Episode 19 - You asked… We Answered-Part 1

You asked… and the therapist and the wildcard delivered. Jen and Vit answer your questions with a mix of professional insight and unfiltered honesty—covering mental health, life, and everything in between.

The Therapist & The Wildcard is a mental health podcast hosted by The Wildcard, alongside The Therapist, where real conversations meet professional insight—and nothing is off-limits. Together, they dive into therapy, grief, healing, relationships, emotional chaos, and the moments that make you laugh, cry, or ask, “Is this normal?”

Some episodes go deep. Some go sideways. Most do both. The Wildcard brings the unfiltered conversation, lived experience, and humor people are

usually afraid to say out loud, while The Therapist grounds the conversation with clinical knowledge, compassion, and perspective—without killing the vibe.

This podcast isn’t about having it all figured out. It’s about talking through the mess, naming the hard stuff, and finding meaning (and humor) along the way. If you’ve ever laughed through pain, questioned your own reactions, or wanted therapy talk without the therapy voice—welcome. You’re in the right place.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61581431292635 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thetherapistandthewildcard TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thetherapistnthewildcard

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to the Therapist in the Wildcard, the show about grief, mental health, and all the messy stuff in between. One of us helps people heal for a living, and the other probably needs more therapy. Together we keep it real, raw, and sometimes ridiculous. Welcome to the therapist and the wildcard. I'm Vit, a certified grief coach, psychology student, widow and wildcard. I can't get through this, but go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 0:29

And I'm Jen, the therapist. She's got the issues, I got the tissues.

SPEAKER_01 0:36

I had to surprise you with that. That was corny and I loved every second of it.

SPEAKER_02 0:41

Thank you, thank you. Okay, so what are we talking about today?

SPEAKER_01 0:44

Um, so today we have some questions from people. Like our viewers. Yeah. Okay. Oh, I'm a little scared. There none of them are like really bad. I'll start with this one because this person wanted me to say their name on the podcast. And Ella asked me, Do you love me? And yes, Ella, I love you. Shout out to Ella. Look at you. Now that that one's out of the way. All right, now we can dive in. Um, okay. Is grief something you ever actually heal from, or does it just evolve? Ooh. Go ahead. I personally don't think it's anything you ever fully heal from. I would agree. And yeah, it just kind of evolves, you kind of just get used to it.

SPEAKER_02 1:45

You're in learning a new life. Maybe your purpose is different, maybe your why is different. It still hurts, still there. Yeah, it's still sad. You still feel all those things, maybe not at the same intensity.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

Right. Like it's different from when it first happened. Happened, happened. Like it's not as intense most of the time. Um, but you still have your moments, you still have your things, and it's always there's not a day or a second, like I don't think about it. Like it's always there in the back of my head, right? So, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:32

But it can change. I mean, we can choose not to stay in it as well. Yeah, you know, for the most part, like in reason. Yeah, but you've said, like, you know, people who have lost somebody a longer time than you've been without Chris, and they're not at a particular level where you're at, right? So it's different for everybody, but at the same time, you gotta make a choice, you gotta help yourself. Life will get easier.

SPEAKER_01 3:02

It will. And I think some people are scared to try to get themselves out of it. Not that you can fully get yourself out of it, but they see it as like if I don't grieve, I'm gonna forget them. Yes, yeah. Um, and we all feel judged by others, so sometimes it's easier to just do what society wants us to do and think, yeah. So, yeah. Yeah, you don't get over it, you don't heal fully from it.

SPEAKER_02 3:38

Nope.

SPEAKER_01 3:39

It evolves for sure.

SPEAKER_02 3:40

It evolves. There you go.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

There's your answer. Mine's evolved. Oh, that's a good one. God. All right. Should family always get unlimited chances, or are boundaries just as important there?

SPEAKER_02 3:57

Whoa, we're going through some family stuff. Okay. Family is a label. Would it be the same for a friend? So let's just get rid of family. Say it again, like as an individual.

SPEAKER_01 4:13

Like would an individual family. I can't do that. Okay, fine.

unknown 4:18

Family.

SPEAKER_01 4:19

But yeah, should family. All right, repeat it again for me. Should family always get unlimited chances, or are boundaries just as important there? Boundaries are just as important in any single relationship, family or not. That's they're getting ready to leave.

SPEAKER_02 4:39

Even Oswald's like, what?

SPEAKER_01 4:42

Boundaries are important no matter what relationship it is. Like, I do believe they're important, but I do also think that it's harder with family. Because I don't know. My mom, first of all, it's pissed that I mentioned her in two other episodes, so we're just gonna keep it rolling. Sorry. I don't even think I said anything bad either. Like, I was like, it's all just facts, nothing bad. Yeah, but like, she'll never change at this point, and I'm still 37 years old and still like want her acceptance and her approval, even though I'll never probably get it. But like I keep trying. So I'm giving her basically unlimited chances. My boundaries with her are maybe a little bit different than they were, but like deep down, I still want her to like just be my mom. Right.

SPEAKER_02 5:45

You're still gonna like take action towards that, you know, but maybe with a little less expectation.

SPEAKER_01 5:52

Yeah, and I probably don't take as much much action as I used to. For sure. Because like it just kind of she cussed me out today. I pissed her off. What'd you do this time, bit? Okay, should we even go there? My she left her glasses at Anthony's, okay, and my nephews were like, Oh, grandma's glasses. I'm like, all right, let's call her and tell her that they're here. So I f her a few times, she didn't answer. She calls me back, and I'm like, what are you doing? She's like, I'm just doing something. She's like, I'll call you guys back. I'm like, well, what are you doing? And I'm an asshole. I don't even know if we can say these actually, but I was like, are you doing a drug drug transaction? I said, are you doing heroin, cocaine? I was like, get me something. Like joking. Like joke. Like you can tell I was joking. Like, I didn't actually think she was getting cocaine or heroin or whatever. Bruh. She hung up. Apparently she was at the bank. Oh, she hung up. Called me when she got to the car. Marilyn was like, I've never seen her that pissed because she like FaceTime me back. She was, yeah, she called me an asshole. I'm a bitch. Which, okay, but she didn't tell me where she was in the beginning. She was being secretive.

unknown 7:21

Um.

SPEAKER_02 7:22

Well, and I think some boundaries are easier to set with family than others. Well, okay, so let's just say, for instance, your family member uses drugs. You know this for a fact, you've seen them, and they ask you for money continuously. Is that, and you if you give it, you're enabling them. Yeah. Right? If you set the boundary as no, technically you should be helping them.

SPEAKER_01 7:50

Mm-hmm. Technically.

SPEAKER_02 7:53

Technically.

SPEAKER_01 7:54

And you are.

SPEAKER_02 7:55

Right. They don't see that way.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

They don't see it that way.

SPEAKER_02 7:57

They don't see it that way, right? But at a certain time, you have to put a boundary down. Yeah. For the greater good. All hypothetical. Just saying. If some if a family member commits a crime and you know they did it, what are you gonna do, right? Like there are certain instances where you just you gotta put your foot down. Set your boundary.

SPEAKER_01 8:24

Yeah. Those things I think are easier for boundaries, but like the everyday, like life-to-life or day-to-day situations. I struggle with those.

SPEAKER_02 8:35

I have a client who is struggling with boundaries with her mom. Her mom calls dozens of times a day, asking for random stuff. It's an emergency, blah blah blah. Like I mean, calls for the same thing seven times. We talk about it. She sets boundaries. I will answer the phone five times. That's it. No more. I won't answer it between before 9 a.m. and after 9 p.m., right? Like setting those boundaries saves your sanity at a certain point. Yeah. I can see that. And it's a small boundary, you know? How many people put their phone on do not disturb after 10 or 11 at night, right? Oh, I love do not disturb. But again, you're setting a boundary that this is my sleep time and I'm not gonna be interrupted. And if it's emergency, people will get a hold of you.

SPEAKER_01 9:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:20

Still a boundary, friends, family, whatever.

SPEAKER_03 9:23

True.

SPEAKER_01 9:24

But it is necessary. Yeah, no, boundaries are necessary. Even if it's family. Even if it's family. But we do tend to give family more chances. Yeah. There's that. Alright. Can we pause and open the doors, Marshall?

unknown 9:44

Yeah, go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 9:45

How do you know if what you're feeling is stress, burnout, or depression? Interesting.

SPEAKER_02 9:56

Okay, so define stress. I'm always stressed, so I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 10:01

A little overwhelmed.

SPEAKER_02 10:02

You got a lot on your you're worried about an upcoming trip, like you a lot going at work, you had a bunch of stuff at home. Yeah. You just got a lot, right? Burnout is temporary. It better be.

SPEAKER_01 10:17

I don't know. I don't have a good degree. You do. Yeah, I would say burnout is kind of like the temporary like you're overwhelmed, you've hit your max.

SPEAKER_02 10:25

Right. Like and it's harder to get up in the mornings. It's harder to be present for your kids. It's harder to do your job effectively when you're feeling all that burnout.

unknown 10:38

Right.

SPEAKER_02 10:38

That's very similar to depression. It is. However, depression, you're probably going to see it for an extended period of time. People don't just wake up one day and go, I'm depressed. I need to go talk to somebody right now. It's something that is evolving over time, and you're like, I'm getting worse. I'm not feeling as good as I was a month ago.

SPEAKER_01 11:01

Is depression typically caused by something as well? Like, or not always. Not always. Interesting.

SPEAKER_02 11:09

I mean, well welcome to Michigan in the wintertime. Who isn't depressed?

SPEAKER_01 11:12

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 11:13

You know what I mean? Like, yeah. It could be anything. Well, I mean, I was working with a client who had her own business and she had a rough. She was unmotivated to get out of bed. She didn't really care about doing anything. She didn't really want to leave the house. Everything felt like a chore. That's me every day.

SPEAKER_01 11:33

On meds.

SPEAKER_02 11:35

I don't know. Consistently meds or inconsistently meds? Consistently.

SPEAKER_01 11:40

I'm just That is key, people. That is key. You're back with the therapist and the wild card. Alright. Am I crackling? I keep touching this thing. Yes. Okay. I'm sorry. Is it better?

unknown 11:55

Leave it alone.

SPEAKER_01 11:56

I didn't mean to. Am I good?

unknown 11:59

He's an angry producer.

SPEAKER_01 12:02

Am I good?

unknown 12:03

You're good.

SPEAKER_01 12:04

How do you know if what you're feeling is stress, burnout, or depression?

SPEAKER_02 12:12

Okay, so stress is really like being overwhelmed, right? Too much on your plate, you're being pulled in too many different directions, maybe a little fatigued, a little anxious, right? Burnout is the result of the stress, right? Because if it's chronic stress, you're too much, too much, too much, and then you're like, bam. Can't do that.

SPEAKER_01 12:34

See where you're going with this.

SPEAKER_02 12:36

Right? Right? So burnout is like a result of the overwhelming stress. You know, it kind of causes you to be low, sad, not necessarily not necessarily sad, but like maybe less motivated, you know, just unwilling to really care about work. So how do you differentiate burnout and depression? So I consider depression more of like sad, hopeless. Like really low mood, lack of motivation, lack of energy. Um, you know, maybe a change in appetite or sleeping patterns. Maybe we're sleeping too little or sleeping too much. Usually depression is sleeping too much, whereas like stress is less sleep because you're chronically worried.

SPEAKER_01 13:25

I thought you were gonna say cracked out. I don't know why I thought you were gonna say that.

SPEAKER_02 13:29

Because that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 13:30

So is there so like depression and grief, would those be considered two different things?

SPEAKER_02 13:42

Technically, yes, because the depression has its own like yeah, criteria, basically. You can have depression and have it be complicated by grief. But just because you're depressed, uh my DSM coming out, just because you're depressed doesn't mean it's because of grief, and just because you have grief doesn't make you depressed.

SPEAKER_01 14:05

Well, because you had told me that like my depression was like because of grief, right? Am I remembering that correctly?

SPEAKER_02 14:15

Okay, so yeah. You know, like you you experienced the grief first, and then you got to a point where the hopelessness kicked in. The not really wanting to be here anymore kicked in, the excess of sadness, chronic crying, right? Like you had grief, and then yeah, once the big moments settled, that's when the depression creeped in. I'm here for it.

SPEAKER_01 14:47

Excellent. I like that. Good job, therapist.

SPEAKER_02 14:51

Don't want to mess on my mic. But this is not therapy. This is not therapy. Do not confuse this. Call Serenity, Therapeutic Counseling and Addiction Services. 586-310-8158. You're welcome.

SPEAKER_01 15:04

I love that for you. Um, all right, let's do see what we can do.

SPEAKER_02 15:13

I like how you're actually screening before saying them out loud.

SPEAKER_01 15:17

Oh yeah, because you know nothing. I know nothing. She knows nothing. Do you? So do I. It says, do you ever push Jen out of her therapist's comfort zone? Fucking dow? What do I do? What are the what are the things that stand out most?

SPEAKER_02 15:43

When you had to, when you were only allowed to ask one question per session about my personal life. That was like a red flag right there. Um red flag is crazy. Yeah, well, you know. Um here we are. Seriously. Jen loves red flags. Fun with flags. Okay. So um, I would say that was like a big one for me. Um, you were I don't know, I would say honestly, that was probably the biggest one. Though you threatened me at one point and said, You're coming out to dinner for your birthday. I guarantee it. Blah blah blah blah blah. And I was like, that didn't happen. No, it didn't happen.

SPEAKER_01 16:28

Now look at us. No. Damn, you keep me secret. Yeah. It's not a secret now.

SPEAKER_02 16:42

No, you're right, it's not, but but that is an interesting fact now that I'm saying that. Right? That's weird. Yeah. Oh well, I mean it's fine. But yeah, I would say those things kind of push me outside my my therapist comfort zone. I love that for you. Ooh. When you screenshotted me. What? Some social media accounts. I was like, damn her.

SPEAKER_01 17:10

Oh, show up in my front lawn. I found that. I found all that stuff last year on spring break when we went to Florida. Yep. I remember. I thought of that when we were in Florida.

SPEAKER_02 17:26

Yeah, that was a little scary. Do you remember when you asked me? You're like, if I showed up on your front lawn one day, what did you think that I would want? Therapy. Therapy.

SPEAKER_01 17:38

It ain't wrong. Crisis mode. Um. I don't know, this might push you out of your company. So scared. I don't even know if you'll answer this. Probably not, but what is one thing the audience would be shocked to learn about your friendship? So our friendship. That they already don't know.

SPEAKER_02 18:08

I guess. Shocked. We might have to come back to that one. I'm gonna have to think about that one. Do you have any ideas?

SPEAKER_01 18:20

Okay. Alright, you want to come back to that one? Go back up. Okay. This one says, I know it's easy to get caught in this cycle of grief, but while still keeping their memories alive. How can we get out of this cycle of sadness? You can only distract yourself so much. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 18:52

Do you want to tackle that one first?

SPEAKER_01 18:58

I guess. I was waiting for you to be like, no. Um it says, in your memory, how can we get out of this cycle of so you can attract yourself so I don't know if the sadness ever fully goes away. There's always I'm always sad that he's gone, right? But while still keeping their memories alive. How can we get out of this cycle? I just try to no go.

SPEAKER_02 19:38

I was gonna say people are at all different stages of the cycle, right? So I think part of it depends on where you're at. If it was a month ago, there's not a lot that you're gonna do that's gonna be successful a year later when you have a new purpose, right? When you're doing something different for you, when your why is different, when your routine is different, the sadness is less.

SPEAKER_01 20:04

I disagree. Well, I'm only hesitant because I know the person who sent this one in. Oh, so you know. Okay, so give me some context. Well, no, like their person has been gone longer than mine. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 20:17

Um does that person have a big social support system.

SPEAKER_01 20:24

Their family are super close. Defined super close. They talk every day, they do everything together. Like they're they're tight. They all lost the same person? Yes.

SPEAKER_02 20:37

Was it the same type of relationship to that person that this is? Okay, and this person has siblings. Yes. Okay, but they're feeling stuck, I'm guessing, and the siblings have kind of moved forward more.

SPEAKER_01 20:52

I don't know if the siblings have, okay, per se. But yeah, I don't think you ever fully get out of the cycle. I think there comes a time. Well, I know for me there was kind of a mindset shift of this is my life. This is what I think. I can either sit here and be miserable and sulk in my goodness, right, or I can try to keep his memory alive, make him proud of the things that I'm doing. Um, you know, talk about him. I usually take something of his on every trip that I take. Just, I don't know, it just feels like he's a little bit there. Um yeah. And it's she said, you can only distract yourself so much. And sometimes you can distract yourself too much, I think. And then that's true. That kind of puts you. Back? Mm-hmm. Maybe not back, but not as forward. Right.

SPEAKER_02 22:04

Well, in everybody's situation is very different. Yours was sudden. Maybe that's different than a long-term illness, right? The other part of it too is you literally were thrown into your OCD the day he died. You had to, if you were going to survive. You had to move past that. So your one of your first things is yes, you're grieving him for a month or two, but then you are literally thrown into it to continue dealing with the OCD. He wasn't there to take care of it. You were doing this. Maybe from somebody else's perspective, if say three siblings lose their mom and one is married. How do you know it was three? Lucky guess. Right? So, and say one is married with kids. Okay. Their support system would look very different, and their moving forward would look very different than somebody who's single, goes to work, comes home at five, and sits at home. Right. And so I think it's important to be social. Get out, meet people, talk to people, write in a journal. You wrote in a journal for a long time. Oh, I okay, come back to that.

unknown 23:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 23:20

Um, you know, it's there's still ways to remember them and honor them and think of them, and you you're not gonna forget them. Right.

SPEAKER_01 23:28

But distraction is good, but you gotta find you gotta find your new why, you gotta find your new purpose. I try to tell myself, like, he wouldn't want me being still here alive and just like not going on with my life. Um, and that doesn't mean you forget about him. That doesn't mean like you go out and find a new husband tomorrow or whatever, or whoever.

SPEAKER_02 23:55

Maybe you do, no judgment.

SPEAKER_01 23:57

You do you, but yeah, so what did I just say?

SPEAKER_02 24:05

Well, and the whole the whole point being is like you can only distract yourself so much, right? Yeah, but your distractions actually need to be something that's important to you, something that's rewarding, something that you care about. Sitting down and doing a puzzle and sitting alone at home at night when your spouse is dead probably probably isn't the best choice. Don't do it with a friend at their house. But but you know what I mean? Like let their husband cook for you. No similarities here. Um, yeah, you know what I mean though, like everybody's distraction is different. Yeah, you know, some people might take up a new sport, meet like-minded people, go golfing.

SPEAKER_01 24:49

I don't know, pickleball's the new thing. Yeah, that's crazy to me. And she talks about the cycle of sadness. Sometimes you just have to go through, like, just experience it. Right.

SPEAKER_02 25:02

It's okay, it's normal.

SPEAKER_01 25:03

Yeah, it sucks, but it's normal. I mean, there's times where my day will be completely fine and then like destroyed by something because you had a good day. Yeah. Truth. Oh, I was happy. The sun was out, he didn't see it today. Like, yeah, yeah. It's a it's a wild journey. Okay. Do you have anything to end on that one? Are we good?

SPEAKER_02 25:26

No, I mean, I think that kind of covers it. It's it's important for people to know you're not alone. You know, go to grief support groups, talk to family and friends. It's gonna suck some days.

SPEAKER_01 25:38

That's okay. Yeah, you just gotta keep pushing. For sure. Keep it pushing, keep trying. Yep. Find your people. Find your community. Yes. Found my people. Y'all are probably sick.

SPEAKER_02 25:53

Bye. No, I'm just kidding.

unknown 25:56

Touching my mic.

SPEAKER_01 25:58

Okay. Um can people ever fully heal from trauma? Why are you looking at me?

SPEAKER_02 26:12

It almost looked like you were like displaying your tattoo out there. Just like. Oh, they can't even see it. No, they can't see it. But you can.

SPEAKER_01 26:18

I can see it. Do you need me to reread the question? Go ahead there. Um, question. Can people ever fully heal from trauma? Wait, do you want me to answer? Because go go ahead. Go ahead. Fully at this point in my life, in my education, I think no. Define fully healed.

SPEAKER_02 26:45

Fully? Healed. Healed fully. So, as in like you never think about it again. Um would you like me to call the viewer? No, but maybe we'll come back to that because there's different levels of trauma, right? So let's just say that we technically were all traumatized in some way on 9-11. Okay. Are you fully healed from that? Wait, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_01 27:11

My niece, my niece literally just yesterday goes, Were you alive during 9-11? Um, okay, re-ask what?

SPEAKER_02 27:22

So, like, so 9-11, right? We were all traumatized in our own way when that occurred. Are you fully healed from the 9-11? Are you? No. But why are you not?

SPEAKER_01 27:35

Well, because it's still in the back of my mind.

SPEAKER_02 27:36

Um Did it impact you directly? Did you lose a loved one? Did you have family in New York City? No. Okay, so basically it was an indirect trauma. And you're still not over it, and it's been 25 years. Almost. Correct. Right? It's less. Right? The pain isn't so bad. You know, we have all moved on and lived our lives for the last 25 years, but it's still there. Still in our memories. Steven would like to speak.

SPEAKER_00 28:11

So maybe you're not fully heal, but you learn to cope with it and deal with the feelings and emotions you get. I don't think you ever fully heal. It's always gonna be there.

SPEAKER_01 28:22

I like that, Steven. Steve Bo. Not bad. I love you guys.

SPEAKER_02 28:31

No, but you're right. Like we all we all found ways to move on from 9-11 as the example. You know what I mean? The car were shook up for a while, a little more anxious about but over time when we have more successes of that area than the negatives, our brain bounces out. It's still there. This is why you're a good therapist. I mean, it's true, like we can like it. And I think one of the biggest ways to think about it is 9-11, right? Every single person in the US and outside of the US was impacted by that and we still all hold a piece of it. How about the people with the JFK shooting? Assassination, right? There's something that they're still holding on to that they remember. So it can get better.

SPEAKER_01 29:24

Yeah. All right, I like that. I like Steve's input. Not that he's not good, but thanks that he doesn't talk as much. No, you're right, he doesn't.

SPEAKER_00 29:35

Um I haven't talked to my wife in years. I thought it would be rude to interrupt her.

SPEAKER_01 29:51

Damn. I love you too. All right. Do you ever worry you overshare too much on the podcast? Is that directed at you or me? Fuck off. I absolutely worry. But it doesn't stop you. Well, because I also want realness and authenticity.

SPEAKER_02 30:30

I I think I've asked for more to be cut out than you've asked for cut out. But you have more on the line. You have which is true, but well, and this one really is about like your your journey, right? And like how things are going. Like you're the host. I'm just the co-host. Just the co-host is crazy because whatever. You know what I mean? But you you it doesn't stop you from oversharing.

SPEAKER_01 31:00

You just I do. I we do like review these, and like if something is super unhinged, we'll take it out. This is true, but I'm usually okay with pretty much everything that's in there. Yeah. Yeah. With the unhingedness.

SPEAKER_02 31:22

I mean, we have to bleep out all your names every time we talk about y'all. Just a couple times.

SPEAKER_01 31:27

Like those last couple of episodes that you okayed, I almost didn't watch them because I was like, she okay, the magnet proofs must be getting. But I watched them. Um yeah, so I don't know if it's like a worry. I'm just, I don't know. I'm just you're just putting it out there like this is my story. Learn something. And like there's no sense in doing a podcast if I'm going to filter a bunch of shit either. Yeah. So you're welcome. All right. Why are you laughing? Because I know some of these will be fun, but I want to get to like, you know, good ones too.

SPEAKER_02 32:16

You're not gonna call her out on the lip smacking?

unknown 32:19

Sorry, I'm researching something on microphones.

SPEAKER_02 32:21

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 32:23

Can we get some lighting too? Moving on. Please. Thanks. I'll pay for it. Do you plan what you're going to say, or is most of it completely unfiltered? Completely unfiltered. We don't plan. Like we have a topic, right? Typically, but like we don't have an outline or please.

SPEAKER_02 32:46

You guys have seen us Google shit while we're in here.

SPEAKER_01 32:48

Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:50

No, we just wing it. Good or bad, I don't know, but that's all.

SPEAKER_01 32:57

You feel very stiff to me. It's okay to move.

SPEAKER_02 33:06

Would you like me to move? Am I freaking you out? I just feel like I'm talking to I'm afraid of like messing up my mic. Getting yelled at by the ball. Oh, I touched the mic. Did you hear that crack in the thing? I touched the mic.

unknown 33:20

I know.

SPEAKER_02 33:22

He knows. Tell us a joke, Steve. He's he's sorry, don't tell us a joke. We're busy.

SPEAKER_01 33:29

We're filming a podcast. Um, what did I just ask? Oh, if we yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I'm just trying to get rid of these as we go. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 33:42

Hey Vit.

SPEAKER_01 33:44

Yeah, Steve.

SPEAKER_00 33:45

Why did the stadium get hot after the concert?

unknown 33:49

Why'd the stadium?

SPEAKER_01 33:50

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 33:51

All the fans went home.

SPEAKER_02 33:55

That's a good one. I like that one. Man, even Oscar groaned. I need to move. Not much. Just I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 34:04

You're like, I'm off camera a bit, but you're fine. Okay, okay, okay. We're fine. Everyone's fine. Does Jen ever this who wrote this? Does Jen ever therapist analyze you during the podcast? Therapist analyze.

SPEAKER_02 34:27

No, do you kind of call you out on your shit. You do necessarily analyze. Because a lot of the stuff that you're talking about over the last couple years of your life, like, is stuff that for the most part I know. Nothing is necessarily new. A surprise, right? Yeah. Most of this has been processed previously in therapy. Go to therapy.

SPEAKER_01 34:54

Did you ever like? I mean, yeah, you analyzed me in therapy. That's your job, right? Right.

SPEAKER_02 35:00

Remember, what was that one time when I told you, you're like, I feel this way, blah, blah, blah. I was like, oh yeah, I anticipated that. And you're like, next time fucking let me know.

SPEAKER_01 35:09

There was a couple of those times that was like, nah, I just know what to do today. And you're like, yeah. It's okay. Well, I was hoping you knew why my anxiety was so high today. I don't know. I haven't really talked to you in a couple of days. A couple of days is crazy because that's a long time. Is because your mom? No, I don't think so. I don't know if it's just been like I've been traveling so much, so like my life isn't routined. It's probably what it is. Like, I still have suitcases and duffel bags and backpacks in my in my trunk. Like the clothes are all done and out, but like you're not officially unpacked, back in your routine, doing your thing. No, and to unpack just kind of drives my OCD crazy. So and like my OCD has already been high lately. So I just answered my own question. It's cool. Good job. Good job. Being a therapist of myself.

SPEAKER_02 36:04

I'm excited for my new classes.

SPEAKER_01 36:06

My phone just froze.

SPEAKER_02 36:08

Yeah, we're gonna have to talk about your classes on here. Mmm, my phone froze. What do I do? No more questions. Panic, panic. That's what y'all get for asking me directly.

SPEAKER_01 36:19

Ah, I fixed it. Bomber. Let me get rid of that one. Who is worse at taking their own advice? If it's me, you can say it.

SPEAKER_02 36:37

No, I would have said it's me. However. Oh, Steve has a comment. Yes, Steve. Please chime in. Sometimes we'll be at home and I'll be talking about something. He's like, what would you tell your clients? I'm like, shut up.

SPEAKER_01 36:51

Oh yeah, you've told me that before. Yeah. Listen, I'm a really good advice teller though. But I don't. If I would just listen to myself sometimes, I'd be probably 10 times better. It's hard. Because like, yeah. It's easier to tell someone what to do. Right.

SPEAKER_02 37:11

And then you'll be an okay therapist. Actually being a great therapist. Learn from the best. Just kidding. Leave that out. Period.

SPEAKER_01 37:21

Oh, that's a real damn. Um. Do we know what the audience would be shocked by our friendship yet? I don't know. Did you think of anything? The only thing I got is like how fucking scared you were to be friends, but still am. What the fuck?

SPEAKER_02 37:44

Um, I don't know. I I'm really gonna have to.

SPEAKER_01 37:49

Steve, have anything else that you thought of for that one?

unknown 37:53

No.

SPEAKER_01 37:54

We're normal.

SPEAKER_00 37:56

I mean, I don't know how much like you guys are very you guys are very open about your relationship on the podcast. So, like the viewers, it's it's not filtered. You guys put it out there, it's real, you talk about it. I can't think of anything you haven't talked about in your relationship.

SPEAKER_02 38:17

There's been been some weird conversations.

SPEAKER_01 38:20

I still want to tell you about my dream the other day. No, there's been I don't know if there's anything like really shocking. I think the most shocking part of it is we're here in this stage. Like we started off how we started, therapist and client, and now we're here. Yeah, terminated here. I'd fucking cut off. It's fine, still traumatized.

SPEAKER_02 38:50

So do you ever fully heal from trauma?

SPEAKER_01 38:54

Um, I think we kind of know this one. Who is more likely to say I shouldn't say this, but and then say it anyway? You I do ask you a lot. I'm like, can I talk shit or can I say something? Or it's true. Can I be honest? Yeah, totally you. Yeah, that one's me. Oh. Do therapists ever struggle with their own mental health?

SPEAKER_02 39:27

Obviously, we're therapists.

SPEAKER_01 39:30

I think there's a big misconception though about that, because a lot of people are like therapists have it all together because they're telling other people, right? You know, keeping them out, and this, that, and the third. But most people become therapists because they have a background of shit.

SPEAKER_02 39:53

They have something 100%. Yeah. I had somebody like a year ago, year and a half ago, who was a client of mine, and she was she was complaining about some punk kids, teenagers, you know. And uh she's like, I'm sure your kids are perfect, straight A's, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, oh god. If like if you knew, and like my anxiety went through the roof, and I was just I was so set off just by her making the assumption that that was my life. I couldn't say anything, right? Like, you know what I mean? But no, like I have hard experiences that I can bring to the table and be relatable to specific people, you know, and that's why the team is built the way it is. Everybody's got their own unique experiences and background and passions. And everyone's human.

SPEAKER_01 40:44

I've never met a human who hasn't gone through something, right? Like, I don't care how much money you have, I don't care your status in life, like everyone goes through shit. Um, yeah. Like I remember one of my family members, we were at a party, and this particular family member, like, they have money, like they're not billionaires or millionaires, but like they are very comfortable. And another family member had said, um, well, because this person who's comfortable, you know, was just talking about some problems that they have in life, and another family member was like, Yeah, but you have that the money and the big house, and the and my fur, like I was like, no, like money doesn't buy happiness and take away your problems, right? Will it help? I'm sure. I don't know, but maybe, but yeah, everyone has something, right? And that's usually why therapists go into that line of work, right? Or am I wrong?

SPEAKER_02 41:48

Why are you going into that line of work? Same. They answered your own question, huh? I mean, I'm just yes, Jennifer. I remember you saying you're like, I'm so fucked up, like, why would I why would I go into therapy? Like, why would I become a therapist? Blah blah blah. I was like, uh experience.

SPEAKER_01 42:06

Well, whenever like, because we have therapists in the family, and people will be like, oh, you know, she's a therapist and she's just as fucked up as the next person or no shit. Like, no shit. Like, yeah, we're not here because our lives are perfect.

SPEAKER_02 42:22

No, we want to spread the perfection again.

SPEAKER_01 42:25

I could give people advice all day long, but then when I need to listen to myself, I don't.

SPEAKER_03 42:32

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 42:33

So there's that. We'll keep it along these lines. Do therapists secretly analyze everyone around them? Hell yeah. Nailed it. Hell yeah. Like, do you ever like meet people and you're like diagnosing them in your head? Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:54

When people talk to me about their like other people in their life, I'm like, oh, might want to get that checked out.

SPEAKER_01 43:00

Like, sounds like bipolar. I'm not even a therapist and I do that. Exactly. It's like analyzing. I love that. See? Of course. I've already had friends like approach me and be like, hey, what what what is this? Like, what is my diagnosis? I'm like, bro, I'm like in my first year of school still. Here's the manual. Figure it out. There's the DSM book. You read it. It's like this big. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 43:30

Oh god, you're laughing. That's fine. Nothing has when you laugh, it makes me worry that. That's a weird ass question.

SPEAKER_01 43:38

What's your least favorite thing about each other?

SPEAKER_02 43:43

That's mean.

SPEAKER_01 43:45

Ang asked that. And I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 43:51

I'd have to sit on that one. I don't know that I could do it.

SPEAKER_01 43:54

You don't know that you can say it, or you don't know that there is one. That there that I could come up with something. I honestly don't think I can. Least favorite thing about each other? We'll come back to that, Ange. Thank you. I don't think there is anything. Like, I don't have something that I'm like, I don't like that about her. Right. Back to grief. Do people distance themselves from grievers because it makes them uncomfortable?

SPEAKER_02 44:27

Hmm. What do you think?

SPEAKER_01 44:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 44:30

Totally. People don't know what to say. People don't know what to do. Well, here's the thing.

SPEAKER_01 44:37

You haven't said that in a long time. Here's the thing. I am a grief coach and I still don't know what to say sometimes. Like, it's like, and then as a griever, you're like, you've heard that I'm sorry. You're hurt, you've heard everything. So it's like there's nothing I can really say to help this person. Right. Other than just letting them know that they're not alone. And I've had people, I talked about this in group the other night, you know, because they were like, don't, one woman had said, don't let other people silence you. You know, because a lot of us grievers have been told, oh, it's been a month, get over it. It's been three months, it's been this, it's been that. Yeah. And I've had people say things to me about, oh, like you do the grief support, you post things about grief, you talk about it. Like, is that making you stay stuck? And I'm like, stuck. This is my life. And I always say, like, grief should be more normalized because it's such life and death, it's all a part of life, but we really struggle with the grief side and making it normal. Right. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 46:15

Yeah, no, I agree, you know, and also not just grief of a death, right? Right. Grief of a loss, right? And a lot of people don't understand that as well. So they back off. You know, I've been in sessions, I can recall two sessions with two different people. That I literally sat there and was like, I don't, I don't have words. I don't, I don't, nothing I can say is gonna change anything, you know, and it's probably not gonna impact how they feel, right? But people also, I think subconsciously and not with ill intent, go back to their own lives.

SPEAKER_01 46:57

Yeah, and I myself as a griever sometimes feel like a buzzkill or a Debbie Downer. And I don't mean to, but like I can talk about grief very easily and naturally, like the party doesn't need to stop because I just said my husband's dead, like it's just facts. My husband is dead, and but I know like that people don't accept that well, so like I don't want to be the buzzkill, I don't wanna so I can get how people would want to kind of back away from that, but then at the same time, it's like it is what it is, like this is what I deal with every day, right? This is my life now. So I don't even know the original question, me either. Oh, do people distance themselves from grief just because it makes them uncomfortable?

SPEAKER_02 47:55

Yes, I I think yes, some people do, and I think some people just do it subconsciously without even realize where that person is in that stage of life.

SPEAKER_01 48:04

Yeah, just like any right, yeah. Just like naturally, like life gets busy, things happen.

SPEAKER_02 48:11

Yeah, because after the funeral, everybody went home with a significant other but you. Right? They all had people. So, that part.

SPEAKER_01 48:23

That's a wrap for the therapist and the wild card. One of us brings the therapy and the other brings the chaos. Together, we'll be back with more laughter, healing, and everything in between.