Ep 17 I Have Risen: The Easter Morning I Mourned My Old Self and Found My Light

It was Easter Sunday. Sarah woke up feeling sad, heavy, and off. Not exactly the energy of resurrection.

But what happened next was exactly that.

In this intimate, soul-baring episode of The Magic in the Middle, Sarah shares a deeply personal Easter morning practice that started as one thing and became something she never expected. She sat down to write about how she was feeling, intending to burn the page and let it go. What poured out instead was a journey from mourning to rising, from loss to light, from the old self falling away to something bright and new being born.

She reads it to you, exactly as she wrote it. Messy handwriting and all.

This episode is an invitation to try this practice for yourself, because you deserve to pause. You deserve your own attention. And there is something inside you right now, waiting to be seen, loved, and released so that your light can finally come forward.

In this episode you will discover:

• The free writing and burn practice and why putting pen to paper is one of the most powerful energetic tools you have
• Why sometimes what feels like sadness or mourning is actually the old you falling away to make room for who you are becoming
• How Sarah moved from heavy and humdrum to feeling light, protected, loved, and cheered on, all through one unexpected writing session
• Why writing by hand carries an energetic charge that typing simply cannot replicate
• How to check in with yourself throughout the day, even in a busy office, even with five minutes and a piece of paper
• The difference between feeling your feelings and being consumed by them, and how the tools Sarah teaches help you do exactly that

No matter your faith, your background, or what this season means to you, this episode holds something for everyone. Spring, Easter, rebirth, the shedding of what no longer serves, these are universal truths written into nature itself.

You have been squashed. You have been covered. And that light inside you has never gone out.

It is time to rise.

Join Sarah's free Qigong practice group, Monday through Friday, 7 to 7:35am Pacific on Zoom. Learn more at marrvelouslife.com.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Hello, welcome to Magic in the Middle. I'm so happy to be here with you. It's such a fun experience for me to be here with you. So I had an interesting situation happen on Easter, actually. And I say that with that tone of voice, and you're gonna find out in a minute why. So I had the best day with my family on Saturday. We celebrated the day before. So we can avoid all the crowds and whatnot. So we celebrated it. We had such a wonderful time. We got all dressed up, you know, had great food, great company, great conversations. And then woke up Sunday and just I kind of didn't feel good. And I kind of felt I felt sad and I felt mourning and I felt just not good. And so there's this exercise that I was gonna do. And you know, we had just talked about, meaning I on the podcast, about the nervous system, and so I was like, okay, well, I'm running up against the nervous system. Hi, nervous system. I see you, I see your mourning, I see your your loss, you're feeling feeling sad, and I just like was just in a mood. Um humdrum. So this exercise I was gonna do is gonna write about how I was feeling and the feelings that were going on with me, right? And then what I was gonna do is burn it. Um, so like I said on the nervous system uh episode, which is before this one, is that for me it's important to recognize where I am, call it what it is, and so writing about it in this way and then burning it and letting it go. Like I could see myself burning it, letting it go, and like really releasing what was happening inside of me, and also connecting in with that and recognizing it and being okay with like you know, there's something inside of me that's going on, and I want to see that and recognize it. I want to love you, I really want to love you. I mean, we're not taught to love ourselves, all parts of ourselves. So, what happened? I was writing, and I'm gonna read to you what I wrote. This is, I I thought this was really amazing. It said, How am I feeling? Like I'm missing out on all that I am, and maybe that I have missed out all my life. I have lived small, I haven't expressed that powerful essence that I'm sorry, my writing is hard to read. I was writing so fast. Oh, I'm missing out on that powerful essence that is me, that light being, all that I am. I haven't shined brightly. There's a brilliant, bright, alive light within me seeking to explode forward and shine powerfully. So I was feeling like I wasn't living into my fullest potential that day, and I was mourning that, and I was so sad about that. So then I I write, uh see so um bright, alive light within me, seeking to explode forward and shine powerfully. It is alive and it has been squashed, covered from so many years, and uh I weep in sorrow. Or am I releasing? Am I releasing old that is covering the light? So I mourn on this day Christ rose because something new inside of me being birthed on this beautiful day, something inside is coming forward. Uh there's something inside me that's not needed, and this bright time, joyous time, meaning Easter is what I was writing about. Like it's an amazing time, no matter what religion you are, because um, I mean, my family is Christian, but we are really more woo-woo than anything else. So the energy of this season and of Easter and of Yeshua, and it's just it's like this, it's this rebirth, right? And to me, it's just a really powerful time of rebirth, rising, and I I could feel that as I was writing this. So something old not needed in this bright time, joyous time. I burn the old, bringing in the new, birthing, rising in me. Um, I have risen, the new greatest vision and version of me has risen and rises. I am free, alive. Life is filling me with joy. I have joy in me. I'm joy expanded, fresh, abundant, free. I ride the wave, I am free. Um, so I just wanted to read that. Um, and then I put time to believe, step in. Um, there's hero inside of me. So that's Mariah Carey. That's what came to me. There's hero inside of, well, she says you, but inside of me, but but just stepping in, and so I started writing this thinking I was going to burn it, and then what started flowing out is something completely different, and just a completely different journey, and it really surprised me. And here's like another way that you know, if you want to, when you're coming up against your nervous system or the monkey mind, you can start writing about it, maybe with the intention to burn it, and I just free wrote, I just free wrote, that's why I can't read it very well because it's very messy, and I free wrote, was just free riding, and it kept changing and turning, and just I recognized I was mourning a loss of an old me, and it was falling away, and so see that can be the nervous system too, because it's falling away, this old part of me that's no longer needed, and so there was mourning happening. I just thought that was so genius that that came up, and then I could really feel the energy within me. I felt it right in my heart, and so when I was writing about this rising, I could feel the energy rising inside of me and this beautiful light coming out, and I felt protected and I felt safe, and I felt like I was being cheered on, and there was a cheering on, and there is a cheering on even now as I'm sharing this, and bravo, bravo, that's what I'm getting. Bravo, bravo, uh, and embracing this, like this embracing of this growing and changing, and it's okay to have these feelings of sorrow or fear or anger. The thing to do is to really just hug them and love them and see them and recognize them and be human with them and be real. It's really allowing them, and it isn't feeling the rage or the anger inside at all. It's more something like this, where it's it's like you're like, I see you anger, I see you here, and I recognize that you're angry and you're feeling pain and fear, and oh, I see it way that down deep within, and just allowing the pen or the pencil or typing to flow. I wrote this by hand, as you can probably tell, but letting it flow and seeing what comes forward. After I wrote this, I felt so much better. Like I said, I felt light and bright, and I felt protected and loved, and I had this journey, this beautiful journey on Easter Day, and such a sacred moment and a sacred day for for many different people and reasons, and for our earth, even you know, it it signifies spring and and birth and rebirth and and even the old, the old being shed, it's gone. So I thought this would be a cool practice to share with you. I had a completely different intention. I still haven't burned this, and I don't think I will because just coming back to it, it's it's a new practice for me. Maybe somebody out there is teaching it, but it just took me into this really cool alive journey, and we can all do this, maybe just try it out and see how you feel. And I just, you know, I've been just enjoying lately, really connecting in with those deeper parts of me. Because, like I always say, it's all inside of us. We've been taught to want things on the outside, which is nothing wrong with that, and the reason we want things is so they that we feel a certain way, and so it's all inside of us. The solutions, the answers are all inside of us, and if we take a moment for ourselves and pause, you know, we lead these busy lives and just keep adding more and more and more on. And I know I'm not the only one, and I've been learning lately to open up, to pause, to say, nope, this is my time. This is for me. I am deserving of this. I am so deserving of this. I am deserving of my own attention. I am so deserving of my own attention. I was never taught how to take a moment and give myself attention to pause. It was always rush, rush, rush, gotta go. Rush, rush, rush. There wasn't a how are you? How are you feeling today? Are you okay? Have you thought about doing that for yourself? Just pausing. Saying your name. Where are we now? Where are we today? Where am I? I'm gonna take ten minutes and breathe. If you work in an office step away. Go to a different location and breathe. Go outside and breathe. Take that beautiful breath. Say, where am I right now? Have a pencil and paper. It's more powerful if you're writing than typing. You know, because you're moving with your hands the energy, right? The energy of moving and riding with your hand. It's very powerful. And checking in with yourself because you deserve to check in. You deserve it. We all do. We're not taught how to go inward, how to take care of ourselves in these ways. And recognizing it is okay to want things that are outside of you. Yes, of course. But not basing your identity and your self-worth on these things. Your identity and your self-worth are inside of you. If you want something, because it's gonna you feel like it's gonna make you feel happy or confident or strong, be that right now. Be that now. That is inside of you. And if you choose to be that now, then what is your posture like? What are you talking about? Who are you talking to? What are the thoughts running through your mind? If you're whole and healthy, that's what you want. Then how are you walking? How are you talking to yourself? How are you thinking? If you're not able to walk, then what are you thinking? How are you moving? What are you doing? Are you thinking about new ways to benefit your health? Maybe qigong. You're adding qigong. Maybe you're hugging a tree. Maybe you're pausing every hour for ten or fifteen minutes. Saying, hey.

SPEAKER_00 16:35

I see you. I want to get to know you better. Who are you? Let's go for a walk. I want to walk with you. You're wonderful, wonderful beings. And it's okay.

SPEAKER_01 17:16

I want you to know as well, it's okay not to feel good. It's okay to feel badly. And the tools that we talk about here are not because it's not okay, it's because it is okay. But at the same time, we don't want to carry that with us for days and weeks and years. Because mind body shows us it will make us sick. And we were brought here to have a vibrant, thriving, healthy, beautiful life. So we don't have to walk in this every day. We get to talk to it and be with it and recognize it, connect with it, say hello, do you have a message for me? Write. Just start writing. See what comes out. If you choose to burn it, burn it and let it go. Feel it leaving your body, letting go. This is a great beautiful thing to do for yourself. A great way to give yourself love. True, true love, recognizing all the sides, all the pieces, and loving them anyway. I grew up with so much self-loathing. And I have learned to love all of it. All of us can. Thank you for joining me. And please, please give us a thumbs up or share the podcast if you feel like you're gaining value. Leave comments, maybe how you're feeling supported. You know, that might help other people too. And I'm just so proud to be here with you. I'm so proud that you're here and you keep coming back over and over and over again. It keeps getting better and better. I love you.