Ep 7 The Unfiltered Truth About Men, Money, and Relationships

 Summary

This episode features a candid panel discussion among three men sharing their experiences and insights on love, money, relationships, and personal growth. They explore the pressures of financial responsibility, the importance of trust and communication, and the value of continuous self-improvement.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Love, Money, and Relationships
03:09 The Dynamics of Dual Income Families
06:07 The Pressure of Being the Sole Provider
09:07 Navigating Financial Decisions in Relationships
12:10 The Choice of a Stay-at-Home Partner
15:07 Investing in Family and Future
18:02 Managing Stress and Expectations
21:00 Building a Supportive Community
27:21 Money and Love Rules for Young Adults
32:10 Building Relationships and Mindsets
35:54 Navigating Love and Relationships
38:51 The Importance of Self-Awareness in Relationships
41:37 The Power of Change and Growth
47:33 The Role of Therapy in Personal Development
52:36 NEWCHAPTER

 Keywords

men's relationships, financial responsibility, personal growth, trust, communication, mental health, family, long-term planning

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:14

And when I said you gotta get your CMOS, Joe looked like he had this bewildered look on his face. Like, CMOS? What's CMOS?

SPEAKER_03 0:24

Like, how does that even relate to I've never heard of CMOS? What I believe that is.

SPEAKER_04 0:30

Isn't that an interstellar battery? What the fuck you call it?

SPEAKER_03 0:36

Yeah, yeah, it's it's uh yeah, it's uh a little chip, little but anyway, man.

SPEAKER_04 0:42

We're jumping right into it, man. This is Unc Talk Podcast here. Uh we're here to empower uncles and inspire nephews. This is real talk from uncles, providing a roadmap for the nephews, man. I'm Mr. Get a Job, aka Jermaine, and I'm here with my buddies. Hey, here's Joe from work, you already know. He's Jared. And Jared, yes, yes. We're just trying out an intro, man. Hey, we'll see how it flows. But man, we're getting into um love and money and relationships. We, you know, we're kind of in this relationship series this week, this this whole month, actually. Um, and this episode is gonna be right before um we have the good Mr. Todd on to kind of talk to us about sexual wellness and um men's health, men's well-being, black, black mental health. We're gonna get all into it. But today we're gonna kind of just jump into we want to just empower the uncles with love and money and just kind of dive into some relationships, kind of armchair how our situations are, and man, we're gonna just um dive right in and man, want to try to figure it out. So, you know, this this whole episode even started out with us just talking about recognizing the differences in all of our households, man. Like, you know, um dual income, you know, two working parents, two working parent family, two two family, two parent household where we just work all day. You know, shoot. I'm looking for a nanny. I had a nanny in Iowa, actually, by the way, man. But uh, you know, whatever. And then, you know, you guys were hammering home to me because, you know, you guys have a different situation going over there. Y'all, y'all are 100% supported. So, um, you know, for me, we were just kind of talking about the struggles of how, you know, for for a two-income family where both parents, both, both people are working outside the family, and the struggles like just finding time, right? And trying to just put it all together. And, you know, with such limited time, you both come home after work, six o'clock, whatever time you gotta make dinner, showers, homework, all that stuff. And how, you know, sometimes you're filling all the cup of income, but then sometimes you don't feel like you you fill in that cup of family. So um, and you know, if you don't understand the cup analogy, go back and listen to like episode two or three or something like that. We'll you know, fill you in. In the description. You know, what I wanted to hit you hit you up with and ask you two guys was, you know, y'all the the the issues that I have are obvious, but like the pressure you guys must feel being the sole income providers, like what's what's you know, get into that because man, I know there's a lot of guys out here struggling. You know, the economy is doing what the economy does, you know. You know, shenanigans is being what shenanigans is, and so you know, some some guys out here are struggling to you know find work or even connect or you know, even just you know, put put make ends meet. And so, you know, you guys are gainfully employed, and so you still aren't immune to the struggle. What what'd you say, Jay?

SPEAKER_01 4:13

Oh saying I'll let I'll let Joe hit first.

SPEAKER_03 4:20

Just because you're first in the notes. I'll take that. I'll take that. Uh yeah, I mean, so when it comes to being the single uh provider, when it comes to that financially, so that's something that's always it's always been like that for me. Um my situation is a little unique because you know, I met my wife in high school, so uh I didn't have like an established money bag that I had to then share with her. Uh, we know we got together when I wasn't even working. You know what I'm saying? So my the first like times that I started, we started being like, oh, I got money and da-da-da. We need to find a place to stay. This is probably in this is probably in well in college we had you know some dorm situation a little after college where we you know got serious and we moved in together. After that moment, it was joint bank account. You know, we had a discussion about it first, though, which was you know, my money is my money, your money is your money. You know, how do you feel about any of that? And how I felt about it was if there's a situation where, let's say, you're gonna ask me for some money, I don't see me saying no to you. And because of that, let's just make it joint. That way I can just be aware, obviously, of the of what you're spending. But it doesn't have to be a hassle of me trying to transfer and all that that seemed like a hassle to me. Um, also, I hadn't had a bad experience with doing it. So I think there was a little bit of naivete as well that went into it, trusting this person uh to not screw me over in that way. Now, I've heard horror stories, you know, and uh, you know, I feel blessed, I feel lucky, you know, whatever that that I that I didn't have to, you know, have where I'm I'm trying to figure out where my money is going and well, you max out this thing, and how come you didn't tell me about the, you know, I try to get something, it's declined, I'm embarrassed somewhere. Like, I'm so glad I've never had you know anything like that. But it was a possibility. So, like I said, I well, I was a bit naive in doing it, maybe, though after the conversation I had with her the first time, I felt, you know, I felt that I could trust her with with that sort of responsibility. Um, also being the only breadwinner, what's her bank account full of zeros gonna do for me? Having separate means what, right? Like there's that there's not a, you know, there's that didn't make sense to me at all. You know, she she wasn't working and hasn't had to, you know, knock on wood, right? We're 23, 25 years in the game. She hasn't had to do it. So it it's it's it's worked out. You know, life has has definitely worked out in a way to where um I was able to do that. Now, what it does add, that word pressure that you just talked about. I'll tell you this, man, it's the type of pressure for me that turns into fear when the when you know when the economy gets a little shaky, and and I'm in the IT industry, AI starts taking over everything that I do, and I'm like, it gets a it gets a little bit, you know, because it's like, oh man, if I, you know, worse comes to worse, and it's like, okay, I've got you know X amount of months worth uh of my mortgage that I can pay and bills that I can pay, but it's like I gotta, there's no time to breathe, there's no time to try to figure out, no, I need to, I gotta get this back on track because without this money, there's nothing. So there is that pressure. What that did though was always make it made me make sure I'm the top dog. I have to be great. I have to be undeniable. I have to make sure there's no fear of losing my job. You know what I mean? If my job goes away, it's not going to be because of me ever. And there was a situation that happened to me back when I worked at Verizon where that wasn't the case. And I messed up my own job there, and it was like, uh, so what do we do? Because, you know, no, no offense to my beautiful and lovely wife. She didn't have marketable skills that could pay the bills like that. You know what I mean? And so it was it was kind of this situation. Well, hey, you know, hey, look, OnlyFans wasn't out yet. Um, and so and so now. Hey, look, and and she better get some feet picked out. It's it's Wednesday. But get some feet. They don't gotta see your face, baby. Um and so it's like, oh man, that was that was the biggest wake-up call I think I've ever had. Because um when I lost that, I had to put on a good maybe I'll find something else, it's fine. But inside, I'm like, brother, you got 40 days and 40 nights before this whole thing capsizes, brother. And so that was uh that's not a good feeling. Um and since I know that feeling is on the other side of a bad decision, I have to I have to meticulously manicure my performance uh when it comes to the job. Because I'm I'm one bad situation away from being back in that position that I feel would be harder to get out of now, you know, because at that time I had rent, no kids. Okay, that's fine. We can live out of the box for a little while. We'll be all right. But now, you know, I can't be missing payments. You know, they nobody likes that. No company is like, oh, did you lose your job? Oh, sorry about that, Joe. Let's waive that for a month. Nah, but so knowing that keeps me motivated. Um I used to let other people get into my head about, oh, she don't work. Oh, you gotta eat, you know, you the only one doing. They they said it as it was a bad thing. I've I wore it as a badge of honor. I like that my wife doesn't have to work. You know, I like that I can provide her with a like, you know, that was a perspective I had that made me okay with it. Now, the other side of that, for the first 10, 12 years of our relationship, we didn't have any kids. So there did come a point where I said, hey, uh, let's have a little conversation. So you can get a job or you can get pregnant. The choice is yours, but you can't just be lounging around this house anymore. Like a decade of that, I can't, that's what I can't come home to because it's like, all right, you got to do something though. Like it's it's this it's ain't just a free ride. And so she chose to start a family with me. So I said, I'm I'm all I'm on board with that. And so obviously, that then works in my favor that she's able to be at home all day with the kids if need be. You know, all of that then fell into place. And so while those first 10 years weren't hard, at that 10-year mark, it was decision time, though. And so, you know, I and she was cool with that. She better been, but you know what I'm saying? She was she understood that yeah, I can't just be, you know, just watching TV all day. You know, you can't just be doing nothing. And um and so then go ahead, go ahead.

SPEAKER_04 11:51

What about what about? I mean, like, now now you got the fear now. You talked about that fear a little bit, man. You talked about that fear. I'm I'm gonna pass it on to Jared real quick, because I need him to tap in a little bit, you know, because he he also got the trad life situation over there, too. Trad life, am I the only one following these trends on Instagram, bruh? But trad life, you know, what's the what's I mean, what's the you know, like dive into it from from this perspective of like what made you even dive into that choice? And then also like what's been the biggest struggle with it, you know, like what was this biggest struggle from the money perspective? Like, and I know it's a little different for you because you come from the financial background versus Joe, who's IT, so it's it's a little bit yeah, it's more mathematical for us because it's like, you know.

SPEAKER_01 12:48

Yeah, I mean that's a that's uh um that's a necessary point that I think if we're looking at it based on you know like our when I got married, um one thing I was also unemployed when Sam and I got married. And uh I think at the time Wait, you were? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 13:13

Oh, snap, you were in between. Okay, all right. I was in between, you know, opportunities.

SPEAKER_00 13:19

In between opportunities, right? You know, it kind of had to, and then you know, all family and friends are getting together asking you how things are going, and you having to explain why you don't have a job. You ain't got no job, you marry this nigga over here, he ain't gonna have no job. But uh entrepreneur.

SPEAKER_04 13:34

You hit him button next time.

SPEAKER_01 13:36

I think one of the one of the um one of the things I'll just say that happened, and we looked at it fortunately, was that you know, we had our daughter right after we got married. And so um Reagan came a year after we got married, and at that point in time, maybe just before she was born, Sam had kind of I think internally made the decision not to go back to work. Um I'm not 100% sure she was she was wanting to homeschool at that one at that time, but um I know she was pretty close to the decision. And so a lot of it was the the you know choosing to homeschool and things like that, just keep just be at home with her. And um, you know, everyone kind of knows the cost of of childcare and you know all that. So just from a financial standpoint, it seemed to yeah, we we had to f had to figure it out, of course. But um when you look at just the concentrated amount of time a child gets with their mom in this case, is worth you know, the struggle. It's worth the struggle, it's worth not having stuff. It's worth not having these streaming devices and the newest iPhone, and it's worth not having the the freshest clothes, it's worth not having the nicest car, like these these things that we these pressures we put on ourselves um for one reason or another aren't worth the benefits you get from time. Like, you know what I mean? Like concentrated amounts of time. And so anyway, when I thought about that, I was like, okay, cool. You know, it wasn't a difficult decision. I just figured out, okay, I gotta invest. And so, yeah, like you're saying, Jermaine, just that part of my brain kind of kicked in. It was like, all right, well, the the main component in any investment is is time, letting things compound. So you gotta make an investment. And shout out to AMD. Shout out to AMD. Shout out to AMD. Man, shout out to Fry's that was going with Fry's, man, and looking at all these. But anyway, so the investment, um, trying to determine, okay, well, um, you know, the financial crisis had happened. Financial services weren't hiring brokers and stuff like that. And so I had to lean back into the tech side of things and take some classes, take some courses, learn SQL, learn these tools that these types of positions that I needed to get required, because that was the salary that I was gonna need to earn. But then also in the short term, knowing, okay, there's some sacrifices we're gonna make right now. Like, yeah, I had grand aspirations of wanting to do this, travel, and you know, have this kind of career, and yeah, drive this kind of car. But when you think about um ultimately coming together on how you want your family to be built, especially as you're just getting it going and thinking long term about well, what do you want this thing to look like in five years? Like what are we yeah, we're gonna grind it out for the first five, ten years. We're gonna figure each other out since we're newly married, gonna figure this parenting thing out since we're still young. But in five, ten years, we can't still be doing this. Right, you know, and deciding, all right, well, what do we want that to look like? Okay, if that's how we want it to look, and we could we're in agreement on that, then each step of the way from here going forward needs to be in that trajectory, in that direction. And so that made financial decisions a lot easier. Um also finding someone that's on the front end that's aligned with you. Like if you got if you if you're a financially conservative or or whatever you look at it, and you got someone that's materialistic and spending money on this, like you know, from the front end y'all aren't aligned. You might need to keep those accounts separate. There you go. Yeah, like you said, Jimmy, just having a having a financial background, yeah, that did kind of help at least from um Sam having trust, which is a large component in all of this. But Sam having trust and not only necessarily me managing the finances, but just in my ability to earn. And so if there's a lack in my in direction, like me not knowing exactly what direction I want to go, if you're ever in those moments, it's usually just best to invest in yourself. To of course take, take, learn something, go, go try something, be curious, and then you know, I've read the way will present itself. Um but I I'd say those were the components that I was focusing on early on to kind of at least ensure that we got close to it around now.

SPEAKER_04 18:45

Dude, you know what? It's it's funny hearing you guys' story, just talking about how you guys came to it, man. Like a lot of the things that you know, I I I came to this conversation thinking one thing, and now I think a complete different thing, man. Like a lot of the same things that y'all were going through, I was going through, it's just different. It's just on the flip side, it's about choices and trade-offs, right? Yes, sir. I mean you sit up first, you you decide, you gotta decide early. What is are we good in a big house or are we gonna be modest and you know have lifestyle? And then that you know, that leads right into planning and alignment. Like you have the trust, the alignment, the you know, well, let's just do what makes sense, like you said, Joe. Just you know, just we're just gonna well one account makes difference. So there's so there's never that struggle of our money, my money, your money, so on and so forth. I'd say that that's the only slight difference because you know, like when we started out, like, you know, my wife's the whole engineer, you know, and I'm you know, I'm finance. So I mean we we we both were making money, and so we both were just like, now I had less money. I was doing payday loans, bro, back even back then. Hey, hey. Hey, okay, yeah, nothing wrong with it, baby. All right, nothing wrong with it. What you gotta do. That's right, man. But you know that but then that leads into the pressure. Like, I think we all had the same pressure. Um, I mean, both of us, everybody allude to it differently because, like, you know, like with Joe's, like, early on it wasn't, but then now, once you had your incident, you realize, oh shit, I need to keep this up, you know. Um, and then like with you, Jerry, where, you know, um, you know, you you mitigated that pressure with just saying, like, okay, well, um, I'm gonna upscale. Like it it triggered you and what I like to call pressures into diamonds, you know, like it's creating diamonds. And you know, that's a that's a common theme with a lot of men where we just we you get married, you have the kids, and then you look around, you're like, oh snap. Hey, eight, four people looking at me. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, people are looking at me to like do something to make it happen. And so, you know, not getting dis discouraged. The the the the the main common thing that I heard between all of you was action. Like never get never sit down, get it hey, move. Like don't be paralyzed. It's if it's fight or flight, you better be fighting. That's right. That's right. You better be fighting because if you're not and and you know, not fighting like you know, people people turn that inward or they turn on their lady, you know, and and and and wanna take it out on their ladies. Nah. You gotta turn it outward to the world and fight the world. However strategically you can. So, you know, it it's it's it's funny just You know, you hear a lot of a lot of men out here where they just they just angry. They let the pressure get to them and then, you know, they fold and and you know, we wanna we we definitely wanna bring our light and encourage these purge encourage the guys and be like, hey man, you you're not alone, man. That's why I mean heck, that's why we create a community here. Um get an email to unks, email to uncles, we're gonna get connected. And shoot, man, I hopefully, you know, y'all know I got big plans for us as far as like I want us to have a community and connect to people. Like the main thing would be to like, man, this should be a place where somebody can call and be like, bro, I'm in IT, I need this help. Well, we know some two IT people, we're gonna get you connected. And I need, I mean, I need some money.

SPEAKER_05 22:49

I need help I come. I'm just too bad. I feel so bad.

SPEAKER_03 22:55

Well, I mean, it's funny that you bring that up, man, because we had, you know, the all hands that happen in companies, and I heard a lot of agentic AI in our discussions today, and I was like, yeah, I know. But that's that's the reason why, just like Jared said, I've been skilling up. I've been making all these courses that IBM will pay for. Thank you, buddies. I'm I'm gonna I'm definitely gonna just keep that up, keep it going. But one thing I did want to touch on that you said there, man, about what you do with that stress. Because I've unfortunately fallen victim to taking that stress from work or whatever it is, a pressure, and I have put it towards my wife before. You know what I mean? There were times early on in our relationship where I'm bringing all that stress and just dumping it on her because I turned bitter thinking that it's unfair that she doesn't have to work. It's unfair that I gotta work this hard and not be respected and have to take all this. And as y'all know, boy, the disrespect sometimes that happens as as a black man in the corporate world is is ludicrous, man. And you gotta you gotta swallow it because that's part of the game sometimes. And to have that happen, and you know, and it might just be a bad day, and you know, I come in and it could just be something mundane that she's asked me to do that on any other day would have been fine, but like not today when so-and-so has said this and I've had to do, and it's like that's not fair to them. It's also not fair to you because trust me, getting her upset ain't good for you either. Okay, it doesn't matter if you quote one the argument or whatever shit you think is good about that, nothing good comes from that. Not one thing. And so I do think that that is something that we need to maybe impart is you do need to find something to do with that stress because it's not there is not a situation where it's not going to be there. But whether that's counseling, whether that's uh working out, whether that's writing, poems, getting it out of you, whatever it is that you have to do, don't take that stress and put it in you and don't put it in the people you love. What did Jermaine just say? Put it to the world. Take some action, turn that into something because it'll eat you alive, man. And it'll ruin things that were once beautiful. And and it's 100% on you to recognize when it's happening, to recognize when you're, you know, kind of just offloading that stress onto somebody else simply because, you know, you ain't trying to deal with it today. It's just been a lot today. Everybody's had those days where it's just too much. But that's why we have partners. That that's why that's what support looks like. Because I know, especially as the men we are, if our wives came to us with some stress shit, our first act is to try to pull that away from them. It's to share that burden. And there are times where I would be too upset to let her do that. Because I just want to get it out. I just I want it to, you know, and so anyway, I I just I don't want to talk about it too long, but you brought up a really good point about that, man. You you definitely need to do something with the stress uh so it doesn't hurt your relationship.

SPEAKER_04 26:07

And call your boys. Call your, I mean, that's right, right. Look, man, that's what we hear.

SPEAKER_03 26:12

Yeah, therapy doesn't always have to be with a licensed therapist. I don't know why I use that voice.

SPEAKER_04 26:17

But um I'm gonna when Mr. Todd comes on next episode. I want you to use that voice right there as the therapist's voice, please.

SPEAKER_03 26:28

I'm gonna use a I'm gonna use a British accent the whole time and then switch it up at the end.

SPEAKER_01 26:35

Yeah, like Aegis Elba. Like, maybe you sound like that.

SPEAKER_04 26:40

Yeah, you know, you love Aegis Elba. You just kind of reverse it. You know what I'm saying? You know. It's alright, it's alright. But you know, I mean, it's it's key to just make sure that the love is still there, man. Like, you know, um making sure that you preserve that, preserve house and home. You know, dual income, single income, triple income, it don't matter, man. It's it's always gonna be pressure. There's always gonna be pressure out there. But you know, you even switching in from the love part, but like, you know, that dives into like, you know, what's the money rules? Like, if you we talking to the nephews, right? Let's say we're we're wait, wait, Jared, when did you get married?

SPEAKER_01 27:30

You got married 2010.

SPEAKER_04 27:32

You were 20, what? How old are you? 26.

SPEAKER_01 27:35

Uh 26.

SPEAKER_04 27:36

26. We're talking to 23-year-old, 25-year-old Jared, or whatever. A young nephew, you know. What what what are we imparting on him? What's the what's the money rule? And then what's the love rule that we're giving him? You know, like Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:55

I'd say the money rule, like both rules, I'd say the money rule definitely is mindset. Um you have to have a just a long-term mindset. Um, you know, yeah, the the short-term part of it is okay, I need to save for emergencies, I need to save, you know, money for rainy days. That's kind of the short-term part of it. Midterm, long-term is okay, but I still need to invest. I still need to be setting money aside for long-term, putting it to work. Um, because whatever you do for a living, you may you may not be able to do that thing for as long as you think you will be able to. Either you won't be able to yourself, or that thing won't exist anymore. So investing is uh financial advice, but it's also just personal advice, relational advice. So uh investing in self, investing in relationships, and investing your money in assets. Um, and that's for long term. And then of course there's retirement, and so making the necessary moves for when, you know, I I know that's pretty long term for someone that's only 26 years old. But um life comes at you fast, and by 26 now things move so fast that by 26 you need to have that mindset and these kind of principles down. So at the basics, that's where you need to be, especially if you're trying to, you know, meet somebody, have a long-term relationship, build a family. But if you're only out there to get your paper, build a business, get your paper and all that kind of stuff, then you know, do what you do. Um if you're trying to do something that um, you know, brings you a little bit more value in life, these are the type of investments you have to make. And the mindset is to think long term. And from a relational standpoint, it's finding someone. I mean, I hate to say just someone you can build with, but essentially that's what you start doing. You gotta find you have to find a partner that you can build with. 100%. And one of the things that I think maybe Jermaine, you had you had said earlier is is one thing about men. To add to that is men need something to focus on and focus toward. Those that at least have some ambition. I'm saying real men. So those that have aspirations, those that have yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not mixing, come on. Yeah. Too many grown boys, too many grown boys. But that's the word. And so finding the person that that either supports that, finding the person that catalyzes that, finding the person that helps, you know, you think through it, the person that helps you be you a little bit more efficiently and effectively. But you do that together, like you know what I mean. And so I'd say unfortunately, you know, life doesn't always turn out like that. And so, in order to get to where you want to go, you might have to work a little bit harder, you might have to use a little bit more muscle, strain a little bit more, because you're having to do it um differently. But I'd say from a relational standpoint, definitely focus on that, someone that's aligned with you that has the same type of mindset that you do, that sees things, you know, not exactly alike, but at least y'all gotta flow together. Um and then once y'all come to an agreement on what that future looks like, then you have somebody working with you to to build it and make it. Uh, because like again, as a man, if if that's the focus, I'm I'm achieving that at all costs. Like, and and unless we decide as a couple that we're changing what that is, I mean, that's my purpose. Like, okay, we have children. Well, my purpose is to grow and cultivate these kids. Um, we're we're creating an environment in which they can grow and thrive and develop, so on and so forth. And um with at least with that being said, those would be the two things. Mindset from a financial standpoint, thinking long term, and then from a relational standpoint, finding somebody that's aligned with you. Not exactly like you, but just aligned with you.

SPEAKER_04 32:10

Yeah, complimentary or or whatever, strengths, weaknesses, you know. I mean, that's sometimes tough, but you know, but I know hey, we're gonna pass it to Joe real quick. Joe's about to jump out of the seat. I know not everybody's on camera. Not everybody's on camera.

SPEAKER_03 32:25

Nobody take off their nuggets because I you touched everything that you needed to touch there, man. It it's it's it's piggyback touching. Because that's uh uh the financial portion of this, right? If if we're talking about and you have a different perspective too, because you're you're a non-financial person, so I'm pretty sure you wouldn't like funny assets and the way y'all's mind thinks about money is is fascinating to me. I I I love it. I sometimes I wish I had it. There's there's ways at which there's ways in which y'all think. Um, like you said, y'all, y'all try to make y'all's money work for y'all, man. We're gonna have to. I love that. When y'all see a dollar, how can I make this dollar make me more dollars? You know, and I I like that. Because when I see that dollar, I say, I don't ever want to see this dollar again. It goes be on the pile back there. So if I ever need it, it's you know, it's it's it's it's very different. I have a very different uh mindset about what I how I deal with money. Um, because so my advice is budget conversations, whether you're with somebody or not, at least at the very least once a month. See where your money is going. Write it down. We used to write them down, you know, checkbooks and all that. But you can just go online. You can just go to wellsfargo.com, baby. You can just see.

SPEAKER_01 33:51

My mom still physically balances her checkbook. You know, the little ledger.

SPEAKER_03 33:56

I love that. I love that.

SPEAKER_01 33:57

Ledger this in the back of the checkbook. Yes, sir. Did you get that daily? She physically still balances boxes of checkbook. What the little boxes? Just dude boxes of them that she's gone through for like for like four days.

SPEAKER_03 34:13

Exactly, exactly, dude. And I'm gonna tell you, you know, Sunny's the same way. That Penny Penty now, this is kind of gets into embracing cultures that aren't your own, you know? Sunny has a very Asian culture. They are very frugal. They are very, well, what that 36 cents go, nope. I mean, write down everything. Dude, spiral notebooks. Y'all better not ever ask me for no money, boy.

SPEAKER_02 34:40

Cause she's gonna be like, yeah, that's cute and everything, but remember when Jared needed that$27 back in 07? I mean, did you ever get it back? Because I didn't cross it up.

SPEAKER_03 34:50

She's really thought at first I'm like, I'm like, yo, could you is it that important? I mean, we got the money, baby. Why is it? But she had to rein me in when it comes to that, because I was frivolous with my money. And obviously that's not good. It'll it'll a fool with his money. I'm telling you, they'll we'll never see each other again. And so, budget conversations, knowing where your money is going, man. That is the my number one rule. Always know where your money's going. Um, know who's getting your money. Okay. Because all this, because what the trap you can fall into is you're getting nickel and dimed. You know, oh, this little subscription is only five bucks, or this little thing is only 10.99. But that adds up and it adds up quickly. And you can find yourself in a hole because you think you're only paying just a little bit amount of month to these little bitty places. But if it's 25 different places, brother, that's all your money gone. And so always know where your money's going. When it comes to love, y'all, I'm a wild guy, man. And um, my advice for love is like, try it out, man. Just try it out. Just try it out. Try it out, okay? Like be ambitious, be outgoing, be I don't want to say experimental because that might turn in in a direction, but I do mean that. Um go for what the heart wants, go for what feels right. Try to find somebody that fulfills you in the way you want to be fulfilled. Um, Jared talked about growth earlier, but he also says something very important. That's what's going to happen. So no matter who it is you get with, even if they're the wrong person, y'all are gonna build something. Y'all might build the worst building that's gonna collapse, but y'all are gonna build something. That's just that's part of it, you know? And so you definitely want to get with somebody that you're building something stable. Now, obviously, right off the bat, it's hard to know the you know, are you the yin to my yang? It's you know, obviously that's something you figure out. Yeah, but once you realize that you have somebody that can help you grow, that you can also help grow, that's fucking that's 90% of it, fellas. All right, if if if you if somebody you said that they'll allow you to be you, but if they allow you to be you and they allow you to be the man you should be and want to be, I'm there's there's nothing greater. Now and hopefully become that person. Exactly. There it is, man. Because even in my own situation, right, where I was far from the man I wanted to be uh when we got together. And for a long time after, all right? There was there was a good amount of years where I was doing her a disservice. I wasn't being a man. And she, for whatever reason, man, gave me grace, gave me support, and allowed me to become the man that I am today. And there's no way to find that immediately out in someone. But if you are with someone and you feel that they are allowing that to happen, you're probably in a good, you're you're you're in a you're in a good direction at least. Okay. Because that is something that is very needed for men, I think. Um there's a type of nurturing that your woman can give you that isn't mothering you and it isn't nagging you or anything like that, but it's propelling you. And that's what you want to look for, you know, as you get into these relationships. So that that's my that's my my love part is is go for it. Go for it. Just be aware of what's going on, be aware of your feelings, be aware of what's happening to you in that relationship. That's a big thing. Be aware of what's happening to her in a relationship. If she's getting meaner every damn day, you gotta figure it out. Is it you? Is it the shit that that's that's something if you're just I'm more and more pissed off every door, I'm more and more bitter, I'm check it. That's not, you know, so you know, go for it, but be aware, right? What they say, you know, trust but verify, right? You gotta, you know, just but but fucking go for it though. Go for it. Because I believe there is some, there's somebody out there for you. And I'm a big believer in in thought manifesting, manifesting into reality. I I think that our energies do something to this world. So don't half-ass anything that you do. Anything that you do, just go for it. Just go for it. That's it. That's it.

SPEAKER_04 39:38

Hey, hey, Joe said, Joe say, get get your booty on. All right, dude, get wild.

SPEAKER_03 39:44

Get wild, guys. That's it. That age, man. Like what I'm getting, like at that age, yeah. Because I'm gonna tell you, if you're not satisfied, you won't be. Okay? And that'll turn into resentment real easy. I'm I'm just saying, don't don't settle. That's no, that's that's don't do that. Go for broke. Do it, do it, find it. Or build it if you want to get back to what they've been talking about. It's because look, I'm willing to change if it's for the better. Who the fuck wouldn't be? So it's it's it's so even if it ain't quite there, but boy, you see the potential, or boy, you see, then build it.

SPEAKER_04 40:28

And you can have what you want. Y'all think most men are able to change what you what you think about that? Like you think I do. I really do. I mean, you know, because they would call us stubborn, they call us stubborn. That's true. Now, hey, and I ain't mentioning them. We ain't gonna talk about them. We're gonna talk about this. We're gonna we're gonna be us focused.

SPEAKER_03 40:47

Let me ask you this: who would you change for? Because that's the thing. I would I won't change for someone who ain't worth me changing for. You know what I mean? So some of the stubbornness might come from the fact that you're not the right person that's that can affect change in that man. And I know some some some women might not want to hear that, right? That they don't have the quote power to change their man or whatever, however, you want to look at that. But I do know, like even in my own life, right? I'm sitting here with two of maybe the four people in my life that I'll listen to on a level like this. Meaning, but trust me, I don't just get advice from four people. Everybody got something to tell me. Everybody's got it's not gonna affect me the same way. And so I do think that every man can change. I just think they have to have the correct motivation to do so. I really do. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 41:49

What you think, man? We don't, you know, we don't and and you know, the the reason why I even point this to you is because, you know, we were just talking about um like some of our college friends that we knew that we were just like we were talking about reconnecting with. And um some of those brothers are doing exceptionally well. And certain, well, I'm I'm gonna say exceptionally well based on like what we see on the outside, right? Like, got great jobs, got wives, kids, two, 2.5 kids, yeah. Some of them were late launchers, you know, that were let's just say they was we we left them behind in UTA, you know?

SPEAKER_00 42:29

Yeah, still trying, still just kind of figuring things out, I guess.

SPEAKER_04 42:34

But I mean, like, what's what's the I mean the you know, the the power of change. Like, I mean, do you think, you know, I mean, what do you think? You think men are are capable of that, and what drives men to do that, man?

SPEAKER_01 42:47

Most of the motivation. Yeah, it just depends on what it is that needs to change. Like, um, I think there's there's flexibility, uh kind of like we're talking about the ability to change, the ability to kind of like um learn something new, figure out a different path, um, do something different. And then there's kind of like a malleability that you have to have that Joseph was talking about. Like you need to be able to to be changed by someone else. Have the you'd be able to be affected by someone else. Now, some of that is intrinsically motivating, like you kind of have to see it in yourself first or realize it yourself first. You know, there's all there's that that that stages, you know, of acceptance and or acknowledgement and acceptance and all that kind of stuff before you can um make meaningful change. But um, you know, some things are just so uh subconsciously programmed that they're so difficult to change. You don't even know that you don't know why. You're responding to a certain stimulus the way you are. Um, and then the path to figure out is not the same. Okay, yeah, I could go and talk to a therapist, but that may not be what gets me to I might have to go take four grams. And that gets me to what I'm unlocking and un, you know what I'm saying? And I'm real talk though. But that may not, you know, the therapist might help me unlock something from my past. The four grams may help me unlock something from four generations ago that's encoded in my DNA. Uh, but and I d I don't mean to smile in that moment, I'd be very serious. But uh yes, change is necessary as an inevitability. I think even more so, it's not so much the change, it's the entropy we're talking about. That's the dangerous thing because change happens regardless. The entropy is when you wake up and realize, okay, my skill set's unmarketable. And the, you know, I gotta find a job and I've gotta find this, or I wake up and I realize. Slow erosion. Yeah, slow erosion. And you haven't there hasn't been, you haven't been keeping up with things. So in a relationship, you realize, okay, it's, you know, we've been married 10, 15 years, and maybe once the kids, once you're empty nesters and the kids are out of the house and you realize your wife has evolved a decade and a half past you. And you're like, wait, when did you start thinking this about that? Yeah. When did you start believing this about this? Or when did you pick up these types of ideas and these types of, you know? So I think that the when it comes to change, um, from an external standpoint, it's inevitability. From an internal standpoint, you know, I lean on intent, always being intentional about growing, learning, developing, figuring out how to maneuver as, you know, as a man, as a husband, as a father. Um, but you have to be flexible to change, and then you have to be malleable to let other people impact you because you can't do it all yourself. You can't you can't possess all the all the perception you need to see the necessary angles, to make the decisions you need to make, um, consider the necessary trade-offs of of different things you're doing. So I I I that's my perspective on it. If if you're not in if you're not in those two things flexible to change and malleable to other people impacting you, you like you're gonna get left behind in so many different ways. Like anthropologically left behind. Like you don't need to procreate.

SPEAKER_00 46:54

What are you doing?

SPEAKER_01 46:55

You just become an just become an NPC and just just go like that's what you need to do.

SPEAKER_00 47:00

I like Savage Jared. Hell yeah. Just go like you don't even need to be in the game at that point. Jared.

SPEAKER_04 47:07

Hey, there's a lot of them out here, man, that that they just they're just not in the game, man. You know, and I mean, we wanna, you know, I think the key word is the the word of the year almost is maturation. We want to encourage that maturation and and building up. And so, you know, a lot of people think that therapy is silly. I mean, you mentioned therapy there. Um we're we you know, we're gonna try to help with and with that. We that's why we're gonna have Mr. Todd on next week. Absolutely. He can Mr. Todd is uh uh a black a black sex sex therapist. I say black because he is a black man, but he's a sex therapist, a relationship. He's a white dude who only does black sex therapy. Black.

SPEAKER_03 47:57

Specializing in BBC, like, hey, brother, would you calm down?

SPEAKER_04 48:02

Uh he only wants the black therapy, black sex therapy. Only the black sex therapy. Oh man. No, but he's he's he's gonna jump in, he's straightforward, man. He's gonna jump in with us, and he we, you know, and you know, we can ask him some questions on what it's like and what what what what his journey is and so on so forth. And I hope it'll open up some minds to people who maybe have been afraid of even thinking about therapy.

SPEAKER_03 48:27

It's not big in our culture, which is which is unfortunate, you know. Um my first taste of it. A little quick story, man. I I I was working at a company, and yeah, I just wanted some, I wanted some time off, bro. And I'm trying to scheme and just figure out ways to get out of work and stuff like that, right? And uh, we have an employee assistance program, and I'm like, okay, uh, what can I use for this? And I'm looking through things like addiction. I'm like, well, what can I be addicted? I can't be addicted to coke. I can't be not no crazy shit like that. You know, I'm like, well, I can be addicted to weed, something that's you know not good, but it's cause of it. You know, so anyway, so I went through the whole spill of like, oh, actually, I've got a problem, and it's messing with my home life, and I can't, I need help and then chill at home. So I was kind of like, oh, all right, well, I'll go to this. I I you know, I look through their list. And there was a counselor on there, but he he does couples counseling, okay? Uh, but he also does addiction counseling and things like that. You know, they usually they they have multiple fields that they're in. And so I went to him for a few times about you know that sort of stuff, but he kind of picked up on the fact that, like, oh no, boy, you you you throw that stress kind of everywhere, don't you? Like, how's your relationship? You know, he and I could, you know, and but what happened was it turned into, oh, me and my wife just started going to couples counseling to get our shit worked out, figure out how to talk to one another, figure out how to express ourselves. And it was such a freeing experience. Um, not only because having a go-between, right, to translate my feelings properly was good. Also, sometimes it's just better not to hear it from the source because there's a twinge of attitude or there's a twinge of sadness. There's a that there's an emotional element to it that the therapist can cut out so that you can hear the message. And this whole, like, I'm not, if I go to, I'm sick, if I go to a doctor, all this bullshit, all this, I'm weak, I'm strong enough to, I can deal with my stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, guys. Stop all of that. We all need help sometimes. And there's no shame at all in saying, hey, professional who's seen this play out a thousand times and can see all the signs and can direct us to where to go. Hey, could you help us? Why be ashamed of that? But just yes, therapy is is is therapeutic. But like, you know, it is really, really, really beneficial. Um don't ever shy away from that if you think you need help. Whatever it is, uh, don't ever shy away from it.

SPEAKER_04 51:08

Well, we're gonna leave it at that on that on that encouraging word, man. Cause yeah. Next week we're gonna, I'm super excited. The first guest. A lot of firsts for us. Uh man, it'll be our first guest. But you know, before we leave out, we want to encourage everybody, man. If you like what you hear, you know, like and subscribe. Subscribe.

SPEAKER_02 51:30

We try and get it, subscribe.

SPEAKER_04 51:32

We're trying to get to 500 subscribers. You know, we're just we're trying to make goals, man. We're trying to try to get there. So I like it. I like it. Um on all platforms, YouTube, Spotify. I I finally was able to get with Spotify, I had to fight somebody, but now we're searchable. Um fighting a good fight all the day, man.

SPEAKER_03 51:55

Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 51:58

We got shorts, we got everything. YouTube, go to the YouTube, go to Instagram, go to the TikTok, man. Um, you know, we want we want to we want to interact. We want we love to interact. We wanna we wanna meet the people, we wanna hear from you. And the more we hear from you, the better we can make the content, the better we make the content, the more we hear from you. So let's keep the cycle going. So until next week, um, you know, um I'm Mr. Get a job. Joe from work. He's Jared. All right, I love you guys, man. We'll see you next week. Yes, sir.