Episode 23 - When Grief Collides

During one of the grief group sessions Vit runs, someone unexpected walked through the door… the manager from the hotel where Chris died. She came to the group because she was grieving a loss of her own, not realizing Vit was the one leading it. In this episode, Vit and Jen talk about the emotions that came with that moment, how grief connects people in unexpected ways, and the complicated feelings tied to places and people connected to loss.

The Therapist & The Wildcard is a mental health podcast hosted by The Wildcard, alongside The Therapist, where real conversations meet professional insight—and nothing is off-limits. Together, they dive into therapy, grief, healing, relationships, emotional chaos, and the moments that make you laugh, cry, or ask, “Is this normal?”

Some episodes go deep. Some go sideways. Most do both. The Wildcard brings the unfiltered conversation, lived experience, and humor people are

usually afraid to say out loud, while The Therapist grounds the conversation with clinical knowledge, compassion, and perspective—without killing the vibe.

This podcast isn’t about having it all figured out. It’s about talking through the mess, naming the hard stuff, and finding meaning (and humor) along the way. If you’ve ever laughed through pain, questioned your own reactions, or wanted therapy talk without the therapy voice—welcome. You’re in the right place.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Welcome to the Therapist in the Wildcard, the show about grief, mental health, and all the messy stuff in between. One of us helps people heal for a living, and the other probably needs more therapy. Together we keep it real, raw, and sometimes ridiculous. I thought he was gonna be like. Welcome to the therapist and the wildcard. I'm Vit, certified grief coach, psychology student, widow, and wildcard.

SPEAKER_01 0:30

And I'm Jen, the therapist that keeps her in check.

SPEAKER_02 0:32

I did that on the first try.

SPEAKER_01 0:34

I am proud of you. I am proud of you. So where are we starting today?

SPEAKER_02 0:38

I don't know. Where do we want to go? Let's talk about Chris's birthday. No, can I tell the house? I like the hotel story.

SPEAKER_01 0:46

So why don't you just say that in the beginning? I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 0:50

You're so decisive. Okay, go ahead. I don't know how to start. Okay, so grief group every Wednesday. Last week we had a newcomer. And we get through the whole group. Does he know the story? You don't know the story?

unknown 1:10

Uh I might.

SPEAKER_02 1:12

He probably does. I feel like he does. Wasn't I over?

unknown 1:16

I think he told it.

SPEAKER_02 1:17

Oh. Um, so we get through the whole group. It's like over two hours long at this point. And everyone's kind of like chit-chatting on their way out, blah, blah, blah. And this particular girl, I'm like, what'd you think? How'd it go? How are you feeling? Blah blah blah. And she's like, Good. And she was like, you know, she's like, I kept looking at you. I'm like, okay. And she was very like suspenseful with it. Is that what the word I'm looking for? Yeah. And I'm like, okay. Yes. And I'm like, and we're across the table. So like the group, she's on one side of the group room table, I'm on the other side. So how many, like that's no one can see me. How many feet is it?

SPEAKER_01 2:05

From end to end or across? Across. Three feet, probably. Maybe four. Three, four.

SPEAKER_02 2:15

So are we crackly?

unknown 2:17

No.

SPEAKER_02 2:18

Um, and like there's 20 people in the room, so everyone's like chit-chanting, so it's kind of loud. And she's like, Well, I kept looking at you, like, I don't know if you noticed. And I was like, Oh, not really. And she's like, You looked very familiar. She's like, So I kept looking at you, and I was trying to like figure out where I knew you from, and it felt like it was a couple of minutes, it probably wasn't that long. Spit it out, and I was like, I was like, Do I know you? Like, do you know me? And she's like, Well, then I looked at the flyer and I saw your last name. She goes, and then I knew, but then she doesn't like spit it out. I'm like, knew what? I was like, do we do do we know each other? And she's like, I don't know if I should say anything, like, I don't want it to be like weird. I'm like, if you don't say this already, like I'm gonna jump across the table. So I'm like, no, just go ahead. Like, it's fine, say it. She's like, I'm from the hotel. And I was like, Wait, what? So for everyone who needs a little refresher, Chris died in a hotel. This woman is the manager at the specific hotel that he died. Isn't that fucking crazy? And so, like, I told Kenisha this story, and she's like, so she was stalking you? I was like, no way. No, actually. It was just literally coincidence. Like she had a loss, and a friend of hers, I believe, had sent her like my flyer. She's not even on Facebook. Oh. And so she came. Like, what are the that's so right?

SPEAKER_01 4:02

What are the odds that you would ever run into each other at a grief group that you're running?

SPEAKER_02 4:06

That's so crazy. And she was like, it's crazy because me and the other girl, the girl that was there the day, like of, she was like, you know, we would always be like, oh, ever, what, you know, wonder what happened to the girl who whose husband died. And yeah. So yeah, that was. She was so worried she was gonna like trigger me or make it weird. And I don't know if I'm weird because I love that she told me.

SPEAKER_01 4:34

Like, you would have been more disappointed if she didn't.

SPEAKER_02 4:37

Yes, like I was like, no, I'm like, thank you for telling me. Like, right. Um, and I was like, oh my god, was were like any of the workers traumatized or like um she did say she went in the room. A couple of like the housekeepers were like, uh she said before she went in the room, she like put her hand on the door, said a prayer. Um, but yeah, I thought that was interesting.

SPEAKER_01 5:06

Well, and she came back the next week, right? Yeah, did you hear the questions I asked her the other day? We talked a little bit about them, but like about the mattress? Yeah, go ahead and put that out there.

SPEAKER_02 5:17

The middle of grief group, I'm like, so I don't really talk much during grief group about me. Right. Like, it's for the other people. But I don't know what happened this week. Because even another person was like that I talk to regularly. She's like, you she was like, Oh, Vit's talking this week, like, whoa. What is that? She's opening up.

SPEAKER_01 5:40

Stand by.

SPEAKER_02 5:40

But I was like, so weird question. I think there was 10 people last week. They all like look at me and they're probably like, oh god, what is this? I'm like, so well, first I was like, because we were talking about video footage of like other people's situations, and if there was able any footage, blah blah blah. So I was like, oh, like I know there's no cameras in the rooms, but like there was a lot happening in the hallway. Yep. Um, I was like, did you watch any of the footage from like the hallway? And she was like, no. She's like, I didn't want to. She goes, it felt weird like going in and watching somebody's worst day ever. Right. Props to her, because I'm not gonna lie, you know, my ass would be all you would have been the first one in line for that. Um, and I knew there was footage because the cops had looked at it. Okay, because they were like, someone came to the room at this time, because it was like the night before we needed toilet paper or something. Okay. So they were like, you know, piecing things together or whatever. So I knew there was footage. But no, she didn't look, so that was a little disappointing. I kind of wanted to be like, how far back can you go? Because I kind of want to see. But then I don't.

SPEAKER_01 7:00

What what value are you looking to get from it? I don't know. There's really no point. That ain't gonna happen, anyways. There's no point.

SPEAKER_02 7:07

I already saw the man's body, it's fine. True, it's not fine, but so then I was like, another question. Am I breathy today? Because I still feel like I I didn't do a breathing treatment today. Anyways, I still sound a little raspy, but I'm not mad at it. Go with it. So I was like, so another question, maybe a little weird. I'm like, if it triggers you, just feel free to ignore me. And I was like, the mattresses. I was like, I was like, are there like I'm like, do you still have them? Are people sleeping on like a dead guy's mattress right now? Or what's going on? That's a good question. And she like kind of chuckled. She was like, well, she was like, corporate corporate doesn't want to replace anything unless things are stained. Right. Apparently the mattress wasn't stained, so that's good, I think. They were going to. She said she kind she had to like fight for it. Like, so they did end up replacing that room's mattresses, mattresses, linens, like oh no, they probably washed the linens. I'll ask next Wednesday. I mean, I could probably text her and have an answer.

SPEAKER_01 8:30

Why would they replace the mattress when there were linens on top of it?

SPEAKER_02 8:35

They were gonna keep the mattress, so they probably housekeeping probably went in there, stripped the beds. They probably didn't get rid of the beds right away because if she was having to fight with corporate, they were in there for a hot minute.

SPEAKER_01 8:48

Alright, I'm gonna go with they got rid of the linens. You'll ask on Wednesday. Okay, okay, continue on.

SPEAKER_02 8:57

I don't think they got rid of the linens, but we're gonna fight back.

SPEAKER_01 9:01

Okay, we ain't telling you what hotel.

SPEAKER_02 9:03

I just yeah, I know. I was like, I won't mention your name, I won't mention the hotel, I won't like it'll be very general, but yeah, I'm like, I don't know. I love that she told me. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know the word for it. Is there a word for how I feel about it? I'm not mad at it. I'm not Jen was funny. No, I was just truthful. Um, yeah, I don't know. I don't want like comfort isn't the word, but it's just validating, maybe? I don't know. And then you had said something in regards to like the effects and like 9-11 and that whole thing. Can you piece that all back together?

SPEAKER_01 9:55

Oh, like so everybody that witnesses the same event experiences it differently. So yours was like a severe trauma, yeah. But those workers may also have had some trauma around that, you know, or some some flashbacks or some anxiety. It's common.

SPEAKER_02 10:16

Yeah, so that's yeah, because my first question to her was like, oh my god, did any of the workers have trauma?

SPEAKER_01 10:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:24

So then yeah, so she came in that day after I had already left. Um, but the one girl, she I guess she still works there.

SPEAKER_01 10:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 10:33

Um, we had kind of known her because we had stayed there. Um so yeah, because when it happened, like they put me in a room across the hall because she was like, Get that she, I guess, asked her workers who were there. Right. Um, I was like, oh, you were probably like, get this bitch out of the hallway. She goes, No, honestly, she goes, I just wanted you to have privacy. She goes, it was more about your privacy. She goes, I didn't want you to have to like be in the lobby and everyone's staring at you and like you're just you're you don't have any privacy. Right. So they had like put me in the room across the hall. Um, the one girl had like brought a whole box of like snacks and drinks. She's like, I was like, give her whatever she needs. Um, because yeah, they had let me, they had told me, um, they were like, as long as you need to stay here, like it to feel free, like like do whatever you need. And I was like, I just I don't want to ever want to go in there again. But then it brought up the point of like leaving without him.

SPEAKER_01 11:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:37

Because they had taken his body out. I want to say, like, around two, like one or two p.m.

SPEAKER_01 11:42

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 11:43

And I believe I stayed there for like an hour afterwards because like everyone is like, well, what do you want to do? What do you mean? What do I want to do? Well, I I don't know what to do. Like, it felt fucked up leaving with without him. Right. Although he was like already gone, but it was like, I'm just supposed to just get back in my car and drive away. Yeah. What do I do? Where do I go?

SPEAKER_01 12:08

What do I it's I yeah, I didn't I didn't know what to do. Did you take any of the items that you had brought to the hotel and that were in that room? Did you take them with you?

SPEAKER_02 12:22

Yeah, so after they had taken him out before we left, we as in like me, Kara was there, my friend Victoria, my brother, um, my parents, whatever. So before we had left, I had gone back in the room to go grab some things. I think I left a few things as well, but like I did grab some stuff. The room smelled horrible. Am I allowed to say that? Trigger warning. Too late. Oops.

SPEAKER_01 12:57

Honesty is the best policy.

SPEAKER_02 12:59

Well, I'm sure some viewers were curious. It smelled so bad. But does that mean he like died shortly after he went to bed? If the room was already smelling? I would probably think so.

SPEAKER_01 13:19

How long before a dead body starts to smell? Haven't you ever Googled that?

SPEAKER_02 13:23

No, actually I haven't. Producer Steve with my accent. Listen, you little British girl. It's Australian.

SPEAKER_01 13:35

My bad. Steve down under No?

SPEAKER_02 13:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 13:41

Keep trying, keep trying.

SPEAKER_02 13:42

So I have cousins in Australia.

SPEAKER_01 13:46

Haven't they taught you anything?

SPEAKER_02 13:48

No.

SPEAKER_00 13:49

Um, clearly 24 to 48 hours before it starts to smell.

SPEAKER_02 13:55

Dude, the room smelled so fucking bad. Somatic symptoms. Huh? What does that mean?

SPEAKER_00 14:04

Psychosomatic. It was in your head.

SPEAKER_02 14:07

No! Victoria went in the room with me and she smelled it too. Well, I'm sure.

SPEAKER_00 14:11

Like, no, there's a lot going on in there. I I have a question.

SPEAKER_02 14:16

Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 14:16

Have you been back to the hotel since?

SPEAKER_02 14:18

No. No. I actually wanted to go in there a few times because I like I wanted to thank them. Like they were they were very great, but I don't I don't even like driving by it. Um, yeah. They sent flowers to the um funeral home. It was super sweet. Do you remember the room number? I I I did. I do. I have the key still with the thing with the room number on it. Um, but I don't like remember it. I it's like 108 or 107 or 109, one of those. Like seven.

SPEAKER_01 14:56

Avoid the first floor of all hotels in the Metro Detroit area.

SPEAKER_02 15:05

So yeah, I don't know. I thought that was cool. It was I don't know, maybe it's a little comforting.

SPEAKER_01 15:14

Just just to know that you guys didn't traumatize anybody over there, and they were all very concerned about you. And yeah, it was sweet.

SPEAKER_02 15:22

She was like, we always thought about you, and like what happened, and well, here I am running a grief group. Yep. So yeah, that was cool.

SPEAKER_01 15:32

That's my fun story. Well, it's a good one. It's cool to be able to reconnect with the people that were there that day that really stepped up and helped you out.

SPEAKER_02 15:41

So yeah, it was just like such a small world. Yeah. I mean, even today, at fucking buying earrings. Right. Angela was like, dude, that's weird.

SPEAKER_01 15:54

So all right, well, that's a wrap for now, and we'll be back.

SPEAKER_02 15:58

Wrap it up.

SPEAKER_01 16:00

Shortly.

SPEAKER_02 16:01

We'll be back next week.

SPEAKER_01 16:04

Uh I'm not even on camera.

SPEAKER_02 16:06

We'll just wrap it up. Wrap it up, cut, bitches.

unknown 16:10

Wrap it up, extend it out.

SPEAKER_02 16:12

We don't know what we're doing. We're just see you later. Here for a good time. That's the wrap for the therapist and the wild card. One of us brings the therapy and the other brings the chaos. Together, we'll be back with more laughter, healing, and everything in between.