Ep 6 Stop Following "Traditional" Relationship Rules

Chapters

00:00 Navigating Change and Livelihoods
03:13 Family Dynamics and Responsibilities
06:02 Reflections on Loss and Legacy
11:39 Lessons from a Measured Life
14:33 Embracing Change and Emotional Resilience
20:37 Shifting Roles in Modern Relationships
27:25 Navigating Parenthood and Personal Sacrifices
30:39 Attributes of a Partner: Insights on Relationships
35:26 The Importance of Balance in Relationships
38:38 Virtues to Look for in a Partner
41:07 The Role of Affection in Parenting
43:50 Understanding Different Family Dynamics
47:15 Reflections on Parenting and Personal Growth
52:40 NEWCHAPTER

Summary

This conversation delves into the complexities of change, loss, and the dynamics of relationships and parenting. The speakers reflect on their personal experiences with grief, the importance of family, and the virtues that contribute to healthy relationships. They discuss the challenges of balancing work and family life, the significance of consistency in parenting, and the attributes to look for in a partner. Ultimately, the conversation emphasizes the need for open communication, understanding, and growth in both personal and familial relationships.

Takeaways

Change can be both an opportunity and a challenge.
Legacy is built through consistent actions and relationships.
Family dynamics play a crucial role in personal development.
Consistency in parenting fosters a stable environment for children.
Grief can be processed in various ways, and it's important to find peace.
Understanding relationship dynamics helps in navigating challenges.
Attributes like curiosity and kindness are essential in a partner.
Balancing work and family life requires open communication and effort.
Parenting styles can reflect personal experiences and lead to overcorrections.
Virtues such as honesty and respect are foundational in relationships.

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:09

Let me extrapolate a little bit. So, you know, this maybe go into your excuse me. Your not paralyzing your and I don't want to say fear, but it's your the the type of feelings you have about change. Right? Because now give me some leeway. It might be a stretch. Okay, okay, let's find out. But now you're presented with where your livelihood is tied with to his potentially either leading you somewhere else, right? So it's it's creating that need that's gonna essentially change a bunch of things. Fundamentally, right? Like fundamentally, you've you're you've been you've been a passenger prince, you know? And that's and that's and I would say that's uh emblematic of just being of like something that's more that's that's almost like a fundamental, like, you know, something that me and Jerry were sitting here like, bro, you ain't drunk, but again, the way the flow went, it's like I can see how like we're 16, she had a car you didn't, she drive you, and then like y'all get married, and it's like, well, we you always driving, and if she ain't changing, if she ain't tripping, then it's just it's just it just becomes the one it like my mom used to always say, you start as you can continue. Start start start a relationship as you can continue. So it's like this has just been the norm. Norms are established, and then whoom. And now something comes in that's fundamental, that's outside of even you and her's control, or anything that's you know, nothing that you caused, right? It's not like you were just you know what it's just to change, though. What what the opportunity is you can move to Dallas and create something bigger, potentially more opportunities for yourself. Right. But bro, you're gonna have to drive. I ain't gonna hold you. You're gonna have to get in that whip.

SPEAKER_02 2:34

Yeah, see, that's like that's that's what I've heard for 40 years. That's what I'm saying. Like, what's what's the change that would have to happen?

SPEAKER_00 2:43

Yeah, exactly. Like, what's the catalyst? Because I can see, like, for example, if Sonny also worked, or like maybe Sonny needed to go to work, that's like that would be one change. Right. But I can see like the at the like if your family is moving at the right at the pace it needs to move at, especially if you know the kids are getting where they need to go, um you and Sonny are getting where y'all need to go. Um it's it's only in those kind of like maybe more drastic situations where it's like, okay, Sonny can't drive, and then which I'm pretty sure you probably just go ahead and get behind the wheel and what you gotta do. Yeah, it's not that I can't drive, I just don't drive. Yeah, you know what I mean? I know what you do. But um, you know, yes, there's risk. So I think that that would be the one thing is like, okay, well, what is the risk to that? But uh outside of that, I'm more on the I'm more on the like do it works. So if it has to be that now, if there is a future that's different than what exists now that you want to get to, then you kind of say, okay, well, how does that fit into where I'm trying to go or what I'm trying to improve or move to or whatever else? I think that that may be what Jermaine's trying to speak to. Yeah. But I don't do the potential I'm all about changing the pace. Like the pace at which your family moves. If you just, you know, you got the kid. Yeah, if it changes, you know, change with it. That's like my brother. My brother's family right now is just it's moving at a ridiculous pace. So yeah, they've got two vehicles, they've got three drivers, and they're driving everywhere. But um Who's that? That's the third driver. Their daughter, their daughter's 16 now. Oh, snap. Damn, that's wild. That's wild. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 4:40

Oh, that's crazy, man.

SPEAKER_00 4:43

Yeah. She's she was a baby, she was a baby when she was we were at the at the wedding.

SPEAKER_04 4:48

I know, bro.

SPEAKER_00 4:51

But yeah, dude, like if the fans, like I said, the fans at the pace, man, keep it doing it. Now, now to Jermaine's point, there is opportunity. And so if some of those opportunities can be closed off, if that's a hindrance. But I don't wanna I don't wanna you were talking about something else, and then I jumped on the license thing. You were talking about um you were talking about something else, and then I I interjected with the license thing. I don't remember. Yeah, it kind of went left, and then Jermaine hit the record button.

SPEAKER_04 5:22

Yeah, I hit the record button. Yeah, it's all good. It's all good. I think you remember this. It'll come to you. If it does, just jump in. But it's good to see you back, brother. It's good to see you back.

SPEAKER_00 5:34

Appreciate you, I appreciate you.

SPEAKER_04 5:36

And we just want we we dedicate the last episode to to Uncle. Hey. You know, to the lost uncle, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 5:45

We just we know that um we got poor flask. I thought I brought that.

SPEAKER_04 5:50

Uh we we hey, but hey, we hey, do we need to pause the episode and go get the drinks? Well, I can't drink, I can't really drink it now, but my science is killing me so good.

SPEAKER_00 6:03

Um mom was real sad. You know, that was her only sibling. And uh my my my uncle was a bit older than my mom, so there was quite a bit of like responsibility he had when they were growing up. And so my grandmother raised them from some point on. I want to say it was around the time my uncle was you know, maybe a teenager, right out of right out of like them um yeah, a teenager. But anyway, so they've been together ever since. Like they've always lived within like a tight radius of each other um my entire life. And so um Dude, when I was growing up, we would eat we'd go eat with him every Friday for my entire life, and then all up all the way up until the day he or the week he passed, they were still eating every Friday dinner in a movie. So there's a Mexican restaurant we would go to over there off Highway 6. Anyway. Yeah, man, a lot of people showed up, a lot of old friends, a lot of old family. Of course, I hadn't seen in a long time. Let's see. My dad did some reflections. Um my little cousins did a couple of reflections, so his grandkids, and then his old next door neighbor. Judge, I don't know if you remember those, you know those Soup Mart commercials. I don't know if you remember Soupmart.

SPEAKER_02 7:32

I do remember Soupmart, the red lettering with the white.

SPEAKER_00 7:35

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Soup Mart, um, one of the owners lived next door to my uncle. His name is Gary, so he gave some reflections. Okay. Uh but yeah, yeah, yeah. Aaron showed up, um, and his family rolled through because they used to go camping together. And um Yeah, it was cool. It was cool. I pulled out that interview I did with him, watched about 30 minutes of it. Oh, okay. Some of the stuff he was talking about. And um, I gotta just kind of go through it, edit it a little bit, and uh I'm gonna send it out to probably my cousin and my aunt. So um, yeah, Aunt, of course, is you know, trying to figure out how to transition. Um, you know, she's by herself now and just kind of see what that looks like. So yeah, long, long week funeral bringing out what funerals do, you know, family members and all that kind of stuff. So there's the drama attached to that. Um but yeah, man, you know, it was good to see family. But good, but good to get back here though. Um, because it was sad to have you down there.

SPEAKER_06 8:51

But yeah. What are we into now?

SPEAKER_04 8:54

Any any reflections? Any personal reflections, any any thoughts?

SPEAKER_00 9:02

Yeah, absolutely. Um there were a couple of like themes that people were saying. So his his best friend Milton also gave some reflections. So my uncle was a uh was an architect and engineer, and one of the first black engineers at Jacobs in Houston, and one of his buddies, Milton, was one of the engineers uh there as well. So he did like pipeline engineering for oil and gas. Um and one of the things that his friend was saying about my uncle was um just kind of how even my uncle was. Like my uncle wasn't um prone to being on drastic sides of any emotion, especially if it was like frustration or anger or anything like that. But they kept saying that he was very measured. And what that kept telling me was you know, someone that's measured is someone that's methodical about how they how they move, how they operate, um, how they speak, how they decision things. And so that was him. Like I remember if he was gonna make, say, like a big purchase, he was a reader of consumer reports. And so before he makes a purchase, he's researching, he's um you know, weighing the decision, he's looking at this, these considerations over these considerations anyway. So that told me, okay, like there's a way to move so you're not making knee-jerk decisions, um you're moving in a way where you've considered as many options and viewpoints and perspectives as possible. Um and by doing that, um, you're a little bit more purposeful in how you do things and how you approach things like relationships or how you approach things like stressful situations. We're talking about change. Um I think right now is a is a good time for each of us having experienced change and having change come being thrust upon us, how we approach it, process it, and understand it, and be measured in how we respond to it so we're not in any way, shape, or form reacting and then uh possibly making a misstep. And so, yeah, those were a couple of things that people were talking through. Um, he was a DIYer. Um I think that's that's a lot of where I get it from. Man, I got these old light switches in this house and I'm replacing them with those nice little like rocker switches. Um but I'm sitting here like, you know, going through the wiring and I'm thinking, okay, yeah, it's probably what my uncle would have done. Um but yeah, and he again, like my dad was more showing my brother and I how to how to do things, um, how to be responsible, how to hold yourself accountable, how to want to always achieve. And uh my uncle was the one that I would listen to. So when we were talking earlier, and I don't know if it was you, Jermaine, or if it was you, um Joseph, when we were talking about how kids don't, you know, they they kind of lose an ear for their parents and start to get ears, and it's it's a lot of times it's that uncle that gets the other ear. And so uh that was my uncle. And so I always just felt so blessed. I was like, man, I got two amazing examples of what a man is supposed to be, and they're consistent. It's not like one is over here and one is over here, and you know, one is sometimes y and one I kinda I mean, it was like consistent. This guy was at all of my basketball games, he was at band concerts, he was at um, like I said, we ate at the Mexican food restaurant every Friday. I mean, he was consistent, and I think that's probably one of the best gifts or one of the the best things I could have learned from him. Um, whether I'm not sure if yeah, you know, that he was a model of was just that consistency. And I don't know, is that yours, Joseph? Your word? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's your word. And so it's like, okay, if if this is to be done right, it's gotta be done consistently. If the next generation is to learn from us, it's gotta be done consistently. And that's repetitious, yes, especially if you have to always verbalize it, and that gets frustrating. But what's cool is that if you're doing it, the repetition is just part of your life, and you don't have to talk as much, you don't have to speak as much.

SPEAKER_03 13:54

That's also very true.

SPEAKER_00 13:55

You know what I'm saying? So it takes a little bit of that load off. Some of the stuff you have to say, yeah, because it can't always be modeled. But um yeah, that that's what I got from him. So yeah, God bless, man. I appreciate the support. He's in a much better place, can't wait to see him again. But I got nothing appreciation for him. I wasn't, I was sad. I thought I was gonna break down crying at some point, and I was about to joke um, Jermaine, when you called me, I was at Starbucks and I was about to go to the library. Um, and but dude, I never did. And I think it was because like I I had no regrets when it came to him. Uh I expressed as much appreciation to him as I possibly could while he was here. And I was like, man, I'm trying to honor you by recording this interview. This is me honoring you, who you are, your legacy. So once that all that was done, I was at so much peace with him passing. And, you know, there are people in shambles and stuff like that. And he was an important person, and I I fully understand that. But I was trying to understand it. I'm like, man, did I read too much of this stoicism? And I can't emote now, and I I can't feel I can't feel anything. But I just really understood, okay, this is how this is supposed to go. Yes, I'm sad he's gone, but he left all of himself and you know, all the people that he impacted. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_04 15:29

Yeah. And and it, you know, the two things that come up is it kind of gets into what we were talking about last week. It's it's that legacy, and and it's that giving those pe giving those flowers when people are here and not waiting until the funeral, where, like, yeah, there will be a there might be a point where you will have a point where you may feel emotional, or maybe even shed a thug tear. You know?

SPEAKER_06 16:02

Yeah, just getting it.

SPEAKER_04 16:03

But it'll be a it'll be a thug tier of remembrance.

SPEAKER_06 16:06

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:10

But it'll be a thug tier of remembrance. It won't be a thug tier of grief or sorrow. Right. It'll be a thug tier of like, man, I wish he was here to see, or I wish that, you know, um he could see like it's a it's a longing for like wanting them to be here to experience these moments. But but not a moment of like, oh man, I wish we could have. Or we didn't get a chance to, or I didn't get a chance to. Oh yeah. It's just man, and that's I mean, you know, I think I mean we've we've we've definitely just had discussions on this on this podcast on legacy and just giving those flowers out. And uh man, we we dove we dove deep into that last week, so shoot. We was you know, we we was uh we was at the funeral with you in spirit, you know, having a good discussion.

SPEAKER_01 17:07

Man, I bet hey, I missed it, but I'm glad you guys got a chance to dig into something.

SPEAKER_02 17:12

Yeah, it got it gave us a chance to express our our relationship with loss, you know, and and how you how you how you teach that. Uh because no one like what you're talking about, being at peace with someone's passing, that's that's you know, ideal right there. That's what you want. Because you don't want that abrupt loss, you know, like not knowing how to handle the emotions. And you know, that's not always a sign of not being able to handle uh an emotion like like grief, right? Sometimes it's not able to handle emotion like love, you know. There was one funeral where I was, you know, I'm usually I just been I just been to too many of them where I get it, I understand it. But one of them I was speaking at when my aunt died, and I couldn't, I couldn't even, I couldn't get the words out, man. Me. All right. I couldn't even, I I I could I could not handle like trying to express myself, you know, about her, man. It just it was really I was I was very I was very confused. You know, it had never happened to me before. I I wasn't expecting it. And um so it's I I want to make sure that I know how to prepare my children for lost. So that was that was a lot of what we talked about. It's just kind of you know, learning, learning about that. And everybody does agree in their own way, but like, like it's it's for like when my dad passed, right? And it's like, you know, we're we're his kids, dude. So we're not really that was, you know, it's kind of like we dealt with that a long kind of time ago, you know, because he had dementia, all of something, you know. So his mind slipped uh kind of a while back, and you know, so it was it was more of closure for like having to live with this version of him now that he is for so long and stuff. So it was like it was good, like it was a relief. That's what it was. It was a relief there, you know, of like, all right, this is done now, like fine, man. We can we can put this to bed, man. And it's uh it's cool because like you said, man, they live on in their teachings, and you know, you see it and you feel it, and you know, whatever people believe out there, um, they're still connected to us and whatever ways uh you believe they are, man. I you know, I I still, you know, I I I believe I speak with if not the memory of the dead, the dead themselves, you know, we've had dreams and you know, just different things. And so it's it's uh I don't know. I I stopped being sad for people who died kind of a long time ago. Um the sadness is really more on us because we gotta still kind of be here and deal with that loss, you know. I was telling Jermaine, you know, that's that's kind of my grieving is is when I'm around family during that grieving process. I'm I'm their shoulder. You know, I I'm I try to be strong for them, you know. I saw that Snickers died, not going anywhere for a while. All right, I get it. Man, I earned it.

SPEAKER_04 20:46

All right. Look, we've had a couple episodes of that serious shit. So we're gonna hit, we're gonna make a hard right uh to something a little bit more lively. A little bit more, we've been heavy for the last couple days, couple weeks. So, what got me thinking?

SPEAKER_02 21:09

Oh, wait, what are we thinking? My man, I should I should let you finish. That's on me. Let you finish.

SPEAKER_04 21:14

Hey, hey, hey, hey, you know what, man?

SPEAKER_01 21:19

Reverse colour girl.

SPEAKER_04 21:20

Yes and yes, both, okay? No, it got me thinking, like, you know, I was thinking about the dynamics between you two gentlemen as far as, you know, when we first jumped on the pile, we were talking about how uh the good brother Joe, um, his lady drives him everywhere, right? Which is chauffeur. Passenger prince, you are a man of leisure. A man of leisure that's been from the making. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 21:49

This is true. This is true.

SPEAKER_04 21:51

Which real talk, I'm just jealous, okay? All the work you could be doing, if Fran was driving me everywhere, bruh.

SPEAKER_01 22:00

Yeah, man.

SPEAKER_04 22:01

Bruh, all the things I could be doing if I was to interview them. That is the hack. A chef and a chauffeur, bruh. That's the hack. Um, I was thinking about the dynamics and how the dynamics are so different. I see them as so different. And then now, like, um, you know, Jerry, your your wife, she's in uh Mexico. Your daddy daycare. You know, and it got me to just thinking about, you know, the relationship dynamics and and how we as men um you know are stepping into those roles and how, you know, um, I don't want to say roles are changing. I hate that. I hate that people say that the roles are changing, but that you know, men are called to be the scope more than Broadney. Well, let me well let me even let me even let me even be more specific. You and Jared would would have what I would call more of a traditional relationship, you know, protector provider, and then like wife is like stay-at-home mom, and yet still you two still pride yourself on being heavily a part of the kids' lives and being in involved with the family, involved with your children, so on and so forth. And so, you know, how did you how did you guys even get to this point where um and one of the challenges that you guys face individually with the with that with the pressure of that role in the sense of I'll take it, I'll I'll step back a little bit from myself. Me and my wife, we're we're we both work corporate, right? She goes work, I go to work. So there's so there's this constant uh uh underlying, I don't want to say battle, but it is a struggle on like who's gonna manage the house, right? And how much of the house is you're taking on versus how much I'm taking on and and so on and so forth. And so um I do sometimes wish I'm like, man, it would be easier if she could stay at home and just do that. But there are definitely benefits to having a high-earning dual-income family. Um I would imagine. You know, and there's a lot but I'm but here's the thing. Are they worth it though? I mean, look, I can I can take some individual, right? Pretty dope vacations.

SPEAKER_06 24:43

Right.

SPEAKER_04 24:44

I we take some pretty dope vacations. And, you know, is that worth it, you know, in the in the managing of, you know, essentially creating that extra tension layer of tension.

SPEAKER_06 24:58

So I'll turn it over to you guys, man.

SPEAKER_04 24:59

Like, what what's it you guys like? How did you even guys get there? What are the what are the challenges and stresses? And then, like, man, how y'all even you know manage that? And and no, the short answer is not just bending her over. Okay, that's that's not the truth.

SPEAKER_02 25:13

Oh, well shit. Go first, then Jared. I gotta think of another no. Uh I don't know. I honestly think my answer is easy, brother. Um so for the first part, right? Like how I get here is I'll tell you this, man. I I think we parent in kind of a a conglomerate of a bit of how we were parented, what we liked from that, and kind of the core probably comes from our parents. A little bit of what we didn't like, so I'm gonna do it differently. You know, that sort of mindset. Well, I didn't have this, so I'm gonna do this. It's a bit of that. There's some experience, obviously, as you get older, you have multiple kids. Right? So those sort of things, now your personality is a big part of that. I would say that in the in the consistency that Jarrett was talking about earlier, right? You know, how you do one thing is how you do all things, man. And so your personality is gonna shine through in your parenting style. It's gonna paint all of those things, um, which is who you are. Now, I've been a I'm a silly dude, man. I've I'm I wasn't just a kid like this. I'm I'm an adult like this, too. You know, yeah, I can handle my business, but I'll just love to have fun too, man. That lends itself to being more of a, no, I'll take care of the kids. I can do because I'm gonna tell you, I don't get frustrated at listening to the same song for six hours. I don't, I don't, like, yeah, it's just part of that. I don't, you know what I mean? So it's part of my personality just kind of lends itself to being like that. So when the role is like, oh, to be the jester for these fucking kids all day, got it. Like, yeah, I'll, you know, like it's fine. That's just that's kind of part of how I am. So it, you know, I'm fortunate like that. Now it comes with, yeah, it's time, because like, so I want my time. Now, see, that's the thing, man. What do you sacrifice? Because there's only a certain amount of hours in the day, man. So, what is it you're gonna sacrifice, man? I'll never sacrifice, I sacrifice my time with like getting, because you know, you gotta remember, man, Sunday and I went a while without having kids, bro. So we've been through all, we've been through the drug phases, we've been through the game. We we just we've done so we've had all that sort of fun, and it's like, we just want to kind of settle down. That's when we started having kids. So I don't have this like need to go do nothing else. I'm just kind of fully focused on it, man. You know, yeah, I like to play video games, but that's like that's what the nighttime is for, man. These kids go to bed at 8 o'clock. You know, it's you know what I'm saying? Like, it's it's fine. Now, what I'll sacrifice, right, is I can't play for five, six hours like I like. You know, now I gotta, you know, I gotta cut that down. And sometimes, you know, who's gonna tell me to go to bed? You know, nobody. But then I'm at work like, no, it's why I was trying to, you know, so it's like, you know, so you know, I can sacrifice my sleep, right? You know what I'm saying? Or I can sacrifice my playtime, but that's why it's easy for me. Now, obviously, Sonny stays at home. You know, she doesn't work, she doesn't have too cool, you know, but God bless her though, man, because you know, I tease her that she's like Marge Simpson, man. She's functionally just fucking, she's awesome. But she like she's real lame, she real plain. She don't, you know, she's not like a fun, you know, she's not that, you know, but like anything, it's like, you know, the demon hunters, right? And so Kui O's like, do my hair like Remember? She's like, okay, I can do it for some reason four hours later. You know, she just so she just does anything. She's like, oh, Blueie had a duck cake. Could you make me a duck? And she's like, I guess. Apparently, it's some cake they used to make in the 50s. I didn't know this was a real thing, but she just made like, you know, she just, you know, so she can just do anything. She can just do anything. And so it's like her, like her, she it's because like she would say she's not creative. But I've seen her make like her own play-doh and like play, you know, she can make animals out of 150 twist ties, three-dimensional, like it, and she's like, I'm so boring. But like she can interact in a way that's like cool. So when I when I tell you, dog, like when I because when I turn off and I'm not gonna go to work or whatever, she had to pick up the slack, and she can. It's a different thing, though. Like it's arts and crafts, it's more, you know, so when the study time, you know, it's cool. Now I help with, of course, harder stuff because she gets frustrated with kids, you know. She, she, you know, I I get it, you know, it's it's I get to interact with adults and children, man. She mostly interacts with just with these damn kids, man. And I I know how that can be on your psyche, bro.

SPEAKER_04 30:10

So then I would ask you this. So then I would ask you this. So if you were, if you the unc and you advise one of the nephews on like the attributes of a woman to look for for for when they settle down, what how would you, how would you, you know, I mean, there's there's this, you know, the big discussion. Bring it, what are you bringing to the table? You know? Like, so what what what are those attributes that that have kept because you, I mean, you and Jared have been together for a while.

SPEAKER_02 30:44

Let me let me let me tell you, let me tell you together for a while. I believe that, I mean Jared and I too. I believe that um he is he's soft, isn't he? He's a little bit of a. That kind of cultivated a little bit of a community on that street, man. But um, I would say this, man. This is like armchair psychology shit, okay. But my wife does have a psychology degree. But um, I believe that you should find someone. So I was curious about Sonny, man, okay? Someone who makes you curious. Curiosity is the first step to learning. All right. That's I'm I'm a I'm a believer in that, man, okay? And I love people, man. Jermaine, you know, when I first met, I dig into your damn life. You know, we get deep, we get deep immediately, dog. Like, I like to dig in, baby. All right, like, and she was odd to me. Like, I'm like, oh, this is strange. And her dad, oh, wait, he was in a military PTSD. Oh my god, it and that curiosity turned into the ability for her to grow me, man. So, like, somebody that can help you grow. Because like the thing that's cool about Sonny Man is she's strong or I'm weak. And I'm strong where she's weak, man. It's a beautiful yin and yang where the things that I'm good at, I can actually help her get better at. And the things that I'm bad at, she can help me get better at. And it's like, that's the most important thing that we have is the ability to do that. I listen to her, she listens to me, man. That that being able to do that has blossomed so many just beautiful things, man. Because we're able to learn together, you know. It helped that we were both very young, you know, when we got together. So, like if I reference a lesson from a situation, she was at that situation, she kind of gets it. You know, and it's very I'm very fortunate in that respect, you know. But that's what I would say. Look, look for somebody that can help you grow, man. Somebody that you're interested in, that you're curious about, man, that you want to know about, because it breaks my heart to know that there's people out there that like don't like their spouse. Yeah, man, that's tough. Because I'm gonna tell you something. Patrice O'Neill used to say, man, women are easy to love, man, but they're they're kind of they're hard to like. You gotta get with the right one, man. They're they're real easy to love. Because they're caring, they're loving, they're easy to love, man. But sometimes the attitudes are boy, they're hard to like. But that that that bothers me though, that there's like relationships where because let me tell you though, but well, well, that could be for another episode. You know, you know how I can get, brother.

SPEAKER_04 34:09

Let's let's let's swing it on over to Jared things.

SPEAKER_02 34:11

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:13

Man, what was the question? My bad, my bad, man.

SPEAKER_04 34:17

No, no, no, no, no. Hey, hey, I get it, man. Hey, I I I was letting you go because I'm I'm I'm sitting here absorbing myself, because you know, you guys have a very different reality than I do. I mean, fundamentally, as far as yeah, we both we're both married, we all got kids here, but those little the that one little thing, as far as like the the active nature of your wife in either corporate or non-corporate life, you don't even know how different it changes the trajectory of so many things. Something as simple as like Jared has an opportunity, his kids are well, you're you have your kids homeschooled, you know, and you know, the the worlds that that opens up. But I'm gonna I'm gonna swing it over to you, bro. Like, what what is it that that you're advising the uh the nephews on on like ways to look at, you know, like what to look for. Especially, you know, a lot of these kids out here, they're like, We want, I want to want a woman to submit. I want to be projected to provide. Okay, well, what does that look like?

SPEAKER_00 35:26

You know, that's a lot to that's a lot to unpack, especially when it comes to um, you know, you're it's gonna be like two episodes though.

SPEAKER_04 35:35

So don't don't even feel pressure.

SPEAKER_00 35:36

Because those are things like you're looking. Those are yeah, those are you, you know, woman to to do this and do that. Those are like expectations, I guess. Expectations of this and expectations of that, you know, a submissive woman or something. But um I think to Joseph's point. Coming to the mic. Sorry, to Joseph's point, um I think you know, definitely finding someone um where you have that that balance with it doesn't always necessarily mean uh you know opposites attracting per se. But um I do like that yin and that yang, that balance, that flow, because it's not always gonna be the same thing at the same time. You know, for for example, like if you're an emotionally strong person, you might be emotionally strong when it comes to say like familial matters, but you may not have that same emotional strength when it comes to say like your direct family, like your children or you know, a spouse, or you may not have that same emotional strength when it comes to something like a layoff or you know, economic things or you know, uh something drastic happening to the family. So anyway, um, but I do agree that having that balance um may be hard to find in the beginning. Things like that take time. So one of the things I would definitely say is um be willing to put in the effort and the time because that's what's gonna make the most difference in how deep you go with somebody. And so if you want those things that are virtuous, so you're asking a question what to look for, things that are virtuous, so kindness, honesty, um, character, respect, those those types of virtues that a woman would have. You know, look for those things. Look also for what um, or I'd rather say I'll put this in the negative, don't look for things that you can immediately get out of a person. You know, what am I gonna get out of this person? Am I gonna get a companion out of this person? Am I gonna get a friend out of this person? Am I gonna get a a sexual partner out of this person? Am I gonna get um you know, a subservient wife out of this person? Like don't look immediately for what you're gonna get out of it. Look for, okay, what can this relationship be? What can it be for both of us? Um to Joseph's point, is someone that helps you grow, someone that helps you learn, someone that challenges you, someone that can encourage you, um, someone that knows how to admonish you if you need to be admonished, or you need to be talked to crazy, you need to be talked too crazy. Um I think a healthy amount of fear is good as well, just to kind of keep you up straight, because we all know men minds wander, we get bored, we get idle and go do this, go do that. So I think it's also good to have a healthy amount of fear in a relationship. Um, especially as you build something beautiful, you know it's at risk. And so you're in fear of losing that which is beautiful. So um virtues, man. I think that that was one thing that when I saw in Sam, like she was just uh a kind person, um, funny, we laughed together a lot, we spent a good amount of easy time together. Uh there wasn't, I mean, we were in college, so it wasn't just like we had a bunch of money to go do a bunch of things, but um, I mean it was a lot of dorm room kicking it, and that's what we did. Her roommate was there too. Shout out Kristen, but anyway, um I think we or Sa or Sam and I probably feel similarly to the way you and Sonny feel that your relationship is is really unique. And probably to a degree statistically, it is. Um there are a lot of high school sweethearts that get married, but or that get married, but ones that last and last and last and last and last, um, that's a small percentage. And then I'd say, you know, Sam and I, we we got together in in college, and there's a percentage of people that obviously do that. It's it's a ripe time, a very fertile time to get fertiles weren't wrong, a wrong word. It's it's a good time for for your mind was you know what I mean? That's right, that's right, right, right word.

SPEAKER_03 39:50

Slip Freud. Little Freudy.

SPEAKER_00 39:54

All right. Um so uh yeah, and I tend to think we we talk and we're like, yeah, man, I'm I'm glad we're still we still laugh together, you know, we're still interested in one another, we still challenge one another, and um still sexually attracted to one another, we still show affection to one another. Like, I mean, I think the last one is very important to do. Yeah, especially show, you know, showing the kids.

SPEAKER_02 40:21

Showing her affection, because you know, I didn't have that at all, man. And it's it makes a difference in how my kids interact with me because of how I interact with my wife. You know what I mean? Like it's it's it's very important, man. It's just very important, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:38

It is. There's a whole lot, there's a whole lot for that that imagery there's a whole lot psychologically for a kid growing up and creating the environment. And so uh we we and then we we understood that um we were aligned in a lot of things. That also takes time though, to see what that alignment looks like because you don't always face it until something happens, like okay, we have kids, and then it's all right, oh well the kids have to get educated. Oh, well, do we decide to put them in public school or you know, do we decide to put them in a you know, Christian, you know, whatever um private school or a charter school, and then it's like, oh no, we want to homeschool them. So then that takes some conversation and uh sacrifice. So I know I'm throwing a lot out there and the question was simple, but yeah, man, it's hard, dude. It's hard. It's hard. No, I mean those virtues.

SPEAKER_04 41:39

Well, I mean, you know, and it's it's definitely like I said, this will probably be like two or three episodes. Because I wanted to have a lot of people.

SPEAKER_00 41:44

And then this is off the cuff. We didn't know we were gonna be talking about this until this is off the cuff. So that's why we that's why we be rambling. That's why Joe is talking so much.

SPEAKER_04 41:54

I I wanted, bruh, I wanted you to I wanted you to hit it.

SPEAKER_00 41:58

We're sitting here talking about hippie stuff. I thought it was supposed to be lit.

SPEAKER_04 42:00

No, no, no, no, no, no. This is raw dog. This is beautiful stuff. This is raw dog, man. Don't don't give it, don't put, don't put the rubber on it. Give it to me, raw, bruh. Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 42:25

What?

SPEAKER_04 42:26

What feels better this way, okay?

SPEAKER_03 42:29

Yeah, listen. I'm just letting you know, all right. All the kids running around on three homes, okay? Stop joking about that shit, alright?

SPEAKER_04 42:38

There's like 13 kids running around between the two homes. 13 kids, like, man, it's all good. But no, I mean, you know, this is just these are just things that um, you know, I just wanted to hit you guys. You know, I mean, you know, we're we're already at the you know, at the late mark, so but it's just sort of an introduction conversation.

SPEAKER_06 43:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 43:00

Uh things that we we I want us to explore over the next couple weeks um with the relationships.

SPEAKER_00 43:06

And you know, because a lot of people I was gonna say, so we we kind of gave our perspective on our so in in what way do you feel like yours is well, there's obvious ways that it's different, but in what ways were you alluding to when you were um kind of introing Joseph and I. You say your situation is uh you didn't say drastically different, I think you just said considerably different or markedly different.

SPEAKER_04 43:32

Fundamentally. I think it's it was fundamentally different. I think that's what it was. Foundationally, right? I think that's what I said foundationally. But I I mean I say I said foundationally only because you know, when when your wife works outside the home.

SPEAKER_00 43:50

Okay, that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_04 43:51

Or I don't think you want to just say wife, when one partner is the primary home caretaker and one person is the primary um you know bread w you know breadwinner financial provider canceled it it make right exactly it makes it there's there are so many other there are so many ways your your your relationship is different than not yeah than when when two people are primarily focused on income generating right and so it's it's it it really comes down to energy right what energy dispensed the amount of energy dispensed to generate income isn't two times it's exponentially more because it's not it's not like I'm giving half the energy to go to work and she's giving half the energy to go to work and then we give half the energy at home and it's just one person. It's no I'm giving 80% 90% to work 80% 90% to work and there's 10% to home or 20% combined to home you know these jobs don't want you to have 50% or they don't want 50% they want yeah they want 60 70 they want 60 70 right and so when you have two people given 60 70 that leaves 50 60 for the house you know maybe maybe and so you're fighting for 50 and 60% you know but who is gonna which who is who's gonna fill that the the house cup needs to be filled to a certain extent that that cup that cup that that house cup it needs a hundred yeah no matter what to be a hundred it's a lot of cups is not just one cup it's a lot of cups right so if you're filling corporate cup on both sides you know if you're filling the income cup up 70 80% two people are filling it up that cup's got 140% in it it's overflowing beautiful god bless you know income is uh you know overflowing and the house cup is getting 60% or 50% you know but you guys don't have that issue because there's somebody dedicated to the house cup exactly that's like and even if and even if let's say she's tired or whatever and she can only give 70% you only have to give an extra 10% or 20% to even get to 90% you know one of us has got to give like 50% to get that cup up to 100%. And so you know I've I've been it's been it's been just a conversation around like thinking about what that means for now I mean we have I've my children are great you know they've they I no complaints they they get all um I mean by by external reports they're doing they're great and and I am I see the guy I see the treasure you guys have and I know the sacrifice it takes to have that treasure and I don't it's not that I envy it it's that I I I recognize the treasure that it is respect and um and it is a and it is something that I'm like I think if I were to redo things I definitely would have leaned into that a little bit more.

SPEAKER_02 47:38

It's interesting yeah I'll leave it at that uh I I think I would have valued it more I would say so it's not you know man it's not it's not anything heavy or nothing but it's just okay you're right no no no it's not it's it's it's well it's not it's not it's not it's just fascinating to me that I feel you know it's something I never thought about if I'm being honest with you though you know how that split works when when both parents are working and I was a uh product of that but it was just my life and so I didn't I didn't think anything of it you know my parents not being around when I you know got home from school and so you know I mean like I just you know whatever it just did you know it's just kind of what it was you know I'm saying it just it I didn't know anything different than that and so I didn't think that I was losing anything and also though because it's like man just like you said not to get too heavy there was other trick that I was worried about you know what I'm saying that wasn't oh is it six o'clock and he's not here I'm like good man I'm fucking scared shit this nigga you know what I'm saying so it's like you know it was it was yeah so it's like that was it's also I guess the circumstance or the situation that you're in um but it does kind of lead into what I was talking about earlier as far as like how you parent because I wasn't showing I wasn't getting hugs from my fucking dad or no shit like that man I don't even know this nigga ever even said he loved me it's like so I am probably overcompensating for that where I am like no I want I want them to know I don't want no questions you know what I'm saying about how I felt about these motherfuckers man I don't want them and so it's like there's a there's a bit of that in there where it's like it's an overcorrection of how I felt which could not even be reality right this is my version of it from the perspective of a child mind. So you know take it with a grain of salt and so it's like um there's a there's a there's a reflection of that in my parenting as well which hurts me in some areas where I'm too soft on these motherfuckers you know I'm saying where I'm not doing certain things because it's like oh well then it's like oh now then I'm mad that they don't do something and I'm like well god damn it that's on me actually you know so it's like you know but that's that's the growth cycle right that's just you know the the ebb and flow of it man course correct figure it out dude make another mistake course correct yada yada so but yeah um it's uh I never I never thought about that's that's a that's a very good perspective I'm gonna keep in my my head when I talk to certain people about certain things or maybe not talk to them but think certain things about how you know certain things aren't happening.

SPEAKER_04 50:33

It's like oh well you know like you said how full is that cup at home though you know how full is that cup at home and that's a that's the merch man how full is that cup at home well I want hey like I want y'all to think about that a little bit just because you know the next cup the you know this this is sort of the the the pre preview of the the rest of the year because man if you really think about it we got eight more we got eight more of these and then we're live bruh that's cool but but the thing about it is is that you know I want us to dive into two things as we get into the year and I'll uh you know we'll we'll write these up but is you know thinking about these relationships and you know because that's that's where the that's where the need is man the the ability to create maintain and grow relationships is lacking and is is in in need man and so we're we're here to harvest create create and and equip people to to create connections with for themselves and with each other so uh and then and then us and then hold each other accountable to our goals and and um and um you know our our goals are the the the things we're trying to achieve you know because that's what it comes down to I think is goals you know for the goals whatever you know I couldn't think of a better word man I was really struggling I was real my my words hey hey Jared knows I get the word game I my word game it goes hard bro you like to work with your words I like it I like my word wizardry I know those SAP words still or not SAP e SATs on MPR words shout out to away words you know shout out to MPR man okay peace for the for this