Ep 21: Rosa's Birth Story

Join us as we learn about Rosa's birth story. Told from her perspective as a mother who chose homebirth for her first baby. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:04

Welcome to Doolets Unhinged, the podcast where we tell the unfiltered truth and disrupt the accepted view of modern birth and parenting.

SPEAKER_00 0:12

We're your hosts, Alex Shaw and Lacey Morgan, here to cut through the noise, share the stories no one else will, and empower you with real talk that's equal to parts honest, funny, and unapologetic. Let's get unhinged. Thank you so much for tuning in to this week's episode of Doolis Unhinged. Uh we want to first apologize for the audio feedback as we are still learning, we are uh learning to revise uh on the fly. So we apologize for that, and we did want to give listeners with um small guests with them the a warning that we uh did discuss teeth in this episode. So do with that information as you please and guard appropriately. Uh we're so excited to share Rosa's birth story with you. As you may have noticed, we do try to bring uh mom on at the end of every month to share her story. And we feel so honored to get to share Rosa's story with you. Hi.

SPEAKER_02 1:25

Hi, you guys are together. Do you always record together? Yeah, oh cool, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:32

And we usually use garage band, so um the download is kind of like instantaneous. We forgot how long Zoom takes to record and convert. Uh so we apologize for the delay.

SPEAKER_02 1:44

No worries.

SPEAKER_00 1:44

Awesome.

SPEAKER_02 1:45

I'm not doing anything, I'm just momming, just momming it up. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:50

Moming it up.

SPEAKER_00 1:51

Yeah, that's a full-time job. Yes, it is.

SPEAKER_05 1:54

It is, it is actually, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:57

Uh Rosa, we're so excited to have you on today to share your story. Um, because so many of our uh our clients birth in the hospital, it's nice to have the other side of things kind of represented. Um, so the format for us uh with these is kind of just to let you take the wheel and tell your story however it feels good and right and natural for you to tell it.

SPEAKER_02 2:25

Cool. Well, I'm excited. I've been looking forward to this for a long time. Yes, and um yeah, uh, I often feel sometimes like a little left out of the hospital birthing. I know me and Lacey talked about this before, but um, it's kind of hard to relate. Um, and I guess the biggest difference between a home birth and a hospital birth, I mean, there's many differences, but like the biggest one is like you don't have somebody, like the timeline is like goes out the window. It's I think for my birth, because when I hear of everybody else's birth stories, it's always like they have a really or somewhat clear sense of like, okay, I was this many centimeters dilated. This is when my water broke, this is when this happened, and that's how like they have the timeline of how their labor progressed. And I feel totally disconnected, maybe not disconnected, but like you don't have any anchor points, yes, yes, like I just feel like I was floating, and I really have no idea when anything happened, so I'll start, but um, I don't have a clear sense or timeline, and honestly, there was no trauma, there was no conflict, confrontation, so it's a pretty chill birth story, and I love it. Um yeah, so I guess it started Friday night. I didn't make it to my due date, which I wasn't expecting because everybody told me, first time mom, you're gonna go way past the due date. Uh, it's gonna take forever. And so I was not expecting to go into labor, I think a week early. Um, I was my due date was September 28th, and I delivered on or I gave birth on September 20th. So I guess. So I think it's important to say, so we had sex that night. Yeah, and I'm or I'm pretty sure that's what started it. And I wonder, like, if we didn't have sex, would it have happened that night? Like, is it Tanner's fault?

SPEAKER_00 4:46

I'm going to say no. Uh, because we we do tell families that there's nothing you can do to force a body that is not ready to have a baby. You can't do enough nipple stimulation, you cannot marinate that cervix and enough semen, you can't eat enough spicy food or walk far enough. Like there's nothing you can do that is going to put you into labor unless your baby and your body are ready, ready to do it.

SPEAKER_05 5:19

I do have a question though. Did you orgasm? No.

SPEAKER_02 5:23

All right. Not not to any, not to anybody's fault. It's just like when you're 38 weeks pregnant or whatever. It's like you're like a rotisser chicken, and like yeah, uh-huh.

SPEAKER_05 5:35

It's really hard. Yeah. Well, we always talk about how like when you do orgasm, your cervix like reach it stretches, it reaches down. And so again, it's not gonna punt you into labor, but it can help in the process. So we always say, like, have as much intercourse as you possibly can and as many orgasms as you possibly can, because it will help your body prepare. So I'm curious, I was curious.

SPEAKER_02 5:57

Yeah, well, I would because like every time we had sex, I would always get like Braxton Hicks contractions, and they would last a good amount of time. So that's what I thought was happening that night, like because it had happened in the past, and so we had dinner reservations at seven to go get sushi. So we left. I was having contractions, getting ready, but I thought it was just normal and they were gonna go away throughout the night. And they were like really persistent through dinner. Um, like I had to like put my feet up, like I couldn't sit right. I was really uncomfortable, but I was like, no, like it's not happening, there's no way. And then I ended up uh going to the bathroom, and I think my mucus plug broke, or whatever the release is it released, but then again, I remember doing like a blossoming bellies birth class, and like they said, well, your mucus plug could break, but um, like that doesn't necessarily mean you're gonna go into labor. So again, I was like in denial. I was like, nah, like it might happen in a week, not tonight.

SPEAKER_00 7:13

Um the most successful mom at really like embracing that idea of ignoring and distracting and denying and gaslighting.

SPEAKER_02 7:28

Oh gosh, yeah. And you know what? I kind of do wish I had a few more weeks. Not that I love Lucy, I love that she's here, but I was I was kind of excited to have a couple more weeks of freedom to get things ready.

SPEAKER_00 7:42

And but that's such a good point because Rosa, so many moms get to the end and they're like, I just want this baby out of me because they think I'm gonna get my body back and I'm gonna feel better, and um, it's it'll be easier to not be pregnant, and then you have a newborn. Good luck, sister.

SPEAKER_02 8:02

That is not easier, it is not easy. No, I I was not ever really that scared of birth, but I was really scared of being a parent and actually having this baby to take care of.

SPEAKER_00 8:19

Well, what were your fears with that? Like what was most prevalent in your heart and your mind?

SPEAKER_02 8:28

I was really scared that I was gonna hate Tanner. Um, and I was husband hate is a real thing, it is, and I've heard a lot about it, and um so that was number one because I was like, we're doing so good. You're killing it right now, and this baby's gonna come and I'm gonna be a nightmare to you, which didn't really end up happening, but so that was one thing that I was really scared of. The other thing was I was scared for my life to change. I really liked my life, I liked my freedom. I feel like I could have been almost just as fulfilled if I never had kids. So, like it was hard to take this leap of faith knowing that I already really liked my independence. I love being alone and just throwing myself into it, uh, not knowing if I was gonna like it as much.

SPEAKER_00 9:28

Yeah. And I think that that is so valid. And so many people enter into parenthood because they want a baby or they want a child or you know, whatever it is, but they don't give any consideration to the impact on their relationship, they don't give any consideration to how it's gonna change their life, and then they go through their entire pregnancy and they focus on having the baby, right? Like the birth, which is arguably the least important thing that you should be worrying about. I know, I agree so much, yeah. Like you, you were at least in the right place of worrying about the things that really you matter.

SPEAKER_05 10:09

Don't get me wrong, your birth matters, it matters, yes, but preparing proportionally your labor is what it's much of the rest of your child's life that you have to parent. Like I don't know, right?

SPEAKER_00 10:24

So it's a it's a valid thing to be worried about how is your life going to be affected and how is your relationship going to be affected. What helped you in that worry or fear?

SPEAKER_02 10:40

Hmm. I think Tanner, I mean, Tanner and I talked a lot about like how he was gonna help me, and I remember like his most used phrase was all you have to do is feed the baby and rest for their those first two weeks, and I will do everything else. And I was like, it's great that you're saying that. I'm gonna be able to help. Like, you're not gonna have to do everything. I was more worried about him taking on more than he. He's very optimistic, and I feel like I'm very pessimistic. So he I was like, I don't know if you really know everything that you're gonna have to do if you really do everything, but he was really adamant like, I got this, I want to do this for you. So we had a lot of those conversations of like, how is postpartum gonna look? Um, and he was really good at uh like planning date nights, so time that we could come together and without the baby, and um just I know he's awesome. Um we're we're over here cheering him on Damn, what a guy. He was I was yeah, I mean I think my my experience with motherhood and postpartum is has been so great um because of him. Yep, and so I think picking your partner is like probably the most important thing, probably the most important thing.

SPEAKER_00 12:15

Yes, yes, it is I agree a hundred yeah, so did he do that because it was important to him, or because you told him that you were worried about your um your postpartum experience damaging your marriage? Like, did he do it because he wanted to, or because he knew that that was your biggest concern?

SPEAKER_02 12:42

Or both.

SPEAKER_00 12:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:45

Um, I think he really went into like research mode once I got pregnant. Um, and so I don't I think I don't think I ever told him to do any of this, but he just found this information on his own, which is like just a testament to his character and like picking a partner who takes initiative and all of that stuff. So yeah. Um and I we I've had like mental health issues, not like super serious mental health, but I struggled with PMDD a lot before, so we knew that like with the hormones, like this is something that we're gonna have to figure out ahead of time because we were expecting it, and I was fine, which I wasn't expecting to be fine, but yeah, I know, and I think it's funny every time we go on our little date night, like we have a little line where say, like, do you have any grievances with me this week? And like we can both just like say, and it's usually me because I feel like he never complains, but it's really it's nice, it's opened up a lot of communication, and it's yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:49

Did you guys have that level of communication before having a baby, or was it more casual?

SPEAKER_02 13:57

We definitely had great communication before, but at this time it's after the baby, it's much more intentional, like um, there's much more of a purpose to it, and it's I think more important to us now because if we're not good with each other, it's not fun to like be in the house. Like it's not fun to walk by each other, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:22

Yeah, it's so important, and we try to tell people these things, right? Because we both know what can happen in the postpartum period, whether through our own personal lived experiences or through just supporting hundreds of families, you know, you you see patterns and people prioritize the baby and communication about the baby, and everything's about the baby. And then your kids grow up, they turn 18, they leave the house, and you're stuck with this complete stranger in your life. And you know, and I think that people don't prepare for that and transition, yeah. Yeah, and you just drift apart if not through intentional effort to pull the ropes back together.

SPEAKER_05 15:10

And I I think the more kids that people have too, the further they drift if they if they are not intentional, the further they drift apart.

SPEAKER_00 15:18

Yeah, because I always do this thing where it's like, you know, you you start a baby, it's is a wedge, and you start to drift apart, right? And you end up on these individual trajectories and they get to about two and you start to come back together, and then you have another baby, but you're already drifted apart, and so then your next baby creates the wedge, and you drift further and further away, and you know, and then you're 12 years deep, right?

SPEAKER_05 15:44

Or 12 years later, and you're oceans apart, and and that idea of pulling back together is a challenge, it is a challenge, and it's so much harder to do it so far away. Yeah, it's easier like doing exactly what you're doing.

SPEAKER_00 15:57

Yeah, I'm so proud of you guys.

SPEAKER_05 15:59

It's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 16:00

Yeah, it's beautiful, it's beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 16:04

Yeah, I I could not be more grateful for him.

SPEAKER_00 16:08

Yeah, yeah. Give him a pat on the back from us. Do him a hug.

SPEAKER_05 16:13

We love him.

SPEAKER_02 16:14

We, you know, we have to I know he did tell me to say hi to you guys for him, so yeah, hello.

SPEAKER_00 16:20

We have this like short list of dads who really just stand out as stellar, and I wish that I could get them to run a dad's group because there are good partners out there, and then there are excellent, then there are the tanners of the world, right?

SPEAKER_05 16:38

Who are researching and planning date nights in the postpartum, period? Hallelujah! Amazing, yeah. So if you're a dad out there listening to this podcast, I suggest you plan date nights.

SPEAKER_00 16:52

Yes, what what were some of the date nights that he planned for you guys? Like you had a baby, so I know what were what were the things he planned for you guys?

SPEAKER_02 17:04

Um, so he would always and and it it's very helpful when you have a village. So we have my mom who is like three minutes away, and his parents who live about 20 minutes away, and they're both very involved. So I will say, like, it is a lot easier to plan date nights and be intentional with your time when you have support. So he would always coordinate that. Like his parents are gonna come over to watch Lucy while we go. And it was like so easy in the beginning with her because she was just like a little potato, like she didn't know. So it was easy to get childcare. Um, so he'd plan that and then we did um a lot of dinners. Sometimes in the beginning, we would do like more, I don't know where he got these ideas. I think we have like a little adventure date book that somebody gifted us that um it was like go to goodwill, and you guys have to pick out outfits for each other and then wear them to dinner, and you have like 10 minutes to do it or something like that. So we ended up doing that once, and honestly, not my favorite because I don't like to feel rushed or stressed, but it was fun. And I picked out the worst outfit for him, and I mean he did actually a pretty good job for me, but I was like, I picked out like this weird fluorescent pumpkin shirt. I don't know why I did it, I don't know. It's that's awesome. Also, Goodwill doesn't have a great selection of men's wear, it's mostly women's when you go. Um, so I'll give my slack for that, but um she was intentionally mean. I know pumpkin, fluorescent pumpkin. It's 100% cotton, 100% cotton, though.

SPEAKER_00 18:40

All right, well, there you go. My cousin's kids insult each other, she's very crunchy. I love how she moves through life just with this intention for health. And um her son, the one time said to his brother, uh, I'm going to wrap you in polyester and mail you away.

SPEAKER_05 19:07

That's awesome. Like, that's the best insult ever.

SPEAKER_02 19:11

Well, you're right. What a crunchy insult. I love it. That's so good.

SPEAKER_03 19:16

Hilarious. That's good. Polyester and mail you away.

SPEAKER_01 19:25

That's good.

SPEAKER_02 19:27

I'm gonna have to use that. No, right?

SPEAKER_00 19:30

It won't, it won't land with some people though. No, a lot of people would not get why that is so mean.

SPEAKER_05 19:39

That's good.

SPEAKER_00 19:41

That's really so that I I love that for you guys. These were they were the date nights kind of um maybe like new adventures for you in the postpartum period. So it was like keeping the relationship exciting through the groundhog day of monotony of the postpartum period.

SPEAKER_02 20:06

Yeah. So he would choose like different restaurants that we've never been to. Um, and so we got to, yeah, yeah. Oh that's incredible. I know.

SPEAKER_05 20:16

Way to go, Tanner. Way to go. Yeah. Man, what a guy.

SPEAKER_00 20:20

He's gonna be so excited to listen to this.

SPEAKER_05 20:22

Oh my god, I know we're just sketching over him.

SPEAKER_00 20:25

I know. We're like, can we all would you like sister wise? Yes, we're done having babies, so but everybody else is gonna want to know if we can be your sister.

SPEAKER_02 20:39

We'll take applications.

SPEAKER_00 20:41

We're trying to start a family compound, so oh my seriously though, like dads should learn from Tanner because he is doing it right by in that like he's putting energy where it matters, right? And a healthy mom raises a healthy baby.

SPEAKER_02 21:05

I've always I there was one quote that stuck with us, and I think it was from a book called Babyproofing Your Marriage, which we didn't read until after this, but um, it's like the best thing that you can do for your children and their environment is have a good marriage, yes, yeah, and I think that is so true because that you and your partner are your child's life. So you if it's not good, then your child's life might not be good, right? And that makes me sad to say because I know a lot of women who are not in great partnerships, and it just sucks. It sucks.

SPEAKER_00 21:47

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And and that and that statement right there makes it so much more clear why you were worried so much about your postpartum experience, right? Having friends whose Relationships were not great and not wanting to end up in the same place, right? Totally makes sense to me. So we jumped out of order and went right to your postpartum. Um, so you are in labor getting sushi, getting sushi with your feet up, uncomfortable, yes.

SPEAKER_02 22:23

Uh yeah, and still in denial. Um, we finished the dinner. It's a really good sushi place. Um, and then we were like, you know what? I still want dessert, so we'll stop at the grocery store on the way back. And the contractions in the car, I was like, these are not stopping. Like this should have stopped by now if these are Braxton Hicks. Um, but I we went in, we got ice cream. I was like waddling around in pain. Um, and this lady at Giant was like, Are you okay, dear? And I was like, Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks. Um, love that lady. I don't know who she is, but she did care about me. Um, so yeah, it was like kind of a long car ride home. I was really excited to just get home and be able to lay down. And then got home, laid on the couch, we finished breaking bad. We were re-watching the series. So we stayed up trying to figure out if this was really labor or not. Um, and then we re- we re-watched a couple of the birth blossoming bellies birth videos and like re-watched the segment of about mucus plugs because that's all we had at the time to like see like is this real or not? And then, of course, I don't want to text you guys, I don't want to text my midwives because you're rolling our eyes, you know. No, because you guys are like, I don't want to be that person who texts at like midnight and it's nothing like serious. I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 23:51

I mean, we say that all the time, like, however, you were contracting. We always tell people don't be blowing up our phones at 2 a.m. over one contraction.

SPEAKER_00 24:00

Please have one contract.

SPEAKER_05 24:02

You were hours of contracting.

SPEAKER_00 24:04

Yeah. So again, I was like that too, Rosa. Just for perspective, I went into labor on a Saturday morning at 4 a.m. and I was not calling anybody because I was like, I'm not waking anybody up on a Saturday morning when it's gonna take days for me to meet this baby. That's what I was thinking. I feel you, but that's also not the thing we and we want anybody to do. We want you to call us immediately.

SPEAKER_02 24:31

Yeah, well, I I did eventually, I let you guys know, like, uh, because eventually my water did break. And I was still in denial. I was like, did I just pee? Like, no, I've never peed my pants. I haven't peed my pants since I was like six. Okay, like there was no way. It was just, yeah, like a gush on the couch, waddled upstairs. I got like towels in between my legs. I'm still trying to watch Breaking Bad. Um, and then eventually it we finish it and it's about midnight. And I say, I think I need to call the midwives. Because they say if your water breaks, you should. And the other thing is, like, I'm trying to smell it, like it kind of smells like pee. I don't know. So I was trying to figure out if my water really did break. Eventually, we kind of were like, I think it probably did. Uh so we called the midwives, and they were just like, um, try to get some rest and talk to us in the morning, which I knew they were probably gonna say. And then I texted you guys and you said the same thing. So we try to go to bed. Like, I'm I'm not gonna be able to sleep through it. I can't even sleep on a regular night when I feel fine. I'm not gonna be able to sleep through these contractions. So I laid down for a while. Tanner went to sleep. I ended up going downstairs because I couldn't just lay there in the darkness. So, and I was trying to like move through them and I was trying to time them. Not, and I know you guys say not to, but I was curious, like, because it kind of felt like they were happening like pretty close together. I don't know. So I was trying to time them. I was on my hands and knees, and I was expecting that position to feel good when I was laboring, and it didn't, it did not did not feel good at all. It really hurt. I was struggling. And then eventually at 2 a.m., we went to sleep at like midnight. Um, or Tanner did. I woke Tanner up and said, I think I need help. Like, I can't do this alone anymore. So he made coffee, he like started his morning as he typically would, and I just labored on the bed on my side until and he just sat behind me. I don't think he touched me at all. I don't, I don't, I can't really remember. I think I was like able to fall asleep in between contractions at that point. And then I don't remember what what time we called you or the midwives to check in. Maybe it was like five or six in the morning, maybe seven.

SPEAKER_00 27:02

What time was she? I don't know if I want you to give this away. I was gonna ask, what time was she born?

SPEAKER_02 27:07

1018.

SPEAKER_00 27:09

Yeah, so it was about six. Okay. Uh, because we were on the phone for four hours.

SPEAKER_02 27:14

Yeah, yeah, thank God.

SPEAKER_00 27:17

Yeah. Uh, but I I want to say that you know, we always tell people like, go to sleep, and if you can't sleep, rest, right? Because resting is restorative if you can't sleep. It's the winding yourself up and you know, like early labor doing all the activities and you exhaust yourself being in labor mentally, you tear down all of your energy. So if you can just close your eyes, if you can have your body be still or rock slowly in a restful position, that is so much better in early labor than doing all the things, right? Like we don't want you elephant walking. I mean, there are times in early labor that we would have somebody elephant walking or you know, doing the more dramatic positions, but for the most part, we want you just to surrender and rest. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:14

Yeah, I mean, and that's kind of what we ended up doing. Um, and then so I'm guessing my early labor was from dinner till my water broke. Maybe I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 28:30

Maybe until I think when you woke him up, yeah, that was probably when you started moving into an active labor pattern because we do get to that point where we're like, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 28:40

I don't want to do this alone.

SPEAKER_00 28:42

Right. Yeah, I don't want to be alone.

SPEAKER_03 28:43

It's getting intense, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:45

Yep, yeah. Okay, so like two probably is when active labor started. So I was we were I was in active labor, yeah. And and then you called me and you were talking me through my contractions, which thank God, because I thought I was not worried about birth. I think that's true, and I was I think that's true too, from what I remember. Yeah, yeah. I was like, I got this, like I can deal with pain. Um, no, that was really painful. Like it was really painful, it's not something you can just like mindset your way through, but that's exactly what you did, Ritza.

SPEAKER_00 29:29

But you did steal your mind and believe that you could get through it, right? You did. You mindset, you mindset your way through your labor.

SPEAKER_02 29:44

Yeah, I yes, yes, I did. I guess like I don't know. In my mind, I'm like, if I didn't, I don't know where I I made this connection of like if I feel pain, like I'm doing it wrong. So I think that's where I think I failed, and like even that thought is a failure because that doesn't mean like that's not true, like you know, contractions are painful.

SPEAKER_00 30:08

Yeah, they they are the most intense workout you're ever going to do. I like to create the association that going to the gym or doing spin or Pilates or bar or any of these activities that we do are painful. If we if we break it down to the base of what it is, muscle contracting is painful over time, right? Because of the lactic acid that's released, right? And and it is painful, but we like it, and we don't think anything's wrong with it, correct? We're not afraid of it, right? No matter how intense. When that bar instructor tells you to lower down just one more inch, you want to punch her in the throat, right? Because it is painful, but you do it and you're not afraid, yeah. And so if you can go into labor in the same way of not fearing the intensity, yeah, it's painful, it's intense, it's powerful. But when you're not afraid of them, you don't release the adrenaline, which brings down the oxytocin. And oxytocin is a natural analgesic, so it creates a uh pain dampening, right? It's not anesthesia, which removes the sensation, but it eases the intensity. And so you either have oxytocin on the rise or you have adrenaline on the rise. Adrenaline plays a part when it's time to push the baby out, and that's why we often get a birth pause uh at 10 centimeters contraction slow down and space out because our body is shifting from oxytocin production to adrenaline production. But in labor, if you are not terrified of the idea of a contraction, then you're pumping out oxytocin to propel your labor forward, and you have that analgesic effect happening. Yeah. But also, yeah, it's a mindset thing, and it was hard.

SPEAKER_02 32:19

It is it is a mindset thing. Yeah, and I uh remember the quote that I told you guys was powerful for me from the birthing class was not all pain needs to be suffered through. So I was trying to channel that. I really wasn't consciously channeling anything at that point, I was just relying on Lacey to be like, this is normal, like it's okay, this is what your body is meant to do. And I don't think I would have had as good of a birth if I did not have Lacey there telling me like having a woman there who has gone through labor, I think is very important because to know that what you're going through is normal and because it doesn't feel normal at all, and it feels really intense. So for somebody, somebody needs to be there who's done it, yeah. Because and the other thing is because we weren't sure that even we wanted doulas, we didn't hire you guys until late. Yeah, yeah, maybe like a three or four weeks before my duty.

SPEAKER_01 33:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:28

I was on the fence about it, and uh, I'm so happy that we did.

SPEAKER_00 33:35

I remember I was at a birth once where uh I was, you know, I was doing my dual of voice thing that I do, right? Telling the mom that this was good, and you know, this is normal and natural, and all right, your body's made to do this, whatever the thing was that my intuition told me she needed to hear in that moment. And the dad repeated it, and she comes out of labor land, she glares at him and goes, Shut up, you don't know. So that idea of like having the women who have done it by your side, it is so powerful. It is so and I think in labor, tapping into the idea that there are thousands of women around the world in that very same moment doing the exact same thing alongside of you, right? There is this cosmic connection that we have to all of the other people on the planet, and and tying into this is a shared experience that you have with so many other powerful, loving, incredible moms. You're not doing it alone.

SPEAKER_02 34:55

I love that, yeah. It also like makes you think, um, like in the postpartum days when you're up in the middle of the night, I remember seeing that same kind of sentiment of like, you know, there is a mom somewhere probably close to you who is also up right now with their baby. And to think about that it was really, really comforting.

SPEAKER_00 35:16

Yes, yeah, because those hours at night when it's dark and there's it is long, feels so long. My sister said uh there was a so that it was her and another mom in her neighborhood, kind of on a similar street or nearest to these neighbors, and this guy would go out every morning at 4:30 and warm up his truck. And when they heard his truck, they knew that they were almost through the night and the sun was going to be coming up. This man has no idea that his everyday normal habit became a beacon in the darkness for these moms.

unknown 35:57

I know.

SPEAKER_05 35:59

I know, right? I there were definitely things for yeah in my we, I mean, we all cling to it, you know, cling to something, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:09

Cling to the sun, yes, yeah. I do that's why it starts to rise. Yeah, gosh, does your hope just skyrocket?

SPEAKER_00 36:18

Yeah, yeah, which is normal too, because uh anxiety kind of creeps in as the sun goes down for a lot of moms in the postpartum period, and that is biological, right? It's normal for you to feel anxious at night. If you feel anxious at night, you were programmed properly because this is when the wolves come out to eat your baby, right? And so if you are not aware and alert at night, you're less likely to protect your baby. And and so for all the moms out there who have anxiety spiking at night, you come from a lineage of women who kept their babies alive, right? Like you you you were programmed properly.

SPEAKER_02 37:10

Oh yeah, those nighttime that like seven o'clock feeling, don't miss it. Wasn't worse. Yes, it is biological and it makes a lot of sense why we feel that way. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:27

So we got on the phone around six in the morning.

SPEAKER_02 37:33

Yep, you were having me do elephant walks because we had talked about that before. I really wanted to expedite labor if I could. Um so I just remember doing elephant walks, swaying places, laying back down, being like being on my side feels the best, but I don't want to stall my labor. So I always felt like a little guilty being like, Can I go lay on my side again, please? Um but um so no, but you let me let me go on my side and rest as I needed. And then eventually we our plan was to use the pool. We never bought the pump because we thought we had an extra week at least. So we didn't have the pump. Um, we were like kind of deciding, should I ask my mom to go to the store and get one really fast? And I don't remember if it was you or Mayumi who said, Um, I think you're gonna be having your baby soon. So probably not worth it to be doing all that. So I ended up getting in the shower a few times. That felt great. And I remember thinking, like, God, I didn't clean my house. Like, I hate when my bathroom's dirty, like it will turn me off so fast. And I thought that would really, really matter when I was in labor. Didn't care.

SPEAKER_00 38:55

You get to a place where you don't care about anything.

SPEAKER_02 38:58

No, but I do remember I was like on all fours looking at my dirty tub, looking at like all the dust on like the edge of the tub, and I just have that visual of like disgusting tub attractions, and then I had a thought of like God hates women. I'm not like I was like, God really must hate us. Like, oh my god, it was terrible. I don't know at what point that was probably like I was nearing transition or something. That sounds like a transition thought, yeah. I was like, Eve ate that apple and it was all went downhill. Okay, I just have to do that. Um, and then and then I was in the tub, and I wasn't expecting this. I I didn't know that your body can just automatically push. I always thought that pushing was something that you intentionally consciously did, and no, my body was like like just throwing up my baby from the other side, and that's what it's like, yeah. That's a great idea. I don't know if I had like the I don't know if I had communicated that. I think if I would have communicated that, people would have gotten there a little sooner. I don't think I told people that my body was doing it. I kind of felt like people should know that's what was happening because I was making like weirder noises when it would happen. So I didn't say it. I should have. Um, so I started doing that a couple times, and then I don't even know. Um, and then I ended up getting, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:38

Was that when I started heading towards you? I feel like I you would.

SPEAKER_05 40:43

If you heard that, you would.

SPEAKER_00 40:44

I feel like I invited myself to their birth, but I don't remember. Do you remember?

SPEAKER_02 40:49

I don't remember. I do I don't know at what point I said this, but I was like, how fast can you get here?

SPEAKER_00 40:57

Uh-huh. And I did like 85.

unknown 41:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:00

I heard your we heard your engine revving on the highway. It was so funny.

SPEAKER_00 41:05

Um, I drive a stick and I'm like, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:12

Um, I yeah, it wasn't like a I need you to, it that was, I think you had already been like getting ready to come at that point and you said, I'm I'm on my way. Um and I remember getting on, I guess I think you guys got there like 30 minutes before I gave birth.

SPEAKER_00 41:31

Yeah, something like that. It was quick. I was like, holy cow, like we we could have missed this completely.

SPEAKER_02 41:39

Yeah. Well, and then I think you were I was at some point, I was like, I'm pushing, like my body's pushing. And you were like, Can you like not push it? And I was like, No. Because at that point, did I did I beat the midwives? Yeah no, Mayumi got there a little bit before you did.

SPEAKER_00 41:59

Okay, yeah, I would I would have asked you to not push your baby out if there were no midwives there.

SPEAKER_02 42:04

Could you stop, please? Yeah, uh, not happening. I was not consciously doing that. So I guess I was I ended up getting on the toilet, um, which I I had heard about, like, because when you're on the toilet, you're you naturally release. It's the place where you are used to doing that. Um, and I think like the head started coming out, and Mayumi was downstairs, and Lacey said, like, uh, head, the head's here. Uh, she's crowning. And then um, and I have video of this, so I think this is the only reason why I remember it. But like the midwife came up and said, Okay, your baby's head is close to the toilet seat. And then I was just so pissed off. I don't, I was just in labor. So I like got on my tippy toes and like tried to like be like, Okay, is this better? Like, um, she said she was so sweet. She said, Okay, that's good. I don't think you can hold that position though. So, and I was like, Okay, where do you want me to go? And then eventually, like they got me standing up over the sink. Um, and then I I gave birth like that. Yeah, and then I Lacey always talks about this. That I at some point, um, I was like, I need to put my leg up on the toilet. Uh, because I think like she it was like a little stalled, and I was expecting that because I've heard like once in when the final pushes come, like your body is saving up energy, or and maybe that's the adrenaline that you were talking about. But there was like a they were things were slowing down. Um, so I needed to put my leg up. And then when they went to do it, I was like, no, no, no, never mind, it hurts, never mind. Um, and then the midwife said, after a few minutes, um, can you put your leg up? Because I think she she everyone kind of knew that's. What I needed to do. And eventually we got my leg up and the baby came on out. Tanner caught her. We didn't know it was a girl. Um, so he said, Hey, little guy, and she said, Girl, I said, It's girl.

SPEAKER_00 44:15

So many dads mistake the umbilical cord for a penis all the time.

SPEAKER_02 44:23

Oh gosh. Yeah. Um, and then and like I watch my birth video probably like three times a week before I go to bed. I love that so much. Um, so I have it like memorized, but um oh, what was I gonna say? Oh that's what I was gonna say. So after listening to your podcast, I look we listen to every episode. Yes, every Wednesday it comes out. We're so excited. Um, I realize I kind of feel like in the video, everyone was kind of holding their breath. And I I wasn't in the moment thinking about this, but I think, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you and the midwife were kind of like holding your breath, waiting for the baby to cry. Um, and I was oblivious, I had no idea what was going on. Um, but in the video, I feel like that's what was happening because once she started crying, I kind of felt like everyone's energy dropped, not dropped, but like the guard was put down. So I always think that's a little bit interesting to look at now.

SPEAKER_00 45:22

Um, and it's normal for homebirth babies to not cry, they tend to have a more peaceful transition. Um, it's really interesting. There's nerve endings between the nose and the lips that get activated by the nitrogen in the air. And so babies who are born at home actually get to participate in rest and restitution, right? Which is where their head comes out and then there's a rest, and they turn their body, and this is the restitution, and they rotate their way out through the pelvis. And in this time, which can be a minute, two minutes, three minutes, it's until the next contraction, their face is being exposed to the gases in the air, which is triggering their body to start to prepare their lungs for oxygenation. And so they come out and they are uh igniting all of the what are the avioli in their lungs that are preparing to expand, but there needs to be blood that's transfused to them first in order for this expansion dilation to occur. And so babies at home, because they've had this minute or two of transition period where their body is being signaled that there's air and it's uh it's actually changing their body's chemistry to prepare for the acquisition of air. Uh, so they come out and they're they're breathing through their nose and they're getting the rest of their oxygenated blood, which is fueling this dilation in their lungs. They don't need to cry right away, versus the hospital experience where they yank that baby out of you and then rub them vigorously to get them to cry. They have disrupted the natural biological processes that they don't even know exist, would be my guess.

SPEAKER_01 47:39

Right.

SPEAKER_00 47:39

And there's this urgency to get them to cry. Now, are are you right? Do we all stop breathing while we wait for the baby to breathe? Absolutely. But we try to be really calm and and pause with the baby because we're looking at other things. Are they pink? Are they vigorous? Are they blinking? Blinking eyes are a baby who is alive and alert, stunned, bright eyes are a baby who is not okay and needs help. But uh a baby who is peaceful is not a baby in danger, contrary to what the hospital staff thinks, right? And so, yes, we probably all did wait with bated breath uh for her to take that first breath and and start to cry. But there really, I mean, there is not a sense of urgency in an unmedicated home delivery that was hands off where a baby expelled on their own. There's not an urgency for them to cry.

SPEAKER_02 48:45

Yeah, and I mean, I in the moment I I had no idea. I was not even thinking about it. There was no panic in the air. I was just I was sad. I was really sad after she came out. I've just was like crying, like I don't know why I was. I felt, I mean, I guess I felt a little like abandoned by her. Like I kind of felt like no, but by I guess just the because it's like when the baby comes out, I feel like all the attention goes to the baby. And I wasn't really in a great position physically to like get like physical support from anyone else. So I kind of felt like okay, the baby came out and I'm just like here. And like there's like I kind of wish like I had my mom or like somebody to be like, you did it, like, and really like grab my face or like something, which is like not something that old me would have ever liked, because I don't like physical like touch, or I used to not like physical touch, but like I just like really wish that I had uh like Tanner, because Tanner had the baby, and like yeah, I don't know, it just was like a weird moment that I wasn't expecting. Like, I was expecting that like euphoric when like you put bring the baby up to your chest, like you see in all the videos, but like I didn't have that just because I think of the positioning of how I gave birth. Um but I'm not like traumatized by that, but it's just maybe something that like for next time I think uh maybe I want to give birth in a different position if I can. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:19

Yeah, that's so good to know. Uh, I remember telling my midwives that my kid's dad felt pushed aside in our first home birth, so our second baby first home birth, and he felt pushed aside. And so I told her, and and I remember she set up the birthing stool in my bedroom instead of my bathroom. And I was like, this is weird, but I was in labor, so I couldn't communicate that. And afterwards I realized it was so that there was room for him. So noting those things and then communicating that with your team the next time, I think are really important details because they can make an effort to shift that that piece of the experience.

SPEAKER_02 51:02

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was yeah, but like all in all, I mean, and then you guys ended up passing her through my legs. I would not give birth standing up again. I was tired, and um, yeah, so and then I was like, I don't know how to even grab this baby through my legs. So Mayumi was like, I'll grab her first and then hand her to you. And eventually, like I did, I got her in my arms, and I had a short cord, so I was like feeling very trepidatious to like make any sudden movements, but I mean everything was fine. I think I had a little bit of uh maybe concerning bleeding, and that's why I got the Pitocin shot after.

SPEAKER_00 51:49

Um but just so important to know because people are worried about like what if I start to hemorrhage at home. And so what did they do when you were bleeding too much? She just gave me a Pitocin shot, yeah, a little jab jab. Yeah.

unknown 52:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 52:07

And it was not a big deal. I yeah, I felt I trusted her. I I really didn't ask any questions. I just kind of felt like if that's what she felt like I needed, then I'm happy to do that. So got the Pitocin shot, and um, you can get they do offer the the eye cream. I think we I don't I think we declined that, but we did get the vitamin K shot. So if you have home birth, your midwife should be able to provide that if you choose. And um hepatitis B. I can't, I know we declined that, but I don't know if the midwife would have given it or if we were like if we were just to take the baby to the pediatrician and they would have given in.

SPEAKER_00 52:49

I can't remember which which it was, but um yeah, I think most of the families that choose the hep B go to the pediatrician. That's for that, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:00

Okay, yeah. So didn't do that there. I think giving birth to the placenta was not my favorite part. I hated that. I didn't have any connection anymore to my uh so I think you guys eventually told me, like, start you can try to cough and to deliver, so I ended up having to do that, but I just was like, I just need I need everything out. Um, I thought I was gonna wait until the cord, I thought I was gonna wait like as long as I could to cut the cord, but I think we waited till it was like mostly white, and I just I needed to be and now that I'm thinking about it, I don't know why I was in such a rush to cut the cord because I had given birth to the placenta.

SPEAKER_00 53:41

Once you deliver the placenta, it's no longer transferring blood to the okay. Um there's some belief that like the baby's system can pull because it's a vacuum. Um, but uh generally with the release of the placenta, the the transfer has been completed.

SPEAKER_02 54:05

Okay, okay. So yeah, I mean I just was like, I hope she got everything that she needed, and let's just get this shit out of here. And I still have the placenta in my freezer. Um don't know what I'm gonna do with that, but we were gonna bury it, but now I kind of feel like I'll keep it forever. I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 54:26

Yeah, it's yours. Yeah, like I don't want to get rid of it. That's good.

SPEAKER_00 54:31

Do you want us to encapsulate it and you can put it into something? No, not to consume, I wouldn't consume it at this point. Uh I mean you could, but it wouldn't really serve much benefit. You could sprinkle it, you could put it in a tincture for uh your uh PMS PMDD. Uh, you could do that. Um there are uh stories in traditional Chinese medicine of grandmothers who will take their daughter's placentas, uh, a portion of them, and make a tincture to use for um perimenopause and menopause symptoms.

SPEAKER_02 55:11

Maybe I'll tell my mom about that.

SPEAKER_00 55:14

Your mom's like, you want me to consume your placenta? Technically, it's like anyway.

SPEAKER_02 55:23

Yeah, I don't know. I'm not really worried about the placenta. Um, I just think it's funny that it's in my freezer still in a ziploc.

SPEAKER_05 55:30

You're like, does anyone want a house tour? Here's the family room, the kitchen, my fridge. Oh, look, there's my placenta.

SPEAKER_02 55:38

I think honestly, yeah, I think that's a good joke. I think I'll have it for all my hands and I'll just hilarious.

SPEAKER_05 55:43

Like, guys, look, this is your placenta. Oh my god, I love it.

SPEAKER_00 55:50

You could do a placenta print with it. I don't know now. Um frozen yeah, once it's frozen, how how they fall.

SPEAKER_05 55:59

Anyway, there's ideas you can just leave it frozen in your fridge.

SPEAKER_02 56:02

Yeah, yeah, I think that's what I'll do.

SPEAKER_05 56:04

You can give it to all your kids when they turn 18 and maybe move out. You're like, here you go. Yes. I told my kids though, I was like, You guys can live with me forever. I don't mind.

SPEAKER_00 56:16

I said that too, as long as you start paying rent and contribute to that right, dude.

SPEAKER_05 56:21

In these in these prices, the cost of living, I'm like, you don't even have to pay rent. I'm just gonna enjoy your company.

SPEAKER_02 56:27

Yeah, that's where we're kind of leaning.

SPEAKER_05 56:30

Yeah, I'm like, I don't want to make it hard your life harder than it already is gonna be.

SPEAKER_00 56:35

So I have seen where families will make their kids pay rent and then put it into a bank account. Absolutely give that to them for a down payment on their own house.

SPEAKER_01 56:44

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 56:45

I totally vibe with that, but also I am not paying for my 35-year-old child's grocery bill. No, okay, you can handle that. We're just we're just not, you know.

SPEAKER_05 56:56

I agree, or making your appointment, your any draw. Yep, but uh you know, roof over your head, you have that, and your placenta.

SPEAKER_02 57:06

Yes, and here, I'll keep all your teeth too. So if you get your placenta and all your teeth, right?

SPEAKER_05 57:12

Oh my god, so good. There's stem cells and teeth, yeah. Guys, my dad, he has his all of his teeth, all of his baby teeth, but like yeah, his mom kept them and then gave them to him. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 57:27

Wow, talk about bags of teeth. It's not I'm I'm not mad at it. Yeah, probably do the same thing.

SPEAKER_05 57:35

I know. I mean, yeah, I'm sitting here like bashing on my dad, but I have all my good teeth.

SPEAKER_00 57:39

I I do not, yeah, I don't know where they went.

SPEAKER_05 57:42

I'm like, why am I keeping them?

SPEAKER_00 57:45

Yeah, well, that was kind of my logic, was like, what am I gonna do with these and now I have to hide them? What if they now we need a disclaimer in this podcast? Yes, that's true.

SPEAKER_05 57:55

Please let's put one out there because I'm a big believer in all the things.

SPEAKER_02 58:01

Aw, the poor toddlers listening to this. I know they're like, What? Yeah, too funny.

SPEAKER_03 58:12

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 58:14

So, I mean, all in all, would highly recommend home birth if you're interested. But I also believe that I could have had a very beautiful birth in a hospital, too. Um, I really feel like I could have done it wherever it needed to be done. I think we we Tanner actually looked up the movie Um The Business of Being Born, and that's what swayed us. I've always been interested in a home birth, but I just never thought it was really a reality um until Tanner was all on board and he did all the research and stuff. So I think the business of being a born is a good movie. I think it's a little fear-mongering-y about hospitals, and I think maybe it's so it's not, it's like early 2000s, I think it was made. So things have changed a lot.

SPEAKER_00 58:58

So I don't want to say it's still pretty accurate.

SPEAKER_02 59:02

Yeah, okay. I mean, yeah, what do I know?

SPEAKER_00 59:04

I never we're lucky in this region that we have options for wonderful providers who are compassionate and patient-centered, yeah, um, and and really good about letting moms drive their care. But for example, I was just at our favorite hospital in the whole wide world, and um, they really do provide care differently at Reading Hospital. I love Payoli too, but they are they are a close second, but they are second. Um and the doctor that I was talking to just casually in the hallway, uh, he said uh his rule number five to obstetrics, and I don't remember rules one through four, uh, but rule number five was never let the mothers or the nurses get in the way of your management of care because the physician is the voice of the baby, no one is there as the voice of the baby. And I was like, Okay, well, I'm not here to educate you tonight and you're not directly involved in my client's care at this moment. Um boy, do you need a lesson? But that idea of never let the mother interfere with your management of care, and I was like, hmm, if I was a cancer patient and I declined treatment, should my doctor have the authority to require me to have chemo? Right, but because there's a baby now who has not taken a breath, right? And I think it gets into this idea of like when does life start and when does a baby have rights? Um and does the mother's rights are are they diminished behind the baby's rights?

SPEAKER_02 1:01:09

Because I think that agency and autonomy of the mother is still paramount as the living existing being with decision-making capacity for her baby, for her baby, and her experience, not the physicians, like yeah, I mean, yeah, and then it's like when you have a kid and you bring them to the doctor, they still need your consent.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:38

They do, you are the parent. I know.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:41

I mean, I guess it gets into tricky of like, you know, if you're neglectful, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:47

Well, and that is a thing, yeah, yeah, yeah. But but depending on where you're at, like, oh no, we can't see US patients anymore, it is like neglectful if you're not getting XYZ vaccine, you know, like bye-bye, we can't see you anymore.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:02

But that's not that's really not that's rooted in the fact that doctors get uh compensation from vaccine companies for the number of for a certain percentage of their patients being on schedule. And so in order to keep that ratio, they have to excuse you from their practice, or philosophically, they're like, hey, we're not a good match, right? Um but anyway, but so my point was to say that we are very lucky with the providers in this area, generally speaking, who believe in patient autonomy and who want to do a good job, but not all of them are the same, right? You've got the the guy in Reading who believes that he has authority over the mother's wishes, uh, and then you have the OBs at Paoli OB who are so wonderful and so compassionate and listen to the mothers and support choice of the mothers and generally support their choices. And and so I think you can have a beautiful birth in a hospital setting, but there are uh constraints of the medical system that make the providers fearful and they make them practice in such a way that like you don't get rest and restitution, and you get a higher number of uh tears because they pull the baby out, and you have um longer adjustment periods and rougher adjustment periods for the babies because they're aggressively trying to get them to cry. Um, so I think a lot of the things from the business of birth is are valid. Um we are lucky, but we in in the southeastern PA region, um, Montgomery, Chester uh counties in particular are very, very fortunate to have really high quality care.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:01

Yeah, yeah. I mean it's really up to it's wherever the woman feels safest, whether that's at home or if you prefer a hospital, that's totally fine.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:14

Yeah, you have to feel safe wherever you are. Yeah, yeah, a hundred percent. We had a mom who was planning a home birth and ended up deciding to go in for an induction at 42 weeks. Her midwife was comfortable waiting past 42 weeks for her. Um, but she elected to go into the hospital, and lo and behold, the night that she checks into the hospital, she starts having contractions, right? And I think my heart of hearts says that she felt safer in the hospital.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:45

Yeah, it's funny how that works. Yeah, it really is.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:51

That's true to my body knows, body keeps the score, it sure does, it sure does. Rosa, thank you for sharing your story with us. It was so beautiful to get to recount. We tell your story in bits to other moms. Uh, you know, we talk about like if you can feel it, your body tells you in that lifting the leg and how you were like, I can't, and Tanner lifted it for you. And uh, you know, we we talk to moms about that moment because it is such a good illustration of how intuitively mothers lean into their body and listen to their baby and and get into positions that help their baby out. You knew in that moment what to do. And even though it's you know, it's like moving through mud, right? You you feel like you can't move your body at all. Um, but you knew that that was the action that would release her shoulders.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:45

Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yep. Yeah. No, this has been great. And I would I'll I'll come on again and again. I love talking, I love talking postpartum support. I just love talking about it. Who knew I would like be Interested in birth, I never knew until I got pregnant, and then I was like, This stuff is so cool, I could learn about it forever.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:07

So we're gonna turn Rosa into Dola.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:10

Yeah, I want to be one. I just like don't know. I I the podcast about how it affects your life. Like right now, it's just not the season. I can't, I can't imagine being on call.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:24

Bravo, you know this, you know this.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:27

Yeah, yeah. It's not the season, but seasons come and go, yeah. Faster than you can possibly imagine.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:36

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:37

Well, we'll be here when you're ready, and then you'll get to talk birth all the time.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:41

All the time. I'm excited. Thank you for everything that you do.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:45

She's gonna be a co-host. We're just gonna we're just gonna have a threesome.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:51

Okay. Sister wives, threesome.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:56

Sister wives, so my gosh, so good.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:02

Well, thank you guys. So good.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:04

Thank you for coming on. We're so grateful. And love you for trusting us and inviting us to be part of your process. There's nothing more beautiful than being side by side with a family as they welcome a new baby. And there's so much trust and and grace that families give us in inviting us into that space. So thank you for that.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:26

Of course, I would do it again and again.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:29

I hope so.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:30

Yeah, cool. See you guys on the next one. Yeah, it'll come even faster.

unknown 1:07:37

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:39

Yeah, it probably will. So be ready for that. Yeah. But that third baby, no promises.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:48

No.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:48

Third third babies are a total crapshoot, and you might you might have a longer labor than your first. You never know.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:55

Don't tell me that.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:56

I know. My third baby rocketed out of me.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:02

That happens too.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:02

My third was it was the best out of all of them.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:06

So and I would say that most of our third baby clients have been beautiful. Like we go in expecting that it's going to be awesome. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:16

I that's what I'm gonna hold that belief.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:18

Yeah, yeah. Mindset is everything.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:22

It really is. Truly. Amazing.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:26

Well, thank you again.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:27

We appreciate you.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:28

Of course.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:28

I'm gonna go get Lucy. Okay. All right, enjoy. Love you guys.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:33

Love you. Bye.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:35

Bye. This was so fun. It really was. I love her so much. I know. Her mindset was truly everything. And you know, we touched on it very briefly, but during her pregnancy, she was not afraid of having that baby. She was like, No, like I'm not worried about it. Because we were like, what are your worries and fears about?

SPEAKER_05 1:08:56

And she was like, I'm not afraid of it at all. Yeah. I remember that conversation, and she was very open about like, I'm I'm scared to have a baby.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:06

Right. Yeah. Yeah. Not birth, not the birth to raise the baby. Yeah. Yeah. And and I was so impressed by her being open to us in that moment. Yeah. Um, so that we could talk through it a bit. And, you know, because sometimes if you're terrified of having a baby, you can hold them inside and not release them. Because then you have to take care of them. Yes. Right. But she processed those fears, or she did a good job of compartmentalizing them. I'm so glad that she came on and that she shared her story and in such a real and raw way because the honesty, I think, is a piece that's missing. Like women have beautiful births, yes, and they don't tell people about them. And people have challenging experiences or fears about raising a baby, and they don't say it out loud and then they suffer in silence.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:59

Yeah. And I hope that the people who are listening to this, I hope they they take that away from from listening to her, like, oh my God, I'm not alone. Like she experienced. I also experience that, you know, like I'm not alone. Yeah.

unknown 1:10:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:12

And she comes to group, and you should go to a postpartum support group in your postpartum period, which by the way is seven years. Uh, to say, like, oh, I don't have a village, like, create your village, right? Create your village and lean on the people in your village. Uh, to if I said to somebody like, hey, I am struggling with my laundry or my life.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:37

I would be over in a heartbreak. I know you. And I'd fold your laundry, I'd make you, I would feed you, yeah, fork to mouth. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:45

And I would do the same for you. I do. When I go to to Florida and visit my friend, there's always laundry on her bed. And we stand there and we chat and we catch up and we fold laundry together because that's what women do for one another. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And I think for people who are like, oh, I can't ask my friends to do that, it's like, why not? Why not? Yeah. Right. When my clients, and we talked about this in another podcast that's actually going to come out after this one, probably. But when my clients said they were moving and I offered to watch their children, I meant it. Yes, I just wanted to make them. And they accepted, and it made me so happy. I said to Andrew that night, or the next day, depending on when did I get home? Anyway, it's been a blur. So you know, I said to him, like, they're not just clients, they are family. When they work with us, they become family. And I would do it literally for any client in the company. If they called me up and said, Lacey, I need help right now. I would help them. Yeah, you do it for doulas. I know I do. I you do it for everyone. Because I want to take care of people. We are not meant to do this parenting thing alone.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:05

Yeah, you're right.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:08

Anyway, I'm so glad you came on. Me too. Yeah. We had a good day of podcasting. Yeah, we did. All right, gang. Uh we'll see you next week. Yeah.