Smell the Roses with Steph - Podcast

Touch Yourself

• Stephanie Ackland • Episode 6

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What if confidence felt quiet, steady and real instead of loud and exhausting? We explore how to stop performing for approval, choose yourself without guilt, and build self-trust through tiny, doable promises. Steph opens up about completing a coaching course while raising three kids, working full-time and running a family business, showing how support, boundaries and honest self-permission turn “impossible” into done.

We unpack the difference between ego and confidence. Ego seeks applause, control and comparison; it learned to perform to stay safe. Real confidence grows when actions match values and the inner fight ends. You will hear a tender story about saying yes to her daughter’s wish for long hair and how purposeful giving differs from people-pleasing. That nuance matters: when choices align with love and values, they nourish rather than drain. We then map a simple loop to return to yourself: remember your values, speak your affirmations, act in small aligned ways, and repeat.

To make it practical, Steph offers two steps you can start today. First, practice honest self-permission and drop the performance: you do not need to earn your right to exist or be valued. Second, keep one small promise to yourself, like finishing one task or speaking kindly to yourself. Self-worth grows through self-trust, not hype. With breathwork tools coming next Wednesday, we set you up to feel more grounded, lighter and clearer, so confidence becomes embodied, not performed.

If this resonates, follow the show, share it with someone who needs calm confidence, and leave a review to help others find us. Tell us: what small promise will you keep today?

SPEAKER_01:

Hi gorgeous, it's that time again where you can sit back, relax and enjoy another episode of Smell the Roses with Steph. Hit the subscribe button and help me get the word out by sharing this podcast with your friends and family. So together we can help others grow and reach their full potential. This podcast is a space where guilt ends and self-respect begins. This is your reminder that putting yourself first isn't selfish, it's necessary. Today we're drawing the line, speaking our truth and choosing ourselves once and for all. Touch yourself, not in the sense of individual pleasure. Touch yourself in a way that you are giving yourself permission to achieve your goals. Reach fulfillment by putting yourself first instead of others. We all forget how to do that. I recently completed a coaching course which I never thought I could achieve, and let me tell you, when I graduated, I cried. I could not believe with three children, a husband, a full-time job, a business to run and a household to maintain with animals to attend to that I would be able to set time aside to complete it. Every hour of my day was already accounted for. I could not have set six hours a week aside to study and learn without the help of my husband and three children. I was able to put myself first, prioritize my needs above all, and by doing this, do you know what happened?

SPEAKER_02:

Oh yes, Steph fucking did it.

SPEAKER_01:

I finished that course with flying colours. Here I am now, sharing with you all my life struggles, experiences, breaking through personal barriers, challenging myself and achieving my goals. I learned to give myself time where I could sit and learn a new skill. A skill that had already been embedded in me. My whole life I have had a desire to want to help others. I love deeply. I love caring for and helping people. I have a background as a nurse which I found so rewarding. However, my career path took a turn when my husband and I bought his family business.

SPEAKER_02:

Which today is the best decision we've ever made.

SPEAKER_01:

Even with all the sacrifices it took to get up and running to the capacity where it is today, I am very grateful for the experience as it has made us a stronger and more resilient couple. Taking ownership of our business and becoming a partner in paving the way to growth and expansion was more of a financial interest for me. Learning new skills and adapting current leadership which I brought with me went hand in hand. It was so easy doing something for someone else. Chris wanted to buy the business. Another example of this is when my eleven year old daughter said to me when I returned home from the hairdressers Mum, why did you cut your hair short again?

SPEAKER_00:

I want you to have long hair like me so we can look the same. I don't want you to cut your hair for two years. Let it grow so it can look like mine.

SPEAKER_02:

And I replied Whoa whoa whoa that's a long time. How about we compromise and I won't cut my hair for twelve months?

SPEAKER_01:

A deal had been made. I have not cut the length off of my hair for twelve months to this date. I didn't think I could do it, as I was undecided if I even wanted long hair in the first place. The reason why I found it so easy to leave my hair alone and not cut it? It was because I'd made a promise to my daughter. I knew that if I did cut my hair I would disappoint her, let her down, and the thought of doing that hurt me more than me having to give up going to my favourite me time place, my hairdresser. I chose to put her wants before mine. It was a challenge, and early on there were times when I wanted to give up and give in to my desire and have a fresh cut. But if there is one thing I thrive at, it's a good challenge. So I did it. When I was younger, I was very competitive in school academics and sport. There wasn't a representative team that I wasn't involved in during my entire education. As an adult now, I no longer play competitive sports. I still seek reaching that dopamine hit through achieving and accomplishing. I love to achieve my goals and I get disappointed in myself when I don't. Now I don't always achieve. Instead of putting everyone else's wants, needs, and desires first, I meditate, do my breath work and refocus on me.

SPEAKER_02:

To stay connected to yourself, you need strong values.

SPEAKER_01:

Human values are the inner principles that guide how we think, choose and show up in the world. They're the things that matter to us beneath personality, mood, or circumstance, what we stand for when no one else is watching. Values shape our sense of right and wrong, what we prioritize, what we tolerate, and what we walk away from. Your values are formed through a mix of upbringing, culture, experience, pain, love, and moments where we learned what we truly matters to us. If you are feeling lost or disconnected, it's often because you are living out of alignment with your personal values. When life feels grounded and meaningful, it's usually because your actions match your values. Values aren't rules imposed from outside. They are an internal compass that helps us live with integrity, clarity, and self-respect.

SPEAKER_02:

A great grounding technique which Steph dabbled in in episode two remember your values and speak your affirmations.

SPEAKER_01:

The ego is not confidence, it is fake confidence. It is a mask people wear which they use to come across as confident, but deep down, people are just covering up their insecurities. We all have ego. This is the part of us that forms our sense of me. It's how we learn who we are, how we belong, and how we protect ourselves in the world. It develops early as a survival tool, shaped by our experiences, feedback and moments where we learned we needed to perform, achieve or defend ourselves to be accepted or safe. When the ego feels threatened, it gets loud, seeking validation, control or comparison. But that noise isn't confidence, it's protection. Real confidence isn't forced or performed, it shows up when the ego no longer has to prove anything. It comes from self-awareness, self-trust and the ability to be grounded in who you are without needing approval to confirm your worth. When you understand the ego, instead of fighting it, confidence becomes calm, steady, and real. Stop trying so hard to impress others. Know within yourself you are enough. You deserve to want more. You are meant to be right here with me listening to my podcast. I want to help you reach your full potential and to find real inner confidence which doesn't come from fixing yourself, it comes from stopping the fight with yourself. Try these two steps. Step one practice honest self permission. Right now, let yourself be seen as you are, not as who you think you should be. Drop the performance, the comparison, the inner insults, and replace them with a simple truth.

SPEAKER_02:

I don't need to earn my right to exist or be valued.

SPEAKER_01:

That alone lifts a huge weight. Step two Keep one small promise to yourself today. Something doable, like speaking kindly to yourself, finishing one task or showing up without shrinking. Self-worth grows through self-trust, not hype. When you stop abandoning yourself and start standing with yourself, confidence becomes quite natural and embodied. From that place, you don't shine by trying, you shine because you're finally letting yourself.

SPEAKER_02:

Speak affirmations until your confidence is built back up.

SPEAKER_01:

My intention is to remove this thick blanket of noise that you have been hiding under. It's time for you to shine. If you like what you heard and want to learn more, tune in to my podcast next Wednesday for my free free breathwork class where I will work towards guiding you to help you lift that thick blanket weighing you down. As a breath coach, I will guide you towards feeling more grounded, lighter, clearer, and deeply in tune with your inner self. Until next time, keep smiling.