Unc Talk Podcast
“Empowering Uncles and Inspiring Nephews” This is real talk for uncles and providing the roadmap for the nephews.
Unc Talk Podcast
Ep 5 The Birds and the Bees Talk
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Chapters
00:00 The Disconnect in Connection
00:31 The Beautiful Mouse Theory
03:21 The Role of Legacy in Society
06:31 Navigating Modern Relationships
09:29 The Birds and the Bees Talk
18:17 The Impact of Relationships on Growth
22:50 Navigating Relationships and Respect
25:01 Modeling Behavior for Future Generations
27:47 Conversations Around Maturation and Expectations
29:42 Discussing Sexuality with Children
36:06 The Impact of Media on Young Minds
43:47 Addressing Illicit Content and Its Consequences
46:07 Navigating Relationships with Children
49:18 The Impact of Sibling Dynamics
51:05 Parental Influence on Relationship Choices
54:17 Learning from Parental Relationships
58:08 Sowing Seeds for Future Relationships
01:08:16 NEWCHAPTER
Summary
This conversation explores the complexities of modern connectivity, societal roles, and the challenges of parenting in today's world. The speakers discuss the disconnect felt in a hyper-connected society, the implications of the Beautiful Mouse Theory on societal behavior, and the importance of legacy and role models. They delve into the difficulties of navigating relationships for youth, the significance of open communication about love and sexuality, and the need for parents to model appropriate behavior. The discussion highlights the evolving dynamics of relationships and the critical role of emotional intelligence in raising the next generation. In this conversation, the speakers delve into the complexities of parenting, particularly in discussing sensitive topics such as sexuality and relationships with children. They explore the importance of control in personal success, the challenges of navigating conversations about acceptance and media influence, and the role of siblings in shaping social interactions. The discussion also touches on the impact of parental relationships on children's future partnerships and the significance of sowing good seeds in relationships to foster healthy dynamics.
Takeaways
We are more connected than ever, yet feel disconnected.
Kindness is often met with skepticism in today's society.
The Beautiful Mouse Theory illustrates societal roles and behaviors.
Legacy and role models are crucial for societal growth.
Navigating relationships has become increasingly complex for youth.
Parents face unique challenges in discussing relationships with their children.
Understanding young relationships requires empathy and communication.
Modeling behavior is essential for teaching children about relationships.
The impact of societal changes on youth interactions is significant.
Parenting today involves balancing respect for rules and emotional growth. The success of a man relies on his ability to control his thoughts and actions.
Conversations about sexuality should be approached with openness and acceptance.
Children's understanding of relationships is shaped by their parents' beliefs and teachings.
Media influences can complicate children's perceptions of relationships and sexuality.
Teaching children about boundaries is crucial for their development.
Siblings play a significant role in shaping social skills and understanding of relationships.
Parental relationships significantly impact how children approach their own partnerships.
It's important to sow good seeds in relationships for future success.
Children absorb stress from their parents, affecting their behavior.
Understanding and discussing personal experiences can help guide children's understanding of relationships.
Questions, Comments, Just Say Hi
Uncle@unctalkpod.com
At the 2020 census, like when that 2020 census came out.
SPEAKER_02And it showed the numbers? Yeah, showed the numbers. It was panic. Wait a minute now. Yeah, we can't lose control now.
SPEAKER_00Trajectory. Trajectory was shifted.
SPEAKER_02And so you get a lot of that, man. I I I think that there's a lot of um disconnectivity between us. It's so crazy. You know, we've talked about this before, right? We're the most connected we've ever been, but we are the most disjointed we've ever been. It's insane to me right now. I I don't like that my kindness that I exude isn't met with kindness. It's met with skepticism sometimes. It's met with, is there an ulterior motive for this guy saying hello to me?
SPEAKER_00Like, no.
SPEAKER_02We locked eyes and so angle. Yeah, it's like, no, I'm just friendly. I know that's maybe. I don't like that people aren't used to friendly right now. Yeah. You know? People are definitely not used to friendly. People seem very much afraid and timid that something's gonna happen all the time.
SPEAKER_00So Jerry Jermaine, you're about to interject. What did you have to interject?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. No, no, no. I was looking at, I was like, man, you you hitting a nerve right now because I was just looking at some some stuff about something I stumbled on in the on the YouTubes or whatever. But it was this experiment that was done in the 60s. It was called like uh the beautiful mouse theory or something like that. Uh bro, no no no. Listen, it was basically I'll give you the premise of the I'm gonna give you the premise of the experiment. Basically, the experiment took four female mice and four male mice and put them in this enclosed capsule, like box, right? It's a huge box. And it basically gave unlimited resources, unlimited resources in the box, right? And so four mice, four male mice, four female mice, of course they start appropriating, right? They start appropriating. So it's basically testing the premise of what happens when you put beans in a b abundantly rich society, right? Within a closed system, right? With unlimited resources. They said after about like a hundred and after about 160 days, like society was doing, you you know, you found like cultures and dialects and different you know, the mice started behaviors and whatnot shifting off into their own cliques, basically. And then they you know, they're they reached like this peak where there was like perfect efficiency between like the roles of mice and the number of mice.
SPEAKER_04Okay.
SPEAKER_03And from that from that point on, there was always this externality of extra mice who just didn't have any resource. Didn't they had resources, they could eat and whatever, but they didn't have a role in the society.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03Or they didn't have a space in society where they could just where they were uh a productive part of the society. So that started happening. And so the population of what they what they called like uh externality mice, right? They gave them different names because they also segmented differently based on gender. So the male mice, okay, the male mice became what they called beautiful mice, all they did was eat and preen themselves, like make themselves beautiful all day.
SPEAKER_01We call those life.
SPEAKER_03They weren't worried about mating, they weren't worried about anything, and all they did was just groom themselves and eat and stay in their own little section, right? And then the female mice that became in this externality, they became like hyper aggressive and super isolated. Right? Then it's very interesting, right? It's interesting. Then what happened is as this as the ex the population of like mice without roles grew and grew and grew, the the the mice that were dominant in sort of the patriarchal, traditional patriarchal system, right? They they were leaders of the of a certain sect became like hyper-aggressive as they became more and more entrenched in a space. To the point where now I I had I got the Gemini in summary here, but I'll I and I'll put it, we can maybe discuss it a little later another time, but basically, to the point where uh the end of the story is that the the population died out, the whole mouse population died out, right? Because what happened is even when the population got to equilibrium where there was enough roles for enough mice, and that was equal, the population of mice forgot how to be mice because they there was this extra the externality had gotten so huge of mice without roles that those were there was a larger segment of those people who didn't have roles who didn't know. There was no legacy to teach the mice. There was no legacy to teach the mice. There was no unc mice. The uncles were gone. They they had been bred out, right? And so to the point where the mice didn't know how to mate, they didn't know how to build culture, they didn't know how to connect with each other.
SPEAKER_02That's crazy.
SPEAKER_03And I was like, when I saw that when I saw that that that experiment and and let me actually go back a little bit. The one interesting thing was Um the that the society is became that they saw that um at the peak of it, a little bit past the peak, what happened was the mice were too hyper-socialized, meaning they were too there was too much interaction. They couldn't go anywhere without being without a mice. I see what you're saying.
SPEAKER_01Okay, there was no time to yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's themselves or whatever.
SPEAKER_03So that they were they were saying that that may have been one cause of the beautiful mice because they were just in their own little corner. That was their alone time, basically, and that's all they wanted to do. Um, you know, self-serving, right?
SPEAKER_02Weird type of self-service. Exactly. Yeah, I was just about to say a weird type of self-service there, yeah.
SPEAKER_03I mean, I mean, you get that now, right? With the the self-serving of the men, right? Not wanting to mate. That's and forgetting the art of mating. And forgetting now, again, it's not a perfect extrapolation, but it is careful how we correlate this, right? Right. I'm not saying society's doomed. I'm not saying society's doomed. But I'm but I well, but I am saying, I am saying that it shows the importance of not forgetting the institutions and the legacies that we've been given and passing them on to the next generation. Because if you don't, men forget how to be men. Women forget how to be women. Yeah. Children how to forget how to be children.
SPEAKER_02What's the scaffolding?
SPEAKER_03You're hanging all of the girls forget to be forget how to be girls, boys forget how to be boys, and then everybody's just confused as to like what we should do. And then things col things start to degrade. I mean, we already see that now. What we already in a population decline with most cultures, most industrial cultures.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. I know um I want to say it's China's in a it might be Japan actually is in a bad way right now.
SPEAKER_03All of them. China, Japan, Korea.
SPEAKER_02It's uh all of Europe. It's it's one of those things was was coming, and we all knew it was c I say we all, but you know, um the powers that beat, we all knew it was coming, but we did absolutely zero things to I don't know, but but that's but you if you think about it, 15 years ago, we were talking about people.
SPEAKER_03The dominant narrative of people was population overpopulation. Actually, it was overpopulation. Yeah, you're right, though. There's overpopulation. You're right. And now we're getting to a point now where we're looking and we're like, oh shoot. Yeah, it ain't overpopulation. It's all right, we need to start making some babies out here, you know?
SPEAKER_02Well, okay, and that's that's part of something that I see uh uh I mean not say it's a narrative I see pushed, but I do think that there's a type of celibacy that is endorsed by society right now. Um it's been happening for a while, I think. But I think it's to our detriment. I think after because see, you know, there's like the baby with the bathwater, right, type type situations. Because when Me Too happened, right? Very important to get the you know, eye for an eye, you scratch my back, I scratch the quit pro crow. Okay, you want to get that out of the entertainment, excuse me, industry. I I agree. It's that's not fair. The other side of that for me is that nobody is forcing an Uma thermadherman to want to be a movie star and agree to, oh, I can do this act I don't I'm uncomfortable with to get into this movie. Nobody's forcing you to do that, okay? If you want that sort of behavior to stop, you gotta say no. You can't reward it with your mouth or your whatever the favor was, right? You can't reward that behavior with that and then be mad that it happened because you were uncomfortable for the fact that it happened. When that sort of stuff needed to get worked out, I agree with that. But what happened, I think, on the backside of that was now any form of flirting, bad. Any form of pursuing, bad. Any form of, hey, I like you, let me show you how much I like you, try to court you, bad. And when that got turned off, I think dudes were like, well, how how I talk to this girl, how I spit game, how do I interact with her in a way that doesn't make me seem like a creep? And for a while I think that there was no inner every single microaggressive, every he winked at me and that, and so whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Would you I think it got a little overboard. Now I think some of that has receded because it's been a little while, but I think it's gonna take a little time to recover because in that interim, you know, my son is trying to figure out, well, I like a chick, but I mean, what I mean, even uh, do you like me yes or no? You remember, remember how we even that is no, no, no, it's too much. It's too much. They can't, they can't hold hands, they can't high five, they can't hug. It's like, okay, well, I don't know how they're supposed to learn then about themselves, about how they interact with people, about rejection, about how do you learn all of that when you can't do any of it until you're like in college or something crazy like that? Could you imagine?
SPEAKER_03Let me let me twist let me twist it back to you a little bit. So, with that, how do you talk about the birds and the bees? Because I mean, now I'm gonna frame this question because I want and I want I want you to answer, because we just we just had it, we had our discussion off the mic last week with my son you know, with his shenanigans. Like, what what are you doing and I want both of you to answer, um you know, you and Jared. But how you both have boys and girls. How are you how are you or how will you or how do you think about framing the discussion of the birds and the bees for the boys and girls? And is it different for the boys and girls?
SPEAKER_02Uh it better be. I'm gonna let Jared answer because I'm gonna tell you the real talk is like I'll give you my perspective on the boys. I'm scared as hell for my little girls, and I will defer to Jared. I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna call him up. I'm gonna say, what did you tell Princess Ray? Because I, you know, we talk as if it's just me. I know my wife needs to play a big role into that. All right, but I am so, yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna be there, but I'm I'm very afraid of how that's gonna be because in my eyes, the talk is a very different talk because I think the the worry for each one of them is different as far as what I'm afraid of with uh an inappropriate sexual um immaturity, right? Like if there is that, the the consequences for her are very different than the consequences for him. So I definitely think that needs to be different. Now I said I wasn't gonna talk, so let me shut up. You're good, go ahead.
SPEAKER_04No, you're good.
SPEAKER_00You're good. Got it, woke me up. If you're already in a flow, go.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, so so with my oldest, because I haven't talked, you know, I've got a I've got a 10-year-old, he'll be 10 in a few months, 13-year-old, uh, my boys, right? So the 13-year-old who's got him a little girlfriend now, okay, which also is different than I remember. They're a little girl now. Bro, I if I could be honest, yeah, yeah. I was surprised by that. Uh I was surprised by it because the times that we have kind of talked about that sort of stuff, he's been a little a bit standoffish, and oh, I don't really, and I'm kind of like, you know, I I didn't know if it was because, oh yeah, you know, he's young or society or schools don't allow, or maybe he don't even like girls like that. Maybe I'm assuming too much, you know. I know, you know what I'm saying? And so I had that discussion with him first before we even talked about sex or anything like that. I just talked to him about who you like, why you like the people that you like. You know, how do you, is there any romantic because I that's what I want to get out the way first, because I'm like, well, from what I hear, if you have a different way of thinking when it comes to if you're gay, okay, let's let's just cut all the silly talk out. I know the stress that must bring, uh, especially if you're hiding it, right? Especially if you want to express yourself. And then, especially when you're being told by everybody that loves you that you can be you, you can, you know, be what you want to be, like who you want to like. But in real life, we know kids is fucking monsters. We know society are monsters. We know that that sort of abnormal, to most people's eyes, behavior gets made fun of. So with him already being of mixed race, you know, he's Korean and black, with him already, he's you know, he wears his afro, with him being a man, there's already gonna be things that he's gonna stressors that he's gonna have to deal with. So I said, well, let's nip this in the bud, buddy. Let's, let's, let's take away all, let's not take away all the stressors, let's teach you how to tackle all the stresses. So actually, our birds and bees talk started with what he even likes, you know? And it was actually a good icebreaker. But, well, you know, I'm I'm, you know, I didn't be like, hey, so are you gay? So you know, it was a, you know, I tried to, you know, make it, you know, comical and asking, you know, well, I don't know, man, you might like ducks and robots. I don't know what you, you know, and then we kind of, but it it helped break the uncomfortableness of like, I don't want to have this conversation with my dad, you know? Because like I'm gonna be honest, so I've never had that conversation. My mom or my dad, okay? Um, I I brought a girl around who looked like a hoe, and my dad kind of gave me, hey, don't, you know, and that was just kind of it. All right. That just that was it. Like, you know better, son. None of your brothers got kids. And I said, Yes, sir. And I, you know, and so, you know, and it kind of came from them, right? You know, I have four older brothers, so I'm the baby of the family. So there was a lot of uh what you was doing with your, you know, there's a lot of like that sort of shit. There's a lot of sneaking outside when they're out there talking to their girls and shit when I'm fucking eight. So there's a lot of uh natural learning that happens. I say natural because it was par for the course kind of for people in my age group, you know, finding the magazines under generation. What do you think about it? Yeah, you know, things like that. Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, what was that B after dark? I think it was B E T after Dark.
SPEAKER_02Uncut, man. I'm I just dude, Black Jesus had this. Anyway, boy, some of those wild videos, dude. This one dude was in a he was a preacher at a church drill, okay? And the girls was coming into the church, he would take his hand, swipe down, and all right, come on in. Like, yo, like what are we doing right now? What is this song even about? Anyway, but but but uh they don't have those. Uh they have something much, much, much worse called the fucking internet. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so while, again, I have Blacktail magazine and BET Uncut, these dudes are watching eight dudes blow the back out of a. It's like yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. So his interpretation of what relationships are, what sex is, all of that is built from something I think is artificial. And without him being able to kind of express, because like, you know, at school, like I said, okay, he's got a girlfriend, what does that mean? That they said they go out. They can't kiss each other, they can't hold hands, they can't be affectionate at all. They gotta write each other notes and say, hey, even though I can't show it, I mean the world to me. Or I mean, I guess. So I'm like, hey, y'all wanna you wanna go to the movies, man? You want me to, you know, blah, blah. Can I meet, you know, her parents? Because she's they're in a band together. So I'm like, hey, the next event, you know, can I meet their parents? And it's like, well, and this is now y'all got to help me with this. I know this is supposed to be a birds and a bees talk.
SPEAKER_03No, no, keep going.
SPEAKER_02We'll get there. Probably not supposed to have a boyfriend, okay? And now I have the responsibility of a father of a daughter to understand that rule that's in place there, respect that rule that's in place there, and I have not had a conversation with him about if this is a bad thing or a good thing for him to be doing. And I am preach on it.
SPEAKER_03Come on.
SPEAKER_02Conflicted. Let me let me go. Because I've been there, okay. I would argue that none of those girls I dated should ever have had boyfriends in those formative years, okay? On the other side, I think it's very important for all of those ladies to have had those relationships with me during those formative years. I think that we both learned a lot about ourselves. All the women that I was, not that it was a I was a baller, but you know what I'm trying to say. Those relationships molded how I do or don't treat my current wife now, okay? All of that mattered. And so I'm conflicted of, because I do think this is necessary. Like I tell I tell seven time, like, man, this doesn't need the hair of get his heart broke, man. I'm ready to deal with that more than I am ready to deal with anything. Because that was one of the biggest drivers for the why do we fall down, Master Bruce, to get us to learn to pick ourselves back up, man. Getting my heart broke. That was the that was the first time I felt like low, low. Like I ain't gonna get past this. Oh, yes, you can. That is uh that was a big accomplishment for me to let myself know that it ain't always all bad. These these feelings are temporary, these this situation is temporary. But it was such a hard, you know, you know how it feels, guys. It's very hard. And it's one of those things that comes from outside, too. You know, you choose a chick that you like, she ain't got nothing to do with your family. Y'all didn't meet, but you know, this was all you. And how I felt the first time it happened was like, oh, I I messed up. I I initiated this relationship, I tried to cultivate it, blah, blah. It didn't work out, and I I messed up. What was wrong with me? There was a lot of self-reflection, not always good self-reflection that came from it. But anyway, my point is that was very formative for me. And so I'm conflicted on how to handle this because I do feel that respecting, if that is the case, right? Respecting that does give me a couple of different things that I can speak on with them about respecting the integrity of the relationship, respecting the parents of the person that you're dating, bro. Like you can't, you can't uh you can't disrespect that. And the the difficulty is I know that I have to be the bad guy, which I claim I don't mind to do, for something that he's not doing that necessarily wrong in the way that like punching a kid is wrong or lying and stealing is wrong. You know, it's a it is wrong, it's just it's a different type of wrong, but it's a type of wrong he needs to know he can't do.
SPEAKER_03And it's it's not wrong, it's just disrespectful.
SPEAKER_02Disrespect, right, right, right. It it and that's a slippery slope, right? Yeah, that's that's and so trying to come up with a way to be like, all right, I'm gonna give him this time, I want to kind of see what this is, but I know that like in a in the back of my head, I'm like, what would I do if the roles are reversed and I told her not to blah, and then I check her phone, and there's, you know, you know, uh, good night, baby, or whatever silly shit, you know, because they're not, they're not like explicit and all crazy like that. She's a nice girl and everything. And it's um, I'm in a bit of a bind because I have to play the role of a bad guy here. Not even a bad guy, but I have to give him something he's not gonna want to hear. And those conversations, let me tell you why they're difficult. Because he understands, but he's hurt. Like he doesn't be like, oh. He'll be like, yeah, dad, I get it. And he'll start talking to me, and then he'll just start crying as he's talking, but he's just trying to stay strong. And I just I I he he's very strong in these situations, but he's very hurt as well. And I see it. And if you know it that sucks. It sucks when you have to do that, man. I I almost wish he was more dramatic with it. Um I don't know why. I just I w because I feel like he's holding in the pain, and I don't like that. He says he's not doing that, but I can clearly see this, motherfucker. You know, I can see, but in his eyes, he's like, well, what's the point of complaining about it? What's the point of like talking about it after if it has to happen? That's like his logic on it. And I said, well, maybe if you need to express something about it, he's like, well, no, I just, I mean, what I'm expressing is my sadness over what happened. It's already known. Like he's logical in that way. And so it's like, all right, you're still 13, though, dude. I know. You know what I mean? Like everything your kids are are on top of them also being, you know, a 10-year-old or a nine-year-old or a six-year-old.
SPEAKER_00And that's why you can't like that, that's why you can't really overthink it. Uh Right. I intend to do that. Yeah, you can't overthink it because there's, you know, there's intentions, there's consequences, intended and unintended. And I think you approached it from the way that is the most mature way to approach it to ensure that he grows. Because, you know, what you mentioned in that situation was it was the girl's dad that had an issue with or that might have an issue with her being with your son. And so what you have to tell your son is, you know, her dad, the relationship between her dad is just as important as the relationship between me and you, son. And I can't violate that relationship between another dad and their kid, just like I wouldn't, you wouldn't, or no one would want that to happen to us, just like Jermaine said. You would you kind of wouldn't want uh the the shoe to be on the other foot, like you said you mentioned. And then the other consequences are um the precedence that you set in the house, which is also most important. Um, because like you said, when your daughters come of age, you're like, oh, well, that's a time you let Max, da-da-da-da-da. Um and it it comes back, you know, a decade and a half later, in in worse, in a worse way. And so kids are watching. Um, and then tertiary, like the impact to Max, like you said, is a necessary growth. It's that um, or are we talking about how young boys need these um kinglionitis moments where you've got to go and learn, go through the pain, go through the hurt, just like with anything else and most other things, especially those things of importance, like understanding relationships and especially with the opposite sex, how that works. So there's that that he's gotta go through. Even when it comes to, like you mentioned, he's hurt by this relationship. But you're like, well, what is what is what is the what is the even the relationship? Y'all walk each other to class, you know, like you said, oh, sit next to each other at lunch. That's what relationships were like in sixth grade or how old is Max.
SPEAKER_02I'm right. You're right. Yeah, he's in seventh, he's 13.
SPEAKER_00Seventh grade. Yeah, you walk each other to class, which is like five minutes in between classes you have. You eat at you eat with each other at lunch. If you're in the same gym class, maybe you hang out then, or but you there aren't that many options or other than the movies in the mall.
SPEAKER_02And so what's a mall?
SPEAKER_00What yeah, I know, right? What's happening, um, especially at those formative years, is different for both people, is different based on, like you said, the example that you and uh Sonny are setting for Max, the example that her parents are setting. So they're coming at it from that aspect too. You can't do anything about that, but focus on just the principles part of it. Like, okay, make sure you're being respectful, make sure you're not doing anything that causes her to be disrespectful of her parents, which would be the wrong part, especially if Max is aware of it. And so he has to see that. Okay, I don't want to put you in a situation where you're not respecting your parents or not respecting yourself or not respecting, you know, us in this relationship, so on and so forth. So those are the things that are gonna help Max here and going forward. Because, you know, like he's gonna forget about this and he's gonna move on, and you know, he might like cross her picture out in the yearbook or something like that. You know, he used to do that, like X somebody's face at you and like in the yearbook. But um no, I think through these types of things, there's no way to it would be detrimental to Max to try to protect him because you don't know all the ways in which he needs to be protected. Exactly. Some things, yes, it's obvious. Um, you don't want him to be abused, you know, verbally if the girl's verbally abusing him or you know, stuff like that. But um those things, focus on those things that are gonna carry him forward through the rest of his relationships that he goes through, regardless of who they're with or if they're good, bad, or indifferent. Um, but those main things that you know he's going to need to pass down to his son or daughter.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that's true too. Yeah. So how are you doing that with your your little ones? You know, because you have you got you got the older girl now. You get to do the girl first in this regard. And I know, and I know y'all it's a little different because you do you do the homeschool thing. Yeah. So it's a little different.
SPEAKER_00It's yeah, it's a little different, but it is quite a bit different. Um, mostly just because she's maybe in a little bit more of a bubble than say, you know, a student that would be at public school. So there's less inter um interaction that she has with a variety of um less risk. Less risk. I I would say a variety of home training. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Variety of home training. That's a good way to look at that, boy.
SPEAKER_02That's definitely what it is. I mean, that's a real thing. That's a real thing, bro.
SPEAKER_00So what we've tried to do, yes, we've created, we've created a a social community, and Jermaine, you got a chance to see a piece of it a couple of days ago, but even that social community is a subset, you know what I mean? It's a socio-demographic subset of African Americans where they can homeschool, meaning the wife can stay at home, and you know, the husband works of a certain mindset as well. And so to um answer your question when it comes to my daughter, I think one of the things was mostly um modeling, just modeling. I think I was really trying to model mostly because like that's what my pops did for me uh and my brother. And we just watched and watched and watched, and that's really all we mostly could do. Um so we understood, I think, the foundational things of why our family was the way it was. And by the time we had our own, it was clear to us um the things that it took to recreate that that same environment. Okay. But yeah, with my daughter, it's um okay, I know she's going to grow up in a society where there's lack of maturation in um the population of men that she'll have to choose from. You know what I mean? And so we hope not, but we got a lamp of the words. Yeah, gotta be a real world. Yeah, uh, yeah. We hope we're doing the job. We hope we're doing the job. Just law of averages, and those things are generous, so they take time. So I know that that that exists, and I don't necessarily I just I see I see it. Um, well, I'll pull back. I know there's going to be somebody that is what I would say like worthy to be with her, and vice versa. Like I would hope that the man that she meets is at least a reflection of me in my principles and values. At least. Um, so it's pertinent to model that. And so the only way, the only thing she knows to look for is that. And so if she can see how my wife um respond or how my wife is in the relationship, you know, being supporting emotionally and uh having the freedom to be able to thrive in the things that she wants to thrive in, um, us moving, learning, growing in tandem, um, working through some of the difficult parts of the relationship, um, in the ways in which you have to do that communication, respect, um, that, you know, it it won't be difficult for her to spot it. And I'm hoping it won't be difficult for her to spot it. And so that's definitely with that. Now, yeah, there have been, we've had to have conversations um around like sexuality, things like that. We I honestly just try to be as matter-of-fact about it as possible. I call it like objectively empathetic. It's just, I'm empathetic, but I'm objective. Here's what's happening, here's what's going on. Um, I understand it's a difficult thing. There have been boys that come and gone, and she's uh gone through the uh roller coaster of emotions that come along with liking someone and them not liking you, and then not knowing what to do with the emotions, not knowing how to process it, uh, you know, all of those things. So that has happened, and I think to your point, Joseph, Reagan is similarly logical. Um, and so she can like take a step back, and now she can, at least, you know, it took a couple iterations, but I think she can at this moment take a step back, understand the dynamics of what's going on, and not get too wrapped up in the moment of what's happening. Um but yeah, you know, there was a little boy that liked her, and we had a skating event that we have one tomorrow. Um, we had a skating event, and she was like, hey daddy, this the uh can you go pick up I can't, I think his name was Cecil. We'll just say it's Cecil. Uh Cecil, I was like, Well, who's Cecil? Well, Cecil is he's in our writing group and he's this and he's that, and we've been talking about this, and he likes this, and we both like this, and da-da-da-da-da. And um I invited him to the skating ring. I said, Okay, cool. Well, you know, I think that's good. Like, the first time y'all meet should be in a public place. Yeah, you know, and we can get a chance to meet his family, this, this, this, and that. So I was explaining to her the right way to go about this. Uh, so we get to the skating ring, and she asked, well, before we get to the skating ring, she's like, Well, can you go pick him up? I was like, Well, I don't know if Cecil's parents. I don't know if they're gonna be comfortable with me just come picking him up and taking them somewhere. Like, you know, I would need to talk to his parents, and I don't want to just show up at his crib the first time meeting his parents. So I had to explain the dynamics there that parents have to consider when it comes to when their kids interacting with one another, what it does to parents when they get dragged along and dragged into situations, and we gotta we gotta deal with honest.
SPEAKER_01Yes, sir.
SPEAKER_00All because they want play dates and all because they want to meet up and do this. But uh so we explain that. We end up, I said, no, we're not gonna be able to pick him up and have his have his parents you know drop him off or something like that. But anyway, we get to the skating rink and she invited him. We didn't know she invited him. We get there and she's looking at the door, like, you know, skating around the skating rink, looking at the door. And the little boy comes, and uh, you know, before he showed up, I was I was talking to my wife, and I said, Hey, I think Reagan invited Cecil because she's looking at the front door like every time she skates around the rink, and um he's on his way. And so I was having I was having my own like little moment, like, okay, cool, like how am I gonna react, or rather, how am I gonna respond? But luckily, um, you know, a little small guy kind of uh inert you looking, and probably someone that I wouldn't mind Reagan kicking it with, to be honest with you. Yeah, yeah. Cool, seems safe, seems safe. But you know, had he come too fly, too good with the mouthpiece, um, you know real talk, real talk, man. Game recognized gaming. Yeah, yeah, right. Would have been a little different situation.
SPEAKER_03But you know, you don't have to worry about that though, in the sense that you know, that's not you. Like, you I mean you're kind of simple.
SPEAKER_00I don't know, like if you if you allude that's me. But if you if we allude to what uh we were just talking about with Max and his girl, we can only control what we think we can control.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I don't know if if Reagan will go and say, oh, well, you know, I um I was with, you know, I'm I work we work remote, so I'm with in a homeschool, I'm with him all the time. So Reagan's like, all right, I got that guy. Like, I know who that guy is. I'm gonna get the easy she goes, she might get to college and be like, oh, there's guys that do this and talk like this and look like this and sound like that and dance like, you know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_02So but they're not gonna be, but it's not gonna um she not gonna People like exotic man, whatever that means.
SPEAKER_00Jermaine, Jermaine, so listen, so hold on, so hold on. Go ahead, go ahead. I don't think I don't quite think that you can say she's not gonna do this, she's not gonna do that, or that's not gonna be an issue. I don't think you can you can go that far and say that because only because he doesn't have enough information. Yeah, you don't have enough information.
SPEAKER_03No, let me let me say this. I think you know, I think we're gonna be able to do that.
SPEAKER_00And it's not it's more so that um this is what I'm doing in the hopes that that's it.
SPEAKER_03I go back to the verse, train up a child in the way they should go. So they you know, like the we know that we tr you you like you alluded to, you provide them the narrative, you provide them the example, right?
SPEAKER_00I agree. Eventually, yes, I agree.
SPEAKER_03Eventually they come back to what has their training has been.
SPEAKER_00So like I will say, hold on, but because take Joseph for example, if you look at Joseph's household now, and you look at Joseph's household by the way he's illustrated it in the last few episodes, you'd say he was to replicate what he grew up in. He was to replicate that model.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah, no, I see what you're saying.
SPEAKER_00But you can't so you can only, I mean, you can only, like I said, you can only have the best intentions. You never know if somebody's gonna follow, or somebody's gonna repel, if somebody's gonna be a mirror, somebody's gonna be a magnifying glass. Yeah. So that's all I'm saying is like, here are my hopes, and here's what I'm doing now, and the hopes that things go as I would want, would would hope they would for her. But um, and then you know, my son, he's nine. We had a little bit of a talk. Um, he worked up, we had a little bit of a talk, um, because he uh, you know, you know, you wake up early in the morning and you you pitch in tents, and so he was pitching tents uh a couple mornings, and we we had to talk about that. But that's all about say, hey man, look, for you, your the success of you as a man will rely on your ability to control that exact thing. That exact thing, everything's interesting, everything relies on your ability to control that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, everything because it will control your your way of thinking, brother. For damn sure. And don't never mind, yeah.
SPEAKER_00So that's I gotta all I gotta say about that.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. No, I mean this is this is super, super I mean, man, so many people are going through these through these struggles right now.
SPEAKER_00But your son, Jermaine, how is how's that conversation with your son now that he's 14 as well?
SPEAKER_03Well, shoot, it's it's it's it's not just the 14-year-old, it's uh I mean I mean I'm a 10 and a 9 and an eight-year-old. Well, well, seven will be eight in May. So I've I've got like a cluster. Throw a PowerPoint on. You're not you're not off the track, man. You're not you're not far off track. I probably will be doing something like that. So I've been individually having discussions with different different children. Um you kind of alluded to there's a difference between like the birds and bees and the sexuality conversations, which the girls tend to want to have and not the boys, interestingly enough. It's it's it's funny you mentioned that. Because my daughter was the same one that was kind of asking me, like, what is what does it mean to be gay?
SPEAKER_02Like, I initiated a gay wedding. A lot of questions came from that shit. We'll we'll talk about that in a moment. Go ahead.
SPEAKER_03Okay, yeah.
SPEAKER_02We'll talk about that in a minute. But yeah, go ahead, man.
SPEAKER_03But you know, when we were in Jersey, they were when we lived in Jersey, it's a little bit more there there's it's a little more liberal than Texas. And so, you know, what they teach about these things is a little bit more, it's a little broader. Yeah, I would imagine accepting of of of all you know all aspects. And so, you know, she just I'm glad she she was able to bring those questions to me, but she her she was just questions about like is it right? Can can girl and girls get married, can girl and boys get married? So I mean, for me, I was like, I mean, I had to really think long about how to talk about that. Yeah, but really it was just a matter of like, hey, uh, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
SPEAKER_01Whoa. I didn't know you had a soundboard too, buddy. Calm down.
SPEAKER_03No, but um it was just a matter of talking to her and just saying, hey, look, you know, um, you know, in America, everybody can get you can get married to whatever you want to get married to. Boys can married, girls, girls can marry, girls. And, you know, everybody has a right to do that. And, you know, as far as you know, we we we don't we love all people. You know, whether they like girls or guys or anything. We don't discriminate, we don't treat them any differently, we don't treat them bad, we don't treat them better, we just treat them like regular people. And we also go to, well, at the time we go to Liquid Church. Shout out to Liquid in New Jersey. Um and you know, and in Liquid, they we teach that man is with woman and woman is with man, and that's the way we uh um the Bible intends. And so as per church and per you know scriptures, this is how we operate. Is that a conflict?
SPEAKER_02Uh do y'all allow that to be a conflict? Uh meaning if which which doctrine do you prescribe to? Meaning um for her? Correct. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. For like for your children, if if if they're being taught that on by one hand, but being taught that it's also okay by the other hand, like how do you swear that in your own teachings? Like when you're when you're when you know because obviously you gotta you gotta live it, you know what I mean.
SPEAKER_03We gotta cross that bridge when we get to it, buddy. I see, I see. We're gonna hope we're not gonna cross that bridge.
SPEAKER_01I feel you.
SPEAKER_03I mean, well, I mean, let's put it this way for me. Um, I say to her, I tell her, I mean, she's a 10 year old, so I tell her, hey, um you know, what do you think? I ask her, it's more Questioning than me directing. See where they are. Yeah. Like what do you think about that? And you know, so for her, she was like, Well, you know, I kind of like liquid. She loved like the church that we go to. And so she's like, Well, I kind of like what they say too. And you know, I think girls should be with boys, because you know, like, it seems like right. It seems like okay. And I was like, Well, you know, as you say. And so that's that's how I say that's that's how I I left you. And I'm like, as you say, and so for for that, it's just a matter of I just I I just told her as a matter of fact, like you, like you said, Jared, like, hey, this is what you you'll see, and it's okay. People get married, girls and girls get married, boys and boys get married, and that's okay. You know, they can do that. We we will respect people and not treat them any differently. And we will love them our love our neighbors, because that's the um second commandment. Second it's top two, right? Love you comm love. So but as far as you know, but there are differing views, and the view that you know we typically will we hear in church was liquid, is that it gets w gets with a woman. And so she was like, that was perfectly acceptable with her. Okay. And I think part of that was just I just laid it out, like this is the this is what it is. Right.
SPEAKER_02Don't try to confuse the issue, man.
SPEAKER_03You're you're right. I'm not trying to say that's what society does. It's they're going that they're gonna, but it ain't none of that. You just and when you put too much sauce on it, the kids get like they want to get it tinkles that rebellious spirit in them.
SPEAKER_02Right, that's what I'm saying. There's so there's so many other factors that go into that's that's the thing we we talk about, the girls, right? We you're talking about like, well, how could you say what because it was like, you know, I could do all the whatever, whatever, but you know, my my my six-year-old likes bad boys. This is a bad kid in her class, she can't get enough of this nigga. And I'm like, what what is what is going on here? Like, what is what is this? You know, and so it's it's it's weird. You're 100% is only 50%, you know.
SPEAKER_03We we um Yeah, if that man, I'm I'm so glad I have y'all to talk to though, because it's but but with the boy, well, I mean, uh how this whole conversation came up though, the boy like you know, he's he's he got caught up with um you know, looking at illicit pictures online, and so we had to kinda I had to kind of talk to him and I was like, look, man, this is not like I I like I understand you like to see people with their pants off and I like them but and this is taking down many a men so quickly. You're not ready for this, you're not ready for any of it. I wasn't even saying like this is right or wrong. I was just saying, look, you're whatever this is, you're not ready for it.
SPEAKER_02It's you're not ready for it. It's not for you, it's not for you right now, man.
SPEAKER_03It's not for you. Look, it's so difficult. This is this is this is not for you. And with that in mind, you need to treat it like it's like you like you're looking at a gun on a table. You wouldn't walk up and play with a gun because you're scared of a gun. You need to be just as afraid of that. That's right.
SPEAKER_02And I'm not saying don't go to the range, you know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_03But we know time and place Hey, and I'm not saying I'm not saying this ain't never like I'm not saying any of that. I'm just saying, look, this is not for you, and it has taken down many a men. Many a men can't can't get a hold of it. And so your job is to stay away from this for as long as possible as humanly possible. Society's gonna put it in your face every which way.
SPEAKER_02Okay, and so speaking of that, right? That that's the conversation I had with Isaac. He's my nine-year-old who'll be 10 this year, right? Where, you know, every time some sexy asses come on the screen, this dude's ewing and shit, all right? So I'm like, um, looking at him like so. Next time it happened, I was like, I was like, kind of sus. You know, I talked to him in his language, I'm like, kind of sus. This dude, this is what he did. Bro, I'm not gay, dad. Okay. That's that's protest too much. I said, okay, I dude, I was just, I don't know, every time you see a bikini booty, dog, you start acting like it's not good. I said, bro, I'm not, you know. So he's a, and here's the thing about one of those kids, man. I worry about him. I'll tell you, I don't I don't worry about Max, man. But Isaac got the long hair, he's a smooth talker, a little cutie patootie, all the little girls.
SPEAKER_00Like, what do you even you you don't have the proclivity, like you're not equipped. Yeah, it's you're not equipped. So if you're not, if you take that and you say, okay, I'm I'm so not equipped, even like say for Isaac, you may just be not as equipped for the rest of them.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I mean, it it's it's clear because his stance on women is very different because of how he's approached by them. He's bothered by these hoes all up on him. You know what I'm saying? Like he's he that's it's very different, you know, and so his relationship with these girls is like, boy, they're bothersome as hell. I can't get nothing done. And it's so it's it's a very different thing than a motherfucker who's looking for a hoe to touch him and talk to him and shit. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. This dude's like, ah, get him off me. God damn, I just want to, you know, and so it's the the conversation is even different because of his view, right? It's completely different than mine. Nigga, I want no cute nigga. Okay, I'm saying I was fucking dark skinned and shit. I had not to work hard. This nigga gotta tell a joke or nothing. You know what I'm saying? So it's like it's it's it's a good experience for us all because they are very different. Like, I suppose my interactions with Isaac in that area made me know that I I'm not prepared at all for the girls, brother. Like, I can't even handle two dudes that were both raised by me, nigga. All right, I should know. Yeah, it's it's just it's very strange. And then he sees how his brother is. I know that's a big thing, though, okay? That's the biggest thing is uh I have daughters with older brothers, bro. And that's gonna play a huge role into how these girls grow up. Because from personal experience, the coolest chicks I know all have brothers. All of them have brothers. Because brothers are like the first dudes outside of like your dad, right? Who don't want shit from you, nigga. They just they're your they're your age group and they don't want shit from you. They don't even like you half the time. You know what I'm saying? That that sibling rivalry love shit is good for women, man. It teaches them, I think, a lot about boys, obviously, and how they think, how they act, which I think is good. Some women get surprised by the man aspects of men because they weren't really raised around them, you know. They had their dad, but he doesn't act like a man around his daughters in that way, right? And so sometimes I think there's a confusion that happens up, and girls get into their late teens about how dudes are supposed to be supposed to act. So I think chicks with with guys, or chicks with guys, chicks with brothers uh come out better socially, I think, having learning how to deal with men. And so I try to make sure that the relationship between my boys and and my girls is strong. Um, especially because they're also being the same school with them for a few years. And I need them to know that they're protected. I need them to know that like anybody about the fuck, you know, there's a y'all know who uh Nate Diaz and Nick Diaz are. They're UFC fighters. Um Well, just know that they're brothers and they're UFC fighters, okay?
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And there was an interview one time that was happening with a younger brother, man, and I love this line. He says, he's like, Well, were you bullied as a kid? And he says, Was I booked? I got an older brother. No, I wasn't bullied. I he said that line so matter-of-facted, like, dude, my older brother would never let something happen to me. Are you kidding me? And like, I love that. I want all of my children, aside from Max, who should have me for that, to know that nah, my family will never let nothing happen to me. I want them to have that sort of bond. And I think that the way in which obviously they treat their mom, the way they treat their sister, a lot of that's gonna be the way they treat the girls, okay? And and vice versa. So there's a there's a lot that is in this relationship building when it comes to these little boys, these little girls, man. Um, because they have a lot, they have multiple versions of it early. You know, I didn't have that early. I didn't have no sisters or anything like that. You know, my parents worked. Also, I have a question for y'all too. Uh you brought up earlier how the role of the relationship that our kids see us, right? They see us with our wives and how we interact with them. That also informs them on how they should act, you know, obviously with their spouse or with their others. Um, I don't know y'all's, well, you know, I know early on, you know, tertiary, how, you know, Jerry's parents are. I hung around with them a lot, whatever, yada yada. But like I had like a bad household, okay? My parents were really, you know, they were, they didn't love each other. They barely loved us, they just beat us all the time. They fought every fucking day from 5 o'clock to 10 p.m. Like it was just, it was hell. It was hell all the time until I was 17. Now, what I learned from that was how to be very hellish, okay? I didn't learn how to love. I didn't learn how to so all of that stuff happened just in real time through my relationships. And I wonder, now, again, I don't know y'all's parents' relationships, but if y'all found those relationships good and positive, how did that affect the way y'all pursued women? Like, I wanted an opposite girl. Because you were Jared was alluding to like, I would want her to try to find somebody who at least reflects. I wanted the exact opposite person as my mom, bro. Okay? Because of the way she treated people, the way she treated me, the way she did my mom, my dad. So, y'all, I I 100% hear y'all's argument there about the way the parents' relationship affects us and how ours affects theirs. Do y'all see consciously the things that y'all pulled from your parents' relationships, the the the good parts that y'all pulled?
SPEAKER_03I didn't I didn't really care. Me and my stepdad had a very contentious relationship. Okay, okay when I was growing up. I mean, I say stepdad only because just for reference, that's my dad. Right? Right, right, right. Good. And and i you know he probably now, that's that's my nigga right now. Like as we've gotten older, and I married my nigga. That that's my my dad is my that's so now it comes with its own headaches because even though my old man is my old you know, he's he's my dog, he can still he still know how to get on my nerves. And some of his proclivities still be getting on our nerves. On my nerves. But and still, I mean I the person I married was more like my dad than my mother. Like, and uh, and and I'm a lot like my mother. I'm so much more like my mother, like we're we're pretty much, yeah, we're we're pretty pretty close to the dynamics. And yeah, it's I the benefits, I understand some of the benefits. Also, no offense, mom, if you watch this. Yeah, no, no. Shout out to mom. Shout out to mom. I forgot, I forgot.
SPEAKER_02I'm I'm talking like it's just us.
SPEAKER_03I mean, look, man, look, look, look, man, these parents, these parents.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, it is beginning.
SPEAKER_03Cut that out of the post, cut that out of the post. Cut that out of post. Just edit, just edit a different. Just edit a different. You know what? You know what? We're gonna let Jared answer this one and then we're gonna wrap it up. I think you got enough enough trouble, Jared Joe.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, what was the question? I don't remember.
SPEAKER_03Um I just go back to a lot of talking about his mom. How much of your parents, as an example, did you use in your own relationship? Yeah, were you conscious of like something you're gonna like Sam like your mom or your dad?
SPEAKER_00That's good. I think I don't think um Wow. That's a good question. I don't think I was conscious of it around the time Sam I was looking for a mate. I wouldn't say I was I wouldn't say that's how it happened. You know, I met Sam and she was just um so different than other girls I had dated. And um I didn't have a joke there. So did I?
SPEAKER_01I didn't mean to probably say I got y'all, I got y'all, I got y'all.
SPEAKER_04I got y'all. Only because we love you, though.
SPEAKER_00I got y'all.
SPEAKER_04Okay, we gotta lie, bro. Okay. We gotta lie. I got you.
SPEAKER_00Oh, I got you. All right.
SPEAKER_03Oh man, oh man. We're gonna let we're gonna just let the audience just dive back one.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's that's if you know, you know. Uh I accept that 100%. I accept it. I accept it. I receive that. But um, yeah, man, it just kind of happened. And I think it was, it just our relationship felt so natural. And um, but probably some of the subconscious stuff, maybe Joseph, that you're alluding to, some of the subconscious stuff where your subconscious was like, I need someone that is um in, you know, someone that's more in contrast to my mom or to your mom, then um, you know, how I maybe approached, you know, Sam subconsciously.
SPEAKER_02So I think it's more like if you're did it change what you're looking for? Does it change how you manage it? But I'm sorry, go ahead, go ahead.
SPEAKER_00I would say um it didn't, it it probably definitely subconsciously influenced what I was looking for once I was serious about marrying her. And probably got me closer to that point than um, yeah, probably got me closer to that point than something that I was consciously thinking about. But I think more so where our conversation was headed was how we how we manage that now. And so I can think of now, I can see. Um it's kind of like those those things you were talking about, Joseph, years ago. You're like, hey man, you know, finally we can say things like, hey, we've been friends for 20 years, or we can say things we've been, we've done this, and so I can say, okay, now my parents have been married um going on 30, no 50. 50 years. Going on 50 years. And um they looking at that saying, okay, I want 50 years. Like I want 50 years, so what do I gotta do to get that? And to that uh to that seed sowing conversation that we have, Jermaine, that's what was like, all right, well, what kind of seeds do I need to be sowing right now? And that's just how I was starting to see like a lot of stuff, like financial decisions, relationship decisions, friendships, um pruning people out of life, you know, meeting new people, bringing new people into my life for different seasons that I that I I was going through. Uh it was all about just like, all right, one of these days whether intentionally, unintentionally, I'm gonna reap something. I'm reaping something. Either I'm reaping good seeds that I've sown, or I'm trying to reap from seeds that I didn't sow, or um I'm re I've got this negative reaping that's happening from a bunch of seeds that I just shouldn't have been. So I was very conscious about like I need somebody with me that just helps me sow good seeds.
SPEAKER_02That's very good. You look you were looking for a partner. I think I was looking for a mate originally. My fault, go ahead. What are you saying, Tremaine? Song of good seeds. We're looking for a good thing. Yeah, that's that's a it's funny, man. You talk about that relationship. I I'm gonna be honest with you, I don't think I considered how it affected me because I didn't think it existed. You know, they divorced as soon as I got out of high school. My mom was like, I'll just wait for you to graduate. I've been trying to get out of. It was like very you know, and and it's like, oh man, there was nothing there for me to no, that's a lie. There was a lot for me to learn. There wasn't a lot of positive things that came. That's also a lie. Because learning the wrong way to do stuff teaches you not to do that. And so while it was more difficult because I have to kind of unlearn, because you know what happens, right? Something comes up and you go to your base. My base is what what I experienced. And so I was very angry. I used to, you know, because I can get loud and all. And so you think, oh, I've won because she doesn't want to argue with me. You know, you you start to have weird rationales to to explain, to, to excuse your bad behavior, you know? And the times I started thinking about my parents' relationship, it's like, oh, because I'm doing the same wrong things. That's what that's how their relationship affects me. Is I think of, oh, though this is this is oh, this sounds like some shit they would do. Like that's how their relationship is right here. It's never, oh, how did they handle? No, no, it's never that. It's always like, oh no, this is their fucking path. I can feel that, go away from that. And it it it was in the forefront of my mind on the looking part, not on the management part, because they didn't give me good information to manage my relationship with, but I knew what I wanted to, I know where I didn't want it to start. It can't start in that place that they were. And so I think that I think it changed what I was looking for. I think it's the reason why I gravitated towards that Asian culture, a little more subservient, a little more, you know. I I think there's a lot of that that was in here that m attracted me to what I saw there.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Because I'm a big, I'll meet you, I want to meet your parents, dude. I'm like, I'm a weird fucking guy. I've always loved people's parents, bro. Like, I I don't know what that is. Now, armchair quarterback 30 years later, I wanted to know who you really were. And you can't hide it if I know uh yada yada yada. Like I was eight. I've just always been this way. Uh but that's what I fell in love with, bro, is the culture of which she came from, which I felt comfortable in, man. Like, yeah, and that that was the biggest attraction was that like, oh, okay, then I can see how her parents are acting, ain't and but illusions, boy. They weren't fighting and fussing, but they didn't fucking love each other, though. And so it's a weird. Sometimes it don't gotta be fighting and fussing for it to be not a good relationship. You know what I mean? There wasn't respect in their relationship.
SPEAKER_03But even you learning that, too.
SPEAKER_02There you go. There you go. Because what it did is allowed me to show her, nah, dudes don't have to be like that guy. Because she didn't look for a dude like her dad. But here's the kicker. But without having her crazy fuck, because her dad's also a military vet, PTSD wild, without her having that sort of father, she wouldn't have put up with any of my shit because that's what I act like was a PTSD Vietnam vet. I act just like my dad. But any other woman would have been like, get your wild ass the fuck out of here. They wouldn't have put up with my shit. But she saw that happening, you know, her growing up, she's like, Yeah, sometimes niggas act like war vets, nigga. Like, you know, like you just assume that, but it all it gave me time, it it gave a weird sort of grace that allowed me to grow out of that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02And it's it's it's so manicured in particular, right? You know what I mean? And uh again, nothing is random, but it's it's it's relationships are built on so much more than what we see. And to try to bring it full circle, man, I I I want to make sure I instill in my children the best sort of backbone or scaffolding for them to hang their relationships on. Uh, whether that be following my lead or Or whether that be understanding my faults so that they can, you know, uh uh avoid it. Cause there are times, you know, where somebody will do I say somebody, my wife will do something, and under my breath, I'm talking some shit, but I'm talking some shit a little too close to my 13-year-old who's kind of absorbing that. And then he's like, Yeah, I should have that attitude too. And it's like, you know, you gotta, you know, control your smiles and frowns is a good line from training day, man. You gotta control your smiles and frowns. And, you know, I learned very, very early on, you know, don't argue in front of your damn children because that's the only thing that my parents ever did. And it made me not respect women. It made me not respect people. It made me a very like when I get angry, I get too angry. I get fucking, I want to destroy you, I want to make you never I get real crazy, bro. Because I didn't respect people, man. I didn't respect people because nobody respected me. I didn't see any respect in my house. It was like, oh, okay, why the fuck I need to respect if because you know, kids have that, if my daddy don't, then why would I I was very like that, dude. Okay, like I'm looking for fucking fights because I can't fight my dad. I can't fight, you know, I'm I'm I got all this pent-up fucking just aggression from all this str again, stress, boy. That's stress, guys. Your kids feel it. It's it you can't. This is going in a whole different direction, man. Uh, this conversation was about a very specific thing. Y'all know how I'll ramble, man. I had some coffee. Y'all did woke me up a little bit.
SPEAKER_03Um put it in the notepad.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, there you go. That's that's that's why it's here, brother. I'm no longer are we gonna skip over these topics?
SPEAKER_03Because, you know, over the next couple weeks we are talking about relationships, but we are gonna go into family dynamics after relationships. So do a couple weeks on, and then after Mr. Todd comes on, we're gonna jump uh drive dive right in, jump and dive right into family dynamics just in time for those family reunions. Oh yeah. So uh we'll we'll cut it off here. We're we're we're getting we're getting a little late in the two, but uh, you know, I'm missed to get a job, Jermaine. Joe from work, you already know what it is.
SPEAKER_00It's J.
SPEAKER_03All right, man. Love you guys, and we'll hit it. It's all love, brothers. Y'all be cool.