23. It's finally happening - my dream is coming true!!!

After years of painstaking effort, I've finally crossed the line....I have a functioning business! Doing something I love! I was honestly beginning to think that this day would never come. 

Onwards and upwards!!!

Transcript

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Hello and welcome to my podcast. I'm back again with a load of should we call it ramblings feel strong. It's not ramblings, is it? But uh cathartic rumination. Does that sound better? I don't know. Well, either way, I've had one of those weeks where everything has just kind of turned around. And I feel like they they weeks like this don't happen very often. But I went from being in a place where everything seemed kind of a bit unattainable, a bit difficult, a bit hard to reach. Uh I felt stuck in the mud, basically. And it's all just turned around. Um and it started off with a trip to London with my wife. Because for the for the first time in maybe maybe ever. In fact, I think ever. For the first time ever, both of our kids went to stay with some family in the countryside for four days without us being there. And we went on this mad trip to London where we went round to all the swanky restaurants and had coffee and Ford and Masons and then had nice steaks and went on an Uber boat, went round an art gallery, and we just we came back so refreshed, you know, and you just feel like all of the pent-up energy that you've been hanging on to for all that time finally was just released, and it was like, oh, we could just do grown-up stuff without having to constantly wait on people. It sounds terrible, doesn't it? But if you've got kids, then you'll know that it's a full-time job. There's never a time where you're off duty, and as the kids get older and go to bed later, you don't even get the couple of hours in the evening to yourself where you can just chill out. It all just you know, you get uh so you know I love my kids more than anything, they they light up my life, but oh my god, every now and then I just need a bit of time off, and that time came last week. So we had this amazing four days where we just the house was tidy, the house is never tidy because normally you'll clear a room, everything will be nice and perfect, and then you walk out, come back in again five minutes later, and there's just stuff all over the floor. Because the kids they use things once, and then they just drop it wherever they're standing, and then they go off and get something else, and then that just gets dropped where they're standing, and then they're going, I don't know, eat an apple or an orange, and then they'll peel the orange and just leave the peelings on the armchair. Things like that happen every single day, all days. The house is never ever tidy unless you literally follow them around picking up after them. And I know what you're thinking, you should be teaching them to pick up after themselves, and we literally have that argument with them pretty much all day, every day, and have done since they were like two years old, and still we're having that same argument, and nothing has changed. I think it as it comes to a point where you have to just accept that your kids kids are kids, they're not gonna be tidy, they're not gonna pick up after themselves, unless you've got like a a one in a million kid who you know is really fastidious and goes around and picks up after themselves, and yeah, I don't know. I've never met I've never met a kid like that before, so you know maybe that maybe that's a fantasy, maybe that's something that I've seen on a movie somewhere, and I've just held on to it. So we would if while we were while they were away, we would every night we'd do like a a FaceTime call with them, and it'd be lovely to see them, and they were just they were having a great time where they were, so everyone was happy. I definitely think that there's like a hole that was there that they left behind, and it felt as much as we were glad to have a bit of time to ourselves, it was difficult. We did miss them quite a lot, but yeah, that's that's part, that's part of it, I guess. You've just got to that's part of it. One day they're gonna grow up and move out, and then we'll be completely lost. So I don't I don't even want to think about that at the moment. I read this thing the other week, um and it said something like Once your child turns 12, you've already had 75% of the time that you will ever have with them, because you'll see less and less of them as they grow up. Oh, I'm getting a lump in my throat just thinking about what I read there. It's such a horrible thought. You know what? I also read the other day a thing that said, Once you turn 40, and if you live to like an average life expectancy, it told you how many weekends you had left, how many full moons you had left, how many days you had left, how many weeks. Oh it's it's basically 52% of your life is done when you turn 40, which is quite depressing. But what am I gonna do? Wallow about it, nah. If anything, I think life's picking up. I turned 40 and then had a bit of a a shockingly bad 40th birthday, I must say, but I feel like things are actually picking up now. I'm actually spreading my wings and finding my stride, which is that's good, isn't it? Very good. So anyway, yeah, they were away for the week, and we went out in London one day. Another day we went for a walk in a national park, which was beautiful. Bit chilly, a bit windy, but it didn't matter. And we got we ended up with a with a Tesco's meal deal, and um we sat on this kind of not a cliff, but it's like a massive hill with a not an obelisk, uh just a statue, I guess, on top of it. And we sat on the rocks by the statue and just looked at the mental view. You could see for from where we were, we were in Windsor, but we could see all of London, we could see the shard from where we were, Wembley, all the way round to Clivedon. We could see for miles, it was a beautiful place to be. And there were there's wild deer in the park, yeah. We saw stags, oh, it was beautiful. So we did that, went for a nice long walk, and that was very refreshing. I can't think what else we did on the other on the other days, to be honest. One thing we did actually, which I don't really want to hold my hands up to because it's kind of embarrassing, is we watched um Married at First Sight, Australia, and I'm I never ever have any interest in programmes like that. Normally, when there's like something that everyone's watching, there's like a bit of my brain that automatically goes, Well, I don't want to watch that. If everyone's watching it, it's probably not for me then. So like things like Maths, Maths Owl, whatever you call it, Maths Australia, Maths Owl, that's something that never in a million years would I even dream of watching it. Things like Love Island, everyone was into Love Island for such a long time. I hate Love Island, I can't bear even the even the words, someone says Love Island, and I just cringe. I think I can't imagine a worse group of people to be around. It's just not my cup of tea, anyway. So the fact that I watched Maths Owl with my wife is actually remarkable for us, but we did get into it. I I kind of found myself, even though I was reluctant and I feel a bit I still feel a bit icky to call in one of their terms, about watching it. It is actually quite good. You've you sort of kind of get invested in the couples and you see how things play out, and then the they always go for like a a meal and it just all kicks off, they start it's just it's crazy, it's it's kind of bus crash TV, but there you go. So we watched a bit of that. That's something that we wouldn't probably normally get to watch because we wouldn't watch it with the kids around, and once I mean the kids go to bed so late, I don't think we wouldn't watch it normally, but we watched that, and then once the um once the week was over, we got up really early on Saturday morning and drove two and a half hours to go and surprise them and just show up, and they were surprised, it was lovely, and we really missed them. The closer we got we felt a bit excited because we were gonna see them again. It was nice, and then after that, we then spent three or four days in the countryside, and it I feel like I'm born to live in the countryside because from the moment we pull up outside my in-laws' house and open the door, instantly, like every single muscle in my body relaxes. I feel like my shoulders drop, I just feel so happy. As soon as I get in the countryside, amongst nature, where there's just nothing but fields and trees and animals and bugs and dogs, and we saw a stout as we pulled into the driveway, things like that. I just I'm so happy, and all the birds. Oh, it's just it's just yeah, I think it's where humans are all meant to be, is amongst that stuff. So, anyway, I don't want to harp on about that. I sound a bit wet saying that, but um it was beautiful, and we spent four days literally just relaxing and doing countryside stuff with family. It was it's just so relaxing. I needed it so much. And on top of having a week off, you know, just doing adult stuff with my wife. I don't mean that in a room, I don't mean I was doing adult stuff like that. I just mean having time away from the kids where we could just go out and do what we wanted without any without any care, without having to be back by a certain time, or but you know, on top of that, having a four-day stint just in the countryside where we would just go out walking the dogs in the in like meadows. At one point I stumbled across a medieval church, and in the medieval church, I thought it was closed at first, I thought you know, we weren't allowed to go inside it, but I found out that you can just go in there, it's just left open. There's no one there, you can just go inside it, and there was an organ that I was playing. It oh it was just so nice. And then we would go, we would be like, Oh, it's gonna be cold tonight, we need to go and get some firewood, so we just go walk around the woods, grab some old logs that have been left laying around that aren't being used, bring them back, get out knacks like a regular old lumberjack, chop up the wood, bring it inside, chuck it on the fire, and then you're warm all evening. It's like everything you do in the countryside has a feedback loop, so you're cold, okay. Well, then I'll go and get some wood, chop it up, set fire to it, and I'll be warm then. Or I'm hungry, oh do you know, I'll go out in the garden and then I'll just pick out some berries or something and I'll eat those and then I won't be hungry again. Everything's like that. It's just I really think it's what humans are meant to do. But anyway, that was beautiful, and then we came back from our trip, and the kids were kind of upset because they had to leave the dogs and the countryside and all the lovely stuff behind for a little bit. But we came back and I actually sold my products to two people. Doesn't sound like a big deal to most people, or anyone that owns a business, it won't sound like a big deal. But for literally two years, no no, not two years, for four months. I've been desperately trying to start a business, and finally, for the first time, I've actually got two clients, and there's a third one that's like he's basically I'm gonna have a third client very soon, hopefully. And oh, the relief of actually making something from nothing, making my own thing, something that I'm interested in, something that I'm passionate about, putting out into the world, and then someone saying, Yeah, I really want that. Can we do that? and then it sounds silly, but accepting money, watching my Stripe account go ping, and then seeing the money there, and going, Oh my, I actually sold something, get in, it's just so good, it feels so good. So I've um the I'm sure there'll be more about this on my socials soon because I will do some behind the scenes stuff because I want people to see what I'm doing so that I can grow it. But one of the big problems I've had, or not problems, but one of the most stressful parts of running spotlight days is actually finding a venue, and not only finding a venue, but then finding a venue that doesn't cost an absolute fortune, and finding a venue that can be used or fits in with the aesthetics and everything that I want for my client. It's expensive, it's time consuming, and it's I feel anxious about it because I want things to be perfect, and when you're going to when you're looking around online for a venue and you find somewhere, it might look good, but you can never tell from the photos whether or not it's going to do your shoot justice, right? So that's stressful. So I actually have been seeing a physiotherapist recently for my wrist because I had an injury, and while I was there, I saw a sign-up saying that there were office office rooms like available to be leased, and I sort of inquired about it, asked my physio about who he hires from and everything. And I went down to have a little look around with the landlord, and he showed me a few offices, and they're all just like standard offices, they're all kind of imagine like a a slightly run-down, slightly manila office. That's kind of what they are. There's nothing special about and the desks in them, they're all like really old-fashioned crap desks, right? So it doesn't look much at the minute, but I've only gone and actually acquired an office space, which blows my mind. Because if you'd have said to me six months ago, oh yeah, you're gonna have an office that you're gonna turn into a studio, I would have laughed at you, but here I am, and I'm you know, I'm actually I've got a business that is earning me enough money to pay for what's gonna be my studio. I literally I I feel like I there's I can feel like I'm vibrating, I'm so happy like about the idea of that. So I get the keys uh for this office on Sunday morning, and I'm gonna go in there with my wife and my kids, and we're gonna zhuzh it up. The landlords agreed to come and take the crap desks away for me, so we'll get rid of them, we'll clean the whole room, we may do some painting, we've got furniture to go in there, there's loads of lighting and things that I need to put in there. All of my camera gear is gonna go in there, and I'm gonna set this up so that at any point I could walk in there with a client, sit down, and start filming, and things would be amazing because it's exactly the way I want it. Just having my own studio, and it's do you know I can get in there 24/7. I've got access to this building 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year. I've got I've got my own parking space there, so literally, anytime day or night, I could just go down to my studio, walk in there, turn the light on, and I'm in a studio, my own studio. Oh I feel like for anyone that's got their own office or you know works in a business where they've got a place where everyone works, they're probably thinking this is ridiculous. I'm so excited about this, but it just feels like for the first time ever, I'm actually moving forward in a direction that is my own. It's like I I'm doing something that I want to do, and it's actually working, I'm actually moving forwards. Oh, yeah, I've I'm I'm just so happy about it all. And it's gonna be crazy because um I've actually got this there's a a guy that I've got so much time and respect for, and I reached out to him and made him an offer on one of my spotlight days, and I honestly didn't think he would entertain the idea because he's kind of I'd say bigger big cheese, if you know what I mean. I didn't think he'd be up for it, but he came back to me and said, Yeah, I'd love to do that, that sounds great. And then he said, Can we make it work this weekend? Because he lives in Scotland, and obviously I'm South England, so yeah, I basically was like, That's not gonna work, I can't do it. There's and I explained to him the situation with my studio space. I said, I'm not even gonna get the keys until Sunday evening, so I can't do it. I'm really sorry, I really want to, but I can't. Um but then I had a conversation with my main man, Pete Taylor, and he he basically gave me a verbal slap. He said, What's wrong with you? Make it make it happen. Why are you why are you faffing around saying that you can't make it work? Because what, because the landlord won't give you the keys when you want them, or because because you're worried about it running too late in the afternoon, or so he made me realise that I can make this happen. So I got onto the landlord and I said, Look, you would be doing me a massive favour if I could get the keys early enough on Sunday that I could turn the office around, have it ready for Sunday afternoon. And bless him, he came back and said, Yeah, do you know what? I can get there at half eight in the morning on Sunday, and I'll bring a team of people and we can get rid of all the the uh desks for you, we can clear the office out, and it'll be ready for you by probably about nine o'clock, half nine. So now I'm in this weird phase where I've actually made it happen again, and like I've I reached out to the guy who I meant I was trying to book. Um he hasn't got back to me yet, so I don't know whether it's gonna happen, but I feel like if it does happen, that is in that's insane that I've actually because that because that means I would have like got another client within two days of the first client. That's just brilliant. So, anyway, here's me patting myself on the back trying to make out like I'm some kind of business mogul. Um I'm not quite there yet, I'm not into uh the multi-millions just yet, but this is like I'm I'm doing the thing, I'm achieving the thing that I've wanted for so long, like it's finally happening. I'm happening, I'm moving forwards. Oh, so yes, I'm absolutely buzzing about it, and you know the fact that I've got a wife and kids who are so supportive, and my mum as well, so supportive. She's helped me out because when this when this um when I was trying to hire this office, they basically sent over a um a licensing agreement for it, and I looked at that and thought I haven't got a clue what any of that means because it's all written in language that they've designed it so you're not supposed to understand it, you're meant to just sign it, and then when it all goes wrong, they hold it up in front of your face, tapping it and say, Well, you sign this, so it's all on you. So my mum, who knows loads and loads about housing policy, she had looked through it, highlighted everything that was important, and sort it out for me basically. So I'm just so I've got people around me who they're just helping, they're supportive. I'm just I've I honestly I don't want to sound like one of these people who just talks about gratitude all the time, but I just feel so grateful right now. I feel like it's it's all coming together, and I wouldn't be able to make any of this happen without having the support of these people around me. So yeah, I don't know if they're actually any of these people are gonna listen to this podcast. I don't know if they they do listen to it or not. I don't think my mum does. She listened to a couple of the older episodes, I think, but and she didn't, you know, there's she was okay, she said it wasn't too bad, so that's good. Didn't have to embarrass myself in front of my mum, and my wife as well. I know she's listened to a couple of these on and off every now and then. So I don't know. If you are listening, thank you for being awesome. Onwards and upwards, because now I'm actually gonna start to build this business up to a point where I am successful, like properly successful. It's all coming now, and this this having this studio, I feel like this is the um the pivot point, this is the point where it all changes because once I've got this space set up and it's mine, and I can use it whenever I want, I can start getting people in and recording proper podcast episodes, video podcast episodes, and I can edit them in there, and I can have proper mics all set up and proper cameras all set up, and I can make this something epic, and also I you know, I've got I can do my my photo shoots, spotlight days, I can do headshots, I can run meetings from there. There's just so much opportunity now. So, yeah, I'm actually gonna be a studio owner, which is like just saying the words I'm gonna be a studio owner sounds like a dream. It sounds like something that doesn't happen to people like me. But here I am, studio owner. Ironically, I've actually got a meal. I say a meal, it's a it's that we have an annual cheese night around um some of my best friends' uh house, and we're all going there tomorrow. Normally, it's a thing where we just drink loads and loads of wine and beer and whiskey and just eat cheese till it comes out of our ears. But I actually have to be back in the morning at half eight to meet the landlord so I can empty this office out with him and then get my wife and kids to come around with me and help me to decorate this place and get it set up so it's ready for hopefully the evening. If if um this guy comes back to me, I might actually be in my studio on Sunday evening filming a spotlight day. That's epic. He's doing so much good stuff at the moment and he's he's he's smashing life, really. So anyway, that's enough about that. Yeah, everything at the moment is kind of going well, and I don't want to say that and then like jinx it, but it's just at the moment it just feels like I'm actually making progress, I'm moving forwards, and I've been talking about it for such a long time and not finding any traction. I think the biggest problem I had was where I was before, the things that I was trying to achieve, the business I was trying to start, didn't ultimately align with who I am on a deep level, and I think that's that was the problem I had all along. Whereas now, the second I've started leaning into something that actually makes me go, yes, and I could, you know, and it's things that I could do all day without getting bored. I just get into flow mode with flow mode, flow state, the things that that are like that I've lent into that, and now things are actually picking up, I'm taking off. And I've actually do you know, I I remember having a conversation with someone in February, and I remember saying, Do you know all I want to do is to make one pound. If I make one pound, if someone buys something off me for one pound, I will have sold something and I'll I'll just be so happy to have some form of validation because when you're doing cold outreach and you're doing it for something that you're not really invested in, even though you're trying to make yourself believe that you are because you think it's the way to money, when you're doing that every single day and you're just getting rejection, rejection, rejection, or you're getting no answer at all, you're just getting ghosted by people, it's miserable, it's such a bleak, awful oh, I can't stand it. So I've done that for so long, and all I wanted to do was get a sale, and here I am now, like three sales in, like big sales as well, not little ones, and I'm yeah, I feel like I'm it's not as if I'm saying I've made it, I've still got a long way to go, but it's all going in the right direction. I'm finally building some momentum. Anyway, this wasn't supposed to be all about me patting myself on the back, this was meant to be an episode about just what's going on in my life at the moment because it's evolving in a good way. And do you know while we were away in the countryside last week? I actually had a few mad moments where I just thought, you know what, I could just sell the house, get rid of everything, quit my job, buy a small place in the countryside with a nice garden, little bit of land on the side, and then just make life work down here. And yeah, I had to sort of stop myself because the the big reason why I wouldn't want to do that would be I don't want to move away from my family and my friends, and I don't want to take the kids out of their you know, they've got a good friendship group, they've got stability at school, they're confident, they're thriving. I don't want to rip them away from that. The clubs they do, the things that they're they spend all their time obsessing about. I wouldn't want to just pull them away from all of that stuff just so we could live in the countryside in a nice house and be happy. Oh, I don't know. Life's difficult, isn't it, sometimes? But again, this has been a bit of a meandering wobble down the garden path this episode. But sometimes I think you just need to have a little vent, don't you? Because we all feel that. I'm sure you do as well. I'm sure you have days where all you want to do is just kind of sum up the week and sort of stick your flag in the ground and say, This is where I am right now. So that's me doing that. I hope you found it interesting. And if you haven't, come back next week because I'm gonna start having some actual proper decent podcast episodes where it's not just me rambling, but it's actually with guests in a studio. My studio that's gonna be well lit and it's gonna have nice sound and it's gonna be video, and you're just gonna see me grinning from ear to ear because I'm actually sitting in my new studio with a podcast guest sitting next to me. I'm gonna be smashing life. Do you know I might even do some podcast episodes like during the night? What's to stop me from getting someone around at like half eight in the evening? Maybe crack a beer or something, and then just do a podcast episode. Might get a bit slurry. No one wants a slurry podcast episode, do they? I don't know. But this is all coming, so yeah. Stay tuned. Come back and prepare to be dazzled by my amazing new studio and all of the finery and the fine people that come with it. Thanks for listening, and I will see you next week.