Michael is in the Barrel!

The Monkeys discuss Spine-Covered Caterpillars, Medicinal Diet Coke, Really Fast Spiders, Calculating Giraffes, Ft Wayne Man's Penis Bon Fire, Escaped Venomous Snakes and more...

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Rebel Rabbit infused seltzers.  Get a free Microphone Monkeys button at the Inlet Dispensary in Murrell's Inlet.

Check out the Tripp (and Graham) has Issues podcast!

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 1:04

Here we come, walking down the street. Got the gold, no tax system, free to speak and free to trade. Markets have no need for it. Hey, hey, we're the microphone monkeys. People say we're at our kids' funkies.

SPEAKER_00 1:33

Hey guys, this is Microphone Monkeys, and this week we have giant spine-covered caterpillars that look like alien species. I saw them last night. Yeah. Women drinking Diet Coke to dissolve masses in their stomach, spiders that can outrun humans, and many more things. What? Okay. But today we lost three of our guests, but we have a very special guest in person in Myrtle Beach. The one who the hero that came to our rescue. We have Michael from Rebel Rabbit.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

He is the Rebel Rabbit. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 2:10

I mean, I'm something. I don't know. I'm definitely rebellious. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 2:17

Our new friend from Baltimore who sells THC drinks in the Carolinas and the Myrtle Beach area. That's right.

SPEAKER_01 2:25

Oldest uh uh beverage maker of that kind in the Carolinas.

SPEAKER_04 2:30

That is correct.

SPEAKER_01 2:31

Yeah, um, and the most tasty. They have got this new uh flavor, the rocket pop. Oh, I swear you you just close your eyes, it smells, it just tastes like a rocket pop melted in your mouth.

SPEAKER_04 2:44

That's accurate.

SPEAKER_01 2:45

Yeah. So if you want a drink that is just absolutely taste delicious, will not give you a hangover, make you feel good and and party, you know, atmosphere, and doesn't damage your liver, there you go.

SPEAKER_00 3:02

And Michael's like the the THC ice cream man, he has a truck full of rocket pots.

SPEAKER_04 3:09

It's the it's it's the ultimate candy van. You see that band on the road, you wave it down.

SPEAKER_00 3:18

I love it. Well, and many more flavors, too. So we met him at the Bernstein show at Inlet Dispensary, Myrtle's Inlet. Yep. The South and the Myrtle. And what what are all the major? I saw uh, I think a berry one, Mandarin Orange.

SPEAKER_04 3:31

Oh, we've got all kinds. So um our staple, like you know, our standard ones that we started out with grapefruit, lemon lime, uh, mandarin orange. Uh then we branched out. We started with uh blackberry lemonade. Uh that was we launched that last summer. Um, it took off. It was one of those ones that just it's just refreshing. Like you have a drink where you drink it, and then you get done and you're like, damn, that was good. Like a lot of times you drink one, you're like, well, it's effective.

SPEAKER_01 3:57

So well, you know, uh if anybody goes down to the inlet of our local listeners and they purchase any uh Rebel Rabbit um drink right now, they get a free microphone monkeys pin. Free microphone monkeys pin.

SPEAKER_00 4:13

And they were even giving out little samples when we were uh there the other day.

SPEAKER_04 4:16

Yeah, that's why they keep me in this area to just go around and get people high. The only one, honestly, that makes me laugh every time is when I do the total wine tastings because total total wine does not allow um vendors to dose their employees their employees, their customers, yeah, poor employees. Um so so I'm literally standing there handing out juice all day. Like it's just the flavoring, but there's no THC in it. And uh, I mean, I've sold more bottles with juice than the actual liquid. Like the last time I was in there, I sold seven cases of product in three hours. Wow. I was serving juice.

SPEAKER_00 4:53

Yeah, is this the total wine and myrtle? Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow, by seaboard. Oh yeah. Oh my god, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:58

That's they got they have incredible foot traffic in there. Like on this, this was on like a Thursday from 11 to 2. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:04

Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:04

And people were just like, wait, what?

SPEAKER_01 5:06

Every everybody everybody goes down to total wine and loads up.

SPEAKER_04 5:09

Oh yeah.

unknown 5:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:10

I I know I had a tenant once who uh had me drop him off there. So so he was that to stay there or I think uh to cash his checks and pay his bill. Yeah. He was getting a stash for the week.

SPEAKER_01 5:26

Well, I had I had this is a I was working at a uh resort, and mistakenly um my paycheck went to one of the people in maintenance, and this this fellow went down to the liquor store and cashed this check.

SPEAKER_04 5:43

It was the biggest check you'd probably ever seen.

SPEAKER_01 5:45

It was first off, yeah, the check was a little larger than he you would normally have. Um he did he signed it with his name, didn't even look like mine. They didn't check anything with it. And I I felt I felt horrible for the employer. I didn't blame him, you know, because he's just like, yay!

SPEAKER_04 6:10

I mean, smart decision to cash it immediately. Yeah. Oh, what you talking about? I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 6:15

No, I didn't look. I had somebody that asked me, you know, uh from that was investigating everything from there, well, do you want to, you know, do you want to charge him with something? And I said, no, I don't think he can read. And they were like, Oh, they charge the accountant. Well, yeah, because when when the when I told them that, they were like, Well, you know, he could actually beat the rap if they and I'm like, Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:41

So I don't think this was his fault.

SPEAKER_01 6:43

Fault, yeah. Uh I think there might be some extenuating circumstances of giving somebody else's check to somebody else. Yeah, so uh yeah, it's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 6:53

Uh so we've got our first one is the well see today was rushed because it's peak season. Uh so I found six stories, but I have only done a cursory look, so we're gonna these are gonna be fresh to everyone today, including myself. Yeah. So the first story is there is a giant spine-covered caterpillar that looks like an alien species.

SPEAKER_04 7:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 7:20

He has a little bit of like a I don't know, uh that looks like a spicy turd. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:28

That looks like one of the instruments Dawn was talking about for the ladies.

SPEAKER_00 7:33

Oh, that's the kind of pagan dildo she uses. The pagan dildo. I didn't know she was in the dark art. It's an exit only. Hope it's coming out the head direction. Oh now, apparently, scientists said these are harmless, but uh I disagree just by the look. That's what the caterpillar would want you to think. So measuring about three inches long and uh a little over a half inch in diameter, the cabbage tree moth is one of the most visually striking caterpillars in the world, and it comes in a variety of colors, all very alien-like. Oh, we have a couple more. It does have a little turd look to it with the daggers coming out.

SPEAKER_01 8:23

Maybe I see my maybe that's my new nickname for my friend between my legs. The cabbage tree moth. Excuse me, lady. Would you like to see my cabbage tree moth? It comes in colors. It's not dangerous.

SPEAKER_00 8:40

The money sweeper slash the cabbage tree moth. He doesn't know about the money sweeper. Yeah, we went to yeah. Well, go ahead. Well, uh, Dawn, uh doesn't does she run something at Myrtle Mania? It's right by Gentleman's Club. Yeah. Or Master's Club. Master's Club, yeah. Uh so same complex.

SPEAKER_04 9:00

Oh, this is what you were talking about last week. I definitely listen to that. The guy who had the job who's just sweeping money.

unknown 9:05

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01 9:06

I was just that is my that is my dream job. Have a suit, have a little you know, earpiece, and then just sit there sweeping the dollars. Well, and then he picks them up and counts them, deals them out to the strippers.

SPEAKER_00 9:18

Girls, yeah. I'm like see, that is an exciting job. That could be your night job.

SPEAKER_04 9:22

I mean, if they're hiring. I wonder if gentlemen.

SPEAKER_01 9:31

What are the requirements for that? I was just like, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:34

Is there a test?

SPEAKER_00 9:36

Would gentlemen sell THC drinks? Oh, they sell a shit ton of it. Oh, really? Oh my god, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:41

Well, you gotta remember, so from two to four, they're still open, but they can't serve any alcohol. So from two to four, all they're selling is our products, like THC beverages.

SPEAKER_00 9:51

Dude, do businesses here in South Carolina with our laws, do they run into issues where with an alcohol license versus what you can serve?

SPEAKER_04 10:00

Not yet. Uh I mean, obviously that's in that's where we're at right now with um them trying to get legislation in place um that hammers out kind of some semblance of order to it. Yeah. Um, yeah, I was like, for the most part, though, as it stands, as long as it falls in federal compliance with that farm bill from 2018, there's nothing that they can say or do because there's nothing that is set in stone that says you can't do this. Yeah. Um, so it's kind of like the Wild West out here, which is fun, but it's also you you kind of have, you know, it's a double-edged sword. So, like, how far do we want to push the boundaries before we get cracked back into the world?

SPEAKER_00 10:41

Yeah, well, I might have mentioned it last week. We had a guy, Ken Scheimer, who sold flour, which is probably the most dangerous to get involved in, and he got the full wrath of that.

SPEAKER_04 10:50

Oh, I'm sure he did.

SPEAKER_00 10:51

He ended up in an ankle bracelet, and all his stuff was confiscated by Alan Wilson, Operation Ganja, who's probably gonna be governor. Yeah. Uh and he uh we met him, and he was, I think, the main flower distributor in Ori County. And they started with in Columbia, they c uh sled confiscated like all of his thousands and thousands of dollars of product and said like and then that Operation Gang, it was like 90 raids across the state for flower distributors.

SPEAKER_04 11:23

For a plant. I'm just it's a plant, y'all. It's a plant. You just throw the seed in the ground, it grows. Yeah, that our founders use. I'll say, boy, boy. Pretty sure George Washington had a whole ass field of it.

SPEAKER_00 11:38

But that's what's funny, is we had we had him on at first because Comley was cracking down on flour. And my girlfriend went in with me to a vape shop, and all of a sudden they were banned from doing it, and we're part of the LB, so we brought up and did a resolution, and we ended up getting in contact with Ken, who is a major distributor, obviously, in Comley too. Yeah. Then a couple months later, I get this call and he went, Oh, did you see I got arrested? I'm under house arrest with an ankle bracelet and surfside. They took all my materials to make the hamp or package it certain ways.

SPEAKER_01 12:10

And all all the packaging has the uh the the statement of origin and everything else on it. They took it out of the packaging. Every single thing, everything they took it out, ripped it out.

SPEAKER_00 12:21

So you can't retroactively go back and prove anything. He's screwed. Yeah, yeah. And uh and I talked to David Spang, who has uh I mean would they have it on video?

SPEAKER_04 12:30

I feel like a place like that would have some type of cameras, right?

SPEAKER_00 12:33

Well, he had a warehouse that they rated at the same time as his normal house. This was done like the middle of the night. Right. And they came in, took all, froze all his bank accounts, he couldn't open, he got flagged, couldn't open another bank account, took all his product, took all his machinery, because he would have the agricultural license guy actually. Oh, you ready for this?

SPEAKER_04 12:53

You want some inside information? And he talked for law enforcement type thing. Um, if they're gonna do like raids like that, the almost standard time between four and five a.m. Because 98% of humans are asleep at that point.

SPEAKER_00 13:09

Yeah, yeah. And they are.

SPEAKER_04 13:10

So if you're gonna if you're gonna do some bad shit and you're expecting them to come, make sure you're awake from four or five. They might come and knock in.

SPEAKER_00 13:19

That's right. Yeah. Well, and they just totally screwed him. And to this day, he finally, I think months later, got the ankle bracelet off. Surfside beach, where he was uh stationed at, yeah, tried to take his business license while he was under house arrest. They didn't want to let him go to city council. We went, but they moved it, and it's just a total nightmare. Yeah, and that's what we were talking about last week with Darren is they totally jerk off the alcohol industry in the state.

SPEAKER_04 13:47

Without I mean not the state. That's the country.

SPEAKER_00 13:51

Yeah, and hemp has so many natural things, even CBD. I use CBD to go to sleep melatonin. Yeah, yeah. There's so many medicinal uses to it. There have been for centuries, basically. Well, his company, Schneimer's company, is called Earthy Meds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he did a video interview on our state meeting under house arrest with his ankle bracelet, just totally screwed. Yeah, and something else I didn't realize I was just in New York City last year, and you see weed shops everywhere, but there's like no hemp stuff. Right. And I didn't realize the cannabis industry, big can I think so hard.

SPEAKER_04 14:26

Which doesn't make any sense to me, y'all. It's the same plant. I know. Like there's no difference chemically from the one plant to the other. Yeah. It's the names that we've given it and how early we harvest it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:36

Well, and that's what's funny because Ken was saying, oh, well, in those in the blue states where it's legal with weed and starting to go into some purple states, uh, they're taxed really extreme because it's regularly taxed, like it's crazy. And when hemp isn't, they don't like competing against so big alcohol, big pharma, big canna all team up on the hemp industry and screw it up. It it's it's so nasty how this works. And Darren was saying last week, too, since the farm bill with the massey exemption exemption and everything, yeah, they have all these new products and new strains of hemp and all even CBD and full spectrum C B D and all this stuff.

SPEAKER_04 15:16

Now we're starting to unlock the actual like truly medicinal benefits of this plant by allowing us to have the ability to research it. Like for the last 50 years, it's been gay capped. So like only very small subsets of the research are able to be done. I mean, if you think about it, one of the largest producers of marijuana in the country, the federal government. They have one of the biggest land masses in Mississippi where they have like hectares of marijuana. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:54

And they and they use that for train like research purposes and things like that, but like they're one of the biggest producers in the country, y'all.

SPEAKER_00 16:03

Well, that's something else about the medicinal things. People forever have used it for nausea, for cancer treatments, anxiety disorders.

SPEAKER_04 16:11

Oh, you want to hear a good one? Yeah. So I was invited to provide a raffle item for the American Cancer Society. I was like, oh hell yeah. I mean, cancer patients, they used the hell out of marijuana. Like, this sounds like a great idea.

SPEAKER_01 16:24

Right.

SPEAKER_04 16:24

So I put together this beautiful basket, like put some bottles in there, shirts, cans. It looked fantastic. Gave it to them. Came back a couple hours later for when the event started, and I was like, you don't want to get pictures of it and that kind of stuff. And um they're like, we we pulled your we we pulled your raffle item. I said, uh why? Well, um our corporate didn't think it was um fitting for the atmosphere. And I said, Alright, I'm gonna answer that question or that statement with a question. Do you believe that your cancer patients use marijuana? Well, yes, almost all of them do. Oh, okay. So we don't want to give them the opportunity to win some items that could benefit them. No? Okay, cool, cool. Do I get it back though? Like, that was are you giving it back to me?

SPEAKER_00 17:20

Well, that's the thing that's the same about it. It's medicinal and used uh among a vast majority of cancer patients.

SPEAKER_04 17:26

Yeah, and like and the fact that they would like like to me, I was just like, that like should have been the sign that like y'all should have been leaning into this. Like we should be on the support side of this thing because like we're allowing our patients to use something that's not gonna be forcing them to use it.

SPEAKER_01 17:42

You know, that's the the thing.

SPEAKER_04 17:46

You're gonna bring about the instinct just smoke this. You're gonna forget about it for at least a half hour.

SPEAKER_01 17:54

We want to take advantage of Randy.

SPEAKER_00 17:58

Before the show started, we went through a couple of my horror stories. He said horror, not horror stories. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 18:07

Those are coming up next.

SPEAKER_00 18:10

On to the master's gone. Well, speaking of medical medicinal uses, a woman drinks Diet Coke to dissolve huge mass in her stomach. See, this is part of thinking outside of the box, all this aspartame stuff in Diet Coke. Doctors were able to treat a 63-year-old woman who had been experiencing pain and discomfort in her stomach by drinking large amounts of diet soda.

SPEAKER_04 18:38

What does large amounts constitute? Yeah. Like, is she like chugging two liters daily? Constantly? Bodies. Nah, man, you can't take those off until you're seeing THC and hemp is well studied.

SPEAKER_00 18:56

This is a more experimental cutting edge thing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 18:59

I mean, is it though? How many videos have I seen where they've cleaned battery acid with Coke? Like okay. Yeah, that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 19:06

Yeah, when when you can uh use it like paint thinner.

SPEAKER_01 19:08

And what what is did they identify what this mass was that she got rid of?

SPEAKER_00 19:12

Well, it was some so poop.

SPEAKER_03 19:16

It didn't have any dagger on it.

SPEAKER_00 19:19

They say soda is bad for you, and it's probably right in most cases, but if you happen to have a stomach clogged with uh undigested food, it can apparently be a big help. A team of doctors from Massachusetts recently reported the unusual case of an elderly woman with a large benzoer in her stomach who managed to dissolve the large mass by drinking one and a half liters of Diet Coke per day.

SPEAKER_01 19:46

So it's like the like we were saying, it's like a battery acid. It's it's replacing your stomach acid with more acid. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:54

Yeah, it's it's uh breaking down molecule mass lumps of food, I guess. Right by God, we should restrict that uh rebel rabbit because it doesn't dissolve anything.

SPEAKER_01 20:06

It doesn't rip your stomach apart like diet soda. It won't kill those worms with uh spines on them either. Son of a right?

SPEAKER_04 20:15

Might make you talk to them.

SPEAKER_00 20:20

Date a few. This was in the New England Journal of Medicine. Oh, well, yeah, the peak. The doctors reported that the patient had been experiencing burning pain in her upper abdomen and right side of her torso for a month when she came for a checkup. She tried two common over-the-counter medications for acid reflex, reflux, but nothing happened. The woman had a history of type 2 diabetes and obesity and had been taking semaglutide, a drug similar to a zempic. She had lost around 40 pounds, but her weight loss has accelerated in the last month, which gave doctors an idea of what might be causing her discomfort. Oh, so this was all a side effect of GLP1. Oh, yeah, there you go. Here we go, full circle. We have people's brains. Uh artificial lizard venom is not a good idea, evidently. And what she did is instead of requiring surgery, one option they had was administering large volumes of diet soda.

SPEAKER_03 21:17

Why diet? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:19

That's all they need to do. Well, because she used GLP1. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:22

Well, yeah, it's okay. There it is. This is me not listening.

SPEAKER_04 21:26

There's the man in made it.

SPEAKER_00 21:28

Yeah, put that drink down and listen. Yeah. Well, this is the flip side. There's always a medicinal use to some sort of natural product. They're going to have Coca-Cola on Schedule 2 coming out next. Yeah, I wonder in 30 years with all the uh the cancer lumps people are going to be getting from a diet soda.

SPEAKER_03 21:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:48

But I thought that was interesting. It tied into our medical discussion. Exactly. I remember Doctor? Doctor? Doctor?

SPEAKER_04 21:56

I just want to know who was the one in the room that was like, I have the idea. Oh, sure. What is it? What is it? What is it? Tom, what you got? He's like Diet phone. Are you thirsty? What are we talking about? Did you miss lunch? Where are we going with this?

SPEAKER_00 22:13

Let's do the acetone mixed with diet soda.

SPEAKER_04 22:17

I mean, did they pop a mentos and see if it could shoot out?

SPEAKER_01 22:25

Hold their nose and mouth closed.

SPEAKER_00 22:31

Diet soda waterborne.

SPEAKER_04 22:37

Government, are you listening?

SPEAKER_00 22:38

That's like a this will be fat people guantanamo. Going back to the animal kingdom from the from the plant botanical world, arachnophobes beware the world's fastest spider can outrun and catch humans.

SPEAKER_04 23:01

Explain the catch side of it. Is it getting enough to grab us? Because if that's the case, then I think we all need a rocket launcher.

SPEAKER_00 23:08

Yeah, we need a this is a zombie level situation. Scientists tested 258 species of spider and found that the huntsman spider was the fastest at a top speed of 3.6 meters per second. You know, I I'm not in Europe, so I'm not sure. Do you know the conversion of that?

SPEAKER_04 23:28

No. No. But it's fast.

SPEAKER_00 23:30

Fast enough to apparently catch and bite humans. Well, let's look that up. 3.6 meters. Let's do the American. And then wrap you in webs. Put you into a cocoon in five minutes. It can move 12 feet per second.

SPEAKER_04 23:45

That's pretty damn.

SPEAKER_00 23:46

Yeah, that's fast enough to that's scary.

SPEAKER_04 23:48

But the huntsman, that's the big ass spiders in uh Australia, right? Another reason not to go out there.

SPEAKER_00 23:53

Yeah, I'm sure it's from Australia.

SPEAKER_04 23:55

Anything that should be that evil is definitely from Australia. I mean always.

SPEAKER_00 23:59

The outskirts. Most humans have an innate fear of spiders, but even the most hopeless arachnophobes could find consolidation in hopefully outrunning their eight-legged tormentors. But what if you couldn't outrun them?

SPEAKER_04 24:14

Fire.

SPEAKER_00 24:16

Here's a unique idea.

SPEAKER_01 24:17

What if we step on them?

SPEAKER_04 24:20

Before they fight you. I mean, honestly, I don't think you're stepping on a huntsman spider. Oh, that's you're gonna hit that with a shovel.

SPEAKER_00 24:26

Yeah. This is where that Elon Musk flamethrower comes in.

SPEAKER_04 24:29

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 24:31

Absolutely. That's right. For a long time. Dingo eat me, baby. Yeah, yeah. A huntsman spider. The for a long time, the Moroccan flick flack spider was considered the fastest arachnid. But many scientists didn't agree with the assessment because the species uses unusual forms of locomotion. Like a Jeep or uh Right.

SPEAKER_04 24:54

I mean, it's a Huntman car? Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:58

It's running down the road in the Tesla.

SPEAKER_00 25:00

Some sort of biker gang straight space. Oh, and it is the Huntsman Spider. He species native to Queensland, Australia.

SPEAKER_04 25:09

Man, fuck Australia. That's right. Hell no. No, I don't want to go to Satan's asshole. I'm good, actually. Everything there's trying to kill you.

SPEAKER_00 25:18

On the other side of the equator, too, so everything's backwards. Right.

SPEAKER_04 25:21

Toilet spins the wrong way.

SPEAKER_00 25:23

The moon's upside down. Oh my god, the toilet doesn't work.

SPEAKER_01 25:27

It's going wrong.

SPEAKER_00 25:29

They declared that this is the world's fastest spider. The study found large spiders seem to run faster as long as they were not large enough with their heavy abdomen to burden them.

SPEAKER_04 25:40

I feel the same way. That's right.

SPEAKER_00 25:42

So maybe his uh he was on diet soda. Are they filming me?

SPEAKER_01 25:46

The Chinese will start making GLP ones for spiders.

SPEAKER_00 25:49

I know. So I thought that was a nice, just disturbing story to me.

SPEAKER_04 25:55

We could all we can all sleep better now.

SPEAKER_00 25:57

Gosh, everybody, I hope you're listening to this in the evening. My eight eyes open at this point. I remember when I was a kid, we had neighbors from Canada when my parents moved to Myrtle Beach from Montana. Uh-huh. And they were sleeping out in the woods and they didn't realize there's like cotton mouth snakes and all this stuff out there. And uh yeah, the the South is also with wild ass Irish and crazy animals that evolved.

SPEAKER_04 26:22

And just like you gotta figure, I mean, at least this part of the South where we are, where I'm at in Wilmington, um, is one of the bigger arrogance of man moments where it's like, hey, here's a swamp which is actively trying to consume everything that is in it.

SPEAKER_02 26:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 26:36

Um, let's fucking build plants, like build houses here. What a grill. And then everybody gets a house and it starts to fall apart within three years. They're like, I don't understand why everything's breaking down. I'm like, bitch, this is what the environment's trying to do.

SPEAKER_00 26:52

That's that's one of the main development strategies of Myrtle Beach. Yeah. That's right. They shove all the mud into a pile and make it part of the subdivision. Yeah, yeah.

unknown 27:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 27:03

But then they dig a hole for all of the mosquitoes to live in. Yeah. Like, I want to make sure we keep them happy.

SPEAKER_01 27:09

Well, we're gonna have to import more bats.

SPEAKER_00 27:12

I know they can't control geese in these subdivisions.

SPEAKER_04 27:15

I had one when I was in high school that we have you ever met a geese or goose that has been nice to you ever like or just the second it sees you, it's immediately like, oh I'm here to vanquish you and all your friends.

SPEAKER_01 27:27

Oh, yeah. Darren isn't here to defend the uh avian population. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 27:33

Our bird specialist. They just they just strut around like a rooster. They're the meanest damn animals for no reason. Like, bro, I'm 13 feet away from you, and you are staring me down like I am about to take your child.

SPEAKER_00 27:46

And there's shit all over your yard. That's right. Well, what happened in that neighborhood is it got overgrown and they guys couldn't figure it out, so someone went rogue and ran over all of them, and there were blood and feathers. Oh wow.

SPEAKER_04 27:58

Some someone didn't outlaw. God damn, I bet you there was a Karen that lost her shit that morning.

SPEAKER_01 28:04

And if there's a spider coming after me, I'm getting them too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:08

That was pre-uh doorbell camera, so they got away with it.

SPEAKER_04 28:12

But I'm so glad that I grew up in an air without video because I'd have been viral a billion times by the way. That's it.

SPEAKER_00 28:19

That's it. I will say, talking about roosters, when I worked at a certain real estate company that I again won't name, uh uh, they had some units in Saucasty where a lot of you know illegal immigrants and stuff live. And there was one where a Mexican family lived there and had like three roosters. I still have the photo in my uh phone. We went to go to an empty unit right next to them, and right as I got out of the car, the rooster mad-dogged me and started bucking at me, and he started growling like a dog. And they have these like Wolverine claws and just and like stood his ground. I had to get back in the car and wait for him to walk away. So roosters are also. So, why did the chicken cross the road? Yeah, right away from the roosters.

SPEAKER_01 29:02

Randy in his phone has his folder of pictures of his enemies, and he's got the rooster is that the album cover? Yes, that would be the uh the wild monkey's album cover.

SPEAKER_00 29:15

Yeah, he's wanted posters of all these Oh the rat picture when I caught him in the door at the rooster. I have all sorts of things.

SPEAKER_04 29:23

Like you were like closing the door? So like you cut him in half?

SPEAKER_00 29:26

Well, his tail got stuck in the door, and then I came back to even more horrifying things. I don't know if I've mentioned this on the podcast if I really have, but uh I when I worked for the same company, they had like 800 units, but a lot of them were low income. So it's like Mad Max type situation. So I went to do a showing on Cedar Street, which is a real hood area of Myrtle Beach, and I opened the door.

SPEAKER_01 29:50

As opposed to what you had to drive into the studio today.

SPEAKER_04 29:53

I say that coming from Baltimore.

SPEAKER_01 29:57

There's very Baltimore-esque things that we're talking about. Baltimore armpit of the dunes that we're in right now. This beachy Baltimore.

SPEAKER_04 30:07

Honestly, though, one of my favorite things about Myrtle in the sense, you know, obviously dirty Myrtle, all that fun stuff, but it is like the melting pot of all the poor people in America.

SPEAKER_03 30:20

Like you got the trailer park, you got the country poor.

SPEAKER_04 30:27

Country poor is the porous. Oh, that's cool.

SPEAKER_00 30:32

The poorest it does have every type of white trash. It's a barbecuing robot. White trash for Philly.

SPEAKER_04 30:41

I mean, it's it's it is the melting, it's like it is the melting pot of the pores.

SPEAKER_00 30:47

This is Times Square of the lower income negative.

SPEAKER_04 30:51

I'm here for it. I mean, I am a lower-income person myself because just that's how life is, you know? That's what's for your divorce debt.

SPEAKER_00 30:58

That's how we roll. Yeah. Well, it's funny because talking about the circus element of it, which when I work for this company, you see the bottom bottom wrong of people who have been homeless for 10 years, people hardcore on drugs, people with mental illness, extreme mental illness issues, and all sorts of things. I've had units spray painted and dating spill. Yeah, my dad's my main dating uh demo.

SPEAKER_04 31:23

I mean, as long as you're up to dating your shots.

SPEAKER_00 31:30

I went to this unit and I was there 15 minutes earlier, so and I opened the door, and a big rat just ran across the kitchen and I went, Oh, I'm not showing this one. So I went and showed another unit that was already rented, but it was still empty.

SPEAKER_04 31:41

Well, the rat's having dinner at that one.

SPEAKER_00 31:43

I was safe at that one. There's a couple buildings away. So I went back and I went, I have to figure this out because we have to rent this unit. So I walked in and I closed the door, and as I'm walking through the living room, I hear and I'm going, what the fuck? And I turned around and the rat's tail was stuck in the door. He was on like the top of the door jam. And I went to the back. Oh, he was going in for like the attack. Yeah, he was gonna do like a jump ambush move up. So I went like a big Jackie Jan of Black. So I'm not touching that thing. So I went out the back door, but I I I left. I was just gonna have the other guy saying I'll let him scream there and I'll leave. But then I started feeling bad that I left him in the door. So I I came back and I opened the door and just kind of like pushed it open from the outside, and there was another rat eating him. Oh my lord. And they were huge, and he had this big, long, nasty, slimy tail. And I was just like, this is then that ended up being a drug dealer unit that they had a bunch of stuff in the walls, and I guess something rotted, and rats ended up. It's like a townhouse type thing.

SPEAKER_01 32:43

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 32:44

Real old, like low-income townhouse thing. Oh, there's so many stories. I I got a concealed carry because a guy pretended to he, I was doing rent notices and he pretended to pull a gun on me at a Sun Fun Motel on 20th. It does sound like fun. It's so much fun. It's so much fun dealing with. And I think I've had some crazy jobs. Well, I grew up in trailers and stuff, and it was lower middle income at best, my old childhood, and I never dealt with stuff like I did at this company.

SPEAKER_01 33:16

Oh man.

SPEAKER_00 33:17

I had a guy OD on fentanyl, and he we he just died, and I knew him from another building with that company. And it ended up he had a fentanyl overdose, he was doing heroin, and he had HIV. So he had a blood pool with HIV and had to do like a hazmat type thing. Whoa, and they had to dig out the floor and all this stuff, and because it was fentanyl, when the coroner called me, it was fentanyl, heroin, HIV, blood, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It was just like, wow. This is so crazy. Wait, and Palms Court, where I originally met the guy who OD'd, yeah. We had incidents where a guy, right as I was pulling out of the parking lot, uh, the uh, and they're gonna knock this building down. It's on 7th, it's near the country music festival. Oh, yeah. A little house. Yeah. Uh real nice area when you get on the back streets there.

SPEAKER_04 34:09

Hey, I will uh shameless plug, though, on 7th Ave is uh the Seventh Ave Crab House. Okay. Truly some of the best steam crabs you'll ever have in Myrtle Beach. Just throwing it out there.

SPEAKER_00 34:20

And they are not from someone's legs, not like the restaurant, 7th Avenue.

SPEAKER_04 34:27

But I will say, shameless plug for them. They're awesome.

SPEAKER_01 34:30

And this section of uh Microphone Monkeys is presented to you by the greater Myrtle Beach Area Chamber of Commerce.

SPEAKER_00 34:39

Well, and you know what's funny, uh, Palm Square was the first time I saw actual like street prostitutes in my life. And there was this one Savannah who had HIV. She had given tourists HIV, and they'd come back down and beat her after death, and all sorts, she's crazy and would like spaz out in the street and everything. And she ended up getting stabbed to death and her body dumped over the 544 bridge in that trailer park area by a pond. Okay. It was I would see people doing heroin in the parking lot and prostitutes with their ass chicks up.

SPEAKER_04 35:12

You know, like across the street. I watched a pimp beat a prostitute. Like, and like we heard the screaming of my my ex at the time. She's like, she's like, what is that? And I was like, I don't know, it's 12 30 at night. I'm not looking. She's like, well, no, someone's in trouble. And I was like, and I peek out, I did like I did like that little like creeper peek. And I go, Yeah, no, we're good. She's like, I was like, I'm pretty sure a pimp just pistol whipped his prostitute. And she's like, we have to. I was like, no, we don't have to. He has a gun. No, I don't think so. Remember, we're in Maryland. It's like impossible to get a gun.

SPEAKER_01 35:47

Eventually, you and I are going to be working for Randy and his new tourism deal where he's giving tours. Oh, right over here is where we had the giant rat they've killed. Over here is where we had the prostitute jumping off the bridge. If you're looking for aid, it's a nickel. Go to the Opa. Keep your hands and legs, keep keep single file. Come on, come on.

SPEAKER_00 36:08

It would be like Arms and Legs inside of all time. It would be like those Australian Jeep Tours. Don't put your arms outside the crack.

unknown 36:16

We're gonna drive.

SPEAKER_00 36:18

Well, you know, another funny one. I was driving at Palms Court. There was a lot of stories of that one. I one time, oh see, we're gonna take a back the show with those, but I went into one. Echo does like low-income housing, the assistance housing stuff. Yeah. And uh I opened up one of the bottom floor units, and cockroaches just fell on me all over my shoulder.

SPEAKER_04 36:39

And the are we talking about like the actual like the little baby ones? Yeah, the ones that infest the restaurants.

SPEAKER_00 36:45

The bad ones. The little German ones they have the two little blades and they're light brown. And the caseworker with Echo, who manages the, you know, the crazy people I'd end up picking up at the homeless shelter to bring to their new rental.

SPEAKER_01 36:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:59

Uh she was just in shock. And then one of the times I had to go get a microwave from Walmart. So as I'm coming out of the parking lot, this guy comes over with a gun out. A guy sitting right under the Palms Courts, and I guess owed him money or something. And he put a gun in his mouth as I'm driving away, going, Oh my god. One of the other tenants, Jake, ran behind a van and hid when he lived at Palms Court. And then he ended up waving the gun. It's like a 40-unit building.

SPEAKER_01 37:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:29

And he's just waving the gun around, then he ended up hiding up on the second floor in one of the guys' units. And it's like, this is so I didn't think when I got my real estate license, I'd be a handyman slash like police officer slash caseworker. Yeah. Getting guns pointed at me.

SPEAKER_04 37:45

And I have done a lot of handyman work and I've been in some interesting, interesting. Like I had one, I'll never forget this. I mean, I could smell it. Um, but I walked in and this woman must have had 25 cats in his house. Oh, right. And I mean, I'm talking, and like the garage is where she had all of the litter in the boxes. Pemonias.

SPEAKER_01 38:09

Oh, smell all of them.

SPEAKER_04 38:10

Oh, like it was one of those things where she opened the door and I was like, it was like punched in the face with it. I was like, oh god. And then I was like, I was like, wait, what am I what am I here to do? Where am I gonna be doing this? Right? Like, how long is this gonna take? Like, I mean, and it like I I felt like I had to burn my clothes afterwards because it was just like per me, like I smelled ammonia for days.

SPEAKER_01 38:34

When I was working for GM, I had a company car, and um I was in a sketchy part of South uh St. Petersburg in Florida, and I came out and my I had this drunk woman passed out in the car, and I had to get her in her car, in my company car that I had for three days. And uh I had to call the police, we had to remove her from the vehicle, and she peed all over so bad. And then I had to drive it, I I called the the I called Atlanta and I said, you know, what do I do? And they were like Turn it under and over. Yeah, so they they they had me take it to the the the uh the dealer that I picked it up from the dealer. The deal dealer gives me this look like why? You know, and I swear that it that vehicle never was the same again. It was defiled. So yeah, I was so glad to get it back. So then, okay, my my next rule was I am going to oh, and the reason why my my uh my vehicle was unlocked is because I was ordered to unlock it when I was in that area. Because they smashed the windows. My other two vehicles got windows smashed. I tried to break it up.

SPEAKER_00 40:00

Yeah, that's a San Francisco move. That's Baltimore all day, okay.

SPEAKER_04 40:03

I lost this is my favorite. I had so I had a little uh Mazda 3 hatchback that I lived in downtown Baldwin. It was perfect, right? I could park that damn thing anywhere in those you know parallel parking hell that you were in. But there was, I mean, if you left anything that looked of value in your vehicle, they were going in it. Like, so after the second time in a week of having my window smashed, different one each time, so nice. I became buddy buddy with the window guys. Um they got the other side of the touch.

SPEAKER_01 40:37

Here's my coupon. Save one replays.

SPEAKER_04 40:43

But they uh so it got to the point where I was just like, you know what? Screw it. Just the car's being unlocked at this point. Like, I don't care. I'm not worried about, I'm not gonna leave anything in there. Okay. You ready for this? You ready for this? I had it one time. They organized my glove box. That was fun. They like pulled everything out of the glove box and it was like neatly stacked on the front seat. They took the, I don't know, 14 cents and pennies that was in the cup holder and a used chapstick.

SPEAKER_03 41:12

Used a used chapstick.

SPEAKER_04 41:15

Man, it must have been a real bad day. You're stealing a used chapstick.

SPEAKER_01 41:19

Think about how chapped they are. That's pretty chap though.

SPEAKER_00 41:26

That is funny you mentioned the cat thing because I have a funny little cat story from a woman who uh would pick up stray homeless cats and keep them in her studio.

SPEAKER_01 41:38

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 41:39

I was seeing this girl who lived in Atlantic Beach right near the town uh hall thing, right by like the strip club and everything. And I I met her at Miniola at from the same company, and she ended up moving away from that company, so I went to see her. And she had to have at least like seven or eight cats in the studio. And when you mentioned the wall of smell, it was like boom, like an uppercut.

SPEAKER_01 42:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:04

And I I still gag at the smell of cats to this day. And this was like five years ago.

SPEAKER_04 42:11

I mean, I have a cat, right? And then I I hate it, but like every time I scoop the box, my I'm at the point now where I feel like I can hold my breath for almost two and a half minutes. That's how long it takes me. Like a navy SEAL. Exactly. I mean, you see me at that box, you're like, damn, bro, is everything okay over there box? I just don't want to throw up. Oh my god. Honestly, my favorite time to wear that mask was during COVID. I had that big, like the big P90, like when you do like drywall and stuff like that. And then I also, so I used to work for um DeWalt and Craftsman uh for Stanley Black Deck. So I have a mountain of toys, essentially. Oh yeah. Uh, but I also have all kinds of different accessories and fun stuff. Well, they had these goggles that were smoked out, right? So I had these big old aviator smoked out goggles on and that big huge mask. And of course, I was doing handyman work at the time. So I'm in and out of Lowe's Home Depots all the time. So I gotta wear the stupid mask and all that dumb shit. Yeah. And I'm like, you know what? All right, I'm gonna play your game, but I'm going to the extremely are gonna be like, is is should we be concerned? Should we put a suit on? Is this a problem? This is he come in in an aircraft. I don't understand what's happening right now. And I just and of course I'd be like, hey, how's it going, everybody?

SPEAKER_00 43:34

Should we be concerned?

SPEAKER_04 43:36

Yes, always.

SPEAKER_00 43:38

Well, it's funny. It's just when you get into it's when you mention handyman stuff, it's the same thing as some of this real estate stuff with the low-income housing, because a lot of the units that need handyman work are uh oh it's uh uh grams at the door.

SPEAKER_01 43:54

Um you should know the the rule, but go keep keep talking, guys.

SPEAKER_00 44:00

But it it's funny doing all the handyman stuff and this the nightmare thing. I was just this last couple days had to replace a uh drywall and a ceiling that flooded from another unit.

SPEAKER_04 44:11

Drywall's the worst. Oh you ever want something to never look like it used to, put a hole in drywall. It will never look the same. I don't care how good you are, unless you're one of those guys who does drywall, like for a living. And I will tell you, they are a very select group of humans. Like if you've met somebody who does drywall for a living, you know that they do drywall for a living. Exactly. But that's the type of person that I call when I have a moment where I'm like, I'm not doing that because I know I'll never get it to look good, and I'll pay the extra three dollars for that guy. Because it's all three dollars in a pack of smokes. Like you hit him with a four loco, and you might actually do it for free. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:50

Well, you know, something else you run into in real estate or hoarders. Oh, God. And there was one this lady was in Atlantic holiday. It was up, it had to be like five feet in the air in the studio. And as the maintenance guy and they were doing the share. Sit out and everything.

SPEAKER_01 45:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:05

There were dead cats in her, but between the pizza boxes, clothes, and everything.

SPEAKER_04 45:12

The hoarders with the trash are the ones that are like, yeah. Like, how?

SPEAKER_00 45:16

You don't realize how many people have these issues until you have to deal with them every day.

SPEAKER_04 45:20

Until you walk in their home, oh, we're gone. It seems so calm collected.

SPEAKER_03 45:25

What happened?

SPEAKER_00 45:27

Well, and it's even like those Echo ones, because a lot of them have been on drugs or whatever, mental illness.

SPEAKER_03 45:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:31

There was one at Wave Rider where we went in with the sheriff and just the entire thing was spray painted like camo style. The ceiling, the waltz, the toilet, the tub. And it seems like he took apart the furniture from the dressers and made a fortunate. And it's like, what is I think we need to find out what drugs he was? Yeah, this is part of some of these Baltimore downtown Myrtle drugs. Licking toads. Yeah. Yeah. He might have the no mushrooms we were talking about. Right. He said I had to hide. But yeah, it's it's funny the uh the shenanigans you run into. It is very cuckoo's nest uh esque. Esque, yeah. But going back to the animal kingdom, which the these real estate stories show how much like fucking uh baboons humans are. Uh study finds giraffes are capable of rudimentary math.

SPEAKER_04 46:36

You think they can teach some of us humans?

SPEAKER_00 46:39

Replace Common Core with Math is hard.

SPEAKER_03 46:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 46:42

I mean, I just look at some of these budgets that these governments are putting out. Oh, yeah. What kind of math are we doing, guys? Let's get the giraffes on it. Maybe we can get back to baseline.

SPEAKER_01 46:54

You spend twice as much as you bring in. No, no wonder Mondami thinks he balanced the budget up in New York. Well, but giraffe said it was Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:05

Do we need some giraffe math on any of the things?

SPEAKER_04 47:09

His name's Joffrey.

SPEAKER_00 47:16

Socialism is us. Well, you know, something funny, not in the story, chimpanzees have a better short-term memory than humans. Humans, when they do IQ tests, like the Wexler intelligence scale, they'll do things like reverse digit span and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_01 47:33

What were you talking about?

SPEAKER_00 47:35

Short-term memory. Hold on, let me get some more rebellious. Well, check this out. The average human can do about five digits. That's like dead average. Chimps, and every uh extra digit is like a standard deviation. It's statistically significant. Right. Chimps can do like 13.

SPEAKER_01 47:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 47:52

It would be like they have like a 200 IQ for short-term memory.

SPEAKER_01 47:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:56

But all their other skills are way lower, obviously, in other areas.

SPEAKER_04 48:00

Maybe not that much lower.

SPEAKER_00 48:02

There we are.

SPEAKER_04 48:03

I mean, if there was gonna be a movie to like, you know, come real life. Outside of idiocracy, we're currently living in a documentary.

SPEAKER_00 48:15

Yeah, we're not far off. With these neuralink chips, I'm sure we can uh experiment with some real life planet of the apes uh comment.

SPEAKER_03 48:22

I mean, one of these movies is gonna come true. Let's hear it.

SPEAKER_00 48:25

Terminator, Planet of the Apes. We'll we'll see which direction it takes first. Oh, Lord. But the University of Barcelona at the Max Planck Institute of Evolutionary Anthropology published in scientific reports that giraffes can look at containers and watch objects humans added, such as carrots, and count them to the exact number 68% of the time.

SPEAKER_04 48:55

So they're hungry. And you're holding two from them, and they're like, basically the one with eight in it. I'm hungry.

SPEAKER_00 49:04

Well, I don't I I don't know how similar uh I remember when I went to Walk at the zoo before they shut it down here. Yeah. Uh all these animals seem to like to spit at you. I think they I think it was a me, but at you. Yeah, me, man.

SPEAKER_04 49:20

I remember once you've never been to a prison. Because they also like to spit at you.

SPEAKER_00 49:29

When you're in the cage, I mean you kind of just start spitting at people. That's right. You have nothing to lose. We're fabulous. That takes spin on this thing to a different level.

SPEAKER_01 49:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:42

Uh oh, and I just lost our main story about our penis. Oh, come on, number five, baby. That's the one. That's the one. Yeah. So many questions.

SPEAKER_01 49:51

Michael's been Michael's been waiting for those ones.

SPEAKER_00 49:54

Fort Wayne, I'm guessing Indiana.

SPEAKER_01 49:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:57

Man cuts off penis and uses it to set fire to his mother's garage, police say.

SPEAKER_01 50:03

I don't think he used the penis to set fire to his mother's garage. He did it on the five.

SPEAKER_04 50:07

Was it just the tip?

SPEAKER_00 50:11

Just the tip. That's the first question. To start your mother's house on fire. Yeah. You need the take the job.

SPEAKER_04 50:21

I mean, did he use the balls as like a grenade?

SPEAKER_01 50:27

That'll teach you.

SPEAKER_00 50:29

I mean, take one for you and one for dad. This might be where uh the schizophrenia and other things kick in. So prosecutors have charged a Fort Wayne man with arson after he cut off his penis and used it to burn down his mother's garage. Christopher Pedden, 36, is due in Allen County court Monday for a May 6th fire in the detached garage of his mother's property. Speaking of detached, there's a couple things.

SPEAKER_01 51:16

He was just doing his own sexual health care sexual health care at Munich.

SPEAKER_04 51:23

I mean, that's one way to lose weight.

SPEAKER_00 51:26

Cut off about 16 ounces, then. That's right.

SPEAKER_04 51:29

Well, you know, maybe probably about eight. If he's only a detached garage, he didn't get the whole house.

SPEAKER_00 51:36

He might be a micro penis. He might be uh dealing with a couple things. The fire investigator at the Fort Wayne fire department arrived at the home to investigate an incident with the detached garage. According to the probable cause affidavit, Pedden's mother and brother lived in the home. They informed investigators the garage had no electricity and only a small gas can for the lawnmower. When his brother all the all the ads on these Hindu time stories, I guess. Peddon's brother also reported Christopher was nowhere to be found. Sometime later, police found an injured Pedden claiming he'd been stabbed in downtown Fort Wayne. While investigating the stabbing, they connected him to the missing person from the garage fire. Medics rushed Pedden to the hospital for treatment where it says he confessed he was dishonest about the stabbing and wanted to be truthful. So police say Pedden admitted to the fire, telling officers he went out to his mother's garage around 2 a.m. and cut off his penis with a kitchen knife. From there, he reportedly poured gasoline on his penis and set it on fire on the floor of the garage just inside the door. After starting the fire, he walked away and let the fire burn.

SPEAKER_04 53:01

So how is he walking?

unknown 53:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 53:05

It might have been a micro penis.

SPEAKER_04 53:07

What kind of drugs was he on?

SPEAKER_01 53:11

I'm trying to figure out what message is he driving.

SPEAKER_00 53:18

No more allowance, Mom. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 53:21

Lord.

SPEAKER_00 53:24

So it's amazing these interesting. Every week we always have at least a half dozen. Ah, yeah. Yeah. But I also have one more uh final story. Okay. This is from uh China. China. Venomous snakes escape breeding farm in southern China during flooding. We were just talking about COVID and the shutdowns. What are the Chinese doing here? Well, there's not bats involved, so today.

SPEAKER_01 53:52

And is this breeding farm near Wuhan?

SPEAKER_00 53:55

It was Hangzhou, so it might be adjacent to Wuhan. Wuhan. Local media in Hangzhou report king rat snakes and hundreds of cobras that were being bred in a Chinese facility escaped during a flooded water typhoon. What are they breeding them for? Eggs exactly.

SPEAKER_04 54:18

I mean, them Chinese do some crazy shit with animals. So I mean, think about like they want like, you know, like whale penis and like things like that. So I'm sure they were probably like harvesting the nuts of these things and turning it into a powder that they were snorting with. Really make you feel good. I swear, man, I swear. Settle down, creative man. Like, relax.

SPEAKER_00 54:39

We'll try these on the Uyghurs. Throw them in with a cobra. Oh man. So hundreds of snakes, including cobras, escated from flooded breeding farm in southern China as severe storms battered parts of that country. State media said the floodwaters hit days after heavy rainfall and caused a typhoon. A dramatic video shared by state media showing local people using dip nets to catch snakes and a cobra poking its head above a torrent of muddy water went viral. The local media reported the types of escape snakes included water snakes, king rat snakes, and cobras. Hundreds of snakes escaped all at once. I've seen five or six a snake bite victim in the local hospital told Beijing News. Oh boy. So a villager said he was bitten by a cobra while cleaning debris on the ground floor of his house.

SPEAKER_04 55:41

All right, so then the question becomes if this place was breeding all these things and they possibly were like, you know, I don't know, harvesting venom, I think they made some anti-venom? Yeah, there you go. At least the hospital will be like, hey guys, can we get some of that? Like we're gonna need a you fucked up.

SPEAKER_01 55:56

Like, let's a sequel to Snakes on the Plane. Snakes on the Plane, Snakes Invasion.

SPEAKER_04 56:04

Don't eat the bat.

unknown 56:05

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 56:07

It always China, every week there's at least one China story. They have Kung Fu robots. They had the King of Iron Sandpalm, who does professional uh uh hand exercises for questionable origins, how he built them up.

SPEAKER_04 56:24

I mean, there's a billion of them. You figure they gotta have some story. Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_00 56:27

A billion people in a third world country, there's gonna be some uh escape rattlesnake kung fu robot stories. Exactly. Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 56:34

I mean it to me, it strikes me it's like kind of like Florida, but you know, on a mass scale.

SPEAKER_01 56:40

If Florida had a billion people, oh there you go.

SPEAKER_03 56:43

Thank God.

SPEAKER_01 56:44

Folks, this has been another incredible episode of Microphone Monkeys. And don't forget to go out and get your Rebel Rabbit drink as soon as you possibly can. Is there a website?

SPEAKER_04 56:58

Oh yeah, drinkrebelrabbit.com. DrinkRebel Rabbit.com. And you can't find it at a store, you can order it direct to your house.

SPEAKER_01 57:04

You got it. You'll see that in the uh comment section. And for now, and every Thursday, you can tune in. Here we come say goodbye, monkeys. Later off the way.

SPEAKER_02 57:20

Free to speak and free to trade. Markets have no need for Hey. Hey, hey, we're the microphone monkeys. People say we're at our kids, funkies. But we're too busy being free. Hey, we're the microphone monkeys. No red step to tie us down by the road, all through the town, five to wave, hands off my big toy, beat all the day, baby.