SPEAKER_02 0:04

Welcome to Doolis Unhinged, the podcast where we tell the unfiltered truths and disrupt the accepted view of modern birth and parenting.

SPEAKER_00 0:12

We're your hosts, Alex Shaw and Lacey Morgan, here to cut through the noise, share the stories no one else will, and empower you with real talk that's equal parts honest, funny, and unapologetic. Let's get Unhinged.

SPEAKER_02 0:32

Oh, we are hot to trot today. I can't even. I just I'm I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 0:37

Maybe I'm hormonal. We're all hormonal. I'm tired. I think if I'm gonna be honest, I think it's the stress of what's coming. It's the stress of waiting, right? And and I think we've talked about that before on the podcast. Like this the impact that it has on us, the anxiety that is like just under the surface of am I gonna sleep tonight, right? Like I told you, I woke up at 6 30 this morning. You're gonna sleep tonight, wide awake at 6 30 this morning, and I hate that I even looked at the clock because I was like, my alarm isn't going off. I don't have to get up, I should not look at my phone, but instantly it was like, oh my god, it's early. I can tell by the color of the sunlight, yeah, right? And I was like, somebody's gonna go into labor tonight and you're not gonna sleep. That's what's gonna happen, right? And so then my whole day has been just a simmer, yes, yes, just a simmer of anxiety underneath, and and I love it, I cannot wait to go to somebody's birth, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:47

But the lead up, the build-up, the not knowing.

SPEAKER_00 1:51

It's the waiting to be called because I I need to work on my nervous system because I freeze. I get into a freeze state where I'm unable to do anything else with my day. I feel like I have to conserve my energy. I I don't want to people, I don't want to go anywhere. I just I shut down in anticipation of having to be on, right? And some of that is my brain injury, I think. You know, like I really have to conserve my mental energy. But do you experience that too?

SPEAKER_02 2:27

Well, it's funny, at least you're saying all of this, and you've been doing this a lot longer than I have, and I I ebb and I flow through that, and I think the underlying like anxiety about it is a resounding yes that never goes away because we are on call 24-7.

SPEAKER_03 2:46

Right.

SPEAKER_02 2:47

Um, but I some sometimes I try to just live my life. Like I try to just like okay, I'm teaching my spin class today, right? That's energy outward, not only like people, but like physically, that's a lot of energy out. And like I'm gonna do this, and I'm gonna do I'm just gonna live my life. And if I'm tired, I'm tired. Like, I'm just gonna do it anyway. Because if we're f like frozen, then we're never gonna enjoy life. And I don't want to live like that. Yeah, I know, but I hear you, and sometimes it hits me like that, and I'm just like suffocated by it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:25

Right now, I went I went for a bike ride last night uh with a friend, and um, you know, I was like, we were talking about dual work and being on call, and you know, I said I have three moms, past dates, and two who are kind of in their do zone. Um, you know, and I was like, and yeah, it freaks me out that like we could ride an hour away, and then somebody could need something, and like I'm an hour before I get back to my car. Um, thankfully, you're on call during the days right now, so I have a little bit more freedom in that. Like it's a little less stressful, but when we were alternating days, that was always a factor in my mind because occasionally we get those one-offs that don't do what we ask them to do, which is to communicate every little detail.

SPEAKER_02 4:18

Like, I've been contracting since 6 a.m. this morning. We're like, what? It's eight o'clock at night, girl. What are you doing? You shouldn't have told us. I know.

SPEAKER_00 4:27

Um, but so you know, like even that, right? Like, there is that little bit of added pressure. Um, so I don't know. And then I went to the uh training um acupressure for birth workers today, and our phone was just blowing up the whole time I was there, and I was like, I in my introduction, I was like, hi, I'm Lacey Morgan, the owner of King of Fresh Adulas. I'm sorry, I have a client whose water may have broken this morning, and I've got two others who are post-dates and two others in their do zone, so I'm probably gonna be on my phone. Please don't think that I'm rude, and then literally was on your phone the entire time. Um so I don't know, like it, you know, these little minor impacts of our lives. Minor, god, but then I can't wait for someone to go into labor and to get to be there, you know, like over the phone, coaching them and guiding them and offering support, and you know, then in person and and being with the doulas today, you know, I'm surrounded by doulas and we're all kind of talking about our style and our things, and you know, and they're talking about going in, you know, at the very beginning of labor, and I'm like, what a waste of your energy. Right. And I said, when when my clients tell their birth story five or ten years from now, I want them to be like, oh my gosh, we worked with these amazing doulas. What were their names? I want to be a shadow in their memories, right? I want the partner to be the the star of the show when it comes to comfort measures, and I don't need to be in person to rock a peanut ball. No, right? Like you talk all the time about how we're doulas in the back pocket of the partner. Like I I love that analogy because if you tell us what's going on, we can coach and guide you. We don't have to physically be there. And if we've done our job to teach you the comfort measures and the techniques, all he needs is uh a little script, yeah. Like a coach to call the plays. Yeah, I feel like a first base coach. It's like go now, go now, or don't stop. Yeah, right? Yeah, like so I I don't know. I don't know. The musings of Adulla who is stressed enough. Distressed.

SPEAKER_02 6:50

Suffocated. It'll all be good. It's all gonna work out.

SPEAKER_00 6:54

It'll be fine. It's always fine. Yeah. And I know, like when we you know, I'm very, very intuitive. Um I had a very short period in my life after the car accident where I felt completely disconnected. My my brain broke and my connection to the energies of the universe was severed. Um, but it's coming back through some of these like alternative modalities that I'm I'm doing, and I I feel it again, you know. And when we sign these clients, I always do a gut check. Like, is this oh yeah, is it okay? Is it the right thing to do? Is it is it gonna line up okay? And I mean it's never steered me wrong. Yeah. In all the years, I mean, almost 13 years of doing this, it's never steered me wrong.

SPEAKER_02 7:39

Yeah, it's gonna be okay. Yeah, it's just we're also learning how to manage our own stress at various points of our lives. And it changes very menopause and changes.

SPEAKER_00 7:51

It's like puberty all over adults worse. So much worse. Because not only do you have the stress of the hormone changes, but then you also have the stress of life. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 8:05

I agree. Screw that shit, god. I know.

SPEAKER_00 8:09

Anyway. Uh so yesterday we were chit-chatting like girls and decided that um it might be fun to do a podcast on uh sex during pregnancy.

SPEAKER_02 8:24

Are you gonna do your thing?

SPEAKER_00 8:30

We were giggling, just talking about sex. Which is I I think for a lot of people, and obviously not everybody, because you know, people have different relationships with sex, but I think for a lot of people, sex is an important part of their relationship, right? It is a way that women connect to their partners, but I think it is more so a way that men connect and feel connected, right? And so um if you get pregnant and then you are completely um unwilling or afraid to have intercourse, um you know, then your partner has nine months while you're pregnant that they are feeling disconnected um potentially. And really, if we look at the postpartum period, anywhere from three to nine months, a year, a year and a half, two years, sometimes women aren't ready to re-engage in a physical relationship. Um and that can really take a toll on um on a relationship and the the intimacy. And not to say that sex is the only way that you can have intimacy in your relationship because there's lots of ways to be intimate. But I think that you know, coitus is an important part of most relationships.

SPEAKER_01 9:57

Yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_00 9:59

Yeah, so we figured we would discuss um some common questions about sex during pregnancy. Yeah, all right. So, Alex, I think the first most pressing question that we get as duel as is it safe?

SPEAKER_02 10:15

Yes, we do. And yeah, and moms are always afraid too.

SPEAKER_01 10:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:20

Because they they don't know if it's safe, and yes, it is. Let's mm mm bust that myth. Yeah, it is safe, and as long as it feels good, you know, because just like moms getting into all sorts of positions during sleep, right? Like on your back, on your stomach, you're gonna know if this is in a safe position. If this doesn't feel good, you're gonna know I want to get out of this position, and you will get out of that position.

SPEAKER_00 10:47

Right. In typical healthy pregnancies, sex is safe.

SPEAKER_02 10:52

Yes, as long as your water hasn't broken. We always say that too.

SPEAKER_00 10:55

Right. It's not safe if your water's broken, it's not safe if you have placenta previa, which is where the placenta is covering the service. Um, you should consult with a physician if you're having bleeding, although some bleeding during pregnancy can occur, and towards the end of pregnancy, some bleeding after sex may occur. Uh, but it's definitely something to consult with your care provider. I said physician, as if physicians are the only people who can catch babies. Uh with your midwife or uh physician, um, or if you're at risk of preterm labor, um, those would be reasons not to have sex. But in the general healthy pregnancy, sex is considered safe.

SPEAKER_03 11:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:40

Right? And so if you think about it from an anatomy mindset, you have the uterus. If you imagine a balloon uh where the part that you put your lips on to blow the balloon up, if that's hanging down, right? So the uterus is the part of the balloon that's blown up, where your lips would go is your cervix, right? And that cervix through most of your pregnancy is closed. So nothing's getting in there anyway. Uh, and then it also has a mucus plug that creates a barrier to keep bacteria out of the uterus, right? And so we have this mucus plug to literally plug it off, right? And then you have the amniotic fluid, so the penis is never coming in contact with the baby. The baby. I think that's a big one. Yeah, partners sometimes are like freaked out that they're gonna poke the baby's head. It's like, brother, your dick is not that long, right? Like it's not, it's not gonna do that. Yes, uh, your penis is not that long, it's not going to make contact with your baby, right? And there's a cervix in between your penis and the baby, right? And all of these other things, the mucus plug, the fluid, right? So your baby is protected and will be completely unbothered by intercourse between their parents, yeah. Right? They're really a non-entity in the experience. Yeah. Um so uh I think that you know, as we go through pregnancy, uh sometimes our desires for intercourse can change, right? What do you see happen?

SPEAKER_02 13:27

Um, I see in the beginning of pregnancy, I've I see people are more um willing, more the desire is higher, they want to be intimate, and as they get into like that second trimester, things kind of change because their bodies, women's bodies are changing. And depending on the woman, towards the end of pregnancy, some women are very um frisky.

SPEAKER_00 13:53

Yeah. I've seen both. Yeah, I've seen women in their first trimester be too nauseous to have any energy or desire for that. But I think as the hormones are rising, sometimes they become more um sexually inclined, right? If they're not incredibly nauseous, but I would say more often than not, I'm seeing moms who can barely like get through their day, let alone think about intercourse with their partner. Yeah. Um and I don't know, like I think in that second trimester when for me anyway, when I was like feeling good in my second trimester, I was I was definitely interested in sex during my second trimester. Yeah. Um conversations that I've had with clients uh, you know, have really been about like body issues, right? And in that third trimester, they feel heavy, they feel uncomfortable skin. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:51

They're like, their body is not their own.

SPEAKER_00 14:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:54

They're like, I can't, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:56

And that's the point where we're like, please have sex. Please, please, please have sex. I know you're uncomfortable, but also It's so good. I had one client who had sex in labor. She was like, I'm getting this baby out.

SPEAKER_02 15:12

Yes, get it, girl.

SPEAKER_00 15:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:15

That was like me, with but running. Yeah, it was not sex, it was running. I was like, I'm getting this kid out.

SPEAKER_00 15:22

You know, and I think like from a physiological standpoint, right, you've got the hormones that are in play, right? Uh, you have increased blood flow to the genitalia. Absolutely, right? Um, and and it feels good for a lot of people. And then in terms of benefits to you and your labor, the the release of oxytocin that happens during intercourse and and especially during orgasm is super beneficial in ripening your cervix. Uh semen is a natural prostaglandin, so that's beneficial, right? It's going to help to ripen your cervix, especially if you elevate your pelvis and allow the semen to kind of marinite the cervix.

SPEAKER_02 16:11

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 16:14

Um and it's good for connecting with your partner in a time where you know you're about to put a wedge in your relationship, right? Like babies are wonderful, special little beings that you know we're all so fortunate to have the opportunity to encounter, if we are so fortunate to have the opportunity to encounter, but they're a huge wedge in your relationship.

SPEAKER_02 16:40

Yeah, I mean, yeah, because your attention is now divided. It's not just you the partners anymore.

SPEAKER_00 16:47

Right.

SPEAKER_02 16:47

It's now my especially for the mother, like the attention is on the baby. And so a lot of the time partners they feel forgotten about that, right?

SPEAKER_00 16:56

Yeah, they they feel displaced, I think, is what I've heard from partners, right? Like she used to pay attention to me, she used to ask about my day. You know, she used to be interested in me and now she's exhausted. Yeah and all we talk about is the baby and whether the baby ate or whether the baby slept or how much the baby pooped, right? Like and they feel uh pushed to the side in a lot of ways.

SPEAKER_02 17:22

Yeah, and the more kids the more divided her attention is going to be.

SPEAKER_00 17:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:27

And to have yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:29

I think you know, and that that's a call to action for partners to lighten the mental load, right? Like, where can you take some of the stress and pressure off of the woman so that she has energy for you, right? For you and for intercourse, right? Like and foreplay is an all-day experience for women.

SPEAKER_02 17:53

Yes, right, and also like orgasm isn't the end goal, right? Can like being in that space and connecting, whether you're having intercourse or not, like the orgasm, like that's like a side, that's like a bonus, right? But it's the pleasure and the experience that you're creating in those moments that is the goal.

SPEAKER_00 18:14

Yeah. I mean, I I would think that in a healthy dimension.

SPEAKER_02 18:16

I mean, obviously we all have orgasms. Yes, please, but you know, I think I think it gets the foreplay gets bypassed.

SPEAKER_00 18:24

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 18:24

Is my is my point.

SPEAKER_00 18:25

And then partners feel, you know, kind of um undervalued because you know it's like nine o'clock at night and they're like, oh, let's have sex, and she's like, dude, I'm tired. I'm beep. Right? Like, no.

SPEAKER_02 18:38

Do you know the day that I had?

SPEAKER_00 18:40

Right. Right. You you can't even imagine the day that she had, right? Um whether she's a stay-at-home parent or a working parent, it tends to be, and obviously this is not true for everybody, right? But a you know, um the these ideas, they they come to be what am I looking for? Stereotypes. Um, you know, the stereotypes become a thing because it's a common experience, right?

SPEAKER_02 19:09

How about like I want to bring this topic up, overstimulated, yes, right? Like, yes, it moms get so and this is true for moms of one, and this is true for moms of four or five or six, right? They get over stimulated and touched out.

SPEAKER_00 19:27

Yes. The last thing I wanted to do after having my kids nursing all day long was be touched by anybody else. Anyone else.

SPEAKER_01 19:37

Yeah, yep.

SPEAKER_00 19:38

Yeah. Um, but since we're primarily focusing on uh pregnancy, the good stuff, yeah. Um so uh you know you're you're experiencing these sexual encounters, um, but I do think that it's mindful to uh mind it's important to be mindful of what's happening in the body, right? So during pregnancy, your cervix is changing from posterior to anterior, so from pointing to the back to pointing to the front, right? That's something to be mindful of because the positions that you use might feel more pleasurable. Yes. Uh, you know, in one position versus another based on where your cervix is. Um, your cervix is changing length, uh, which is why sometimes you'll see bleeding after intercourse if you're experiencing a facement. Right? Um you might have an increased mucus, right? A lot of women uh during their pregnancy are experiencing an increase in mucal production. Um and the other thing that I think is really important to remember is sometimes how often had we have we had people who reach out to us after having sex and then think that they're water broke?

SPEAKER_02 21:00

Oh yeah, so much. Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:02

Uh and what's happening is because of the body chemistry in the vagina and as it's shifting, right, like its job is basically to protect your baby. Yeah. And so semen and the uh fluids of intercourse become very fluid, right? And they can be very liquidy, yes, yeah. And so abundant. Sometimes people can be um duped into thinking that their water broke after intercourse, yeah, like in the days that follow, because their body is just releasing the products of intercourse.

SPEAKER_03 21:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:42

Like I I can't remember I I read a post from a nurse who was like, oh my god, the number of people who come in thinking that their water is broken, and we have to tell them that it's just from sex. But if no one tells you that, you You wouldn't know, right? And now this liquid is coming out of my vagina. What else could it be? Yeah. Right? Yeah. Because Or they think it's pea. I for most women, I you know, they're they're not dripping when they're not pregnant after sex. Yeah. Right? Like they're not waking up the next morning generally. Yeah. And ha in a healthy vaginal biome. Yeah. Right? Having semen and body fluids leaking out of them. Yeah. Right? And so now this is a different experience. And if no one ever told you that that's normal, it could be very alarming. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so I thought that was important to bring up. Um what else did we want to talk about? Oh, positions.

SPEAKER_02 22:44

Yes, positions. Which you mentioned earlier. Um, so certain positions based on the cervix, like position, might feel better for you and and how your body changes throughout pregnancy, right? Like certain positions might feel better when the woman is on top, right? She has more control of everything. Of everything. And so that might be a good position to be in.

SPEAKER_00 23:10

And partners like it, especially boob guys, right? Especially boob guys. Because our body is changing, right? Yeah. And and that is a pleasurable experience for them often. Um, I also found that uh standing by the side of the bed and leaning forward onto a stack of pillows allowed room for my belly. Um, and you know, then it was a little bit more comfortable or even like a all four position. But you have to be really careful with that because that can create an in uh increase in depth, uh, which can be, you know, so you just have to communicate with your partner, right? Like they should take it slow in the beginning and find kind of the the end point of comfort for you.

SPEAKER_02 23:55

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm thinking about just the mechanics of of baby shifting, like in an all fours, like if the woman's chest is down, like a doggy style type position, baby's coming out of the pelvis.

SPEAKER_00 24:09

Yeah, moving away, actually increasing potential comfort.

SPEAKER_02 24:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:12

But I think the cervix can be so sensitive from the the blood flow and the nerve endings, you know, being activated, right? So could be.

SPEAKER_02 24:24

Um, you know it's good to try many positions. That's what I think. All the positions that you feel comfortable doing.

SPEAKER_00 24:31

And include nipple stimulation, which again helps to ripen the cervix. Yeah. Uh but here's what I'll say: no amount of sex. Oh, we just said this to someone. Right? No amount of sex is going to put you into labor.

SPEAKER_02 24:43

As is no amount of spicy food or walking. All of the myths.

SPEAKER_00 24:48

Nipple stimulation.

SPEAKER_02 24:49

Yeah, like red raspberry leaf. Your body will go into labor when it's good and ready, and when baby is good and ready.

SPEAKER_00 24:55

Right. But in my mind, as a doula, I recommend this, and I always said it in the birth classes when I taught the birth class. I was like, Dads, like you're here for you, not for her. Yeah. And I'm going to make it worth your while. And then, like, told them to have sex and do nipple stimulation like 12 times in the class. They were like, I love this one.

SPEAKER_03 25:12

Oh my god, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:15

Uh what it does is help your body to be ready, help your cervix to be favorable, right? But it's not going to, it's not gonna put you into labor.

SPEAKER_02 25:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:29

Right? Like it just makes things more favorable.

SPEAKER_02 25:32

Yes. So don't be afraid.

SPEAKER_00 25:34

Right. Right. I nursed my second child through my entire third pregnancy. Uh and in fairness, I went one day before her due date, but the intervals were close. I was pregnant at 10 months postpartum. Yeah. Right. She was my third baby, and I had nipple simulation all day, every day. Not all day. But you know, like a lot, right?

SPEAKER_03 26:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:01

And still she only came one day early versus the other two who came four and five days early. Or four and five days late, rather. Okay, right. So my other two came four and five days late.

SPEAKER_02 26:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 26:14

Like it wasn't like it put me into labor.

SPEAKER_02 26:16

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:17

Right? And that was the entire pregnancy.

SPEAKER_02 26:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:21

You would think that if nipple stimulation could put you into labor, it would have. Nursing of you know, another child would do it.

SPEAKER_02 26:28

I was into nipple stim the first time around.

SPEAKER_00 26:31

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 26:32

Yeah. I was like, this feels great. Yes, please.

SPEAKER_00 26:35

Right. Because again, like your body is putting energy into these parts that are going to be involved in and my oldest was a week early.

SPEAKER_02 26:45

Interesting. And my middle. But then my youngest was two weeks late, so who knows?

SPEAKER_00 26:49

Oh my gosh. So you probably felt three weeks late by that point.

SPEAKER_02 26:53

Oh or four. Like like a whole month. I was like, this is ridiculous. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. I don't remember much about my pregnancy with the middle.

SPEAKER_01 27:08

Poor middle babies.

SPEAKER_02 27:10

I know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:11

Oh, the poor middle child. I know.

SPEAKER_02 27:13

It was good though. I mean, I remember being like a woman labor. I'm I'm gonna go for a run. Like, I'm getting this baby out.

SPEAKER_00 27:18

So because your first labor was really so long. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:21

So, you know.

SPEAKER_00 27:22

And you probably didn't need to go for a run. You probably would have had a shorter second labor anyway.

SPEAKER_02 27:27

Maybe I was like, oh, this is going down. Like a mad woman.

SPEAKER_00 27:33

This is your eviction notice. Get out. Yep. Oh. Oh, that's funny. Um try I'm trying to think if there was anything else that we wanted to cover on this topic. Um, so let's talk about partners um and their, you know, their experience. Um fear, I think, is a big one, right? So if mom is craving sex, she might have to have a conversation with her partner because he might be afraid of contact with the baby, hurting the baby, hurting her, right? Um they might think it's weird. Yeah. Right? Like I know sometimes people have a really hard time like separating sex and sexuality from parenthood. Yes. Right. Yes. Um again, I think that that is a a conversation worth having with your partner, right? Like open dialogue around it is super important.

SPEAKER_02 28:36

Yeah, because you're creat you're creating a baby, you know, like and you're sexual beings.

SPEAKER_00 28:40

Yeah, yeah. Uh, and I think it's important to have a conversation with your partner about their desires and their needs in this period because maybe dude, I would rather have intercourse than engage in any kind of oral when I was pregnant because my gag reflex was so sensitive, right? But for some families, opting to, you know, pleasure your partner in a different way still would be an alternative and create that connection.

SPEAKER_02 29:15

I agree. Right.

SPEAKER_00 29:16

I agree. Um not for me in that particular period in my life, but some people may find that, yeah, they may find that better as an option. Um I think what my goal in talking about this topic is to really bring about an awareness of the importance of paying attention to intimacy because when we don't, when we aren't having conversations about it, like I go online and I see these posts that people are making, and my first question always is always, did you talk to your partner about this? Right? Like you're coming to this group of women for their input and feedback, but have you talked to the person in your life about it? Yeah, like how do they feel? What are they saying? What are their needs? Yeah. Right? And then you have a baby, right? And your body is trying to put its organs back together, right? Back where not back together, back where they belong, right? Your hormones are trying to balance out, you're trying to keep a small human alive, whether that is from your body or just in general, right? You've got this added layer of stress and pressure and mental load, and then your partner's like, hey, like I thought, you know, you went to that six-week checkup, like time, let's go, baby. We're we're good to go. Yeah, right. And you're like, excuse me, absolutely not, right? Like it I am someone who I'm sure everybody needs to know this. I'm someone who has a very high sex drive. Yeah, like it's always been very high, and so I was eager to get back to that intimate connection, but even at six months postpartum, I really struggled to have any kind of desire. Yeah, right, and there's a difference between thinking about it and physically executing right yes. At six months postpartum, I was still struggling to be engaged with my husband at the time. And at a year postpartum, I was still having pain from my surgery, right? From the C-section. I I had scar pain for a year and a half after my C-section, right? And so it was really difficult to get back into a rhythm with my then, my husband. Yeah, my then husband. Um and so, you know, I think that like having conversations with your partner about how do we stay connected in this time of sex is an important part of your relationship. Yeah, how having the conversation, how do we stay connected in this time where physical intimacy of the likes that we are accustomed to is maybe not on the table. Yeah. Right? Like what else can we do? And having a plan and an agreement, and of course it can be fluid and change, but like having a dialogue about it before you're in the throes of it.

SPEAKER_02 32:30

I agree. I agree, and also just in labor in like for labor support in general, right? Because there's so many people, and I I think we do a really good job of like of educating partners to how to support their laboring women. But if it doesn't go, like if the woman feels not protected and supported by her partner, you know what I mean? That is a huge factor in whether or not she will be, she will have the desire. Because if a woman doesn't feel safe, she is not gonna ever open. I mean not ever, but it will take her longer to open up in a sexual way.

SPEAKER_00 33:11

Absolutely, because you were supposed to protect her and you allowed something that she didn't want to happen happen. Happen.

SPEAKER_02 33:17

Yeah. And I think that's an important piece that that is overlooked in our in you know, in our lives, in our sexual lives.

SPEAKER_00 33:28

Yeah. And how you're showing up as a partner, as a fa you know, as a partner, a father. There's nothing hotter than a good dad.

SPEAKER_02 33:38

Hell yeah. Right? Yum. You know it when you see it, you're like, mmm, yummy. Right? Uh-huh. Truly.

SPEAKER_00 33:44

It is because I think that, you know, like we being what what are they called where they all live together? Communal. Right. We being communal animals, right? Like, we expect our partners to be an engaged part of the process. And so, you know, having a partner who engages with the baby, who engages with the toddlers, who takes the kids out to, you know, have a catch, right? Like, there is something to our core that is inspiring, right? That gets us excited. Yeah. Yes. And so being an engaged partner will likely increase her sexual attention to you. Yeah. Not to mention it relieves some of the mental load if you're taking the kids out for a double whammy. Two birds, one stone. Right. Um, anyway, so we thought that this might be a helpful topic because a lot of people are afraid of sex, and a lot of people are afraid of having the conversation around sex.

SPEAKER_02 34:54

Um I hope this, I hope it like it puts people at ease, like it's like, oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 34:59

Right. It's really not that big of a deal. It's not, right? I jokingly sometimes tell moms, like, you're just not that special, right? Like your VBAC is not that special, right? We make it uh out to be something that it's not, and and I say that with so much love because I was a VBAC mom too, right? But like your body is basically the same as everyone else, right? And and don't let anybody put into your mind that it's like not somehow damaged or different, right? Like, I I say it to minimize the stress, right? Like you're just not that special, you're just like everybody else. Yeah, and so sex is just not that special, right?

SPEAKER_02 35:36

Like dick's just not that big, bro.

SPEAKER_03 35:42

Oh too funny. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:44

So hopefully this was helpful. Um, you might want to share it with your partner if you don't feel like you guys um communicate effectively, or if you just want to inspire conversation. Maybe you have great communication, but you want to inspire conversation with your partner. Um, yeah, share it with a friend. Write us a review, we'd love to hear from you.

SPEAKER_03 36:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:06

And if you have questions that you want us to specifically answer, please don't hesitate to reach out on Instagram at duel is unhinged. Yeah. Cool. Alright, until next week. Peace out. Thanks for getting Unhinged with us today. We hope this conversation challenged you, validated you, or made you laugh out loud. Birth and parenting aren't meant to be perfect or polished, and neither are we.

SPEAKER_02 36:28

If you love this episode, share it with someone who needs real and raw truths. Leave us a review and make sure you're subscribed so you don't miss what we're unraveling next. We're Alex Shaw and Lacey Morgan reminding you that your voice matters, your experience is valid, and you're allowed to do this your own way.

SPEAKER_00 36:43

Until next time, stay unhinged.