Letting Go of Fear & Coming Home to Your Authentic Self

In this episode, we explore the quiet way fear shapes our lives.  If you've ever felt like you're not fully being yourself, like there's more inside you waiting to be expressed, then this episode will help you reconnect with your authentic self and remind you that the life you want isn't out of reach; it's just on the other side of fear.

Transcript

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Hi, and welcome back to another episode of Rooted and Rising with me, your host, Tanya Parker. I hope you're all well today. It's a nice and sunny day here where I am. I'm not sure what it's like where you are or where you're listening to it today. But we've got a nice bit of blue sky and it doesn't half make you feel good. Anyway, let's get into today's episode. So, today's episode I want to talk about letting go of the fear and coming home to your authentic self. So, what do I mean by that? Well, there's a quiet kind of control that fear has over our lives. It's not always loud, doesn't always shout, stop doing that. Or sometimes it's just a whisper. Like a little voice in the back of your head. What if it didn't work out? What if you fail? Or what will people think? Before we even realise it, we've built an entire life avoiding those whispers. We may stay safe in a job, you know. I've known people who's been in the same job for 20, 30 years, and do they like that job? Probably not. Why do they stay in it? Because it's safe. And that's better than facing the fear. Or we might give us opinions to ourselves. Or didn't parts of us that we just don't quite feel accepted. I've got strange little ways that I think for years I just kept hidden and didn't let people know that side of me because you don't really want to be judged, do you? I remember once walking my dog, and there were a man walking with his headphones on. And he was just singing at the top of his voice, and he's just walking his dog, and at first my initial reaction was kind of to have a bit of an inner laugh at him, thinking, Oh my god, he's singing, everybody can hear him. Oh gosh. And then I actually switched that around and thought, how guy don't care? And he's enjoying himself, he's walking his dog, he's got his headphones on, and he really doesn't just care, he just does not care what people are thinking. And there's some freedom in that. Can't think what the word is I'm looking for. I'll think of it anyway. But there's there's something just freeing about that, about being able to just be in that moment and do whatever you want, regardless of who's watching you or who might be judging you. And I want my dog every morning now, around about half past six, and I put my headphones on, and if I want to have a boogie while I'm walking, I'll have a boogie. If I want to do a little bit of a few yoga moves while I'm walking, I'll stop and do some yoga moves, I'll do whatever I feel. To be honest, there's nobody else around, so nobody else can see me, but these are the odd few houses that look on, and if they do see me, I don't care anymore. But the older me would have done. The older me wouldn't have done it. So why do we why do we suddenly stop doing that? When you think back to your childhood, you know, you'd dance around, you used to be at school, and you'd do dances in playground, or you'd skip somewhere if you felt like skipping, and as we get older we stop. We stop doing them things because it's like, oh no, you can't do that now because you're older. And I remember doing some training on inner child and nurturing your inner child and reparenting your inner child, and I actually thought I don't think I really need to reparent mine, I just need to tell her it's okay to come out and be her, because there's an innocence when you're a child, and there's a living in the moment aspect to it that you lose as you become an adult, because again, the fear, the fear of being judged, the fear of what will people think of you? You know, if you just start if there's a song come on in supermarket and you've had a little boogie to it, people are gonna look at you and stare and laugh, but why should we be bothered? I think for people that if anybody's familiar with David Icke, I remember when he went on the Teddy Wogan show years ago, and he was ridiculed, and the things that he spoke about were too far-fetched from reality for people to comprehend. And he was laughed at and ridiculed by Teddy Wogan, by the people that were in the audience, by the people at home, and he became the laughing stock of the nation. And then I watched an interview um some years later, about that previous interview, and he spoke about how freeing that was, that everybody had just laughed at him, so it's kind of he can't get any lower than that. People can't laugh at him any more than what they did. So it gave him this kind of freedom that he just didn't care. So although we were all sat there, well I wasn't sat laughing because I think I was too young, I don't think I watched the interview at the time, but you know, or the general public was sat there laughing at him. They're the ones that are still trapped in their cadre of fear. I'm not saying you have to agree with everything he says, that's not that's not what I'm here to debate, but the freedom of him just be able to speak his mind. Now we're not saying speak your mind that you know you don't want to go up to somebody and say, I don't like you, or I think you look ugly today, or you look a little bit plump in that, or you know. Not there's manners, we don't need to be rude. But I think if you've got an opinion on something and you want to voice it in a right way, or you've got something that you want to talk about, I have a lot of controversial um they're controversial the right, maybe not, I'm not sure. I have a lot of unusual and weird thoughts about life, and I will share them with anybody. And if if I'm talking to somebody and they're just like, I don't believe that, that's rubbish. Fine, that's fine, I won't even bother conversing with that person. That's their up to them to live their life how they want. I believe in what I believe in. When it comes to like religion and things like that, I will listen to everybody else's what their views are, and I'll respect everybody's views, and then I'll you know, I've got a lot of views of my own. But I don't ever want to feel that I can't voice them views. I wouldn't ever say anything that's insulting to anybody or derogatory or anything like that, but I have my thoughts that might not be right, but they're my thoughts, and I'm allowed to have them thoughts. And I think, especially in this day and age now, people are so fearful of everything, feared that everything that they say is taken the wrong way, or fear that they're going to be judged on what they say or what their opinion is. People don't even have an opinion now, and I think that's quite scary to think that you know you you can't have that opposition to somebody else. I'm happy for people to disagree with what I believe in. That's totally their right, and sometimes I'll listen to their point of view and I've maybe changed my mind and gone along with what they've thought and thought, well, I never really looked at it like that. But the fear of not being able to talk about what you want to talk about and voice your opinion is not really a world I want to live in. I want to be able to speak them things. But going back to like David Icke, like I said, I'm not saying whether I agree with the things he says or not, some I do, some I don't. Some of the stuff is voiced, you know, have come right. So there was some truth in some of it. But it was just a way that people laughed at him. They didn't even try to understand him, they're just, oh, you're either fit into society or you're deemed a nutter. I've been called odd, weird, strange, just for some of the ways that I am. But when I was younger, that never bothered me. In my teens it never really bothered me. I'd quite happily stand out from the crowd, I'd quite happily go. If everybody went left, I'd go right, if they went up, I'd go down, whichever. I kind of liked being awkward. Sometimes awkward on purpose, which is not always the greatest thing, but hey, we live and learn. But as I've got older, you find that you squash yourself a little bit. You know, you want to fit into that box, that box that society thinks we should fit into. And then as I've got older, older, I'm not older, but I'm older, older, I don't care about that box now. There's a song that I used to listen to by a guy called Frank Carter, and it's called Crowbar, and it's basically saying that people live through fear, and we put ourselves in this box, and don't be afraid to get that crowbar and get yourself out of that box. And ever since I heard that song, I can't not live like that now. And I learned that I don't need to fit into what society deems acceptable. I don't cause harm to anybody, I don't steal, I'm not, you know, I don't do anything that I shouldn't do. I'm just happy being me, and I think it's quite freeing. But then you have to learn a lot about who you are because I think when you've learnt to live with the fear and you've controlled who you are and you've fitted into that box, it's kind of like you're coming out of a shape that wasn't actually you, and you've now got to try and find what shape you are. You've come out of this square box. So, what shape am I? Am I going to be round? Am I going to be og long? And you've got to let yourself evolve into that shape and find out what you like and what you don't like. But I just remember there were an episode of Friends, and it if anyone's watched Friends, you might remember it, but there was an episode with the two girls, Rachel and Phoebe, and they'd gone jogging. And Rachel was very aware of her, what she looked like aesthetically. And Phoebe just didn't care. Phoebe was one of them that you would call weird or strange or odd or and she just ran like she did when she was a child. And then Rachel wouldn't go running with her because she didn't want to look like that. And then it turned out that Phoebe pointed out to her, but I enjoy myself when I'm running, I have fun. And you kind of look at it from the other way around, then as like, does it matter how I run? Who who cares who's watching me? Who cares as long as you're enjoying yourself? That's all that matters. Because the thing is as well, we're worried about what people think of us. And it might be a fleeting, oh God, look at them, they look daft. But then they've gone and they're doing some at the self, they're not bothered, they're getting on with their own life. And sometimes people aren't even really paying that much attention to you. I think there's a thing, I'm not sure if I've got it right, but something like the the invisible person where you can go to an event or go somewhere and you're so paranoid of what people are thinking of you and how they're looking at you, and is your clothes looking nice? Are they judging you? And they've got their own stuff going off, they're not even looking in your direction, they couldn't even care less. So you're worried about things that don't even matter. But once you step outside that box, once you get that crowbar and get yourself out of that box, and you discover who you are, that's then authentically who you are. And I think you'll find that your life feels a lot more peaceful when you break out of that box. But when you think how many things are there in life that we daren't try because either we're scared to do it because we're scared to do it because it you know it might be like a bunch of jump that you know you're genuinely scared to do, or that you're just fearful of how it might not work out. But I've tried things that I've enjoyed. I've tried I always say I'll pretty much give anything a try once, and if I don't like it, then that's fair enough, but at least I've give it that try. I'll try anything, not always good at it, to me to say I don't like it. I remember I remember once, years and years ago, a friend wanted me to go to school but I haven't and I I just really didn't fancy it. I thought, do you know what? I'll go. And I went and I loved it, I thought it was brilliant. I'd not push myself. I don't know if it were fear or whatever, it was such a long time ago, I can't remember why I didn't want to do it. But if I'd not pushed myself, I wouldn't have found something that I actually enjoyed doing. Did I carry it on? No, but that's just me. I flicked from one thing to another quickly. But the fear of not doing anything wants to be greater than the fear of doing it and failing. Because who cares if you fail? So what? If you fail and you've tried, isn't that better than not doing it anything? Oh, because you're guaranteed to fail then, aren't you? You've got a chance that you might actually fly and like it. You know, what if you do so? What if you find something that's really for you? I wanted for years to do yoga and I kept putting it off and putting it off, and I did yoga at home with the lady off YouTube and stuff like that. And then I found a local yoga class, and it took me a lot of courage to go in. I'm not really um a shy person by any stretch, but it still took me a lot of courage to go in. I thought, oh what if I go in? I was like really flexible and I looked really and I thought, but you know what, everybody's got to start somewhere. Everybody's got that first time. And I went in and I absolutely loved it, and I've been going ever since, and I've met some lovely women, I've got the most fantastic yoga teacher, and it's been a massive change in my life. Do you imagine if I hadn't just taken that first step and gone through that door and gone, ah, do you know what? I'll let fear win. I'll let fear win on this time. And I'd miss out on so much. Like I said, I could have gone, could have walked in. Yeah, no, it's not for me. That's not a failure. But at least I know. It's like ticking it off. You know, you try some at some food, you might say, Well, I'll have a bite of that if I don't like it, I won't have it again. But you never know if you don't try it. Although I'm saying that I'm a bit of a picky eater, so that's probably not the best analogy for me to use. But what is the fear that's holding you back? What fears are controlling you? And have a sit down with yourself and think, what would I really like to do? What would I really like to have a go at? Is it a business I'd like to set up? If you've set it up and it feels so hot. You know, when you look at the grand scheme of things, we're a little we're one person. You're one person on a big earth that when you even scale out is just a tiny little dot in the universe. And in a hundred years' time we'll all be dead. So what does it matter? What does it matter if somebody wants to laugh at you? You know, you see all these people that are doing TikTok and you know, this some might go on and I think, oh god, that's a bit lame. But they're making a lot of money and they're having a nice life from it, so who cares? Who cares what they're doing? Let 'em. The words of Mel Robinson, let them. Let them do them. You do you. Focus your attention on what you want to do for yourself. Focus on where you want your life to be. If it's that you want to have a go at, I recently got a paddle board last year, can I stand up on it? Can I always like, I will try this summer, will I make myself look stupid? 100% I will. So what? If that music comes on and you want to dance, just dance. We were in um A E the other week with my friend and we were there for six hours wait. And we had fun. We chatted to people uh as fun as much as you can in A and E in the middle of the night on them rock hard chairs, obviously, but we didn't sit there, we just I'm not fearful of talking to the person next to me, I'm not fearful of doing something that you know people deem silly. We got chatting to some girls next to us and we're having a little sing-along, and and that to be honest, our night just whiz by. And I actually came out I'd had fun, which might sound a bit daft, but life is what you make it. And if you're gonna live in that box and live in fear, and then what what are you gonna do? You're gonna get to end your life and regret everything that you wish you'd have tried. I wish I'd have tried snowboarding, I wish I'd have tried cold water swimming, I wish I'd have tried bungee jumping, parachute jumping, whatever it is, just try it, just go for it. Yes, the fear's needed for certain aspects, but it's there for a reason. But you have to differentiate the fear between something that's dangerous and probably kill you. To do you know, we don't want to start doing stupid stunts in the street and you know, breaking your neck and things, but the fear of if your fear's just how will I look, or what if I fail? Even what if I don't like it and I've wasted that time. Well it's not a waste, is it? I don't see it as a waste. If you've gone and tried something and you've not enjoyed it, well, it's not a waste. Like I said, I could have paid for that first yoga lesson, gone and not enjoyed it. But at least I know then I take that off. I don't remember my deathbed thinking, oh God, I really wish I'd have gone to yoga. I wish I'd have tried doing that, because that one thing might just be the one thing that really lights you up, that really makes you think, wow, this is great, this is fantastic, I love it. We went to Glastonbury a few years ago, well, probably about ten years ago now. My husband never really wanted to go, not his thing at all. Had no interest in going. And we had a group of friends who were going and kind of ganged up on him, and he agreed to go. He will tell you now that it's probably one of the best weekends of his life. He would have missed out on that. What it fear? More probably just lack of not wanting to adventure into something that he didn't want to do, I suppose. Not quite fearful, but still the same thing. But put fear to one side, put that in a box and go out and try and do it because it the ride is over quickly. Life whizers by so fast and to not do something because fear is holding you back. I mean, say this podcast for instance, I like talking absolute well, some people might say rubbish, but I can just babble on for hours and hours, and I've wanted to do a podcast for oh probably the last three years, and the courage to actually pick up and just put my voice on an headset and post it out for the world to listen to took a lot of courage. And there will be people that'll listen to laugh at you, there will be people that'll listen to judge, but I don't care. And it's quite freeing that you don't care because that so what if they want to laugh? So what? What difference does it make to me? If I've got fifty people that that listen in purely just to laugh at me and ridicule me, so what? I'm not bothered. And it if it entertains them, we'll crack on, you know. But I think that says a little bit more about them than it does me. Because if you're listening to somebody to ridicule them, why are you doing what you want to do? Why do you want to listen to somebody to ridicule them? Maybe you need to look at your own fear. Because maybe sometimes it's a little bit envy, not that they want to do what you're doing, but people envy you being who you want to be. And people can envy like I said, the young man that I saw walking his dog with his headphones on. I won't at first my initial reaction was to, oh God, to laugh, you know, oh God, he's singing, everybody can hear him. And then I stopped and thought about I'm thinking it that's freeing. He just doesn't care. And that's a great place in life to be. That's a really good place in life to be because once you stop caring what other people think, then that's when the freedom comes. And that's when you can be who you really want to be, and that's when you can be the most authentic self. So you never know the life you're craving could just be on the other side of fear. Not once you've conquered it, but once you've learned to walk alongside it. Because it might not be that the first time you try something, that fear just disappears. But let it sit with you. It's okay. Welcome in. But what if that life is on the other side of here? Anyway, thank you for listening to my ramblings. I hope you go live your life free of fear. See you on the next one. Bye.