Live for You, Not for Them

If you’ve built a life around being “nice”, always available, always agreeable, this might be the wake-up call your nervous system has been waiting for. I’m talking about people pleasing, guilt, and the quiet burnout that comes from living for everyone else while your own dreams sit on the shelf.

I share the mindset shift that changed everything for me: you have nothing to prove to others and everything to prove to yourself. When I finally learned to say no, the guilt didn’t get louder, it got smaller. The more I protected my time, my energy, and my self-worth, the more space I had to chase what I truly wanted and build a life by design. If fear, finances, timing, or self-doubt keep blocking your goals, we unpack why those desires keep returning and why that’s a sign you’re meant to follow through.

Then we get practical with a relationship audit you can do today. I walk you through sorting the people in your life into three groups, thanking the ones who lift you up, making time for the ones worth investing in, and creating distance from the pessimists who drain you and tear down your aspirations. This is about boundaries, personal growth, positive relationships, and choosing who gets access to your story.

If you’re ready to stop dimming your light, press play, do the challenge, and tell me what you notice. Subscribe, share this with a mate who needs stronger boundaries, and leave a review so more people can find Smell the Roses with Steph.

Transcript

Welcome And A Life By Design

SPEAKER_01 0:06

Hi gorgeous, it's that time again where you get to sit back, relax, and listen to another episode of Smell the Roses with Steph. If this podcast speaks to your heart, go ahead and hit the subscribe button. Make sure you follow the show so you'll get all the updates and never miss a new episode. You only have to be enough to yourself. You have nothing to prove to others and everything to prove to yourself. You will only get what you want out of life if you do it for you. I have always been a dreamer. I used to put my life on hold for others, but not anymore. Every day I wake up and live to serve my own desires. I am living the life I've always dreamt of, a life I designed for me. I married my soulmate, have three beautiful healthy children that love me. I live on a hobby farm in my dream house with our three gorgeous dogs, twin goats and my horse. I have a sport car collection, one of which I imported and it was my dream car from the age of 18. You know the one that featured in the original Fast and the Furious movie? I bought it. I cannot believe how the power of my thoughts and my heart's desires are now my living reality.

People Pleasing And Learning No

SPEAKER_01 1:49

The most important part of living a life by design is to know exactly what you want and go for it. One of my best attributes, but also my biggest personality flaw was that I was a people pleaser. My entire life I aimed to please others, not for compliments, but because I genuinely wanted to see other people happy. I didn't realize it was contributing to my own unhappiness. Three years ago I made a conscious decision to learn how to say the word no. No to myself, no to my husband, no to my children, no to my parents and family members, and no to my friends. And do you know what? The more I said no, the less guilty I felt. I chose to not put myself in a position where I felt bad for doing what I wanted. I had to train my brain to know that it was okay to put myself first. After years of doing things to make other people feel happy. Whose happiness is more important than yours?

SPEAKER_00 3:13

No one's that's who.

SPEAKER_01 3:15

It is not your job to constantly please others. The people in your life accept you for who you are. They don't find your flaws, they praise all your goodness. You cannot control the way people receive you. You can only control what you give through speech, body language, and through your actions. I learnt to hold on to my energy, save the best parts of me for myself. I already knew that I was kind, loving person I was on the inside. I just forgot to give myself love, time and care. I thought by giving I would receive, but as I mentioned in my last episode, living in the shadows of others is never a good place to be. You are enough. Your dreams are worth chasing. I never gave up believing even now that I have achieved all my heart's desires. Guess what? I want more. I will get more. I will continue to grow and reach for the stars, and you know what? That's not greedy. That's okay. Unapologetically wanting more is okay. This is all relevant to building a life you want. I'm here to tell you how I did it. Why you deserve it. Don't be held back by fears, finances, timing or self doubt. I have been there, and I'm telling you, it's worth putting in the work because those thoughts and desires will not go away. You will reach an age where you cannot run that marathon. Your eligibility for a loan will be denied, or your body will not let you. The universe didn't plant those seeds in your mind because it didn't think you could achieve it. It gave them to you because the higher power of God, the universe, whatever resonates with you, knows that you can do this.

SPEAKER_00 5:25

You just need to believe.

Protect Your Energy With Better Company

SPEAKER_01 5:28

The hardest thing I have learnt is to protect yourself. I have always been an open minded, optimistic soul that sees the good in everything. Then I realize the more time I spent with others, the more I started to mirror their behavior. When I was with people who were negative, whinged and complained, I would start to mimic their behavior and start doing the same. This is the importance of aligning yourself with people who you feel add value to your life. If you surround yourself with positive people that support you, you too will naturally show positive behavior and actions. I challenge you right now to write a list of the people you currently have in your life. Divide them into three groups. Whether it's to your face, out for dinner, in public, talking negatively to you about other people in their life, these people drain you. Once you have written the people's names down into the groups you want, take time to reflect. I personally do not have many people in my life. Finding people to add to group one and two is harder than you think. I can count mine on one hand. Once you have your names written in the groups, here's what I want you to do. Group one, give thanks to the people in this group. Pick up the phone and call them. Be specific. Tell them why you are grateful to have them in your life and how they have had a positive impact. These are the people you want in your present and future. Group two. These are the people who you need to make more time for and reach out to. These two groups can make such a positive impact on your life. Why wouldn't you want to fill your space with people who lift your energy, provide stability and show support? Accepting anything other than that is not giving yourself the respect you deserve. Group three This was probably the easiest group to name. And if you were like me, most of your friends and family ended up in this group. Why? Because not everyone wants a life like yours. Not everyone a high achievers. It's not that they are lazy. They just have a different approach to life, so when you are sitting there all excited to tell them your dreams and aspirations, they try to tear you down. They only see the negative, what could go wrong with your ideas, not what could go right. These pessimists do not deserve to be a part of your future. They will try to bring you down, make you second guess your decisions, hold you back and want you to fail by never giving anything a go in the first place. These types of people are full of fabricated self-inflicted fear. These people are dangerous to you achieving your goals. You need to remove them from your life if you want to succeed. You know I'm right. You felt it when you leave the dinner or outing when you're together, you think.

SPEAKER_00 9:25

There's such Debbie Downers.

SPEAKER_01 9:27

Don't hold on to the people because you are fearful you won't have friends. I am the happiest I've ever been, and I have minimal friends. You get to choose who gets to be a part of your story, who you share your time and thoughts with. By trimming your family and friends and filling it with uplifting influences that build you up and help you grow into the best version of yourself.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

Steph does not expect anything less for herself and her family.

SPEAKER_01 10:03

Letting go is going to be hard for some of you. It doesn't have to be an abrupt ending. Whatever you're comfortable with and whatever feels right for you, you will do. Live for you, not for them. We have all shedded friendships over the years for many different reasons, and not all are negative. Some friends move away, some you lost contact with. This is not a bad thing, this shows growth. You have moved through the friendships, you save the good memories, taken what you needed from that relationship and moved on to the next. Once you have grown out of what no longer serves you, you can move past it. Over the past few months shedding some of my closest friendships has really helped me flourish into the woman I am today. It has been freeing. I have stopped dimming my light and focused on applying all of my positive energy inward. Letting go of people in your life is a great way to see you are moving forward. If it does not serve you anymore, release it.

Letting Go And The Personal Challenge

SPEAKER_01 11:24

This episode is a personal challenge. I ask you to dive deeper. Give yourself permission to be honest with yourself, ask the hard questions, and cut the negative tape from your life. May your results be as eye opening and freeing as mine. Until next time, may your days be brighter and your heart feel lighter.