Midlife Musings
Unfiltered conversations about the real challenges of navigating midlife
Midlife Musings
Episode 14: Let’s Talk Alcohol: You Don't Have to Quit...But It Might Be Time to Get Curious
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Alcohol is one of those topics that almost everyone has a relationship with and almost no one talks about honestly. We open up about our own journeys with alcohol, how our relationship with it has evolved over the years, what made us start questioning it, and where we’ve landed for now.
This is an honest, judgment-free conversation that meets women exactly where they are, whether they're considering cutting back, getting sober curious, or just trying to be more intentional about how alcohol fits into their life.
The episode also gets into the real downstream effects of alcohol that don't always make it into casual conversation: how it impacts sleep, body composition, hormones, mood, and recovery, particularly in perimenopause, where the margin for error is already smaller.
We walk through the risk factors worth knowing, the questions worth asking yourself to honestly assess your own relationship with alcohol, and what it actually looks like to include it intentionally without feeling like you have to give it up completely.
If you've ever found yourself wondering whether alcohol is quietly hindering your overall wellbeing and weight goals, or just felt curious about what life might look and feel like with less of it, this episode will give you a lot to think about.
Key Takeaways:
- How our personal relationships with alcohol have changed over time
- The downstream effects of alcohol on sleep, hormones, body composition, and mood
- Why alcohol hits differently in perimenopause and what that means for your goals
- Questions to ask yourself to honestly assess your relationship with it
- How to include alcohol intentionally without feeling like you have to quit completely
If this one hit close to home, share it with a friend who needs to hear it, and leave a review if this one resonated. It means the world to us and helps other women in midlife find us.
And make sure you're following Midlife Musings so you never miss an episode. New episodes drop every Monday.
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All right. We got a good topic today. We sure do. Everyone's favorite. Alcohol.
SPEAKER_01Let's talk about it. I mean, I know I've had quite the journey with alcohol. I think you have two.
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Not not in a negative way necessarily, but I started young. We all do. How old were you?
SPEAKER_01Okay, first drink.
SPEAKER_00Uh I believe I was 15. Same.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I'm sure I tried it with my parents prior to that, but I would say I regularly started drinking alcohol when I was 15 because I dated a guy who was a year older than me. So that would have been my sophomore year, his junior year. So at that point, all of his friends were driving. So we could drive to parties and do all that. And yeah, I would tell my mom, oh, we're going to the bowling alley, or oh, I'm so and so's house. And my parents believed every word I said. And that's definitely not what I was doing, not what you're doing.
SPEAKER_01Well, I that was my first drink, and somebody gave me a Budweiser, and it was so disgusting. So that actually kind of deterred me because I was like, that's gross. Like, I don't even know what you guys are even seeing in this. I believe at 17 I had like my first mixed drink. It was like um what's it called? Vodka vodka and orange juice. What is that?
SPEAKER_00Screwdriver.
SPEAKER_01Screwdriver, yes. Really like that. Went a little too far with that. Um, but I really didn't have access, like I just didn't really run in those circles. So it wasn't until college that I was like, let's do this more regularly.
SPEAKER_00Why can't I remember where you went to college? I went to APU. I don't think that you've ever asked me that. No. What does APU stand for?
SPEAKER_01Azusa Pacific University.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah, yeah. I've heard about. Okay.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So that was also part of like that was a private Christian university, so um, I had to Christian university. I had to sign a contract saying I would not drink on campus or off. Like it just wasn't allowed.
SPEAKER_00But did you anyways? Of course. Of course. I was gonna say you broke the contract, right? I did.
SPEAKER_01We all did. I mean, not all, but like, yes, a lot of students were. But because there was that culture, um, it wasn't like as profound around me and it wasn't everywhere. Like, I there were as far as I know, there weren't like frats or sororities also. So that wasn't happening. So that's what I'm saying. I just really didn't have access. Um my friend group. Yes, we drank, but a lot of it was at home. Um I would say I didn't start really drinking even more till after college, once I was 21 and could access it much more easily. So okay.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, because I definitely started drinking regularly at 15. I don't remember what my first drink was where I was doing it intentionally drunk. But I think I remember probably some beer because we used to always go to keg parties. So the guys would get the keg, and either we were doing it at someone's house where the parents were away, or there was this park, and they would put it in the trash can. Cover the keg with the trash can. So if the cops came, you know, they could hide it, all of that. So yeah, we were doing all of the things, and I will say, even though I drank quite frequently, I was always responsible with it. I never drank and drove, and I am one of those people, and I've always been this way, where I do not like feeling out of control in my body. And so, yes, I wanted to get buzzed or a little drunk, you know, just the social lubricant, because I'm gonna say it right now. I am a damn good time when I drink. I'm a lot of fun.
SPEAKER_01Um, but I have never met that Marcy. I'll say that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, because well, we'll tell the story. We will tell the story, but yeah. We pulled it on one of the first episodes, but we'll have to tell it again in case you're listening. Um, buzzed or drunk Marcy is a very good time. Any type of inebriated Marcy is a good time. Like I've had procedures where I've needed to be put under, so wisdom teeth, some other surgeries, and they give me propofol or whatever it is. When I come out of it, I remember my gastroenterologist. He's like, You're fun. You're putting a holler. I know, yeah. Like I'm cracking the jokes and all of that. So anyway, uh, yeah, I always had a good time, but I never took it to the point where I was blacked out. And I also I've never done drugs. I've smoked marijuana maybe 10 times in my entire life. I don't enjoy it, but any other type of hard drug, I was always worried that I was gonna be the one where it was laced with something and I was gonna end up dead. So yeah, that was my deterrent. But I never got blacked out drunk, even though a lot of kids, both in high school and in college, they did like that was their goal. Like, oh yeah, let's get blocked out. Not necessarily the girls, but the guys for sure. So I was responsible with it. And I can count on, I don't know, maybe one hand the amount of times that I got really, really drunk. And oh, go figure one of them was with my parents. Oh my best yeah, my best friend and I, we went on a cruise and we were in Jamaica at Margaritaville drinking those margaritas out of the yardsticks, and oh, you know, the combination of sun and alcohol that'll do it to you. Sure will. Yeah, but it was it was a good time.
SPEAKER_01Uh so I too am a good, I'm a happy drunk. That's what I will say. So we we could have in another lifetime, you know, you and I probably could have had a really good time because um, yeah, I had a lot of fun. I mean, it was definitely so this is where like I sort of learned that I was like an ambivert because I definitely have introverted tendencies, but I also have extroverted tendencies where I do like to be with people, but I'm like sometimes I would even tell um or call myself a shy extrovert. Um so alcohol was great in just helping me kind of of course lower my inhibitions and just like have a good time. So yeah, I was definitely a fun, a fun drunk. Um drugs also like hard drugs scare the hell out of me. Like that's just never been interesting to me. Um, I just I mean I already it's already a little nerve-wracking, like getting inebriated, you know, and like I've I don't know, I had less fear when I was younger, but yeah, I was like, that's the most I can deal with is the feeling of being drunk. That's enough. Like, I don't know how I don't know. There's just no interest for me in completely altering my state of mind to the point where I really just don't know what's going on.
SPEAKER_00Like, and I think if I remember I think if I remember correctly, I've only gotten really sick one time from drinking, and that was in high school. My parents were out of town, and I went over to my boyfriend at the time, one of his friends' houses, who ironically is now uh my mom's best friend. So she worked with this woman, and yeah, I was at her son's house, and we were playing ping, not ping pong, uh yeah, ping pong. And my friend who I took with me, she was spiking the chaser. So I was drinking and then she was spiking my chaser at the same time, and I didn't realize, and it was Jack and Coke. If you have ever gotten sick off of Jack and Coke, oh my gosh, it is the worst. So she took me home because she was the DD. And again, my parents were gone, thankfully, or else that would have not been good. And she takes me inside, and I am it's coming out both ends, like that is how sick I am. I thought she was dying. She's like, okay, I gotta go. I'm like, you can't leave me like that. It's my curfew. So that was definitely the last time I ever made that mistake. Um, yeah. So no like crazy stories, but I did enjoy it. And then I'll never forget. Um, let's see. So yeah, I was drank a lot in college. I was in a sorority. So I would say Thursday, Friday, Saturday night we were going out and drinking the $2 Long Islands and all that. Oh, it was so fun. But when I graduated and I started working a real job, I would go to the bars or to the clubs every now and then. Again, why are people going out on a Thursday night? I don't understand because they're young and they have no like repercussions. Well, I mean, I was doing it too, so I could think I'm asking myself, why wouldn't you do that? Luckily, I didn't, you know, do anything egregious to the point where I couldn't show up for work the next day. So that lasted until I was about 25. And when I was 24, I met my now ex-husband, and he and I would drink occasionally. You know, if we went to a wedding or something like that, but we weren't going out socially on the weekends and getting drunk. We didn't drink at home, anything like that. And it was Halloween. I was 25 and I went a little too hard on the mic lemonades. And the next and I wasn't even that drunk, but the next day I woke up and in high school, in college, even in my earlier 20s, I could drink and be totally fine the next day. Like go to the gym at 4:30 in the morning, no issues. And I woke up after that night, and I had the most pounding headache, and I was like, I was on the couch all day. Like, I literally wanted to kill myself. I was I was like, that's it, I'm done. And first hangover, first major hangover, and I really have not drank regularly since then. It was I was like, no, it's not worth it. The amount of fun is not worth it. So that was 25, you said? That was 25. And then at that point, I was really dealing with my health issues, and so I understood that it wasn't doing me any favors in that regard. I didn't understand, and I was so neurotic about my physique and you know how my body looked, but I didn't realize the negative impact or even the calories necessarily that alcohol was having.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. That's probably about the time 25. Let me think. Somewhere, maybe about 23, 24 was actually when my drinking ramp ramped up. I wasn't really drinking regularly before that. I mean, yes, a little in college, but it was just harder because we weren't 21 and I just didn't have older friends. Um, yeah, so like it was more like, yeah, they're socially, yes, we drank in college, but it was not like again, we I was at a you know private university, so it was just not around me. So it wasn't really till later that I started drinking a little more socially, and then I remember like one friend in particular. I mean, she just drank a lot, and so it just became part of what we did because you know, when you're around it, I I remember actually in particular, like they just like would knock back beers like no big deal, and like it's so gross, but at the same time, they were so much cheaper than like a mixed drink, and um, so I remember forcing myself every time I would go out drinking, I'd have at least one beer because I heard like at some point you would you'll enjoy the taste, and sure enough, yes, that is true. Like, I like it just got to the point where I was like, Oh, actually, this is good, and I think I found beers that I enjoyed. I wasn't drinking Budweiser anymore. Um, and even now, I mean, like on a hot day, like a cold, cold beer does sound good, but it's rarely worth it because yeah, now it's like I think it was last week, no, maybe two weeks ago, my sister and I went out for dinner, which is like a rarity. Um, just her and I. I didn't really want to drink, but it was just like it was a great moment to just like be with my sister, no kids, and like have undivided attention to just chat. So it was totally like, yeah, that's I had a glass of wine. Um, and yeah, I had a raging headache the next day. I was like, dear God, I had one glass of wine. Come on, like so ridiculous.
SPEAKER_00So one of the last, and we'll tell the story, one of the last time the last time that I drank was three years ago. I thought it was this month. It was actually three years ago in March because it was at the Real Coaches Summit. And I've been to that event two times. Yeah. So the first I stayed with our friend Steph and I introduced you to her, and you guys convinced me to go out on the town because we were in Vegas, you were in Vegas. That's what you do when you're in Vegas, and the conference was at was at the Burgeon, which is a very nice hotel, but it's off the strip. Yeah. So you convinced me to go with you to the strip, and we went to my favorite hotel, which is Caesars Palace. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, yeah. Uh, because I think it's because my favorite restaurant in Vegas is there, Joe's Seafood. Oh, yeah. Um, so anyway, we walked around for a while and we found this really cool restaurant. I want to say it was called the Water Bar or something like that. Something like that, yeah. And we sat at the bar, we had a really good meal, and they're like, come on, just have a drink. Soap. Usually I do not succumb to peer pressure, but it wasn't the type of thing where I like felt like I needed it to fit in, or if I didn't, you guys would be judging me. It's like, all right, I haven't drank for a very long time at this point, and I'm only gonna get one. And so I think I got some sort of cucumber margarita. It was delicious. I took about four sips, didn't even finish it. Part of the reason was because I knew that I was leaving the next day earlier, but then you guys also convinced me to stay there, yeah. And we told the story too, thank God, uh, divine intervention, so to speak, because I was able to help you saved my ass, so save your ass the next day. Uh that iPhone situation. So, anyway, that is the last time. But yeah, I for some reason thought that it was two years ago, and then I was trying to make a post for it yesterday, saying, like, oh, today is it's been like three years since I last drank. And I was like, oh no. Wait, excuse me, I was gonna say it was two years, like, oh no, I went back and I looked at our text messages and I said, was that the real coaches summit two years ago or three years ago? And sure enough, it was three, and then the time that I had drank before that was my 35th birthday, maybe one glass of wine, maybe not even that. And yeah, I woke up the next day, headache, brain fog, just feeling off. And I'm like, nope, not doing it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. So my journey's a little, a little more complicated. Yeah. So I mean, I like obviously my first drink at 15, my first like real, like I got drunk at 17 once, and then it was like, oh, that was terrible. Um yeah, and like I didn't have access, but like it was still happening in college, and it wasn't until after, and I think like again, like kind of navigating my own, like being this ambival. And I also had a lot of a lot that I was kind of handling um on my own, and therapy wasn't really like talked about a lot. So this is like early 2000s, um, this wasn't quite what it was now, and I found at some point, oh, alcohols were really great at like kind of helping me deal with a lot of what I was kind of going through. Um and so that became a little bit too much of a crutch. And eventually when I did get into therapy more seriously, like I had oh gosh, no, I'm not I'm not gonna remember my timeline completely, but by my third therapist, um, which each therapist was like pretty spaced out. Like I'd I'd start and go for a while and then be like, hmm, not not a great fit. Um was around was when COVID happened happened. Um so that was online um therapy. And it just coincided also with this moment where I think I had just drinking drinking, is that a word? I drank a little too much, and I got so sick from it. So I'm very prone to allergies, and sometimes like drinking like the sulfates, you know, could really like kick up my allergies, and I just got awfully sick from it, and that really like in my brain, I don't know whether it was the alcohol or not, but like my brain attached it to alcohol, and I just was really repulsed by alcohol for a year. Um, because I was like, that just got me so sick, I I'm not doing that again, and that slowly then became I don't actually think I want to drink much anymore in therapy at the same time. I think they both kind of coincided where it was like, oh, alcohol's absolutely a crutch for me not dealing with certain things. So I just kind of went raw, like, okay, we're gonna really kind of cut this out. Um, yeah. And now I like the extreme part of me really wanted to just go no alcohol for the rest of my life. But I was like, that's dumb because I think that's just setting me up for extremes. Like at some point I probably will want, you know, a glass of wine or a beer. So it just became it really has to be worth it. And um sometimes it is, and a lot of times it's just it's just not like the glass of wine I had last two weeks ago with my sister, that was the first this year. I think last year I counted, I had three drinks the whole year, you know. Um, so like when we were in Vegas, I was already on this like journey of like cutting alcohol out, but like that just felt like we were in Vegas. Uh, you two were very um how do I say like I knew not none of your mentality was like let's go get wasted. You know, it was like, oh, we're out and like let's have a drink. And you know, I know we had a drink at dinner, and then we went to like a little, I won't I don't even want to call it a bar, but it was like a bar, lounge lounge, it was a lounge, yes. Um that's different to me, like a bar that's like a meat market type, you know. And this was just like, hey, everybody's hanging out and yeah, having a drink.
SPEAKER_00I um pretty sure I had another drink there, and that was you guys had at least one or two more glasses of wine. I did not, I stopped at that point. No, yeah, yeah, but that was a very vibey place. It was. It was um the Vander pump.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah. I feel like we saw some things happening.
SPEAKER_00Oh, we did see some things, yes. We we'll save those stories for ourselves.
SPEAKER_01But ours are great for people watching because all kinds of people just especially when you're mostly sober.
SPEAKER_00Yes, yeah, you're like, oh my god, what's happening around me? Great entertainment. Yeah, but I just think that's interesting because all of my family drinks, I don't know about yours, but my parents once they once my dad started to make more money because when I was growing up, they were broke. But when he started to become more successful in his career and they were becoming more social with friends, like wine was gaining in popularity. And we live about 45 to minutes an hour from Napa, which is wine country. So they got really into drinking wine, especially with their friends. That was just a social thing for them. So they belonged to multiple wine clubs, they would go up to Napa. I mean, I would say a couple times per month. Yeah, oh yeah, to wine taste to pick up orders, all of that. Um, this is like all coming back to me. So my dad's business, he ran a precision sheet metal manufacturing company. And he and his partner, they were really into wine, and they even created something called a wine caddy because they had all this equipment for you know what they were doing business-wise. So, you know, when it came to like the the met the sheet metal and the welding, so yeah, they created this thing that was basically like a suitcase for your wine, and some of them had either handles or rollers, so you could take it with you out to dinner, or you could even check it as luggage if you were traveling. Yeah, so it was really cool. Uh, I've forgotten about that. Um, I mean, my parents probably had like 500 bottles of wine in at home. It was just, it was a hobby for them for sure. And I just never enjoyed it. And my dad would always say, one of these days, you're gonna end up liking it because as you get older, your taste buds change. I'm like, No, I'm not, and I don't dislike it. I'm not repulsed by it like I am. Like, I do not like beer whatsoever. Um, but wine, and maybe it grew on me a little bit, but. But never to the point where I'm like, oh, I am craving a glass of wine. If there's anything that I would want to drink, it's definitely a cocktail, like a mojito, a margarita, something like that, a pina colada. Like there are times when I miss drinking because I enjoy the taste of some beverages and because I do like being a little bit buzzed, but for many reasons, it's just no longer worth it. Does that mean I will absolutely 100% with certainty never drink again? No, I can't say that for sure. But at this time in my life, it's just a no. Um yeah, like I said, even though, and it's funny because even when I was younger and not yet 21, I did drink with my parents on occasion, or they would be encouraging me. Like we would go camping or you know, away with this big group of friends, and they were always drinking. So I mean, I I was as young as I mean, not even in my teens yet. There's these things called the rainbow spizzes. Do you know what those are? I do not. Gosh, it's like I think it's gin and cream, maybe even egg and nutmeg, and you blend it all together. And so yeah, my mom would give me a sip of that. And yeah, so it's like my and my parents encouraged, not like owl.
SPEAKER_01Well, I don't know, like it's interesting because I had kind of the opposite experience where my parents they didn't drink, they didn't swear, like in front of us for years. Um, and it really probably wasn't until I know for sure I was in my 20s. And now so me and my sister are six years apart, and I'm the oldest. Um so they really just like there was never alcohol in the house. I never saw them drink when we went out. Um, they didn't swear, like they were very like much, I think, on purpose trying to model what they wanted. But see, I feel like that, and also I grew up in the church, so there's a lot of like just ingrained um yeah, yes and no's, right? Black and whites, like you don't do that, you don't do this. Um, that made it more interesting, intriguing, which is why like at 15 I was like, Yeah, I would like a beer. And then I was like, oh, this is disgusting. Like, okay, that was enough, you know. And then at 17 that was with a boyfriend, and well, that was fun, but I was like, oh, I did not like feeling so out of control, also. Um, but yeah, like my parents really kind of sheltered us, I guess. Like they just kept that. Now, once we were older and it was, you know, um I guess legal for us to drink, yeah. Like, and even now they'll have a drink, but I've never really seen my parents overindulge. Um, but certainly they waited until we were much older to kind of bring that in. And, you know, now I think it's appropriate. Like, I still don't want to see I don't know that they drink over drink. I don't think they do, but like it would be weird to see that. And like, I will say one time um my mom was staying when I lived with my sister, my mom was staying with us for uh uh I I forget what was happening, but she was with us, and my sister's fiance at the time was over, and we decided for us to just play a game, and like me and my brother, now brother-in-law, decided to have some whiskey. And I don't know what happened. I cannot tell you. The two of us finished that bottle, and that was probably the only time that I was like drunk in front of my mom, and she just thought it was so funny. Like, she videoed me the next day. Like, I see this video, and I was as I have already said, like, I was fun, and I was like, Oh my god, that's like embarrassing that I was like drunk with you, but like yeah, that was you know, maybe 10 years ago. Um, but anyways, I had a very uh different upbringing in that way, but I think it just intrigued me. Um yeah, and it wasn't but it wasn't until later that I started to really experiment with more alcohol.
SPEAKER_00It's interesting because my mom's family, they were very much Catholic. My dad's family was too, but not to the extent that my mom's was. But they were really the big drinkers. So I remember every summer going down to our beach house, and five o'clock, it was cocktail hour. Like that's what they said, oh, it's cocktail hour, and everyone, not me, but had a drink. So it's just interesting how it becomes this pervasive routine. So something like that, you know, again, as my parents got older and work was more stressful every single night, as soon as they got home, they opened the bottle of wine, and that's how they unwinded, pun intended. The yeah, the social interactions. Um, you know, most nights they were going to dinner, not most nights, excuse me, like every Thursday they would go to dinner. There's a Thursday night again, right? Yeah, go down to this restaurant and they would sit at the bar and have a couple glasses of wine. Maybe they would have dinner. And it's interesting, like they became friends with the bartenders to the point where my parents were invited to the bartender's wedding in Mexico. And they actually, I guess alcohol does connect people. So I think in that way, you know, and even if you look at uh Europeans and the blue zones, like, well, alcohol really isn't that bad because look at them, they're drinking every night and they don't have all of these health problems. So yeah, I think that the connection piece can be beneficial, but it's not gonna offset the negative health consequences. So maybe that's what we need to get dive into now. We've shared a whole lot about our first experience. Although, I really quick before I end on that, I'm curious if you are willing to share what that routine looked like for you that you now know was not serving you. Was it coming home from work after a long day and opening the wine or whatever the drink of choice was to shut off? Or yeah, kind of how did it play out?
SPEAKER_01Like what really ultimately caused me to stop, or like what I was so I will say, I was never like I didn't ever drink alone or at home. Um, it was always when I went out, so it was absolutely a social lubricant. Um, but I will say when I eased off, and even that year where I was just like repulsed by alcohol, and that was kind of the kickoff to all of this. Um, that changed some of my relationships. I found it hard to be with certain people, and um, I found like our connection was weaker because, you know, people have a hard time when you don't drink, especially if they saw you as a drinker before, especially like a social drinker. Um, it it makes people uncomfortable when you say no. Um, and I had to learn, okay, like it's easier for people to hear something like, oh, I'm not drinking right now, so it's not so like finite. Um, or you know, I'm doing a health challenge or whatever. Like that was a little easier for people, but yeah, I just remember there was this almost awkward period of time where I was like, even I feel like, oh shoot, I've really leaned on alcohol in social situations to feel more relaxed and comfortable. So now I have to find that, figure out how to do that, um, sober, um, and then navigate these new relationships. And it's like, are you were you just always annoying, or I was drunk, so I didn't notice, or because therapy was happening at the same time, like I'm just changing and like we're growing apart. Like it was kind of a hard transition um for me. But yeah, I never drank alone. And a lot of the drinking was just to like socially feel comfortable. Um, and it was just like I also like as a type A, I'm sure people can kind of relate to this. Um, if I was gonna drink, I was gonna drink. I wasn't just like gonna have one, which I can easily do now. But it was like, well, if I'm gonna have it, I'm gonna have two or three, you know. Like I want to buzz, or I want, you know, to I want to feel it, right? Otherwise, like what am I doing? Um, so I had to like work through, I think, that too, because yeah, there was like no moderation with that. So interesting.
SPEAKER_00Um I will say I consider myself lucky because I have never really felt socially pressured. The most pressure I felt is from my parents. That's crazy. And not not even really like from other members of my family. So yeah, they would say, like, oh, do you want to drink? And if I said no, they weren't, oh come on, you're no fun. Like, I really never have received that. And I think it just how it played out that in my early 20s, when I was I was single, I was going to the bars and dancing on tables and you know, meeting men and just doing stuff that I should not have been doing. Real, real low self-worth behavior. But it wasn't because I didn't feel like, or it wasn't because I wanted to fit in, or I was trying to like I felt uncomfortable being out socially. It was just that's what people did. And I was just, I wasn't even trying to follow the crowd necessarily, but it's like, oh, I remember from high school and from college. Like, this is fun. So let's just keep the party going. And then yeah, when I met my ex-husband and we both decided that we were gonna stop drinking, the majority of the people that we hung out with were his friends. So most of mine were either still up in Oregon where I had gone to college, yeah, they had moved away. So we were hanging up, hanging out, excuse me, with his group, and most of them did not drink. So that helped out as well. And then when he and I got divorced, I got into a new relationship very quickly, and he did not drink because he was a competitive power lifter. So it's like alcohol and powerlifting did not mix. Um, and so none of his friends, like his powerlifting friends, they didn't either. So it's not like I was around it in that regard. And then we were together for five years, we broke up, and I dated a guy for about a year after that. And he and I would, we would go to Tahoe. Yeah, I got a little drunk on New Year's Eve when I was with him at one point. He was who I spent my birthday with where I had that glass of wine. But yeah, I can count on maybe one hand the number of times that he and I drank together. It just wasn't a part of the routine. Um, and I've yeah, been pretty much sober ever since. So yeah, I think it's just the way it's worked out for me. I've never felt that societal societal pressure, nor have I felt like I needed to be more of myself or to fit in, but that's where, or to escape from some sort of uncomfortable emotion. Yeah, but I know that's not the case for everybody. So thank you for transparently sharing your journey. But, you know, it really is something that comes up for a lot of the women that I work with. You know, I see it just I see it in my own family, you know, with everything that's going on with my dad. Um, even though he's no longer living in the house, my mom's on her own. I think she's I not I think I know she still maintains that routine as a way to de-stress. So now it's no longer, oh, I'm coming home from work and I'm needing to shut off. It's I'm coming home from visiting my ailing husband and I need the wine too. And it just drives me fucking crazy because I'm like, here you are, your father passed away from Alzheimer's, your mother had multiple strokes, your husband now has dementia. And what is the most common risk factor for all of those? It's drinking. You've had multiple friends who have had cancer, and it's almost like I she's never said this, but and again, I try to give her grace because I understand how much stress that she's under, and maybe she doesn't have those other coping mechanisms at night, like she does during the day, exercising, going for walks, being with friends, but yeah, afterwards it's a little bit different. So I try to be compassionate. Um, but I'm like, do you just keep doing it because you're 76 years old and at that this point you haven't experienced the negative ramifications, you don't have a disease. But do you really want to take that risk?
SPEAKER_01It's hard. I mean, depending on why you're drinking, right? Like I definitely was drinking excessively because I was uncomfortable in my skin. I mean, that was certainly the underlying driver there. So in that case, like the antidote, because I think what we want to chat about is, you know, how do we handle um if you want to, let's say, kick the cutback on alcohol, then what are some of the coping mechanisms, right? And for me, it really like therapy was the coping mechanism. I needed to deal with why I was so uncomfortable in my skin and you know, all that that came with, and that just naturally provided the coping mechanisms because there was something different going on. Like it just it wasn't that like I had a drinking problem. It was no, no, you're uncomfortable with who you are. So that's a whole other set of issues that need to be addressed. Um, and so naturally, like the drinking just kind of was it was easy to let go of it because it wasn't a drinking problem so much as a like Andrea problem. Like I have a I have a problem with who I am, and so that needs to be addressed, but I think too beyond that, like just in talking to clients, because alcohol not every client, but at all like at all times I'm dealing with clients who are navigating how do you handle alcohol? And yeah, like it means things are gonna probably change because likely if you drink a lot, you have a lot of behaviors and habits around that, you probably have people around you, and it's just it's the norm, right? Like your life is just pushing you in that direction, so now you have to kind of make other choices. So now you're navigating friendships and relationships that are gonna shift if you decide to pull back on drinking. Um, you might have to deal with like what I did, like, why do I drink to excess so much? Or even even if it's not all the time, but like, you know, what is driving that excess? Um, and obviously, like I'm not a therapist, so I'm not there to help with that, but I can help, like, hey, let's ask some questions and dig. Um, but yeah, you end up having to navigate, like, okay, like, do I need therapy? Do I need just coping mechanisms? Do I need to figure out, okay, like, do I spend less time here or how do I navigate, right, with these relationships? So this is where like language is really helpful, like telling clients, hey, you're gonna have to tell your drinking group or buddies something. They're going to notice you're not drinking. So let's let's proactively talk about what we can say, you know, to just set the tone because you're in charge. It often feels like you're not, you know, you're at the whim of the group or whatnot. Um, and this is where you have to have some hard conversations. You also don't have to make it a big thing. You can really be like, oh yeah, I'm just not drinking tonight, or I'm not drinking right now, you know, like people will take cues from you, but it does take, I find, a bit of forethought. Okay, how am I gonna handle that? What are my pre-recorded responses? Because you're not gonna want to think about it in the moment, you know. And and I, you you can't you like talked about connection, like that is what I felt like I was losing. So I just had to find other ways to connect with people. Um, and that happened.
SPEAKER_00It is so socially acceptable, and we've gotten to the point where that is how the majority of people do connect with one another, whether it's at work functions or other social obligations when you are with family and friends. So it's just the societal norm. And also, I believe that it's how we can start some relationships. You know, drinking is what connected us in the first place. So if one party is no longer doing that, then it possibly damages the, I don't want to say damages the relationship, but it is going to make it look different. So now that might mean that you don't have as much in common. And so that can be uncomfortable. But it is very revealing. If you do decide that I am going to, let's even just say I'm gonna become sober curious, I am not committing to never drinking again, but I am going to reduce either the amount to which I drink at each opportunity or the amount of times that I drink. I'm gonna get more intentional with it and see how I feel. Um then, yeah, like it's gonna reveal, as you said, what in me am I trying to escape by numbing with alcohol? And it goes back to our episode with the the nervous system and the emotional eating. Like it's all one and the same. It's not necessarily about the food or the alcohol, it is like it's giving you something. So even like in you know, addiction recovery, they'll say, like, thank you to the addiction for saving my life or keeping me safe, because it was a way to escape from myself or to um, yeah, guard myself from something that felt very uncomfortable and basically unpolerable. So having that conversation with yourself and doing that inner reflective work, why do I do this? What am I trying to run from? That can be incredibly uncomfortable. So you have to give yourself grace, but then it's also gonna be revealing about the relationships in your life. So depending on how those people respond or react, then you're gonna have a really good answer as to what type of friendship is that? You know, are they do they have my best interest and well-being in mind, or are they kind of in it for themselves, so to speak? And yeah, all they care about is the relationship when it looked, when it was in a way that served them. And it's it's also revealing to that person. It holds up the mirror because oftentimes, and I always tell clients with this who are trying to remodel their relationship with alcohol, and they do have to have those difficult conversations with the people who they usually drink with and say, Yeah, I'm not drinking right now for whatever reason, you know, they're really worried about that pushback. And I say it's the whole crabs in the bucket mentality. So most people at this point know the dangers of alcohol. I think going back to when we started, and you know, I've been talking a lot about my family, I don't think that they understood at that point the risk factors. And so now that it is more um prevalent and we're having the conversation about it, and there are so many other, you know, ways that you can kind of still get that experience, whether it's mocktails or um one of my clients even told me about these things called like sober-ish. They're these THC drops, and they kind of kind of make you feel like you have a buzz. Um, but where was I even going with I like lost my train of thought? Um, but oh yeah, the craft with the bucket mentality. So it's like I think a lot of people know, oh, maybe I shouldn't be doing this, or maybe I even want to change, but I don't know how to do that. And so they are going to want to pull you back to their level because if you are making a change, then that's reflective of something within themselves that they probably don't want to have to look at.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it becomes a very nuanced, I guess, situation because you're it does impact your relationships and how you relate to people. And and I will say, you know, I drink very little now, but I do sometimes miss the atmosphere or like the connection that happens a lot faster, you know. Like, oh, let's um, like I you you've been to my town, it's a very small little town, very homey. Um, we have a couple bars. It's it's often sounds fun to be like, oh, let's go down to Lucky Baldwin's and just have a beer and sit outside, you know, they have outdoor seating, it's beautiful. Um, but I don't want the alcohol. Um, you know, so like I do miss the connection and like um the fun, I guess, but it can still be be had. And you know, I'm just at a point where it's just really I mean, just look, I had one glass of wine over dinner, and like I drank that over the course of like three hours. I had um soda water the rest of the time, and I still woke up with a raging headache. Now, part of it was that we stayed up late talking because um we never get the opportunity to to just chat. Um, so I know like going to bed late was part of that, but still it's just like clearly I'm not as resilient. So it's so much easier to be like, meh. Don't really want to drink. I actually will tell people I'm a tease because I will literally be like, oh, let's go get a drink tonight. And then it comes around. I'm like, no, I don't want to.
SPEAKER_00Well, this all plays into the perimenopause conversation. So maybe that's where we should end the conversation. Is our resiliency just decreases wet as we get older. And most that's because of our shifting hormones. So we are not as resilient. And also with the decline in progesterone and estrogen, that is going to make you more susceptible to things like histamine or some of the other components. I forget what the one it was that you thought you might be reactive to. Oh, sulfates. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, you are just going to be more reactive. And I think there's something else to do with like the loss of estrogen, and it does something to your blood volume. Um, so that makes you more susceptible to the hangovers and whatnot. So yeah, it's not, it's gonna make you feel worse when you drink. And then also, like, let's be honest, a lot of women they will use alcohol as a sedative and a way to they think sleep better. But really, what's happening is you are sedated, you are not getting good deep quality sleep.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it helps you fall asleep faster, but yeah, your quality of sleep. If you use anything like an aura ring like I do, you'll you can see like how poor your sleep is, even if you are, and I'm doing air quotes, sleeping more, you're not actually getting any, if very little, like deep restorative sleep.
SPEAKER_00And then you wake up the next day feeling anxious. Like I think a lot of times people believe that alcohol is a an upper because of how the majority do feel when they drink, like we were saying, oh, we're a good time. Yeah, I'm a whole lot of fun. Till the next day, till then, but yeah, but you know, on the other end, like it is a depressant, and so that's when you and so, especially if you are more prone to anxiety or depression, you really have to ask yourself, how is this serving me? And be honest, like, how do I feel after the fact? I might be having a great time in the moment, and and that can even become tricky because it's like an identity. Oh, I'm the fun one when we go out, right? Exactly. And so changing that dynamic can be really uncomfortable, but is it serving you? And then we know um, yeah, just the the risk factors from a health perspective. So it increases, I mean, it is a class one carcinogen, it increases the risk of multiple cancers, and then also Alzheimer's, other uh chronic illnesses or diseases as well. I think that was the like the real nail in the coffin for me is knowing my family history. We don't have knock on well, we don't have cancer in our family, but we have everything else. Um, and dementia, Alzheimer's, that scares the ever-loving shit out of me. And so, as does any disease, uh, but yeah, I'm just like I already have the card stacked against me from a genetic perspective. And it's like genetics loads the gun, but environment and behavior pull the trigger. So I will I'm willing to do whatever I can to mitigate that risk.
SPEAKER_01Have you heard the term anxiety? Uh I I feel like I have, but why don't you tell the listeners?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01So it's like a hangover, but anxiety. I mean, this is actually a documented thing that the next day you will feel more anxious, and a lot of that goes back to the alcohol consumption. So, like some of us, like for me, I was using that also, you know, obviously like as a social lubricant. I felt uncomfortable in my skin, and so that's anxiety. The next day, that's just worse. So even though like it, yeah, it was a great time, you know, having a drink, uh, it just made it worse on the back end. So that's part of it too. So yeah, I was definitely like trying to manage well, well, dang it, because that really helped me just be fun, and I was fun. Like, I mean, I think people really were like, you know, make sure she's here because she, you know, will really uh be a good time, but you know, and that's fun in the moment, and I enjoyed that, and like that extroverted part of me enjoyed that people liked how fun I was, uh, but on the back end, yeah. And I think as a lot of females deal with anxiety, like it's just making it worse. You know, you're you're not actually helping, you're band-aiding it for the the moment and then making it worse on the back end. So, you know, it's it's complicated, and I never tell clients, hey, you have to give it up. I don't think you need to, just like I didn't tell myself I'm gonna give it up forever. But I think there needs, especially as you age, like there needs to be more intention. You can't just be like your 20-year-old self that was like, sure, let's go on a bender, like it's not gonna end well. And I mean, it really you hit it on the nail there, like our resilience is so much lower. Like, you just you don't have the bandwidth and the room to be, you know, making a mess of things like that, you know. Um I have like had there's one client in particular, she came in and she was really honest, like, hey, I do drink a lot, like I know I need to work on that. I I told her, okay, that's not the first thing we're gonna attack. Okay, well, let's just like work on your fundamentals. We'll get there. And so we had been working together, I think three months at that point. And then January came and she was like, Hey, I'm gonna do a dry January. I'm like, if you want, you you can. I don't really love elimination stuff, but sometimes it's helpful. So if you want to, sure, let's do a dry January. Um, so she did, and of course, in that time, like her results started to really skyrocket, of course, because we pulled out this one piece. And so then like February came around. She's like, I think I'm gonna go another month. And I'm like, okay. I'm like, don't put hard rules on this, okay? Like, you're doing great, but don't make this an extreme. Just yes, let's let's ride this wave right now. But I also don't want you to become like a black and white type of scenario here. Um so now it's been a couple months, and eventually, I think something, it was like a wedding or something, and she pre-planned, I'm gonna have a drink, but I'm only gonna have one. And she did, and she was like, Oh my god, that was amazing that I was able to do that, right? And so, like, sometimes it just takes some time. Sometimes, even I, you know, again, I don't love elimination challenges, but sometimes they serve a purpose. And I think for her it coincided with we had her fundamentals in place, and now she just removed this one piece, and she's in her 60s, and it just like boom skyrocketed her, and she's kind of like, Yeah, I'm good now. Like, you know, yeah, every once in a while, but it has to be worth it. She had a drink, I think, at Easter. She wanted a glass of wine, but she's like, Yeah, and the rest of the time I was fine, you know.
SPEAKER_00And I'm like, amazing, great, you found your groove right with, but you gotta be intentional about it because yeah, I love the word intentionality for everything, but especially when it comes to alcohol. So deciding what celebrations, what circumstances are gonna be the most worth it, and then as you said, plan it ahead of time and put those guardrails in place. I'm only gonna have one, I'm only gonna have two. And then the other way that I like to frame it for clients is you probably know your tipping point. So for me at this point, it's one. If I have more than one drink, I'm gonna feel like shit. Maybe for some people it's two, so just do your best to not surpass that. I'm gonna say one thing that is gonna be hard for people to hear, and maybe this goes a little against your oh, let's not be extreme and just go cold turkey. I think that if you cannot go 30 days, 60 days without alcohol, if the thought of that alone makes you want to crawl out of your skin, you need to reevaluate your relationship with it and why you are using it.
SPEAKER_01I would agree, even though not saying you have to do it. Right. Yes. I like that thought process though. Like if it bothers you or you're just immediately like, ooh, no, I can't do that. There's something that you should get curious about there. Like something else is happening that you can't even imagine giving it up for let's say 30 days. And I've been there. Um, and then you come out the other side and you're like, oh, yeah, there's a lot more happening underneath the surface.
SPEAKER_00And then that at that point, it's like, okay, maybe I do need therapy. Maybe I do need just investigate the relationship that I have with myself and other people and this substance altogether. But you know, so many women in perimenopause, they want to blame their hormones, yet they're still drinking multiple times per week. I'm like, if there's anything that disrupts your hormones, your gut health, it is alcohol. So that is the low-hanging fruit. Whether you want to remove it completely or just reduce it greatly, that is gonna help more than anything. And then for those who are wanting to lose weight or help, even just maintain their weight. I mean, it is such an empty source of non-nutritive calories that do not fill you up, that do not lead to satiety. And then the other thing we know is it's going to reduce your inhibition. They don't call it the drunk munchies for nothing. Yes, like it drives up hunger and cravings, right? Like, and then and then also it just like has a downstream effect on everything. So not only is it going to drive up hunger and cravings, but it lowers inhibitions, and then you are going to be less likely or less able to not eat the things that are calorie dense. So it's like a double whammy. Now you're drinking the calories, but then you're also eating them, and then your sleep is gonna be disrupted. So what happens the next day, you're gonna be even hungrier. And yeah, your ability to make good choices is also gonna be um diminished.
SPEAKER_01Do you remember I gave you the analogy? I use this a lot. Um, a mile is a mile, but a mile on the treadmill is very different than a mile in the sand. Um, and I will use that often with quality food and calories. Like you can't refute calories. Calories at the end of the day are what drive you know weight loss, weight gain, weight maintenance. But what you fill your calories with will determine how easy, let's say, a deficit is or uh even maintaining. Um, you don't want to put yourself in a situation where things are harder. So, alcohol is one of those things, like you're you're just increasing friction. And I'm all about you need to have autonomy, you need to make that decision for yourself. I cannot make it for you. Obviously, the ideal is no alcohol. I mean, that makes it the easiest, right? But I also understand there's connection, there's family, there's just, you know, there's a lot of reasons why we drink. And you know, granted, I've already admitted sometimes I miss it because it was fun. And I do love the you know atmosphere that it creates, but you are creating friction for yourself, and especially if you're someone who's unhappy with your physique or your weight, like it's just creating you're you're putting yourself in the sand to run that mile. Um, that's why, like in this case, this one client, I know once we removed alcohol, it was like she was sprinting all of a sudden because we removed a lot of what was it just makes it harder on so many levels. It's not that it's not that it stops fat loss, it's that it just makes it so much harder.
SPEAKER_00I mean, but I mean technically it kind of does because it is a toxin, and so your body is going to want to metabolize that before it's gonna pre um use it as a fuel. Yeah, um, what's the word? It starts with the P like it's like preferentially, preferentially, yes. Um, it's going to metabolize the alcohol before it does the other calories. So yeah, like but if you're in a deficit, it it can still work, right?
SPEAKER_01But yeah, yeah, but it's just harder to be in that deficit when you're drinking, you know.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, absolutely. So, and then the other thing to consider is you know, we hear all these buzzwords, especially with women in perimenopause, bloating, inflamed, puffy. Well, alcohol is going to, you know, lead to that as well. And then also, you know, we're spending a lot of money on the uh the pills and the potions and the the Botox to you know like help our skin, it's one of the worst things you can do for the quality of your skin as well. Like if you want to age faster, keep drinking for sure, yes. So from an aesthetic standpoint as well. Yes.
SPEAKER_01I yeah, I think I just like at a point where it's like, I know I feel like shit the next day. If I'm supposed to train, that's gonna be harder if if I even do it or follow through with it. And if I do, it means my intensity is probably not gonna be there. So now we have an average, let's say, or even kind of worthless, not worthless, because I think all movement's still good, but you know, not as productive. Um, sleep is gonna be poor, you know, possibly just feeling more anxious, more cravings. I'm gonna have to deal with a scale that probably bumped up or just feeling bloated. Like I just when I look at all that, I'm like, I like feeling good.
SPEAKER_00It isn't really worth it. And so that's why I think the experimentation of, yeah, maybe I try to go a certain amount of time and just see how I feel. So experiment with that sober curiosity and and just go into it, you know, not from a place of judgment, but yeah, of curiosity. And I'm just gonna see how this makes me feel.
SPEAKER_01I love that word experiment. I often will use that with clients, like, hey, let's just do a little experiment. Let's take the next two weeks to do XYZ because it just takes the pressure off of it being like, oh, we're gonna change this, we're never doing this again. And it means we can alter it, we can adjust, right? And you know, you can be more of like a scientist. Like, let's just see how we feel and you know, gather some data.
SPEAKER_00That's all we're doing, you know, very neutral, like neutral, yes, go into it with neutrality and yeah, just along the way assess how you're feeling. And I think you will be pleasantly surprised that you feel a hell of a lot better. Um, and then from there, you get to decide what is my relationship going to look like with it moving forward, and what is my relationship with other people gonna look like moving forward.
SPEAKER_01I I will say, you know, this this might sound a little controversial. I think you'll agree with me, but I think honestly, in working with 40 plus women now for a while, that the one thing now, not all women drink, um, but the ones that I have worked with that drink, you know, I'm gonna go with more than like five drinks a week. That is the the major thing holding them back. It just really kind of just bleeds too much into everything the sleep, the hunger, the cravings, the like energy, the you know, just blase, the fatigue. It's like the one thing if I had to pinpoint if you would just do some experimentation with you know what does it feel like to not have that and see how your body responds? It's it's a lot of times the thing holding people 40 plus women, I should say, back.
SPEAKER_00Neither of us are parents, but it's like, how does it affect your relationship with your kids? You know, does it make you more moody or irritable? Like, do you want your kids to see you like that? It's wild to me. And I'm not trying to come from a place of judgment, I'm just observing here.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So every Halloween now for the past, I don't know, I'd say like seven, eight years, my the court that my parents live on, they have a little party. Usually it's at my parents' house, and they'll put out the candy and appetizers, but also a whole bar of wine for the parents. And it's like, oh, isn't that nice? But over the years I've noticed like the parents are coming with already, like already drinking. So they're, you know, walking around with their yetis, and it's like, oh, there ain't coffee and that yeti. I know. Right. So yeah, it's just like this is how we have to get through just parenting our children. You know, there's like the whole mommy wine culture and whatnot. And we won't even get into that. It's a very, it's a very slippery slope, but it is.
SPEAKER_01I mean, and it it opens the door to like why is that the go-to for most parents, or just let's just say, you know, midlife adults. Why are we so stressed and so such low bandwidth that alcohol is just the norm that this is what we offer, right? Like, oh, I can't wait till Friday, let's, you know, let's grab a drink, you know. Like, I think we need to question why are we even in that situation where we're so stressed that the only way that we can collectively relax is a toxin? Something else is wrong.
SPEAKER_00I mean, that's the irony. The reason is because we, especially as women, um, and I think in today's society, you know, it's more common for women to be working and to be, you know, very like driven and ambitious and kind of moving up the ranks in their career, and then you know, also being moms and you know, running the household. So there's so much more pressure and more on their plate, and they're not taking the time to rest, to give themselves that margin during the day to eat a nourishing meal, to go on a walk, to get their exercise in, um, to connect with other people in their life, you know, in a way that is fulfilling, but not uh connected to alcohol. And so, yeah, what happens when Friday afternoon rolls around and the weekend is here? That's the only no, or that's the only way they know how to shut off. So, yeah, it's just this vicious cycle of we're not giving our putting too much pressure on ourselves to achieve, to do all the things during the week. We are we're staying up late drinking or scrolling, and then we feel like shit the next day, and then it just bleeds into the weekend, and now it's like, oh, this is the only way that I know how to shut off is the drinking.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's all trade-offs. Yeah, you know, it all it all comes down to what are you like you're not gonna get away from trade-offs. I mean, it's always gonna be either this or that, you know. You can keep your alcohol, but obviously you get also what comes along with that, or you can work on your, you know, how you relate with alcohol, but that's gonna have consequences too. Like, I don't think we're gonna get away from the discomfort of any of that. Um, you know, it's just it's always a trade-off. Uh, in all situations, you are making trade-offs this for that.
SPEAKER_00So yeah, I mean, I think it's a good trade-off. I I know you would think so as well, but we understand that our journey is not everyone else's. So just sharing our experience and giving you some things to reflect on. And then I think we can wrap it up just going back to our episode a couple of weeks ago, and even I think last week's episode about the trigger foods. What else can you do to replace that? So it is going to be uncomfortable. We're not telling you, you know, just come home and sit on your hands and white knuckle your way through it. But can you create some sort of routine? Like I know for me, when I this is so funny, um I was just terrified of diet soda for years. And but but I was still drinking. And my brother, my brother, he's 16 years older, he used to never drink, but he would watch me drink soda, he would call it the poison. And now he's like, Oh, isn't that funny that you've started to drink? And he loves making craft cocktails and all of that. But yeah, he'll still say, Oh, there you are drinking the poison again. I'm like, Well, actually, you're drinking the literal poison. Um, so but yeah, where I was going with that is when I was trying to break up with diet soda, because I was a three Coke a day drinker for a long time. Full Coke or diet? Diet. Um, yeah. I I switched to sparkly mineral water or Xevia. So I was still getting the experience and the taste, but without you know, the chemicals that I was trying to avoid. Oh, thank God I got over that. All right. And am I saying, especially when it comes to alcohol? Like we're not comparing apples to apples here. So yeah, I mean, a a diet drink or a sparkling water, maybe you pour it in a wine glass, a mocktail, it's not going to give you the same buzz, but over time it will get easier. So if you can find something in the meantime to still be in that routine, then that can just lessen the blow, so to speak.
SPEAKER_01For sure. And I think ultimately, as women, understanding like self-care looks like a lot of different things. And I think I did a post a couple years ago now, and I was like, let's be honest, like that glass of wine at the end of the night is not self-care. No, it it's not. I mean, I know it feels like it and it's it's meeting a need in that moment, but it's not self-care. Self-care is doing what you know you need, despite you know, how you might feel about it. And so I encourage, you know, women, what does actual self-care look like? Obviously, you're soothing, you know. I mean, and let's just separate the fact that, like, yes, some people still can socially drink and they're not soothing. It's just like like what I did with my sister, the one glass of wine, it was like, Okay, this is a fun night out. It felt like we were at a really cute little restaurant, like, yeah, I want a glass of wine. Um, different than what I did in my twenties, you know, where I was like socially trying to like just feel comfortable. So um yeah, that like you might have to do a little digging. Like, why are we doing that? Right. And what is what do we really need at the end of the day? Like, I needed therapy. And thank God I had the resources and had the ability to do that. Um, that's what it required for me because I was not socially drinking, I was certainly hiding. Um, so yeah, I mean, self-care might not feel like self-care or self-love, right? But um what would you do for a loved one? You know, that's an another way you can like would you encourage your loved one to keep drinking under high stress and just like can't handle life? Probably not.
SPEAKER_00Probably not, no. Yeah, and it might not be therapy for everybody, but is it having the hard conversation? Is it saying no and creating boundaries? Is it taking things off of your plate so that you do have more time for yourself so that you aren't as overwhelmed and uh stressed out all the time? Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01It's tough. I and I hope none of this came out as um judgmental. I like I don't care if you drink or not, I just care that you're doing it intentionally and that it's it it lines up with your values. That's all I ever want for people is to be in alignment, and a lot of times they're not, and that's where the the rub always happens, right? So, like, you know, and if it's your value to like drink a little too much sometimes, okay, hey, just be safe. Please don't hurt anybody, right? Like, I am not here to be morality police or say you gotta do this or that, go in therapy, not at all. Like, I just want people eyes wide open. What is it that like you're really getting out of this? Does that really line up with what you want? And you know, that that's you it is your life, and at the end of the day, you gotta be happy with it, you gotta be okay with your and I I just want women to have the the best quality of life and the greatest chance of like well-being as possible.
SPEAKER_00So a hundred percent. So yeah, that's that's what I gotta say about that. So yeah, no judgment, you just want what's best for you, and we hope that this leaves you with some questions to get introspective about, and you can go from there. Yeah, and we're here if you want to talk about it.
SPEAKER_01Yes, and now my vice of choice is coffee. I just I love caffeine.
SPEAKER_00Oh man, I I was house sitting this weekend, and I think I had three of their Nespresso pods this morning. Granted, the one, and I was like Googling how much caffeine is and it's anywhere like some of them have 130 plus milligrams in one pod. I'm like, are you in like the double? There's like doubles as well. So I had one regular pod because I have brought back caffeine in minimal amounts. Usually I drink decaf coffee, and then I had a decaf, and then I had a half calf. Oh, so yeah, that that is my vice. Yeah, coffee, energy drinks. I mean, if you want to say diet soda, I guess that too, but there could be worse things. So I'm feeling okay. Yes.
SPEAKER_01So there you go. We're not we're not perfect. Uh I'm still mainlining. I don't mainline, I have one 16-ounce coffee every day. But what do I want more? Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00But I could drink it all day long. I could literally drink it all day long. It's so good. It's the taste and the ritual, so I'm the caffeine. I just like how it tastes. Yes.
SPEAKER_01I wish like I'm very sensitive to caffeine, which is why I have to like cut myself off at noon. I wish I could even do decaf later in the day, but even that'll keep me up. So really oh because there's still a little bit of caffeine in there, which is why I drink side milligrams. Right? What's that? Side milligrams. I don't even know how much, maybe. Yeah, uh, I just know like it's still there and it like definitely still impacts me. This is why I drink at night caffeine-free diet coke.
SPEAKER_00Ah, I need to find that.
SPEAKER_01It's hard to find sometimes.
SPEAKER_00It is hard to find, and not that I really drink um soda at night, anyways, like unless I go out to dinner, but okay, that's that's good to know.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00All right.
SPEAKER_01Well, this was a good one. It was. I hope that was helpful for people. Just hear our thoughts.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01All right, we'll talk to you soon. Alrighty. Bye. Bye.