Most People Get Anxiety Wrong — Here’s What To Do Instead // The Happiness Blueprint e011

Jason, from The Rockstar Project, shares how touring transformed his life, why he returned to summer camp as an adult, and how he recommends facing anxiety!

0:00 Jason from The Rockstar Project
0:23 Helping People Realize Their Role
1:31 From Tour to Talks
6:14 Returning to Summer Camp
13:00 Anxiety Will Find A Way In
17:18 Advice for Past Self
20:46 What Makes Jason Happy

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

This is the Happiness Blueprint. The podcast where we uncover how people build happier lives. Hi friends, this is Peter. Welcome back to the Blueprint Happiness Blueprint Podcast. Wow. Starting off strong here. Coming back from a lunch break and mentally and physically all in what. I'm here with Jason from the Rockstar Project. Nice to meet you, Jason. Good to meet you. I'd let's first understand what is the Rockstar Project. How are you helping me making people happy?

SPEAKER_01 0:22

Uh the Rockstar Project is the umbrella name for all the different programs that I started doing at colleges. Um and a lot of the work I do is helping people connect to each other and uh feeling confident about who they are, how they're showing up for others, how they're showing up for their friends and their families. And the language that I use, the rock star language, is that it's your instrument and how your instrument shows up for the band, and then how your band can have an impact on the audience. And so uh I think there's a lot, uh I think there's a lot of folks who don't feel that they make a difference. And when um we can put it into a context that that every every little thing that you do that's that's positive and making a difference, it it you you are um you're a rock star.

SPEAKER_00 1:00

I believe that. Yes, I like that a lot. I come from a sports background, I think there's a similar thing here of even the guys on the bench. It's like by being on the bench, by going hard in practice, you're making everyone better. So if you don't get to see the field, you are still actively involved in it. And it's not like the rock star mentality here is a similar thing of like it can be hard to see the ripple we have out on the people around us, right? I think we all do make a difference, but it's hard to see and hard to appreciate. And it sounds like you've taken on yourself to help people appreciate the positive impact they can make on their communities. Definitely is that a better way to paraphrase it? Absolutely. Um, where does the rock star come from? I assume you're a musician then. I assume this comes from your own rock star pursuits. Help me understand the foundation.

SPEAKER_01 1:32

Uh so I I'm I'm a drummer and a guitar player and I a singer, and I live in Nashville, Tennessee. And I was touring as a musician uh full time and then um had opportunities to speak to groups. Um, I was invited years ago to speak to student government in Connecticut, and I didn't know how I was gonna frame what I was gonna tell them. And the advisor who worked at the school um told me how I was gonna do it. Interesting. And she said, You are gonna have a keynote that's gonna be called Get Your Show on the Road, and you're gonna talk about launching your rock starness. And I was like, You're right, I am, and so I I can't take credit for it, but I've definitely grown the content and the ideas. But um, I was known in the college world in all those years as a member of a very popular indie band at the time, and then as a solo singer-songwriter, I toured um, and and there was a year in which I did a hundred colleges in a semester.

SPEAKER_00 2:25

In a semester.

SPEAKER_01 2:26

In one semester, yeah. Oh my goodness, yeah. So I had developed really strong relationships with schools, and uh and and it carried over. Once they heard that I was doing workshops, so it for years I was booked as a musician, and then the workshops would be like, oh, I'll come early and we'll do this other thing. And now my career is morphed into like we're bringing you in to speak, and maybe we'll get you to play later. But like, I think my impact and I think where I'm actually serving the communities the best is actually in in sharing ideas and facilitating networking and facilitating confidence building and helping groups work better together.

SPEAKER_00 3:04

The touring aspect of this is familiar to me as well, and I think it's such a beautiful way to see the world. I don't think I appreciated how big the world was until I was in each city, is then these grassroots, and you meet the the venue staff and you realize all the different niches, and it feels like a uh superpower, a super human way, uh supreme way to meet people and appreciate culture and community. Was that kind of a uh informative foundation for you? It sounds like it was a really yeah impactful way.

SPEAKER_01 3:28

I I think so. I also lived in Mexico City, I lived in Brussels, Belgium, I lived in Milan, Italy as well. Okay, and so I've lived around the world, but even if you think about the convention center that we're in right now, I just I see all the roles, even like the security guard over there, like that's an important job. Like the the person at the door checking the name badges, like the they they could if they show up late, it impacts the team. And so, like, that's the the personal empowerment. It's like, no, you do matter because if you don't do your job, like it's actually gonna make the band not function as well. And again, in every job, there's this it it's the I've been able to apply it to every industry. If if you are playing or you your job is not wasn't created for you, yeah, it was created in the service of something bigger. Something if you work at Chick-fil-A, you're actually on a team that serves the audience. If you're um in an ad agency, you're on a team that serves an audience, right? And you have to pitch to the audiences to you know to serve them. But uh, even here, like I'm you know, all these student activities groups at this specific conference, they're a band that's putting cool stuff together for their community.

SPEAKER_00 4:30

I'm curious about the transition here from musician to being on stage and kind of leading the charge here. But I think both of them serve to make people happy, and I think music, even if it's a sad song, it's still like it is a hoping to give comfort to your community, which is happiness in some like longer stretch. And I think being on stage and um speaking is another way to like give happiness to the community. What was that transition like from being on stage and kind of doing it through art and through the drums and through the guitar and singing to now doing on stage and kind of doing it in a much more direct person-to-person way?

SPEAKER_01 4:59

Yeah, I think uh as a musician, I didn't realize uh and I think I learned this that even like even your saddest song is actually connecting to somebody and making them less help feel less alone. Like yeah, when when you're sad and you listen to sad music, um, it doesn't necessarily make you more sad. You can cry with the music, but it you're you feel less alone. Yeah, actually. So you're there's a great camaraderie there with the artists who wrote those words. Uh in speaking, I'm able to get more feedback. Like uh I I I toured for so many years and played my songs and told stories about my songs, and and then I would leave and and I wouldn't know what kind of impact I had or if there was any at all. So it was really like almost I felt like I was bouncing on the on the tops of heads across the country. And now I feel like I'm sitting across from people and getting their ideas back because I I uh I I really like to facilitate conversation. And um, you know, your your audience is really uh they have a lot of stories, they have a lot of they have a lot of experiences and they uh they don't know that they have a story oftentimes, and and to get them to tell their story, it actually makes a great impact.

SPEAKER_00 6:07

How has it benefited you to help people facilitate these stories? Well, I think part of so much of what we do is about making people happy, that's a beautiful thing, but ultimately also makes us happy oftentimes. I'm curious about how definitely I think it's interfine.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

Well, it fills my bucket incredibly, but I I also I in high school I wanted to be a teacher. I got a degree in secondary education when I was in college. I was always a camp counselor as a teenager, even in college. I just happened to be a drummer in a rock band that got popular. And the whole time I was doing that, I was like, I want to, and then uh so my life is now different. I I primarily work um with companies and and associations and and colleges and schools only during the academic year because now I'm back at summer camp. I'm going into my 35th summer at the same summer camp this coming summer, and and I always knew I wanted to be a camp counselor and I wanted to be a teacher. So the the and I love music and I love writing songs, I love playing with bands. The um so I actually feel like at this point in my life I'm actually doing exactly what I set out to do. It just took me a long time to get here.

SPEAKER_00 7:06

That's beautiful, right? Summer camp is my background as well, and I think at some point in my life I'd love to get back to that world, and it'd be hope to hear you say that you're yeah, still five at a killer.

SPEAKER_01 7:14

You know, I made a decision, I think it was my 30th birthday. I was like, I'm gonna give myself the gift of going back to camp. And so that summer I went back to camp and I just haven't missed a summer since. Like, yeah, because I would for for a decade I was on tour and I was like, I really miss camp. You know, I I want to go back and just be in one bed for for two months in the wilderness. Like it's really legitimately like not fancy. Yep, you know, rustic, no electricity in the cabins, um, just cool people navigating coexistence and cohabitation, you know.

SPEAKER_00 7:44

It sounds like you have the full spectrum here where I assume camp is children and adolescents, kids and teenagers mostly. Uh, you mentioned the college demographic and then also doing executive kind of corporate stuff. So it seems like you work work with the full spectrum of ages at least. Uh, what's like some of the universal challenges that we're seeing? How are you helping like benefit that make them happier? Uh, what is something that is universal to the people from five to sixty five that you're seeing here?

SPEAKER_01 8:06

Even at 55 or 70, um, and and the same with an 18-year-old and a 25-year-old, is there this to this thought that it's it that somebody doesn't want to meet you or that it's inappropriate to walk up and say hi to somebody, or to to to be the one who starts the conversation. Uh, when in fact everybody wants to make a connection, and most people, even adults, um, and and I would say the majority of association events that I work, um the adults in the room who are grown-up people with with children of their own are hesitant to start a conversation with someone they don't have permission. Um, but humans actually there's a we we we have an innate permission. I've never said it that way before, but like uh, you know, we sit on airplanes next to somebody, we don't talk, right? So and and I get it, sometimes you really need that time to to just be in your own headphones, which airplanes were around long before headphones, and people talked on airplanes. But the truth is is that, and this is what I talk about with every group because in every association is that I well one of the big the big work I do is helping people connect with each other, and once they do that, it's this epiphany, they're like, wow, that wasn't so hard. And oh my gosh, I did meet somebody and I found uh we we have common interests, and we might not um both be drummers, but we both like you know, circus shows, but whatever it may be the circles overlap somewhere, you have to work to find that overlap. Yeah, um yeah, so that that that uh in itself makes me happy. And I think one of the other things that I the the great thing that I've come to understand as an adult ther who has been teaching for so many years or as a camp counselor and working with little kids and and teenage counselors, um, and uh is that it's okay also to just not be happy. It's okay to be like, oh, I'm I'm having a tough day. But the the ability to uh name your emotion to um uh the it's the emotional intelligence to say like I am feeling fear, I am feeling anxiety, I am feeling anger, right? Um is that being able to express that and share that um and to know that it's okay. There's nothing wrong in inherently in the way you feel. You're feeling your feelings because your body is reacting to the world and the things that are happening. When you can identify your emotions, whether they're anger or fear or anxiety, you're actually gonna be you're you're reducing the power of that thing over you. Um, and you're not necessarily happy, but there's also nothing wrong with being sad, right? And being cool with being sad also, I believe, makes you content. Makes you more, you're more at peace with the situation.

SPEAKER_00 11:00

This episode of the Happiness Blueprint Podcast is brought to you by Vibarx. Goals, budgets, and KPIs can tell you what happened, but they don't tell you how people felt while doing the work. Happiness is the most important metric of all, and it needs a system. Vibarx is that system for prioritizing your mental health and tracking emotional metrics for individuals, teams, and even projects. Users submit a weekly two-minute check-in, online or in the app, for metrics like happiness, stress, and utilization. Then, Vibarx processes that data into quantified metrics that help spot patterns, celebrate wins, and encourage support where needed. Personally, I loved using Vibarx with my team at GBM6. It's like such a great way to check in with myself and make sure I'm hitting both my professional and my personal goals. I especially love that it asks me for three things that I'm happy about every week. During busy season, I find that things can feel a little chaotic and stressful, so this has felt like a really great tool to reframe my focus and make sure I'm aware of how many great things are happening around me, even in the most stressful moments. Vibearx is free forever for individuals, .edu teams, and .org teams. All other organizations can start with a 60-day free trial and then pay just $5 per user per month to build a healthier, happier, and more engaged workplace. Check out the link in our description to get started on your own journey towards a happier personal and professional life. Thank you to Vivebox for sponsoring today's episode. Alright, back to the show. Yep. It's interesting. I think what I'm hearing you say is there's a power in ownership here. And I think we know that in terms of like our time. Like it is nice to be able to charge our time and not have someone telling us we have to be here and do this and do that. And there's nice power in ownership of our property and our things we own. Like we like our space, our bed, right? I think we're all traveling right now. We're all going at some point the next couple days, I get to go back to my comfort space here. But owner, power of ownership of our emotions, I think, is an abstraction of that. That is an interesting one that is harder to grasp. It's not tangible, it's not physical, and it's not really not talked about as much either.

SPEAKER_01 12:58

Yeah, I mean, like comparing it that way, like it it for me to get upset that my back porch is rotting, I don't have control over that. Like, that's something that's happening, so I'm gonna accept it. I I can't control that I'm anxious about a situation, so I have to accept that that like whatever you call that thing. It's it it is if yeah, own it, identify it, and not um not let it ruin your day. Like, yeah, we're gonna have tough days. We will we will all have tough, we'll have tough weeks and months.

SPEAKER_00 13:26

Umfortunately, yeah. That is the human condition. It is the human condition, yeah. But you're right, it is a powerful thing to be able to take ownership of that. And I think be present in it is the other. I think uh for myself personally, I find myself uh suppressing those and being like, no, it'll go away. I'm just gonna stay busy and stay distracted, and this thing will go. And it's like, that's not realistic. That's not how the universe works. Like, I need to acknowledge this thing, and that is how I can conquer this problem, and yeah, push it under the rug.

SPEAKER_01 13:48

Well, if this I'll give you an idea that uh, if this helps anybody who's listening, it's like, we'll take anxiety as an example. Uh, you know, it's there, it's showing up, and we have a tendency to try to like block it out, close the door, hold up, put our bodies against the door, and anxiety is on the other side of the door. It's gonna find a way in. So on that day when it's showing up, why not just open the door and and let it it's a oh, you're here again. Have a seat on the couch. Um, grab whatever you want out of the fridge. Um, you know, you're gonna be here anyway. I got shit to do, and uh, so I'm gonna go do my things. You're gonna be here anywhere, right? But rather than trying to fight it and be angry, because you can spiral and then be upset with yourself that you're feeling the way you feel. And and I just don't think it's fair to yourself to be upset with the way you feel.

SPEAKER_00 14:33

What are some actionable steps people can take when that bad day is knocking at the door? So I think that's a beautiful analogy that it is knocking at the door, and if we keep the door closed, it'll come into the door cracked. And I think you're right that it is wise to open the door and acknowledge it head on. What are actionable steps people can take when that bad day is knocking and lurping? Uh well, the the movement.

SPEAKER_01 14:50

Yeah. Uh temperature changes, flashing water on your face, going for a walk, uh, definitely getting out of the situation that you're in. Like if you're on the couch scrolling on your phone, is to get off the couch and stop scrolling on your phone. I mean, I know it sounds so simple, but it it's very hard because the algorithms are very um engaging. Um and also just I I I do think that instead of trying to get out of it, do something with it with you. Right? Instead of saying, like, I can't do this until this goes away, I can't, uh, I can't work on this until I feel better, then do something and the thing will naturally like it'll it'll the weight of it won't be as heavy if you move your body in a it in a in a motion. And and I do mean physically move your body, like go for a walk, go, and if you're in the city and it's in terrible weather, go go go up and down the stairs a couple times. Um change change the thing you're looking at. Um and and these are just like just simple body techniques. Take it yeah, take a shower, drinking ice water. Um you know, and it's very easy to to turn towards the things that might numb us, right? Um, and I'm not free from that behavior. You know, I'm I'm I'm an adult who's over 21. And uh and sometimes I find myself, I'm like, oh you know, I'm I I tomorrow I would I would prefer to make better choices. But also forgiving yourself. I mean January was just it was just January. We all have our our uh you know on January 1st I'm gonna change completely, right? And and again, even that's very hard. Well, you know, but it's progress, not perfection, you know, and and I'm re and I love what I've learned along the way. So many people have said such great things, and I don't have a problem repeating and quoting other people, so much so that I've I have two teenage daughters, and years ago my older daughter just looked at me, she's like, Dad, no more quotes.

SPEAKER_00 16:42

You know, and but I'm like, wow, the but other people said really good stuff.

SPEAKER_01 16:45

Yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_00 16:46

I'm a big quotes guy as well. I've I I like the I heard wisdom one time that was like we don't need to be taught as much as we need to be reminded. Sure. And that was a really powerful one for me. Is like instead of just keeping throwing new things in the fire, it's like just really take one thing and digest it and really find the five quotes that feel like North Stars and really just align with those instead of constantly searching for the next thing because there isn't a quick fix there. It's about internalizing the things and really taking control and ownership of this. Yeah. Um, I have two questions here. I'd love to wrap up with. Yeah. Uh one of them is you've been on a great journey through life. It sounds like you've seen a lot of worlds, a lot of country, uh, a lot of people along the way. Uh, what's something you that you wish you could give yourself uh past advice, uh past self-advice? Uh so you've learned so much along the way. There's been a lot of journeys here. It sounds like your career has taken many different turns and a lot of different geographic places here. Uh, what's some advice that would help pass you benefit?

SPEAKER_01 17:33

That's a great question. Advice that would benefit me now if I could go back and do something differently. It's I mean, I think it's it for me, it was about family time and I I have journal entries from when my first daughter was born. She's 19 now, that it was like I have to get off the road. And the reality of it is that by being on the road, I was fulfilling my happiness and I was showing up better as a parent because I was doing it. So I what I what if you had asked me that question a year ago, I might have regrets, and I don't think they're regrets anymore. I'm like, oh no, I did a pretty darn good job. Like I've um so I I actually I would go back and stop giving myself shit for the decision that I made to be a touring performer. Like I it's been great. Yeah, like don't again, this is like whatever dad guilt or husband guilt or whatever. Sure. Like I don't need to have that. Because I'm I've been a pretty darn good dad, right? And anyway, that's so I think I would give my I would I would say lighten up on yourself.

SPEAKER_00 18:33

I think uh I like that. I think one thing I've heard from other parents that kind of resonates with what you're saying, and I'll pause for this announcement for one quick second here. Beautiful. One advice I've heard from parents that was interesting is like the touring thing isn't necessarily conducive to a traditional family, but it is so powerful to fill your own cup and do the thing that makes you happy and let your children see you taking chances and pursuing the thing. And I think that's an important part of this as well. Is like if touring wasn't on paper the perfect way to build a family, it's so important for them to see you as a role model, someone who is taking chances and willing to do the hard things and make the sacrifices to fill up your own cup. And I think you should be very proud of that in itself of like, yeah, you did a hard thing, and it sounds like you came out the other end well and raised them to be powerful, independent people and a bit of role model in that process for.

SPEAKER_01 19:16

Yeah, and but another thing I would say is like even our perception of what a normal family or a standard way of doing it or what our parents or grandparents did, like that system that way of doing it is relatively new in human history. So like it it it is only that way in our heads because we've all that's what we've seen. But the the you know, depends on where you live, what culture you're part of, um uh what your belief system is, and and if we uh convince ourselves that the only way to do something is this one way where you're uh you know you're um together all the time, nine to five. That like it it it's not the only way. And I'm and I'm and I I guess I'm the poster child for a guy who's been on the road uh who is able to be um a half decent dad and a and a good husband. And um, yeah, but it is hard. And if there are artists that are listening to this, um it is important that you pursue the thing that fills your bucket. It might not make you money, so you then you need a job. Get a freaking job, right? Don't like if you're waiting around for stuff to happen, yeah, do something while you're waiting. Yeah, right? Just get go get like, and then at the end of the day, you've made a little bit of money, and and I don't like I don't mean to like I was I lucky. No, I worked my ass off um at my craft, and um, but I also understood the value of networking, right? That there's like this could be a totally different podcast. Sure, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:48

Uh beautiful. Yeah, my last question for you here is something that makes you happy. So it's the happiness-driven podcast. The goal is about making other people happy. Often, oftentimes we forget to make ourselves happy. Uh, I'm curious about what makes you happy. So it could be something outside of this, it could be still drumming if you're doing that in your free time, or a part of camp that really fills your cup. Yeah, what makes you happy? I love to start a task and finish it.

SPEAKER_01 21:06

Yeah, I like to look at a pile of wood that needs to be stacked, and I like to stack it. I like to see a leg on a chair that needs fixing and to fix it. Yeah, and and so those I like have really little tiny trophies throughout the day, like crossing something off my list. Like I folded my laundry, like that's joyous.

SPEAKER_00 21:27

I can't relate more. I've gone through many stages of being like, I didn't do like I'm I'm self-employed or large-scale employed, so I work from home, and so I'll get to the end of the day and I didn't do anything today, and that's like I edited for 12 hours today. What do you mean I didn't do anything today? So I've gotten very good at making lists of everything I do, and even if like it's not on my list, I'll retroactively be like folding laundry is now was on my list because I did it today, and it wasn't part of my plan, but yeah, and that's been such a helpful tool for me to get to the end of the day and go, This is a crazy piece of paper, a lot of things crossed out. This is uh a tangible way for me to go, nope, your brain is lying, you're being silly. You did do a lot. Today, should be proud of that, and you can earn the rest. You don't need to work till midnight because that's not a sustainable way to exist.

SPEAKER_01 22:05

Well, the self- the self-employment thing, the list will never end, but also the list will never end for for for most. But without a boss, without somebody saying you have to turn something down on Thursday at five, um and with all the creative ideas that you probably have as well, is like, oh, I got this idea, I want to explore it. I got this idea, I want to explore it. Um, most of my ideas, and this is somebody who's I've released 13 albums, I've won all kinds of really special awards that meant a lot to me and uh write a lot, but um there's so much that I haven't done. So, like, how do I weigh those against each other? Like, do I celebrate that I did release a song or do I beat myself up with a head that I've got 10 unfinished? Yep. Right? So it's okay to have all those ideas. Just for if you're listening, just finish something. Yep. Do something, like, yeah, complete it. Start something simple.

SPEAKER_00 22:58

Sign the bottom of your piece of art and then put it aside and start the next thing. Yeah, it's okay to be there. There's some quote that's like creativity is a muscle, and it's about just seeing the thing through. And every time we start an idea and don't finish it, that muscle atrophies, and by seeing it through, we could build the muscle. It doesn't matter what the scale or the scope or the context of it. Um, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:14

Well, I yeah, I've got shelves and shelves of ideas and shelves as you know, sure, not literal shelves, but in my brain. Um, but again, those little victories, I swear, like just being able to. I I love the retroactive adding to your list. I think I'm gonna start doing that.

SPEAKER_00 23:27

Beautiful. Well, thank you. I'm glad I can add some wisdom to your cup because you've certainly offered a lot to mine. So thank you for your time today. Uh, we did it. The Happiness Blueprint Podcast is a success. Uh, we'll talk very soon, friend. Thank you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 23:36

Thanks for listening to the Happiness Blueprint, powered by GBM6.

SPEAKER_00 23:41

It's about making people happy.