Momfuel & Mindset - SEASON 2: Episode 3 - Gentle Parenting!

We all want to be the calm, emotionally regulated mom… until you’re exhausted, overstimulated, touched out, running on cold coffee, and your teenager just hit you with the eye roll of the century. 😅

In this episode, we’re talking about the real side of gentle parenting — the mom rage, the guilt after snapping, nervous system overload, and the pressure to stay calm all the time. Whether you’re parenting toddlers, teenagers, or both at once, this is the honest conversation moms actually need.

Because believing in gentle parenting doesn’t mean parenting always feels gentle.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

We're back. It's your mom friends. I'm Chrissy. And I'm Jess. And today we are talking about gentle parenting. We all want to be the calm, emotionally regulated mom until you're exhausted, overstimulated, touched out, running on cold coffee, and your teenager just hit you with the eye roll of the century. In this episode, we're talking about the real side of gentle parenting: the mom rage, the guilt after snapping, the nervous system overload, and the pressure to stay calm all the time. Whether you're parenting toddlers, teenagers, or both at once, this is the honest conversation moms actually need. Because believing in gentle parenting doesn't mean parenting always feels gentle. I so I read something the other day that said this generation that is interested or trying to obtain a level of gentle parenting is overcompensating for the generation that didn't have any gentle parenting. So it's like, where did gentle parenting come from? It came from a generation that that realized we want to do things differently. We're learning and we're understanding how the parenting styles of generations before us have negatively impacted, or just say impacted us at all. Doesn't negative or positive, because Chrissy and I have said this over and over again. They did the best they could with what they had. We have just a much more a grander awareness of how our parenting impacts our kids and how they we are aware how the parenting of us has impacted our lives and our parenting and the way that we react to things. And it took me like 34 years to understand that there are things that I could do to change my thought processes, change my reactions. And it took me understanding how my childhood and all those things impacted who I was today. But then I was, it was a weight lifted when I realized like I get to do things differently. I don't have to parent. I was absolutely parenting the way that I was parented for the first seven years of Deegan's life, eight years of Deegan's life. And then once I realized that like I had become somebody that I didn't, I became the overwhelmed mom, the overstimulated, the super reactive, the, you know, Deegan and I couldn't do homework together without us both ending in tears. And then I'd go to go to bed with massive mom guilt. Like, this is it. Like, this is the mom that I wanted to, like this, I couldn't wait to be a mom. And this is who I've become. I think that so I personally was like, I want to parent differently. I'm kind of like a middle of the road. I am a gentle parent in the terms of I I want to listen to them. I want to understand them. I want them to know that their voice matters. I want them to know that their choices matter to me. But I'm also somebody who's like, you're going to be respectful. I'm not your friend. I'm your mom first. Like that's very clear. There's going to be things that you do that I you're going to get in trouble for. You're, there's going to be consequences for your actions. I'm, I'm, I tend to say I'm not a gentle parent, but I'm not a not gentle parent. I'm kind of like a middle of the road kind of parent. I want to understand them. I want to under, I want them to learn about feelings. I want them to understand feelings. We talked in the last episode about feelings not being facts. And I talk about that with them all the time, but I'm also a, you're going to be respectful, you're going to be a hard worker. You're going to like I try instill those type of things as well. So I think gentle parenting is a hot topic. We hear about it all the time. And again, setting unrealistic expectations for ourselves. I think the thought of being a gentle parent all the time is unrealistic.

SPEAKER_00 3:58

I think there's a difference, Jess, because what you described is a gentle parent, boundaries and having them feel seen, heard, and valued. That's being a gentle parent. That's gentle parenting. What I think you're referring to from my thought process is soft parenting. I think a lot of people think we've gone soft. Like we just let whatever go, we don't instill any whatever consequences. We've gone soft. So what I'm hearing you say though is you are practicing gentle parenting because while you're spending time to really understand them, you're also setting boundaries. And that's what they need. That's what they need. So I think that is an important distinction. Gentle parenting does not mean soft parenting. So, in understanding that, I strive to implement gentle parenting. And I know that there are some days it's easier than others. So when I'm running off of minimal sleep, I've had a busy day. I have to come home and shift into being in all the things. And now I have to say, now life is pretty good, pretty settled for me. But when I was in the crux of it and I was working and I was a single parent, and I would, you know, I always said my work costs have got the best of me, my kids got the rest of me. And so I'd come home completely drained, nervous system shot. And the the trash can at the end of the driveway would send me into a tailspin. I would lose my mind when I saw the trash can at the end of the gar driveway because the kids didn't put it in the garage when they walked by it after school. That small little thing would send me right off track. And then I'd walk in the door and I'd be, I'm hungry, what's for dinner? And all the things. And there's dirty dishes in the sink from when they had snacks or a drink after school and didn't do the dishes. And yet when I left for work, the sink was empty. And so, like little things like that would get to me where I would just abrupt, I would just be, I would be like a volcano, just ready to erupt. And yet I would feel guilt. And then I would wake up and I would do the same thing over and over and over again. And it wasn't until I really figured out like this is more than a me problem, it's a nervous system problem. I need to learn how to regulate my nervous system in order to respond differently because I can know the stuff, but to be able to implement it is two very different things. It's not a lack of knowledge, it's my nervous system that's not working the way that I need it to. And so I wasn't able to uh effectively use gentle parenting in those moments. And so I think now I have really learned the skills to be able to reset myself before I, you know, lose my marbles over something small. And in fact, I can't remember the last time I've lost my marbles over something small because I've done a lot of work there. I think we can hold our kids accountable, have the have boundaries, give them consequences, use discipline, and also make them feel seen, heard, and valued. Two worlds can exist. There's the parent that will say, No, no, no, no, you're not having your tablet, you're not having your tablet, you're not having your tablet, stop crying, go to your room, they're still crying, okay. Here's your tablet, just stop crying. And so they feel guilty because their kids are still very upset, they won't stop crying, so you just give in. So it's really trying to set some standards for yourself as a parent and understand like what what behaviors are you willing to have a battle over and what ones you aren't, right? There are some things that uh food, I will never have a battle over. That is not a battle is worth having to me. Emily will eat. And if I have to make her a separate meal because she doesn't like what we're eating, she's going to get a separate meal. I don't care. It's not a battle I'm willing to have. However, I will have a battle over social media. I will have a battle about her phone in her bedroom. I will have a battle over certain things. I will have a battle over her being respectful and kind. So there's, you know, you just have to understand where you're coming from as a parent. Sorry, I've been rambling. But no, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 7:51

I I have jotted down a bunch of things. So I do have to say this. Mother's Day was just last weekend, and I caught myself feeling like, so I had posted a picture of the kids, and I said something like, you know, motherhood is hard. And it's okay to say that out loud. And it's still the greatest, greatest gift. Like I love these kids with everything in me. And I'm gonna be honest, as I scrolled through all the Mother's Day posts, I was like right back to that spot where maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm the only one who thinks motherhood is is hard, or maybe I'm the only one because you see all of these posts about like, you know, my world. And and and and I my mind absolutely took me back to a place of it's just you. It's just you who struggles. And so I'm glad we're having this conversation because I know it's not just me. I know that this is the norm. I know that social media is a highlight reel. And I know that moms love their kids with every ounce of their being. And we feel like we need to showcase that in order to justify like our emotions. Like I love my kids with everything. They're my world. Like, I love being a mom. That's all true. And it's also okay to say motherhood is really freaking hard. It's okay to say we lose our marbles. It's okay to have these types of conversations because I literally was thinking, like, are people reading my posts and or reading, you know, the mom fuel and mindset Instagram and being like, gosh, you guys do nothing but talk about how hard motherhood is or how lonely it can feel. And you know what? If it's not for you, then that's not for you. But this is for the moms who are struggling with this, the moms who do struggle with their emotions, who do struggle with being dysregulated nervous systems, who do that was me. You talk about blowing up over the little things. Like it's because those, because it's underlying things are little things, little things, little things that add up that ultimately something like the kids not remembering to bring in the garbage cans would send you over. Um the same things. I would deal with the same things, but just something stupid, something little. You didn't unpack your lunchbox right after school. Like, what the heck is wrong with you? You know that you do that every day after school, and it would erupt like a volcano into something completely a coat on the floor, shoes not put in the container, you know, like something small. But that is your body trying like those are signals that we have to learn from. Like becoming a detective of your own self and thinking like, you said this isn't a me problem, it's a nervous system problem. I'd like to add, it's not a me problem, and it's not a kid problem, it's a nervous system problem. Your kids are kids. I had talked to a, I was working with a mom a little ways back now, probably six months to a year ago, who would say that like the kids' bickering sends me through the roof. And I would say, kids are gonna bicker. Like you're setting a realistic expectation that the kids are never gonna fight, or that your kids are never gonna have a tantrum, or that your kids are never gonna forget to hang up your coat. That's us setting an unrealistic expectation for the kids that they're never ever going to be able to obtain. They're never gonna be able to live up to that. So the fact that we're getting upset over an unrealistic expectation that we're setting for them is an us, like that is an us problem, but that's a nervous system problem. That's that's us needing to understand how our nerve, what's going on, which I always go back to, which I think we'll always go back to. You have to take care of yourself first in order to be able to parent. And I love that you said that I was gentle parenting. Thank you. I, you're right. There is a difference between gentle parenting and soft parenting. I absolutely think that you're correct in that. I did not, I did not make that connection, nor did I think of that. I think that's just me going back to the parenting style that I was raised in and being like, okay, well, I want a piece of that, just not the whole thing. I want this gentle parenting. But you're right, setting boundaries is gentle. That's still taking care of the kid. They need that. That gentle parenting is not soft parenting. You're 100% right.

SPEAKER_00 12:00

Yeah, they don't, sorry, they don't know how to manage or to navigate things if we don't set boundaries for them. It's so important.

SPEAKER_01 12:10

Which is like, okay, so you can set boundaries. So talking about when what are the things that trigger us? What are the things that overstimulate us? Understanding what they are. So if your kids are, it is leaving their shoes in the middle of the floor. It's not that we just saw it, it's not gentle parenting is not being like, okay, well, we I just have to be okay with them leaving the shoes in the middle of the floor. I need to regulate my nervous system and just be okay with that. No, we need to teach them, right? So whether it's creating tools like a chart that says after school, you check off that you unpack your lunchbox, you hang your coat up, you put your shoes on the tray, you, you know, you do all those things. That's teaching them how to do that. But just assuming that they know it, I go back and forth with my husband on this stuff all the time because Deegan thrives with a list. So he, you know, wants him to mow and weed whack and do all this stuff. And he'll he we've had conversations just recently about you got to create him a list. Create him a lawn to-do list because that kid will check it off. He will do it. If you just give him a list in his head that he has to do, you're gonna fight with him every time because he's never gonna be able to do it. Well, that's understanding how your kid operates best and helping them create tools to help them be them best selves. And if that requires a list, well, guess what? I still operate by a list. Like I still write down things that I there's nothing wrong with that. Like it's not, you don't get a medal if you can, you know, it's like the waiter or waitress that can take your order by memory or the one that has to write them down. They're both still good waiters. Like that doesn't matter to me how you take my order as long as it's as long as it gets done, as long as it's right. So allowing our kids to and helping them, not just assuming and not just hoping or not just yelling that they're gonna be able to do that in the best way, but ultimately teaching them the tools and creating habits and ways to create those habits of having you're the one who says, what is it, like 2,000 times you have to say something in order for it to be like start to so I don't know. I think that the soft parenting is just being okay with shoes all over the floor. Gentle parenting is helping them create tools to make sure that that stuff and knowing that your nervous system has to be in an okay place to be able to have the conversation, to not snap when the because guess what? The shoes are even after you make the checklist, the shoes are probably gonna end up in the middle of the floor anyway. And how do you react to it? How are we able to clearly communicate? We have the tools to help us, you know. Let's okay, where's our checklist? Did we do all of our things? You know, like it just have those that type of interaction with them instead of it becoming a volcano and we blowing up every time. Or the opposite, just being okay that the house is a free-for-all.

SPEAKER_00 14:48

And we, yeah, we just give up and we stop, right? Because both sides, you're not really getting what you want, either you're either pissed off, excuse my language, and you're just gonna go quiet about it and not deal with it. Or, you know, in my case, I was a volcano and I would get angry. Not that I would like ever become violent or anything, but I would raise my voice and I'd be like, what the heck? What is wrong? Like, why can't you do this? You know? And it was it was really a missing skill. It wasn't that they were trying to piss me off, they weren't hoping that I'd come home yelling. It was just something that didn't click for them. So, and I wasn't teaching them by yelling at them. Correct. They still didn't have the skill they needed, and I was completely dysregulated. And then I felt guilty, and then it just it was like this cycle, right? So I think understanding where you're coming from, there's power in the pause. We say that all the time. And one thing that I've learned is so when you work all day and then you have children at home, you're you're ending your day at work and you're rushing home to do what you gotta do at home, right? Whether if you have kids to get to practice, dinner to cook, laundry to do, dogs to put outside, whatever list of things that you have going on for you at home. So you're rushing from work to home. Sometimes there's a commute, sometimes it's literally a five-minute drive, depending on your your way, and you you don't have time to reset. You don't, and then you might be listening to news, or I'm a big fan of Crime Junkie podcasts, or you know, something that doesn't help regulate your nervous system. Instead, it still gets you, you know, your heart going and you're anxious. Yes. Because our, you know, we don't our our subconscious doesn't know the difference between real and make pretend. So when we're listening to this stuff, our body is reacting like it's actually happening. So then we go from work, we're listening to whatever makes us anxious in our commute home. We get home and it's looks like a bomb went off and we are completely dysregulated. We need to move on to the evening events, right? So, what can you do in that shift to drive that that commute? How can you shift your commute home? Can you take the long way home? An extra 10 minutes add to your commute. Can you listen to maybe music that helps, you know, lessen the stress in your body? You know, I if I start listening to 80s or 90s music, it like just makes me happy. I just love the music and I'll sing really loud and I don't remember all the lyrics, but I don't care. And I say what I think they are, and it just puts me in a real way, right? So, like, if I've had a really stressful day at work, I'm not going to listen to Crime Junkie on the way home. Right. I'm gonna listen to I'm gonna be intentional with what I listen to on my commute home to try to give my body and brain the reset it needs to step into mom mode when I walk through that door. But it's those little pieces that we can think about and how we can be intentional with shifting our mindset and our just how we're feeling our overall stress level. So we can be the gentle parent when we get home. So we can parent from a place of like feeling grounded and settled and not reactive and angry.

SPEAKER_01 18:01

Because if you think about it, when we get home, say from that four to eight, five to nine time frame, and when you are home, you know, after work, after school, all of those things, you are at your lowest point fuel-wise, right? Like you, all of your energy has been soaked up. Your kids are at their lowest fuel tank, right? Because they've gone all day. So if we think about that time period when we get home, it is it's like we have you want to connect with your family, you want to connect with your kids. You like that's the only time you get with them, right? Like I remember being like, I literally get three hours at the end of the day because my kids go to bed early. And it's like it's filled with tantrums and dinner, whining over dinner and like the bath time, you know, not wanting to take a shower. Like the odds are against us. They truly are. Like, we are everybody is on e by that time period. And so to be able to gentle parent, because that's the only time we're getting with them after they've been gone at school all day, to expect us to be able to, like it, we have to get super, super intentional with how we're running our evening. If we want to be able to thrive in the evening with our families, with these kids, with you know, with ourselves, we have to get super intentional about what does our evening look like? What does our routines look like? What are we, you know, what are our values? Like you said, I'm not fighting the food battle. So if you are somebody who's fighting the food battle, like that's adding to your evening stressors. That's me. Hi, I fight the food battle here and there. I do, and then I don't because I try to get her to try new things. And then I feel completely defeated and I go, like, I'm pull a Chrissy. Like this is not something that I want to battle. Like, she's gonna live on carbs and cheese. I don't know what else to tell her. Like, I'm I'm trying to instill the fact that you need other good nutrients, you know, food sources in your body. But ultimately, I don't want her childhood to be remembered as just food battles every night with dinner, you know? And so I do go back and forth with this. But ultimately, like you only have so many hours in your evening. Everybody is like, everybody's running on E. Everybody's struggling here. So, what can we do to be intentional? Like Chrissy said, do not put on a crime podcast. Me, that's me. I had to give up criminal watching criminal minds because I turn into a raging psycho. You know, my my nervous system doesn't know the difference between me watching the show and me actually being the person in the show who's trapped in somebody's basement. Like this is just, you have to be mindful that you, the things that you can control, not drinking coffee in the afternoon and having your heart rate 100 miles an hour, not not eating all day and just living on caffeine, where when you get home or your kids get home, you're tired, hangry. We preach sleep. We know the importance of it. So not letting the kids stay up crazy late or not staying up yourself crazy late, putting, getting a good bedtime routine and putting the kids to bed and putting yourself to bed because this all negatively impacts behavior, yourself and your children. And to be able to ultimately create an environment where you're everybody's nervous systems, we are at peace, everybody's regulated, we're able to have difficult conversations because your kids are, there's going to be situations that have to be addressed. There's going to be stuff that, you know, that, and your your kids are going to leave the shoes in the miller, the kids are going to fight, the kids are going to bicker. And how you're able to chat with them and respond to them versus instantly overreacting directly stems from what what kind of what kind of space are you creating based off of a regulated nervous system, what your routines look like, what your evening looks like, you know, and and I think that knowing that that time period, like the odds truly are against us at that time. We have to get super intentional with what that looks like to be able to create a space where you want a gentle parent, you want to gentle. Be able to control emotions. You want to teach the kids about this. But if you're doing it bait running on e yourself, or you're doing it, you're setting yourself up for failure. There's no way to be a gentle parent when you're not able to regulate your nervous system in that way. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:15

Yeah. And so I I I thank you, Jess, because I think that's the part where, you know, there might be some people listening to this and I was like, oh yeah, that's all fine. And well, I don't even know where to begin. I am completely at max capacity all the time. I barely sleep. Get up. I'm rushing out the door because my kids never want to get up on time. Morning routines are a mess. I'm lucky if I don't get a phone call from the school because of, you know, my kids' behaviors or because someone's sick or whatever's going on. I'm always running behind and late at work because of, you know, trying to juggle too many things. I get the kids home. I get, and then, you know, I still don't have anything to cook because everything's in the freaking freezer. My dog just got done puking all over the floor. Like, I get it. And a lot of people live in that type of cycle that just you feel like you can't get out of it. That is reality for a lot of us, a lot of moms, a lot of people. And so don't think you have to like pull the band aid off and go from zero to a hundred with this. Like, start small. What is one small shift that you can change? Because it starts with us. Anything that we want to shift in our kids, it needs to start with us. We cannot teach what we don't have. So if we want to teach regulation, we need to teach by co-regulating, right? But in order to do that, we need to be regulated. So it starts with us. So really kind of figuring out what is one small step that I can do that helps me regulate before I walk in the door after work or before I pick my kids up from school, or whatever that time of day is for you that you find the most difficult, how can you take five minutes to really ground yourself and then try? Go ahead, Jeff.

SPEAKER_01 23:57

Well, okay, so I'm gonna say, okay. And I mean this in the most loving way possible. You said it's a cycle, and it absolutely is. And the only person who can break this cycle is you. And right now, when you feel like life, because I lived in that cycle, and I would just say, like, life speeding me up. I'm unlucky. Like I must draw the short stick. Like life just kept punching, but I was doing nothing, I was not controlling the things that I could control. Yes, there was a lot of life that was happening, and I was just in the everything that you like that picture you created was a life that I was living because I was letting it beat me up. I was letting it control my actions. And it's true when you're in it, you just don't feel like there's any way out of it. You just feel like this is your life and this is, you know, this is this is all you know. This is all you can do. And you don't have anything left. But unfortunately, you have nothing left because you're not changing anything. And it is a cycle that you will stay in and it will truly steamroll you and beat you up and have you feeling like you are a mom fail, like you are a wife fail, like you are just a like this is it. This is like, this is all I got. You are the only one who can break this cycle. You are the one who has to start to take control of the things that you can control. So, like Christy said, we don't have to change the goal is to not change everything all at once. The goal is to start small. I would say the goal is to start with you first, because when you start to regulate yourself and when you start to take care of yourself, it will naturally pour over into your relationships, whether it's with your kids, with your spouse, with a friend, with co-worker, like with your work, it will naturally pour over into all of those other areas. And so truly just starting with you, getting up earlier, getting to sleep earlier, making yourself good food, not running on caffeine, getting outside and getting some sunshine on your face, moving your body, just going for a walk, making the time to get outside and going for a walk. Like it sounds cliche these days. They say like touch grass or go put your feet, and it's like, no, it's true. The outside world is a natural nervous system regulator. Get some sun on your face, breathe in some fresh air, go for a walk, touch some, like sit in the grass, put your bare feet in the grass. Like it's so important. And that stuff will absolutely naturally start to change your perspective, change the feelings that you have, not only towards yourself, but towards the life that you're living and the life that ultimately you're creating. Think of yourself five years from now. What do you want your life to look like? What do you want your the systems in your house to look like? If you, if we were to ask you if your cis, your house, and your systems were running at a 10 and your kids were, you know, going to sleep at good times, and like if your life was a 10, what would it look like? What would you want those systems to look like? And how can we start to implement those types of things right now? Because that's what's ultimately going to help you be the gentle parent that you want to be in these kids' lives right now. Because we can't hope and wish, right? Like we have to start right now.

SPEAKER_00 27:06

It starts with you, and we can't teach what we don't have. So if we do not know how to regulate ourselves, if we do not know what helps us feel better, we will not be able to teach our kids that skill. So it starts with us at the end of the day. You might see the problem in your child, your other problem, your child's the one having the temper tantrum, your child's the one that's being kicked out of school, your child's the one that's doing all these things. It still starts with us because we need to parent from a place where we're able to in a way that's effective and loving and supportive, right? So taking one thing from what Jess just said and committing to yourself. And I mean, what I did, what I started with when I went on this journey was I took the long way home. I took an extra 10 minutes and I took the long way home because I gave me 10 minutes with music that I loved. And the first time I did it was by accident. Actually, I was reflecting the other day and it came, it kind of came upon me. I had to go to the bank after work, and the bank is a little out of the way, and there was so much traffic. So to be able to head home in the direction I wanted to go in, I was gonna have to cross traffic, but there was so much traffic, I just couldn't get out. And again, I was like rushing, like I had to get home, I had to get home, I didn't have time to wait for traffic, so I just took a right, so I didn't have to cross traffic, and it added 10 minutes, and I was feeling all the guilt. My kids were already home and they're probably hungry. And I got home, they're watching TV, one sitting at the table doing their homework, nobody squawking, no, the house didn't burn down, everything was fine. And I realized I was making this huge issue in my head and rushing, rushing, rushing, rushing, and I didn't need to. Right. Could slow down, take a long way home, get an extra 10 minutes in my car, grab myself with music that I love. And it really put me in a space where I was able to start the evening, not fresh because I was already depleted, but more regulated than I would have been had I rushed home and you know ran through the door like the house was gonna burn down if I didn't. So I think we often create problems. It's not real. Yes. Our anxiety, our stress, our nervous system, we think things are worse than what they really are.

SPEAKER_01 29:19

So slowing down is so important. It's funny that you say that because a couple years ago when I like embarked on this journey, I started going to the gym. There was a gym right after, right around the corner from my work. And so I'd leave work and I'd go to the gym. And I remember somebody saying to me, they were like, Oh, you look so great. We were at like one of my kids' song track meets, baseball games, something of the sort. And one of the moms was like, You look so great. And I said, Thank you. I'm like prioritizing me. I'm making time for myself. I'm going to the gym after work. And her face dropped, like, fake, you know, face set at all, can't hide anything, and was like, I just can't imagine taking more time away from my kids after I've worked all day. And I was like, I get it. Cause that's the mindset that I had for a long time. I said, but the extra hour that I take for myself after work, that I'm able to leave work at work, re-regulate myself at the gym, leave the gym on a high feeling good because I just built confidence and trust in myself that one, I did something I told myself I was going to do. And two, I leave the gym feeling on top of the world. I get home, I'm a completely different mom because of that one hour. And I would rather have quality time over the quantity of time because that now instead of having four hours of dysregulation, chaos, me trying to figure out, like, you know, re-regulate my nervous system at home, try not to explode. Everybody's running on E, to now three hours of mom feels good. I can handle whatever's thrown at me in those hours. I feel like I'm able to connect with my kids completely differently than I would have. I said it's absolutely worth it to me. And we ended up having a really good conversation about it where she was like, I never really thought of it like that. Or, you know, because moms don't let themselves think of it like that. They think, more time with my kids, more time with my kids. I have to raise home. I've already been away. That mom guilt takes over. And it's like, I'm a bad mom if I take that. Now, don't get me wrong. There are times when I was at the gym where I had to battle those thoughts, where it was like, you should be home. Your kids are already home. Now you're asking your husband to make sure he's home to pick up the kids so that you're able to do this. Like those thoughts absolutely were something that I had to wrestle with. But ultimately, becoming the better version of myself for the kids means that I get to parent completely different. And I want to have, I want to leave them with and have a meaningful impact on them because we can't live in just the here and now. As parents, like I'm always thinking, like, what am I, how are my kids going to parent based off of the way that I'm parenting right now? How are they, what are they gonna think of their childhood? Like when they look back on it and say, because of, you know, my mom ran on E. She blew up on everything. Every little thing was an issue. And now, you know, they can't spill milk, or it's like, what did you do? Right? Like, it's those are types of things that absolutely can be lasting impressions on kids that they can't make mistakes, that they can't do these things because we erupt over the littlest things. I would rather a mom take the extra 10 minutes to drive to, you know, take the long way home, open the windows, put on some music, give yourself a chance to be the best version of you you can for these kids, because that's the lasting impact you're gonna have. Quantity, great. Quality, the best thing that you could possibly do. And if that means taking the long way home or going to the gym or just, you know, taking five minutes for yourself, like do what you need to do to make sure that you're okay because that's what your kids need. Yeah. It's so important, Jess.

SPEAKER_00 32:49

Yes. All right. Well, thanks for hanging out with us on Mom Feeling Mindset. If today's conversation spoke to you, take it as your reminder that happy moms don't come from doing more. They come, they come from choosing themselves and owning their growth.

SPEAKER_01 33:05

And if you loved this episode, please be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with another mom who needs a little fuel and a mindset shift today.

SPEAKER_00 33:13

Until next time, keep showing up for yourself, keep growing forward. And remember, happy moms own their growth. See you soon.