Episode 30 - Sharing the Weight of Grief-Part 3

Every grief story is different, but every story deserves to be heard.
In Part 3 of this special multi-part episode, we’re joined by two members of our grief support group who courageously share the stories of the people they love, the losses they’ve experienced, and what life has looked like since everything changed. Together, we talk about the moments that changed their lives forever, the challenges that don’t always make sense to others, and the ways grief continues to shape who they are.

There are no scripts, no perfect answers, and no timelines—just honest, heartfelt conversations from people who have lived it.

Whether you’re grieving yourself, supporting someone you love, or simply wanting to better understand loss, we hope these stories remind you that you’re not alone.

A heartfelt thank you to our guests for trusting us with their stories and allowing others to learn from their experiences.

💙 If this episode resonates with you, please like, subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who may need to hear it.
The Therapist & The Wildcard is a mental health podcast hosted by The Wildcard, alongside The Therapist, where real conversations meet professional insight—and nothing is off-limits. Together, they dive into therapy, grief, healing, relationships, emotional chaos, and the moments that make you laugh, cry, or ask, “Is this normal?”

Some episodes go deep. Some go sideways. Most do both. The Wildcard brings the unfiltered conversation, lived experience, and humor people are

usually afraid to say out loud, while The Therapist grounds the conversation with clinical knowledge, compassion, and perspective—without killing the vibe.

This podcast isn’t about having it all figured out. It’s about talking through the mess, naming the hard stuff, and finding meaning (and humor) along the way. If you’ve ever laughed through pain, questioned your own reactions, or wanted therapy talk without the therapy voice—welcome. You’re in the right place.

The Therapist & The Wildcard is a mental health podcast hosted by The Wildcard, alongside The Therapist, where real conversations meet professional insight—and nothing is off-limits. Together, they dive into therapy, grief, healing, relationships, emotional chaos, and the moments that make you laugh, cry, or ask, “Is this normal?”

Some episodes go deep. Some go sideways. Most do both. The Wildcard brings the unfiltered conversation, lived experience, and humor people are

usually afraid to say out loud, while The Therapist grounds the conversation with clinical knowledge, compassion, and perspective—without killing the vibe.

This podcast isn’t about having it all figured out. It’s about talking through the mess, naming the hard stuff, and finding meaning (and humor) along the way. If you’ve ever laughed through pain, questioned your own reactions, or wanted therapy talk without the therapy voice—welcome. You’re in the right place.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61581431292635 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thetherapistandthewildcard TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thetherapistnthewildcard

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:00

Welcome to the Therapist in the Wildcard, the show about grief, mental health, and all the messy stuff in between. One of us helps people heal for a living, and the other probably needs more therapy. Together we keep it real, raw, and sometimes ridiculous. Welcome to the Therapist in the Wildcard. I'm Vitt, certified grief coach, psychology student, widow, and wildcard. And I'm Jen, the therapist, and I'm gonna work in a longer title.

SPEAKER_02 0:28

Because I need to say more, I think.

SPEAKER_04 0:31

I was mocking you and then you ruined it.

SPEAKER_02 0:37

I can't. And we have guests here today. Welcome back to Rebecca and Dina. Hi. Hopefully you watched the last two episodes. Hi is crazy. Hi. Hi. So nice to be here. Thanks for having me.

SPEAKER_04 0:53

Alright, this is a look into great group for you. Okay. Dina just shakes her head, rolls her eyes, and then nods at us.

SPEAKER_01 1:01

Actually, I'm thinking I need to buy a bunch of these. Aren't those great life?

SPEAKER_04 1:05

Maybe it'll be a little bit less angry.

SPEAKER_01 1:07

Wow, maybe. Wow.

SPEAKER_03 1:10

It's not good for her arthritis.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_03 1:13

No, it's actually I think it's helped. Oh. Okay. Yeah. She's old. Do you think you're really not that old? I love you.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

You're really not old. No, not old. They do that to me all the time. They go blink and forth and then they go, but we love you.

SPEAKER_02 1:30

Okay. Okay. Okay. So you wanna give a little premise about the thing, or are we just jumping in?

SPEAKER_04 1:37

Well, I have a question, and then we're gonna do a little complete the sentence quick fire thing. Ooh, ooh. And then we're gonna do some. I feel like you guys need buzzers, right? Oh, that would be. Oh, but we only want to.

SPEAKER_03 1:53

I'm gonna feel like Judge.

SPEAKER_04 1:54

Can raise your hands. No, they'll have to like put you put it all in front of you. Or they can grab the needle from something, from the table. Okay, we're gonna be able to do it.

SPEAKER_03 2:04

I think that's a freaking competition. Seriously. I'm alone as a girl. There'd have to be a prize at the end.

SPEAKER_02 2:11

Pride, not prize.

SPEAKER_03 2:13

Oh. No.

SPEAKER_00 2:16

There's no prize. Be proud of yourself. How logical she is.

SPEAKER_01 2:25

I'm just over here shaking my head, rolling my. I said so serious. Because it's pride of mine.

SPEAKER_00 2:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:34

All right. Anyways. Okay, so.

SPEAKER_02 2:39

Don't look at her. Right. She said, All right. We're really back this time.

SPEAKER_04 2:49

And we're back. All right. For real. Okay. If you could erase the pain, but you'd also lose the memories too, would you? Absolutely not. No.

SPEAKER_01 3:11

Same. Agreed.

SPEAKER_02 3:14

That was too easy, of it.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

Yeah, okay. No, that was my biggest fear. Is forgetting the memories. Yeah. I mean, as stupid as some of them are. They are a memory.

SPEAKER_04 3:28

I live. You're still doing notes? No. I just turned to that page. Oh. Okay, these say quick fire. But do they both shout it out, or do I like have one do one and one do the other? No.

SPEAKER_03 3:46

I'd say we both yell some.

SPEAKER_02 3:48

Yeah, I feel like one needs to leave the room. It's like it's a lower with the room. They need like sign to just like hold it up.

SPEAKER_03 3:55

Yeah, we'll see if we match. Grief is raw. Hard.

SPEAKER_02 4:04

Oh, wait. Wow. We went there. Maturity level. So sorry. I don't think you are. Sorry.

SPEAKER_04 4:19

Keep that shit in. I don't care. It's fine. Healing is difficult. Love is strength is.

SPEAKER_03 4:59

I know you think that's home is where the heart is.

SPEAKER_00 5:13

That's what I thought you know.

SPEAKER_03 5:17

The people around you.

SPEAKER_01 5:19

It's a good one. I like that one. I'll go with that one too. Death is painful. A bitch. Period.

SPEAKER_04 5:27

Tomorrow is. Never promised. What she said. Last one. Today I am proud. Okay.

unknown 5:39

Focused.

SPEAKER_02 5:40

Just okay? Oh. Focused. Focused. I don't think you said okay.

SPEAKER_03 5:44

No, I said okay. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 5:45

I heard focused into my earring, you know, because I'm old. She's got her earring A's at home.

unknown 5:50

No.

SPEAKER_03 5:50

Focus means something special to Dina. Isn't it today? If you would watch our message, like our vine. What are they? Reals. We don't have vine anymore.

SPEAKER_02 6:00

Vine is from like the 90s.

SPEAKER_03 6:02

Yeah. What does focus stand for, Dina? I can't remember.

SPEAKER_02 6:06

I thought it was special to me.

SPEAKER_03 6:08

Wait, you really can't remember? No. All right, well. I'll think about it. Good talk. Yeah. It's like fuck off because you're stupid.

SPEAKER_01 6:20

Oh yeah, that's it. Yeah. So it grew with my guests. No. Oh no. We'll cut that out. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 6:36

I'm reading. Oh. Would you rather hear them say I love you one more time? Or tell them I love you one more time? Tell them. Tell them.

SPEAKER_01 6:58

Tell them. My dad never said it. Never. My daughter would say it to him and force him to say it back to her, but my dad never did. It was it was just a given. You could tell by his actions each and every day. Just the way it was.

SPEAKER_02 7:23

See, not everybody has to say I love you.

SPEAKER_01 7:26

Remember that.

SPEAKER_02 7:27

Remember that. I'm going to hell.

SPEAKER_04 7:31

I actually said I love you earlier and you didn't say anything back. What?

unknown 7:35

Wow.

SPEAKER_04 7:35

I don't know. Check the text. You're eyes still on red, so you answered after that.

SPEAKER_02 7:42

Oh.

SPEAKER_04 7:43

Well, you know how I answer those things.

SPEAKER_02 7:44

It's fine.

SPEAKER_04 7:45

I love you.

SPEAKER_02 7:46

I love you too.

SPEAKER_04 7:47

Did you get that? Because she flipped me off while I'm telling her I love her.

SPEAKER_02 7:53

Okay, so would you rather?

SPEAKER_04 7:58

Would you rather receive signs often, but always wonder if the signs are real or never receive signs at all?

SPEAKER_03 8:08

Why would you pick never receive signs at all?

SPEAKER_04 8:11

Right. Because I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 8:14

Well, you can either receive signs and second guess them, or not receive them.

SPEAKER_03 8:18

I'd rather second guess signs. Yeah, I think so.

SPEAKER_04 8:23

I take it. I'm sure I take some stupid shit for signs, but I take it whenever I can get.

SPEAKER_02 8:28

But that's the belief, that's the faith that we hold on to. There's nothing wrong with that.

SPEAKER_04 8:40

Would you rather never cry again or never stop missing them? Never stop missing them.

SPEAKER_01 8:52

Never stop missing them.

SPEAKER_02 8:54

Why are you laughing? That's a weird question. It is kind of a weird one, but what would you pick?

SPEAKER_04 9:02

Never stop missing them.

SPEAKER_02 9:04

Crying is okay, it's healthy.

SPEAKER_04 9:06

Feels good sometimes.

SPEAKER_02 9:10

I mean you guys do it all the time in grief groups, so it's fine.

SPEAKER_03 9:14

We laugh a lot too. Oh, I've heard, I know.

SPEAKER_04 9:18

No, I think it's good. We have a good balance. I was worried about the balance the other day. Yeah. She texted me.

SPEAKER_03 9:23

I was like, am I too goofy for grief? Because I know people come to talk about their actual grief.

SPEAKER_04 9:28

And no, I think we have a good balance, right? You think so? I think so.

SPEAKER_02 9:36

Sorry. I knew you were gonna do that. Would you rather heal faster? Wow. Wow, faster. Rewind. Would you would you rather heal faster or remember every detail forever? Remember every detail for that. Remember every detail.

SPEAKER_04 9:57

For sure. For sure. Would you rather have less pain but fewer memories, or more pain with every memory intact? I'd take more pain. I'm just a clicky person. Would you rather tell one story about them every day or hear one new story about them every year? So tell one story about them every day, or you hear a new one one time a year. I would take a new one. I just naturally click.

SPEAKER_03 11:01

Wait, but does that mean we uh get we have to talk about them less? See now you're getting too deep. Well you gotta think about the things and do the process. Maybe. Cause if we're telling the same stories every day. Would you rather tell once a year? We can't do that anymore. We have to wait for the once-a-year news story. So then we don't we don't get to talk about them.

SPEAKER_04 11:24

That's the way I took it, so that's the way I answered that.

SPEAKER_03 11:29

Yeah, I switched my answer.

SPEAKER_01 11:31

No give backs. Well do you want to ask one?

SPEAKER_02 11:39

Would you rather well I'm gonna ask this and then I'm gonna continue on with it. Would you rather preserve all of their belongings or have one item that perfectly captures who they were?

SPEAKER_01 11:49

One item. All of them. Order.

SPEAKER_02 11:54

Literally. So have all of them.

SPEAKER_04 11:57

All of them. One. I picked his hair off of a Nito. Oh, you're right. And I have a container of his body here. She's picking it out of her couch.

SPEAKER_01 12:08

That's just weird.

SPEAKER_02 12:10

Oh, it's just a little bit more.

SPEAKER_03 12:11

How'd you know it was there?

SPEAKER_02 12:12

Well, but okay, but you can't keep everything forever.

SPEAKER_03 12:16

Fuck I can't. That's what I'm saying. Everyone keeps telling me get rid of my mother's body. No, that's all items. Everything.

SPEAKER_04 12:22

Well, not every thing.

SPEAKER_03 12:24

And my mother's tooth. I have his empty bottle of toothpaste. I got my dad's last jar of coffee grounds. I have my body's body. I have his body.

SPEAKER_02 12:38

We're massive to it too. Somebody want to put up in here.

SPEAKER_03 12:42

My dad's at home. I'm just gonna. I have his casket. Damn.

SPEAKER_04 12:49

My husband's in his in my living room.

SPEAKER_03 12:51

No.

SPEAKER_04 12:52

You're not wrong. I'm just gonna wish my parents were grieving. Well, interesting. Fair enough. Fair enough. Perfect opportunity. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 13:05

Oh no. So what had happened was, no, what had happened was my daughter called me um the Monday before New Year's last year. So 2025 was a horrible year. So we're still in 2025. No, I'm sorry, she texts me. It's a Monday, I'm working. Mom, don't panic. Oh. Oh okay. Yeah. I said, what's going on? The boys and I just got in a really bad car accident. We're okay, but the car's totaled. I'm like, okay. Well then she calls me and she's like, Mom, it was bad. She said, um, we couldn't get out of the car. Brayden got out his door. He had to get Luke out of his car seat and get him out of his door because I couldn't get out of mine, blah, blah, blah. The car was on fire because they hit the engines, the airbags were going off. Um, someone T-boned her and they she slammed into somebody else, and it was just bad. So all day long I carry around my dad and my brother's urns crying and thanking them for being in heaven and watching over them and being the guardian angel, blah blah blah, all day long. In and out of my pocket. They're just little tiny urns. Well, at the end of the day, I go to put them back on the shelf, and I don't know who's who. Oh. They're not labeled, they're not engraved, nothing. They're identical. Oh my god. I don't know which one is which. And they always find that. So I posted on them. It's got a picture of the picture of it. I took your picture as good as mine. They're both yay big and they're silver and they match. Oh my god. Make sense. I had my brother on the left and my dad on the right, because that's the picture that I have the two of them together. So it made logical sense. But then after carrying them around and setting them down and yeah, whatever, they're still together. I've had people tell me to open them and mix them and put them back. No, no, no. No. We're not doing none of that. I wouldn't do that. Nope. Literally. They're standing where they're at. I don't know who's who and they don't care.

SPEAKER_02 15:38

They're both there. That's fine.

SPEAKER_01 15:40

But it always cracks me up when I think about it. It's my favorite. Yeah. It's my favorite story.

SPEAKER_02 15:47

Solid. Yeah, we're gonna have to add that photo to the added.

SPEAKER_03 15:53

I usually show it to everyone in group when she tells it for the first time.

SPEAKER_04 15:56

Oh, yeah, we pass the photo. Like, look at that. Yeah. If there's like several new people at one meeting, we make sure she tells the story. Yeah. Yeah. It's a staple at this point. Yep. Special. Would you rather lose their voice in your memory or lose the image of their face? Voice. You'd rather lose the voice?

SPEAKER_03 16:22

Yeah, I don't want to forget what they look like. Because like I feel like the voice are the voices have already faded away a little bit. But I can always remember what their faces look like. Like I don't want to think back to them and just see like blank faces.

SPEAKER_01 16:40

See, with my dad, I think I would keep the voice because there's so many in people in the family that look like him. I can relate to that. With my brother, I don't have his voice on anything. So his would be the face.

unknown 16:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 17:01

Would you like to answer that bit?

SPEAKER_04 17:03

I was trying to ask the question before. Continue answering or continue questioning? Answer. Answer. So here's the thing. Am I able to Here's the thing. If I lose the memory of their voice, am I still allowed to listen to it and mess it like in videos and stuff?

SPEAKER_03 17:26

How would you remember that's their voice?

SPEAKER_04 17:29

Who asked you? Who brought me? Seriously. You invited her. I don't know. I can't pick. That like it literally thinking about it makes me want to throw up. Oh my god. Like, I feel sick to my stomach right not thinking about it.

SPEAKER_03 17:47

No.

SPEAKER_04 17:48

Come on. Okay. Pick one. You pick one. Steve dies. Which one do you want to lose? The voice.

SPEAKER_02 17:59

He has many voices, but which voice?

unknown 18:03

Damn.

SPEAKER_02 18:04

The Australian voice, the announcer, the southern guy, like. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_04 18:10

No, I literally feel like I want to throw up answering that question. Then why did you even ask it? Because it it was a good one. Would you rather go back to the person you were before your loss or become the person you are now?

SPEAKER_03 18:28

Person I am now.

SPEAKER_04 18:29

No.

SPEAKER_01 18:31

I don't like the person that I was before. That person was a shell. If I could go back to the person that I was before I met him, that would be a harder choice for me. But yeah.

SPEAKER_04 18:50

Right.

SPEAKER_02 18:51

What about you, Vit?

SPEAKER_04 18:55

We've talked about this one because you know it fucks me up.

SPEAKER_02 18:59

Yep. Why does it fuck you up?

SPEAKER_04 19:02

Because I wouldn't be where I am and who I am today. If he hadn't died. If he hadn't died.

SPEAKER_02 19:14

Would Dina be where she is today if her dad didn't didn't pass and her brother didn't pass and say those things? Right.

SPEAKER_04 19:22

Oh, I feel attacked.

SPEAKER_01 19:24

Well, I mean, there's a reason for everything.

SPEAKER_04 19:28

I know. I had a really hard time with that after he died. I was like, no, there's not a reason for everything. But I think I'm back to the stage where I'm like, there is a reason. I'll never fucking understand the reason.

SPEAKER_02 19:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 19:44

But there's a reason.

SPEAKER_02 19:47

Fair enough.

SPEAKER_03 19:48

I feel like mine pushed me into adulthood because, like, I said the other day, it's kind of like a teenage adult living at home with my parents and stuff. Yeah. So now it's pushed me into the direction of like growth. For sure. Like I have to be an adult now. There's no other choice. Right. So, like, I don't know. It makes me want to do better and be better too. Like, I want to go to college and get another degree and stuff. So I can have like a good future or whatever. I feel like I'd still be I'm not saying I regret taking care of my mom or anything. Like I would do it all over again. I'd give up the rest of my adulthood to do it again if I could. But um I don't think I'd be going to college and like working and stuff if my mom was still alive. Yeah. Yeah. I'd be at home taking care of her every day.

SPEAKER_04 20:35

Right. Yep. Yeah. It's a fucked up thing. Would you rather never experience grief but never know your person or experience the grief because you had them? That one. Yeah. Solid.

SPEAKER_02 20:59

Solid. You. I still can't turn it on. Oh my god. Would you rather have life be easier or more meaningful?

SPEAKER_01 21:14

Meaningful.

SPEAKER_03 21:16

I feel like life had more meaningful.

SPEAKER_02 21:19

I think that's just kind of like a natural progression. Like brief. Like you know. Would you agree or no? Some days it would be nice if it was a little bit easier, but you're not lying.

SPEAKER_04 21:32

Life has been life and I mean we had this talk today. You're like, how are you? I was like, well, life is doing its thing, and I wish it would fucking slow down, slow down. So there's that.

SPEAKER_03 21:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 21:44

Yep. Oh, would you rather have one person who truly understands or a hundred people trying to help?

SPEAKER_01 21:58

One. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:07

Haha. Would you rather someone ask how you're really doing or simply remind you they're there. They're there. They're there. Yeah. It's a comfort. Yeah. Yep. Cause everybody asks. How you doing? You know? You know. And they don't really care. And they don't really listen to your answer, anyways. It it's just a common, like, that's the expectation, right? But yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:32

My answer used to always be good, good. I'm good. I'm good. I just now it's like, I'm just okay. Be kind of real with them.

SPEAKER_02 22:40

Right.

SPEAKER_03 22:40

Not everything's wonderful and fantastic and good every day.

SPEAKER_02 22:43

Well, and there's some people that you can be honest and open with, and other people that you're just like good. Yeah. And they're like, okay, cool, I'll see you later. You know, like you're like dying on the inside.

SPEAKER_01 22:52

Right.

unknown 22:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:52

So how the hell you think I'm doing is not probably a good answer. Right. Right. For those people?

SPEAKER_02 22:57

Yeah. Like the people at the grocery store at the checkout line like, how you doing today? You don't really want to know. I'll just cry the next 20 minutes on the way here.

SPEAKER_03 23:05

Or like when they ask they asked me at the funerals. I was doing. How do you think? How do you think I'm doing today? Crappy? It's a beautiful day.

SPEAKER_04 23:14

No kids, I'd rather be here, right?

unknown 23:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:17

Or instead of that, they're just like, You doing okay? No, the fuck I'm not.

SPEAKER_03 23:24

Yeah. I feel like you gotta be like, yeah, and then they'll be like, well, I'm not, and then you I had to comfort people over my parents. Like, did you have to comfort anyone while you're grieving for the loss of your person?

SPEAKER_01 23:40

I don't. Maybe his immediate family. His his dad, maybe? His mom?

SPEAKER_02 23:49

Not really.

SPEAKER_04 23:50

But it was reciprocated. Like you know what I mean? Like we kind of all just comforted each other. Did your mic fall off your thing? No. Just chilling. Yeah, but like. Yeah, I don't know. I felt I don't think I really had to. Maybe my mom. But that kind of checks out, so. That's what I'll answer. Dina's just staying quiet. Okay. Um. Would you rather have your loved one roast you for five minutes or compliment you for five minutes?

SPEAKER_03 24:39

Roast. I miss the roasting. My mom and dad used to go in on me. I miss it, dude. Because I like to roast the neck.

SPEAKER_02 24:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 24:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:52

I don't know with my dad. With my brother, roast for sure, because him and I just had that kind of relationship. With my dad, I would probably want to hear some compliments for a little while. That's fair. Because he was not expressionable like that. I mean, he didn't express himself. Right. You just knew. Yeah. Just knew.

SPEAKER_04 25:15

I like that.

SPEAKER_02 25:20

Okay, I. Yeah. Knock it out. Would you rather know why this happened or know what your loved one would want for your future? So why it happened or what your loved one would want for your future.

SPEAKER_03 25:37

I already know why it happened, so I would pick the second option for sure.

SPEAKER_02 25:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:42

I think I know why it happened too, so I would have to pick the second one.

SPEAKER_04 25:46

Okay. Viddy. I want to know why. Don't ever call me that again.

SPEAKER_01 25:51

What'd you call her?

SPEAKER_02 25:53

Viddy? Viddy said? She's not allowed to call me that. Really? She'll like it. But she calls me all sorts of stuff.

SPEAKER_03 25:59

Man, I thought your name was Victoria for so long. Vic? Yeah. No. No. I was like, why is everyone calling her Vitty? I'm like, it's Vicky, you idiots. These people don't know anything.

SPEAKER_02 26:13

I just said her, but I fucking know her name's Victoria.

SPEAKER_04 26:15

Victoria. Yeah, I don't want to know why. Because I don't know why. Yeah. Most people don't know why.

SPEAKER_01 26:24

Well, I mean, you guys know why.

SPEAKER_03 26:25

In her situation, I'd pick why.

SPEAKER_01 26:27

Yeah, I think I want to know why. I mean, I say my dad died when he died. I mean, it was three and a half years. He died when he died because he lived in Saginaw. My brother lived in Kalamazoo. There was no way that my dad would have been able to drive to Kalamazoo and care for him.

SPEAKER_02 26:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:49

And he would have felt bad. And my brother died because him and my dad never had a relationship. And now they get to build that together.

SPEAKER_02 27:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:02

It's a good way to look at it. Yeah. Yep. But it took you a while to come to that, or is that like a big thing? Yeah, oh yeah. That's not like uh instantaneous kind of thing.

SPEAKER_01 27:13

Yeah. I told I told my mom that um my brother got sick and was gonna die because my dad needed a fishing buddy. And she says, Well, or I said he needs his fishing buddy back. And she said, Well, I could be his fishing buddy and be there. I said, Mom, you guys were divorced like 50 years ago. Dad doesn't want you up there with family. No, he doesn't want you to get a fishing buddy.

SPEAKER_02 27:39

Yep, solid.

SPEAKER_04 27:44

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 27:45

Oh, my goodness.

SPEAKER_04 27:46

That ended very abruptly. Okay, these are like lighter.

unknown 27:53

Pause first again.

SPEAKER_02 27:55

Alright, the lighter questions.

SPEAKER_04 27:59

Would you rather your loved one haunt you by hiding your keys or changing the TV channel?

SPEAKER_02 28:05

No. It better be the TV channel because I will look forever for those freaking keys. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 28:11

TV. Yeah. I lose my keys enough.

SPEAKER_02 28:14

I don't need help.

SPEAKER_04 28:15

Is it my key that I had lost? Or I threw in the trash?

SPEAKER_02 28:19

Yes, and you just and I forgot about that.

SPEAKER_04 28:23

Yep. I couldn't find my key for the longest time. Right? I threw it in the trash.

SPEAKER_02 28:30

But somehow you knew it was in the trash.

SPEAKER_04 28:32

Well, I didn't. I kept trying, like I took my clothes hamper outside to the car. Because you know how you can just like when you're close to it, you just can push the button. So I like was taking things by the car to see if it was like in the clothes hamper and this. Well, it ended up being in the trash. And so I just kept the trash bag in my trunk for like I don't know. A week or two, at least. Like a week or two because I knew the key was in the bag.

SPEAKER_02 28:54

The key was in there, so the car started.

SPEAKER_04 28:57

I didn't want to have to like go through the trash because I feel like I remember this story. I don't. This was before group, but I might have.

SPEAKER_02 29:04

Yeah, so don't touch your keys.

SPEAKER_03 29:05

Maybe it was just your license that was in your trunk the whole time. Oh yeah. That's kind of license, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:14

Would you rather they communicate through songs on the radio or flickering lights? Songs. Songs. Oh no, I want the lights.

SPEAKER_03 29:21

No, that sounds fucking scary.

SPEAKER_04 29:23

No, let me know you're there. Oh no, I want the lights. You're scary, bro.

SPEAKER_02 29:30

This is why she lives alone right now. Yeah, right. Oh my god. Do you want me to read it? Which one? The next one? Would you rather smell their perfumer cologne randomly or hear their favorite song every day?

SPEAKER_03 29:49

I don't know. Scents get me. I smell my dad's deodorant that he left on the cabinet, and I freaking lost my shit.

SPEAKER_04 29:57

I still use Chris's deodorant just because of the smell.

SPEAKER_03 29:59

Aren't you scared you in a ramp? Or like you buy me once? Okay.

SPEAKER_04 30:03

Never mind.

SPEAKER_01 30:07

I'd go for song. My dad hated smells. I hated them. Like if I used perfume or whatever, he would complain.

SPEAKER_04 30:15

Well, the only distinct smell I have is the deodorant because I can't do sense either. So the poor guy, like. He's like, I can't wear call on. No, you fucking can't. Sorry.

SPEAKER_02 30:27

Make you rest in peace. Jeez.

SPEAKER_04 30:31

What's she trying to say?

SPEAKER_02 30:34

Alright, would you rather have them appear in every dream or always feel them beside you during important moments?

SPEAKER_03 30:40

Dream.

unknown 30:41

Important.

SPEAKER_03 30:43

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 30:44

I don't remember my dreams, so why would I want them? Fair enough.

SPEAKER_02 30:49

Yeah, important moments. All that weed she smoked in her lifetime. Me, no. Damn. Ina, you wanna go? We can get up and go now.

SPEAKER_04 31:00

We're almost done. Would you rather have your loved one choose your outfit for a day or your playlist for a road trip?

SPEAKER_01 31:10

Playlist. My dad had no taste, and my brother, he was no. He lived back in the 80s. We didn't want to go there. Fair enough.

SPEAKER_03 31:20

My parents have good music taste, so I picked that. But the clothing thing reminds me of this one time my mom insisted that I had this shirt she was looking for, and she said that if she found it in my closet, I had to wear whatever she picked for me to wear to school the next day. Thank God she didn't find the freaking shirt. I was scared. You're a lucky. She's gonna put me in something weird. Yep. Probably dress me just like her to be honest.

SPEAKER_04 31:46

Yeah, I'm picking playlists for that one because he would dress me up in some minimal clothing. Exactly. Alright. Would you rather eat their favorite meal every week or watch their favorite movie every month?

SPEAKER_03 32:04

Meal. Meal. I tried to watch the Titanic and I just couldn't get through like the intro because it was my boy, my mom's favorite, like most watched movies. Yeah, I couldn't do it. I love Titanic.

SPEAKER_04 32:17

You've never seen it. Shut the actual fuck up. Chris didn't either.

SPEAKER_01 32:22

I made him watch it with me. Nope. I've started to watch it a few times. Same thing with Forrest Gump. I just can't do it. I've never watched Forrest Gump.

SPEAKER_03 32:28

Bro, you guys never feel like it's like a box of the game. It's been a long time. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 32:33

But the word meal reminds me of a memory. Do we want to hear this? Yeah, this one's not bad. So I don't know where we were, like, ordering food through the speaker. And Chris said something about a meal. Like, but for whatever reason, he said meal as in mill. So he was like, Yeah, like, do you have this mill? And the dude, like, the dude was being an asshole because you clearly, like, it's a food break. Like, you know, he's talking about a meal. And the dude on the speaker was like, What? And Chris was like, a mill. And he was like, what? And after like three times, the dude goes, Oh, a meal. Oh my god. Straight up, just like that in the speaker. And Chris looked at me. He's like, we gotta go. He's gonna spit in our food.

SPEAKER_02 33:23

You can't.

SPEAKER_01 33:26

And I'm like, like you knew. Yeah. Right. Oh, a meal. Yeah. But they were behind the scenes laughing.

SPEAKER_03 33:33

Oh yeah, they were having a good old time. Me and my dad went to McDonald's one time. We used to go late night at like uh freaking midnight for ice cream or something. And uh we got ice cream Sundays, and she was like, hold on, let me go grab your nuts. And he's like, they're right here. Take me home. I don't even want the ice cream anymore.

SPEAKER_02 33:55

And we're done.

SPEAKER_04 33:56

You always get embarrassed because I order nuts with extra nuts because I feel like each bite should have nuts real. Like after you're done, like wait, whatever mine just got all of this. Like, you know what I mean? Like you gotta dip it in the nuts. I like Kirk does it. Okay, we're gonna have a couple more.

SPEAKER_02 34:17

Oh god, okay.

SPEAKER_04 34:19

But they're it's kind of like it comes back to kind of like reality now, just to wrap things up. Um, you're stressing me the actual fuck out. Is it the feet swinging? No, you're both doing it. So my thank you very much. Um how has Grief Group changed your healing?

SPEAKER_01 34:48

Well, first of all, we got this one. He changes your healing, don't you, my friend?

SPEAKER_03 34:54

You wanna go? Yeah, it's made it easier because I don't feel as lonely.

SPEAKER_02 35:00

You feel like more understood by people.

SPEAKER_03 35:03

Yeah, surrounded by more people. Because I had like a group of maybe like three close people. And now I have like a group of however many people show up every Wednesday that also feel the same.

SPEAKER_01 35:17

Yeah, I uh I think it has made the whole process easier because I don't feel like anything that I'm feeling or doing or saying is totally out there. Like everyone has done that at one point or another. It makes it easier.

SPEAKER_04 35:43

Why does community matter?

SPEAKER_03 35:51

I'm gonna go back to the loneliness thing. It makes you feel less alone.

SPEAKER_01 35:56

You know, they say it takes a village and it really does. It really does.

SPEAKER_04 36:05

We can end this one. What is one thing you've learned from someone else's grief that has stayed with you? Or something that they've said or pull something good out of my depression room. No, I don't. The million dollar question. What's one thing that you've learned from someone else's grief that has stayed with you?

SPEAKER_01 36:39

Something they've said, something I think mind goes back to yesterday with the you had the strength to walk away, now keep walking. You know, and then you had the strength to push through the grief, the walking away, the grief again. Just keep pushing, just keep walking, just keep swimming.

SPEAKER_00 37:09

I was like, Oh yeah, yeah, we say that in a group.

SPEAKER_03 37:14

Um, this lady at my work, she uh stops me in the hallway every once in a while. I don't think she remembers that she said it to me before, so she'll keep saying it. And she always tells me that we don't have to die with them. That our life can doesn't have to end because there's it. So I think about that sometimes. Interesting. Yeah, I like that one.

SPEAKER_01 37:37

Oh, that reminds me, and I had told them at group we were playing like open questions, like kind of like we are. With the boys, a couple weeks ago I was, and one of the questions was if you could change anything about your parent, what would it be? Well, of course, the six-year-old had his answer, which makes sense, and the eight-year-old hit had his answer, which made sense. And I said, Well, I know what mine would be. Braden says, I know what yours would be. And I said, What's that? And that's the eight-year-old. He said, You would wish that your that Pa was on earth and not in heaven. And I said, You're right, I would. And then later that night Lucas called. Well, Kelsey called me, but Lucas, and he said, Grandma, I'm happy Pa's in heaven. Well, Lucas is a Spitfire, so I thought, Oh God, where are we going? Yep. He said, Um I said, Why would you say that? And he said, Because if Pa wasn't in heaven, Uncle Dustin would be there all by himself. And it's like, whoa, where did this six-year-old get a conscience all of a sudden? Yeah. Yeah. But I mean it goes back to everything happens for a reason. And I hold on to that every single day. Yep. For sure.

SPEAKER_04 39:01

Well, would you add Vit It's okay to be okay? Who taught you that?

SPEAKER_02 39:07

I knew it.

SPEAKER_04 39:09

It really it it changed things.

SPEAKER_02 39:11

Stuck with you, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 39:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:13

Yeah. Yep. Because you didn't feel you could be okay.

SPEAKER_04 39:16

Maybe that'll be my next tattoo.

SPEAKER_02 39:19

As long as it's not like my face, the serenity logo, my name.

SPEAKER_04 39:26

It's okay to be okay. Dash Jen.

SPEAKER_03 39:30

Niffer.

SPEAKER_04 39:33

That's what I was waiting on. The niff.

SPEAKER_02 39:38

Please no. Nipper says. I get to pick the location.

SPEAKER_04 39:44

No, you're gonna put some of that can't be seen.

SPEAKER_03 39:48

Put the by the niffer and then put it on your butt. You're like butt niffer. That was a Lucas joke.

SPEAKER_04 40:01

And that's a wrap.

unknown 40:03

Butt nipper.

SPEAKER_00 40:05

She's like, What?

SPEAKER_04 40:09

No, I bet we fucked it up.

SPEAKER_02 40:12

What'd you say? I guess we could have done that every other time, but we didn't. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:20

Are we still recording? That's a wrap for the therapist and the wild card. One of us brings the therapy and the other brings the chaos. Together, we'll be back with more laughter, healing, and everything in between.