18. Resistance to Receiving: Your Joy is Waiting in Escrow For You

Do you struggle receiving as a mom and service industry provider because you are conditioned to feel you are here to only give? This common feeling creates resistance to change and the gift of fully receiving the joy waiting for each of us in escrow.

Take Aways:

-Feeling safe to fully integrate for your well-being, family and business roles

-Choosing a guide on the other side to help you with a framework and community to develop a practice

-Being able to receive help with your new practice to create lasting change and eliminate the cycle of overwhelm and feeling of missing out

Resources for this episode:

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"It's always time to choose joy & fulfillment," just for Mamas like you that own a business/work in a service industry

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Transcript

Sarah Swift 0:10

Welcome to the Integrative Mother Experience Podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Swift, wife of 28 years and mother of three teenagers. I want to have conversations about why so many mamas wearing multiple hats, working and serving others, or owning a business, especially in the beauty industry, feel like they don't have enough time and that they need to choose between their work and their family. We'll also uncover causes of overwhelm, lack of wellbeing, and joy. I am here with over three decades of experience working in the beauty industry, owning several types of businesses starting in my early 20s, and sharing stories along with solutions to help other mothers avoid the feeling of always missing out. Time is an asset that we can't get back. I can't wait to dive into these deep conversations. I hope you will join me. Welcome back, beautiful mamas. Today's episode is about resistance to receiving. This is something that I think a lot of you still struggle with, being moms and being in a service industry, whether you're serving a team in your salon or service-based business, or you're serving guests, and maybe some of you are actually doing both. And having equal receiving to giving is really where we want to be at. It's going back and forth between receiving, so that we are actually able to give from a place of overflow. So let's dive in. So your heart naturally wants to be open, and you will continually feel a desire nudging you. If you're not acknowledging it, it will keep nudging you. And this is something I've found to be true with some of my deepest inner knowings. They just never went away, and decades would continue to pass, and they were still there And then I have some that were surprising, that I didn't really know that I wanted, like this new business. It came to me about two years ago. It wasn't something I had thought about or dreamt of doing prior, but it was really strong, and I knew that I just needed to follow it. I felt this deep knowing that it was coming from God and that it was something that I needed to explore, and so I did. And my resistance to all the things involved in this new business included how am I going to, at this point, running another business, having a household I want to be enjoying, going to learn all these new techy things, learn how to do a podcast, learn how to put together the proper course elements in order to teach my students? It seemed like this overwhelming, crazy idea, but I didn't treat it that way because I let the resistance go. And the reason I was able to do this is because prior to this whisper two years ago, I had already been well, years actually into my healing journey. I had spent several years prior to that building my own foundation. So when it came, even though it felt surprising, I didn't have the resistance and the disbelief that I couldn't do it. So that's the first thing I just want you to acknowledge is that where you're at now and things that may come to you in new seasons, it's not sometimes something that you expect. So being open and not resistant to receiving that nudge or that whisper is step one. And you can ask yourself, what if trying to do all the things keeps you from enjoying what you're actually here and supposed to do in this season? So if you have multiple roles, which I suspect you do, what is it that you really want to enjoy? And are you just piling more things on and not actually pausing to enjoy what's in front of you and feeling like you're just missing out all the time? Then the journey is not being experienced in a positive way. And instead of allowing support and being able to receive it with a strong foundation, be clear on your vision or your why. So that is where I make my decisions from. I know my why, and I'm very clear on my vision. So what it boils down to most of the time is lack of safety, and if we're not feeling safe, the brain has several inputs, and so the cells that speak the loudest get heard, and they get acted on. And if we listen and we practice filtering out the negative messages instead, then the noise can actually die down. So that danger signal that you're hearing and you're reacting unconsciously to it, not even knowing what you're doing or not doing or saying to others or maybe not saying at all, people have different ways of reacting when they are in their danger mode. So I compare it to, like, somebody pulling me under that's drowning, feeling that grasping feel on my body when somebody is in this lack of safety, danger, reactivity, and it's pulling me down, and I understand it because I've experienced it myself. And when your nervous system isn't regulated, you oftentimes don't even know you're doing it until after or maybe you're not even realizing it at all after. It's somebody is telling you that, you know, you reacted in a way that wasn't positive. So I feel that tug of the unregulated nervous system from others and how they react because I no longer am choosing to take it on myself. I just don't want that unhealthy behavior pulling on me. And so my way of choosing is just coming from a completely different place. And I want to be present. I want to be present for myself, my wellbeing, those that I'm trying to serve and help because my heart is called to that, and of course, my family and friends. So when we persist in the efforts to be more conscious, that calm voice of reason that you can hear, it'll grow stronger and you can actually hear it. And what I found is if you want to help and you're not ready to make the change, that having someone to support you and a community of like-hearted people doing the same thing on the same journey is really helping you enjoy the journey and not just trying to race to an outcome. The question I think you have to ask yourself is, "Am I missing out? And am I actually enjoying the journey as I go, or am I just always racing to get to a destination?" And what I've noticed is beautiful people and experiences that keep showing up as I'm able to fully receive, and I'm giving back out of alignment. I recently saw a client of mine on the sidewalk that she herself used to be a hairstylist, and she has now a niece that is a newer hairstylist, so she is only not seeing me because she is supporting her niece and her new business, which makes complete sense. And I just rolled down my window to say hi because I recognized her, and it was so heartwarming because she's such a beautiful person, and we had a nice little conversation. And she had said to me, "I just want you to know," in fact, she said this more than once in our conversation, "Your color was just so good," is how she said it. "You, you just do the best color." And I received that compliment fully because I've heard that over and over and over again in the decades that I've been in the industry, and so I know that that is where my specialty was. And I've taken that to a different niche in the last few years as I had more clients that were trying to blend their gray hair, and I myself was in that position. And I noticed that the type of color that I was starting to offer over and over again had such a beautiful, natural result, and it allows them to go longer in between appointments, which I love. And then when they are in to see me, their appointments are longer because it is an experience, and part of the process for the transformation is several steps that need to happen. And why I'm sharing this is because we can't skip the steps because the result of the transformation just won't be the same. It also won't feel the same to that aligned client that is seeking the wellness experience with me. And so for example, when I do my color process, there's steps that help the integrity of the hair from the color itself. There's certain products that I'm choosing that I, being chemically sensitive, can use on myself without issues, and I believe it's the safest, most natural way to color hair. I believe that the results look the best, and then the at-home care that we talk about and them buying products from me, from a reputable source that aren't old or tampered with from a place like Amazon or second party, where you just have no idea where it's been, is discussed, and we revisit that. So several times a year, if their hairstyle or haircut or color change, we might decide to use different products. All of these things are part of that process, and if we skip these steps, the transformation will not be the same. The results will be very different. And in my new business, that is exactly what happens. I have the foundations in a certain order so that the steps are taken to build upon each other, and you can't race through this. You can't skip the steps because you won't adopt the practice that you need to create the transformation. And I can help by just being the calm source, and I can own what I can offer in both of my businesses to help in acknowledging what steps needs to be taken for the resolution. And I also believe that being in the right community and right presence of the right people makes the experience more enjoyable. And so if you believe that you don't have limits, then you're going to enjoy it even more. You're gonna be there for it. You're going to be present. I'm gonna share a story that many of you may have heard, but when the scientists put the fleas in the jar, and the fleas realized that when they would jump a certain height, even though they could easily jump out of the jar, they would hit their head on the lid that was on the jar, so they adapted. And even when they later took the lid off, they wouldn't jump out. They just thought they were trapped, and it was an invisible self-imposed barrier at that point. So I think that's what a lot of us do, and I've been there. I did this in the past, which is why I am on the other side trying to help now, all you younger moms that are feeling overwhelmed and feeling like you just have to keep repeating the same process over and over again, and there aren't other possibilities out there. Because if you feel safe enough and you are ready to try something new to get a different result, then it's not Groundhog's Day anymore. And you do have to believe in yourself, and you do have to choose the right people to support you. And I personally have done this. I have spent both time and money investment in the right people and communities to support my new visions, and I believe that that is what keeps me growing, and it keeps me believing in what I want to do next for my vision. So the takeaways for today are going to be, number one, if you feel safe to fully integrate your well-being, and you're able then to meet the needs of your well-being and family and friends and all your business roles. That includes being regulated, calm, and centered. Number two, there's just so much noise out there, so if you just keep piling on more things, buying more courses that are just information, and no one's actually there to keep you accountable and actually available to you so that you can have the guidance that you need, then it's just going to continue to slow you down. What I believe in is having a framework so it becomes a practice, and there's accountability. Number three is being able to receive help. So if you're struggling, and you just keep trying to balance everything and pile more things on, then nothing's going to change. You're just going to keep cycling back to the same feelings of missing out and overwhelm. And what I teach is instead, integration. So in my business of the Integrative Mother Experience, it's a guided experience, meaning that you have me there with you to guide you, and you are part of my mom's community of other moms that are in similar business situations with children that can understand and support and guide each other. So if this is something that sounds good to you, you can reach out to me on Instagram at Time with Sarah Swift. Send me a DM. I am open for one-on-one conversations. And you can also go to my website, theintegrativemotherexperience.com, and sign up for my private mom's community. This is my general community that you are welcome to join, and you will be invited to all the experience in the future that I'm offering, and you will get the first information on all of these things by being in this group. I also have a free checklist that you can download and resources that you can look at. So that's where you're going to want to start. I have some really exciting things coming up soon, so I look forward to seeing you in these spaces. And if you have a friend that you think may benefit, please share this with somebody else. That is a gift. Have a blessed day. Thank you so much for joining me today. If you found this episode helpful, please follow or subscribe to the Integrative Mother Experience on Spotify, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen so you're notified about the new episodes coming up. Please also take the time to leave me a review. This really does help me. I would love to see your beautiful faces. If you want to take a screenshot of this episode, I would love it. Tag me on Instagram at timewithsarahswift, so then I can re-share your post. You can also start today by grabbing my free checklist and check out some of my favorite things on my website, theintegrativemotherexperience.com. Until next time, my beautiful mamas, thank you so much.