22. Alignment in Motherhood, Business & Lifestyle: 5 Part Transformation Series

This subject is widely popular right now. I see alignment as thoughts, actions, and lifestyle using your core values, creating harmony. This feels so good. Imagine all these parts working together.

The season we are in currently can give you data. Maybe you are repeating patterns that you aren't aware of. In my community The Integrative Mother Experience, we use a framework building upon each area to create a solid foundation.

Consider what feels good to you and list it. Then list what doesn't feel good. This is data. If you would like more help, I would love to hear from you!

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Transcript

Sarah Swift 0:15

Welcome to the Integrative Mother Experience Podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Swift, wife of 28 years and mother of three teenagers. I want to have conversations about why so many mamas wearing multiple hats, working and serving others, or owning a business, especially in the beauty industry, feel like they don't have enough time and that they need to choose between their work and their family. We'll also uncover causes of overwhelm, lack of wellbeing, and joy. I am here with over three decades of experience working in the beauty industry, owning several types of businesses starting in my early 20s, and sharing stories along with solutions to help other mothers avoid the feeling of always missing out. Time is an asset that we can't get back. I can't wait to dive into these deep conversations. I hope you will join me. Welcome back, beautiful mamas. Today's part four of our five-part transformation series is about alignment. So let's dive into this really popular word right now. I think that we're all hearing alignment really often. It's not a new word, and I want to tell you a little bit about what I've learned about it and my take on it. So here we go. Well, first of all, alignment, meaning the thoughts, action, and lifestyle using your core values, creating harmony is how I see alignment. And I love the word harmony. That to me just It feels so good even just to say the word because it feels like everything is working together. And if you really think about some of the things we've talked about in previous episodes on your thoughts, behaviors, and actions sometimes not being aligned depending upon reactions and where you are- This is, in my opinion, where I want to be, is I want to be in alignment. And with my core values, then it's really speaking to what I believe and what I believe God put on my heart and what my soul was here to do. So I love the quote from Wayne Dyer that he says, "We don't get what we want, we get what we are." It's just such a deep thought when I ponder it, and I think it's so true. So just something to lead with today. What I was noticing as I was thinking about how I wanted to go through this word in our transformation series, because I believe that we're all trying to do the best that we can, and I think that being out of alignment happens often, and then we can get back into alignment, and we can stay there for a period of time, and then sometimes we need a tune-up or a readjustment, if you will. And if we think about it in those terms, it's not just an end result that you may get to someday and then you stay there forever. It's something that you will likely have to come back to. So learning what it is and how to feel that, I think would really help so that you know that when you're not in alignment, it's temporary, and you have the tools to get back to what really does feel good. So with that being said, I am going to talk a little bit about some of the things that I learned from one of my mentors, Cathy Heller, and I think this will really hit home. So she talks about how for some it will always be about scaling and for others deepening. When she talks about creating, for example, in this way it could be a business, it could be relationships, it could be a bunch of different things, but when I think about that, I do think about my business, my lifestyle, and my relationships. And I am the one that's always looking for the deepening. It's how God made me. It's what I desire. And for me, that feels like true alignment. It's not about volume, and it's not about having more. And I guess that's something that you will have to ask yourself, you know, what feels aligned to you? What feels good in those situations? And then you will know where you're best aligned. And in her book, Abundant Ever After, she talks about how success building, it's like a life that feels good to you because it's the balance where you make money doing what you love. And I think we've all heard this. You know, it's not a new concept. But I think very often it's something that can change in different seasons. So maybe you did start out doing something that you really liked, and then you didn't pivot when it wasn't feeling aligned anymore. Maybe you became a mother, and what you had been doing previously didn't work for a variety of reasons. Maybe the income wasn't enough to support your family. Maybe the schedule wasn't aligned with what you wanted for your family. Or maybe you just simply didn't enjoy doing that particular career or job anymore. And for some, it can even be a physical ailment or an injury. In my own case, it was a chemical sensitivity, along with repetitive physical issues from the repetitive motions that I was doing in my previous way of working behind the chair as a hairstylist. So I think there's many examples of this. And if you build a beautiful business that feels like alignment to you, that's really when you're living that life that we're talking about. And why are we here if we're not enjoying our life? What really is the purpose, is what I would ask. And I'm going to quote Cathy when I say, "A belief is standing in your way if you're just trying to- have it keep you safe. So around age six or seven, she talks about how these beliefs are started from people around us in our childhood. And oftentimes it is just a way of staying safe. And that could be like actual physical safety, or it could just be the safety of trying to fit in. And again, this concept I've heard and read a lot about in other sources. I'm just simply, referring to her book right now when I say this, but it's a widely known concept that our belief systems really do start young, and there are patterns, and we have a choice. As we move through our life, we can continue to repeat patterns unconsciously and not even question them, and maybe it is a feeling of safety, or we really feel like that's how we're fitting in. Or we can listen to our body, and we can listen to our desires and our soul calling and notice when things aren't feeling like it's for you. Like maybe this was what worked for somebody else, or maybe this was a belief that my great-grandmother or grandfather had, and it kept getting passed down, and it was just repeated, and nobody was really thinking about it, even though it didn't necessarily work well for the next generation. I think this is really what I'm pondering right now. I'm noticing, and I've spoke to this in a few of my previous episodes during this series, how we're in that Cancer season right now where everything is heating up, and things that may be unsettled that you didn't know may be bubbling up a little bit for you, and it's just simply data. It's, it's data that you may want to pause and just notice And with that being said, I also love this quote that Cathy says, "I am safe to want what I want." So when I think about that, it's so good because that was actually part of our daily meditation this morning, and it seems so simple. Like, of course, why would you not be able to want what you want? But I'm safe to want what I want" is actually what the quote is, and that's what we were asked to ponder. And that is a big one for me, I think, because I really do have strong points of view, both in my values of how I want to live my life, how I want to raise my family, the types of relationships that I want to have, and definitely how I want to run my businesses. And when you have a strong point of view and you feel safe to want what you want, you notice that things start to pivot and change and become more aligned to you, to this life that you are called to live. And it's interesting because when things aren't aligned, you can feel it in that just unsettled, negative way. And when things are feeling really good, you may feel like I do, where I just want more. I'm like, "This is just such a great feeling. I feel so content. I feel so happy. I feel so joyful, and I love this feeling. I just want to bottle it, and I want to feel it more often." So when I think about serving everyone or just serving a select few or having more quality, whatever it may be, in the case of my business, the Integrative Mother Experience, it's more quality time. When I think about what I serve my family for food, it's more quality food because I believe that that is worthwhile. It's a preventative for your wellness journey, and I feel that it will come back later if you aren't investing in things like quality food. Also things like taking time and moving your body and getting the right exercise that works for your body type. This is all something that can make our journey more enjoyable and not just be simply a preventative as well. It's really good for stress reduction and for women in our hormone fluctuations through puberty, pregnancy, and even peri and menopause. We do have fluctuations, and when we have high cortisol levels and a lot of chronic stress running through our bodies, we're not in that state of harmony and alignment. I have a book that I also really enjoy reading and I come back to it often and it's written by someone named Joel Osteen and it's called Your Best Life Now For Moms. And this morning I was-- I went back to the book. I've read it many, many, many times. But I had, opened up to an area where he was talking about how God wants to change us, not a situation. And when I'm feeling unaligned, sometimes I do question, "Why me?" or "Why did this come up? I honestly had nothing to do to contribute with this and it's so heavy and my goodness, why in the world would this happen?" And if you ponder that statement of God wants to change us, not the situation, I think it's really helpful. And he talks about Job in the Bible who was a good man who loved God and in a few weeks' time he lost his business, his flocks and herds, his family and his health. So wow, talk about a major situation, right? That's pretty much everything and Job had faith and he had trust and he ended up getting twice what he had before. That's just such an amazing miracle. I just can't even imagine what he must have been feeling in that short amount of time. That is just so incredible and it's really inspiring when I read it and I think about times when things are really tough and you wonder why and I, I come back to the story and it really does lift me up again. So at the end of this, there is a Bible passage from Peter and I will quote it when I say, "Beloved, do not be surprised at a fiery ordeal among you which comes upon you for your testing as though some strange thing were happening to you." I thought that was perfect because we're talking about a fiery ordeal, and prior we were talking about how we're in that Cancer season right now, and everything is heating up. And it's interesting to me how different things come to me on a daily basis when I'm doing my morning routine, and I'm meditating or praying or picking up one of many books that I have and really just opening up to, a lot of times, just random chapters or areas, and they align together. And I've shared this with a friend that has started doing morning routines as well. And I said, "It's really weird." I will have multiple sources on any given morning from maybe a community that I'm in and what they send me, and like I said, it could be from the Bible, it could be from multiple books that I own or I'm reading from the library, and they match up, and I don't think that's a coincidence. I think that really is such a strong, basically intention for me for the day because it guides me to what I'm going to do moving forward that day. I did share this winter with you that I really enjoy, Patrice Washington does a soul detox every year around her birthday, and I've done it now two years in a row. And some of the things that she taught in her soul detox about alignment, for example, was food and how your blood type can be something that may determine what's aligned for you. And even how people don't even have to be bad to be unaligned is what she talked about. And that's very true, in my opinion. I agree with that a hundred percent. I think we're all human, we're all doing the best that we can, and we do go in and out of alignment. It's the conscious wanting to become aligned that I think is what really matters, and noticing when you're not, and then acting accordingly, owning a hundred percent of your part of that, especially if it involves somebody else. And it's also a question that she asked in there that I just really loved, and she talks about the one thing that you would be willing to lose. And when I ponder that question, it's like the one thing that I'd be willing to lose-- Well, I know the one thing that I would not be willing to lose, and that would be my soul. And so because God is the source of my foundation, and when I get out of alignment, I have tools and people that I can trust so I can get back into alignment, and I know what I need to do to get back on that course. And so what is the one thing that I would be willing to lose? I would say my possessions. I would be much more willing to lose my possessions than my values and my soul because it's just things. Things could come and go in a disaster tomorrow. And I think that there is just so much more to the foundation of who we are at the core than anything material in this world. It's temporary. We're not here forever. We all know that. That's not a secret. And I also just think about some of the things that Peter Crone, will talk about, and it's these narratives that we tell ourselves. And kind of back to that same concept that Cathy Heller talks about in her book, that starting at a young age, we're picking up on these things. And so some of them that I think are really easy to relate to or resonate would be, It's all my fault. I'm not enough." Avoiding conflict, so I would add to that, more of a people pleasing or I just won't say anything, I'm just going to be neutral because I, don't want any conflict. Or it's all up to me. And that one, the last one, I can definitely resonate with all of them to a certain degree, but that it's all up to me, that one hits home really hard because I have this natural sense in me and have for as long as I can possibly remember that I want to fix things. If I feel like something's off, I just want to fix it. And sometimes I'll notice it and I will think, "Sarah, that's not even yours to address. Leave it be." And especially now over the last several years when I'm really conscious of what my values are and how I want to spend my time because quality time is such a huge asset in the lifestyle that I want to live and the example I want to show for my children of what's important, that it isn't our job to fix everything or everyone. Certainly everybody has their own path and God has a purpose on everyone's soul. And if you are in a situation where you feel like you have to address something, you can do that, but you don't have to think that it's all up to you. Everything isn't all up to one person. And that's certainly where I go out of alignment. And I can tell because when I'm out of alignment and I'm trying to fix everybody's issues or demands or desires around me, I get overwhelmed. People very close to me that care deeply and love me will notice it, and now they will call me out on it. And it's such a beautiful thing because I've named it, I've realized it, and I've worked to no longer live in that survival type pattern of unalignment So I hope this episode was helpful. I hope that you can really feel like you know what it feels like in your body, and I'm going to leave you with a little activity. So this is just really easy to do. You can just take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle, and one side can say feels good, and one side can say feels bad. And it's just a noticing. It's just simply writing down items in each category so you know what it is that feels good or feels bad to you, so you can take that data and try to come back to that feeling of alignment. And I did that activity not that long ago, and it really was such a good way to look at it because when I feel, for example, in my feels good list I had when I feel supported And that can mean a variety of things. It can mean from my husband, it can be from my faith community and my church. It can mean from, my extended family. It can mean from people that are here to help me with my health. It can mean people that are here to help me with my children in a variety of ways. Feeling supported is really important to me, and that's on my feel-good list. Following through with my truth, that's something that feels really good to me, and that is part of alignment to me. So it's not agreeing to something that I actually don't agree to, whether that's physically doing something that's just completely out of alignment because I don't want somebody to think that I'm not being helpful or I don't support them. And anyone that really knows my nature and knows me well knows that that is not the case, and I know that about myself. So when you're filling your cup first, which we've talked about in previous episodes as well, you're able to help more from that place, and it has a positive ripple effect. So when you start saying yes to things that aren't aligned, and they might just not be aligned in this month or maybe in this week. Maybe you just had so much on your schedule this week, and your girlfriend said, "Let's go to the beach. Let's put our toes in the sand." And normally, you would love that, and it's just not aligned for this week. That's what I'm talking about. It's like following your actual truth how it is now, and people can respect that, or they can judge you for it. And honestly, that's their own misalignment if that's the case. But I think when you start following your own truth, you'll feel that alignment, and it will be a great example for everybody around you that they can do the same for themselves. And then the last one I just wanted to mention because I just think these are good examples, and you'll have your own of course, but being seen and heard. Even if you don't want to be the one that's the loudest in the room and you don't want to talk in front of a huge group of people, we all have some desire to be seen and heard. And you can be a good listener and still want somebody to be able to hear and see you. So I hope you enjoyed this episode. Share it with a friend if you think it's helpful, and have a beautiful rest of your day, mamas. Thank you so much for joining me today. If you found this episode helpful, please follow or subscribe to the Integrative Mother Experience on Spotify, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen, so you're notified about the new episodes coming up. Please also take the time to leave me a review. This really does help me. I would love to see your beautiful faces. If you want to take a screenshot of this episode, I would love it. Tag me on Instagram or Facebook at timewithsarahswift, so then I can re-share your post. You can also start today by grabbing my free checklist and check out some of my favorite things on my website, theintegrativemotherexperience.com. Until next time, my beautiful mamas, thank you so much.