Smell the Roses with Steph - Podcast

Why Men Can

• Stephanie Ackland • Episode 4

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 14:26

"Let me know if this episode has helped you"

Ever feel like your day gets hijacked the moment you try to do something for yourself? We dig into self‑procrastination—the subtle habit of trading your real priorities for chores, pings, and busywork that look productive but leave your goals untouched. Using a down‑to‑earth lens and lived experience, we unpack why smart, caring people delay what matters and how to reclaim your focus without guilt.

You’ll hear a simple, memorable tool we call tunnel vision glasses: an imaginary filter that shortens the path from intention to action. By observing how single‑task focus works in real households, we show how to walk past visual noise, stop taking detours, and finish the work that actually moves your life forward. We also challenge the control reflex—doing unasked jobs for others to feel in charge—and replace it with self‑ownership, clearer boundaries, and a kinder inner voice.

Expect practical steps you can use today: pick the top three tasks that would ease the most pressure, complete one, reward yourself, repeat. Visualise your day before it starts, anticipate distractions, and choose your route anyway. Learn to celebrate small wins so your brain links follow‑through with real satisfaction. If you’re tired of resentment, invisible labour, and goals that live on the back burner, this conversation offers a clean, compassionate reset.

If this resonated, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs a nudge, and leave a quick review—it helps more people find the tools to focus on what truly matters.

SPEAKER_01:

Today's episode is all about procrastination. Does every day feel like Groundhog Day? Are you always busy doing the things that need to be done instead of making time to complete the things that you want done? Stay tuned as I explain how to break through the mental barriers, stop self-sabotage, and I'm going to tell you how to get from A to B very quickly. Have you heard of the word procrastination? According to the Oxford Dictionary, the word procrastination means the action of delaying or postponing something. This action can be imposed on us through others, but what I want to talk to you about is self-procrastination, which is something I'm extremely familiar with. The struggles of putting yourself first over external demands like attending to family and friends' needs, work, house chores, and the roadblocks between you and your goals just keep stacking up. I'm not referring to massive life goals. Procrastination can also occur when you are trying to achieve daily life tasks. Tasks as simple as taking time out to finish reading the book you started last summer, when you were on holidays, when you returned home, you could never find the time in your daily routine to sit down and finish it. Or finding the time to get yourself to the gym two days a week consistently and use that gym membership you signed up for three months ago, and you've only been a handful of times, and that's including the day you walked into the front desk and signed up and walked out. How many times have you allowed yourself to run a hot bath, poured in some salts and bubbles, lit a candle, and hopped in to relax, unwind and forget all about the external noise and stresses. The crazy thing is some of us chose the house we live in because it has a bathtub and we've never even used it.

SPEAKER_00:

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_01:

More often than not, the bigger your goal, the more you will find yourself procrastinating. Do you want to know why we all do this? I'm going to explain it to you using my words, experiences, and examples. I invite you into my world, a mindset which I created in my head using different thought processes and strategies to implement in my mind when I place roadblocks between where I am now and where I want to be. I am just your friend. I am someone who cares about you, your mental health, and your mindset. I am the person who can relate to the everyday struggles of life. I've lived it. I've been through it all, and I've done all the hard work for you. I've read around 100 books. I've researched and studied self-help, habits, behaviors, personal development, awareness and consciousness, energy body, awakening and enlightenment. I practice meditation and specialize in breath work. I'm a certified life coach. I'm not here to advise you on your life situations. My podcast is a platform for me to share what I have experienced and strategies that I have used to set myself up to achieve my goals and put a stop to self-sabotage. If you would like to hear how I did it, I invite you to find a comfortable spot and turn up the volume. Let's get into self-procrastination and my hypothetical theory on why men can. I'm going to take you on a journey. This is how I discovered change through observing my husband Chris. I watched him tackle task after task. Chris is the master of accomplishing whatever he sets his mind to. Now don't think I'm going to give him all the credit, because it also takes a lot of work on my end to encourage him, keep him focused, support and assist him with his time management. However, Chris is the master of doing what he wants when he wants.

SPEAKER_00:

I am the master. Steph is going to tell you how to become one too.

SPEAKER_01:

This is why Chris can and why I could not. Through observing Chris's actions, I noticed he had one simple tool in the shed that I did not have. What is it you ask? Chris has a pair of tunnel vision glasses. What are tunnel vision glasses? They're not physical glasses but imaginary. When people have tunnel vision, it shortens the line of view from what you want to do to actually making it happen. This tool is essential for anyone who was like me and couldn't seem to prioritize your needs over everyone else's. If you do not start prioritizing yourself and making time to complete the things you want to achieve, you will end up filling your time with other people's priorities. You need to start telling yourself it is okay to put yourself first. Have you ever found yourself walking towards your music room to practice or to the office to study? Or you're heading to the kitchen with the intention to bake a cake just for the fun of it. And as soon as you walk past some clutter or dirty laundry, your brain clicks into autopilot and you're sucked in to pick it up, allowing yourself to be distracted and prioritizing emptying the basket, putting a load of washing on, or you choose to pick up the clutter and the whole time you're muttering to yourself, Why do I always have to be the one who picks up after everyone around here? Guess what? I'm here to tell you you don't. You are the one choosing self-sabotage, and then you act like it's their fault, like your spouse or child has placed the laundry basket between you and your downtime, when you were the one who decided to see it in the first place. You set yourself a course and you chose to take the detour. You need to learn how to use tunnel vision for your own advantage. Those fancy glasses Chris and I have? Your husband, partner, child, they have them too. So why don't you do yourself a favour and borrow a pair? Watch what your partner or child does when they're wearing them. They will ignore all the mess that you can see and they will beeline straight to their Xbox or PlayStation. They will step over the wet towel, throw more packets of chips in an already overflowing garbage that the cleaning ferry will hopefully empty sooner than later, or we will all be walking through the rubbish. You need to understand it's not that they don't care or that they want to live in a pigsty. It's that they are on their daily course of action and when they are finished focusing on their tasks, they will then see what is in their surrounding environment and attend to it when they are ready. Your partner, spouse, and child cannot understand why you're getting so worked up over an overflowing bin. They cannot see the physical harm in it, and let's be honest, there isn't one. So why do you choose to stress yourself out over it? The only harm the overflowing garbage has caused is the self-inflicting one you've put on yourself to react to it. If you were wearing your tunnel vision glasses, you would have already accomplished one task you set for yourself, with no distractions and no detours. After your daily tasks are completed, guess what? The garbage will still be there, and you would have been feeling so amazing from sticking to your goals, prioritizing your needs over everyone else's, and now seeing that overflowing garbage will not even bother you. If you go back to episode 2 on my podcast, you could even put some manifesting into play here. Imagine somebody else in your household completed their daily tasks first, and now they emptied the bin, and you didn't even have to. You have the power to create this amazing outcome as well. Stop procrastinating and resisting what your heart desires. You are in control of your life, not your child's, not your spouses, or your partners. I always find the person that tries to control others is the person that has no control over themselves. Their life is not going in the direction they want, so instead of helping themselves, they try to control and help others, even when the person they are offering the help to didn't ask for it. If you reject their help, they act as if you are the one being ungrateful. If this is a part of your behavior pattern, I'm telling you you need to stop worrying about everyone else and start taking care of yourself. You need to look inward and start prioritizing your needs. If you cannot help yourself, what makes you qualified to help others? If your life is out of control and you have no time to yourself and you feel as though you do everything, the people you live with contribute very little and show no gratitude, look at it this way. Why would they even notice you doing those things when they never asked you to do it in the first place? If you want acknowledgement, then thank yourself. Because you didn't do it for them, you did it for your own peace of mind to hit some personal target or perfectionism in your own head. To your partner and child, all they want is a happy partner, a loving mother or father, and you can reach your full potential starting from now. If you are just waking up, imagine how your day is going to go. Envision exactly what your perfect day looks like. I wake up, have a cup of tea, feed the animals, pack the kids' lunches, get them off to school on time or get to work on time. Have a productive day if you are at home. Map out what jobs need your immediate attention, the ones that are causing you to procrastinate, the difficult tasks or the boring tasks, the top three jobs that you can complete that will make you feel relieved that they're done. Do not overload yourself with a two-page list of things to do. Just start small. Accomplish one, then give yourself a break. Prepare your favorite lunch. If you complete a task at work that you've been procrastinating on, go treat yourself to a purchase from your favorite cafe during your lunch break. It's small wins followed by small rewards. When I accomplish bigger goals, I like to clap to myself. I cheer myself on, and sometimes if it's called for, I celebrate my win by jumping up, fist pumping the air while I run around the house, telling each of my family members. This sign of gratitude that I give to myself is so important to feeding the positive energy and self-validating my own achievements. Do not perform an act for someone and expect them to react the way you want them to. They are not aware of your intention. However, if someone asks you for a favor to assist them, of course it is expected that they show gratitude. Let me reword that so it sinks in. If you choose to do something for others, it's for your personal gain. If someone asks you to do something for them, it's for their personal gain. Now that you understand that, why don't you start doing things for yourself for your own personal gain? Go and spend some time working on yourself instead of using your time on other people when they never asked you to. The only expectation you should have are the ones you set up for yourself. Go borrow a pair of those tunnel vision glasses or imagine a pair of your own. Once you start wearing them, you will see what a massive impact they can have on your mindset. Give yourself permission to put yourself first and stop procrastinating. You cannot rely on others to make you happy. You have to do that yourself. As Chris loves to say.