the expectations first reality. Just that like, how hard could it be? And like narrator, like it's real hard. Yeah, it could be real hard, and it is.

SPEAKER_01 34:07

So um, do you think that there are any parts that you don't miss that you're like glad that they're in the past?

SPEAKER_00 34:17

Yeah, I mean, I just made some, you know, what are you doing? Um, I just like this steady life that I live now. Like I would say I'm almost boring, like I am boring. I'm tired and I go to bed early and I like to be in my jams, and um I've cut back on drinking a lot. I'm actually like very con much considering like stopping drinking. Um, I've been wrestling with that a lot. Um just like a healthier, like boring life. Um is like I'm happy to be in this place and grateful for like the memories of like the fun girl. Yeah. The fun spontaneous girl. I don't like wish that she was here. Um I think I still am like very capable of like turning up and having a good time. Um like I just went away with my dad and my brother to spring training, speaking of my love for baseball. Like when I don't have my kids and like I can sleep in, like, I can be real fun. But like I just that's like a sometimes treat, you know. Like I just like this little boring life. Yeah. So I am fun. You are. Thank you for saying that.

SPEAKER_01 35:29

You am I mean Zach and I love hanging out with you and Kevin. Oh, that's very nice. We definitely need to do it more. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 35:36

What about you? How does your um I other parts that you don't miss?

SPEAKER_01 35:41

Uh definitely like not having any money, like being broke. I feel like broke all the time, you know. So like not that I'm like some rich person now, but just like having that financial stability, um having a solid relationship that I can count on um is amazing now. So yeah. Um just like the brokenness, I think, is it's like Brandon.

SPEAKER_00 36:11

And like you said, like we I would we're not rich by any means either, but like it's just nice to not have to like worry. Like I do think I were I didn't have any money and I also didn't make good choices.

SPEAKER_01 36:21

Probably one of the biggest things, like I know we said it before, like, how did I deal with stress? Like the money thing was probably the one thing that like stress no, that like stressed me out like just like I feel like I was broke forever. Like, yeah. I mean, I also made poor decisions too when it like financially and like had gotten myself into credit card debt and also like took out additional student loans to like help me pay my rent.

SPEAKER_00 36:44

Like and then like they were like let us do as young people as well. I know it's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 36:49

Yeah, like my front what is it, my frontal lobe wasn't developed. Like who trusted us? Who decided to let me even go to college? Oh my god. Yeah. So I don't know. Yeah. Where do we go from here? Such a deep country. I think like the the good thing is, is like I think that both of us are the same person, right? Like, like that that girl that we loved and partied with and had fun with is in there. Um, but she's older and she's wiser, yeah and she's stronger, and we are carrying so much more. Yes. And I think that we have to give ourselves grace and just appreciate like who we've become, you know? Like, mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 37:41

Yeah. I'm grateful for my experiences and like the paths, I guess, that led me to this place. I don't like want to go back. Like I said, I don't want to go back. I don't miss that. I'm just like grateful and like feel like I was shaped by those experiences. A hundred percent. Even choices that I'm not proud of or whatever, like brought me here, not to be cheesy, but like, you know, everything kind of like puts you on the path you're on.

SPEAKER_01 38:03

So yeah, just feel I think we're just like layered, right? We're layered with more perspective and responsibility, um, emotions, honesty, um, and and I'm happy to have that.

SPEAKER_00 38:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:18

Yeah. And I think it makes us two kick-ass moms.

SPEAKER_00 38:22

Totally, totally.

SPEAKER_01 38:24

Yeah. So well, this was fun. This was fun. And we'll do it again soon. Bye. Bye.