Taking Back Control: What Every Woman Needs to Know About Money After a Major Life Change

In this episode, Kaley sits down with Minneapolis-based financial advisor and transition specialist Cinda Collins, whose path to finance ran through pediatric nursing, soybean brokering, and bond trading before she found her calling helping women navigate the financial side of life's biggest changes. Together they get honest about the fear and avoidance so many women feel around money, what it actually looks like to step into financial ownership for the first time, and why it's never too late to start.

Cinda Collins is a Minneapolis-based financial advisor and transition specialist with a background as unique as the clients she serves. From pediatric nurse to soybean broker to bond trader before becoming a financial advisor in 1992. She's built a trusted reputation working with women navigating major life changes including divorce, inheritance, and retirement, bringing a rare combination of compassion, analytical depth, and real-world experience to every client relationship. When she's not in the office, you'll find her skiing, fly fishing, playing piano, or spending time with her grandchildren.

Transcript

0:13

Hi, welcome back to Reality Renewed. Today we have the wonderful Cinda Collins on with us, which I've known Cinda now. Oh my gosh, since I was probably a little five or six, yes. And it's just it's been so fun to know you throughout all these years. And then obviously me going through my transition in life and us reconnecting, and you've just been so helpful. And obviously, I've had you know uh a couple friends who are going through transition that you've been so wonderful to. So I just I feel so thankful to to know you and to uh have you come on our podcast. Well, thank you. I feel so grateful that I have my mission is to empower women and that I'm able to do that through many avenues, but in particular, empower them with their finances and help them have a clear but simple roadmap and move forward with grace and joy and happiness. I love that, which is so important. So maybe tell us a little bit about uh your background and and what you do. Okay, well, my background's eclectic. I actually my first degree is I got a degree in nursing. And I was a pediatric and intensive care nurse. Oh my gosh. And I wanted to be a doctor because I always w in I remember being 11, and they sent us home for the weekend and said, come back and Monday we're gonna discuss what you want to do in your life and who you want to be. And I just sat there and I thought, I just want to help people and make a difference in their lives. So my first drought was through the healthcare system, and I couldn't afford medical school, and it just I didn't really want to go into nursing long term. So I sat back, and in that day you had a book called What Color is my parachute, and kind of readdressed what were the things I liked and didn't, and came up with that I wanted to work with financial wellness rather than physical wellness for people. That is amazing. I never I never knew that, and I've known you all these years. I never knew you were not. So many people don't. And it's like they go, Well, how what's the similarities? Everything. Because when you are looking at transitioning or when you have a situation that you need to create a new plan, first thing you do is assess it, the next thing you do is come up with the plan, next thing is execute it, and then readdress it and re-evaluate it as life changes. Absolutely. So it evolved into this. It took me a while to get this way because at first it was the 80s, and I was offered secretarial jobs when I went back to take business courses and then get started. But finally, in 1992, I was hired as an advisor, and the rest is history. Oh, that's amazing. And you have two wonderful boys, and you just have a full and grandson, two gr two grandsons, two grandsons now, and so you just have such a full, amazing life. So I just feel so grateful. That's great. Well, you know, one of the reasons I wanted to have you on is I think it's so daunting when you're going through a transition. In my case, obviously it was divorce, but there's also women that come on, whether it's, you know, or are listeners who have lost a spouse or yes, and it which was so unfortunate. And I'm sure there'll be some other transitions that you can speak to, but I think it's really daunting. And I know for myself, you know, my ex had han handled all of the finances, and I was a stay-at-home parent, and so going through the divorce, I I had I knew nothing about like where our bank accounts were. You know, it was just such this process of relearning, and it was scary and overwhelming. And I'm thankful I had parents who could, you know, kind of walk me through it and help me through it, but a lot of people don't have that. They don't. Uh, and so I would love if you could kind of talk to a little bit about like you know, women stepping into this financial leadership for the first time and and sort of how best to to navigate it. Absolutely. You know, it's still in this day and age traditional households you divide and conquer. And I lost my husband when I was 47, and I knew all about the finances, but he did all the bill pain. And so, you know, when he did get sick, it was important to me to learn at that point what bills were being paid from what accounts, how they were set up, were they on a charge account, or you know, all of that kind of stuff. And for me, it was even daunting because I hadn't paid attention to our state plan, or I just focused on the investments. And so I think the most important thing is to step back, take a deep breath. And what I tell people is the first thing to do is I call it hunting and gathering. So it's a little more challenging these days because in the past we had hard copy statements. So I went to the files. But you need to know your bank accounts and your investment accounts, you need to know how you're insured, who's your insurance person. And so I just recommend everyone get a notebook and just write things down, and as you talk to people, take the name and telephone number and what services are they providing, and have each one of those explain to you what's your insurance, what does it look like? Um, and a lot of that comes via work. So there are so many, and it's just it's like I remember when my life changed. I likened it to one time I was sliding and I hit a tree and I got knocked out, and it was like someone pulled the rug out from under me, and all of a sudden I landed on my back, I had that big outburst of you know, your breath and you're knocked out and you're dizzy. And the first thing I did, because I was with my parents, is just kind of laid there, got my bearings, then I sat up, and it's just like that, slowly but surely. And anyone that's trying to rush you through the process, they're not the right person to be guiding you because you're gonna go forward two steps, backwards one, sometimes forward one, backwards two. And it's just part of the game. Slow and steady. I like that because I think it's so easy when you're going through it. It's like you just want to rush through everything, you want to get all the information as quick as possible, and you want to make decisions, and you know, and I think to your point, you just have to take a step back and really evaluate everything so you don't make the wrong decisions, especially when it comes to your finances and you know your future. Absolutely. You know, I'm a as you can imagine, being in finance, I'm a very type A personality where I want to plan, I want to know what it is, and I want to execute it, and all of a sudden, there was no plan. Right. And I was just like, oh my gosh, what do I do now? So I did. I took the first steps and just said, okay, get your handle on first the family, the kids, and get a sheet out. I'd never done a budget in my life. I'm 47 years old. I hadn't either. No. It was just intuitive, you know. I we have this money in the checking account. I'm spending this kind of money, and it all seems to work. And so a lot of people, when they do a budget, they go backwards. That was really daunting for me. So what I did was I got three manila folders and decided I was gonna go forward. And every bill that came in, I put it in there. I had all my basic needs were on auto-invest or auto um pull, auto pay, or um they were set up in a way that they were on a credit card. Okay. And in order to get a handle on my finances, for three months I went to straight cash for things like going to Target, for things like going to the grocery store, or going shopping for clothing or something like that, because what I discovered is that I did a lot of impulse shopping at that time. And it was to soothe my soul. So true. And so I normally when I walked into Target and spent money, it was a hundred bucks and fifty fifty dollars if that was impulse. Oh, it'd be nice to bring a new movie home for the kids. And once I went to cash and my list, I didn't deprive myself. That is not the thing to do because some people I see them do that where they stop doing anything that's fun. And you're gonna just be miserable. Right. So be realistic, and that just gave me a sense. I carried a little three by five card, and when I spent cash for different things, and then at the end of three months, I pretty much saw a pattern, and then had to look at the big bills that insurance comes once a year, um, house taxes come twice a year, all of those kinds of things. And that for me really worked because then I saw, okay, this is what my basic needs are. Here's what my things that are extra spending and my nice-to-have things, and put it together and then figure it out does my income flow meet my outcome flow? Hmm. That's a very good point. Because it needs to. Yeah. And for budgeting, you know, it can be complex, but there's a person, David Ramsey, that does an online course about spending. Okay. Because spending is a very emotional thing. And it came from our upbringing and the messages we heard. And oftentimes as women and in our household it was the same. You know, dinner ended, we went off to do the chores, and the men would sit around and talk, maybe finances, talk about the world as it existed that day. And the person that taught me about finances was my at that time 65-year-old Aunt Mildred. She was a librarian, single, and traveled the world and did everything she wanted. And I went and visited her in my 20s and I said, Aunt Mildred, what's the secret? And she said, I always take and pay myself first. I save for my retirement. I put 25% in my personal savings so that I have three to six months' emergency funds. God forbid I lose my job or something happens, I have immediate cash. And then she said, I learned early on to buy dividend-paying stocks. What that means is it's like, you know, interest that you get at the bank or if you have a certificate of deposit, a stock pays dividends. They want you to own the company and they reward you for that. So she took those cash flows and called them her Las Vegas money. And had a separate pile of that. And she'd go to Vegas and she said, if you go to Vegas or you're going to buy a Vegas stock, once you get whole, if you put $100, you brought it, when you have your hundred dollars, put it in your pocket, keep $20,000 and respending. And she had a great life. She traveled the world, and here she was, a librarian, and she died with $400,000 in the 90s. Amazing. It was amazing. That is amazing. And obviously lived a very good full life. Every time you have a lot of people. It was, and that's what I do to this day. I mean, for a lot of people, it's about cash flows. And so you buy your growth stocks, things for the future, the Amazons, the Apples, things like that. And you buy your dividend-paying stocks, which is your XL Energy and your gas and oil companies and different things like that. And then I tell people that's your mad money. As those dividends come in, we'll save them. If you need a new car, if you want to do an extravagant trip, you want to go to spa. We'll just save this. And then they don't feel none of us feel guilty about it. Right. We earned it by being smart. That's amazing. I think you come from such like a place of hope when you talk about it. Oh, thank you. Where it actually sounds like exciting and like it's, you know, versus like you can, there are different ways to diversify. And there are different ways to invest. And I think for me, and you know, as I'm listening to you, I'm like, okay, I gotta. I I still feel like I'm in this, I still feel a little bit disconnected from finances, if that makes sense. Um it takes a long time in just figuring it all out. It just, you know, it house payment, property taxes, all of your utilities, the kids and things that come along with kids. And so uh I love how you are, you know, easily laying it out. I think it's for me, I'm like, okay, I gotta remember. First of all, I need to talk to you after this. I'm sure there'll be a lot of others too, but how you are easily kind of laying that out, I think, especially for women who are stepping into this for the first time, you make it sound very comprehensive and like it's maybe not as as daunting. Oh, we try and keep it simple. I like people to visualize buckets. Okay. So you have your first bucket, and that's gonna be your money that you're gonna need soon. So part of that is, and a lot of us are starting at zero. And so, you know, by the time my husband died and I paid off the mortgage, there was really very little savings but for my 401k. So then I had to look at my budget and figure out, okay, how can I save a little bit each month? And I started by $50 a month. And then when I got a raise, I took part of that raise and maximized my 401k so that I could get my company match, because that's just free money. And then I put money in savings, another 25% for emergency needs, and the other 50 went to our day-to-day living. And then you have your like three to ten year bucket, and that's going to be the stocks I described that Aunt Mildred taught me about. The dividend, you know, they're gonna be steady eddies. It's gonna be really boring to have those stocks, but they're really important because as you use your emergency money, you take the dividends from bucket two and put them in bucket one. So you always have a bucket, and then your third bucket is gonna be for growth for the future. Okay. Retirement, a new home, uh second home, whatever it be. Okay. And then that's gonna have more of your growth stocks, your things that are gonna be a little more volatile and bounce around a bit more. So do you recommend so women like myself, you know, women in transition, women who have either gotten divorced or have lost a loved one, uh, obviously calling you would be the first step. But I mean, what is kind of like the first thing that you would recommend to them? Like, okay, you got you got divorced, you kind of know what you're either you got a lump sum or you're getting a monthly amount for a certain amount of years. Correct. Um, you know, you get child support. Usually, unfortunately, the child support's not much because it doesn't match the needs of the kids. Yeah, you know, in the state, it's just it's a formula, as you know. What would kind of be the first thing that you would say? Well, I think anytime you're going through a transition, and especially a lot of the um divorce attorneys have the women speak to us early on so that we can help with the budgeting process and help you um create a financial roadmap of what your needs are going to be going forward, because we have this tool called eMoney, and it really helps us put all this information into there and say, okay, what's my likelihood of success? And if it's not where we and you feel comfortable with, let's say you're at 60, 65 percent, we like to see them up closer to 75%, but of and to living to 94%, what's my likelihood of success? And so we adjust the income flows and the outflows, and do you need to go back to work? And several people have just needed to have their health care expenses covered and a little bit of a 401k savings. So they'll go, we'll recommend, you know, go to Starbucks or someplace like that and be a barista. And they've had a great time doing that. So it's just really stepping back and getting professionals involved before rather than after to help guide you through the process and be another set of eyes looking at this. Because divorce attorneys are great, but didn't you find it daunting where all of a sudden you just got this cash flow sheet? Yeah, yeah. And it says assets, which assets really, in simple terms, what do you own? What are the things that you can sell and they have value? And then you have liabilities, your debts, what do you owe? Mm-hmm. And then how does that all flow down and this and that? And it's it's daunting. It is. And I think unless you are a finance professional, I don't think it's something that just is, you know, when I looked at it, and quite frankly, I'm a finance major out of a good business school, but that doesn't correlate necessarily to being able to easily see how the cash flow is laid out, right? And oh, there's nothing intuitive. It was so confusing to me. Uh, and it still has been such, I would say, you know, it's still been hard just figuring out kind of like the day-to-day and figuring out like your expenses and oh yes. And I think it's just gonna be, but in a in another way too, I would say it's been really empowering for me because you know, being a stay-at-home parent and just, you know, obviously being a stay-at-home parent was a ton of work and yes, spending my time with the kids and my ex, you know, handled all the finances, but it I will say like it is empowering, like, okay, figuring out like your bills, figuring out auto pay, figuring out like insurance, property tax, you know, it I do have kind of I put together a budget, and I will say, like, there is an empowering way about it to be like, okay, I'm I'm doing this now, and I'm even trying, you know, to teach my girls about budgeting. We went to the art store yesterday uh after school, and my oldest really wanted this expensive like art pouch. It was like 50 bucks. I was like, you know, Ruby, I don't think you need a $50 out art pouch. She's like, Well, mom, I really want this art pouch. I need it will fit all my pencils, it'll fit my drawings, it will fit. And I said, you know, I think you'd be better off going on Amazon and finding a $10 one. But she felt so passionate about this. And so she said, you know, I know that for my birthday in November, I still have money left over that I've just been saving in my green light, uh, which is a great tool for kids. Yeah. Um, and it says, so if I get this pouch, can you just take, you know, the $50 out of my out of my green light and you can have the $50. And I was like, if this pouch really means that much to you and I know you have the savings, you can do it. And absolutely. I think like the more you can teach kids early on about budgeting is so good because growing up, you know, I didn't have, you know, my parents are amazing, amazing people, love them. But we didn't really grow up learning about budgeting. And we didn't either. Yeah, and and you know, learning about, and by no means were they just, oh, we'll give you guys whatever you want. It but it just didn't come up in the common day-to-day. It was kind of like, okay, you go to school, you have your extracurricular activities you go to. We always had clothes, we had food, we would travel. It was just yeah, it was never kind of part of the day to day. Right. You didn't discuss how much it was gonna t cost or where the money was coming from. No, and that is such a good lesson. Because it was what Ruby, you were trying to say, you know, the need would be $10, the want is $50. And if she's willing to take her money, then she really thought about it and really wanted that. And that's what these savings are for, and for all of us as well. Because I remember doing the same with my sons. Ben was really, he liked designer jeans. And so we went in and he wanted to buy, this was 2010, a pair of jeans that were $175. I'm like, honey, Levi's are $35. Right. And I said, Are you willing to spend some of your savings for it? And he said, No. And he said, Let's go to the Levi department. You know, so it's just instilling those little lessons of just not having an open pocket book and just giving them a free cash flow, you know, whatever they want. It's we need this. Yes, it's great that you want to have your art supplies organized. But how can we best accomplish it? Well, and I think it's hard too. And I've talked to to a couple friends who, you know, are stay-at-home parents and you know, got divorced. And, you know, I think about this and I had a really hard time at it to begin with, which was, you know, my ex has a a great job and he's still working. And so he's always gonna be able to outspend me, right? Oh, yes. And so I remember at first that was like very hard because I was like, oh, you know, and and I will say, I mean, he's a great dad, and he is very conscientious about doing the same thing with them and making sure they're not getting anything they want. But like, yeah, like he'll take them shopping or they'll do that, you know, and they come on with all this great stuff, and it's like you have that feeling where you're like, oh shit, should I be I need to take do I need to take them shopping? Or like, you know, where should I be going? And it's and then you have to have to take a step back and say, like, this isn't a competition for who can spend the most money. And quite frankly, he's always going to beat me in that respect. It's just it's the fact of the matter for most of us. It's the fact of the matter, and that I see exactly that happen where people feel like they have to keep up with them, and then it really crimps your budget, and you don't have to. Yeah, I I would say, and I encourage women in particular to just, and sometimes it's men that the situation is you know, either way these days, but I encourage them to say, you know what? I'm just grateful that they do that because it takes it off my plate and off my ledger. And so you can embrace it and know that he's going to do that and you have a good working relationship. Say, hey, if you're going shopping, the girls could use a couple of these, and you know, so or let the girls know, hey, you're going with that, and it sounds like you're gonna shop this weekend. Let's go through your closet or take a peek at things and see what is outdated or what you need so that they go empowered as well. I love that, and kind of having them be a part of it. I think it's so smart, and then yes, they know they're getting actually what they need too. Yes. And I love that idea of it's off, yeah, it's off your ledger, and it doesn't need to be a competition about who can spend more, like they're just happy to spend time with you. Yeah, and same thing with this house, you know. We I had moved out of um the house that we were living in together, and for me it was, you know, we were very amical about it. I, you know, it was a lot of house, and for me, I wanted to be in a different location, I wanted less house to maintain, but I remember at first it was the same thing. It's like, okay, are they gonna like my house as much? Like, are they, you know, you kind of go through all of that too of like, okay, you're downsizing, and I think you find that like kids are just happy to be with either parent. Like, they don't really care the size of the house or you know, what you ha all the different, you know, things you have, bells and whistles. They just they need their basic needs met, they want to be with their family, and you know, kids just ha love their home regardless. Right. And it's just their it's their happy place, and it also gives them a feeling of security and safety. It's predictable. Mm-hmm. And if they have two places that they go that are predictable, that's fine. Yep. And it just enhances the experience for them growing up. They see different, you know, different styles. The neighbors here are different than the other neighbors, and it's just an opportunity to grow a little further and deeper. Yeah, absolutely. So would love to talk to you, Cinda, about how women can feel disconnected from finances and sort of how you help them with those first initial steps. Absolutely. I mean, it's not unusual, and I felt that way myself, even getting into the finance world. And part of it is we just weren't taught and we weren't involved. And so it feels overwhelming because it's this new thing, and it's like I felt stupid and vulnerable. And so that was just, you know, admitting that I don't know is the hardest thing. And even in this day and age, me being an expert, there are times I don't know the answers. But the difference is I know the resources to go to, and I have a lot of them available to me because I caution people, I think a lot of people go to the internet these days. It's a great place to go. But you just have to be careful which resources you use because it's kind of garbage in, garbage out. And if you add a bay ask a basic question, there are gonna be a lot of good answers, but some that are very inaccurate. So and it's overwhelming. Even when I go to Google something or use Chat GBT for something new, there's all this private credit, and I'm trying to understand a little bit better of is this really a problem and what's it look like? And so I have to kind of go through and say, okay, CNBC is a reliable source. Uh, you know, BlackRock, Goldman Sachs, I go and look for recognizable names. And there's some people, their podcasts, their YouTubes, there's one called the Money Guys, they're really knowledgeable for just basic facts. What's compounding interest, what's an asset, what's a liability. So it's just overwhelming. And what I try and do is break it down to bite-sized pieces. And really, when someone comes in and we're, and I remember being in that situation, I mean, you just feel so broken and so raw. And so, and it feels like a really you're on a dark road. And so what I try and help them understand is I have a flashlight. And with our flashlight, we're gonna take it a step at a time. And sometimes we'll take more steps one day and less the others. But we aren't gonna look at the try and figure out what's at the end because it's too much. So break it down and make it simple and just put one foot in front of the other. Well, what I appreciate about you is that you're not judgmental, and you are so like I also think sometimes it's like you feel like embarrassed that you don't know more, you know. So you're coming in, you're like, I don't know. You and I I know just talking with you, it's like, you know, you're you're there to like hold your hand and say, like, this it's okay. I've I've been there, like yeah, we we're we got this, like you're in the right place. Yes, and we're gonna do this together, and you know, there's nothing to be embarrassed about, like, you know, where you you were the mom, you still are the mom, and it's gonna be okay. And I think it's so scary, and it can feel really isolating and really alone when you're going through a divorce. Absolutely. And then even, you know, when you have gotten divorced, it can still feel even if you have amazing friends, amazing family members like I do, it sometimes can still feel really isolating. So I think having someone like you to be able to bounce ideas off and feel like you're being taken care of, right? Uh-huh. And seen and heard, I think is really important. It is because whatever transition we go through in life, for me, I grieve what I used to have. And that part of grief takes you back to some old feelings of insecurity, and like you say, I feel stupid or I feel not knowledgeable or I feel vulnerable. And so I think exactly like you're saying, it's just important to step back and take baby steps. And you know, I have people call me about really simple things like, oh, my refrigerator is making a really bad noise, and what should I do? And it's like, get a new refrigerator. Yeah. Or I have some women that are like driving a car and they're driving a lot and it's kind of limping. I'm like, uh-uh, not okay with that because that is not safe. And so let's sit down and look at do we have in our budget a new car? Does it make sense for you to lease a car? Or does it make sense for you to finance a car? So we look at the different details and just look at the different options. And I mean, I, you know, people will pick up the phone and call me and say, I'm really embarrassed about this question I'm gonna ask. And I said, Don't be. Yeah. There's no stupid question. It's just it's empowerment. Absolutely. Getting more knowledge. Absolutely. And how do I proceed? Well, and I would love to, I mean, I know we've been focusing on women in transition, but I would love, I mean, because I know and I've talked to friends who are still married, who still have, who have no idea about their finances. Uh-huh. Is there, I mean, how do you recommend women who, you know, maybe don't know about their current financial state? I mean, are there simple questions that they can ask their partner or simple questions that they can ask, you know, if it's their financial advisor or even their banker, just to sort of get like a high-level blueprint? Because I truly had no idea. Right. And it's not unusual, but I think uh there are two things. One is really important to um attend the meetings with the financial advisor at least once a year. Okay. Have an annual review, and you know, your partner should be willing to do that so that you understand, it gives them a butter better understanding. And then the other thing is what Bob and I did, because we both handled different parts of our finance, is once a year we would what have what we call date night. And it wasn't really, you know, what a fun date. Yeah. But anyway, we'd have a date night and we'd sit down and go through where we at, where our things. I'd show him in my filing cabinet where the things were about investments, and I'd go over kind of the basics of what we have, what it looks like, is this what our emergency fund is, what our you know, second bucket is, and what our third bucket looks like, and then he'd go through he was a lawyer, so the estate plan. What are the new laws? He worked with the accountant. What do we have to think about with the accountant? Is there anything new there? And then the bill paying. So I think that, you know, as uh we oftentimes just ignore it, and it's just important to say, you know what, honey, I think for both of us, you need to know the things I'm handing it handling in the household and where the money's going and how it's set up and what all these things look like. And I need to do the same. Because oftentimes what you found find is one of the times I realized our estate plan hadn't been updated in ten years and a lot of laws had changed. And I said, Bob, it seems like our estate plan isn't up to date. And he said, You're right. So it's just being part of those meetings. And that's really what a partnership is. Exactly. Go to the estate lawyer meeting, go to the accountant meeting when you're going over, handing over the taxes or looking at them at the end. Um, just be part of the process. You don't have to be part of the day-to-day. But at minimum once a year, and oftentimes every six months is nice. That's great advice. I wish I wish I had done that. Yeah. All of us. Mm-hmm. And I know it wasn't I mean, when I brought it up to Bob and you know, we had a very traditional marriage in a lot of ways, and he grew up in a small town, and he said, Why do you need to know that? Or why do we have to do that? That seems like a boring date night. And I said, It is a boring date night, but it's really an important one. And I'm sure you're so thrilled that you did that. Oh, absolutely. And you know what? Now my boys do it with their wives. Oh, that's amazing. Because they knew about it. So a lot of these things you're just setting the example. And talk to your kids about it. Dad and I are having a date night and we're going over our finances. I love that. You know? Yeah. I think that's so um, that's so great. And I think, you know, talking like that, it's really building your financial identity, right? It is. And empowering you so that you have independence. Because I know one of the things that um several people have mentioned to me is oh, I'm gonna f feel more secure when I find a partner or someone new in my life. And I said, uh-uh. Independence and knowledge is what's gonna make you successful, and then you can go into a new partnership with that empowerment and that strength, and really know have a good sense of where you're at. Well, because yeah, and for me, like how I'm really viewing this next chapter of my life is like I want to, you know, the obviously, like, through you know, this is now my money, and I need to manage it myself. Yes, you do. And, you know, yes, I have a partner now, but we keep our finances completely separate. I think that's a very smart idea. I, you know, personally at this stage of my life, and I I don't see it changing, but like I I don't want to get married again, you know, and I agree. For me for me too. Yeah, and so I think it's just you know, and he is a wonderful, wonderful person, but I think it's really important for me in this stage of my life, and especially having, you know, three little girls and uh a lot of responsibility is just to make sure that I'm doing the right thing for myself and for my kids. And so I think having that financial independence is extremely important, absolutely. And it's daunting, right? I mean, it's you know, I was joking with my mom yesterday. It's like, you know, I'm doing this podcast and I have the three kids, and then my dad actually asked if I could come work a couple days a week for him because he's just you know, the man is 78 years old. And sorry, dad, I said you're A John. But he's overwhelmed. Just kidding, you're 60. Um, yes, he's overwhelmed. So he wanted me to come in a couple days a week, and so my plate is like very full, but also I'm viewing it as, you know, I'm 38 years old, and the more money that I can kind of start slowly putting away, the better. The earlier the better. It's like Warren Buffett said in one um article that I was reading. Um, someone was asking him, when's the first the best time to get started and saving? And he said, yesterday, and when's the second best? Today. So you're exactly right. Just empower yourself, save. If you take on this um, you know, helping your dad out, take a piece of that and have it be fun money and have a part of it be savings. Whether it be for the next ten years or further out into retirement savings, and it can be a combination of both. Yes, I need to I need to talk to you more about this after. Yeah. After I mean, because it's it is very daunting. Um it is, and I think one of the things that I have learned in helping women right from the beginning before, you know, as they're going through the discovery and potential divorce process or any time, and I was guilty of this. We I made a budget that was just made it, it didn't have any wiggle room in it. So for about the first six months, I was like, oh my god, at the end of every month I felt so stressed out. And then I stepped back and went, What's wrong with this picture? Add some cushion in here. Okay, sure. You know, because when you go through a divorce and you go they have you go backwards as to what your spending patterns were and things like that, and you can't just cut it in half. No. Because all of a sudden you're gonna have two households and two fo food bills. So that's where I really come into play early on is making sure that most people intuitively say, okay, if we're spending $10,000 a month, five is yours and five is mine. Well, that's not realistic as you know going through it. Right. Right. Yeah, it's a lot. Um it is a lot. And one of the things that I do recommend when people get new partners and um have another person in their life, keep everything separate, but then you can open up a joint account and have one joint credit card where you each put X amount of money in it each month, and that's your joint say your joint spending. Even if you end up living together, do it that way so that if there's a house sold and you're both paying for part of it. I mean, you since you own this house are gonna want to have the mortgage be on your plate, but there's still taxes and insurance and upkeep and all of that kind of stuff and utilities and several of those should be shared on, shared. And you just have to decide with your partner what is the right mix. I don't know. I kind of like living alone, Cinda. Oh, I agree. I was like, I don't know. It kind of is nice, like best of both worlds. Living alone, and uh well, obviously I have my girls and you know, my partner and I have a good we have a very good balance of when we spend time together and but I don't I uh it's I don't mind just living living alone. It's kind of great. I I have to say it took me once my kids left um and went off to college at first I was a little lonely, but I just I like being able to do what I want when I want. Yes, and not having to answer to anyone, yes, and not having anyone that you know criticizes me. Yes, tells me I should do it differently. One thousand percent. One thousand percent. I have a friend, she lives out of state, and she called me, uh, and you know, she's thinking about getting divorced, and she's feeling, you know, very like sad and lonely and you know, worried about it, obviously, all the things that come with it. And she's like, Don't you get lonely? Or I'm like, let me just tell you, when it's the end of the day and my ex has the kids, and I'm maybe not seeing my partner that night, and I'm sitting on the couch with a glass of wine and watching whatever show I want and ordering whatever DoorDash I want, it's like because you don't have that life before, right? Or do you just have so much autonomy? I know. So I was like, trust me, everything will be okay. You'll be so full of life, like with your kids, with your friends, and you know, it it's gonna be okay. That was such great advice because it's so true. I mean, it's just like, oh, it's like sometimes I'm just so tired. Totally. I want to go to bed at eight o'clock with a good book. Yes, exactly. I want to put, I want to wash my face, put sweatpants on, and just lounge. Yeah. So well I would love to talk about kind of the process like your process and sort of how it works. I know all financial advisors do it a little bit differently, would you say? Yeah, no, everyone has a style, and I think um my style is very steady eddy, so it's really um you know, an initial just let's get together and talk and see if it's a good match. Because different people have different values and ways that they look at money, and just keeping it very simple, and so it's once we establish that, then we will you know have a list of a few things that next time when we meet that we need to take a look at. Oftentimes I'm giving someone a budget worksheet, um, depending on what their situation is, if they're going through transition. Several years ago, at the ask of um the divorce community, I wrote a transition workbook that just kind of walks through it's very simple, very how-to, what documents do you need, what do you need to consider, and what do you need to explore. Which I have them, and I know I'm gonna get asked a lot for them after the podcast. So make sure you have some for more for me because that's a great workbook. Oh, thank you. It really is helpful. I mean, I have people that are married and I've given it. Women have said, Well, I'd love to have one to, you know, in case a friend or something needs it. And they're just like, Wow, there are a lot of things I've never thought about because a lot of us don't even think about our personal safety. And it's like you need to get an alarm system, or do you? Do you need a ring? Do you, you know, have a trusted friend that has an extra set of car keys, house keys. You need to have someone that has all your passwords. But more than anything is bring in, we usually want bank statements and investment statements in particular, and we'll do a financial intake, and then we just start the process of gradually um moving forward. But a lot of people are really at that point in a place where they're deer and headlights. So what we encourage them to do, or I do, is open up one account and let's get one account that you look at at a regular basis. Let's start slow and buy some conservative stocks and some CDs in there. Some people are just only comfortable at first starting with CDs and treasury bills and something so secure. But that's okay. So it's just getting your I I think it's getting a pulse on where you're at emotionally, financially, and the different moving parts in your life, and then just going forward. And the most important thing that we do at the point that someone has moved assets to us and has committed to working with us is doing using a financial planning tool called e-money, where we can really create a roadmap for what do we need to do in the next year? What's five years look like? What's ten years look like? And it you have to update it regularly. So I would love to know, because I know people do it differently. Yes. Some people in a divorce will get like a lump sum. Yes. And then some people will just get like a monthly amount. How would you how do you kind of manage both of those? Like if they're like, we can't give you a lump sum to invest, but we're getting, you know, this monthly amount. I mean, are there other kind of ways that you work with them as well? Absolutely. They're just it, there's not one um, there's just, you know, there's just not one way. It's very customized, I would say. That's amazing. That's the most important part is where you're at and where do you want to go. And it's customized according to your needs. That's great. Because I feel like, and I love how yours is very much like a holistic approach in terms of it's like the whole picture, right? Right. And it's not just about managing the money and having another client. I mean, you're really looking at kind of the whole picture of that person, and like, let's make sure you're safe and you're having all that taken care of, and then you know, let's kind of figure out how you know, long-term you can be in a good, you know, financial position. And a lot of it is talking to people about first, what are your goals? And then second, what's your risk tolerance? Which many of us, it's a big bad word. Risk tolerance, what does that mean? It means if you invest a thousand dollars in the market, how comfortable are you if it goes down ten percent? Your thousand goes to nine hundred and ninety versus and once it goes up to one thousand one hundred dollars. So it's just getting a sense and having them go through the process of saying, what's I I have it's such a variety, and I'm always surprised. A lot of younger people tend to be more conservative, and people more my age want to do some Las Vegas stuff. Okay. And I have to pull in the reins a little bit and say, okay, we can have five to ten percent of the portfolio Las Vegas, but we have to have this nest egg. And then for people that start out more conservative, absolutely, let's start conservative. And then once we have those buckets, the first ones filled, then we can try a little something, you know. Because right now people want to have a little in crypto, a little in AI. You know, there's so many different things that are kind of sexy and fun. And I want to have those. Right. They're fun, but also they are jumping around. You know, last month was some of them were down 20%. But that was my piece. That's the um statement that I don't look at. Yeah. That account I keep separate and I just don't look at it except very often. That's smart. Yeah, because you know what, that's your long-term money. And AI, we don't know how quickly it's gonna become a reality. Yes, crypto is being used, and I don't recommend that people go and buy actual crypto. There's indexes where you can get a basket of the different ones, Ethereum and all the different ones. And you want liquidity. You want to be able to get in and out and have money available in a short period of time if you were to need it. Well, great. That's so I mean, I'm learning so much from this episode, and I know so many others will as well. Well, I think one of the things, too, that's really there are a couple of good things too, um, a couple of good kind of basic things that I learned when I was going through all this, and one was the 24-hour rule. So I worked downtown, and I had Neiman's and I had Sachs, and at that time Dayton's. And some days if I wasn't feel good, I'd go for retail therapy, I called it. And I'd see something, and I learned early on to just step back. At that time you could put it on hold, but just think about it for 24 hours, go look at your closet. Is it something that's gonna really make a difference? Because that makes a huge difference because oftentimes when we're in transition, or for me when I'm feeling raw, retail therapy is my first place to go. It just feels really good. Trust me. Exactly. If you see the boxes here sometimes, I I I yes, absolutely. And it's a lot easier these nights to do that night scrolling and something comes across. So anyway, do that and always save regularly, pay, pay yourself first, avoid the shiny new objects until you understand them. Crypto was one of them, AI was one of them. And the biggest thing is this is a journey and it takes time. And it's like going on a road trip. Well, we're in Minnesota, but going on any road trip, you're gonna hit detours, you're gonna have to make U-turns, you're gonna have all sorts of things in front of you, and you can't predict them. So if you go at it steady and slowly one step at a time, it's just it's a much easier way because if you hit a roadblock, you're going slowly, you can stop as opposed to hit it and crash. Yeah, absolutely. And yeah, I think keep it simple. And I think more than anything, have confidence. As women, we are all capable of doing this. And actually, a lot of the studies show women are better than men because we're a little more um conservative and we're a bit more consistent. And in the long run, if you stay in the market for a long time rather than bouncing in and out of it, the you know, history shows from someone like Warren Buffett, that's how you build success. Oh, that's amazing. Well, thank you so much, Cinda, for coming on. This has been truly such an amazing uh learning experience for me, and I've learned a lot, and I know our our listeners will will feel the same way. So uh a couple things for so you we'll have more copies of that transition workbook so people can find it that way, and then you know, if they want to get in contact with you, you just let us know the best way to do it. Yeah, I have uh website W Wcollins WMG, which sounds stands for wealthmanagement group.com. Okay, wonderful. You can look up how we do things and if we might be a good match. And if not, don't hesitate to pick up the phone and call me because I'll help you find someone who is. Wonderful. Well, thank you so much, Cinder. Thank you for having me and go girls. Yes, I love it. We can do it. Yes. Thank you.