21. Why does making your own money feel awkward?

There's something weird that happens when you start making money off your own back - especially when you've been an employee your whole life. Maybe it's just me, but I almost feel as though I have to apologise for it!

Transcript

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I'm back again. I've just come off of a 12-hour night shift, and oh my god, I feel so terrible. Night shifts literally destroy me. I've been doing this for over 20 years now, and you would think that I would learn how to get better with dealing with being that tired, and you know, the sleep patterns and the psychology behind it all, but literally, as time goes on, it gets worse and worse. I've seen a lot of people retire when they're you know in their mid-sixties, sometimes 70s, and they are absolutely destroyed by night work because it's it's not natural, is it, to be awake all night and then to come home and in my case not sleep at all to literally come home from work, get in bed, lay there awake for three hours feeling dreadful and like you want to die, and then giving up and then just getting out of bed, cracking on with your day, and going back to work again the following evening and doing the same thing. You're doing that sort of four days plus in a row. Oh my god, it's horrible. I I literally I feel I can feel my brain like falling apart doing this. I don't know how much longer I can keep doing nights for because when I talk to people outside of my job about night work, the they all have the same reaction, they're all kind of like, oh that sounds horrible, and then they just move on with their life because they don't have to deal with it. But when I know every four weeks I'm gonna have to come back to doing this thing that literally makes me feel I can't think of many things in the world that make me feel as bad as working nights, and some some people I know they quite enjoy it. I think especially I know people with young kids and they kind of because they um they don't get any time to themselves ever because they're at home dealing with babies, they love the fact that they get to come to work and have eight hours where there's not even anyone else in the office, they're just alone for eight hours, peace and quiet. But you know, I I work in a a technical job at the minute where I have to be switched on, I have to be analysing circuitry, fault finding, planning things, installing things, gauging things, signing off important things that are safety critical. So I need to be switched on. And when you're that tired, when you've had collectively two hours sleep over a whole week, and not only that, but you're also working in the dark, in the cold, on the railway track, often by yourself, it's like a recipe for disaster, really. It's not it's I it's it's it's amazes me that there haven't been more accidents or you know deaths on the job or problems that have arisen from people working nights because I know that if you're working on the railway then working nights is like a it's like a big deal because the trains are stopped, so that's the only time you can get on the track really and have a decent window to get things done. Oh but the damage it does to your brain and your body, just like your mindset as well. I mean I I I literally get I feel miserable in the whole week running up to where my nights are gonna begin, and then after my nights have finished, like now I've done my last night, now I've got a week off. I'm gonna feel awful for two or three days now, just because I've done these nights. Anyway, though, let's not harp on about how miserable night shifts are. No one enjoys work at the best of times, let alone doing night shifts. So, yeah, my week this week, I've got a week off, and I plan on using it to get things up and running. I want to I want to really build out Lab 63 this week, and one of the most important things I'm gonna do this week is actually getting some new gear, which is it it's exciting and it's necessary because soon I'm gonna start doing these spotlight days. I have a couple booked in, and in these spotlight days, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna take clients to a location that suits their identity and their business needs, and then we'll have a whole half day of shooting. We're gonna get an interview in there, like a documentary-style interview, a podcast episode filmed, and we're gonna do a photo shoot, and we're gonna talk about a creative plan for online, we're gonna talk about a creative direction for these businesses so that they can put themselves out on the internet authentically, and so they can relate to people and showcase what they do. So, in order to do that, I mean I do have more gear than my wife is happy about, but I need a new camera, um, and at the minute I've been doing loads of research this last week, and I think I'm gonna opt for the Sony A7 IV. I've done so much research on this, and I know there's that thing where when you're beginning with a new project, it never pays to be the guy who just goes and buys all the gear, over gears himself out so that he's got no no problems gear-wise, but then to be clueless on how to use it all. I don't want to be that guy. I I need to be someone who's actually switched on and who's actually gonna utilize this gear and get the most out of it. So filming cinematic interviews and being able to draw content from that, all whilst actually directing the interview as well, so that the information they want comes out of it, and trying to do it in a way that aligns with my creative style, my needs, and what I want to bring forward out of it. It's gonna be difficult at first, but I think it's one of those things where the only way you're gonna improve is to actually lean into it wholeheartedly and fail. You're I'm gonna fail, and it's not not nice to think about that, but that's part of it. And in the past, I think I've I've got caught up with prospecting, lead generation, all that kind of stuff, trying to actually sell what I'm doing. But that's hard, especially if you've never done it before. If you're not someone who's used to making sales calls, it feels impossible because you phone people up or you send messages to people or you email them or you WhatsApp message them, whatever. You send you reach out to these people, and for every ten people that you reach out to, you might get one response, you might get no responses. It's not as if you're gonna get nine responses or eight responses, and then some of them might be good, some might be bad. People just ghost you, and it's yeah, I would do the same thing. I think if I if someone reached out to me, cold call in selling a product, even if that thing was really useful for me, I would probably just swipe past it or delete it or just not even think anymore about it. So, this is the thing, isn't it? I think the more that I can actually film myself and put myself online, the more people will see what I'm actually capable of and what I can do and what I can bring to their business, not even just to their business, but to their to their whole world. Because I think having having a way of capturing your story, who you are, and doing it in a way that fits see look seems from the outside to be effortless, that's valuable, and also it's fun. Like I want to do that all the time. I love speaking to people and then opening the doors, getting behind the mask and finding out who they actually are. So, yeah, I'm on a gear shopping spree this week, and it's not gonna be cheap, but things like cameras and audio gear, that kind of thing, they kind of hold their value to a degree anyway. I think it's not as if I'm gonna just splash out all this money on stuff and then that's it, it's done and dusted. A, I'm gonna make money back from actually running the business, which is a bit of a scary concept for me, given that I've been an employee for my whole life so far. And B, you know, I can think you can sell things later on. It's an investment. So yeah. So I'm gonna get loads of new gear this week, and I'm gonna tr I'm gonna when I get this gear, I'm gonna just gonna I'm gonna practice, practice, practice, I'm gonna use it over and over and over and over and over again. I'm gonna try and work out every single function on this camera, and I wanna I want to fail as much as possible, I want to work out all the kinks, work out what to do and what not to do, so that when it comes to the first spotlight day, I'm gonna be much more polished, and I'll be able to deliver for these clients in a way that is gonna serve me moving forwards. So that's my thing, and also this week I'm thinking that I might possibly get my podcast with my wife off the ground, which is I I spoke to her about it uh yesterday, and she was actually really up for it, which I'm kind of surprised about if I'm honest. And I don't I don't know if this is it's one of those things where you have a brilliant idea, and I'm in your head, it sounds perfect. You think this is gonna be so good, people are gonna love this. I would love to listen to this, but then the reality of actually sitting down and filming ourselves, having a really light-hearted conversation, and then chopping that up and putting it out on online for the whole world to see, for all of our friends to see, for all of our family to see, potentially for our employers to see, it does it's scary because I might be happy to put myself out online, but me and my wife it feels more personal, it feels closer, as if it's if there's a protective layer that you put around yourself, it's like it's one step behind that layer, which is uh quite scary. My phone's ringing, I'm gonna come back. Yeah, it feels a lot more personal, it feels like a you know you have that relationship with employees at work. I mean, not all employees, some employees I work with are absolute legends, I'd love to bits, but on the whole, you have a relationship with employees, and you might talk about stuff you've done on the weekend, and you might go a little bit into your world with them, but ultimately they're employees, you want to keep them sort of you want to have a boundary there that you don't want them to come past. It feels like doing the podcast with my wife is it's it's stepping just inside that boundary, and I'm a bit iffy about it. But then I think what we'll do, we'll probably record an episode or two or three, and maybe not put them out at first and just see how it goes, you know, because it we we might we might find that both of us freeze on camera and it doesn't work at all. It might be really stinted and horrible. I can't imagine that it would be. Maybe we'll do it with a glass of wine or a bottle or two of wine, and uh, but you don't want you don't want no one wants a podcast to become slurry, do they? That's uh that's really bad taste. So, yeah, but that's gonna come out soon. And I'm actually I'm really happy that she said that she would do it with me because my wife is my favourite person, really. She's amazing, she's got so much about her that you know she's one of those people who just puts everyone at ease, everyone's happy around her. She just got so much so much about her that stands her out from the rest of the crowd, and I don't think she f is fully aware of that either, which is makes her even more endearing because I don't know, I I like it when people are amazing and they don't really know they're amazing, somehow they're more humble and it it just yeah. Anyway, I'm not gonna sit here telling you how amazing my wife is because when this podcast comes out, you'll get to see. So, yeah, I've got a week to get podcasting, get gear, get better at using gear, and then to actually throw myself into the world trying to make some money. It seems really crass, doesn't it? Why is it that money is such a weird thing to talk about? No one wants to talk about making money, unless you've got loads of money, then people are happy to constantly talk about their money. But I feel like it's it's like a dirty word, money, because the thing I'm trying to build at the minute, I say trying to build, the thing I am building at the minute that is actually moving forwards at a decent pace, so it's not trying to build. I need to get this mindset out of I'm trying to build something, I am building something, and it's working. So but this thing is amazing, it's so valuable, it adds to the world, and it solves a real need in the world that people you know I would pay for. So there is absolutely no reason why I should feel bad or feel weird about asking for money to do it. But the psychology behind if you've been someone who's worked for an employer your whole life, it just feels weird to say, right, can you pay me to do this thing for you? I'd maybe I'm alone with this, maybe it's just me, maybe I'm weird, but I literally I find it like it's a hurdle that I have to I have to put work into overcoming because I don't think it is just me actually, because like yeah, I've got family members and friends, and I talk to them about what I'm doing, and they all seem to kind of get a bit uncomfortable the second money comes into the equation, and they all they all want to know how I'm gonna make money doing this, but there's also that discomfort where it's like oh, so you're gonna people are gonna pay you to do this, are they? As if as if they're expressing their awkwardness through me. Yeah, I don't know. But I I am you know I've taken some payments now. There's I think that the moment you actually make a sale, you realise that, ah, actually, this isn't that, you know, it's not scary, it's just it is what it is. I don't know, there are so many people that have got huge businesses or have been self-employed for a long time, and they probably think I'm mental listening to this, but it is a real thing for me where I'm a bit what's the word? Not scared, not maybe it's like imposter syndrome. I think that's might that might be what it is. You feel like am I the person who can actually sell something and make make something from nothing? Yeah, it it's it takes it's difficult, it's hard, it's hard to get your head around. But I'm moving further and further down this avenue now, and things are starting to work out. So as I do more of this, it's gonna become easier, and I'm gonna get I'm gonna become more skilled as well, and I'll be and my network will grow and things will slowly improve. And I'm sure a year from now I won't be sitting here saying that I feel awkward about taking payments from people. Undercharging as well, massively. I undercharge because I feel as if it it sort of feels as if someone's doing me a favour by paying me, even though they're paying me to put loads and loads and loads of work and effort and soul into doing something for them that's going to help them. I'm selling a service, a product, but it somehow it feels a little bit like I'm they get they're doing me a favour by paying me for it, and I feel like I should be grateful or I should I should be thankful that they're actually paying me money for something. What is wrong with me? I don't understand why this is hard to get my head around. I get in my head so much sometimes. I think we all do. Anyway, this is moving forwards, and I am gonna I'm gonna grow this thing so that the vision, like the the goal that I had initially, that's gonna come to pass. And when it does, what I'll probably do, knowing me, is I'll probably then move the bar higher and I'll have a new goal, and I'll never actually feel like I've achieved anything because every time I come close to actually reaching a goal, I move the bar up again, and then I come close to there and I move the bar again. This is like a curse that I have where I never actually I never congratulate myself, I never feel, I never allow myself to feel like I've done something good. Even if, even if I could achieve something amazing, I would say, well, yeah, but I haven't done this yet, and I would I would just up the bar, and I would I would never have that moment where you go, Yes, I'm a legend, I've done that thing, and I've finally got where I want to be. Life's not easy, is it? So, anyway, this is just a short episode because I wanted to a try out this new camera. See, this isn't my camera that I'm buying this week, by the way. I'm using a an Insta360 webcam to film this with a little bit of lighting. So I'm just I'm just trying this setup out to see how it looks because I want to start doing more video content. My podcast, I want to start actually filming it as well and putting it out because I think I don't know if I don't know if just purely audio media is dying out. Yeah, people used to listen to the radio all the time, and then I remember when podcasts came out, it kind of replaced the radio a little bit and put the it made things easier for people to actually create stuff and put it out into the world. But now I feel like if you just do if you record a podcast four times a week and post them onto Apple Podcasts and Spotify, what's the likelihood that anyone's actually gonna get to discover that? Probably quite slim because people don't you don't search you don't go through Apple Podcasts searching for a podcast, a specific one, do you? The only way people actually grow anything is by putting video content out online, predominantly short form video content, which it's a bit of a a minefield if you're not used to it, and it's scary because you know putting videos of me talking out just on the Instagram and stuff where people I know, my family and friends, they get to see it, is a little bit scary, but the more you do it, it's just exposure, isn't it? The more you do it, you flex that muscle, the muscle grows, and it becomes easier. So, yeah, this is only a short catch-up, really. But I just wanted to test out this format to see if it worked, and I'm now gonna have to go away and do some editing because already the phone has rung once and I've had to answer an important phone call, and then my neighbour knocks on the door halfway through this as well, and then some oh my neighbour who drives me insane came out with a pressure washer 10 minutes ago as well, so I had to stop for that. So, yeah, these are the these are the problems you have when you try and create content. Oh, content, creating content. I feel that's a dirty phrase as well. My my family would all look at me like I was crazy if I said I'm a content creator. I wouldn't call myself a content creator, however, I am currently creating content. I'm waffling now. I just wanted to put this out there and see what happened. But there's gonna be more like this, but with better quality quality video and sound and lighting, and with guests, including my wife, that's all coming up. So watch this space because this podcast is it's growing now. I'm noticing the amount of um downloads I'm getting each. Well, I think every 30 days is the metric you should follow. Every 30 days of the minute, I'm getting about 400 downloads, and that's up from last month, it was like 90. So it slowly things are growing, and the more content I put out and the better quality it is, the more I grow, right? And the more this grows. So I would love as well for you to actually get some feedback from the listeners, the person watching this now, you sitting there watching this. I would like some feedback because I want to know what you like, what you don't like. What am I doing that works, what am I doing that doesn't work? How can I improve this? Because I want this podcast to get better and better, and I want do you know? I have podcasts that I listen to religiously every week. I literally wait for the alarm to go off on my phone, the little bell thing on Apple Podcasts to tell me the new episodes come out, and I get excited and I think, yes, on my way home from work today, I'm gonna listen to this podcast, get in, and then I'll sit there and listen to it, and I get so much value from it. That's what I want to create with this. I want this to be something that gives you value. It's not about me, you know, I'm not doing this for the good of my own health. I want to create something awesome that everyone wants to watch and you that brings value to you, makes your journeys feel lighter, and also give you an insight into my life because I feel like not many people are happy to just talk about their life openly and honestly, and to actually answer questions and to actually give advice surreptitiously, although, albeit so yeah, I want some feedback. If if you can message me or I don't know, DM me on Instagram, feel free to or comment on this video as well. Just say, I like this, I don't like this. Can we have more of this? Can we have less of this? Whatever it may be, and I'll do my best to try and accommodate your needs. So I'll say bye for now, and I'll see you in the next one.