Your Body Is Trying to Tell You Something: How to Listen and React

In this episode, Kaley sits down with therapist Olivia Jewett to explore the connection between physical health, emotional healing, and life after divorce. Through personal stories including a colonoscopy and Prenuvo scan, they discuss preventative care, listening to your body, and advocating for your health. The conversation also touches on trauma, EMDR therapy, and Olivia’s upcoming book, offering practical insight and encouragement for healing.

Olivia Jewett is a licensed therapist specializing in trauma, EMDR, and emotional healing after major life transitions. Grounded in both professional expertise and personal experience, she is passionate about preventative care, mind–body awareness, and helping women advocate for their physical and emotional health. Olivia is also the author of an upcoming book focused on healing, resilience, and rebuilding from the inside out.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:13

Hi, and welcome back to Reality Renewed. Today we have Olivia Jewett on today, which I'm so excited to have you on. Uh, not only are you an amazing therapist, but you're also a great friend. So I'm so happy to have you on here. I am happy to be on. Yes. Uh, you know, today we're really gonna get this is gonna be like they're gonna get like double for their money because not only are we talking about preventative care and kind of our both of our journeys with that, but also you're a therapist. We're also gonna be able to talk about that. So, really, this is like two for the price of one. Absolutely. So, well, first of all, thank you so much for coming on. Uh, tell me, well, I mean, I know you, but tell the guest, tell the guest a little bit about kind of yourself.

SPEAKER_01 1:04

Um, well, I am a trauma therapist. Um, I see mainly adults who've who've had like past child traumas. Um, I used to be a child therapist as well. Um, I am a mom of three.

SPEAKER_02 1:23

Adorable.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

They are adorable. Yes. Um, I have ADHD as as well to all of my children. Um, so we have a very neurodivergent house. I like that. I love it. It's always fun, always creative. And you're also a Halloween costume maker.

SPEAKER_02 1:45

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:46

It's my side hustle.

SPEAKER_02 1:48

Which I mean, my kids are still talking about why do I not make their Halloween costumes? I'm like, you've seen me color, correct? I draw stick figures. I love it. It's my therapy. Yeah, it's amazing. Uh, well, so you know, I think one of the reasons, well, obviously I wanted to have you on because you're an amazing therapist, but what something, and actually, I was talking to um another mom today, and I think as moms, we are so bad at taking care of ourselves. And it's like we're thinking about you, we're taking care of our kids, we're taking care of our dog or our cat, our spouse, our boyfriend, whomever. Yeah. Um, I mean, you have four clients, you know. Overfunctioning women. Yes. And so, you know, I think it's so common that we don't we don't think to take care of ourselves. And uh, this isn't sponsored by Prenuvo, but maybe we'll maybe we'll get it sponsored by Pranuvo. Uh you know, your story to me was so crazy about your when you got your PR nuevo scan, and that was the reason I wanted to get mine. Um and you know, previously to no, after you had gotten your PR nuevo scan, it really kicked my ass to be like, okay, sorry, I'll sorry, swear jar. I said us, we're kids have a swear jar. So um, but it really made me want to think about taking better care of myself. Uh so I remember after I will never forget when you we were at Kate's house and you were telling us about your prenevo scan. And truly, it was like, okay, not only do I need to do that, I need to get a colonoscopy, I need to do all these things.

SPEAKER_01 3:51

All of the things that you know that we put off, yeah. So tell us because they're about ourselves. Exactly. We don't put off the things for everyone else, right?

SPEAKER_02 4:01

Just ourselves, exactly. So obviously the viewers don't know about their your preneuro scan, but tell us if you wouldn't mind.

SPEAKER_01 4:10

I would be happy to. Um, so it was over a year ago, and my mom was actually having a bunch of health issues, and so we were trying to figure out what's going on with her. And so I thought of getting her signed up to do the realistic did your mom do it too? Um, no, because it was like booking out like five months. Oh. And so we got her into Mayo and everything before then. Okay. But while I was looking it up, I was like, well, since I'm on here, I'm just gonna do my own. Absolutely. Um so I did, and it was an awesome decision that I made. It was, I guess, life-changing. Yeah. Um, so I found out that I had a brain aneurysm, which at the time when I found it, I didn't need to have surgery or anything right then. Um, but if it grew, then I would have to. So at the year checkup, a year later, it had grown. So then I had to get brain surgery.

SPEAKER_02 5:22

It's honestly the craziest story to me. I mean, you think you're just gonna get these scans. You're obviously very healthy. I mean, I we had talked about this, and your brain aneurysms don't run in your family.

SPEAKER_01 5:37

It's not like this is And you don't have any symptoms of them. There's like, I mean, really how you find them is by accident, like in looking for something else or in a prenovo scan.

SPEAKER_02 5:49

Yeah. So it's just so wild to me that they found that. Uh and what did that what was that news like to you?

SPEAKER_01 5:59

Um, well, I had like really I don't really have anxiety about medical things, which is why I felt like I was like a good person to do it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:11

Yes, yes, seriously.

SPEAKER_01 6:13

I you know, I found other like weird random things in your body. I'm sure you did too. Yeah. Um, but that was the only one that was of concern. Alarming. Yeah. Um, so I knew about it for a year and it just I I I'd forget about it, truthfully. You are so chill about it. Yeah, it really like I wasn't ever freaking out. Um, because I always knew the plan too. It was like, well, right now it's okay, and we'll check it out in a year. And if it grows, we'll do surgery, and if it doesn't, then you come back in a year again. Yeah. Um, and it grew. So I then I had the surgery, I did a pipeline, is what it's called. So it looks like just this little tiny mesh. It's almost like a finger trap looking thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. And they uh so they don't go in through your head, they go in through your arteries. So advanced. So through in your groin, they just go in through your artery, and then they just like I don't know, feed it up there. Feed it up there, and then it's in place. So now I have to go back in six months and like do it again just to make sure the placement was fine. Um, but it is.

SPEAKER_02 7:30

Oh good. And I know after you're getting headaches and having some, but are you feeling a lot better now?

SPEAKER_01 7:38

As the aneurysm, so it's like a mesh little sleeve that they put in there. So that's like the new artery wall, essentially. And so the aneurysm then gets like smaller and smaller, it's like a balloon that's deflating, and so that's what the the headaches were from, is like the changing pressure. Oh, sure. As that's getting smaller.

SPEAKER_02 8:00

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 8:01

So when I stop having headaches, then I knew it was flush against I know, isn't it crazy?

SPEAKER_02 8:12

How I mean, first of all, I'm so thankful that you do that because that's just scary, you know. And obviously, like you have three little kids, you have a husband, you have a big practice, you have family, you have friends. I mean, it's like wow, to find that out is so and I just think that is the importance of women. We need to take care of ourselves. Yeah, and obviously, it's not like everyone's gonna go and find out something as extreme as that, but it's just we we really have to make sure that us as moms are taking care of ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 8:45

Yeah, and that like truly, this is something I talk about with my clients a lot. Um, it's like how women overfunction. Um, and it's really a part of a pattern, you know. There's I'm not sure your audience, but there's a male entitlement.

SPEAKER_02 9:03

Oh, that's gonna I think it might be mostly women lit watching and listening to the understanding, yes.

SPEAKER_01 9:11

Um male entitlement really being anything that is um perceived as an inconvenience or unnecessary to that man. Um, and as women, we've been taught to like pick up the pieces. So basically, all the things that men haven't wanted to do, women, we just pick up the pieces, and it really comes at the woman's expense.

SPEAKER_02 9:40

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 9:41

So, like how it changes is really women's stop over functioning, yeah, obviously.

SPEAKER_02 9:46

We well, we have to, and you know, we I remember us first talking about this, and you know, my experience, I got a colonoscopy, and I'm you know, 38 years old. I think the recommended age is we have the same birthday, by the way. Tauruses, you do, and your twin. And so I'm basically your triplet. Uh I just had to say that because that's we're kindred spirits. Yeah. But um, I remember, you know, I think the recommended age is 50 now.

SPEAKER_01 10:18

Is it?

SPEAKER_02 10:19

I think it's 50 if she gets a colonoscopy. I know it's not, I don't think it's any earlier than that.

SPEAKER_01 10:25

I thought it was like 40.

SPEAKER_02 10:27

Maybe it's 45. Maybe it's maybe let's just cut it in the middle. We're not doctors. I I know it's I I think I know it's over 40, 45 or 50, regardless. Yeah. Somewhere in there. Somewhere in there.

SPEAKER_01 10:42

Anyways, you're way younger than that.

SPEAKER_02 10:44

Yes. So so much younger. So much younger. And I was going because I was just like having some stomach pains, and um, my aunt has cancer that was found in her bile duct, and so you know, I'm just my mom was really telling me, like, hey, you should just go do it, be safe. Just nothing's gonna come back. Well, sure enough, you know, I'm out of the colonoscopy, I'm drugged up, and I'm not really like understanding. He's like, Everything looked good, but you know, we found a polyp on your appendix, so you're gonna have to get your appendix removed. And I'm like, wait, wait, I'm like, what? I'm still, you know, you're you're you're you're you're loopy. And I'm sitting there with my boyfriend, and he's like, What? And so I remember like calling my mom. I'm like, mom, can you can you just like are we hearing this properly? And yeah, sure as shit. He was like, Yeah, the polyp is on your appendix. The only way to get it removed is you have to get your appendix and your secum out. I had no idea what a secum is.

SPEAKER_01 11:48

What is that?

SPEAKER_02 11:49

Uh it's like attach, it's what attaches your intestine to your appendix. So you have to remove that and then reattach it. I don't know. Sounds weird, gotta do it. Um, and the pulp came back precancerous. And so they're like, we just you need to get this out.

SPEAKER_01 12:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:10

And the scary part for me was like, okay, if I, you know, whether it's seven years or 12 years or whatever, like this could have been a lot more serious. And so it's like, yeah, Kolonoski, it's not fun. I mean, the I mean, when you're there, it doesn't matter. Like, the prep's not fun, but it's more of us like, I'm so thankful I did it. Because if I hadn't done it, who knows? I mean, it would have just progressed and gotten worse. And so I'm not and turned into cancer. Well, exactly, which is just scary, you know, to think about.

SPEAKER_01 12:46

Um with mine, they said since it grew, um, I was then at a higher risk of it rupturing in the next five years. So and then when I heard that too, I was like, okay, well, would that be like a stroke? Um, well, it would be your aneurysm bursting. So I mean it just like that's kind of done and done.

SPEAKER_02 13:14

That would be like that would be like RIP?

SPEAKER_01 13:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:18

Oh, jeez, Olivia.

SPEAKER_01 13:19

Mm-hmm.

unknown 13:20

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 13:21

Yeah, I have heard some stories like where like similar to mine where people find them um, you know, while they're doing other medical things, and then they catch them and and do surgery, but I think if if it bursts and you're not already in a hospital, it's yeah, I'm so I'm so thankful they found that.

SPEAKER_02 13:48

I mean, I I still, it's just it to me, it's just like the craziest story. Um yeah. So, and I think you know, we talked about this, but to your point, and obviously being a therapist, and I know you see a lot of moms and a lot of women, uh how important to you do how important do you think you know self-care and preventative care is for women, especially and especially moms?

SPEAKER_01 14:18

I mean, I think it's absolutely huge. And so much of it, like we were talking about before, the overfunctioning. You know, it's having boundaries with like we have to take care of ourselves. Um how can you actually take care of other people when you're just depleting, depleting, depleting, and um you know, then we then not great things happen. Right, you know, and it affects our kids and our marriages. So when we have boundaries and we prioritize ourselves and our our mental health, our physical health, yeah, then for one, we're modeling what it looks like to be a woman in a much healthier way. Right. Um and that sets our our daughters up for success. Absolutely. So it's not just about the now, it's about the next generation as well. Absolutely. And what we're showing them.

SPEAKER_02 15:15

Well, I think too, you know, in our well, if you think about even, you know, our mom's generation, even our grandma's generation, I mean, I think in the United States, there is just this demand on us to just do what we're told and kind of make sure everything is perfect around us and we're sort of the, you know, the last one. And I think in this season of our lives, and what I want this podcast to really be about is like, no, like it's not self, you're not a selfish person if you're taking care of yourself. You are not a selfish person if you are doing things for yourself to make sure you're you're healthy. You're not a bad mom because you know you're you're worrying about your care.

SPEAKER_01 16:09

And yeah, and I think it's such a I think in this and where that stuff comes from, like the mom guilt is it's so real. The mom guilt is so real and powerful, yes, and it it's it's impossible to actually do everything that we would like to do or feel like we're supposed to do, you know, it it comes at a cost to our mental and physical health, absolutely, yeah. It like how many times have you not slept as much as you needed to because last there are things to do that have to be done two nights ago, you know, it's like all week, right? Not to throw my own husband under the bus, but when he needs to go to bed, he goes to bed. Yeah, and that doesn't make all the other things not still there, right?

SPEAKER_02 17:04

1000%. And kids, it's like I don't understand why they ramp up before bedtime. It's like unbelievable. I'm like, you just seemed so tired, and now it's time for bed, and all of a sudden it's like I did not give you a pound of candy. Like, why do you not want to go to sleep right now? It's unbelievable. And that is true. I mean, we we don't. I mean, I especially now, like being a single mom, and you know, on the nights that I have them, like I, you know, I'm getting them to bed, and a lot of times it's like me, you know, laying there just be like, please, please turn off just make them shut their eyes and go to sleep, you know.

SPEAKER_01 17:51

But it yeah, it's it's a lot. Um my husband travels for work a lot, and so it totally gets us out of our routine of two parents putting them to bed, and you know, everyone wants mom. Yeah, too.

SPEAKER_02 18:05

Yeah, so yeah, we uh we it's exhausting. We uh two nights ago we had a kind of an interesting setup. I had my oldest daughter on one side, uh I someone ended up in the middle. My youngest was on the other side, the dog was on my head, and then my um other daughter was at my feet, and I was like completely submerged, and I'm like, I cannot drink water, I can't go to the bathroom, like I can't move it. I can't move at all, but like these, you know, it's the it's the things you do, and like we were talking about before, it's like you know, they do grow up so fast, so it's like you want to enjoy it, you know, those times too. But yeah, I mean it's what what's the term they always say? Like the days are long, but the years are short. I I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 18:57

Yeah, that sounds right.

SPEAKER_02 18:59

Days are long, but the years are short. I think that's what they say. It's I don't know, but I think that works in my head. Does it sound good to you? I don't think so. We're gonna go with that. So kind of going on to that, would love like your tips for listeners on like how to advocate for you know their health and for the importance of self-care.

SPEAKER_01 19:25

Well, I think uh hopefully a takeaway that listeners can have from today is about boundaries and prioritizing ourselves. Um, we do have to take care of ourselves, and boundaries are not mean. Yeah, they are good, they create a safe, stable, secure system. Yeah, and that's what our kids respond to. So, you know, we need to be able to say no to things and set limits and be consistent with that. Um we're not always gonna have things done perfectly, and that that's okay. Yeah, because if we do, it's actually more a sign of a problem. Right. Like lack of boundaries than that isn't real life, but we definitely are pressured into believing that.

SPEAKER_02 20:15

So I think boundaries would be my boundaries, huge takeaway are so important, and I don't think I ever had boundaries in any relationship in my life, and now as I'm aging, uh I think they are so important, and I and to your point, it's okay to say no to things. Like, I'm kind of in the stage of my life, like obviously there's things we have to do, right? Like, there's just normal day-to-day things we have to do, but like if they're if it's out of the norm and I just like don't want to do it, it's okay for me to say no. Like, I remember I used to say yes to like everything, like every social engagement, everything that you know people would ask. And and then I got to point where I'm like, I'm burned out, like I don't want to go to that, and that's okay. I'm not like being a bad friend, I'm not being a bad person because I'm saying no, like I'm trying to have boundaries with myself to like listen to my body and be like, no, like you're burned out, and it's our own assumption, truly, about like how other people will react to to our boundary.

SPEAKER_01 21:28

Um people are pretty respectful, like if we say we can't we can't do something, we're not able to, this is as far as we got on something. Yeah, people are like, alright.

SPEAKER_02 21:40

Unless they're assholes.

SPEAKER_01 21:45

Unless they're assholes.

SPEAKER_02 21:46

Which that does exist.

SPEAKER_01 21:48

But the majority of people obviously not our our understanding and it's actually it's way better communication because it's more clear on what's happening rather than. Just like pushing ourselves and pushing ourselves.

SPEAKER_02 22:02

Absolutely. Um, okay, now part two because part one was great. Now part two, because you know, you're kind of double whammy here, Olivia, is being a trauma therapist. And I mean, I I want this podcast to appeal to women, men, anyone, right? Uh, but one thing that I've tried to really emphasize with this podcast is women who are kind of going through their second chapters in life.

SPEAKER_01 22:41

Love this.

SPEAKER_02 22:42

Maybe they're going through a divorce, maybe they want to get divorced, maybe they want to get out of a relationship. They're scared, they don't know how to do it. And what I've said is like, it's not easy, it's it's hard, but you can get through it.

SPEAKER_01 23:00

I think even just like turning 40.

SPEAKER_02 23:04

I mean, I'm like, I keep like lying to them, like I'm third, but like I'm closer to 39 than I am to 38, you know, but yes, exactly, and just like all the changes with that. But like I would also love to talk to you as like a trauma therapist, um, of like kind of the trauma around getting of trauma around like getting divorced and the emotional challenges around post-divorce and like how important it is to make sure you're acknowledging and you know processing that trauma.

SPEAKER_01 23:47

Um, well, how I would approach it and how I do approach it.

SPEAKER_02 23:51

Um I'm sure you've seen a few cases.

SPEAKER_01 23:59

Um first, you know, I would I think I would help that that client. Um, I think we're talking mainly females here, um, you know, figure out you know what they liked about the relationship and what they did not. Yeah, that goes back to the boundary stuff. Like what what was happening there that we actually weren't okay with, but just went along with, um, or maybe tried to have a boundary, but when there was pushback on it, then our boundary falls. Um, so I would identify that and then identify like why those things were felt not that you liked them, but why they felt okay. So like why were they normalized? Kind of and that tends to be from our past experiences. We are who we are from our past experiences. So as we're growing up, um, primarily in age zero to seven, you've heard the saying, like, kids are a sponge, we just absorb. Um, so there's zero output, meaning there's just meaning made about it. And then that that is just there, and those things come with us throughout our lives. So if it's I'm not good enough, or I'm stupid, or I'm insignificant, and keep in mind this isn't like a kid saying, I have a negative cognition, and this is what this is, it's not like that. Um, but those meanings are made from interactions, you know, with the adults around us, and no one's parent is trying to like give them some. But they they don't know, they don't know because they don't have a kid brain. Yeah, a kid brain conceptualizes things differently and makes meaning, and we have adult rational brains. So, I mean, I've even heard my own kids have negative cognitions, and I'm I'm a trauma therapist and I do EMDR and I am like all over that shit. Um but I've heard them and I've been like, where in the world would that have possibly come from? Right, and it's a we can't we can't really understand um some situations may be more obvious than others. Um but so I would start kind of there on the things that were being triggered, but they just kind of seemed like acceptable in a way. Um and then I would do EMDR with them.

unknown 26:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:35

And I that was my next thing because I would love to hear more. I actually personally have never done um I'm like a EM, because I probably call it like EDMR or something, but I've personally never done EMDR on the DM. Oh my god, you love it. Well, and I I would first of all I'd love to hear about it, and second, the other reason why I wanted you to come on too, well, I mean, a host of reasons, but was when you were saying that you're kind of developing a new way of doing it. And I think you said you're gonna write a book. Yes, yes, the book is in the process, you with all your costume designing mom of three works full-time, sees 40 clients, and writing a book.

SPEAKER_01 27:25

Like, no wonder overfunctioning no wonder you are tired. Yes, um, yeah, no, I I am working on my book. Um, so I did I'm developing, well, have developed, but now I'm kind of like putting it, you know, all structured. Um a protocol for EMDR.

SPEAKER_02 27:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 27:48

Um, so basically it's similar to the standard protocol, which like all EMD EMDR therapists are taught. Um, but I've taken out a part.

SPEAKER_02 28:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 28:01

Because I found that it wasn't necessary.

SPEAKER_02 28:04

So if if you So what let's go back to what EMDR is and what it does.

SPEAKER_01 28:10

That would be a great thing to say first.

SPEAKER_02 28:13

I could know because I honestly I I was like, yeah. So it's eye movement desensitization reprocessing therapy. I think they couldn't have come up with a shorter name. They did, yeah. I guess they really were just being descriptive with what it was.

SPEAKER_01 28:35

Yeah. I mean, okay. Yeah. It's um basically how you do it is you stimulate the body from the left to the right. So it's bilateral stimulization. Um, so just like in REM sleep, you're not. I know what it was, I think. I don't know if I've been in REM for a while. But I've heard of it. When you're dreaming. Exactly. Oh, okay. Yes, I have dreams. Um, so it's when your eye is moving, your eyes are moving back and forth, but while you're sleeping. So it's like when you're Okay.

SPEAKER_02 29:07

I think I'm a pretty smart person. I had no idea your eyes move back and forth when you sleep.

SPEAKER_01 29:15

Yeah, just in that phase.

SPEAKER_02 29:17

So they literally go like, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:19

And that stimulates the amygdala.

SPEAKER_02 29:21

You learn something new every day.

SPEAKER_01 29:25

So what EMDR does is it's basically an amygdala. What's the amygdala? Well, it's the processing part. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 29:33

So I need to do more brain research, apparently.

SPEAKER_01 29:38

Um, so basically we're mimicking REM sleep. We're stimulating the body from the left to the right, which is the same thing that happens when your eyes are going back and forth and back and forth. And so what happens there then, like it's basically old memories, old experiences, these old neural networks, when the amygdala is activated, they are now open. So we can take like different things, basically relational needs that weren't met or weren't met well enough. And we can kind of bring those in through these past experiences, and that shifts the meaning. Wow. Because the amygdala is activated. So it's once you do that part, um, it's a it's a quick change. Like it isn't how in regular talk therapy, you know, it it's more like through repetition and insight where things will shift. But this shifts like right then. Wow. And so what that looks like in life is it's like the things that were upsetting for us previously, um, that we know aren't rational. Like, say mine was I'm not good enough. Um, so the things in my adult life that would poke at that for me, like I'm not good enough, I would experience those things very, very differently afterwards. More like you don't even recognize them. Now, EMDR doesn't remove emotion, you still feel emotion, but you feel it from like this more systemic state of here in the systemic state, we have infinite options on how to respond. And when we have a negative cognition, it shifts it to like it's happening to us. So these are like protective responses. We go big or we go small, um, but we do not see all of our infinite options on how to respond. Wow. And so it just makes life easier, truthfully. I'm signing up. And like it doesn't go back either.

SPEAKER_02 31:47

Oh, really? So it's not something that you have to like. So how many set how many sessions would you say are normal?

SPEAKER_01 31:54

So people tend to have about 15 to 20 negative cognition. So we identify those. Um 15 to 20. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:05

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 32:06

Um, but then they clear in groups. So we end up doing three to four.

SPEAKER_02 32:12

Like um within like like once a week or oh yeah, we do once a week.

SPEAKER_01 32:18

For three to four, and then so it's like three to four groups of them.

SPEAKER_02 32:24

Oh, interesting.

SPEAKER_01 32:25

Like, so you'll do you know, the protocol for this group of negative cognitions, and then that's done, and then you do the next group.

SPEAKER_02 32:36

Fascinating. Yeah. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 32:40

But so what I figured out in the standard protocol, they have you kind of like, I don't know, it feels like going through a lot of like your past traumas. And I found it was really just not necessary. If if you know what you're looking for, if you know, you know, how to identify the negative cognitions and what relational needs are generally missing with those negative cognitions, then you can just kind of skip that part. Yeah. Um, and it it makes it a lot less intimidating and scary because they know that's that's a huge thing for people. They don't want to have to go back and think about certain traumatic events.

SPEAKER_02 33:25

And well, and trying to kind of replay it, like sort of like trying to think about like, okay, why do I feel that way? It's like that's uncomfortable. Yeah. Right? And I mean and not necessary, it turns out. And maybe and maybe and I'm sure like any therapy, d some discomfort is okay, and probably some discomfort is healthy if you want to change.

SPEAKER_01 33:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:50

But I would also think that there's a part of it too where you're doing this and being like, okay, well, I can still get the same results without having to exactly.

SPEAKER_01 34:01

That's how I figured it out. Actually, I had a client come in um who, you know, like dissociative ability from past traumas, like didn't couldn't even recall. She literally didn't know what happened.

SPEAKER_02 34:16

Um when she was younger, or wow.

SPEAKER_01 34:20

And so I was like, I don't think I need you to. Like, well, gift to your brain that that isn't something that you remember. And seriously, I don't feel it's necessary to go and like dig that stuff up. So you know, I did EMDR with her, and I was like, wow, that was that worked really well. And literally, she doesn't even know what exactly happened to her. And she and it was amazing. Like things change in people's life functioning changes then, you know, things that really constrain us that we don't even realize are constraining us. Um, I had someone come in recently and we did EMDR pretty quick. They were needing, they were needing some assessment pretty quickly. And their response, you know, was oh my god, I had no idea that life could actually feel like this. Oh like that it was just like I didn't I had no idea. Like I just thought how I experienced life was just how it was, and that's amazing. That it was always gonna feel this bad, and just like it's great.

SPEAKER_02 35:46

Okay, that's amazing, and just because it's is it so is it basically rewiring your brain?

SPEAKER_01 35:51

Yeah, um, yeah, and then it also gives you like the last phase of the protocol, um, call it the future template, and you're you you give your brain a gift, essentially. Wow, wow, you uh we get to make it up. Um it's from what we now believe, so the positive cognitions and the positive emotions after we've cleared the negative. Um the question is okay, what does life look like a year from now, a month from now, when what you know to be true right now in this moment, the positive cognitions and the positive emotions, you know though, you feel those right here. What does life look like a week from now? And so what that's doing, it's like our it's establishing a new neural pathway.

SPEAKER_02 36:47

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 36:48

Um, where it would basically be our assumptions about things before, like, oh well, this is how this usually goes, this is what will happen here, this is how so and so will respond, this is what will happen in this scenario. And so we give it a different one, and it is factual because it's what we know to be true right now, like in the here and now. And then your mind has that image, and then your assumptions basically will start going that way instead of the negative way.

SPEAKER_02 37:20

Well, and what and I've you know, I've talked to women who have gone through divorce or want to or thinking about it. And one of the main concerns, it's super interesting. Obviously, the main concern, the the number one thing is how are the kids gonna do? Like, how can we help the kids, right? That's obviously number one anyone I've talked to. But a really interesting thing that always comes up is what are people gonna think? And I remember really struggling with that, and you know, we both belong to the same, you know, country club, and I remember there were a couple instances um where you know I had friends up there, and a couple people there were saying like some pretty unkind things about me and about the divorce and not really knowing the facts, right? Yeah, because you know, the fact of the matter is this is between my ex and I, and we're co-parenting well, and our kids are doing well, so that's all anybody needs to know, right? And I remember being so worried and concerned about what people were gonna think and what people were talking about, and like it was almost debilitating, and so and I think that it really is for a lot of people because they're so worried, like, if I get divorced, like, and I don't want to make you know this you know, broad, you know, sentence, but in my experience, I think that women almost get like a scarlet letter when you're getting divorced, and men maybe get off a little bit easier. Um and so I just remember this like this just feeling like I just don't even want to leave the house. Like I am, you know, and so that's why I don't know I've done therapy and I think I'm obviously in a way better place. Like I'm you know, now I'm almost three years being separated and divorced, but I think EMDR would be great. Did I say that right? Yes, I did, yay, yes, uh, be great for me, but also other women of just like reprogramming your brain to be like, because I remember being like, okay, I'm gonna go to a grocery store, I'm gonna go to a restaurant, or I'm gonna go to the club, and like people are gonna look at me like you know, badly, or I'm gonna run, you know, people are gonna judge me or look at me this way, and like it was just debilitating, right?

SPEAKER_01 40:03

Mm-hmm. So as you're talking, like the ones I'm hearing are I'm judged, I'm not good enough. Right. Um, and they're not rational things, like you know, as an adult, like, of course you're good enough. Like, that's they're not, it doesn't make sense with our adult life, but those are the things that are upsetting for us. And those are the things that come from the zero to seven age. Yeah, that's wild. So in yours, like say, say you were to do EMDR. Well, I'm doing it, I'm signing up, especially since I got the name down. So you would do like I'm judged, I'm not good enough. And from that, what would happen, like after you would do that, you would have a very different experience at the club. Wow. Like you the club. Bottle service, DJ going. But it would be very different. Like your mind wouldn't go to oh my gosh, what do these people think of me? Are they gonna judge me? Like, it just doesn't do that.

SPEAKER_02 41:14

That's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 41:16

Yeah. Like, now think about how much easier and lovely life.

SPEAKER_02 41:21

I'm like, how am I how did how have I not like heard about this? I mean, I've maybe I've heard about it, may and quite frankly, maybe I did, and I was just like, that what I you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 41:33

It also seems super weird. Like when I'm telling people about it right away.

SPEAKER_02 41:38

Because what exactly do you what exactly do you do?

SPEAKER_01 41:42

Um, you hold tappers, is what we call them.

SPEAKER_02 41:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 41:45

So they're just little things that does. No, because you can stimulate, it's anywhere, like you can tap someone's legs, you can have them hold tappers, you can watch a light beam, you can do it with audio. Um, I use tappers because I think they're the easiest and the the most comfortable. Yeah. Um and I just control them from my phone. No way. Uh high tech. Yeah, I know. It's it's really it's not hard. Okay. And it's not this like drawn out, traumatic thing.

SPEAKER_02 42:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 42:27

And that's why I love doing it. Because it's just the most cost effective, time efficient.

SPEAKER_02 42:35

Yeah, how long does each session how long does each session?

SPEAKER_01 42:38

I mean, they're like hour-long sessions. Ideally, I would do 90 minute sessions. Okay. Um, but they're hour, they're an hour per like insurance if you're using insurance. If you're not, then then we can do the 90s.

SPEAKER_02 42:53

Really, really go wild with the 90. Really just break out all that trauma and get it out. Okay, I love this.

SPEAKER_01 43:01

And sometimes I just do it anyways. I'm like, we're so close. We're so close to it like being done, just let's just okay.

SPEAKER_02 43:09

This is amazing. So you discovered this, and now you're gonna write a book, which I think is amazing. And you obviously seem like very passionate about this. Like, is this something you want like more therapists to be doing? Like, is this a practice kind of that all therapists should use?

SPEAKER_01 43:32

Kind of my vision for it um is really like to do trainings eventually.

SPEAKER_02 43:39

Oh, amazing.

SPEAKER_01 43:41

And so that it can be more widespread and understood. Um, I mean, that's where I see like that it would make the most impact. Yeah, absolutely. Um, because it I mean, I've been doing it with my clients for years now. Um, just as I have learned things about the process myself. Yeah. Um it's like I don't know why why anyone would do that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 44:11

It's what would you say like the percentage of therapists that do it? Would you say it's pretty low?

SPEAKER_01 44:19

Um I I think there's more therapists that do it than you think. But I think people don't just do EMDR.

SPEAKER_02 44:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 44:32

Um where when someone comes in my room I'm just I prep everyone for EMDR. So they don't really we're not even talking about EMDR yet but like as they're talking what I'm writing down is everything that I need for EMDR.

SPEAKER_02 44:47

Oh wow that's why you're so popular. That's why that's why we were talking to Damik thanks so much for coming on she's like yeah I've you know I'm I don't work fries I'm like oh that's great she's like but I work Saturdays I'm like didn't really told you that was an accident well Olivia I appreciate you so much for coming on on your on your day off on your Friday night. I know we're drinking really good housemate coffee because I'm obviously very good at making coffee. So it's the best it's good right it's good coffee. So cheers to you and so appreciate you coming on and you gave such amazing insight advice EMDR You said it right emdr knowledge I mean honestly like I'm a bull I'm a believer it's not like this I'm like we're not it's not like we're being sponsored by prenue prenuo and emdr but like I mean we're kind of their hype girls at this point. I think so but uh it was very very informative and just very helpful thank you for having me yes I so appreciate you and I mean you can't really see more people but if people know I was like they should buy your book but when my when my book is out we'll wrap that we'll circle back we'll circle back yes but if people did want to find you if people do want to find me um at this point in time I'm really only accept direct referrals. Okay so I if you know someone who's made me um but I've And the podcast doesn't count I watched you on the podcast Kaylee referred me to get free EDMR EDMR EMDR damn it I went the whole time doing it right until my referral well maybe that's a sign but really thank you so they can find you well I mean what if they just want to read about like about you they can go to my website okay um which is oliviajewittherapy dot com.

SPEAKER_01 47:13

Okay um there you you can fill out they could go on a wait list they can go on a wait list although people aren't dropping your wait list no the wait the wait list doesn't move very fast but um but I try especially if if there's you know something that someone's really really needing I like to make those hi well thank you so much again for coming on thank you Kaylee appreciate you cheers thanks for tuning in