Smell the Roses with Steph - Podcast

Unapologetically Wanting More

• Stephanie Ackland • Episode 5

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 12:09

"Let me know if this episode has helped you"

When the heart starts whispering “I want more,” it isn’t a verdict on your partner—it’s your inner world calling for attention. We unpack how to translate that feeling into action with clear language, practical rituals, and the three pillars that make relationships last: emotional safety, being valued, and deep connection. Drawing on Steph’s 19-year relationship with Chris, we share the check-in questions that turned conflict into alignment, the small behaviours that rebuild trust, and the mindset shift that keeps both people on the same team.

We start by reframing doubt as healthy data, then move into how to speak needs without blame and how to make changes that stick. You’ll hear a simple weekly check-in format you can try tonight, plus examples of constructive criticism that leads to growth rather than defence. We also zoom out to the science: humans are wired to thrive with eye contact, tone, and touch, which is why responsiveness calms the nervous system and fuels cooperation. If you’ve drifted apart, you’ll learn how to lead by example, replace distance habits with repair rituals, and show value through time, attention, and kept promises.

By the end, you’ll have a clear roadmap to ask for more without throwing away what you’ve built. Whether you’re craving reassurance, better communication, or feeling chosen, you’ll find language, steps, and hope to guide the next conversation. Share this one with your partner, write down the three pillars, and choose one small action to start today. If this helped, follow and subscribe, then leave a review so others can find it—and tell us: what does “more” look like for you this week?

SPEAKER_00:

Hey gorgeous, it's that time again where you can sit back, relax, and open your mind as you listen to another episode of Smell the Roses with Steph. Today's episode, let's talk about love and wanting more of it. Feeling like you want more in a relationship doesn't automatically mean something is wrong. And it doesn't automatically mean your partner is failing. Most of the time it's your inner world trying to tell you something important. Love comes in all shapes and forms. It can be romantic, passionate and intense. It can also be quiet, steady and gentle. Love is a devotion between partners, the bond between siblings, the loyalty of a pet, and the connection between people who simply choose to care. Have you ever reached a point in your relationship where you get a gut feeling and start asking questions like is this relationship enough? Are my inner needs being met? Am I fulfilled and satisfied in this relationship? Answering these questions honestly can be quite difficult. It is going to take a lot of courage along with some tough love, which will assist in telling the truth even when it's uncomfortable. Having doubts or questioning yourself about your love life and partner is extremely healthy. Don't beat yourself up or think if you're having these thoughts there must be something wrong, because this is not always the case. It can actually be the first step to bettering and helping the relationship move forward and grow. You do not want to find yourself giving up just because your needs were not being met. You have the power to change your circumstances just by telling your partner what your needs are in the first place. Why start over? If you can just speak to one another and you can get everything you want out of your current relationship with the willingness from both sides or for you both to at least try, before throwing in the towel and giving up. I have been with my husband Chris for the past nineteen years. We've had our ups and downs, and I'll be honest, there have been a handful of times where I have thought of taking the easy road, of walking away and starting over. And do you want to know what the one thing was that always led me to stay? It wasn't my children. Chris and I fought ten times more before we had our kids. You know, when you're young and just getting to know one another, you start finding each other's flaws, like he flirts too much, I'm jealous. He doesn't like you being in the company of other guys. Now he is jealous. I don't want to party and drink anymore. He's still partying and drinking way too much. We found each other at different ends of the transition from being single to being in a relationship. I had to find a way to get us on the same page. Very early on in our relationship I would make us sit down together on the couch and we would ask each other questions to check in. I would ask Chris, what do I do that you love? How can I do things differently? Where do you see us in the next twelve months? And he would ask me the same questions back. Checking in and getting on the same page was imperative to getting us to where we are today, which is running a successful business together, raising our three beautiful, healthy, well rounded children, owning our own home, and being comfortable enough to feel free to be the best versions of ourselves. Making it through all our fights, all the hurt and pain we inflicted on each other, having time apart, struggling to get along, holding grudges, not seeing eye to eye, being let down and disappointed, the one thing that made us choose forgiveness over breaking up was that we both could not see a life worth living without having each other being a part of it. We had been training our minds since the moment we first met to plan our future together step by step. We trained each other through conversation of checking in and asking the right questions. What do I do that upset you? How can I change and treat you better? We brought to each other constructive criticism, which strengthened our connection. It helped us grow and improve as individuals. Chris brought to my attention a bad ugly habit, in the way that I would overreact. I was of course a little defensive at first hearing it, but once I had some time and space to reflect, I realized he was right. I was overreacting, and this was something I was willing to work on, and now by changing that bad habit? I have a lot more peace of mind and so does my family. You should unapologetically want more. Want more from yourself and want more from your partner. Do not be scared to ask. You and your partner should want each other to have everything your heart's desire, starting with a loving relationship. There is no crime in checking in with yourself to make sure you are where you want to be and that you are getting exactly what you want out of your partner. We are not mind readers. Women and men both need to communicate in order for your voice to be heard and for the relationship to last the test of time. You need to put aside all your fears and assumptions of what your partner might think and just have an open conversation about where you feel you are at in your relationship and where you would like to see it go. If you cannot see a future together, why are you holding each other back? Maybe you just need to have a conversation to set a course in the right direction to achieving both your relationship goals and your future aspirations. Biologically, all living species are driven to reproduce. As humans, we are relational species. We are not meant to be alone. Our brains evolve to survive in groups. Early humans depend on each other for food, protection and raising children. Because of that, our nervous system are built to respond to other people, through eye contact, touch, voice, and shared emotions. Every single person on this planet is currently in a relationship, whether it is with your family, friends, co-workers, and even pets. Strong relationships are one of the biggest predictors of happiness and mental health. Babies literally cannot develop normally without human connection, and adults tend to thrive when they feel seen, valued, and connected. If you have lost connection with your partner, it's not too late. Give yourself some self-love, learn that it's okay to honor your needs and speak honestly about how you are feeling when you find yourself at this point in your relationship and whether your needs are being met. In a relationship, we need to feel emotionally safe. Ask yourself, is the relationship growing? And most importantly, do you feel as though your partner chooses you? Unapologetically wanting more is recognizing you deserve fulfillment. Knowing you are not satisfied and that you do not want to settle is emotional intelligence that should not be ignored. Honour your feelings, understand where they are coming from, and ways in which your partner can assist in achieving fulfillment in your relationship. I find people are so quick to give up, throw in the towel and move on to the next best thing. What if the best thing for you is to break old habits and build on new healthy habits with the person you are presently with? Is it possible that you had it all wrong? It's not what your partner isn't doing in the relationship, it's the fact that you have never told them what you actually want. You will find if you're in a loving relationship, your partner wants nothing more than to be with you and to make you happy. So of course they will be willing to try. They will need to follow your lead and example, as actions speak louder than words. When they see you making an effort, they will too. Relationships at last are the ones that contain these top three things Emotional Safety, being valued, and connection. Emotional safety means you can be yourself without fear of being judged, dismissed, or punished. You feel comfortable sharing your thoughts, feelings, and vulnerabilities. You trust that your partner will listen, respect your boundaries, and care about your emotional well-being. Being valued is feeling appreciated, prioritized and seen, not being taken for granted. It's knowing your presence matters in their life. When your partner is showing through actions that you are not optional. The connection you have with your partner has to be more than just chemistry. It's emotional closeness, shared experiences, and moving forward together as a team. Love alone isn't enough if these are missing. And here is the gentle truth. If you consistently don't feel one or more of these, your heart will start asking for more. Not because you're ungrateful, but because these are the basic emotional needs. If you feel something is missing in your relationship, listen to my podcast. Share it with your partner or listen to it together. Write down these three things. It will be a great start to getting the most out of your relationship. May you grow and flourish together. Remember, all you need is a willingness to try and each other. If you like what you heard, please follow me, hit the subscribe button, and tune in for my weekly episodes on relationships. Help me start spreading the love today by giving someone a smile.