Episode 29 - Sharing the Weight of Grief-Part 2

Every grief story is different, but every story deserves to be heard.
In Part 2 of this special multi-part episode, we’re joined by two members of our grief support group who courageously share the stories of the people they love, the losses they’ve experienced, and what life has looked like since everything changed. Together, we talk about the moments that changed their lives forever, the challenges that don’t always make sense to others, and the ways grief continues to shape who they are.

There are no scripts, no perfect answers, and no timelines—just honest, heartfelt conversations from people who have lived it.

Whether you’re grieving yourself, supporting someone you love, or simply wanting to better understand loss, we hope these stories remind you that you’re not alone.

A heartfelt thank you to our guests for trusting us with their stories and allowing others to learn from their experiences.

💙 If this episode resonates with you, please like, subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who may need to hear it.

#TheTherapistAndTheWildcard #Grief #LifeAfterLoss #GriefSupport #MentalHealth #Healing #WidowSupport #youarenotalone 

The Therapist & The Wildcard is a mental health podcast hosted by The Wildcard, alongside The Therapist, where real conversations meet professional insight—and nothing is off-limits. Together, they dive into therapy, grief, healing, relationships, emotional chaos, and the moments that make you laugh, cry, or ask, “Is this normal?”

Some episodes go deep. Some go sideways. Most do both. The Wildcard brings the unfiltered conversation, lived experience, and humor people are

usually afraid to say out loud, while The Therapist grounds the conversation with clinical knowledge, compassion, and perspective—without killing the vibe.

This podcast isn’t about having it all figured out. It’s about talking through the mess, naming the hard stuff, and finding meaning (and humor) along the way. If you’ve ever laughed through pain, questioned your own reactions, or wanted therapy talk without the therapy voice—welcome. You’re in the right place.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61581431292635 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thetherapistandthewildcard TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thetherapistnthewildcard

The Therapist & The Wildcard is a mental health podcast hosted by The Wildcard, alongside The Therapist, where real conversations meet professional insight—and nothing is off-limits. Together, they dive into therapy, grief, healing, relationships, emotional chaos, and the moments that make you laugh, cry, or ask, “Is this normal?”

Some episodes go deep. Some go sideways. Most do both. The Wildcard brings the unfiltered conversation, lived experience, and humor people are

usually afraid to say out loud, while The Therapist grounds the conversation with clinical knowledge, compassion, and perspective—without killing the vibe.

This podcast isn’t about having it all figured out. It’s about talking through the mess, naming the hard stuff, and finding meaning (and humor) along the way. If you’ve ever laughed through pain, questioned your own reactions, or wanted therapy talk without the therapy voice—welcome. You’re in the right place.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61581431292635 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thetherapistandthewildcard TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thetherapistnthewildcard

The Therapist & The Wildcard is a mental health podcast hosted by The Wildcard, alongside The Therapist, where real conversations meet professional insight—and nothing is off-limits. Together, they dive into therapy, grief, healing, relationships, emotional chaos, and the moments that make you laugh, cry, or ask, “Is this normal?”

Some episodes go deep. Some go sideways. Most do both. The Wildcard brings the unfiltered conversation, lived experience, and humor people are

usually afraid to say out loud, while The Therapist grounds the conversation with clinical knowledge, compassion, and perspective—without killing the vibe.

This podcast isn’t about having it all figured out. It’s about talking through the mess, naming the hard stuff, and finding meaning (and humor) along the way. If you’ve ever laughed through pain, questioned your own reactions, or wanted therapy talk without the therapy voice—welcome. You’re in the right place.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61581431292635 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thetherapistandthewildcard TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thetherapistnthewildcard

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The Therapist & The Wildcard is a mental health podcast hosted by The Wildcard, alongside The Therapist, where real conversations meet professional insight—and nothing is off-limits. Together, they dive into therapy, grief, healing, relationships, emotional chaos, and the moments that make you laugh, cry, or ask, “Is this normal?”

Some episodes go deep. Some go sideways. Most do both. The Wildcard brings the unfiltered conversation, lived experience, and humor people are

usually afraid to say out loud, while The Therapist grounds the conversation with clinical knowledge, compassion, and perspective—without killing the vibe.

This podcast isn’t about having it all figured out. It’s about talking through the mess, naming the hard stuff, and finding meaning (and humor) along the way. If you’ve ever laughed through pain, questioned your own reactions, or wanted therapy talk without the therapy voice—welcome. You’re in the right place.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61581431292635 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thetherapistandthewildcard TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thetherapistnthewildcard

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Welcome to The Therapist and the Wildcard, the show about grief, mental health, and all the messy stuff in between. One of us helps people heal for a living, and the other probably needs more therapy. Together, we keep it real, raw, and sometimes ridiculous. Welcome to the therapist and the wildcard. I'm Vit, certified grief coach, psychology student, widow, and wildcard. And I'm Jen, the therapist that keeps the girl in line. She tries. And we're back with our two guests, Rebecca and Dina from Grief Support Group.

SPEAKER_04 0:36

So we just kind of wrapped up about. Well, hopefully you watched the last episode.

SPEAKER_03 0:40

Yeah, you wrapped up quick. I wasn't even done. It was a great stopping point.

SPEAKER_04 0:45

I mean, well, we're back, okay? See the wild card. Um we're back. So we heard, hopefully, you heard a little bit of their stories in the last episode.

SPEAKER_03 0:54

We kind of left off with We were talking about like the first days after. And then we threw a little religion in there. Oh, we got a little deep. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:06

So, alright, since you have more questions, Vit, where are we starting?

SPEAKER_03 1:10

We're gonna still stick with the first couple of days. Okay. Looking back now, what do you wish someone had done for you during those first few weeks? Is there something that you wish somebody would have done that they didn't? Or was everyone pretty on par?

SPEAKER_04 1:31

Or maybe it was something that was missing after the first few weeks. Because like you said, the first few weeks, everyone's everybody's there. And then what disappeared that you needed, maybe.

SPEAKER_02 1:44

I feel like there's certain family members I wish would have showed up for me in the first couple days and weeks following. But the people that did show up did good. So I wasn't too concerned with other people. More concerned with what me and my brother had to be doing. That's fair.

SPEAKER_01 2:04

I think my big thing is that um I expected everyone to be grieving as hard as I was, and it didn't happen. Um my s my half-sister, who's my dad and my stepmom's daughter, um didn't seem like it phased her a bit. Either one of them. She's had a great amount of loss in her life, and I think she's just shut down from all of it. Um but I guess, you know, and I when my dad was gone and uh we went to the funeral home right after the same day that he died, I promised him to keep the family together and his kids because my dad was our rock. I I promised to keep the family together and it didn't happen. But I have since figured out that I promised him something that I wasn't ever gonna be able to achieve. So but I mean I was talking to my half brother who's full uh uh fully related to my sister, um and I said I uh failed. And he's like, What do you mean you failed? And I'm like, Well, let's see. One died and the other one is more distant than she ever was. And he's like, unless you have a cure for cancer that we're not aware of, right and you expected her to uh uh uh grieve as hard as the rest of us, and she's not capable of that.

SPEAKER_03 3:43

Yeah, you did what you could.

SPEAKER_01 3:45

Right.

unknown 3:46

I I tried.

SPEAKER_03 3:47

But you didn't fail. Right. That's on them.

SPEAKER_01 3:51

Yes. Yep. So I mean there's a lot of times I feel like I failed. I'm sure. You know, but I mean I reach out to her and you don't I I'm done reaching out to people who don't reach out in return. Right. There have been family members that I have had to say I can't do it with them no more.

SPEAKER_02 4:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

You know.

SPEAKER_03 4:19

Yeah, I'm the queen at cutting people out. See I love it now. It's like a game.

SPEAKER_04 4:25

If any of you have been cut off, start harassing her.

SPEAKER_03 4:28

It's a game. It's a game. If you want to be cut off, it doesn't take much. Keep exploring here. Alright, I like it. Were you surprised by how physical grief can be?

SPEAKER_02 4:47

Yeah. My whole body and even till this day, my whole body and my heart hurt like here and there. It used to be really bad, especially before I found grief group. But um it it does take a physical toll on your body. Like I feel like you started shutting down physically. Oh yeah. Definitely. It physically hurts your heart. Like, I thought that people I thought heartache was just like a mental thing.

SPEAKER_01 5:14

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:14

No, like it hurts.

SPEAKER_01 5:17

No, I agree. Yeah, I mean, I I've got diagnosed with chogrin's since then, which is highly regulated by grief. Um just different things that you know, my joint aches, uh, and it's all grief related.

SPEAKER_03 5:38

Yeah, I didn't know that grief was physical until it happened to me. Right. And like just the pure exhaustion after doing just sometimes simple things. Yeah. And I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with me? Right, I'm tired.

SPEAKER_01 5:55

Oh, yeah, like I'm still another all the time. Tired. And it's not because I'm doing anything, I'm just tired.

SPEAKER_04 6:06

Have you guys found any ways that kind of help some of the physical symptoms?

SPEAKER_02 6:12

Crying. I feel like crying helps me.

SPEAKER_04 6:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 6:15

Like, I sometimes I feel like this build-up, like internally, where I want to scream. It's like your body wants to scream, but like crying just lets that all out, and then like I physically feel okay after that. But I don't cry a lot anymore for some reason. Like, I haven't really cried over my parents in like months. I don't know if Grief Group is helping with that because I get to talk about them every week and get it all out. But um I don't cry that much anymore. Sometimes I feel like if I want to cry, I almost have to force the tears out.

SPEAKER_04 6:50

I don't know. You feel bad about not crying?

SPEAKER_02 6:53

Sometimes because I'm like, why don't I why am I not as sad as I should be? Like, there's people that I've met since my parents died that also have their parents that have died. And they're just like destroyed. Like every single day. It's really bad for them.

SPEAKER_04 7:09

It's all about outlook. I mean, you have your faith and you know, your belief in God and and higher power, whatever that may be, you know, and grief is not a linear line and looks different for everybody. Yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_02 7:21

Sometimes I feel bad when I come to group and I'm just literally talking about work or like family family issues or something stupid, and everyone else is like really talking about their grief, and I'm like, I don't really have anything grief related to share this week.

SPEAKER_03 7:35

But that's okay. Yeah, and you and I have talked about it as well, and you and I, because I've left a grief group sometimes, and I'm like, Well, am I broken? Like, because why am I not crying as much, or why am I not as bad as some of these other people in group?

unknown 7:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:53

So yeah, sometimes I'm like, fuck is wrong with me. Yeah, right. But everyone's different, everyone's outlooks are different, perspectives, mentalities, like it's just all different.

SPEAKER_02 8:06

Yep. I feel like I got no other choice but to like look forward because I'm only 29.

SPEAKER_03 8:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:12

Like, if I spent every single day for the rest of my life, God knows how long that's gonna be, just in pure misery, like, what kind of life is that for me?

SPEAKER_03 8:21

Yeah, and we talked about that in group the other day because you had said that and you were like, I feel like I have so much life to live still. And I was like, I feel like everyone in this group does. Like, we don't have any people who are like old and on their deathbed, for lack of better term. Like, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 8:39

Yeah, I'm twice her age, exactly. But that's okay.

SPEAKER_03 8:45

I don't act it. Yep, there you go. You still have so much time, still.

SPEAKER_01 8:50

Like, yeah, I think wait, are you the oldest? I I keep saying I am, and people keep saying I'm not, but I think I am. Huh.

SPEAKER_02 9:01

Wait, who's the youngest? That's why I was trying to say, like, people I knew before you're better than me at that. I'm trying real hard.

SPEAKER_01 9:11

Um no, you're young, you're the youngest, I think. No, we've got some new ones. Yes, they're moms. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 9:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 9:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:22

I kind of remember if they were my age or not.

SPEAKER_01 9:24

I think younger.

SPEAKER_02 9:26

Oh, I think the oldest one's my age.

SPEAKER_01 9:28

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 9:28

Yeah. Yeah, I think that's how that goes.

SPEAKER_04 9:30

But yeah, I think they're right around there. They're newer. So, Dina, would you add anything to the physical symptoms?

unknown 9:36

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:37

Or anything that's helped?

SPEAKER_01 9:39

When my dad died, I was big into um going to the gym and working out and stuff before he died, and I continued after. Um, when I left Warren and moved to Cadillac, all that stopped. And I'm struggling now to get back into that. So hopefully. Were you feeling better? Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:06

Physical activity can't help.

SPEAKER_01 10:08

Yeah, now I feel blah. Yeah. So, you know, and I yeah, I get my 10,000 steps every day. I walk the dog, but she's so busy sniffing, we're not getting anywhere fast. Yep. Yep. So I need to start taking better care of myself.

SPEAKER_04 10:26

Yeah, well, you guys have done some walks around here, right? Before group and stuff.

SPEAKER_01 10:30

Yeah. Yeah. Dina started it. Next Wednesday, we're not going. Because it's gonna be 94 degrees. Yeah, it's gonna be rough.

SPEAKER_03 10:37

Yeah, call that shit.

unknown 10:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:41

Rebecca wants to get grief group tracks. Yes, bro.

SPEAKER_02 10:46

It's all out there walking in like royal blue tracks together.

SPEAKER_04 10:50

Okay, that's a good advertising. Serenity might actually like pay for that.

SPEAKER_02 10:54

We'll walk up and down the main road.

SPEAKER_04 10:56

Seriously. Come on, then.

SPEAKER_01 11:00

I'm all in for a good time. I had a divorce party and they were invited, although they didn't come, but they said they were. Um, she was gonna get a shirt that said I'm a widow and I'm childless, and she was gonna get one that said I'm an orphan.

SPEAKER_03 11:19

Oh, because when you go and explain, people are like, oh, are you married? Do you have a kid? Let me just put it on a fucking shirt for you. And so she was like, I'm gonna get one that says I'm an orphan, and I was like, I'm just gonna put one I'm a widow and can't have kids.

SPEAKER_04 11:31

So instead of hi my name is, my problem is. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:35

Because I had to finally free stash. Yeah. And they're like, oh, we're gonna get shirts and we're gonna. She's like, no, yeah, not.

SPEAKER_02 11:43

We looked them up on Google, we were gonna get them. Oh, yeah. I mean, not Amazon.

SPEAKER_03 11:47

Amazon.

SPEAKER_04 11:50

Yeah, we're just Dina, here you are.

SPEAKER_01 11:53

Vit supposedly had something going on in Canada.

SPEAKER_02 11:57

Canada. I can't stand either one of them.

SPEAKER_01 12:01

And then because Vit wasn't gone, Rebecca didn't go. Damn, she put up on black wow.

SPEAKER_04 12:07

Right on the internet forever.

SPEAKER_01 12:08

Please. Damn. Yep. That's okay. Is it okay? She was trying to. She's doing great. Look at her. I had 21 people there, so there. Look at that.

SPEAKER_02 12:19

I'm scared of parallel parking, and I can't do that. So she was my ride. And it's all my fault.

SPEAKER_03 12:26

Per us.

SPEAKER_04 12:28

Usually it's mine, so continue.

SPEAKER_03 12:31

Um. What's something you never expected to mourn? I love that I'm making you think.

SPEAKER_04 12:45

Clearly, she did not prepare them.

SPEAKER_03 12:47

Oh no, I didn't want them to be careful.

SPEAKER_01 12:49

If you're asking if we had a topic, she wouldn't tell me. Grief. There's the eye roll.

SPEAKER_02 12:55

There's another one. I feel like there's been something, but now I can't pinpoint it.

SPEAKER_03 13:00

We can come back to it.

SPEAKER_02 13:01

Okay, maybe.

SPEAKER_03 13:02

Do you want to come back to that one? What was the question again? Oh shit. Dementia kicking in. I know. Old dementia. What's something you never expected to mourn?

SPEAKER_02 13:13

Hmm. Oh. Probably my future. Probably my future because like I expect my parents to be there for my wedding, my kids, like now I'll have kids and then they'll never know my parents. Like I always expected at least one of them to be around.

SPEAKER_03 13:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:34

So I had to mourn that. That's pretty much it. It's mostly the future.

SPEAKER_01 13:40

I think we've talked about this. I mourn that I lost myself along the way. And I mourn who that person was before I lost myself. But I'm finding her again. So and she's evolving.

SPEAKER_03 13:57

Did you get I don't even know how to word this? Because like you lost your dad and your brother, so that's one you change after that, but then also after the divorce and what you went through with that. So did you feel like you were hit double with that or harder? Or is it different? And I'll just fucking hit you.

SPEAKER_01 14:19

No, I I was honestly relieved with the divorce. I was relieved when I left because I was so broken. I was barely hanging on. Broken um with my dad and my brother. They have each other now and they're blessed to have that. So yeah, I'm I mean, you've got to remember we've talked about this. I had to ask permission to spend days with my dad in the hospital because Saginaw was so far, and why couldn't someone else do it? And why is it always you? And it it wasn't a marriage, it was bad.

SPEAKER_03 15:14

Right. So it was a relief when you're it was a relief, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:19

You know, who has to ask to go spend time with their dying father and explain? And what time are you gonna be home to make me dinner? My youngest grandson, who was four at the time, or was he five? I don't remember, doesn't matter. Was worried about who was gonna cook puppa dinner if grandma left. Who was gonna cook puppa dinner? Because that's all that he knew. And that was a huge eye opener. Huge. So yeah. No, it was it was a loss, but it was a gain, a huge gain.

SPEAKER_03 15:59

I saw you taking notes. Oh no, those are for later.

SPEAKER_04 16:02

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 16:04

Uh oh.

SPEAKER_04 16:05

Like later tonight. No, other topics to address on the podcast. Oh, I love that for us. You're welcome.

SPEAKER_03 16:14

Sorry, continue. What's something you still do because of them?

SPEAKER_00 16:21

Hmm.

SPEAKER_03 16:23

They're not used to me asking a lot of questions because I just let them talk.

SPEAKER_02 16:26

We don't really ever have to think this deep into a grief. I just show up. I see some stupid shit and I go.

SPEAKER_03 16:33

There you go. She's like, we laugh. It's fine. What's the question again? Oh. What's something that you still do? Is that what it was? Yeah. What's something you still do because of them?

SPEAKER_02 16:44

Mine's mostly like food related. Like I listen to my I know I go home. Fuck, I can't talk. Sorry. Sorry guys. Um I make dinners my parents would make. Or like eat things my mom would like to eat. Or like um even music, still listen to songs they'd play all the time. Like music's a big one for me too. On Father's Day. Um, I never do this because for me it's kind of dumb. It feels dumb to go to the cemetery and like talk to the grass. Like I feel I'm here for it. I don't know. I feel awkward doing it. It feels performative again. But um, I sat there and I listened to Pink Floyd with my dad.

SPEAKER_03 17:24

Awesome.

SPEAKER_02 17:25

We freaking love. He was obsessed with Pink Floyd.

SPEAKER_03 17:27

I love that. Yeah. I hated Kendrick Lamar when Chris was alive. I used to bitch at him on like, and I can't stand him. Now I listen to him, I went to his concert. I was like, I have to, like, I have to go for Chris. Like the concert. Yeah. Nice. I'm going to Chris Stapleton because I don't even know his shit, but Chris liked him. We knew a couple of the songs, and now I'm going. Sweet.

SPEAKER_01 17:51

So I um well, you guys know I was searching for a purpose. Again, in life, what is my purpose? Um, I became part of I don't know if I can say the name, Clinton Township Goodfellows. Um, I think their theme is No Child Without a Christmas. And I saw it on Facebook one day. I'm like, uh, maybe, because my dad, although he claimed to be the Grinch, demanded I say that lightheartedly, approximately 15 gifts per child, and there was six to ten of us. I mean, there was a mound at Christmas, and my brother was big on Christmas, so it was kind of my way of honoring them.

SPEAKER_04 18:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:38

Um, but I somehow now I'm the secretary and I just started going in October. But you know, whatever.

SPEAKER_03 18:47

Also, you joined that in October as well. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 18:49

I was really searching for me again.

SPEAKER_03 18:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:53

I like that one. Yep. I moved out. I moved back here to this part of town in uh the end of August. Oh, okay. Um, and then um yeah, I started going from there. Trying to find myself. What are you laughing at? He's kissing the dog over Jesus.

SPEAKER_04 19:14

I didn't get to.

SPEAKER_03 19:15

I don't blame him.

SPEAKER_04 19:16

Yeah, he's cute.

SPEAKER_03 19:17

He's playing with his floppy ear. He's six sevening his ears. Oh my gosh. She bought the six, seven nuggets for her.

SPEAKER_04 19:28

Nice. They must have been pumped.

SPEAKER_01 19:30

No, they were like, oh. I was like, I got a surprise for you guys.

SPEAKER_04 19:36

I've been more excited than that would have been.

SPEAKER_01 19:38

Braden's like, grandma, that was so last year. Oh. Because you know he's eight now, you know, he's mature. Yeah. And Lucas was just like, yeah, that was last year, because he follows everything that his brother says.

SPEAKER_04 19:49

So it's a 9-7, okay? 979, what do you want?

SPEAKER_01 19:57

I told him the other day, I said, guess what? Your grandma was born. And they're like, we don't know. I said, 1967.

SPEAKER_02 20:08

I put 1939 in my phone for her birthday.

SPEAKER_04 20:13

Oh my god. Why were you still friends with that?

SPEAKER_03 20:17

Didn't you text me one day and you're like, you're not like 45 or something? No. I thought you were like 45.

SPEAKER_01 20:23

Bro.

SPEAKER_02 20:25

How old are you? I had already forgotten you.

SPEAKER_01 20:27

36. Right?

SPEAKER_04 20:28

37? You're about to be 38 tomorrow. Yeah, you're old.

SPEAKER_03 20:33

I've been forgotten.

SPEAKER_04 20:34

Glad I can help.

unknown 20:36

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 20:37

Damn. She thought I was as old as you. How old do you think I am?

SPEAKER_02 20:45

Do I have an age for this?

SPEAKER_04 20:48

I say like 46. Damn! Dead on. Dead on.

SPEAKER_03 20:52

That was good. You thought I was fucking 45? Yeah, I don't know what's going on there. Damn, I must really look like shrewd.

SPEAKER_04 20:59

It's because I just covered my grays.

SPEAKER_03 21:02

I did two in the bathroom with some cover gray hair. Solid. I did. I like had to go buy it. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 21:11

My mom never had gray hair and she was like 58 when she died.

SPEAKER_03 21:16

I've had gray hair since I was 19. That's crazy. Thanks, mom and dad.

SPEAKER_04 21:20

You want to talk about the grief of gray hair? That's another topic. Let's go.

SPEAKER_03 21:26

You gotta drop that one down in your notepad. Nope. You're looking at you. You stress me out every time you do that. That's why I did that. I do that. All through group. I'll be like, oh no. She'll not only does she look at the clock, she'll look at the clock, and then she glares at me until I notice her. And then when I notice her, she'll look back up.

SPEAKER_04 21:49

You should be setting alarms.

SPEAKER_02 21:51

Oh god. Who wanted to set the timer for each person to talk? Was it you? Yes.

SPEAKER_04 21:57

Monopolize her sometimes. It's crazy. All gonna be out there. Sorry guys. I don't attend group.

SPEAKER_01 22:08

I'm just time conscious that you can't. I can't help my guys.

SPEAKER_03 22:11

And I appreciate it because my dad talked to me.

SPEAKER_01 22:14

If you're not 10 minutes early, you're late.

unknown 22:17

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 22:18

Yep. I'm late for everything then.

SPEAKER_01 22:21

And it's funny because I ask my daughter, Kelsey, I'll say her name, I don't care, she won't care. Um, if um what she thought Pa's first words were when Uncle Dustin showed up in heaven. And she said, he probably said, Welcome, son, look around, blah, blah, blah. And he probably said, Um, you're early. Because he was always yelling at us for being late. You're early. Because he was 53 years old. I mean. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:54

So I always thought when my dad saw my mom get to have me, he was probably like, not this, bitch. Like, I was enjoying my year of peace, bro. I was in heaven in the hell.

SPEAKER_03 23:20

I don't know her parents, but I so wish I knew them. Oh, that's gonna be your parents in heaven. We talk about our parents, and I'm like, do we have a new parents? Yeah, bro. Yeah, that's crazy. It's that's a it's I tell her that all the time. Like, dude, that's the shit my dad would say.

SPEAKER_00 23:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:40

Huh. Anyway.

SPEAKER_04 23:43

We've digressed. It's okay.

SPEAKER_03 23:46

We all need to go ahead.

SPEAKER_04 23:52

Dina and I, the time conscious people, are wondering what the heck's going on. Anyways.

SPEAKER_03 23:57

If they could see you today, what do you think they'd say?

SPEAKER_01 24:03

I already know. All right. My dad would say, good job. I'm proud of you. He wouldn't like my strength tattoo that I got because he didn't like tattoos, but I don't think. He'd be okay with that one. Yeah, he would say, good job. I mean, my brother would say, You're right. It's not your problem. I'm getting very I say that a lot.

SPEAKER_03 24:28

A lot of people have a lot of us in grief group now saying that though. Not my problem.

SPEAKER_01 24:32

Not your problem. That and what's the other one? Um, not helpful. Yep. Not helpful. So Yep. Why do you keep playing with your shirt? I feel my mic is like falling down.

SPEAKER_00 24:47

Oh.

SPEAKER_04 24:48

I'm sure Steve really appreciates you doing that.

SPEAKER_02 24:56

Alright, do you have an answer? Um, I think they'd be happy that like I held it together and haven't given up. Because that was my mom's biggest fear, is like I'd give up on life once she died. But no. My dad would be like, good job holding down the fort. Because that's what he would say when like when him and my mom would like leave to go on a date or whatever they were going. They used to go to the casino a lot together. He'd be like, hold down the fort while we're gone. So I feel like that's what I'm doing right now.

SPEAKER_00 25:26

Hold down the fort.

SPEAKER_02 25:27

Yeah. All positive things. I think they'd be proud of me. And my brother.

SPEAKER_04 25:32

Your brother's younger than you, correct? Yeah, like a year and a half younger.

SPEAKER_02 25:36

Oh. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 25:39

We know who the boss is, though. Oh. That's why you were always in charge of holding down the fort. For sure. You got anything? No. I was waiting on you. Okay. Get nervous every time she does that.

SPEAKER_03 26:00

Well, see, I had like the ones, and then I didn't get that far in the thing, so now I gotta kinda look at them.

SPEAKER_04 26:07

Well, you should have told me to start from the back of the packet. Oh.

SPEAKER_03 26:12

I didn't think that far. How this might be more for Dina. I'm sure it's for both, but how has your definition of strength changed?

SPEAKER_01 26:29

I think strength is something I thought everyone else had. And I never realized how much I had until I had no other choice. You know, I always saw my dad as a very, very strong person. And now I realize that he raised me to be the same way. And I'm gonna make him proud. And one of one of the sessions at group, a new person said, and look at my tattoo. And and it said strength. And I'm like, whoa! So I had to show her mine, and then two other people were like, look at our and it was like the word of the day was strange. Yeah. That was very strange how we all have different stories, but we all have similar stories. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:28

I like that. You have good answers, right?

SPEAKER_02 27:31

I put it correctly, I wasn't.

SPEAKER_03 27:34

I said the coins prior to it.

SPEAKER_04 27:37

I thought the age joke was coming out there.

SPEAKER_03 27:41

Oh, not always.

SPEAKER_04 27:42

We do love it. Is that wisdom? Wisdom. Wisdom. Life experience is what that is. True.

SPEAKER_02 27:49

I'm gaining my wisdom right now. Don't you have an answer right now?

SPEAKER_03 27:56

Um I don't know. If you don't have an answer, like, or you don't want to, you don't have to.

SPEAKER_02 28:00

I really never thought about it. Like my mom and dad, I feel like raised us to be strong-minded from like the very beginning. So, like, my definition, my meaning's always been the same. Like, you don't have a fucking choice, you just gotta keep going. So my mom should, yeah, every time she'd get sick or like have like something traumatic happen to her, she just kept fucking going. I feel like that's what I gotta do.

SPEAKER_04 28:23

Yeah. So you answer that same question. Yeah, but put her on the spotlight.

SPEAKER_03 28:32

I don't even know what the question is.

SPEAKER_04 28:34

How has your definition of strength changed?

SPEAKER_03 28:39

I've never really thought about it. That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_04 28:42

Neither have they, and you put them on the strength. Okay, so how would you have a few more? I got one for you.

SPEAKER_03 28:48

You don't have one?

SPEAKER_04 28:49

Oh. No, but I love when other people have Joe, she loves it.

SPEAKER_01 28:54

Your strength is that you have a new purpose in life. You're going back to school, you want to be a therapist, you want to help others, you want to do this and that. Before you had none of that. We've talked about that before. Because I didn't know if you were wanting to be a therapist before Chris passed away, or if that was something that started afterwards. That's what I would say for you.

SPEAKER_03 29:20

Yeah. I think strength has changed though, because in the beginning I didn't think I was going to make it. Right.

SPEAKER_04 29:30

Um you didn't want to be strong, and you didn't think you could be strong. Correct. And so it was like, I'm gonna do nothing. And then one day, Vit appeared.

SPEAKER_03 29:44

Yeah, because I I mean, like you've said, like you there's still so much life to live that there becomes this realization of like, what am I gonna do? Like, am I just gonna sit here every day and cry and grieve and not live my life? When I know Chris would be pissed if I did that. He'd be like, bitch, what the fuck? Well, he never called me bitch. Now he's probably like, damn, bitch. He's probably thinking. Oh, I'm sure he thought it. Um but yeah, he'd be like, no, like, what are you doing? Like, get out there, like, do something. Um, and like part of my drive is him because I know there's so much he still wanted to do as well, so I still tried to do those things. So okay, don't ask me any more questions.

SPEAKER_02 30:35

That just reminded me of um in my mom's letter that she wrote for whenever she died that I could open, she told me um that I have such a happy soul and like I'm such a good person. Don't let ever anything ever change that. So I feel like that's what I'm trying to do is like stay that happy, calm person.

SPEAKER_03 30:57

I love that. What that almost makes me tear out.

SPEAKER_02 30:59

I don't know, dude. I just started thinking about that. I was like, damn.

SPEAKER_03 31:02

Oh, I love that. That's nice. Okay. Where was my question from?

SPEAKER_04 31:15

Oh, okay. The therapist that keeps the girl in check.

SPEAKER_03 31:24

Um, sorry. Okay, this is for Dina. Again? Sorry. You have different dynamics. Yes, I do. What would you tell someone listening who feels trapped? Trapped in what? Marriage relationship.

SPEAKER_01 31:53

You need to number one, weigh the pros and the cons. Make a plan, stick to your plan, and never look back once you make that decision. There was something that was told to me yesterday, and you guys were on the text chain. Someone said you had the strength to walk away. Now keep walking. Because I second guess myself still. Maybe I was the bad person and he wasn't. Maybe I could have done this, maybe, maybe, maybe, and it's not true.

SPEAKER_03 32:36

Right. And what's your line? Huh? What did you do?

SPEAKER_02 32:44

Oh, a narcissist wouldn't worry about being a narcissist.

unknown 32:46

Correct.

SPEAKER_03 32:48

Yeah. Yep. Yeah. Because Dina will spiral sometimes, and we gotta bring her back. Bring the back around with that. Gotta rewind her.

SPEAKER_00 33:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 33:03

Alright, maybe one more question here, and then we'll kind of call it a wrap. No, wrap it. Rep now! I thought you were gonna thank you. That's what I was waiting at. That's a wrap. Perfect.

SPEAKER_03 33:15

That's a wrap for the therapist and the wild card. One of us brings the therapy, and the other brings the chaos. Together, we'll be back with more laughter, healing, and everything in between.