Living in the Shadows

There’s a specific kind of ache that comes from being outshone by someone you love. It’s not just jealousy. It’s the slow, quiet belief that their success means you matter less, and that your life has somehow moved to the background. I want to flip that story on its head and show you how standing in someone else’s light doesn’t have to dim yours. 

We explore a simple metaphor that changes everything: the sun and the moon. The moon doesn’t compete with the sun, it translates it, softening intense light into something you can live with in the dark. That’s how your confidence and identity can work too. You move through cycles. Some seasons feel bold and visible, like full moon energy. Others are quieter and internal, like new moon energy. Both are powerful. Both are part of growth, not proof you’ve fallen behind. 

I also share a personal chapter from my life where I felt swallowed by roles and comparison while Chris was thriving publicly. Staying home with little ones left me understimulated, unsure of myself, and resentful, even though no one was trying to hold me back. The turning point was learning to “save a piece of the pie” for myself: boundaries, self-respect, and small choices that rebuild your spark before you hit empty. 

If you’ve been shrinking, second-guessing your worth, or measuring your life against someone else’s lane, this is your reminder that you can change direction and redesign your future at any moment. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review telling me what helps you step back into your light.

Transcript

Feeling Outshined And Reframing It

Sun And Moon Cycles Of Light

SPEAKER_01 0:06

Hi gorgeous, it's that time again where you get to sit back, relax, and listen to another episode of Smell the Roses with Steph. If this podcast speaks to your heart, go ahead and hit the subscribe button. Make sure you follow the show so you'll get all the updates and never miss a new episode. There is nothing worse than feeling overshadowed by the people you love. A sibling, a partner, a friend, a colleague. At some point in life we've all felt outshined. Sometimes it lights a fire in us. It motivates us, even inspires us. But other times it quietly breaks us. Because living in someone else's shadow never feels good. But today I want to shift that perspective. Because standing in someone else's light doesn't have to dim yours. Just because you're in the dark doesn't mean the light is gone. It simply means you're in a different part of the cycle. Take a moment to think about the relationship between the sun and the moon. The moon doesn't compete with the sun, it translates it. It takes powerful, overwhelming light and softens it into something gentle, something we can sit with in the dark. And just like that, your light doesn't disappear when someone else shines brighter.

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It transforms.

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The people around you may carry a strong radiant energy, but being near that light doesn't diminish you.

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It expands you.

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You have to learn to see it differently. Spiritually, we move through cycles too. There are times when you are feeling seen, expressive, aligned. That's your full moon energy. And there are times when you are quieter, more internal, working in the shadows. That's your new moon energy. Both are powerful, both are necessary. You are always growing, always evolving your light. Some days you will feel like the sun, bold, direct, unstoppable. Other days you will feel like the moon, reflective, gentle, quietly powerful.

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Both versions of you are enough.

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We are not here to compete with each other. We are here to share light. That's something Chris and I live by.

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When you win, I win.

When Motherhood Made Me Disappear

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And that mindset changes everything. There was a time when I felt outshone by Chris's talents, achievements and accomplishments. While I was a stay at home mum looking after a one year old and a newborn, Chris was the breadwinner, he was excelling in his soccer team, playing in grand finals and winning the golden boot. He was social and spending his nights out on the town with his friends. Meanwhile, I was at home dedicated to being a mother, taking care of our home. I felt like I was living in the shadows, as if my roles were nowhere near as important as Chris's. I found it difficult to contribute to adult conversation. I was understimulated, relying on my baby's routines to keep my life together. Outside of my home I felt uncomfortable, inadequate, so I stopped going out, I stopped living my life to the fullest, and that only led me to resenting my husband. He had done nothing wrong and I didn't want to hold him back. There were days where I forgot who I was, and I thought that my life as a wife and parent was a life sentence.

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Which it was definitely not.

Stop Comparing And Build Your Light

Choose Again Tomorrow And Close

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But this isn't where we're supposed to be. Do you want to know what I learnt? Always save a piece of the pie for yourself. Otherwise you will starve. You will be left feeling like a slave to your children, an assistant to your partner and husband, used and abused, and your soul will feel diminished. Your energy drops, your competence fades, and the connection to who you truly are starts to weaken. Do not give everything you have to work, to your partner, your child or anyone else. Because when you run on empty, you don't just feel tired, you feel depleted, heavy, frustrated, disconnected. I've been there for days, weeks, even months, and eventually something gives, whether it's my patience, my mood or my energy. And it's not worth it because when you lose yourself you don't just feel it, the people around you feel it too. So learn your limits, listen to yourself and stop before you reach your breaking point. Here's the truth, no one is trying to overshadow you. You don't have to live in the shadows of others. Everyone is running their own race. You're not even in the same lane. So why are you comparing? What if instead you stepped back and saw it differently? You're not behind them, you're not beneath them. What if you saw yourself as simply being on the sideline, cheering them on? And if the roles were reversed, they would be cheering you too. Maybe it's time to step out of the shadows of everyone else's life and start building something of your own. Your own goals, your own passions, your own light. Because the truth is no one is holding you in the dark but you are not stuck, you are not trapped, you are choosing every single day how you live your life. You can change direction, create something new and redesign your future at any moment. The only thing in life that is guaranteed is that the sun will rise and it will set. What you choose to do in those hours of light and darkness is entirely up to you. Even when life feels uncertain, the rhythm of light and dark reminds us This moment is not permanent. There is always tomorrow. There is always another chance to step back into your light.

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Steph is here to guide you to the best version of yourself.

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Be yourself, love yourself and start living for you. Until next time, be bold, be brave, and stay true to yourself always.