11. Choosing an Aligned Community: Your Soul Knows What It Desires

Have you wondered why you read all the self help books, do the affirmations or make the vision board and you still revert back to old unconscious patterns that don't serve the version of yourself you desire? It's a choice. Community is part of the accountability and support, especially when it's the aligned like-hearted community.

Your soul already knows what it desires. If you are ready to take action, I would love to have you in my new community! I live as I guide, and I can't wait to start the next group of mamas soon! Are you ready to invest in yourself?

-You get to choose

-Trust is your path

-An aligned community is your support

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Transcript

Sarah Swift 0:21

Welcome to the Integrative Mother Experience Podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Swift, mother of three teenagers. I want to have conversations about why so many mamas wearing multiple hats, working, serving others, or owning a business, especially in the beauty industry, feel like they need to choose between their work and their family. We'll also uncover common causes of overwhelm, lack of wellbeing, and joy. I am here with over three decades of experience working in the beauty industry, owning several types of businesses, starting in my twenties, and sharing stories to help other mothers avoid the feeling of always missing out. Time is a asset. We can't get back. I can't wait to dive into these deep conversations. I hope you will join me. Welcome back, my beautiful Mamas. Today's episode is about being in a supportive community, and we are going to talk about why it's a choice and the things that we want to draw closer, like trusting and like hearted people around us, not necessarily having to have the same viewpoints. But also the things that we don't want, which is the unconscious patterns that people keep reliving and things like gossip and how that can be just so destructive and people may not even realize they're doing it. So let's begin. start out by just saying, I know that when I've been myself in an unconscious pattern or reflected back and very often when I'm around it, I really notice it and I've noticed it from a very young age. I'm just to the point now that I notice it all the time, even more deeply because of the work that I've done on myself. And so it's not blaming, it's just the noticing. And the word unconscious means people aren't doing it on purpose. It's not who they truly are. It's a reactive pattern. It's likely something called their ego. And knowing this just really helps, I think, to give more compassion. And I find that that's what's really needed, whether it's for yourself or for others. Examples might be negative comparing and people bashing. Again, gossip is in this conversation, and we all know the phone game, something gets said, it gets repeated to another person. Words get changed, interpretations are different, and suddenly the story grew into something that was so far away from the original event or comment that it just becomes this negative event that it didn't need to be, and so that's where consciously choosing really comes in. I know that sometimes feelings of bitterness occur from situations like this, and I feel like that can really be avoided. I talked a little bit about my human design in another episode. Which I did mention I will go deeper into in the future and I will, but again, I just, I wanna repeat that my own profile, my human nature given to me, by God, is a practical problem solver. And I have this pull naturally, and I definitely have noticed that it hasn't always been received well, and that was really hard for me in so many situations, but now that I'm aware of it and I understand that my intentions are clear to me, they're not always clear to everybody else. And although I may think that I am being clear, it may be the person or people receiving the message, it might be where they're at at that moment. Or it might be my communication, it could be either one, and it's just something to note about yourself when you're going through this journey of trying to be the best that you can be and looking at yourself first. And that's really what I like to do, is I like to be the example by really striving every day. And I don't even know if I like the word striving. I actually don't like the word striving. I'm going to say by really choosing. That's really what I'm here to do. I'm here to choose. And the other part of my human design just naturally is it's, the cross of observation and that is for deep impact. And that makes complete sense to me because I do want deep impact and I do care very deeply. I have an emotional authority and I've always been very sensitive to energy and the energy just of a room or the people around me. I notice it and I'm drawn towards or away from certain situations or people because of it and it's just something that I'm aware of now, and I embrace it because we are all made differently and that's a good thing. And so that being said, the past is the past and the future is what it is. I don't know what tomorrow's gonna bring or even what five minutes from now is going to bring. So all I can do is live in the moment the best that I can. And just sometimes I think because of my own wanting to practically solve things, it's just what I do in situations is, I see a problem and I want to fix it. And I definitely have noticed that sometimes the hard conversations that I want to have aren't received. And it's allowing the others, the opportunity that the issue can be solved, the conversation can be had, or I can just accept that that's not where they're at and they're not open to it, and that's hard. And it is just part of being in human relationships. And so what I'm here to do, helping others, is just to really ask you to reflect, how am I being and am I open to seeing all the aspects of a situation, or am I perpetuating something like gossip or adding details or holding back details and then feeling bitter about a situation and is that actually helping? Or would it just be easier to release my feelings even if they're anger, just like let them out. You don't have to let them out in front of someone or direct it towards someone, but you can certainly find ways to just release that anger that you have in the moment, if that's the feeling that you're feeling. Or maybe it's fear. Maybe you're just really afraid and you don't want to be vulnerable. And it could even be something like you're ashamed. Maybe you realized after a situation, or you reflected back and you felt ashamed. And that's a very human feeling as well, and it's part of the experience. I think that we all have to realize that nobody's perfect. We're all trying the best we can, and giving compassion for yourself and for others is really important. My husband and I were at a mass, at a really beautiful basilica this past weekend, and that was actually part of the sermon. It was even said first, you need to make sure if you are healing, that you're forgiving yourself, along with forgiving others. And I had already truly believed this and it was really nice to have it reinforced because I do believe that holding on to things that are negative can compound. And then it can cause things in our bodies, or it can cause us to react in a way that isn't helpful. It's not helpful to who you're being and to those around you. It's not a good example to others, and so it's not solving a problem at all. And sometimes we just have to feel uncomfortable, and I am willing to do that. I'm willing to feel uncomfortable because I'm willing to be vulnerable, and I'm willing to be authentic and just ask for what I need, to say what's on my mind, even if it's uncomfortable, because I feel like it's the best way to not wonder, and I just want to move on. I, I'm up to really big things and I don't want to, quote unquote, waste my time dwelling on anything or trying to undo somebody else's reactivity. I am just so beyond that right now, and I don't want it. I want to be around people with a healthy nervous system and people that know how to release their emotions and not just push them down and allowing themselves to actually feel what they're feeling. And then let's move forward. So I'm drawing the line in the sand, and my line is I will no longer self-sabotage. And so the communities that I want to be part of and the community that I am trying to build with this group of moms that will be hopefully here to uplift each other and to be like-hearted, whether they have different opinions or goals or mindsets. It's about supporting each other and having that compassion for each other, that we're all here on a human journey and align relationships form that way, and the unhealthy ones can even repair. Asking God why, it doesn't really make you understand any better. And it was interesting because I was reading this morning during my daily meditation, from author Joel Osteen. He was talking about stop waiting. So I love this. It was let go of the past and it was about a man that had been crippled for over 38 years, and he was hoping for a miracle. And it was interesting too because he talked about how the unforgiveness, or holding onto the past resentments was really basically holding this man back from being healed. And I liked the fact that I used my problem solving in natural, ways of doing things, and I didn't know this throughout my life. It's more aware to me now, but I do have tools in my toolbox of what I can do when I feel like I don't understand and I don't know why this is happening, and some of my tools are, I pray for the intention of the other person or other people. I love that one. It, it just feels really good and I'm putting good intentions out for them and then just letting God take over from there. And then owning a hundred percent of my own part of the situation. So I do realize that there are situations that I may have not had any contribution to, but most often there's some contribution of both people, most often. So, I want to go into a situation and have a conversation and own my part. I want to be kind. I want to be forgiving, and I don't want to consider myself ever a victim. And beyond that, it's not all up to you and it's all up to me. Do your part and then keep moving forward and give others that opportunity. That's really being the person that's ready to solve a problem and to grow in a community, giving others the opportunity to own their part and not to, to be sitting in blame and allowing things to be healed. So let's let it be healed. Let's all try to be healed. Why do we even thrive better when we're in a community? I think this is a really good question that we can all ask ourselves, if you're in a community now or if you've been in a community in the past or maybe you never have been. So I will tell you some examples. The work is not a one and done. This is my experience. It's not like you just have a vision from a self-help book or a vision board that you make or a post-it note affirmation that you look at daily and then it's done. All the work is done. It's about support, accountability, a vision of what's even possible. So surrounding yourself with people that are like hearted, that are showing you what's possible and you're showing them what's possible. You're lifting each other up and, what got you here won't get you there. I love this saying because the version that you are today hopefully isn't the version that you were decades ago or even yesterday. If we're here to do big things and to be the best people that we can be, to be the example, we're not going to be the version that we were before. And if people are noticing that you're changing, and it's perceived in a negative way, it's really likely because the person that's seeing it in a negative way is in a comfort zone and they're not willing to do it for themselves. But keep moving forward because you are the example and you're showing others what's possible, and that's a good thing. God has promised to turn the emotional wounds around and then use them to your advantage, and you will come out better than you would have had they not happened. That was something else from my morning reflection, and I love that. Wow, that's a big part of the trust that I have, if that's true. And I just want to say, I am here to be seen and loved, but not just for fake likes, not for the social media like, or the pretend small, maybe I don't want to say small talk, but the feeling that you get when you're in certain situations where you just feel like maybe there's something unresolved or maybe there's just something that is about you or about some of the people in the group that are just not aligning, and that's okay. We don't need to be deep with everyone, but for me, going deep with my relationships and not going wide for the general, I want to be liked by everyone is part of the bless and release that the old version can let go. I am not here for that anymore. And. Where you're going, if you're going in a direction of being an example for your children and showing them what it's really like to live out your soul's purpose, what it's really like to have hard conversation and to resolve bitterness and to resolve maybe situations in your family, in your workplace, in friend circles or your community, you let things go in a direction that could have been resolved better at the time. It's time to step up and be the example, and that's what I'm here to do, and that's what I challenge all of you to do. I really like this thing as well. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about dancing in the rain. I mean, there's always going to be something, and granted, some of the storms are bigger than others, and some people experience bigger situations seemingly than others, but maybe that's what actually makes them move. I really wonder when I look back on some of the big traumas and events in my life, what I would've done if I would've stayed in the comfort zone. And because I do look at them now as lessons, and I've really tried to learn from them, and I really work on being the person that I want to be now and releasing that past version and not worrying about, oh my goodness, is this going to happen again? I don't want to live in the fear either. I was at an event last night and I loved it because. It was an art event and in my group, many of you may have noticed if you joined my reset and renewal journal experience or if you've just seen some of my branding, that I have peonies in some of my branding elements. And this is not just because I think peonies are beautiful. But like the art event that I was at last night, it was asked of the students to do artwork that had to do with the meaning of flowers. And one of my children had several pieces of beautiful artwork, and I took the time to actually have her explain to me what the flowers represented, and the most recent one just made a hundred percent sense. They all made sense, honestly, but the most recent one, you know, just is where she's at right now in her life with some of the things she's experienced, and I loved hearing the story behind the flowers I saw in front of me and what the drawing actually represented, it made sense. This is an outlet. It's a form of creativity. When you're able to draw, when you're able to mold, when you're able to dance, when you're able to just take a walk in nature, whatever your creative outlet is because you're letting your emotions heal and you're letting flow happen. And when people are trapped in these cycles of unconscious patterns, they're not letting that happen. And just knowing how good it feels, I just want that for everybody. I want to be the example. I want to guide and the peonies just for your reference, and they represent a lot of things, but the course that I've built with the elements of five foundations, is Holy Spirit led, and the peony is a representation of the love of God and Holy Spirit. It's about healing and compassion, and they're often used also in bridal bouquets because they signify a happy marriage, honor, and they're used to convey deep emotions, well wishes, the presence of the Holy Spirit. And it's interesting because they actually bloom in coincidence with Pentecost, and I love this. In China, they're known as the king of flowers, and they represent prosperity, good fortune, and even bashfulness. I can relate to all of these things. The bashfulness growing up, I was the wallflower. I, I liked to be noticed in small groups. I will say it that way, but I never wanted to be the one that was the loudest or in front of everybody. I was always about the deep connections and so I would be a bit shy in situations and I can relate to that. And again, I just, I think back to previous, conversations that I've had in my other podcasts. It's so wonderful to see all the designs that God has given different human beings because it makes it interesting. We're not all designed the same way. We're not all here to do the same thing, and that's a good thing if we can trust that everybody has their own path and stop, you know, trying to put everybody in the same box of having to be the same way. I think that we can really appreciate that difference. And knowing that knowledge and skills only get you so far, that's something for me that's been huge. Human behavior is such a huge variable, and just knowledge alone. You can get a self-help book, you can get tons of knowledge from the internet. Knowledge is available everywhere. You can sign up to learn better skills and then practice and you're likely going to get practice if you keep doing something over and over again. You may not, be meant to be an Olympian, but chances are if you practice a skill over and over, you're going to get better. But because I'm here to find out what I'm actually here to do and what is the best use of my time, and how can I serve the best? What I know is that I can't serve well when there's pushback. So I have to be the creator of my own life, and that's what I've done and that's what I've built in my course. And if you want to join this community and you're not wanting to do it on your own, and you really want to be a part of something that has a bigger purpose. I urge you to go to my website, the integrative mother experience.com and sign up for my email list, which is where you'll get all of my latest offers. And I do have some exciting things coming up at the end of May, so I don't want you to miss out on that. I have a trip coming up in a couple weeks from now, it's my second trip down to San Antonio, Texas for a community that I'm in called XClub. Why am I investing in it? Because I want to surround myself with people that challenge me and people that are up to big things. And it's an invite only, and I am so excited to go. I can't wait to reconnect with some people that I already know and to meet new people. I love that. And I'm here for it. And the other salon owners in the room are definitely up to big things, whether they're educators, whether they're large salon owners, or whether they're serving one-on-one situation. similar to me. I'm in a salon studio, so when I'm behind the chair, I'm working one-on-one with my guests, and I noticed that when I invest in a community, I'm investing in myself, and that's how I created my course as well. It's because I want to work with other moms that want to invest in themselves. They don't want to do it on their own, and my podcast is the same, I'm supporting the community. So before I started this podcast, what did I do? I signed up for education that would teach me how to create a podcast. But I also chose one on purpose that had a community. And guess what, out of that community, I have a group of beautiful women that, we support each other on a very regular basis. We have a weekly meetup on chat, and we often have messages almost every day. And that's the same as my salon group, back from 2020. We do meet up actually monthly in person, a small group of us, but we message almost daily as well. And several of us are going down to San Antonio again in a couple weeks. And we all have very different lifestyles and businesses and that supports each other. We help each other get out of the resistance, and that's part of the advantage of being in a community, because if you could do it all on your own, you'd be there. You wouldn't need the community and the mindset. It's just so interesting too, because when you have that push, when you need it, when you're being resistant, but then also the encouragement for the wins that you've had, that feels so good. It is really amazing just to see what other people are doing and sometimes you don't even realize they're noticing what you're doing. In one of my groups this week, they all congratulated me for something I didn't even know that they actually saw, and it was just, it was so kind. And I'm attracted to groups of people that are like hearted because of that kindness and encouragement. So. Think about that when you're choosing whether or not you're going to invest in something, whether it's an experience or it's a community, some kind of education. Maybe it's your health. Maybe you just don't feel like you can spend the money outside of something that your insurance pays for. Well, I talk about that a lot in my course. I have deep financial investment in the way that I have helped my wellness journey and the way that I continue, and that is just part of my foundation and I believe in it, and also not getting sidetracked. So when you're completely in a vision of what you want for your life and you notice that there's something or someone that repeatedly pulls you away from that, and it takes your purpose and it derails your efforts. So I'm at a point where I'm really clear about what I want and not everybody around me is always clear on what that is. And so I have to repeat that sometimes, and I am working on that right now. I'm actually in both of my businesses wanting to be more clear about my offers, and I'm focusing on what I'm here for. So you'll see that if it's not listed, I am not offering it. It, it's not what I'm here to do. It's not what I'm best at. It's not what my heart desires it. It's not my soul's purpose. So with being clear, it's interesting because that's how I want to build. I want to build deep, not wide. I'm here to be intentional, not scattered. And I want to show other mothers what's possible so we can repeat what we can genuinely show how much we care for others when we step up and we're the example of living that way because that's what we say that we desire. And in my salon business, I don't offer very many services. I'm very, very niched. I am growing my business with my course, and I am only behind the chair currently, two days a week on average. And when I'm there, it's extremely intentional. I'm there to do what I feel I like the most. I really like having that transformation of the gray blending and not just the quick fix of just let's cover your roots, let's just, I hate the term when people say, throw some highlights in. It just seems so unintentional and I'm not here for it, that's just not me. I've talked about on other episodes about, I'm not here to be a barber. I'm not here to learn just a few things. in the haircut world, and then just do them repeatedly, all day long, as I'm here to do what I enjoy most, which is dimensional coloring. And I love the creative mixing of the different pigments and seeing the different tones of the different dimensions in the hair. I love the results. I think it looks more natural, and I really like that my guests can go longer in between appointments. I myself have it, and I love not having to color my hair as often, and I get compliments on my hair color often. I actually have one of the stylists that I know doing my hair color next week, and I'm super excited to be the guest in her chair so that I can have my dimensional gray blending done. And I'm just not offering the quick in and out because I also have wellness aspects, added to my salon services, which I feel aren't an add-on, they're just part of it. They're necessary. That's why one of the treatments that every guest has when they're in my chair, it's called the exhale, and I named it that because I was noticing when I started doing it, people that were talking a lot, or even if they were silent, I would oftentimes hear them just get really quiet and then do that exhale. I thought this is something, whether they want it or not, there's a benefit here, and I know the benefits behind the actual treatment because of the way that I was trained to do it. And I don't necessarily need to go into all the aspects of that. It's just part of what I offer and it's a renewal practice, and I want to work with guests that want to receive that from me. So it's not about just adding something on another layer, it's about I'm giving you a wellness service while we're also doing a transformation on your hair. And I want to also have a deep conversation with you or just be the listener that you might need today, and that feels really good. Those aligned relationships go deep, and I really enjoy that, and I want to go deep with my moms in my course as well. I want it not to be a quick fix, because again, people can just do things on themselves, If they just want a vision board or an affirmation that they can look at in the mirror every day. I want to work with moms that have a deep desire for something bigger. They want a community with deep aligned relationships and deep conversations that they're going to allow themselves to call you out on your patterns or your resistance, and you're going to help others as well, just naturally. And because this is a process and a journey and hopefully a transformation, you're allowing yourself to be available in the present moment. Because if you're not worrying about the past and the what ifs of the future, then it's just an entirely different choice. Yesterday I actually finished a training in one of the course communities that I'm in, and I started to build my new AI assistant, and you're not too old to do new things. I just truly believe that, there's too many tasks that I don't want to do anymore, and because I have a shift happening right now with two businesses, and I'm going to really refine and move forward with what I desire this next year. Then, I have to make decisions that maybe don't always feel good to everybody, but it's for the purpose of what I'm here to do and to have the joy experience of my life that I want. And giving tasks that I don't enjoy away feels really exciting, and it'll be a process because this can't be built overnight. But I have now the knowledge and the skills to do it, and I had the support of a community walking me along that journey. So to me that's worth it. I'm willing to invest in those things. I'm not just jumping from course to course, to just keep learning. I'm doing it to actually implement and to be supported in a community, and I live what I teach. I have compassion for those that don't choose themselves. I really do. I have compassion for myself as well, and I regularly have to regulate myself because I'm human, but I'm so aware of my patterns and what I need to remind myself of that at this point, I'm going to go over the takeaways, and number one is it's a choice. So if you want to be living a different life and you want to prioritize what that choice is going to be, look at it that like that. Look at it like it is a choice. I can decide, I can draw that line in the sand. And then the other takeaway is the benefits of a community, of an aligned like-hearted group of women that can support you for a better experience, because it's not just about getting to the finish line. We're constantly here to hopefully improve our experience. And so the journey along the way is part of it. And I just don't resonate with the preaching from others that don't live the example. And they just don't even recognize their own mistakes or patterns. I choose my soul's purpose daily, and that includes freedom. I choose wisely in all the areas of my strong foundation. And so before I go to the third takeaway of the day, I just want to include some questions in one of my meditations today from one of the groups that I'm in, this is in this Abundant Life course, and C athy has my choosing my ego or my soul, my choosing fear or faith. And remember, this is my third takeaway, so this is where I'm going with this. I said in earlier episodes that trust is the intention behind my word of the year, which is joy. So if you think about that, then force or alignment, I'm not going to force myself to be anything that I am not feeling aligned with. I want to be my best, and so I'm choosing that. I'm not going to force anyone to do anything. You get to choose that for yourself. You get to allow yourself to choose. Only you know what your desires are, and that's what I'm going to leave you with. Have a blessed day. Thank you so much for joining me today. If you found this episode helpful, please follow or subscribe to the Integrative Mother experience on Spotify, apple Podcast or wherever you listen, so you're notified about the new episodes coming up. Please also take the time to leave me a review. This really does help me. I would love to see your beautiful faces. If you want to take a screenshot of this episode, I would love it. Take me on Instagram or Facebook at time with Sarah Swift, period between the word time on Instagram, so then I can reshare your post. You can also start today by grabbing my free checklist and check out some of my favorite things on my website, the integrative mother experience.com. Until next time, my beautiful mamas, thank you so much.